Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Sags Nicht	By : Pheobi Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 25726 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any characters or places affiliated with it. It belongs to JKR and various companies. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: So, I’m pretty sure of what’s going to happen in the chapter, but my plotbunnies have surprised me before, so…you never know! Now, I do know where the story is going, so I just have to basically get there. Hope you all like this. Happy reading! ~ FA
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Harry purred and nuzzled Draco’s pale chest, curling closer to his side. He knew their time was running short. Draco was getting closer to finishing his ‘project’ in the Room. Soon, there would be no more stolen moments like this. Soon, there would be fighting and war and standing firm on the sides they’d already chosen. Another few days, Draco had told him…he didn’t know for sure, but it wouldn’t be long. Another few days; that’s all he had left with the beautiful blonde boy beside him. How could he give this up? How could Draco? And yet…what choice was there, really? His heart ached.
He loved Draco. Harry sat up abruptly, his heart pounding in his chest, and stared at Draco in stunned silence. He loved him. He, Harry Potter, loved Draco Malfoy. He blinked his eyes slowly, not sure what to do. He couldn’t love Draco. He couldn’t. It was wrong on a million levels and there was no hope. There was no hope. He could never have Draco Malfoy. It wasn’t fair, but what could he do?
Harry sighed and a bottle of Firewhiskey appeared in his lap. “Apparently,” He said to Draco, who was watching him warily. “The room feels I need a drink. Care to join me?”
Draco shook his head. “No, you go ahead.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then asked softly. “Why does the room feel you need a drink, Harry?”
“Because, Draco, my beautiful lover,” Harry said as he took a deep drink, choking a little on it as it burned its way down his throat. “I have just realized that I am in love with you, which is an incredibly stupid and altogether ridiculous move on my part.” He took another deep drink, meeting Draco’s wide eyes over the bottle, then said. “I don’t expect you to reply. I don’t even think I want you to. Because nothing you could say will make it okay, or make it right. So why say anything?”
Draco sighed. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything, Harry. What would be the point?” Draco held out his hand for the bottle. “I think I’ve changed my mind about that drink.” Harry smirked as he passed the bottle.
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Harry wondered if he was drunk. He felt loose and fuzzy. Everything seemed sort of golden and lovely, despite the fact that he knew it wasn’t. He logically knew all of the things that were wrong with his relationship – if you could call it that – with Draco. He knew they could never be together for real. He knew they were on opposite sides of a war. He knew they were both going to end up hurt in the end, and it sucked. But right then, in that moment, he felt strangely euphoric. Maybe it was the alcohol…or the gorgeous, naked blonde he was curled up with…or the wonderful sex they’d been having. Suddenly, though, he felt the need to speak.
"Cheers!” He exclaimed loudly, practically in Draco’s ear, before continuing. “To long hours and sleepless nights and endless pain! Cheers to heartbreak and betrayal and lies that cut so deep I should be bleeding! Cheers to all the torment and anguish I feel every time you walk away, every time I wonder if you'll be coming back or if this is it. If this is the last time I'll see your face or hear your voice or touch your skin. One day it will be and cheers to that too...cheers to knowing its coming.”
Draco pulled away as he spoke and Harry saw the questioning look on his lover’s face…the pain and confusion in those lovely grey eyes. He hurried to explain.
"Why cheers, you ask?” His voice was soothing and calm and even. “Because all of that means I'm still alive and so are you. Cheers means the end hasn't come yet...not the end of my life, nor the end of yours, nor the end of us and this - whatever this is.” He saw Draco start to open his mouth and quickly cut him off with a cool look. “And don't try to answer that, please, because I don't want to know.”
He shook his head, looking thoughtful and somber for a moment. His voice was sad as he softly continued. “I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses and your pithy comments and the painful lies that spill forth from your beautiful lips like silver bells. I know the truth...that this is nothing.” The last word came out harsh and raw and painful-sounding.
Draco opened his mouth to protest again. It wasn’t nothing! Not to him, anyway. He froze, mouth open and tongue already wrapped around his words and excuses, when Harry shook his head again. Obviously Harry didn’t want him to speak just yet. Fine; he’d let Harry say his bit and then explain all the things Harry was wrong about.
Harry’s next words froze his heart in his chest, though, because he knew as he listened that the brunette was right. "It's nothing, because if it was something, one of us would give. One of us would say 'Enough!' and turn from the paths we walk - alone, since we walk such different ones - and take the other's hand and go with them down theirs.” A single tear rolled down Harry’s cheek and his voice trembled as he whispered. “One of us would choose US over THEM and that isn't happening. Not today, not tomorrow, not in a hundred years...should we live that long, which is doubtful.” Harry’s voice was bitter now; jaded and hurt. “It is us after all.”
"Someone important - Don't ask me who; I never could remember that sort of thing. - said that death is nothing to us, because 'While we are, it has not come and when it comes, we are not.' and I hold close to that thought. To the thought that when death comes for me - as it surely will soon enough - I will simple cease to be.” Harry’s voice got thoughtful now, like he was trying to work something out for himself even as he spoke. “And sometimes, though not often, I hate that idea because I won't have you. Not even in memories. When I am cold and lifeless, beyond this and where ever it is that I shall be, I want those memories.”
Draco felt sick at the idea of Harry dead. It wasn’t right. The wistfulness in the other boy’s voice tugged at Draco’s heart. “I want them more than anything. I want to hold them in my mind and heart...every touch, every word, every moment we've had - the good and the bad. Forever. Most times, though, I want nothing more than this...what we have now.” And Draco knew then that Harry was lying. He could tell that Harry very much wanted more…he just knew he couldn’t want it.
And somehow, Harry was still talking and Draco was still silent, though he didn’t know how he was keeping everything inside. "Every stolen moment, though it puts us both at risk. Every stolen kiss and touch and word...every lie...every betrayal...every single time one of us sneaks away, knowing it could be the time we're caught. The time we lose.” Harry locked gorgeous emerald eyes to miserable silver ones. “Not just each other, but our lives. And the worst part is, your life matters more.” A self-deprecating smile flitted across Harry’s lips while Draco silently prayed Harry would stop speaking. “I'd plead for it...die for you...give up and give in and give myself over if I thought it would spare you their wrath...their hatred...your death at their hands. Would it? Would you ask it of me? Tell me, now, before we waste another moment.”
Draco couldn’t have spoken for anything. Surely Harry wasn’t suggesting…no. No, Harry would never…would he?
Hurriedly, Harry’s voice continued, words pouring out in a rush. "I know I said no more lies...no more words. No pithy comments...no sweet promises broken even as they pass those lips I cherish so much. No silly remarks or half-truths or platitudes in the voice that makes me weak every time I hear it, be it whispered against my skin in darkness or raised in curses over the din of fighting and hatred and anger. And I meant it. I meant it all. I want only truth now.”
Ernest green eyes were pleading with him. For what? What was his Harry asking? "Solid truth. Truth and nothing more. Nothing more and nothing less.” Draco nodded even as Harry kept speaking; his words were tripping over themselves and blurring together as he spoke. “Would they spare your life if I turned? Would he forgive you for your betrayal in exchange for mine? Would he let you be; would he let you be mine, if I asked for it in exchange for me? For me kneeling in front of your Master instead of my own? If I swore allegiance to your side instead of mine? If I gave myself over to it, heart and mind and body and soul?” Harry’s eyes were still pleading…demanding an answer that Draco didn’t know if he could give. “They already belong to you...why not to your cause? Why not to your side? Why not to the master you serve? Then, if I did so, could we be together?”
Draco’s heart was breaking. They could be…he knew it. Voldemort would happily forgive anything to have Harry on his side. But he couldn’t ask that. He couldn’t. Maybe, though…maybe he could switch sides? Maybe Dumbledore could protect him, and he and Harry could be together anyway? He opened his mouth to suggest just that, when Harry’s next rush of words – practically slurred beyond understanding they were spoken so fast; so desperately – washed over him.
"And if we could...if that would be allowed...if that would make it so...will you ask me to do it? Will you ask of me the one thing I cannot bring myself to ask of you? I will not ask you to kneel before my master. I will not ask you to support my cause. I will NOT.” And in that moment, Draco realized that what Harry meant was he wouldn’t allow Draco to switch sides. He wouldn’t let Draco risk the Dark Lord’s wrath. “But I ask you now, without judgment of your answer, will you ask me? Can you ask me?
"If yes, then tell me now. Say it now. Say it the only way you can...the only way that I will know you mean it. Please...I'm begging you.” And Draco didn’t know how to respond to a begging Harry…how could he say no? In this case, how could he say yes? “If no, then tell me now. Say it before it's too late. Whatever your choice...whatever you will or will not demand of me, do so NOW, before it's too late. Is this nothing, really? Or is it more? Can it be more?"
Harry was waiting, holding his breath, for Draco’s response. Draco didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t be that selfish. He couldn’t. No one could be. Harry was their savior. He was the Light of the Wizarding World. He didn’t belong at Draco’s side; at the Dark Lord’s side. He didn’t belong in Draco’s arms. He belonged beside Albus Dumbledore; the man Draco was ordered to kill. He belonged in the arms of some loving witch – maybe the Weasley chit – where he could have a happily-ever-after some time in the future. He belonged anywhere but where he was now. Draco could not be selfish enough to bind Harry there…at his side, in his bed, in his arms…forever. He couldn’t.
Harry’s heart was in his throat and when the words left Draco’s mouth Harry felt the blood rising in his chest from his breaking heart, but he swallowed it down.
"Yes, I'll ask. Join me. Join us. Betray them all the way. Be with me. It would be allowed. Please. I love you." The blonde couldn’t believe he’d said it. He shouldn’t have said it. He should take it back…
And Harry’s heart was broken, because it's what he wanted to hear and he knew he’d do it and he knew it would hurt the other people he loved, but Draco meant more. Draco always had; in one way or another, Draco had always meant the most to Harry. Nothing was stronger than hatred turned to love, because to know someone - to really, truly know someone - you must have loved them and hated them in turn, and in equal measure.
"Then since you asked, yes. I will." Harry smiled through the tears and the pain, because this was what he wanted. A way to be with Draco. Forever.
Their hands clasped, one tanned and the other pale, and they stared into each other’s eyes - silver and emerald - and Harry knew they'd just changed the world. Draco knew it too and it terrified him in a way little else ever had. As Harry curled into him again, eyes drifting sleepily closed, Draco’s heart and mind raced. Just as Harry drifted off to sleep, Draco whispered the only words he thought might save his own soul.
“If you remember this tomorrow, Harry…” He whispered to the boy in his arms. “I swear I won’t hold you to that promise. I swear I’ll let you go.” Maybe he wasn’t such a Slytherin after all…
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A/N: So…yeah. That’s the prologue bit, but with all the extra details about what’s going on and who’s talking and what the boys are thinking. Is anyone mad? I really liked how I ended this chapter. It’s going to get bumpy soon, so brace yourselves! I’m quite excited about this story, so I hope you’re all enjoying it. Reviews are worshiped and make me happy; e-mail addresses get you update alerts. ~ FA
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