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When Nothing Leads To Something & Everything	By : McGonagall Category: Harry Potter > FemSlash - Female/Female Views: 8812 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series by any means, and I wish that I made any money of this. I don't.

Chapter List
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Hermione's eyelids quivered, and her eyes slid open. This wasn't her bedroom. A few moonbeams battling their way into the bedroom through the open curtains were the only illumination; night must have fallen already. She slowly moved to rise, when she soon found she was somehow unable to. The recollection of what had occurred after she had run up to the Common Room to get her finished essay for Charms came back to her. She had never made it to Charms, nor to dinner in the Great Hall or her Common Room again. Ginny was very likely worried sick by now. She quietly moved her hand, finding no fur underneath, but instead the familiar velvety robes of the human Minerva McGonagall. The weight upon her was far more than a cat's, too. Minerva was lying there so peacefully, being nothing but beautiful… She so desperately wanted to reach down for the lock of graying hair that had fallen across her forehead, wanting to push it aside carefully, and she only caught herself the very last inch, slowly retracting her hand. She sighed and uneasily shifted her legs, hoping not to disturb the Headmistress' much needed sleep as she felt how much needed a visit to the bathroom was.

The Headmistress began shifting on her own then, gasping as she allowed her eyes to open and realized that she wasn't alone there, and then how all her weight was upon Hermione. Her ability to see well at night was a treat of her Animagus shape that had gotten through to her human figure, which could be considered odd since she usually wore squared eyeglasses at daytime. She nearly saw better at night. Minerva's heart raced as she definitely recognized the bedroom as her own and the pupil sharing her bed as Hermione Grangers, one of her cubs… She rapidly rose up, moving to use her hand for support, when she was painfully reminded of the reason that had brought them there. "Shh easy…" Hermione whispered, as Minerva tightly winced and uneasily scrambled aside off of Hermione, pulling the sheet with her. A sigh of relief nearly escaped her upon seeing them both still fully clothed. Of course we are fully clothed, Minerva told herself immediately after that thought had crossed her mind. Why would either one not have been?

Minerva's uninjured hand flew up to her forehead as she slowly allowed herself to relax again into the bed, and her eyes momentarily fell shut as the recollection of what had occurred came back to her, too. Nothing had happened. That was one very big relief… only leaving them with a few other issues. "I'm sorry for what happened yesterday," Minerva said, barely audible. "I'll be having a word with Filius tomorrow about you missing his lesson," she reassured. "I'm sorry."

"How…?" Hermione began, lying down on her back as well and rolling her head to look at Minerva. She then bit her lip, somehow supposing that she wouldn't actually get a reply. The younger Head Girl thus was rather surprised when she got one either way. It wasn't very like Minerva McGonagall.

"Poppy vaguely noticed my back being less stiff today than usual. She was far too curious, and I didn't like that very much, so… I did what I sometimes do when getting upset: I turned into a cat, and…" She couldn't continue anymore. She had already allowed too much to slip. She had never even told anyone else about this, even though she sometimes thought Albus must have at least suspected something.

Hermione nodded. "How long had you been there on the window sill?"

Minerva sighed. "I cannot say for sure, but quite a while."

Hermione nodded. "I fear that you might have broken something, thus a visit to Madame Pomfrey is going to be hard to avoid in the end."

"I know, but please wait until daytime."

Then something happened that neither women ever would have anticipated: Minerva McGonagall entirely broke down in tears, unable to find the strength to gather herself for hours; unable even to find what actually might have triggered it. It somehow scared her somewhat, that she even appeared unable to hold her fortress any longer in the company of Hermione Granger. She rarely allowed herself to collapse just like that, even when she was alone.

No matter how hard she tried, and how ashamed she felt to do that, she couldn't keep her composure and began jerking with sobs. Hermione's eyes grew wide at the sight of the Headmistress like that, no idea what she would have to do right now. So she chose to follow what her intuition told her and guided Minerva's head onto her lap and her arms around the crying woman, wishing she wouldn't cry with soon enough. "Shh… Everything's going to be alright…" Hermione whispered, even though she internally wasn't so sure of that, while witnessing the powerful witch in her lap reduced to sobbing shreds.

Hermione carefully held the older witch close to her, stroking her hair by intuition more than anything else. Right then, if she hadn't really known until then, Minerva knew she must have fallen in love. She had actually fallen for multiple women in her life, but never had she been woman enough to tell any of them, afraid to be rejected by them and others… for being in love with one of the very same gender was unusual and maybe abnormal. Helga Hufflepuff had been a lesbian and had been one of the Founders of Hogwarts nonetheless, yet it didn't change the fact that Minerva's fear remained no matter what. Minerva had learned through the years that no one could ever be loved by everyone, yet this particular matter was something entirely else than teaching methods and being strict or making enemies through wars. She feverishly longed for the younger witch's loving and comforting touch right now, and even though she knew that it couldn't be right as this girl was a pupil of hers, she couldn't do anything but accept the comfort now. It had been years since she had last fallen into the embrace of another; she couldn't let go of her even if she would have wanted to.

The elder witch's heavy sobbing eventually faded, but Hermione only continued to rake her fingers through her hair. It felt so nice, and yet Minerva had to stop this one way or another. Her usually clipped tone and unyielding voice didn't even sound a bit like Professor McGonagall anymore as she spoke, but hoarse due to the crying and tired; barely audible, "What are you searching for?"

Hermione swallowed. The hand upon Minerva's hair stilled. She didn't have to ponder about what Minerva meant. She knew. This question would have come sooner if not later either way. She only would have hoped it to be later. She hadn't really figured what she herself was feeling yet. She hadn't actually been able to give it a name quite yet, but Minerva was waiting for a reply. She settled on being honest with the Headmistress.

"I…" Hermione began, "I haven't really figured that one myself yet, but I… I feel the irrational need and maybe responsibility to keep you safe, to be with you and to hold you, and… I initially thought maybe because of my mother and mine's not so well relationship, maybe I was looking for a substitute in a way. You have been more of a mom to me in these seven years than mine actually was in a whole lifetime… I love her and dad, but… I'm a witch, and no matter… how hard they try, this is something that they'll never really be able to get. You were the one that I would go to when bumping on difficulties. You were the one to give answers on matters they couldn't…"

"That's my job, Hermione," Minerva whispered, shifting uncomfortably as her lower back began to hurt in this position, yet unwilling or even unable to leave the warmth of Hermione's embrace.

It didn't go entirely unnoticed by Hermione, though. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Would you like to sit upright?" Minerva's fingers intuitively tightened their hold upon Hermione's robes, then loosened as she nodded. Hermione nodded, too. "Alright," she said, carefully helping the elder woman to sit in bed, while making sure not to harm her injured hand. She nodded at Minerva once she was done fluffing the pillows at her lower back, propped up against the headboard, and Minerva leaned back, allowing a sigh of relief. "That's better," Hermione noticed, happy enough to receive a nod confirmation. It wasn't that much, but at least something and still better than nothing. Hermione then cast her gaze down once again. "I feel the urge to hold you closer than a mother/daughter relationship or something like that would allow. I can't actually look at you without imagining myself kissing your mouth, and…" She fell into silence for a little while. "I'm… I'm in love with you. You're likely against my type of woman… I mean…"

"Hermione, no. I've been through three wars. I know better than to judge people on whom they love."

"Have you… ever…?"

Minerva nodded. "I have, indeed."

"Teach me," she said at once, without actually realizing it. Then she tried to elucidate the reason why. "I… I don't know what it is like being with a woman, and…"

"I cannot," Minerva countered, heavily leaning her head against the headboard. "I won't put you in this position. I'm old. I'm the headmistress. You shouldn't give up your chances for the whole thing being with me. I cannot give you even half of what many others could."

"But, Minerva. I want you. What if I want nothing more than what you could offer? What if I want no one else but you? You have been through three wars. You say that you know far better than to judge people on whom they love. Shouldn't you know better than anyone else then how fleeting life could be, and how soon and easily it could all be over? Shouldn't you know better than anyone else that we should enjoy the little time we have?" She questioned, tears now running down her cheeks, her being unaware of the difficulty Minerva was having not to cry, too. Hermione knew that she may have gone too far once the next bit left her mouth. "Only look at Remus and Tonks. They could have had years more, with Teddy, if Remus hadn't been so damn stubborn. Tonks loved him no matter what, for years… for always." Hermione sighed. "She at least died happily in the end, I suppose. "

"Do you see it as a personal goal to see me die happily, too?"

"Maybe," Hermione replied, and sniffled.

"You're not being fair."

"Life isn't really fair, Minerva."
- 4
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- 6
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When Nothing Leads To Something & Everything