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What Else Is There?	By : covetous Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 1423 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
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- 6
_______

Shining on never again�

Funny how things change.

_______

That night would be the last she ever saw Sirius Black, and even as she cried for his death, she felt worse that their time together had been too short to properly mourn him. According to Remus, he had been �too ambitious� the night of the battle. Their goal had been to avoid as much direct fighting as they could and merely attempt to shake the offending party off before they escaped.

However, when one Bellatrix Lestrange struck down Emmeline Vance, Sirius had taken after his cousin. In his anger, he hadn�t taken the time to realize that another Death Eater had snuck up behind him and was unable to deflect the Cruciatus curse that sent him spiraling off his broomstick in pain, and he plummeted into the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean.

His body was not found and the ceremony took place high above the earth over the English country side where they sent red and purple sparks into the air and later, they buried his wand by a lake where Remus had known to be special to him for reasons undisclosed. Many of his comrades had come to partake, some Bridget didn�t recognize at all, including an older wizard dressed in extravagant black and blue robes, his white hair and beard long enough to touch his waist.

When he had caught her looking at him, he gave her a very kind and wise smile along with a wink before she looked away, embarrassed that he saw her staring at him.

Two evenings later, Bridget sat curled and hugging herself in front of the fire. Remus had left after staying in the guest bedroom the night before, apologizing that he couldn�t remain longer. Somehow she had managed not to cry as he exited, but now found it impossible not to let herself sob into the lonely night, feeling terribly solitary having lost the only chance at a father she might have ever had.

Her classes were left un-touched for the whole second week. Bridget had spent her time getting more intoxicated than she had ever ventured to attempt. By the second day of her binge, she pondered to whether or not her blood might be mostly alcohol.

Many times she found herself glancing at the door, wondering if the illustrious Professor Snape might visit her� check on her� anything. But he didn�t come. Maybe he didn�t care for her anymore. Maybe he wanted to stay away from her afraid she might ruin his life with her persistent fondness for him. For whatever reasons, he didn�t come, and she tried her best not to think on it.

When the stock of her parent�s rum was depleted, she went for the firewhiskey, which, having already been drunk from the rum was not so difficult to get down. By the third day, half the firewhiskey was gone, which had proven to be far more potent than she could have suspected. The living room floor was blanketed in letters and photographs which Bridget had dumped the previous night from their boxes, looking through them tearfully, talking to one picture of her parents and Sirius having a drink at what she thought to be the pub just down the street from her.

�Here�s to you guys, man�� She mumbled, taking another sloppy swig from the brown bottle. �Like, really. Here�s to you guys. I really, really, really mean it, you know?� Her eyes glazed over and she started bobbing her head to the song coming from upstairs. The stereo had been blasting non-stop since Remus left.

Dropping the picture she looked around the living room, dizzy and unbalanced.

�I gotta get outta here! I�m going insane�� She clutched at her head and nearly slipped on one of her own baby pictures as she ran to the stairs, banging her leg hard against the door to the bathroom. It struck her as odd at how little the area of contact had hurt, especially when it rose red and puffy.

Looking at the picture had instilled a desire in her to visit the pub in which the three, now dead members other family had once shared a drink. It took her a bit longer to dress than usual, her hand-eye coordination not up to it�s usual standards.

Soon she was stumbling down the street, lucky that the ice had melted that very day. Yet she wasn�t as lucky in the rain department, as it was bearing down on her violently and lightning was brightening the sky in shocks of white. No matter how awful the weather was, she felt intoxicatingly happy just to be out of that house.

As she approached, she found it odd that many people were rushing into the church at such a late hour. She wondered if it was a lock-in of some sort, but ignored it and went next door instead. A little noise was coming from the pub as she approached it, heavy pipe smoke hitting her face obnoxiously. She quickly realized that this was not what one would call a �happening� place. The only habitants were shabbily dressed and staring dazedly at the television.

The barkeep was an older blonde woman who smiled at Bridget when she entered. She smiled back and was beckoned to the bar. Trying to maintain a sense of sobriety, she joined her there, placing her elbows on the worn wooded surface.

�Rarely see new faces here� Unless they�re college kids on holiday. But it�s no holiday, is it?� The woman smirked smartly, polishing a dirty mug absentmindedly. �What on earth would a young woman be doing in a town like this, all on her own?�

She hadn�t thought this through at all. Bridget just said the first thing to come to her head. �I�m staying at my dad�s place for a little while. He lives down the road.�

�Who�s your father, then? I know everyone who lives here to some extent.� She chewed loudly on her gum and smiled at the now shiny glass as if to be very proud of knowing her town so well.

�Um��

�Oh lord in heaven, what�s happening now?� The woman turned to look at the television and got to her tiptoes to turn the volume up.

The bar went completely silent, all eyes on the screen. The images flashing before them were shocking to behold. First the city of Rome, where it looked like millions had gathered, praying feverishly amongst themselves in the dead of night. Then it was India, the same strange gathering of what might have been full populations all bowing and praying, even children sleeping in their parents arms, seeming to have stayed there all night.

�People all over the world have gathered at religious monuments to pray diligently, sure that the end of the world has come. We at the BBC are here to bring you non-biased coverage of the cold hard facts, not to speculate or cause any unnecessary panic.� The image switched to a male reporter, a stack of papers sitting in front of him, his plastic face attempting to cover the true fear in his eyes.

�The people of Britain are asking for answers, finding the Prime Minister�s short and non-descriptive statement from yesterday to be far from comforting��

The TV switched again, this time to the Prime Minister of Britain, looking older and disheveled as ever. �Please be patient with us, your government as we attempt to assess the true nature of these strange happenings over the past three days.� He was sweating from his balding brow, blinking far too quickly, making Bridget feel distinctly nervous. �I ask of you only to remain calm. There is no reason for pandemonium. If you feel you must, keep your children at home and stay indoors, but these riots must end now. As a fellow citizen of this, our great country, I am as sorrowful to witness the police violence as you are, but these men and women are doing their duties, and I must ask you not to give them cause to-�

�The Prime Minister continued in this fashion, avoiding all the questions citizens have put forth.�

�They was right outside my house just this morning, a whole band of them, big black robes and skeleton faces!� An elderly man wearing flannel was yelling into the camera, eyes popping out of his head. �They was carryin� off a teenage boy screamin� for his life. They had wands and they was usin� them against people who tried to help the poor kid! And what�s our government doin� about it is what I wanna know. They�re wastin� their time with church-gatherin�s, callin� �em riots and opressin� �em just cause they�re scared. I�m scared! Who isn�t?�

A picture appeared on the screen of what Bridget knew to be a Death Eater, his wand pointed at a small child who was on her hands and knees crying and covering her head in fear. �This shocking image was taken just last evening by one Janis Bucket of Birmingham, just outside her college as she was walking back home from her night class.�

�I thought maybe it was something for a movie, but there wasn�t a camera in sight. Then I remembered what people had been saying on the news about weird wizards or something.� A teenage girl with a ring in her nose and purple hair was shaking her head in confusion. �I mean, she was so little and he was screaming something at her about shutting up and coming with him! So I took a picture really quick for evidence, cause I had just come out of photography, right? Then I ran forward and told him to stop, and then he lifted his wand and said something weird and that�s how I ended up like this.�

The camera zoomed out to show her legs held tightly together. A doctor was revealed to be standing next to her, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. �You may not think anything strange about Janis at first sight, but by some physical impossibility, her legs will not move apart. We have tried everything in our medical powers to understand why they seem to be stuck together without glue or any visible bond-�

�I don�t know what happened to that little girl.� Janis was beginning to get upset, looking on the edge of tears. �I don�t really care about my legs, I just want to know who these people are and what we�re going to do about it!�

Bridget�s heart was in her throat. This could only mean one thing. Voldemort was pushing forth with his plans and soon the whole world would know. Here she was, witnessing possibly the biggest and most violent change in human civilization, drunk beyond reason and feeling sorry for herself.

�This just in, another health-related anomaly, far more serious than Ms. Bucket�s leg problem�� The camera switched back the reporter and he was squinting down at his notes as if to wonder if there was some sort of typo. �The manager of an Emergency Room in downtown London has confirmed that an elderly woman was committed and immediately quarantined when it appeared that her� Her� there�s no polite way to put this� Her� nasal excrements have grown in size and� sprouted wings...� He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose as if continuing any further was becoming more and more difficult with each passing word. �And they are attacking her.�

�WHAT?� The barkeep dropped the then spotless glass and it shattered on the ground.

A man sitting at the bar, some distance to Bridget�s right had just taken a long drink from his mug and set it down, looking at the two girls knowingly. �I�ve been sayin� it for years. The population surplus has the big guys scared. You know� The Illuminati. They�ve been puttin� small amounts of LSD in our water supplies for past three decades and it�s finally gotten into our blood stream.� He took another swig and looked straight at Bridget, his milky blue eyes twitching slightly in the bright light of the overhead lamps. �Doesn�t really matter though. Life�s just an illusion anyway, eh?� He laughed darkly and spun around on his seat to disappear into a smoky corner, mumbling to himself.

Bridget stared after him for a moment and suddenly felt something rise in her throat.

�Miss, where�s the bathroom please?� She choked, doubling over in her seat.

�Oh, bless, you�re turning blue!� She screamed. �Here, use this bucket!� The woman emptied ice from a silver bucket and hopped over the bar, placing it under the girl�s mouth, and not a moment too soon. �Come along now, that�s good.� Kindly, she rubbed her back and after Bridget grabbed hold of the bucket herself, used her other hand to hold her hair out of her face. �We�re all scared, but we gotta keep our wits, hm? Dear me, what have you been drinking?�

Though it is customary for vomit to look and smell less than pleasant, Bridget realized in horror that due to her lack of eating and her over-drinking, once the burning firewhiskey had left her guts and she had been dry-heaving for some time, green bile was now spewing out, geyser like and foul.

�I think� I think�� She couldn�t manage more than that between heaves.

�You just hold on, hon. Hey, Mitch, call an ambulance!� The woman seemed frightened. �I might just have to pump your stomach myself. What with all the mayhem I don�t know if anyone will come� Won�t be the first time I�ve had to, you know. So don�t you worry. I�ll go boil the hose.�

�That will not be necessary, Madame.�

Bridget couldn�t look up for fear of making sick all over herself, but recognized the voice immediately.

�Oy, he�s one of them! Look at the way he�s dressed! You get back!� A burly man with a grease-stained apron burst out from the back of the bar, pointing a beefy finger at Snape. �Sheila, get the shot gun.�

Without uttering a single word, Severus lifted his wand in various directions, sending all inside the bar into what seemed like deep slumber. All of this she managed to take in, even in her sickly stupor, but afterwards, all she could remember was darkness and a horrible taste in her mouth that penetrated even her dreams.

_______

Walked away, heard them say

�Poison hearts will never change.�

Walked away � again.

_______

�Holy shit�� The pain was unbearable. Half asleep, Bridget opened her eyes tearfully, wishing she could go back to sleep at once. �Holy� oh�no, no oh shit.� It was like her brain was a coalmine and miniature workers were chipping out little chunks with picks and hammers. Her body was shaking from the inside, some kind of toxic shock, she surmised. Deciding to keep her eyes shut, she held her head, crying out in torturous confessions to the ceiling.

�Take this.� Something was being pressed to her lips and she took it down without question. Her stomach had jerked in response as if to deny it, but the man in the room with her sat on the bed and placed an arm around her shoulders, calming her nerves and allowing the bitter liquid to slide down easily.

The effect was almost instantaneous. It felt like liquid stillness and she fell back limply, grinning at nothing in particular in the darkness. �Wow that�s nice.� She stretched her arms up and turned to see Severus Snape glaring down at her from behind. Leaning back playfully she fell down into his lap, gazing up at him childishly. �What�s the matter, grumps?�

�Your breath is atrocious.� He sneered, picking her up and placing her back on the bed. �You ask me� what is wrong? Perhaps you�ve had a lapse in memory, Miss Evans.� He stood up and paced slowly to the foot of her bed, thin bands of moonlight striping his face through the blinds of the window that stood behind her. The bands of light and shadow seemed to dance across his saddened face, the gauze curtains waving slowly in the slight breeze of the ceiling fan.

�No, I remember.� She whispered, not knowing what else to say.

�I would ask you what you were thinking, but I think I already know, and I wouldn�t have you explain yourself.� He paused, bringing his hands to a clasp in front of his white peasant shirt, seeming more reasonable than she could have ever imagined him to be capable of. �However, right now, this moment, you must promise something to me, Bridget.�

She brought herself up on her elbows. �What promise?�

�Promise me you�ll never drink like this again.� He leaned forward to make his face more visible. His expression was almost heartbreaking, and she realized guiltily just what she had put him through.

�I� I� think I�m going to pass out.� Indeed, she felt her eyes fluttering shut, the effect of the potion she had just taken overwhelming her with a sudden rush of peace so strong in potency that she pondered on whether the sensation must be what people described heaven to be.

�When was the last time you ate something?�

He rushed to her side but she couldn�t even turn to face him, losing all control of her muscles, barely able to open her mouth, yet not really wishing to move or speak. Bridget wanted to feel like this forever. It might have been her imagination, but she couldn�t feel her body anymore. There was now only blackness, endlessly everything and nothing.

Then it was all violently over. She was awake again, horribly aware of her existence and all the awful complexities that came along with the inconveniences of having a body. A body that wanted nothing more than to die and fade away rather than feel what it was feeling again.

Maybe this wasn�t heaven at all. This was more likely hell, for she knew no worse fate than to be sent through an endless spiral of indescribable pain to endless bliss and back again for all eternity.

The sun was rising through the window as she opened her eyes weakly, Severus standing over her, seeming statuesque in the blue light of dusk. Rain was tapping against the window and she wished it would stop, for it sounded more like elephants stomping on her head.

�It hurts so much.� Crying again, Bridget covered her face to shield herself from invisible daggers that seemed to be piercing her eye sockets.

�You could have tried eating something these past few days� I think even with the copious amounts of liquor you would be in a much better state had your stomach held anything to soak at least a little of it up.� She felt the bed shift and his hand pull her arms down. �I would give you more Draught of Peace, but the last time it almost killed you. I had to counter it with Serum of Arousal and anything else could destroy you at this point.�

�Please� don�t talk so loud.� She covered her ears, his voice paining her further.

�You must eat something.� He whispered, an air of irritation coming through.

Not wanting to open her eyes, she felt more movement from his side of the bed and what sounded like a spoon tapping against the side of a bowl. Howling in protest, she rolled away from him, stuffing her face into the pillow. The very thought of food made her guts twist angrily...

�Don�t be ridiculous. It�s only broth, Bridget. You must eat something immediately.� His hand pulled at her shoulder, forcing her onto her back. �Sit. Now, Bridget.�

She refused and she heard him slam the bowl down angrily, the loud clang sending another wave of pain through her head. Firm hands scooped her upward by her arms, forcing her to sit. Limping over like a rag doll, he pulled near to her, and she felt a hot spoon against her lips, pressing persistently. Unable to resist, she swallowed down the liquid. At first it felt pleasant in her stale mouth, but as it reached her stomach her whole body gave a jerk.

�I don�t think it�ll stay down.� She whimpered as the spoon returned to her lips.

�We�ll just have to find out. Keep going.�

After what seemed like hours of swallowing and agonizing gags, she had taken down half the bowl, which he seemed to be pleased with and set the vegetable broth. Her eyes had grown enough strength to open, and they found the image of Snape sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out at the morning rain.

�I didn�t think you�d come� How did you find me?�

He didn�t look at her as he spoke. �I came to the house and when I was able to open the door, I knew you weren�t inside. It was Sunday� remember? I checked the graveyard first and didn�t figure you as the church-going type. The bar was the next logical choice.�

�I guess I lost track of the days.� Bridget pulled herself to a more upright position, wincing at the soreness of her body and head.

�You still haven�t made your promise I requested.�

Bridget bit down on her lip with hesitation, then decidedly said, �Why should you care?� She knew that this question was just a ploy to get him to say something kind, wanting to avoid any more discussion about her escapades.

Severus didn�t answer. He only turned now to face her, hiking his legs back up on the bed. Giving her another one of his powerful expressions, he conveyed that he would not take part in such a silly game of adverse and emotional malarkey.

She frowned and squinted in insolence. �Don�t you need to get to your classes? It�s a Monday��

�Hogwarts has been closed for the time being. Things are becoming quite serious while you live so blissfully unaware of the world outside, treating your life as nothing while others are fighting for theirs every day.� A bit more fire showed through the depths of his eyes, each word pronounced as if previously memorized to perfection.

�And what am I supposed to be doing then, if I offend you so much?�

�I certainly know what you shouldn�t do, Miss Evans.� He looked away from her, his thoughts seeming to trail off as he looked at the wall. �What you have done with yourself has been unnaturally selfish. Your dear Godfather may not be with us anymore, but that hardly gives you reason to poison yourself so willfully and without consideration.�

She did feel ashamed of herself, but she also felt promises and apologies were hardly in order. �What I do with my life is my business. You don�t really care about me� You just don�t want to feel guilty if something happens to me. There�s no one left to really care about me. Why shouldn�t I just drink it all away? What is there to be sober for?�

He looked pained at this and fixedly stared at her. �Very well� I think I understand you perfectly.�

�What?�

The man got to his feet and retrieved his robes from the floor, running a hand through his hair the way he did when he felt insulted.

�Wait! I�m sorry! I didn�t mean��

�Why apologize, Miss Evans? If the affection you have showed for me has been all some empty attempt at finding someone to care for you, then I have no business being here. You know, for one so young you are quite talented at the art of deception.�

�But that�s not what I� What are you talking about?� She leaned forward, eyes burning in frustration.

�You said there is nothing to remain here for� that I only come to you for reasons of duty. You dare make such assumptions of my intentions?� He threw down his robe again, his anger taking full hold. �You have had me believing that you somehow wanted me near you, whispering your affections to me in embraces that I have continuously denied, yet you call me back again and again. Such displays of compassion and here you are claiming it all to be meaningless.�

Her head pounded angrily and she found herself unable to speak anymore, falling back miserably into her headboard. Bridget knew he was putting words in her mouth and wanted to fight back, but it was impossible. Covering her face, she heard his heavy footsteps making their exit. It seemed her fate to eternally say all the wrong things.

�Don�t do this!� She finally cried out, and made a feeble attempt at getting to her feet. Now she was nothing but a pathetic heap on the floor, pounding on the ground madly.

Bridget thought he had left, for there was a sickening silence through out the house� But when powerful arms lifted her into the cushiony warmth of her bed, her eyes flickered open in hope.

�Please, it wasn�t meaningless.� She whispered, gazing up at the tragic face that hovered over her, his hands still lingering around her waist. �I promise. I promise I�ll never drink like that again, Severus.� The name slipped so comfortably off of her lips. When he had called her by her name for the first time, it had been such an uplifting sound, and now speaking his was almost cathartic in nature.

With the little strength that she had, she reached one hand to his arm. He looked down at where she�d touched him and bowed his head as if to silently apologize. But he didn�t need to. They understood each other. Bridget tugged at his arm and he gracefully crawled over her, falling into the bed next to her.

He lifted himself to his side to gaze down at her and she wrapped her arms around his chest as he pulled her close, her face cradled in the crook of his neck. With a smile, she felt him begin to pet her hair, soothing her nerves and ending the tears.

�Please don�t hold this against me. I know I�m a stupid little girl, but you�re the best thing� the best part of my life.� Bridget spoke truthfully against his throat, clutching at his shirt.

�You don�t even know who I am. How can such a thing be?� He pulled back and slid his body down to face her. �This must not continue� Bridget, this is wrong, can�t you see?�

�Then why are you still here?� This wasn�t so much a question as a statement and she moved to kiss him.

He pulled away. �Of course I am here. How can I deny you?�

�You could if you wanted to.�

�No� I couldn�t.� Severus ran his fingertip down the line of her chin, his eyes tracing each detail of her face as he spoke. �Even if I wanted to I could not. You must believe me.�

�Then don�t.�

He hesitated then kissed her forehead, pulling back again to make eye contact as he spoke. �Rest for now. I promise I won�t leave you.�

�I don�t think I could sleep.� She shook her head, trying to meet his lips.

He refused. �At least try� for me.�

�Don�t leave.� Again she attempted to kiss him.

�I believe I just told you I wouldn�t.� He held her away from him, something stirring in the black pools.

�Didn�t you just say you couldn�t deny me?� Yet again, she tried to push forward and bring their lips together but he remained consistent in his refusal.

�That doesn�t mean I shouldn�t try.�

�Is there something else wrong?� She asked, a pout touching the corners of her lips as she put an end to her attempts, falling back onto her pillow.

He didn�t answer, only turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

�What is it?� The edge of urgency had risen in her voice and he seemed to recoil at this as if he had wished not to be pressed further. �Tell me. You�ve got to.� She added the last part when she saw evidence in his expression that he had no intention of telling her.

�As much as I know what has transpired between us has been entirely inappropriate� I cannot deny that I would like it to continue.�

This surprised her and would have made her heart lift had it not been for the poignant look on his face that had not gone away. �So� what�s wrong then?� She asked impatiently, feeling more and more frustrated at him.

�I have not been entirely honest and�� He paused, his eyes closing softly against the words he struggled to speak. �There is something I must tell you. Before you make your mind up to whether you wish to continue your ah� fondness for me.�

�I don�t understa-�

�Then let me finish.� He snapped at her, his malicious nature biting through as it occasionally did.

She flinched and remained completely silent, fearful of him and what he was about to say.

�In my days as a schoolboy� Around your age, actually, certain things transpired between your mother and I and� I. Oh this is pointless. What am I even thinking?� He stopped and got to his feet again, making as if he might leave, then pacing back angrily around the room. �Even if I told you, you hardly have the mind or experience to make any sort of decision.� Pausing, he pointed an accusing finger at her. �You must end your foolish ideas of love towards me.�

�Don�t tell me what to do!� She burst out of her silence and got to the floor, stumbling weakly towards him, using the edge of a wardrobe to hold herself upright. �Only you can decide what to do for yourself! I may have called you back when you�ve tried to leave, but I didn�t force you! You say you �can�t deny me�, but that�s just a cop-out. You want to be with me too.�

He had rushed up to her in an almost beast-like fashion and grabbed her by her shoulders, shaking her violently. �There is nothing here to love, you stupid girl!� He had drug her limp body to the middle of the room, shouting violently and shaking her even harder as she burst into tears. �What ever it is you might think you see in the man that stands before you � it is NOT HERE! There is NOTHING here!�

Severus released his grip and she fell to the floor, sobbing into her sleeve. �Don�t ever come back, you fucking monster!� She screamed, holding herself as she heard his footfalls trail down the stairs, followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

�You bastard.� She cried to the ground, rocking back and forth.

Choking back on her sobs, she glared into nothingness and dragged herself up onto her bed, even weaker than she had been before. �Fucking bastard.� She spoke into hands as she wiped away the tears. �I hate him. I hate him so much. I�ll show him. I�ll show him��

It took an hour to finally fall asleep even with her exhaustion. Something in her wanted to punish him for his inconsistency. Even if Bridget had never experienced something like this before, she knew that playing with someone�s emotions was wrong. To have raised her hopes and dropped her so many times over again was now unforgivable. "I�ll show him."
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