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The Pain Of Loss	By : Kitkatislovely95 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 4673 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter fandom. I make no money from this story.

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It might not be what you all expected, but it plans out into the story this way. I think you guys will be alright with it when you see where I'm going with it in later chapters. So, here you go!

I own nothing. :(

Severus stared at Harry from across the room, feeling his heart pound in his chest, his breath coming quicker as his mind worked to find a way to explain to Harry why he had kissed him, why he was here to begin with.

Harry was still as beautiful as he was when all of this started. His eyes were lacking their old spark and he looked entirely too thin to be healthy but he was still the most beautiful man Severus had ever seen; from the angled jaw, the messy hair that never wanted to behave; the flat pale expanse of chest under Harry’s clothes, his hands roughened by hard work and riding a broom. Severus could think of a million things he loved about the younger man standing in front of him, but he currently didn’t have the time to think of those things.

“Harry…” Severus stopped at the look Harry got in his eyes. It was as if all his anger suddenly fled his body, leaving behind only the broken soul that felt nothing anymore.

“Severus, please just leave. The world will be better off without me. I’ve done my job, can’t I get one moment of peace? Can’t you let me get to my happiness; something that I obviously won’t find here.” Harry pleaded. He looked so sad, so desperate to get to the happiness he had been denied most of his life.

But Severus couldn’t. He couldn’t walk away and leave Harry here to die, knowing that will be what he does. As a teacher, it went against every moral he had; being someone who cared for the man standing in front of him, it had every particle in his body screaming at him never to leave Harry again.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I can’t leave here knowing what you are going to do, have to live with the fact that I let you walk right into your demise. I can’t.” Severus said softly. He had to convince Harry to come back with him, so that he could tell the man everything; there would be no more secrets, no more ulterior motives when it came to his relationship with Harry.

Harry looked down at the ground, bringing his hands up to his face to scrub roughly at it, sliding them into his hair and curling them into the tresses. He had gotten his eyes fixed a while ago, so that his glasses couldn’t be used against him in battle.

He didn’t know what to do. He had to get Severus to leave, and he didn’t know how to do that. The man was as stubborn as he was; it would be damn hard to get him to leave now that he had his mind set on ‘saving’ Harry.

He let his hands drop back to his sides, resigned to the fact that his plan would have to wait even longer. Merlin, why couldn’t he just get some peace? All he wanted was to be with the people he knew would love him always; something that apparently he wasn’t deserving of here on earth.

He looked back up at the man that owned every part of him and watched him flinch imperceptibly, probably at the look his eyes now held. He himself had flinched a time or two while looking in the mirror.

“What are you going to do now? Take me back to Hogwarts? I bet everyone is freaking out that I’m gone. I mean, the Boy-Who-Lived can’t possibly want time alone; he has to be the strong one.” The heavy bitterness in his voice as he spoke was not lost on either occupant in the room.

Severus cleared his throat, not letting himself believe that it had been that easy. Nothing was ever easy when it came to Harry Potter.

“That would be the best idea. Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger are very worried about you. They were incredibly distraught when the informed Professor McGonagall of your absence.” Severus said, watching to see if Harry would feel even slightly guilty that he had worried his best friends. Surprisingly, he saw nothing, only providing further evidence that Harry was broken beyond repair…

No, Severus thought, he would fix the man. He would make him realize that he was loved here, that he had someone he could turn to always.

Severus knew it would take him a long time to mend what he had broken between the two, but he was a patient man. He would prove to Harry that he had made a mistake and he knew that, but he would give everything he had to get Harry back. He would make Harry see that.

“Alright. Let’s go, then.” Harry walked from the room, after he grabbed a few of the pictures he had been looking at earlier off the walls. Severus followed him down the stairs and to the Apparation point. Both appeared in front of the majestic castle, walking silently inside. Harry knew he was to report to McGonagall and Severus followed after him.

Tonight would be a long night.

~HPSS~HPSS~HPSS~HPSS~HPSS~

Later that night, Severus lay in bed thinking about the occurrences of the day. He didn’t know where to go from here. How would he get Harry here alone with him? He needed to speak to the man and he couldn’t do that out in the open. He didn’t think he could get Harry in his rooms like he had before, either. That would involve Harry remembering what had happened between them.

Damn it all! He was a Slytherin for Merlin’s sake. He was born to be cunning, deceptive. He should damn well be able to think of a plan to get Harry to speak to him privately.

His mind traveled through many ideas, each one ending more disastrously than the last. He finally decided on just giving the man detention. The day had finally come when he was not able to think of a better plan than that. Hell had finally frozen over.

Severus sneered at himself before rolling over to face the door, something that he had learned to do as a spy, and laying there with his eyes closed until he fell asleep.

Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor Tower, Harry lay in his four-poster bed, after he had apologized to Ron and Hermione about not telling them he was leaving or where he was going and hearing a lecture from Professor McGonagall, staring up at the ceiling thinking about what he was going to do now. The only thing he could think of was to wait until he could leave Hogwarts after graduation and go somewhere that no one would find him and offing himself there. He didn’t particularly want to wait that long, but he was determined to take his life back into his own hands, meaning he could control when he damn well died or not.

He had two reasons for his wanting to die. Controlling his life for once, and wanting to feel again. He thought that his soul had left without him, almost as if he had received the Dementor’s Kiss. Each death of the ones he loved, the rejection of the one he need the most to heal him, it sent his soul to live with his family while he had to stay here feeling the effects of not feeling at all. It was horrible to feel this way; he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy.

His mind drifted to Severus. He reached his hand up to touch his lips, remembering the soft kiss the man had given him earlier. His chest flared subtly, reminding him of the pain Severus had caused him, the same reason why he shouldn’t want to feel those lips on his again.

But he couldn’t help it. No matter how much pain he felt due to him, he couldn’t hate Severus. He had tried, tried so hard to hate him for using him the way he had, even though the man had known how badly he was already hurt. He still thought of the betrayal he felt when Severus had told him it was just fucking, that he was naïve to fall in love with him.

But none of that mattered. He couldn’t hate Severus because he loved him too much. He loved the sarcastic remarks the man made, the sense of humor that wasn’t shown to many people but he had been lucky enough to witness; the rare smiles that would tip the man’s lips. But none of that compared to his eyes.

His eyes… those onyx orbs that pierced you like an arrow when he stared at you. They were so expressive when you knew what to look for; they glistened with a light that Harry had never seen before, no matter how many times he had looked at the man in defiance or anger. They showed how much knowledge he really possessed, how much emotion he had but rarely ever showed. Harry could look into his eyes for hours, drowning in their bottomless depths, learning secrets that no other person would ever know.

Finally, Harry let the tears flow that he had been trying to hold in. He thought about Severus’ hands, stained from years of working with potion ingredients, the steadiness and precision that had been honed into a skill; the hands that had brought him to the highest peaks of ecstasy. He loved those long fingers, thrusting inside of him to get him ready for something much bigger between the man’s legs, plucking at his nipples until they were hard and sensitive.

Harry’s hand had traveled down to his hardening cock in his sleep pants, wrapping it around the base of the stock of flesh and stroking up and down as he thought of the times Severus had slid his fingers into Harry’s mouth, rubbing them against his tongue to get them wet to ease their entrance into his arse.

He tears increased as he got closer to his orgasm, thinking about Severus’ cock thrusting into his tight hole, how he would whisper to him how hot it was inside of him, how he could stay there forever. Harry never thought he would want to be talked dirty to in bed, but as long as it was in Severus’s voice, deep and velvety, he loved it.

He wasn’t in to the mood to prolong it tonight, so he stroked his cock faster, squeezing harder, corkscrewing his wrist every few pulls. Soon, he was coming with Severus’ name on his lips.

He lay there panting for a while, tiredly cleaning himself with a wandless cleaning charm, letting himself come down. His climax was a bitter sweet release, bringing up memories of a time he would never be able to have back, his tears making it not nearly as enjoyable as it used to be.

He let out a small sob as he let exhaustion take him into restless sleep, sleep filled with happier times, Harry’s mind turning them into nightmares, memories of the night that he’d lost everything.

Hi! So, what did you think? Harry is just determined, isn't he? And stubborn as all hell. :p lol. Anyway, review and tell me what you thought. I really hope it isn't to disappointing to some of you.

xoxo,

Kitkat
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The Pain Of Loss