Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

The darkness surrounds me	By : lilith395 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 1898 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters. I don't get any payment from this story

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
I’m having a bad day. I cannot stir myself from my spot in the window, and even her knocking on the door doesn’t lift my spirits. Last night had been filled with horrors, one nightmare after the other, every hour I woke in cold sweat, another pair of dead eyes engraved in my memory. Though I now regularly go to bed and try to sleep, I have to fight of the bad nights.

I hear the keys in the lock. I knew she has had one for a very long time, but I never gave it to her. After the first bad day, which were frequent in the beginning, she had stolen mine. I have so many old wards on my home that it had taken her the better part of the morning to dismantle them far enough for her to enter. When she asked me how I got in, I had pointed at a key. The next time it happened, she had had it. I should be angry she stole my keys, I am sure of it, but I don’t miss them.

I hear the door close behind her, and she calls out to me. I grip the windowsill until my knuckles turn white.

She sighs, and mutters something about steps forward and steps back. I don’t really register what exactly. She goes about her work like she always has, cleaning my kitchen, and getting me some food. I eat a little, drink a bit of water and continue to stare outside. I am locked inside my own head, and though I know she’s here, I don’t register her at all.

As I see the world outside darken, I am surprised to feel a hand on mine, trying to lead me away from my seat. She has never stayed after dark, she once told me that’s when Potter needs her. She must lead a horrible life. As I think it a wave of guilt washes over me. It’s my fault.

It’s enough to jerk me temporarily into her world, and I look her in the eyes. Why are you here? Why don’t you just live your life and leave me be? I am nothing to you, why do you bother? I want to ask her all those things, but I can’t bring myself to open my mouth.

I let her lead me to my bedroom and sit me down on the edge of my bed. She disappears for a moment, but I don’t have the energy to follow her movements. When she reappears in my line of sight, I see she’s holding a clean pair of nightclothes. Without a word, she starts to undress me, replacing my filthy clothes with clean ones. I let her.

Sleep claims me while I’m lying in her arms, my head on her chest, listening to her calm heartbeat. I have no dreams, no nightmares as I feel her breath on my head and her arms around my shoulders. I wake once, only to find her still next to me, still holding me, and sound asleep. I lay my arm to rest on her stomach and doze off again. This must be the best night I have had in a long time, if not ever.

Morning comes quickly, and for the first time I can remember, I am well-rested. It’s a speck of light in my inner darkness, but it’s there. The sun shines through the gap in the curtains, illuminating my face. I might not feel it’s warmth yet, but I do register it’s presence. Will she stay with me? The entire day? I would really like to go see the sun. I realize with a start I don’t even know whether it’s summer or winter. I try to remember when I saw the world outside my window change, but I find I can’t.

I hear her snore. How unbecoming. When I open my eyes I find her face only inches from mine, and my arm still lying gently across her stomach. I watch her face closely while I lie awake, not really wanting to move. Even my window seems less appealing today.

Then something happens. Her face contorts and her eyes move wildly behind her lids. Nightmares. I’d recognize them anywhere. I pull her close to me, wrapping my arms around her like a protective blanket. After weeks, maybe months, of not speaking, I find my voice. It’s amazing I still have it.

“Granger, wake up!” I say it softly, but commanding, or at least as commanding as my broken voice can sound. Doesn’t matter, it works.

Her eyes fly open, her breath ragged and her heart beating out of her chest. I know that face. It’s the same face I used to see in the mirror every morning before I threw it out. She is no better off than I am. And yet, and yet she cares for me, while I am most days unable to move myself from my window. Why?

She starts crying, her head against my chest, and this time, for the first time, I care for her. I am her shoulder, and I am the one who brings her food to her. I am the one who sits with her, while she moves herself through the mess in her head. In doing so, I realize why she cares for me and Potter. At the end of the day, I have reclaimed a small part of myself. It is miniscule, but I can feel it in my heart.

I hold her while she stares into the fire, though she never slips as far down as me. She reacts to everything I do, and I suspect she might be drawing it out a little to see how long I’ll keep working for her. She never misses a day, and I assume this wasn’t the first night with nightmares. So I know she can bring herself to get up and help me. But I don’t mind, she gives me a purpose today.

The shadows are threatening to take over my room, and I worry she will leave me again. I hope she doesn’t, but could I voice it? It takes me another hour to open my mouth.

“Will you stay?” I whisper.

Her large eyes meet mine, an expression of disbelieve on her face. Yes, I have spoken. I can you know. She must’ve convinced herself she had dreamed my comment from this morning.

“You want me to?” She asks. I only nod. There is no need for more words. She stares back into the fire.

“I have Harry, I can’t leave him. Ginny took my shift yesterday. What about him?”

The concern for her friend fills her eyes, but I can see she wants to stay. It radiates from her. I shrug, it’s her choice.

“I would have to check up on how last night went. May I?”

She waves a hand in the direction of my fire. I shrug again and release her from my hold. She kneels in front of the hearth and fire-calls the youngest Weasley. I can only hear her side of the conversation, and it’s confusing. I imagine Weasley is doing most of the talking.

She pulls her head out of the green flames, and looks at me with a small smile gracing her lips.

“She says it’s no problem, she’ll stay with Harry. Apparently, she has been having a lot more success getting through to him than I had.”

I try to read her face, it’s caught somewhere between happiness and regret. Holding out her hand, she moves towards me. I take it and she pulls me up off the couch into a tight embrace.

“Thank you” She whispers into my chest. I shrug again. What did I do? I am seriously puzzled. She releases me and sits back down on the couch, pulling me back down with her. With a weak smile on her face, she starts talking. Talking about anything and everything which has happened since my exile. Since the final battle. She talks us well into the night, neither of us tired. For the first time, I listen to everything she says.

She makes me tea in the morning. I had woken up on the couch in cold sweat, her concerned eyes boring into mine. I felt calm when I saw her staring back at me, but by the look on her face, I wasn’t the only one who had had nightmares in the few hours we had been asleep.

As she sits across from me, sipping her tea, she looks at me.

“Would you like to try the lab today?” She asks me.

I had been thinking the same thing. We need dreamless-sleep potions if she is going to stay over, and I could make some extra for her to take to Potter. Something pops into my head, and without giving myself the chance to think better of it, I voice my question.

“Do you have your own home?”

She looks surprised. I don’t think she thought me capable of putting two and two together anymore. But I notice, I just don’t care most of the time. She always sleeps at Potter’s, and the one night she has off, she sleeps next to me.

“No, why?”

I shrug. She knows why, don’t make me speak again. My throat burns around every word I form, and I really don’t feel like enduring it anymore.

“Fine, whatever. Labs or no labs?”

She waves a hand dismissively, I must’ve gotten on her nerves for the first time since my exile.

I nod. Yes, let’s try the labs today.

This night she does leave, taking a batch of dreamless sleep potions with her. She made me take one before she left, and left me slumbering on the couch. I refuse to go into my bedroom. I am dozing in the setting sun, while my bedroom has been emerged in shadows since noon.

When I wake, in the middle of the night, she has returned. I close my eyes again, and with a smile on my face, I fall asleep.

Weeks have gone by, and she has spent the night with me most of the nights. I wake up every morning, unable to rouse myself into action, but for entirely different reasons than before. I don’t want to get up because I don’t want to let her go. I am far from myself, though the darkness is retreating. I can hold a conversation without my throat hurting and both my imaginary injuries and my real ones have healed. Though I have a long way to go before I have some semblance of happiness back in my heart, she brings it forward. She shows me I still have it in me to be human. She gives me a purpose.

She opens her eyes to look at me, and smiles. That smile is what I live for. That smile is why I still drag my old arse out of bed every morning. Every day feels like the first, and every day I spend with her I do more things I haven’t been able to do since the day I died. Every day is a day of firsts.

She leans forward and presses her lips against mine. And this day is no different.

A/N That's it. I said it wasn't happy, and I can tell it's not really my best work. But I'd still appreciate to hear what you guys think. Thank you for reading.
- 4
- 5
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The darkness surrounds me