Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Tepid	By : KohakuShadow Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2638 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I'd obviously have done it the way I wanted it the first time. That's what makes it FANfiction. And as it is a fanfic--written by the fans, for the fans--it is also obvious that it's not helping me pay any bills.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
V.
If Only

Viktor
could smell something heavenly wafting upstairs from the kitchen
Saturday morning. It woke him from a deep sleep and pulled him
groggily downstairs. The second he made it to the kitchen doorway he
very nearly turned around and went back upstairs. Why in the hell
was Bill topless? He'd never gone topless before, and it was the
middle of December. Even Viktor, used to cold weather, was wearing
sweats around the house. There would be no tourist attractions
today. There hadn't been all week. The snow was light here, but it
still made running around England to look at old buildings a
miserable experience. Besides, he hadn't yet shaken the feeling that
his own problem was so similar to Bill's that he would figure it out
by prolonged exposure. Unfortunately, that prolonged exposure had
made Viktor realize what he was missing from life appeared to be, of
all things, a male companion. He instinctively fussed and worried
over Bill. Merlin knew the man didn't worry enough over himself.

"You
are trying to catch a cold for some reason in particular?"
Viktor asked. His gaze shifted from Bill's long hair, trailing
loosely down his back and still damp from a recent shower, to his
bare toes. He was wearing a pair of green flannel pajama pants that
rested a little lower on the hips than they should and pooled a bit
around his feet, but other than that it was nothing but bare, pale
skin.

"Hm?"
Bill asked vaguely, flipping the last of the bacon onto a plate. He
willed himself not to become excited by Viktor's presence. If he
did, it would be all too obvious. Was he cold? Well, yeah! He was
half-naked, but that wasn't the point. He figured the first step was
to see if Viktor reacted at all to looking at him. He wasn't going
to get anywhere seducing the man if Viktor wasn't at all attracted to
him, after all. He'd started cooking a big breakfast only because
the heat of the stove made the room considerably warmer.

Viktor
couldn't figure out how to continue the conversation right away and
so sputtered a bit, "It is December."

Bill
smirked. "It's warm enough inside, Vik. How do you like your
eggs?"

"Vhat?"

"Eggs.
Sunny-side up?"

"...that
is fine."

"Right
then." Bill set back to cooking. "Ah, damn," he said
after a minute. "I need another plate. Do you mind? My hands
are full."

Viktor
had been about to sit down, but stopped halfway and changed course.
The plates were in a cabinet overhead just to the right of the
Weasley. He'd almost bumped elbows with him putting another down on
the counter next to the bacon. Bill flipped an egg over onto it.
"Thanks," he said, locking him with those blue eyes.

Viktor
felt his breath catch in his throat and just shrugged, retreating
back to the table as Bill started cracked another egg. Why was his
pulse racing? His fingers twitched, he felt the strangest urge to
run them through the older man's long hair. He snapped out of his
thoughts when Bill leaned over him and set a plate in down with that
irritating little smirk. It was the smirk Bill wore that made you
think he knew something you didn't.

"Feeling
alright, Vik?" he asked from behind the Bulgarian. "You
look a little flushed." He put his hand on Viktor's forehead,
causing his head to tilt back against Bill's bare abdomen. Flames
seemed to lick through his body. He pulled the hand away a bit
roughly. "Put a shirt on before you get sick," he
complained, not answering the question.

Bill
was careful when he sat down across from Viktor. Actual physical
contact. He was feeling a little excited by it, but somehow managed
to keep Viktor from noticing. "There's no reason to get so
uncomfortable," he said. "We're both guys."

Viktor's
eyes widened in surprise, as if that fact had somehow slipped his
attention until now. 'He's so friggin' cute,' Bill thought.
He wondered if he should push further, and decided he could push a
little and brush it off as a joke. "...or are all those
girlfriends of yours just a sleight of hand to conceal other
interests?" His lips curled playfully at the suggestion, but
Viktor seemed to take offense. He dropped his fork abruptly and
stood, storming back upstairs.

'Shite.
That was too far,' Bill thought and, food forgotten ran upstairs
after him only to have the guest room door slammed shut just before
he arrived. "Viktor. It was just a joke," he tried in his
most placating voice.

"Go
avay," Viktor snapped from where he leaned against the other
side of the door.

"Viktor.
Come on, just forget it. I didn't mean anything by it," Bill
tried.

"I
do not vant to talk to you now," Viktor snapped. "I do not
know vhat you are playing at, but it is not funny. Leave me
be!"

Bill
sighed. "Alright," he sulked a bit. "Sorry."
He padded back downstairs and poked at his cold eggs but couldn't
seem to find the appetite to eat them.

Upstairs,
Viktor slumped down the door and let out a shaky breath, glaring down
at his crotch accusingly.

He
pressed his palm against it and swallowed a moan. He shuddered. He
couldn't quite shake the feeling that Bill had done that to him on
purpose, and he was angry about it. That didn't change the fact that
he was also intensely aroused. He slid the heated flesh out of his
pants and gently brushed his calloused thumb against it, letting out
a shaky breath. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and could
practically feel Bill's hot breath against his ear, his long
hair—loose and whispering across his arms. In his fantasy,
they are both quite naked—he doesn't have to look to know—his
fantasies have always been more tactile than visual, touching and
being touched.

Viktor
grit his teeth and began to stroke himself, but he imagined the
member in his hand was not his own. He imagined Bill's fingers
around his shaft, jerking him roughly. Bill's lips on his ear, his
throat. He moaned softly, panted, and stroked himself harder. He
slid a hand up under his shirt, pinching the pert nipple he found
there—and in his fantasy, it was Bill's hand that had found it,
followed by Bill's hot mouth. The mouth wandered down his body.
Further. Further. His mind spiraled by the time it reached his
navel, as he imagined Bill's tongue darting over his engorged cock he
started bucking recklessly upward into his hand.

But
the fantasy didn't stop there. Bill's mouth continued to move down
over his inner thighs, and then up between his spread legs to the
pucker hidden in the cleft of his ass. His conscious brain was
surprised by where his mind wandered, but the fantasy was more
important, and he bucked wantonly into his own hand as he imagined
curling his fingers into that long red hair as the older man's tongue
swirled about his anus—teasing, tantalizing, and eventually
penetrating. He cried out hoarsely as he came. His breath was
ragged and his mind fogged. It took him almost a full five minutes
to recover his senses enough to clean himself and tuck his spent
member back into his pants.

That
particular fantasy, he knew, was one he would not soon forget. It
had led to possibly the most intense orgasm of his life. He didn't
allow himself to think about how much more intense it would have been
if it wasn't self-induced.

It
had been the most intense orgasm of his life--he was sure of that. He
let that thought swirl about a while, but in the end he figured that
he really had no choice but to accept that Bill's joke rang a bit too
close to the truth. It seemed like his entire life, all the bungled
relationships with women who he couldn't seem to bring himself to
truly care about, suddenly made a lot more sense. He was gay. That's
why. He couldn't form a real relationship with a woman because what
he really wanted was a man. A man like Bill. 'No! It must not be
Bill. Fleur would never forgive me!' But Merlin, the more he
thought of it, the more he realized he desired Bill and probably had
for quite a while. Maybe that was why he didn't fight more when Bill
invited him to stay at Shell Cottage, and maybe that's why he was in
no rush to leave. 'Tonight. I vill return home tonight. The
holidays will come soon. I should be home for them,' he thought.
'Once I am away from him, I won't have to think about this again.'

Around
dinner, Viktor came downstairs with his duffel neatly packed. Bill
had bundled up and was asleep on the living room chair. The Daily
Prophet had slipped out of his fingers and his mouth hung
slightly open. Viktor watched him as if it was painful to lay eyes
upon him. It was as if someone had torn down the dam that had kept
his emotions from drowning him. He couldn't blame anyone for feeling
this way but the sleeping red-head. He leaned over to pick up the
paper and place it on the coffee table. "Bill," he stated
tensely.

Bill
didn't stir right away.

"Bill,"
Viktor said louder.

"Mmn?"
Bill replied, but it was just a response to sound. He wasn't really
awake.

Viktor
leaned over him and shook his shoulder. "Bill, vake up."

Bill
stirred to find Viktor hovering over him, which was something that
would just never happen in reality so he figured he must be dreaming.
"Morning, Vik," he said sleepily, pulling his face down
the few inches required and kissed him as if they'd been lovers for
years.

Viktor
tensed, startled, and gasped softly. That was a mistake--the groggy
Weasley swept his tongue into the Bulgarian's mouth and Viktor was
instantly defeated. The kiss shot directly from his tongue down his
spine and made his very thighs quiver. This was going far too
quickly. He knew that, but could no more stop it than he could tell
the waves to stop crashing upon the shore outside. It was everything
he'd always heard kisses were but had never felt from them--hot, wet,
capable of blacking out everything but the tongue down your throat
and the hands curled tightly into the front of your shirt, and making
time completely irrelevant.

Eventually
though, he had to pull back before he suffocated. Bill blinked up at
him a few times before his blue eyes went wide and he realized he was
awake and had just snogged the hell out of his house guest. He
blushed. Viktor froze. Neither could think of anything to say.

"...so,"
Bill broke in eventually. "...still mad?"

"I...vasn't
mad, exactly," Viktor replied, eyes sliding away from Bill's
face.

Bill
couldn't help but stare at him. His lips still hummed from their
kiss. His heart thundered in his chest to the point
he could
barely hear Viktor's answer to his question. The very core of his
existence ached.
Somehow, he needed to put this feeling into words, he thought, so
that Viktor would understand. "Viktor..." he said. 'Just
tell him, Bill. Tell him that you think you've fallen in love with
him.'

"Tomorrow,
I leave for Bulgaria," Viktor said. He didn't know why he'd
said 'tomorrow'. He'd already packed his bags and had planned to
leave right away, but Bill sounded so vulnerable when he said his
name and suddenly he'd put his departure off a day.

Bill
felt like something in his chest shattered. He sat up more properly,
let go of the other man. "Right," he said, and even Viktor
could hear that disappointment in his voice. "Holidays are
coming up, huh? Haven't done a damn bit of shopping yet. I should get
on that."

"Yes.
It's the same for me," Viktor answered, and it somehow felt like
there was something much bigger being communicated between them. He
would see Bill after tonight--sporadically, at events, and they might
engage in a little bit of small talk, but it would be tense and
awkward. They would keep their distance from one another as if the
time they spent here together was convenient, but fundamentally
meaningless. So he bridged the gap and kissed Bill. He laced his
fingers through the older man's hair.

They
continued to kiss as Bill stood, pulled their bodies flush, and let
Viktor feel just how much he wanted him. "Let's take this
upstairs," Bill whispered as the kisses broke again.

Viktor
nodded his shy agreement and took Bill's hand. This was the only
chance they would have together. There was no need to sugar-coat it
with words of eternal devotion or romance. There was no need to say
anything at all. There were no illusions about where this would or
wouldn't lead. Viktor was leaving tomorrow. By next month, Ron and
Hermione would move into Shell Cottage and all traces that it had
once belonged to Bill and Fleur would be gradually covered over until
not a hint remained. Bill would be back in Egypt by then, rummaging
around in the tombs of dead pharaohs because the only thing that had
ever really made him feel alive was risking his life. From time to
time, Viktor would think of him and worry, but they wouldn't
communicate at all. There would be no more women for Viktor, he knew
that, but perhaps in a few years he would meet a nice man who he
would come to love only slightly less than Bill. That, he figured,
was the best he could hope for. But before tomorrow came, they still
had tonight, and Viktor had decided to make the best of it.

It
was one thing they seemed to be in complete agreement upon. Bill
felt his arousal burn as if aflame as he pushed open his bedroom
door. There on the bed, he'd wanked to fantasies of sucking Viktor
off. He'd never done anything like that before, but he'd been sucked
off and knew what felt good. He would just have to learn his way
through this by touch, listen to the sound of Viktor's voice and hope
he didn't make too many big mistakes. He drove their bodies together
again, pulling Viktor's face to his and kissing the man deeply. He
must be doing something right, because Viktor's fingers dug into his
shoulders and he felt the Bulgarian's knees buckle.

He
pulled Viktor's shirt off unceremoniously and tossed it to some far
corner of the room where they might not find it later. His own
followed quickly. He didn't want to waste time stripping like it was
something romantic. They weren't girls and he figured were therefore
not bound by such illusions. It seemed that exploring the angles and
planes of a man's body beneath his fingers, teeth, and tongue would
be a much better use of his time. He grazed his teeth over Viktor's
throat as he tried to work the man out of his pants. It was a clumsy
effort—they ended up falling to the bed with Viktor's pants and
boxer shorts still tangled about his knees. Bill laughed softly and
kissed Viktor's stomach as he freed the younger man of the rest of
his garments. He found himself staring at Viktor's endowments and
felt his arousal spike dangerously as he tossed his own pants to
another unknown corner that he wouldn't care about until much later.
Were all men this sexy and he'd just never noticed, or was it just
this one, with his broody brow and his intensely dark eyes?
Whichever was true, for the moment, nothing mattered but Viktor Krum.

Bill
pressed their bare bodies together and moaned as their erections
bumped. Viktor winced a bit, and instinctively rocked his hips up
against the older man. It was so hard to believe that this was
happening, that he was letting it happen. His better judgment told
him what a horrible idea this was, but the rest of him told his
judgment to can it. He'd had plenty of one-night stands. This was
just another--one that promised to trump the rest by far. If he was
leaving all thoughts of Bill Weasley behind after tonight—as he
intended to do—then this was his only chance to find out if
reality lived up to the fantasy. So far, the fantasy was a pale
impersonation. He was sure that Bill had left a few marks on his
stomach, and he gasped as the older man seemed intent to leave a few
more on his thighs.

'I'm
going for it,'
Bill thought, and shifted his weight a bit, wrapping his hand around
the base of Viktor's shaft and licking the tip. His weight on the
Quidditch player's thighs held Viktor from thrashing too much, But
Bill could feel the way his body had instinctively bucked against the
constraining weight over him. Bill swirled his tongue around the
sensitive flesh, and Viktor let out a quivering, raspy breath he
hadn't realized he was holding. And then Bill started to slide his
mouth carefully down the flesh. He felt it pulsing against his
tongue. “Mmn...” That was definitely sexy. Viktor cried
out as the soft moan reverberated through his length and shot tiny
sparks of pleasure through his overly exited body. Such a small
thing shouldn't rile him up so. He'd been sucked off tons of times,
but those times hadn't meant anything and this time...

This
time he felt as if Bill was sucking his soul out of the tense member
between his legs. He spread his thighs subconsciously, as if his
fantasy was taking over and his brain didn't stand a chance.

Bill
felt him move and pulled back. Yep. He was gay—no doubt about
it. He felt like he could nearly come just from watching Viktor lay
there panting with all his intimate regions on display. He'd never
seen anything so ridiculously sexy in his life. He swallowed a lump
in his throat and pressed a hand to Viktor's hip. “Vik, roll
over,” he said and found his voice much more wanton then he'd
expected. If he was honest with himself he'd always preferred anal
sex. He'd never much thought about it as being gay. It was just a
much cuter hole was all; something about a woman's vagina had always
vaguely reminded him of an open wound. It's not as if he hated
them—but he tried not to think about them too much. Now, as he
pulled the cheeks of Viktor's ass apart and swirled his tongue around
the other man's anus he realized the signs had been there all along
and he'd just been too disinterested to notice them.

He
was interested now though—very interested. Viktor moaned and
curled his fingers into the comforter. Bill wiggled his tongue
inside and moaned at the tight heat that engulfed it, his pulse
racing at how amazing that was going to feel around his cock. Viktor
sobbed, but there wasn't a doubt in Bill's mind that it was a sob of
pleasure. He couldn't hold back as long as he'd like; he knew he was
far to excited, so he murmured a soft spell against Viktor's buttocks
that startled the Bulgarian. Suddenly the muscles of his ass seemed
completely beyond his control. They relaxed and loosened. He knew,
or had at least heard, that this was the common practice—there
were muggle ways of preparing one for intercourse, but they were
awkward, time-consuming, and often uncomfortable—but knowing
the spell didn't prepare him for what it would feel like for all of
his muscles to suddenly relax like that.

Bill
gently rolled him onto his back and chuckled at the expression he saw
on Viktor's face. “You look confused,” he said.

“I,
no...” Viktor sputtered. “But, my...well, it feels a bit
strange, is all.”

Bill
pressed his lips to Viktor's throat. “It'll feel quite good
soon enough,” he murmured, leaving another mark behind on
Viktor's flesh. Viktor was starting to feel like tomorrow, he would
be able to connect the dots and trace the path Bill had traversed
over his body. But for now, he took a steadying breath and spread
his thighs—inviting Bill to prove it.

Bill
didn't need to be told twice. He lifted Viktor's hips, positioned
himself, and slid inside. His head tilted back and he moaned deeply.
So hot. So tight. He barely controlled himself as Viktor wriggled
his hips, getting used to the feeling.

It
amazed Viktor that he had so little control over his arse, and yet he
didn't feel numb at all. He could feel every inch of Bill's member
inside of him—every centimeter. It felt a little peculiar at
first, but definitely wasn't a bad
sort of peculiar. And the way Bill was looking at him—hair
tousled and blue eyes darkened with desire—it wasn't long
before he was feeling desperate for more too.

Bill
began to thrust. They were short, eager thrusts at first, but before
long he found Viktor's prostate. Viktor arched against him and
gasped. Bill ground his hips forward into the same spot, and
Viktor's entire body quivered. They rocked against one another
manically after that. Bill couldn't tell where his moans ended and
Viktor's began. The lines between them blurred into hot ripples of
pure pleasure. The orgasm sneaked up on them; one moment they were
riding pleasure together, blinded by lust and need, the next, both
bodies tensed, both men cried out in bliss, and Viktor's seed spilled
out between them as Bill's filled the Bulgarian's arse. Viktor's
nails dug into Bill's back as they rode out the last spurts of their
pleasure, and then collapsed, spent, against the mattress.

Bill
could feel a few scratches on his back that Viktor hadn't intended to
leave, and couldn't seem to mind them--they would be there for days,
evidence that this night had actually happened. He panted for a
while. Was he gay? If he hadn't been sure before, he was sure now.
Sex with women didn't even come close to the rough love he'd just
made to Viktor. And the orgasm...oh, Merlin, the orgasm! He'd always
thought sex was nice, but he'd never felt anything that came even
close to that before.

When
he finally got the air back into his lungs, he couldn't help himself
from asking, "Your pilgrimage, did you find what you were
looking for?"

"Yes,"
Viktor answered honestly. He'd found Bill. He'd found this night
together. He'd found the thing that he'd needed to fill the hollowed
out pit deep inside of his heart that had been slowly polluting the
rest of it.

"What
was it?" Bill asked. He didn't think he'd get an answer.

"A
memory," Viktor answered after a stretch of silence. "A
precious memory."

Bill
rolled onto his side and gently caressed Viktor's cheek. "A
memory can't keep you warm at night, Vik," he said. He knew
even as he said it that Viktor's answer would be no. It had to be,
because of Fleur.

"It
vill keep me varm here," Viktor answered, sliding Bill's hand
down over his chest. Bill left it there for a while, feeling
Viktor's heart beating under his fingertips. If only he could
somehow hold onto it, but it was already long out of his grasp.
"That is enough."

"Is
it?" Bill didn't think it came even close to being enough. One
night together? Yeah, right. A thousand nights wouldn't be enough, if
he knew that in the end Viktor would still have to leave.

"It
vill have to be," Viktor answered. "You know that."

Bill
sighed and pulled the covers over them. He draped his arm over
Viktor's stomach because he couldn't bear not to be touching him in
some way until this precious night together ended. He didn't want to
sleep because he knew in a matter of hours, Viktor would be gone and
he wanted to remember every second of their time together, but he
already felt the heavy curtain of his eyelids drooping and managed to
keep them open only reluctantly. "I know," Bill answered
at last. "And I understand why. You're earnestness is one of
your best qualities." He never told Viktor 'I love you', but
there was really no need. When he woke in the morning, Viktor was
already gone. There was a note on the empty pillow beside him. 'I
am sorry to leave without waking you,' it said 'but I was
afraid if you smiled at me again, I might lose my resolve. Thank you
for everything. Yours, Viktor.'

'Yours,'
Bill thought. 'If only.'

He
sighed and reached for his journal again. Writing it out, he thought,
might siphon off some of the pain.

(The
journal of William Arthur Weasley, undated entry.)

So
it turns out I'm gay. Probably always was. Also turns out I'm madly
in love with a man I can't have. And why can't I have him? Because
he doesn't love me? No, that's not it. He's crazy about me, too.
No, I can't have him because I was an arse and married a good friend
of his even though I wasn't in love with her. I can't have him
because of Fleur, because he doesn't want to hurt her any more than I
already have. And now I'm full of all this, just...raw pain. I've
wanted to fall in love my whole life. I thought if I found what was
missing, I'd feel whole, that I'd feel more alive. Well, if this is
what 'alive' feels like, you can have it. It's for the birds. He
said a memory was enough to keep him warm. It had to be a lie. A
memory of him isn't nearly enough to satisfy me. I have to have him,
even if it means causing Fleur more pain. I need him. But what if he
doesn't need me back?
- 4
- 5
- 6
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