That which we make for ourselves | By : magentasouth Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Tom Views: 38078 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
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Tom walked out of ancient history with a spring in his step,
looking forward to seeing how Caed had
progressed. He had left him with
instructions to look through the textbooks for sixth and seventh year
transfiguration, potions, D.A.D and arithmancy and mark where his current
knowledge ended.
But more than that.. he was..ridiculously enough,
he realised.. looking forward to returning to his room
and finding Caed there.
He slipped through two passageways to reach the first floor
faster and let himself into his room.
Caed was gone!
A stab of disappointment irritated him.
It was good that he was foolish enough to leave. Tom wouldn’t have to bother with him for the
rest of the evening.
Perhaps he would check on him at some point on the weekend but if the little
cretin wasn’t interested in helping himself, what use would tracking him down
and forcing him to study be?!
He walked..perhaps a bit more
slowly than he had two minutes earlier.. to his desk and deposited his books on
the side then took up a book on spell construction he’d been reading over the
last couple of days and went to his wingback to read till it was time to
patrol.
His heart clenched slightly when he walked around the sofa
and saw Caed sprawled there, his arm thrown over the
side and the arithmancy book splayed open on its spine on the floor beneath the
hand.
The blonde head was thrown back and toward the fire and the one knee was bent,
his foot curled under the other leg. His
uniform was crinkled and disordered and the tug Tom experienced toward him was powerful
and irrational.
He walked silently closer and seated himself on the coffee
table looking down at the boy who for some reason affected him viscerally every
time he saw him.
Licking his lips slightly, he struggled against the desire to run his
fingertips down the pale column of the sleeping boy’s neck. It was hard to think of reasons why he
shouldn’t do it.
He could just cast a somnis hex and explore to his
heart’s content.
Letting his head slip forward he berated himself
internally. Self
control. What had happened to
it?! He was acting like a dog after a
bitch in heat.
To distract himself he picked up the arithmancy book on the floor and flicked
through it.
There were no pages marked.
He couldn’t tell how far Caed had gotten
before falling asleep.
Looking up at the peaceful innocent face again he had to fight against the need to just touch his cheek.
He wanted to get down on his knees and gently kiss him awake but he knew that
the reaction would not be the one he most wanted and so he forced himself to
stand up and walk away. He’d take a
shower instead. Perhaps when he came out,
Caed would be awake.
Hopefully he would still be here.
He closed himself into the bathroom and ran the shower. Stepping in he sighed as the spray soothed
the tension in his neck he had barely been aware had settled there.
Slowly and languidly he stroked his cock, thinking about the things he really
wished he could be doing with the scruffy little beauty asleep on his sofa, and
after a bare minute came with a hissed expletive of pleasure.
Relieved and much calmer than before he washed his hair and body and got out,
wrapping a towel around his waist and walking back into his room to grab some
clothes from the wardrobe.
The gasp made him look over at Caed,
who was sitting up stiffly aghast at the sight of Tom half naked.
He’d obviously only just woken cause
he was still blinking sleep from his eyes.
“Oh. Sorry. I thought you were still sleeping. Excuse me while I dress, Caed.”
Tom walked into the bathroom and closed the door, leaning against it for a
moment feeling an ache inside.
The boy had looked appalled.
On some level he’d actually imagined Caed waking up
and seeing him in a towel and showing some sign that he found him
attractive. He’d
..hoped..
- he hadn’t really thought the boy would even wake up ...but the way he’d looked at him, as if he were something
horrifying..as if he wanted to wash his eyes.. It was
discouraging.
He dressed slowly, fully expecting that Caed
would have vanished when he returned, but instead he found him ostensibly reading
with an expression of utmost focus, as if there couldn’t possibly be anything
more fascinating in the world than the book on arithmancy that he was currently
staring at without moving his eyes.
Tom walked over nonchalantly and sat on the very end of the
sofa again. “Where did you get up to
then?” he asked, deciding to ignore the little incident that had just
occurred.
“huh?” Caed said and looked
up distractedly. He seemed troubled.
“The book.. arithmancy. Where are you up to in the sixth year
text?”
Caed held out the book wordlessly
for him to take. He had it open at a
page about one quarter of the way through.
Inwardly tom groaned. He would have to
teach him what amounted to a whole year’s work in charms, arithmancy and, he
thought pessimistically – probably also his other subjects too, and he would
have to do it in a space of a few weeks.
What was more.. arithmancy operated
quite differently to charms and defense. Differently even to potions. It would be difficult for him to teach Caed this subject by demonstration.
“Ok..” he said slowly, thinking
about how to go about the task.
The other boy hung his head.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. Tom glanced up, frowning. “You don’t need to apologise Caed. We will manage
this. I will help you. If you are
prepared to listen and pay attention, then you will be up to the others in a
few weeks.” Caed
ducked his shoulders even more.
Tom couldn’t prevent himself from leaning forward and putting his hand on the
other boy’s shoulder, ignoring the flinch and rubbing slightly. “Hey.. its ok.” he said softly, aware
only of the warm muscle beneath his hand.
Did the boy play some kind of sport in his time? He reluctantly withdrew his hand.
“Don’t worry, Caed. You’ll be fine. By the time I’m finished with you, you’ll be
calculating rings around the others.
Now come a bit closer so you can see the book too. We’ll work through the next problem
together.”
He placed the textbook on the coffee table and summoned parchment and writing
set from the desk.
Caed moved very gingerly closer.
Sighing, Tom examined the problem, seeing the answer
straight away. “Ok..
the next three questions are in principle the same
problem. I’ll show you the first, we’ll
work on the second together and for the third I’ll take away the examples to
see if you’ve comprehended the idea.
Pay attention!
The lunar value comes first because the arrangement – see the format? Three columns and four sections.. its Mace Locaster
rules. Do you know the term?” he was relieved that
Caed said he did remember the name.
“Ok..so in Mace problems – the
lunar value is converted to a vector first.
It leads the astronomical section.
The key to remembering the order of calculations in mace problems is
Lusty Sons Just May Sate Naughty Urges Very Many Places – in other words –
Lunar, Solar, Jupiter, Mars, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus, Venus, Mercury, Pluto.”
He listened to Caed repeat the
mnemonic to himself, half smiling.
“In the second section – you have position variables. These
are ordered according to..”
Harry sat back against the sofa and stared into the
fire. He’d just finished the last
problem that Tom had left for him to do.
He thought he might have actually got it right!
It was...shocking...disturbing
even, how good Tom Riddle was at teaching.
He was patient and he knew how to explain things a different way if the first
explanation wasn’t understood. He was
easy to listen to too. He had a very
pleasant voice – completely unlike Lord Voldemort’s high reedy hiss.
And after he worked through a problem with Harry, asking him what next and why
all the time, Harry felt like he knew what he was doing. That horrible panicked feeling when he looked
at an arithmancy problem was gone – at least for these problems.
The next page was still terrifying –but he had a feeling that it wouldn’t be,
after Tom explained it.
Grudgingly he admitted to himself, yawning, that Tom really
was helping him – whatever he might want from him later, here and now he was
working hard to help him.
He yawned again a minute later, taking a cherry from the mostly empty platter
of fresh fruit.
Tom had put that
there for him too. It was really nice to
study and pick at small bite sized fruits in between sections.
He let himself slip down to lie on the couch again. He knew he shouldn’t. Tom would be back some time and then he would
walk him back down to the dorm to make sure he didn’t get a detention for being
out after curfew.
Apparently, in the past even Fridays had curfew.
By his time they’d made Friday curfew free like Saturday, at least for the
higher years.
But.. he could maybe rest
his eyes for a little bit. Tom would
wake him when he got back.
He’d hear the door probably even.
He yawned once more widely and curled up warm and comfortable and not feeling
quite as worried as he had been a few hours ago.
Tom walked in and didn’t see the blond head over the edge of
the couch. Quickly creeping forward he
was relieved to find Caed asleep again on his
sofa.
On the coffee table the parchment showed the last problem
he’d set him completed somewhat untidily.
He summoned it wordlessly and looked it over.
It was correct. He’d grasped the
principles and used them. Excellent.
At least the boy was capable of learning when the right method was
applied.
He just couldn’t sit down and work from a book apparently.
Maybe it was the Gryffindor influence – that he needed some
kind of social stimulus to process information.
Who knew?!
He returned the parchment to the table and leaned on the
sofa, looking down at the lovely creature.
He should wake him and take him back to his room.
But then..nobody in Caed’s
dorm would report him missing. He’d told
Roan in ancient history that Caed was with him and
that he’d bring him back personally later in the evening. When he didn’t do so, they’d probably just
assume he was fucking him.
What a pity he wasn’t, really.
Still.. to wake him or to
leave him here?.. Difficult
choice.
Sighing he realised what he had to do if he didn’t want to
have a huge melodrama in the morning.
He moved around the sofa and knelt beside Caed, shaking him gently.
“Caed...” he said softly.
“mmm? Sleeping, Ron. G’way.”
He shook him again. “Caed.. Do you want to sleep on my sofa tonight and
continue working in the morning?”
The boy nodded and then seemed to surface slightly. “what’s happening?
What are you asking?” He blinked muzzily, trying to focus.
Tom smiled.
“I asked if you want to sleep on the sofa tonight and we can work all day
tomorrow since its Saturday.”
The blinking boy seemed to deliberate for a long minute. Tom got up and walked away.
“Make up your mind.
If you want me to take you downstairs we need to go now. Otherwise I’ll give you a pillow and blanket
and then go to bed myself and in the morning we’ll have breakfast and get back
to work on charms and arithmancy and see how you are in potions.”
The thought of getting up immediately seemed to persuade the
messy haired blonde more than the other arguments and he mumbled “Yeah.. ok. I’ll crash here then” while toeing his shoes
off and curling up into a semi foetal position.
Tom sent one of the pillows from his bed floating over to
him and then transfigured a duvet from a handkerchief from his drawer.
Finally, undecided about whether it might scare Caed
off, he pulled out a pair of black pajamas from his
wardrobe and tossed them at the boy.
“In case you don’t want to get wrapped in your uniform. I’ll use the bathroom while you decide
whether you can be bothered moving.” He
slipped into the bathroom and changed into dark blue pajama
bottoms, divestoing his casual clothing to a folded
pile.
After he’d brushed his teeth he walked back out and, carefully not looking at
the boy on his sofa, climbed into bed.
He registered in his peripheral vision as Caed
crossed the room to the bathroom and, with much internal debate, forced himself
to lie down and not look in the direction of the bathroom door full of eager
anticipation.
When Caed came out he lay with his
face turned in the other direction. He
heard the boy cross back to the sofa and the leather creaked slightly as he lay
down and shifted around.
Thinking himself a sot, he sat up reluctantly, reached for
his wand and pointed at the sofa from his bed, transfiguring it into a wider,
soft flannel surface and lying down again.
He heard a soft muffled sound that might have been thank you and smiled,
extinguishing the lamp, unaccountably pleased.
As an afterthought, he cast a silent proximity ward around
the boy on the sofa. If he moved more
than a metre in any direction during the night, the ward would yowl in his
head, waking him.
Just because he wanted the boy here, didn’t mean that he would ever sleep
around anyone without the barest
modicum of protection. He lay awake for
a long time listening to the soft sounds of Caed
breathing.
He woke in the dark.
The fire had gone out and only the pale moonlight spilling over the desk
lit the room.
What was that?!
Remaining perfectly still he strained to listen for anything
that might suggest a threat.
There. The sound that
had woke him.
“No!” the whimper was so desperate and plaintive. “No! Don’t!”
Tom lifted his head slowly, casting the vision enhancing
spell he favoured.
Caed had kicked his blanket off and was curled up defensively, he seemed to be struggling fitfully.
Tom frowned at the whimpering figure. Was he remembering the memory that Tom had obliviated? It had
been known to happen occasionally.
Cautiously he slipped out of bed and padded over to the boy, kneeling beside
him and weighing up whether to wake him or not.
“NO!!!” Caed said louder now. “RUN!”
Run didn’t really seem right, Tom mused. Was the boy dreaming he was watching himself
from outside?
“NO! My knee..”
Tom’s eye darted automatically to the boy’s knee.
Caed started to cry, wrapping his
arms around himself and curling up tight.
“my knee..” he sobbed softly sounding
heartbroken.
Deciding that whatever the boy was dreaming about, it
probably had nothing to do with the memory of their kiss, Tom stood carefully
and returned to bed.
What was wrong with Caed’s knee then?! He didn’t seem to have any problems
walking. He hadn’t seen the boy’s knee – perhaps there was spell damage.. perhaps it was healed.
Perhaps it was nothing though. A strange meaningless dream and nothing more. He wanted to shake him awake and ask
him.
He wanted Caed
lying here beside him telling him about his dream. Scowling in the dark he punched his pillow
and turned over angrily trying to get back to sleep.
Harry stood under the shower feeling weird.
He’d been around the boy who would grow up and ruin his life
for the entire day.
The Whole Day!
Now it was seven in the evening and he was finally having
the shower he’d been meaning to have all day, then they were going to have
dinner and work on potions theory.
This was just wrong, he thought as he turned around under
the water. Tom was wrong. Everything was wrong.
He’d fallen asleep last night and Tom had given him a pillow and blanket and
let him crash here and nothing had
happened to him all night.
Then this morning he’d woken up and Tom was already up and dressed and ordered
pancakes with honey and cream for breakfast and had immediately – while eating breakfast - gotten back to
showing him charms.
Harry had found himself casting charms with one hand while eating pancakes with
the other.
The entire day, Tom hadn’t stopped. There’d been some kind of tiny bite sized
pastry things for lunch and while he picked, he had been going through Cutter Glee
long range calculations in arithmancy with Tom.
The bloody arse was so..patient...and nice..all the time. It was
just WRONG.
And yeah.. ok.. he was really painfully
clever. More so even
than Mione had been.
He loved..he had loved..Mione but she wasn’t really that good at explaining to
others the leaps her mind made.
She’d look at a problem and be at the end while everyone else was reasoning
through step by step and when asked how she got there she sometimes seemed on
the brink of saying ‘well... its just obvious..’
Tom wasn’t like that at all.
Harry didn’t have the feeling when he was explaining the
problems to him, that Tom thought he was dim witted.
Tom didn’t even use large words when small ones would do. He was just..really
easy to listen to.
Perhaps that was why he’d attracted all those blind
followers willing to do horrible things for him, Harry grumbled.
He reached for the shampoo and had just lathered himself up, his eyes squeezed shut when he heard a faint bell from
somewhere.
Tom was maybe doing something out there.
He washed his hair off and got out, drying and dressing in
the jeans and forest green polo shirt that Tom had offered to lend him.
That was annoying too, he scowled, slipping the jeans on. He had been wearing Voldemort’s bloody pajamas.
Fuck!.. He didn’t even want to know Voldemort had pajamas. It was just all so strange and wrong. He didn’t know what to think about
anything.
They were supposedly going to work on potions now and then Tom would take him
down to his dorm.
He rubbed at the mirror, clearing a circle from the steam
and peered at himself. His hair was damp
and stuck out in every direction.
Pulling and tweaking at it didn’t really fix much so he gave up,
preparing himself mentally to find out exactly how much he’d forgotten (or
never learned) in potions.
What he wasn’t prepared for was the
sight of Tom with a slender blonde girl on his lap kissing him
passionately.
The girl was straddling him, pressed so close that the best
credit card wouldn’t have passed between them.
Tom had his hands on her ass and seemed to be quite preoccupied with
exploring her throat with his tongue.
Hesitating, Harry considered going back into the bathroom or
letting himself out of the room quietly.
The second option seemed better and he crept surreptitiously toward the
door.
He was halfway there when Tom stopped him.
“Caed! Where are you going. We have more work to do!”
Harry turned uneasily to find Tom leaning away from the..he could see now – stunningly
beautiful blonde girl, who looked a bit ticked off.
Tom beckoned him back and gently ejected the girl from his lap, placing her
back on her feet.
“Elana Galloway, please meet Caed Piper, I’m certain you recall he joined Hogwarts
yesterday after that lovely
introduction from professor Dumbledore. Caed – Elana is my
girlfriend.”
There was a slightly uncomfortable silence, Harry thought. The pretty blonde was looking at him
meaningfully and it was clear that she wanted to be alone with Tom.
“Well.. I..
should get back downstairs..I..was going to learn gobstones from Alphard” he said
hesitantly.
Tom frowned at him.
“You’re not getting away that easily, Caed. We have to finish that project for
potions.” He turned to Elana apologetically.
“I’m sorry doll, we’ll do something another
time, ok? I’ve been so busy with school
duties and now this project too. I
really can’t let Caed run off without doing it or
we’ll both be in trouble next week. I’m
sure you understand.”
Harry struggled to blank his face.
The blonde pouted prettily.
She had enormous sky blue eyes and full pink lips. Harry thought she looked a bit like a doll.
A perfect porcelain doll.. a
Barbie doll... She had a really nice
figure. Her legs seemed to go on
forever.
He tried not to look at her too much.
“You haven’t had any time all week” the girl was sighing in
a musical voice. “I know” Tom said
mournfully. “I’ve missed you though. I
think about you constantly. But you know I can’t ignore my responsibilities. I was under the impression that you liked that about me..” he pulled her close
and kissed her gently, teasingly.
Harry felt appalled watching them together. What the hell had happened between this Tom and the one who killed his
parents?! The answer was like a growl in
a dark room. ‘nothing – he’s lying to her. He’s already killed. This is all an act. He’s being nice to you just like he’s being
nice to her. You haven’t seen the real Tom Riddle show his face
yet.’
He was still thinking on this pensively when Elana with a slightly jealous expression, said goodnight
and that she was pleased to have met him.
Tom walked her to the door and kissed her long and lingeringly
again.
Harry turned away and pulled out his potions text book,
leaning back on the sofa and thinking about how unbelievably convincing a liar
tom Riddle was.
Tom wanted something from him.
But then.. he needed something from tom too, he supposed grudgingly. Maybe this was how Slytherin friendships all
went; some kind of mutual usefulness and suspicion about each other’s real
motives.
Tom sat down next to him and smiled a quick false smile,
looking away again and rubbing the bridge of his nose in apparent
embarrassment.
“Sorry about that. I didn’t know she was
coming over. I hope you weren’t
uncomfortable.”
Harry shook his head vaguely and mumbled. “no.. she seemed nice.”
Tom looked at him searchingly and answered . “She is.
Very nice. She’s a Gryffindor.”
Harry frowned slightly at the thought of how the entire school was completely sucked
in by Riddle and looked back at his book.
A moment later it was taken out of his hands gently and he looked up
questioningly at Tom, who seemed ..maybe.. a little nearer?
“Is something wrong, Caed?” the head
boy asked softly. He shook his head
firmly.
“No.. nothing.
I think i last worked on the draught of living
death.”
Tom closed the book and put it on the table.
“Are you sure?” he prompted and Harry nodded tensely,
reaching for the potions book again.
He flinched back when Tom caught his hand and held it lightly for a
moment. Tom’s hands were very warm and
smooth and larger than his own.
“No.. Dinner
first. We’ll work on potions afterward.” the future Dark Lord said
decidedly, releasing him as if he hadn’t just been holding his hand for five
seconds.
Harry withdrew his hand feeling weird and off centre again. Tom was really good at making him feel like
that. Like when he’d been staring at him
in that tavern.. or ..or when
he’d been up in his face after they just left Hogwarts.
He didn’t know what to do about it.
He sat uncomfortably while Tom, not even bothering to ask
him what he’d like (he’d only have shrugged and mumbled he didn’t know anyway)
summoned Gopper and ordered roast lamb with all the
trimmings.
It was a good choice. Harry couldn’t
think of anything he’d have rather ordered if he’d been asked.
When it came, he tucked in with relish, one eye always on
the innately elegant boy dining next to him.
At some point Tom informed him quietly “We will have to work
on your etiquette and carriage too, Caed..and at least discuss
the pureblood traditions.”
Harry didn’t respond immediately. Yeah.. he knew he had to think about all that stuff too probably –
but it just seemed like Tom was too
willing to help him all the time. It
made him suspicious. He hadn’t asked him
about any of the things he was probably burning to know more about.
Harry was sure he would sooner or later and now it was just hanging over him
ominously, waiting to happen.
But..maybe it would be better to get that over with.. at least to find out what Tom wanted to know. He thought about the question carefully and
then placed his knife and fork down on his plate.
“Tom... Slytherins aren’t really
known for being altruistic, right?” he asked cautiously.
He heard a slightly amused sniff beside him and the sapphire
eyed future monster responded with a smirk “You’re wondering what I want from
you, Caed.” It
wasn’t a question, he’d leapt two steps ahead to the
point.
Harry hesitated and then nodded.
Tom put down his own knife and fork and leaned back
slightly. “..I should be pleased that
you are thinking more like a
Slytherin. It is a reasonable question.. however I don’t have an exact
answer for you, at present. I am interested in you..for
a variety of reasons.”
“...I am wondering whether you might possibly fit in well
among my friends. We are a kind of
circle.. we ..study together,
I suppose.”
Harry privately considered the ramifications of ‘fitting in
well’ among the future death eaters. It
was an uncomfortable thought on many levels.
“I am.. of
course.. interested in your background and whatever
you might feel able to tell me about that time, however it was not, as you must
have realised, my main reason for choosing to help you. That was..something else.
I cannot name it exactly. It was perhaps
a feeling of connection. Something in
you spoke to me.”
Something in him! Harry suppressed the snort of black
amusement. Yes..
that would explain it maybe – Self interest was
probably instinctive in someone like Voldemort..like
Tom Riddle. Maybe the head boy truly
didn’t understand himself why he felt the impulse to help him...
“Perhaps at some later point you might decide to repay my
assistance, if I am ever in a difficult situation and you are in a position to
help.”
It was said lightly but Harry swallowed. He’d helped Voldemort..
sure.. he’d helped him into
his grave.
Over and over again.
He’d stabbed Tom Riddle’s memory with a basilisk fang.
He realised suddenly that that diary must already exist. It would be around here somewhere probably.
Glancing up at the bookshelves he couldn’t see a thin black diary among the
host of other black books.
“Caed?” he looked at Tom again,
feeling slightly guilty against his own will.
“Yeah?”
Tom looked at him strangely, his
eye seemed to wander over him.
“Nothing..” the boy so like the diary ghost said
softly. “Finish your dinner and we will
get to work on potions.”
Harry nodded uncertainly and picked up his knife and
fork. The rest of the meal they spent in
silence.
He wasn’t sure whether it was a good silence.
It felt like something hung unsaid in the air. Tom, however, seemed not to notice or care
when he banished the plates and turned to the potions textbook.
Sighing inwardly, Harry gave him all his attention again.
It really wasn’t that hard to listen to Tom Riddle. Not hard at all. Even..maybe a bit
enjoyable. Like..
like a documentary on tv
only interactive. He would probably have
made a good teacher if Dumbledore hadn’t stopped him.
He felt himself waver on distraction at that thought and
forced it away, focussing on what tom was saying about the use of gums and
resins in potions.
Author note.
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