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January	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3745 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 4
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�Time to tell me the truth.

To burden your mouth for what you say,

No pieces of paper in the way.

Cause I can�t continue pretending to choose,

The opposite sides on which we fall�

The loving you laters if at all�

No right minds could wrong be this
many times��.

Remus
stretched and yawned where he lay, not opening his eyes. He found himself
tired, even though he knew he�d just woken up. He also knew he was still in the
freezing house where he normally only ever went to turn into a werewolf.

He was on
the uncomfortable bed he normally staggered onto at the end of every bone
wrenching full moon, on top of the covers, fully dressed. Weak light peeking in
through the cracks in the boarded up windows told him it was morning again, and
that he�d been there all night.

What he
didn�t realise, however, until he opened his eyes fully, was that he was not
alone.

�Welcome
back to the world,� James looked at him oddly, from where he sat on the end of
the bed.

�What are
you doing here?� Remus managed to sit up, knowing from the stinging in his eyes
and his headache that he must look a wreck.

�I could
ask you the same thing,� James frowned. �What are you playing at? You�ve had us
all worried to death.�

�All of
you?� Remus couldn�t help but ask in a disbelieving tone.

James
seemed to know what he was getting at. �Yes. All of us.�

Remus
swallowed thickly. �Where are the others?�

�Pads is in the dormitory, chain smoking himself to
insanity, in case you decided to come back by yourself. Wormtail
is doing the rounds of all your favourite hideouts. We�ve been looking since
five this bloody morning, you arsehole.�

�Sorry,�
Remus muttered.

�You want
to tell me why you�ve spent the night risking bloody hypothermia in this dump
when you don�t have to?� James raised an eyebrow.

I�m not saying anything until I know
what Sirius has said.

�Oh, I see�
you�re going to keep schtum about it just like
Sirius. Well I�m not stupid. Lily might call me that, but I�m not. Tell me what
the hell happened on Thursday night.�

�It�s not
my place to talk about it. You�re Sirius� best friend; if he hasn�t talked to
you then I�m not going to do it for him.�

A deeper
frowned marred James� brow and Remus swung his legs off the bed, feeling a deep
ache in his back passage. His mind flitted back to the afternoon before and
what Severus had done to him to make him ache so badly.

�You really
think I�m his best friend?� James called to him, as he paced away to peer out
of the cracks of the boards over the windows.

Remus
nodded without turning to look at him.

�Funny� I
always thought you were.�

�Don�t be
stupid,� Remus said automatically, seeing the snow in the village and
shivering. �You�re the one he gets in trouble with; you�re the one he sneaks
out with.�

�And you�re
the one he�s been distraught about since three o� clock yesterday afternoon,�
James got to his feet.

He was worried? Remus wondered what had changed so that
he didn�t feel guilty about making Sirius worry, or feel
elated that the person he loved had spent so much time caring about him.

�We should
get back to the castle. He was threatening if you weren�t found by breakfast he
was going to Dumbledore.�

Now that caused a prick of emotion in his
gut. Sirius never wanted to involve higher authority. Even when things got
really bad on the full moon, Sirius insisted they deal with it together rather
than involving the teachers unnecessarily.

�Yeah,
okay,� Remus nodded, shivering slightly in the draught coming through boarded
window. The glass hadn�t stood a chance against him in werewolf form, mainly because,
even though he was animalistic on the full moon, Remus had a strange quirk
about watching glass shatter. The way it cracked, the way it sounded on impact
and then the tinkling and sparkling as each of the parts shattered to the
floor. He could only assume his wolf liked the same thing.

He moved
stiffly as he followed James from the room, already dreading what kind of
reception he�d get back in the dormitory.

However,
James didn�t take him straight to the dormitory. From the sounds in the Great Hall,
breakfast was already on, and that was where he led him.

�You missed
lunch and dinner yesterday, you must be starving,� he murmured to Remus as they
entered the hall.

�A bit,�
Remus conceded, as his stomach growled at him.

They passed
the Slytherin table and Remus� eyes easily fell on Severus, who was sitting
looking uncomfortable amongst his peers, as usual. But there was a difference
in that they were all smiling at him. Remus heard a snatch of their
conversation.

�So, Snape, how are you going to celebrate becoming a man? Your seventeenth
calls for a celebration!�

�We could
have a sort of party tonight if you want, in the common room,� one of the girls
offered.

�No, it�s fine,� Severus shook his head. �I don�t want anything.�

So, it was
Severus� coming of age. I wish I�d known, I would have got a present� Remus slipped onto the
bench next to James thinking on that. Why on earth should he be thinking about
buying Severus Snape a birthday present? He barely had enough money to buy them
for his family and oldest friends, let alone someone he only started feeling
amicably about the day before. Because he
did something amazing for you, that�s why.

Remus was
dragged from his thoughts by Sirius entering the Great Hall, looking around for
them, and his face, tired and wan, relaxing as he caught sight of Remus sitting
next to James. He threw himself down on the bench opposite at them and arranged
his features into a glare, directed solely at Remus.

�Where the fuck have you been?�

�I� did
what you asked me to,� Remus raised his chin and looked straight into the grey
eyes.

�I didn�t mean all fucking night,� Sirius hissed at him. �For Merlin�s sake
Moony I thought you might be dead somewhere.�

�Wait a
second,� James looked between them. �What did you ask him to do Pads?�

Sirius
scowled at Remus and said nothing; James turned his head to look at Remus.

�It�s
nothing,� Remus said calmly, and poured himself some
orange juice.

�Don�t give
me that bollocks,� James slammed down his fork. �I�ve been up all fucking night
because of something you apparently said,� he jabbed a finger at Sirius. �Now. Tell me.�

�I asked
him to get out of my face,� Sirius said to the table.

�Why?�
James pushed further.

�It�s
nothing,� Remus repeated, firmer than before and turned a glare which rarely
passed over his human features on James.

�Alright,
don�t get all fucking wolfy on me,� James muttered,
and picked up his fork again.

They were
distracted by an outbreak of mocking singing at the Slytherin table, and Remus�
head snapped up to see Severus� face burning ferociously as his housemates
embarrassed him by singing Happy Birthday. He had a kind of grimace on his face
and Remus� heart went out to him. Poor Severus.

�I�m
surprised he�s made it to seventeen without someone killing him,� James
muttered to Sirius, who, surprisingly, did not laugh.

Remus
wondered if that was down to him. As the hall returned to normal and he drank
the last of his juice, he saw Severus get up and slip outside, clutching his
post to his body.

�I�m just
going to go to the dorm and have a shower,� Remus climbed off the bench. �The
shack�s filthy.�

�You spent
the night in the shack?� Sirius hissed at him angrily. �You could have frozen
to death!�

�That�s
what I said,� James shrugged.

�I�ll see
you later,� Remus looked coolly into Sirius� eyes, reminding him that he had
already made his request and Remus wasn�t going to deny him it. So what if it hurts his bleeding heart?

His pent-up
anger towards Sirius astounded him, as he hurried from the hall and looked
about, hoping to see where Severus had gone. He had just been miserable the day
before, not angry. He was surprisingly in luck. The front doors were open and
Remus caught the sight of his greasy hair fleetingly as Severus disappeared
down the steps. Without stopping to think, Remus hurried after him, nearly
slipping on the icy stone. He looked over his shoulder to check there was
nobody in earshot before calling out his name.

Severus
stopped and looked back at him, before raising his eyebrows. Remus caught up to
him, the snow once again flooding his shoes and socks. He was going to get ill
if he wasn�t careful, his immune system was shattered enough as it was.

�I heard it
was your birthday?� Remus smiled, coming to a halt next to him.

�I expect
everybody bloody heard,� Severus muttered, clutching the post he was holding tighter.

�Cards from your family?� Remus enquired casually, looking at them.

�Probably.
That or my father chucking me out now I�m of age. Not sure which�d be more welcome, the
freedom or the birthday money.�

�You don�t
get on well with your father, then?� Remus frowned, and they turned and walked
around the side of the castle.

�Understatement,�
Severus laughed bitterly.

Not wanting
to push too far, Remus dropped it.

�You
weren�t at dinner last night,� Severus said quietly, and Remus knew it was more
of a question than an observation.

�I spent the night in the shack,� Remus replied. �Wanted to do what he asked
me.�

�I figured
as much,� Severus kicked some of the snow out of his way, and it flew out in front
of them.

�James
found me, as usual,� Remus muttered, and a scowl settled over Severus� features
instantly.

�Why are
you here?� he asked abruptly.

�I wanted
to wish you a happy birthday,� Remus smiled warmly, hoping to convey that he
felt no malice. �After all, you did something pretty� amazing for me
yesterday.�

Severus
shrugged. �Doesn�t mean we�re friends, Lupin.�

�I know.
But still.�

�Are we
done then?� Severus raised his eyebrows.

�Well��
Remus didn�t know what made him do it, but he stepped forward and threw his
arms around Severus, pushing their lips together and uncurling his tongue into
the unsuspecting mouth, tasting the sweet remnants of butter and jam within it.
This feels like magic.

�WHAT THE FUCK?!�

Remus
instantly let go of Severus and stepped back, horrified to see that Severus
wasn�t reacting as quickly as he was, and that his eyes were still shut, lips
still parted, and so he didn�t see Sirius� fist coming towards him as it swung
straight into his nose and sent him peeling backwards onto the snow.

�Sirius!�
Remus yelled, rushing to Severus� side. His face was covered in blood. �Oh
Merlin you�ve broken his nose, twat!�

But Remus
found himself unable to help because Sirius had yanked
him up off the floor and sent him staggering sideways. �Get off me,� he hissed,
eyes wide as the blood dripped off Severus� face and stained the snow. Severus
himself seemed to be unconscious.

Remus had
to lunge for Sirius then, who aimed a kick at Severus� stomach but Remus
knocked him off course. �Why the fuck are you punching
it out on him?�

Sirius
didn�t answer, but extricated himself from Remus� grip and stood panting,
looking down at the unconscious boy in the snow. He had the grace to look
slightly disgusted with himself.

�Why were
you kissing him?� He asked in a low voice.

�None of
your business,� Remus retorted instantly. �If it wasn�t before it certainly
isn�t now.�

�Why were
you kissing him?� Sirius repeated.

Remus
didn�t answer, but fell to his knees and tried to examine the broken nose
before him. His stomach gave a lurch as he could see some cartilage stark
against the blood.

�Remus,�
Sirius� voice was different now. �Why are you� I
thought you wanted me��

He didn�t
look around as he pushed Severus� hair out of his face. �Strange things happen
when you get rejected by someone you love.�

�But I didn�t reject you, I just asked-�

�For me to get out of your face. What was I supposed to think?� Remus snapped,
startled by the hurt in Sirius� voice. �Now for god�s sake, either help me with
him, or fuck off.�

He heard
footsteps in the snow and cursed internally. Great. How can this get any worse? He whipped his head round to see the
new spectator in the ugly puppet show his life had taken on in the last few
days, but wanted to vomit when he realised it was actually Sirius walking away
from him, leaving him with his knees wet in the snow, and Severus bleeding
profusely over his own face.

�You
bastard,� Remus� voice broke, and tears coursed over his cold face.

�What the
fuck?� Severus blinked awake, aware of the warm coating on his face and the
agony in his nose. �Lupin, what the fuck?� His eyes
focused on Remus� face. �Why are you crying?�

�I was
trying to give you a birthday kiss, and Sirius must have followed me. He�s
broken your nose. I need to get you to the hospital wing.� Remus mumbled
miserably. �Can you walk, do you think?�

Severus let
Remus tug him to his feet, giving a few wobbles as his head spun. He nearly
fell over again as Remus ducked to pick up what he had dropped and tucked the
letters under his arm, before steadying Severus. �Come on.�

***

Of course,
the broken nose was healed in a matter of minutes by the school nurse. Remus
had never assumed it would be anything but. But he still sat miserably as
Severus� face was cleaned free of his own drying blood, and saw how he winced
when the nurse ran her fingers over the break to check that it had knitted
correctly back into position.

�You might
have a bump there,� she told Severus, who merely winced at the news.

�You still
don�t want to tell me who broke it in the first place? The nurse asked him
patronisingly, and Remus blushed as her glare turned to him.

�Lupin
didn�t break my nose,� Severus muttered. �He�s not got the punch in him.�

�Then who
did?�

�It doesn�t
matter.�

�I�m
reporting this to the Headmaster, you realise?�

Severus
simply shrugged as Remus sat, stunned, watching as he passed up the perfect
opportunity to get Sirius thrown out on his arse. Fighting was one thing, but
actually causing bodily harm was always heavily punished at Hogwarts.

�Fine.
But expect the Headmaster to call you in at some point during today. He takes
these things extremely seriously.�

Severus
stood and Remus handed him the birthday post he was still holding. Christ. What a birthday �present� I managed
to land him with� Remus sneered at himself. The look of anguish must have
shown on his face, because when they stepped out into the chilly corridor,
Severus laid a hand on his arm. �I don�t blame you,� he said quietly.

�You
should,� Remus shook his head. �If I�d not been stupid enough to kiss you like
that then it would never happened.�

�I�m not
going to complain about the kiss,� Severus� mouth hitched up at the side. �It
was pretty good, you know� before I got knocked out.�

Remus
couldn�t help a little grin.

�I�m really
sorry I got your nose broken on your birthday,� Remus turned to face him
properly. �It must have really hurt.�

�It�s not
the first time,� Severus shrugged quickly, before an odd look passed over his
features and his eyes became impersonal.

Remus frowned
and was about to open his mouth to ask, when Severus turned away. �I�ll see you
in lessons on Monday, I guess��

�Severus,
wait, I wanted to say than-� but Severus had already hurried round the corner
and straining his ears, Remus could hear him running.

And so he
found himself climbing the stairs back to Gryffindor Tower,
not really knowing what he was going to say or do when he got there. He was so
angry at Sirius. He wasn�t sure if he could remember being angrier than he
currently was, not even when Sirius had led Severus to the shack on that night�
No. The feelings coursing through his veins surpassed that. And yet Remus
wondered why on earth he still felt for him. He didn�t have to rummage through
his soul to know that he still loved Sirius, despite his failings.

He climbed
through the portrait hole with the intention of ignoring everybody and heading
straight upstairs, but as he heard his name called by a female voice, he
realised that the simplicity of that plan was too much to hope for.

�Lupin!�
the tone was icy and he didn�t have to turn round to know it was Lily. �Where
the hell do you get off shirking your prefect patrols?�

Shit. Remus� cheeks reddened as he looked
up at her angry face, knowing he had forgotten all about their scheduled patrol
whilst he�d lain in the shack, crying himself to sleep. �Oh, I�m so sorry-� he
began, but she held up a hand to cut him off.

�I don�t
want your apology,� she scowled at him. �But I�m going to report you for
skiving off.�

�Fine,�
Remus shrugged, turning away from her to continue his trudge up to the safe
haven of his bed.

�I�m not
done with you!� she put a hand out and grabbed his shoulder. �You�re a rubbish
prefect, you�re always forgetting stuff, and you never discipline anybody
properly. It makes me wonder why Dumbledore bothered.�

I always ask myself the same
question. In fact� �Fine,� he snapped, the heat rising to his face. �If
I�m so rubbish, Lily, here,� he tore the badge off his outer robe, hearing the
material rip. �Take the badge, I quit my role as
prefect.�

He pushed
the badge into her hand, ignoring her stunned face, stamped to the stairs
leading to the dormitories, and then ran out everybody�s sight. It was a relief
to make it to his bed. The room was blissfully empty. He threw himself down and
wrapped his arms around his body in a sulk, kicking off his shoes onto the
floor with loud thuds. He was freezing and his head thumped. There was only one
thing for it. He reached into the cupboard by his bed and pulled out the last
of his chocolate stash, which he had been saving for the next full moon. Desperate times call for desperate measures,.. That�s what Mum always says.

With that
in mind, he ripped off the foil and broke off a massive chunk, shoving as much
of it as he could in his mouth before biting. �It was his favourite, chocolate with chunks of
honeycomb and hazelnut. It swirled on his tongue as he chewed, eyes closed. I always used to think you were better than
sex� now I know differently. He half-smiled at that.

There was a
knock on the dormitory door, which he�d slammed shut, and he groaned. �Go
away.�

As ever,
the door opened anyway and Lily stepped into the room, still holding his
prefect badge and attached shred of fabric from his robe. Her face was
apologetic.

�Here�s
your badge back,� she murmured, walking over to his bed and putting it down
next to him. �Please don�t quit.�

Remus
swallowed what he had been chewing and looked up at her. �You�re right, though.
I�m a rubbish prefect. Let them give it to someone else.�

�Who else
are they going to give it to?� She sat down next to his legs with a smile on
her face. She looked at each of the beds as she spoke about their owners. �Sirius? He�d never put anyone in detention other than those
he didn�t like. Peter? He�d be too easily pushed into skimping on punishments.
And Potter would be creating reasons
to give people detentions. Trust me. You�re the lesser
of four evils here, Remus.�

She turned
her face to him and smiled. �Why are you so upset?�

�I�m not
upset,� Remus replied automatically.

�Please,�
Lily snorted. �Don�t insult my intelligence. You�re sitting on your bed, alone,
looking like death warmed up, snarfing a large bar of
chocolate. This is a scene I�d expect to find in my dorm, not yours!�

�Are you
implying I�m acting like a girl?� Remus raised an eyebrow.

Lily
laughed and put her hand on his knee. �No. I just� you�re sort of like a teddy
bear. When you�re down it�s horrible to watch because you�re normally so��

�So what?�
Remus was fighting a smile now.

�Cute and fluffy and smiley,� Lily raised her chin and tried not to laugh.

Remus
rolled his eyes. �My poor ego,� he rubbed his chest dramatically.

�It should
be very inflating to your ego,� she countered. �There are a lot of girls in
this Tower that�d love to be the one comforting you when you�re ill.�

�Then why
don�t they show it?� Remus frowned.

Lily
laughed and simply looked at him.

�What?�
Remus frowned further.

�Because none of the girls want to fight off Sirius to get to
you. He�s like a guard dog.�

Remus
couldn�t help his sad smile and nod; it was all he could give her in reply.

Then a
thought came to him. �Lily� you know Severus well, don�t you?�

She
stiffened on his bed and looked uncomfortable. �I did� why do you ask?�

�Why is he
so cagey about his home life?�

�He� he doesn�t
have the best time of things at home,� Lily frowned. �I hoped it would have
gotten better by now. Why do you ask?�

�No
reason,� Remus shook his head. �It�s his birthday today.�

�I know,
seventeen,� she looked sadly at the floor.

�Are you
okay?�

She sighed
and got to her feet. �The past is past, I suppose. No point being sad about
it.�

�Whatever�s
in the past� I�d say he�s still sad about it,� Remus shrugged, breaking off
another chunk of chocolate and handing it to her.

�I�m sure
he is,� she put the chocolate in her mouth and chewed.

She was
about say more when the door opened, and James, Peter and Sirius froze in the frame,
eyes on the scene in front of them.

�Lily,
here,� Remus scooped the badge back off the bed and passed it to her. �I really
don�t want it any more; convince Dumbledore to let you pair with one of your
friends for the rest of the year. I mean it.�

�But Remus,
come on,� she turned to him. �You�re a good prefect, I was just angry. Don�t
give it up on my account.�

�You�re
giving up being a prefect?� Peter asked in surprise from the door. �But you
were so happy when you got the badge��

�That�s all
it is though, a badge,� Remus shrugged. �To me, anyway.
Might as well go to someone who can do the position well.�

Lily could
tell she wasn�t going to get any more out of him with his roommates in the
doorway. �Okay. I�ll talk to Dumbledore� I�m really sorry for what I said. The rubbish part, not the cute and fluffy part.� She winked
at him and made for the door, honing her features to a glare.

James
instantly leapt out of her way and she shoved past Sirius, not caring about his
manners. And then they all turned to look back at Remus who had his mouth full
of chocolate again on the bed. He said nothing.

Peter was
the first one to speak again. �Are you alright, Moony, you don�t look well?�

�I�m fine,�
Remus gave his standard response and moved to pull the curtains around his bed.

�Oh no you don�t,� James strode over. �Why was Lily calling you cute and
fluffy?� Remus wanted to laugh at the hurt look on his face.

�Don�t
worry, Prongs, I�m not stealing her from you,� he shook his head, hand still on
the curtains, well aware that Sirius was frozen in the doorway.

�Why are
you giving up your position as a prefect?� Peter asked, sounding concerned.

�Because I
am clearly fighting a losing battle,� Remus made his voice stronger. �I can�t
be a prefect and let you run around all over the school, doing what you want.�

�Friendship versus position?� James frowned.

Not exactly. But if it makes you feel big and important. �Yeah, I suppose you could look at
it like that.�

�Remus,�
James surprised him by using his proper name for once. �You didn�t have to do
that.�

�I wanted
to,� Remus shrugged and gave the curtain a tug. �I can�t have my friends going
around breaking people�s noses without reporting them.�

�What? I
haven�t broken anyone�s nose!� James� eyebrows hit his hairline. �I promise
you.�

�Not you,�
Remus turned his head pointedly to Sirius in the doorway.

�Whose nose
did you break?� Peter asked.

Sirius didn�t
reply, he didn�t move from the doorway.

�He broke
Snape�s nose,� Remus informed them. �Not that I expect you care. You�ll just
applaud him.�

But neither
was laughing or looking happy. James looked at Sirius. �You realise you could
get yourself expelled, right?�

Sirius
shifted the weight of his body between his feet.

�He won�t
get expelled,� Remus muttered, �Severus didn�t tell Pomfrey
and he won�t tell Dumbledore either.�

�How are you so sure?� James rounded on him, still looking perplexed.

Sod it. Didn�t think this far ahead.

�Yeah,
that�s right,� Sirius finally spoke, a stony gaze emitting from his eyes as he
nodded his head. �Tell them why you�re so sure that Snape won�t run to the
headmaster over me. Tell them what he was doing to you right before I broke his
nose.�

James and
Peter looked between them.

�If you
must know, he wasn�t doing anything.
It was all me,� Remus said clearly, sending his best glare back, and felt a
dash of satisfaction in his veins as hurt flared in the grey eyes looking back
at him.

�Guys,
what�s going on?� Peter finally breathed. �I�m confused. Can you be honest with
us?�

�Yes,
Remus, can you be honest with them?� Sirius shot at him.

Anger built
inside of him and he knew he was going to break before it happened. It was unstoppable,
and hurt so much.

�Shut the
fuck up!� Remus burst out, leaping off the bed. �You were the one who spent Thursday night sticking your tongue down my throat, and feeling me up, Sirius. You were the one who told me that even though you were drunk you
knew you were enjoying it and placated me with that when I said I didn�t want
to get hurt. And you were the one
that asked me to get out of your face
yesterday morning!�

�I asked you to get out of my face, not into Severus FUCKING Snape�s mouth!� Sirius�
own temper reared out of him.

Remus
closed his eyes to gasps of horror from both Peter and James.

And so
oddly for Remus, he found himself wanting to horrify them all more. He wanted
to tell them that he�d had a lot more than Severus Snape�s tongue inside of
him. But he couldn�t do that to Severus, the repercussions would be too severe.
They�d been bad enough already.

�No, maybe
you didn�t. But he was caring enough to be there when you weren�t. So unless
you can go back in time and change the way you rejected me yesterday morning,
Sirius, there�s really no point in dragging this out.�

�Like hell
there is,� Sirius spat. �He�s gone and dirtied you all up.�

�What?�
James turned to him, face aghast. �Pads mate, I think you need to take a step
back here.�

�Stay out
of it,� Sirius snarled, moving closer to Remus.

�Going to
hit me?� Remus asked, spreading his arms. �Fine, take a shot. That would have
been a lot fairer than what you did to Severus.�

Sirius
looked like he was seriously considering it and Remus exhaled and shook his
head.

�I don�t
know why I love you,� he said, voice wobbling. �I really have no fucking idea.�

�WHAT?!�
James yelped, throwing his hands up in the air. �Oh Merlin this is just getting
weirder. Peter. Hit me, am I dreaming?�

�What
happened in the club was a mistake,� when Sirius finally spoke again, his voice
was hard. �It was a mistake. I didn�t enjoy it. It made me feel sick.�

�Could have
fooled me when your dick was jammed into my hip,� Remus spat at him, and winced
as Sirius flew towards him, fist pulled back.

�Oh no you don�t!� James shouted, grabbing Sirius around the waist and shoving
him back towards the door. �No. Nobody�s punching anybody.�

Sirius
staggered and grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on, which was
unfortunately the water jug on the stand in the middle of the dorm. In a fluid
motion, he hurled it in Remus� direction and fled, not waiting to hear the
glass shatter, see the water fly everywhere or hear Remus� shout of pain.

There was
water everywhere, not least pouring from Remus� eyes as Sirius words kept on
coming back to him. The glass had shattered on contact with the stone floor,
and the shards had bounced up over Remus, some slashing into his skin.

�Fuck it,
Remus, you�re bleeding,� James grabbed his arm from where he�d raised it to
shield his eyes.

A shard of
glass was lodged vertically and deeply in the underside of his wrist, blood
dripping sideways off his arm.

�Shit,
that�s cut the vein,� James examined it under the light. �I can�t heal that;
we�ll have to go to the hospital wing.�

Remus could
only let out a whimper of a sob. Great. Werewolf has
failed suicide attempt, I can see it now. Mum and Dad are going to go berserk.
�No, James, I don�t want to go��

�You�re
losing loads of blood,� James motioned to his wrist with the free hand that
wasn�t holding on to it. �You have to go. I�ll tell them what happened, that
it�s not what it looks like.�

�You should
go and find Sirius,� Remus mumbled through his tears. �Make sure he�s not doing
anything stupid.�

�After what
he just did to you, you still care?� Peter pressed a wad of toilet paper on him
to try and stem the blood.

�Love
doesn�t go away just because someone throws a water jug at you,� Remus� throat
burned.

�Normal
love might,� James muttered. �Maybe not werewolf hormone induced love, though.�

***

Remus lay
in his bed that night feeling weak. He had lost so much blood they�d had to
plug him full of replenishing potions. It had taken Madam Pomfrey
so long to fix his vein (the shard of glass literally having obliterated it and
gone straight through) that he had lost more than he should have. Even though
he�d been set right he still felt weak. He didn�t know what the time was. Even
though James had tried to explain what Remus had asked him to (that Remus had
simply dropped the jug and the glass had shattered everywhere on the stone
floor) it became clear that nobody believed him when Remus found himself sat
opposite McGonagall being questioned about whether he�d tried to commit
suicide, considering Lily had been to see her that afternoon stating he�d given
up his position as prefect and he was upset about something.

He was
tired of questions. It was a relief to be lying alone, in the quiet. James had
managed to sneak him some dinner from the kitchens, which he�d eaten, his first
proper meal in two nights. And then blissfully, James had withdrawn with a
fleeting look, to his own bed. Remus had had his wand confiscated by
McGonagall, who although she could prove nothing, clearly still didn�t believe
him. He�d had a lecture about how he needed to talk to someone if he truly felt
as bad as that, and that she hoped he wouldn�t be silly enough to try anything
stupid as he had many people who cared about him, before placing a sensory
alarm on him which would alert everyone in a twenty metre radius if he was
losing blood or his pulse.

And
thinking back on it, Remus sighed again and thought the same as he had in her
office �none of them mattered if Sirius didn�t care. He knew he was stupid to
still love Sirius after he�d lobbed a glass jug at him and caused him an
afternoon of strife. But then Remus felt guilty, because there were two sides
to the argument, and he�d goaded Sirius as much as he had been goaded in
return. On voicing that to James, he�d been told he was mad. He�s probably right.

Remus� ears
pricked up at the sound of the dormitory door opening and closing quietly, and
then he heard voices.

�Where the hell have you been?� James hissed with such venom Remus knew it had
to be Sirius. Again he felt a pang of guilt at driving a wedge between them.

�I was in
the Shack,� Sirius replied. �What happened when I left?�

�Your
little trick with the jug really cut Remus up good.�

�He was
upset?�

�He was
literally cut up by it, you twat. A massive great shard lodged in his wrist,
completely sliced through the main artery. You�re lucky we were here when you
stormed out.�

�What?�
Remus recognised the hissy horror in Sirius� voice and felt nothing �no anger,
no satisfaction. Just numbness.

�He didn�t
think it was that serious, you know him. He�s seen enough blood coming out of
his body to be desensitised to it. It was really
serious, though, and all the teachers think he tried to do himself in. They
were grilling me about it, and Peter.�

�Do they
know it was me?� Sirius asked quietly.

�No. Remus
made us spin some tale about him dropping the jug by himself.�

�Oh
Merlin,� Remus heard a bed creak and assumed Sirius must have sunk down onto
either his own or James�.

�You have
some serious explaining to do,� James told him. �And you�d better start right
now.�

Remus lay
listening to them, as Sirius explained what had happened in the club. He had
expected him to twist it, to say that Remus had forced himself on him� but
Sirius was simply telling James everything that happened, exactly as Remus
remembered it, right to the final squeeze of his arse as they stumbled up the
stairs to the dorm, and what Sirius said to him the next morning, and then
during his attack on Severus.

�So what�s
going to happen now?� James asked matter-of-factly.

�I have no
idea,� Sirius sounded broken.

Remus hated
that his heart throbbed with upset about that. You are one dense idiot, Remus John Lupin.

A wave of
tiredness washed over him and he yawned quietly. He knew that his little early
trip to the hospital wing that month was going to cost him come the next full
moon. It was always worse if he was ill. His mind drifted briefly, wondering
how Severus was, if his nose was okay, and if he was enjoying his birthday. Shit. I hope the rest of the school doesn�t
know about this.

�Does anyone
else know?� Sirius asked, as if he knew what Remus would be thinking.

�Of course
everyone�s talking,� James muttered irritably. �We had to get him through the
common room and he was dripping blood everywhere. From what Peter could gather
earlier, everyone�s wondering if it was a suicide attempt.�

�Just
fucking fabulous,� Sirius said hoarsely, and Remus� heart tugged again as he
heard a very definite sniff.

�I�m not
going to offer you any sympathy at all,� he heard James say harshly. �You acted
like a twat and it�s entirely your fault. I�m good enough a friend not to sugar
coat it for you.�

Remus heard
Sirius get up, and James pulling the hangings round his bed, and another sniff
from Sirius. And then there were soft footsteps, and Remus was just able to
close his eyes in time before his bed curtains were nudged apart slightly. He
suddenly felt Sirius� hand on his bandaged wrist (which he had pointed out was
futile seeing as the wound was sealed but was told the it needed to be
protected and healed with the solution in the bandages). He kept as naturally
still as he could and tried to breathe steadily, but it was hard when Sirius�
hands were on him. Thank god the bandage
is covering up my pulse. He can�t feel my heart hammering away.

�I am so
sorry,� Sirius whispered, and Remus couldn�t help the small jerk his head gave
as he felt lips pressed to his brow and fingers caressing his cheek, though he
managed to keep his eyes shut. �I�m sorry, Remus.�

And then
Sirius was gone, the curtains were back in place and Remus heard a bitter
little sob as Sirius got into his own bed and shut himself away for the night,
leaving Remus grasping for the meaning between the lines trying to decipher
what Sirius� actions really meant.
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