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The Best Kept Secrets	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 13518 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I did not create the Harry Potter stories or universe and I do not make any money from this

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
THE BEST KEPT SECRETS

Chapter Five: This Life of Solitude

They always visited on the same day at the same time, bright and early, disturbing the peace he so enjoyed. However, he wasn't surprised when noon rolled around without word from any of them. What did surprise him was the ache of loneliness that accompanied the realization.

It had been a long time since the last time this had happened. The few meetings they had missed in between had always had sent a letter in their place, with apologies, explanations, and promises to visit as soon as possible. He had always rolled his eyes at their need to reassure him, but denied to himself the comfort it brought.

Severus Snape had spent much of his life alone, relying only on himself. Of course, it would be Harry bloody Potter to destroy his routines, defenses, and his appreciation of solitude. Those were things, of course, better left unsaid, buried so deeply into the recesses of his mind that he never once dwelled on them.

Or, rather, dwelled on them often.

Despite knowing they would not come, he found his gaze straying to the clock on multiple occasions. At times, he felt his heart skip a beat when he heard a car slow down outside of his home only for it to sink when it didn't turn into his driveway. The third time this happened, he had been in his kitchen putting together a simple sandwich for his lunch. A knife had been in hand slicing up a juicy tomato. His hand squeezing the weapon tightly in anticipation, he listened closely, though it was hard to hear anything over the thudding of his pulse that was loud in his ears. When seconds of silence ticked by, once he was certain that they had not arrived, he clenched his teeth and fists then slamming the latter down hard onto the counter.

Only fools let their hearts rule them. It was a pathetically Gryffindor quality that did not suit the Slytherin in the least. It was all Potter's fault. Potter, who had wormed his way into his life and his heart. Potter, who let this secret out. Harry bloody Potter who had been ruining his life since their first meeting and destroying his soul since rescuing him in that shack. The way his entire being craved the younger wizard, how consumed he was by the savior, the excruciating pain that shook his very core because of his sadistic lover never became old. After all of this time, he had no hopes of these despicable feelings dimming at all. It was the sort of obsession that one never got used to. Even now, he was amazed that such fury and agony of this level could still possess him after all he had been through because of that brat, after the countless times Potter had caused these very feelings in him. Every ounce of his being loathed the man just as passionately as he loved him on days like these.

If there were a way to break this godforsaken curse the Potter brat had placed on him, he'd have freed himself when he first accepted the truth that he would never have what he wanted.

Harry was not the only one he missed. When Jim first left for Hogwarts he noticed this now familiar ache and hollowness left by his missing son during these meetings. As annoying as the children were, he did love them. Even Lily, despite the fact that she was not of his flesh and blood, meant the world to him. The young red haired child was a part of Harry, and, really, that's all it took. It took time, of course, but the first time she smiled at him with a grin that mirrored her father's so perfectly was enough to steal his heart. Or what was left of it.

Shaking his head, Severus decided he was no longer hungry. Stabbing the knife into the unfinished sandwich, he shoved the plate aside then turned to his alcohol cabinet. He paused with his hand hovering near an unopened bottle of firewhiskey. Was he truly so pathetic that he would have to drink his sorrows away because of one missed visit? He could read a book, work on his latest potions, or invite Egan Duff over for a bit of distraction. It had been a while since he had last spoken to Draco, Neville, or Hermione. One of them would surely be up for a visit if it was company he was craving. Merlin knew Hermione needed an intelligent mind to converse with, as she spent most days in the company of the dunderhead she called a husband. Anything would be better than letting Harry have this sort of power over him. It was foolish, would only serve to wound his pride further, and would result in absolutely nothing getting accomplished that day. Didn't he have more pressing matters to worry about than a Potter? Or Potters, as the case may be. He believed he was on the verge of a breakthrough in discovering a cure for the supposed incurable dragon fever. Hundreds of lives could be saved. Didn't that mean more than moping over something so frivolous?

His fingertips brushed the bottle, his resolve nearly failing him, but he gathered his strength to move away from temptation. There was work to be done, he reminded himself. It was really a blessing in disguise that they hadn't come.

Deep in the basement, Severus pulled out his books and notes, leaving them open on one table while gathering his ingredients on the other. A Summoning spell brought one of five cauldrons to him so that he could remove the stasis charm to continue his work. Currently, the potion was a deep blue color that looked promising. Nodding in approval, he turned to his ingredients table, plucking up a phial of rancid lobalug venom. This would need to be dealt with care. By the time the potion was ready, bubbling and shooting out sparks of deep purple, he had pulled on his dragon-hide gloves, slowly uncorking the phial, holding it over the cauldron. The dark green venom was thick, leaking slowly out of the phial. By the time it was empty his arm was sore from holding it still for so long. The empty phial was then, magically, sent across the room, locked inside a dark yellow wastebasket with red skull and crossbones. He would have to take that out later to destroy the contents. Many things within his laboratory, be it ingredients or failed potions, could be highly dangerous and would need to be disposed of in a special manner. Lobalug venom was at the top of that list. It was too dangerous to even keep in his stores for too long. Had he saved it for a week longer, it could have had disastrous results.

The dark blue lightened a few shades, the purple sparks were replaced by green-gray smoke, and the scent of rust becoming the nearly unbearable scent of vomit and hippogriff manure. He was used to unpleasant smells from his work, but this made even him wrinkle his nose in disgust, swallowing back the bile rising in his throat as he turned to gather his dragon parts, still mulling over the order in which to add them. The scales of a Romanian Longhorn, fangs of the Peruvian Vipertooth, horns of the Hebridean Black, and a jar of eyes of various dragon breeds, though he would today need those of an Antipodean Opaleye. Maybe one or two of a Chinese Fireball if need be, though he doubted it would call for it. Picking up a horn, he frowned, twisting it around in his hands. It was going to take a powerful tool to saw this down into the dust he needed. The solution he had soaked it in had done little to weaken the form.

"Merlin and Morgana, what are you doing down there?" shouted a familiar female voice. Severus breathed in sharply, eyes darting to the basement door which luckily remained shut. "It reeks, whatever it is!"

Lily Luna Potter. His hands shook as he set down the horn, quickly recasting the stasis spell over the cauldron. So, they had come after all. The way his pulse sped up excitedly was embarrassing, though he was determined not to let any of his ridiculous feelings show. Hopefully, no one had spotted the sandwich he had stabbed in the kitchen.

"I don't brew to satisfy your sense of smell, Lily," Severus remarked, using a few flicks of his wand to put his cauldron back in place with the others, though he left everything else as it was. He could return here later and none of the ingredients he had out were as volatile as the lobalug venom had been. Refusing to rush upstairs like some overeager child, he forced himself to take his time walking up, though the journey seemed to take him an eternity.

"Well, you should!" Lily giggled. "Do you think you could make me some perfume? Is it that different from potion making? Though I suppose you're so used to making things that make people gag…"

"I have never attempted the creation of perfume, nor do I have any desire to do so," Severus muttered as he finally opened the door. Only Lily had come to greet him, it seemed. He had to admit that, while he was grateful for it, he was surprised by the warmth she had been showing him since the revelation.

"If I asked nicely would you try? My birthday's soon, you know!" she said, jumping up as she threw her arms around him in a tight hug. "No one wanted to come today, so I made Teddy bring me. Is that alright?"

So no one else was here? All of that relief and happiness suddenly dimmed dramatically. While he had been striving to keep all emotion from his features, he had a feeling Lily noticed the difference because her arms loosened somewhat around him, the smile on her face faltering.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"None of this is your fault," Severus snorted. "Unfortunately, parents make more mistakes than they care to confess to."

"Guess so," Lily said miserably.

"Err…Is this alright?" asked another voice.

Severus looked up, surprised to see Teddy Lupin standing there timidly. When Lily mentioned that Teddy had brought her, he assumed the young man had left. It had been a while since Teddy had last visited him. The last time had probably been the Potters' last visit before the children returned to school last summer. He had a life, like most people, and only Harry really seemed determined to visit him once a week. Severus could hardly begrudge him that. As the young man was Harry's godson, an honorary member of the Potter family, Severus had seen a lot of him during his childhood. Not as much as James, Albus, and Lily, but still more than most of his visitors. His intelligence, easygoing nature, and friendliness all reminded him of the boy's father, though Severus had more fondness for Ted Lupin than he ever did the werewolf.

"I was anticipating the disturbance to my solitude as is the weekly tradition of your godfather," Severus replied smoothly. "You might as well make use of it. I would hardly be so accommodating any other day."

"Of course not," Teddy said with a strained smile. "Only Lily really wanted to see you, so I decided it might be worth it even if you were in a cranky mood."

Severus raised his eyebrow here. It was almost disturbing how he seemed to have lost his edge. The ex-students who knew he was alive had become used to his snarky comments while their progeny had grown up around him that way. Ted Lupin and the Potter children seemed more immune to his words than anyone else, as they had been exposed to him more than anyone else. It almost made him long for the days of being Hogwarts most feared, hated, and intimidating professor. By now he was used to it, but at the oddest times it just struck him how strange this all was.

"Why in the world did you want to visit me so much?" he inquired of the young girl as he led them into the living room. "Don't you have a better way to waste your day?"

Lily glanced uncertainly to Teddy who gave her an encouraging nod. "I just…Well…We come here every week. Sometimes more. So you know you wouldn't have been mad if we showed up any other time," she added with a laugh. "But…umm…Well, I just…You're still my godfather, you know?"

Yes, Severus was very well aware. He had been reluctant to agree to being godfather to the offspring of the man he loved and his wife. Severus had been very bitter all through Ginevra's pregnancy, despising them both so much for reproducing. Potter belonged to him, whether anyone else knew it or not. All of Harry's children should have been his. Having a child with that devil-woman only further cemented the Golden Couple's marriage, assuring him that there was truly no hope of ever truly having Harry.

Only once did he ever confess to these feelings, and it was towards the end of Ginevra's pregnancy. Severus had been brooding, unable to use even potion-making to distract himself, when Harry arrived alone wearing a forced smile.

"Ginny's having her baby shower and Fleur kicked me out," Harry laughed nervously. "Mind if I come in?"

"Is Ronald not available for you to bother?" Severus asked grumpily, a hand on the door and the other on the doorframe, blocking Harry's way into his house. Though he did notice, rather miserably, his grip on the door loosened when the man asked entrance to his home.

"Don't be like this, Severus," Harry sighed.

"Like what?" Severus growled through clenched teeth.

"What is your problem lately? You've been nastier than usual."

"Go away, Potter."

Severus slammed the door in his face, locking it. As he walked away, he was surprised to hear the door slam open, turning in time to see Harry stride in with his wand, magically repairing the damage he caused to the doorframe with a spell.

"What have I told you about using magic here?" Severus growled.

"You use it all the time," Harry muttered. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Whatever's wrong with you! Between Ginny's mood swings and your problems, it's driving me bloody insane! If I didn't know better, I'd think you were pregnant."

Severus's eye twitched. "Leave."

"Did I do something?" Harry asked. "Because I don't know what the bloody hell it is if I did. You've been a complete arse for…for months now!"

The older wizard laughed bitterly. "And you don't even know why? After all this time?"

Harry's eyebrows scrunched together. "No. I can't read your mind, Snape."

"If you weren't so clueless perhaps you would have seen the signs," Severus spat. "If you had more than half a brain in your thick skull you could probably pinpoint the very momentthis began. Perhaps realizing that the moment your 'good news' was announced that I was not nearly as glad for the happy couple as everyone other imbecile."

His lover appeared momentarily confused before his eyes widened in realization. "Oh."

"Oh," Severus snorted. "Oh! It's amazing how you survive at all with such a low skills in perception. You don't notice things around you. Even if you weren't aware of this spectacular timing, then it should have at least been clear that I would not enjoy learning that the man I'm in love with is having a child with someone else!"

Harry cringed, cleared his throat, then shook his head. "You…Ginny and I are married. You know we have sex…and…you had to have known we'd have kids. Ginny comes from a big family, so she wanted…"

"She has Jim and Albus, does she not? Raising my sons," he spat.

"And whose choice was that?" Harry snapped.

"There was never a choice, Potter! I cannot raise children. But that doesn't mean I wanted my children to be passed off as the sons of that gold-digging whore!"

"Do not talk about her that way! She's been nothing but good to your ungrateful arse!"

"Good?" Severus hissed. "She took you away from me!"

"She didn't take anything from you. I…I went to her. What sort of life could we have had together, Snape?" Harry demanded, a familiar pain filling his green eyes. It made Severus want to punch him hard enough to break something then kiss it all better.

Instead he turned away. "Get out."

"I can't."

Severus turned to glare at him at the same moment Harry grabbed his arm to turn him around. The way those emerald orbs pleaded with him was almost enough to melt his resolve. While one side of him weakened, another stood taller, determined not to be brought down by this young man. He had survived too much in life, suffered too much to go through this all over again. Losing Lily had nearly been the death of him, yet, here he was, allowing himself to be dragged along by her foolish son. The man was too proud to let himself be used this way. What he should have done the moment he realized this was never going to work was walk away. But here he was, always open whenever Potter needed him then waiting for him to return.

Harry would really have a family with Ginevra now. This was the time to walk away, clinging to what remained of his heart and his pride. But Potter's hands grabbed his face, forcing him to meet his eyes. When his own hands came up to grasp Potter's shoulders, he found it impossible to shove him away.

"I love you," the boy swore, the truth of his words reflected in his determined gaze, etched deeply into each syllable he spoke. "I hate hurting you. God, I'm so fucking stupid. I hate this. But I love you too much to stop. I can't let you go, please understand. I need you. I love you so much, you have to believe me. Please don't make me go."

If he had his way, Harry would never leave. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them back. He had confessed more than enough for one day, had he not? Instead, he pulled Harry closer, kissing him deeply. As Severus touched him, undressed him, then finally bent him over the back of the couch, Harry never once stopped him. Sometimes he was sure it was out of guilt, as only weeks before he had sworn they could never resume their affair. The reasons didn't matter. He wasn't a foolish man. Whatever was offered, he would take and treasure every moment of it. Severus has luxuriated in taking Harry, whispering the love he hated to admit into his ear, feeling his heart swell with every promise of that love being returned.

The time Lily was born, the hatred had only lessened somewhat.

The first time Severus laid eyes on her, he wanted to snatch her from Ginevra's arms to throw her into the nearest wall. Loving her was a gradual thing, but it came more naturally than he cared for.

Now, sitting across from her in his living room, it was hard to remember a time when he hated her so. Especially now that she was the only person seeking him out, the only one who seemed to want his company. The only one who didn't despise him. Her bright brown eyes were filled to the brim with sadness and concern, the wringing of her hands attesting to her nervousness. Teddy sat stiffly beside her, looking all over the room but never directly at one of them.

The silence was awkward, though Severus did his best to not let his own discomfort show. His show of calmness succeeded in making the others relax somewhat.

"So," Teddy said, flushing as he broke the silence. "What potion are you working on now?"

"Several," Severus replied dryly. "Though the elixir I was tending to when you arrived is a possible cure for dragon fever."

"Oh," Teddy said with a smile. "That sounds…great. How far along are you?"

"This is my fifth attempt," Severus replied. "I have reason to believe it will be the right one. All that is left is a few touch ups on the notes. I'm three quarters of the way through brewing it now. I believe that by tomorrow we will be able to start testing."

"How do you test potions anyway?" Lily asked. "You don't use animals or people do you?"

"There was a time when such a thing was necessary," Severus replied. "There were spells invented in the past century that would tell whether a potion would have the desired effect, but they were never accurate enough. You had a general idea of whether it would be dangerous for human consumption, but the true results were never known until humans actually consumed the product. In recent years, however, Mr. Longbottom has developed a plant known as the lectum heros. All it requires is the DNA of a particular species, then fed the potion, and it will replicate the effects of it. Sometimes it's been known to even help with spells. When creating a cure for an illness, however, it requires the DNA of a person with said illness. Has he mentioned anything of the sort in his classes?"

"Not really," Lily said with a frown. "He doesn't brag much, though. Once, Hugo mentioned something he had been in the Prophet for. I think it was a plant, but I really don't know. Anyway, he mentioned it and Professor Longbottom refused to talk about it! Got all embarrassed and stuff, really. Kinda' like Daddy, right? How Daddy doesn't like talking about all of the good he did. I dunno why. Jamie brags all the time, even when he does little stuff. Well, he used to. He's not as much of a prat as he used to be."

Severus snorted. He knew well of his son's antics. As much as he loved him, it was hard to not want to strangle him when he waltzed around superiorly, mentioning things such as how great of a cook he was when he finally learned how to make a casserole without burning it. Even now he still had a rather big head about things, though Lily was correct in her observation that he was not quite as arrogant as he had been when he was younger. "He is much like his namesake in that regard."

Lily's face scrunched up in confusion. "His what?"

He struggled not to roll his eyes, hoping no one noticed the twitch he felt in his cheek and his brows.

"Err, namesake, Lil," Teddy explained quickly before Severus had to. Smart of him. Despite how much he did like Lily, he still had little patience for ignorance. "It means someone another person was named for. Like how James was named after your grandfather, you were named after your grandmother, Al was named for Headmaster Dumbledore, I was named for my grandfather, and so on."

"Oooh, okay! Oh, that's right. You knew my granddad, didn't you? You didn't like him very much," Lily giggled. Now Severus found it impossible not to glare, though she didn't seem disturbed by it in the least. "How does this work anyway? I mean, you hated him, right? And Jamie is just like him. But he's your son. So, do you not like James? Or does that mean Al is your favorite?"

"Lily," groaned Teddy as Severus stared at her.

How in the world was he supposed to answer a question like that? The fact that his own son so much resembled the man who had made his childhood hell had not gone unnoticed, though Severus refused to put much thought into it before. "Why don't we talk about…erm…"

The young girl's smile faded as she seemed to consider something. "You…you do love Jamie and Al, don't you? They don't think you do, I think, but parents have to love their kids, right?"

Her joking tone from earlier had disappeared, leaving an expression of such worry that Teddy faltered in whatever he opened his mouth to say. Severus shifted uncomfortably, wanting desperately to tear his eyes from hers, but refusing to do so. This was the last conversation in the world he wanted to have. While, earlier, he had missed the weekly meetings, he should have known that anyone that did come would want to work through all of these new issues.

Stupid Potter, letting the truth come out this way. This was why he wanted it to remain hidden. Foolish boy probably hadn't even rid himself of the mementos as he had instructed him to all of those years ago. Stupid, sentimental man. Albus wasn't stupid. Somehow, he had figured it out. But there had to have been something, some sort of clue lying around, that led him to such realizations.

This was the last conversation he wanted to be having. Surely, her father would have been the better choice for such questions. Harry would have told her. He had no qualms in dealing with such emotional garbage. Even if the question was regarding Severus's own feelings, surely that didn't mean she had to ask him about them. When had he become so soft that this thirteen year old girl felt perfectly at ease bombarding him with such personal inquiries?

There was no choice but to answer, though Severus hesitated doing so. "I…Of course I love your brothers, Lily. They are…Not all parents are good ones. They don't all have to love their children. Yet, however heartless your parents might proclaim me to be, I do care for my sons very much. Just as I care for you and your father."

Admitting his feelings for Harry to the man himself was difficult enough. Having to confess such a weakness to another person was awful. As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back, swallow them down, and never allow them to leave the confines of his heart.

Lily grinned. "You love me?"

He huffed. "You are my godchild, Lily. Due to your father's inability to understand when he, and his progeny, are unwelcome, I was forced to watch you grow up. Of course I've developed some form of disgusting fondness for yourself and Mr. Lupin here."

Teddy chuckled, face growing pink. "Aww, shucks. I didn't know you cared!"

"Despite any sentimental declarations, Mr. Lupin, I will not hesitate to use you as ingredients for my next potion," Severus warned with a sharp glare, entire body tensed defensively. Why say anything at all? He should have just snapped that he despised the lot of them and been done with it!

"We love you, too, Snape!" smiled Lily. The humor in her eyes slowly faded into something more serious that made him uneasy. "Even Daddy."

Dear Merlin. If the earth opened up to swallow him now, he would be forever grateful. His stomach churned at the mention of Harry. His heart swelled while his mind scolded him, telling him how foolish believing such blatant lies was. "So he says."

Though James had been home for days now, he made it very clear that it was the last place he wanted to be. His parents had forbidden him from running off again, so he kept himself occupied by inviting friends over. It wasn't as though they could instigate any sort of family drama with guests in the house. Just yesterday he spent most of his time flying around the backyard with his cousins, Fred, Roxanne, Dominique, and Molly, as well as friends Rafferty and Killian McLaggen, Dasha Krum, Paul Davies, and Gary Thomas. That night, just to avoid dinner with his family, he invited one of his best friends, Birgid "Birdy" Finnigan over under the pretense of a date. No one knew that James was gay or that Birdy was a lesbian, so it had worked out perfectly in his favor.

While such tactics had worked for the past few days, James was having a hard time getting any company now. The McLaggen brothers were grounded for reasons no one would tell him. Their sister Aoife offered him company, but she had been harboring a crush on him for years that disturbed him to no end, so he declined. The Krums were visiting their grandparents in Bulgaria, Paul and Gary both had to entertain their girlfriends, Fred was planning a party, Roxanne was having a girl's day with their cousins, and everyone else also had very convenient excuses. Even Birdy couldn't occupy him because her brother Trick had returned home from a yearlong visit to Japan. He swore it had to be a conspiracy. Ginny must have plotted the whole thing just to force him out of hiding. She really should have known him better than to think that something like this would be enough to break him!

This idea was only reinforced when it was announced that she had the day off instead of going into the office that afternoon as she normally did. How stupid did she think he was?

He tried to stay in his room for a few hours, but it didn't take long for him to become bored out of his mind. There had to be something to do! But Quidditch wasn't much fun alone. Then there was no one in this house he wanted to speak to at all, no matter how dull things got. Ginny tried bothering him a few times, but he ignored her, causing her to storm off, muttering under her breath. Served her right, really. Served them all right.

Teddy! James jumped out of bed as his boyfriend came to mind. Why hadn't he thought of him sooner? Sure, he usually worked, but he had mentioned having the day off, hadn't he? And James had completely forgotten about it! Rushing to the door, he had to slow down, trying to calm himself before he left the room. The floo was in his dad's office, just across the hall. Harry wasn't likely to be in there today, so it was a safer bet than trying to sneak downstairs into the living room. The less people who were aware of him, the better.

As he gripped the doorknob, slowly turning it, he could have screamed for how loud it squeaked! Maybe it wasn't so bad, but in his desperate state it was as loud as an explosion! And he had heard plenty of those hanging around his Uncle George and cousin Fred! Carefully pulling open the door was even worse! Who in the world couldn't hear that creak? James cringed, holding his breath as he peaked into the hallway. Mentally counting to ten, he was relieved when no one poked their heads out, allowing himself to sneak out of his room, wishing he could run to Harry's office, but forcing himself to walk slowly.

Opening the office door was even worse. Every inch he pulled the door open found James twisting his head all around, half expecting Albus or Lily to pop out of their bedrooms or Ginny and Harry storming upstairs, calling his name. Thankfully, he was only being paranoid and none of those things ended up happening. He was tempted to not even close the door to spare his nerves, but figured it was safer in case someone heard his voice. Once the door was closed, he let out a long breath of relief. With his heart settling down, he wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers then dropped to his knees in front of the fireplace. A pinch of floo powder, naming Teddy and Victoire's flat, then thrusting his face into the fire he was welcomed to the sight of an empty living room.

Teddy could be out doing something. He did have his own friends, though the idea of him being gone was disheartening. It was worth a shot. "Oh, Teddy-Bear! You here?" he called out in a sing-songy voice. It was such a silly nickname, a pet name Victoire had been using for years. James originally used it to tease Teddy, making fun of Victoire for even saying it, though, recently, he was starting to see its appeal. No matter how much it embarrassed Ted to hear it, James could tell he secretly enjoyed it.

It was at least better than Teddy calling her, 'Vicky Doll.'

"Jamie-Dear, is that you?" called the sweet voice of Victoire. James cringed, face heating up, neck jerking as he was tempted to pull his head out of the floo. Seconds later the leggy blond gracefully walked into view. His cousin, or not really his cousin, he thought bitterly, grinned broadly upon seeing him. "Hello, darling. I'm sorry, but Teddy's not here. Lily came over not long ago and begged him to take her somewhere. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Err…"

"Is everything alright?" she asked, smile dimming somewhat. "Do you want to come over?"

"Well…I mean…I…dunno," James said uncomfortably. He was hoping for a distraction, though at her offer he was sorely tempted to launch into the whole story. Why did he bother keeping it a secret from her? From anyone? His stupid parents had been the one who wanted to keep a secret. It would be good for them, a right punishment for all of this to come out. What would everyone think of their beloved Harry Potter then? Not only gay, but a cheater at that! Though the former would probably cause more outrage than the latter, unfortunately. People were just plain silly that way.

"Come on through, Jimmy-Joo!" Victoire said cheerfully, though the happiness didn't replace the concern in her bright blue eyes. Why did she have to care about him so much, anyway? They weren't even really cousins. She didn't know that, but still! Victoire was always so sweet it was hard to really hate her. Especially when she was so warm towards him. How was he supposed to dislike her? How could Teddy ever leave someone so nice and beautiful? It was starting to make James feel guilty for what they did, and he did hate feeling like this.

At least she called him Jimmy-Joo. That was so annoying! What was it with her and all of these stupid nicknames anyway?

"I have some cookies I made last night. They're not as good as Grandmother's, but I must be getting better! And we can have a chat or we can look through some…ahh…Quidditch magazines or whatever you'd like! You're always welcome here, you know. Doesn't matter if Ted or I am here, you just make yourself right at home. If you need to escape or have some quiet time to yourself. And if you need us, we're always here for you, you know that, right?"

Victoire just prattled on, so James, reluctantly, pulled his head out then flooed right into the living room. This wasn't his ideal way of spending the day, but it was getting him away from the house and his family.

"I thought you had work today," James said, trying his best to sound curious instead of accusatory.

"Oh, I was supposed to, but Teddy had the day off so I begged Felicia to switch days with me. We haven't had as much time together lately," she said sadly. "Then he goes and runs off with Lily." Here she laughed, but James could tell she was disappointed. He moved around uncomfortably on his feet as she bustled about in the kitchen, putting the cookies on a plate then fetching them each a glass of pumpkin juice. James sat on the couch as she placed everything on the coffee table before sitting down beside him. "So what's on your mind, JJ?"

"Erm…Not much. Just…same ole family drama," he sighed.

"What is going on?" Victoire asked curiously. "Are they fighting again? Your mum and dad? Mama said they've had problems before, but…Oh…Well…You don't have to talk about it if you don't want."

James did want to. It would be a sweet taste of revenge to break the news to someone that the Golden Couple wasn't quite so perfect. As invigorating as the thought was, he couldn't make the words leave his mouth. "I…Sort of. More to do with the whole family than just them. They…they lied to us…our whole lives about…I can't say. I shouldn't."

"Oh, that's fine. I'm sorry for pushing!" Victoire said. She tried her best to look patient and encouraging, but he could see the burning curiosity in her eyes. The only thing that dampened it was the look of worry that had been in place from the start. "But if you do want to talk about it, be assured that I won't say a word to anyone else. I promise."

"I…thanks, Vic," James said, swallowing hard.

He felt absolutely rotten.

The beautiful blond smiled nervously, blue eyes flickering away from him as she took a long sip of her pumpkin juice. More out of politeness than hunger, he grabbed a cookie, stuffing half of it in his mouth before swallowing it all down with a few large gulps from his glass.

"I…Well, I'm not very good at it, but if you'd want to…Play Quidditch…or something…We can go down to the pitch," she offered. In the small Wizarding village she and Teddy lived in there was a decently sized Quidditch pitch behind a restaurant called the Quick Quaffle. It was first created by a big Quidditch fan, so the walls were all decorated with banners of the various teams to seem impartial, but the sheer number of Caerphilly Catapults posters, the fact that there was a huge party at the place every game they won, also that the building's exterior as well as most of the interior were done in light greens and scarlet showed clear favoritism. It was a favorite place of James's. The food was actually really good. Besides that, he liked talking to like-minded wizards on their religion that was Quidditch. When the pitch was built three years ago, it was a favorite place of James's to practice flying during the hols. Not to mention that he loved angering owner, Jaegar Joram, by insulting the Caerphilly Catapults every chance he got, marching in to celebrate their every loss, and boasting every win of his own favorite team, the Pride of Portree.

He had been there a lot with Teddy. In fact, they once made out in the gent's room, nearly getting caught by Jaegar himself. James had to make up some flimsy excuse about trying, and failing. to prank school nemesis Zayd Zabini, who had been dining with his sister Xavia, her boyfriend Lev Lennon, and his girlfriend Melisandre Pucey. They had been fussed at a bit, but it was better than being discovered as not only gay, but fooling around with his cousin's boyfriend, who also so happened to be his father's godson.

It had been a fun, exciting day. James had been so happy, just like he always was when he was with Teddy. But thinking about all of that now, right beside Victoire, was awful. If she could read his mind, they'd be in deep shite, wouldn't they? He remembered, clearly, the hope that Victoire would wake up then walk in on them in the middle of having sex when Teddy had finally fucked him. He was deeply ashamed of that desire now, unable to bear looking at her. It was hard enough sitting beside her. James wanted Teddy all to himself, but at what cost? Victoire was being too good to him. Everything in him was screaming, begging with her to toss him out on his arse, to give him a good reason to hate her. A better reason than simply the fact that she had Teddy Lupin and he didn't.

Sometimes he could hate her for it, but it never lasted. The guilt was always sure to return as his hatred of her was. Only now it was worse. Because now she was being so nice to him, being there for him when he needed someone, and he knew that he didn't deserve it. Especially not from her.

His stomach churned.

Would she still have served him cookies and pumpkin juice if she knew that Teddy had been sneaking around behind her back? Could Victoire manage to do anything more than cry or would she hex him if she knew that after spending so much time comforting him that James seduced Teddy right under her nose? Why would anyone be nice to someone who had betrayed so much of their trust? Victoire didn't deserve any of it. Even if her nicknames were silly and annoying. Even if her only talent in the world was being pretty. No matter what things were wrong with her, she was still a good, trusting person so none of her little quirks warranted what James and Teddy were doing to her.

But he wouldn't stop. He never did. Teddy was too much a part of him now for James to let him go.

"James?" Victoire asked. He got the feeling she had been talking for a while, but he had been too lost in his own misery to listen.

"Hmm?"

"Are you…? Well that's a silly question. I mean…What do you want to do?" she asked, teeth worrying her bottom lip.

She was too pretty. Disgusted by his own guilt, James sat up straight, struggling to remember all of the things he disliked about her. Her cookies weren't as good as Grandmum Weasley's. The perfume she wore was too flowery. She was a stupid, silly girl. The nicknames she made up were horrendous. Her legs were too long. Her eyes were too blue. Teddy loved her too much.

No matter how hard he tried, nothing was working. Merlin, he hated feeling like this. Sick to his stomach. So deeply ashamed of himself. It had never been this bad before.

"I…I should go," he muttered.

What if he was pregnant? Teddy hadn't pulled out like he said he would when they had sex. If they had a baby together, Victoire would have to find out eventually.

His imagination worked well in providing a reaction. The shock widening her crystal blue eyes, tears welling up in them, the tremble of her full lips, heartbreaking sobs…

"You don't have to…"

"I…I need to," he rasped out, quickly standing, stumbling towards the fireplace.

"Let me," she said anxiously, but with a handful of floo powder he was gone before she could finish her sentence.

At least she wasn't really his cousin. He tried using that mantra to comfort himself as he landed in his father's office. It didn't work nearly as well as he had hoped.

Rose had sent an owl to Albus this morning. It had taken a while for him to feel comfortable reading it. The sheer thickness of it was daunting. For a while he had been sure she must have sent him a draft of a textbook she had been secretly working on rather than a letter. Perhaps it was a bit of an exaggeration, but he had never seen such a long letter before. She had sent several rolls of parchment, all filled from the topmost edge to the bottommost with her miniscule handwriting. With a heavy sigh, he sat by his window after breakfast, holding the top parchment to his face so he could begin reading.

By the time Ginny knocked on his door then entered without permission, Albus had read through roughly half of the letter. Most of it was Rose talking herself in circles again, giving her various theories of her father's possible affair. Then there was a very wild guess involving her father's possible homosexuality, wondering if she and Hugo could possibly be someone else's children, then questioning even her mother's fidelity. She then talked herself out of it by proclaiming that there was no way her father was gay and it was even less likely that her mother could have cheated on him. After giving him all of her ideas on how she could further prove if she was correct or not, she launched into questions of his own situation, wondering how on earth Harry and Snape had gotten together then asking if she could speak with her mother on the issue, as she had a feeling Hermione already knew. He was not all that amused by her assumption that Snape must have drugged Harry with love and/or lust potions, even going so far as to insinuate that he had invented a spell that built upon the Imperius Curse. Whether she was joking or not, he wasn't sure, but he frowned as he read the paragraph several times. While he was unhappy with all of his parents, he highly doubted Snape had used magic or other means of manipulating his father into a relationship with him. In fact, it made him angry with Rose for even bringing it up! She didn't know Snape that well. Though she should know him well enough to know that was not the case! Who was she to go around saying such things? Defensive feelings for Snape were not what he expected to happen, but the man was his father and Albus couldn't let even his best friend say such vile things about him.

Luckily, Ginny's entrance interrupted his tenth read through that paragraph. She raised her eyebrows upon seeing the furious look upon his face. He was tempted to snap at her for walking into his room before he could say or do anything, but that wouldn't be fair. While he was upset with her, taking the anger he felt towards Rose out on her wasn't fair. Especially since it was anger concerning his defense of his biological father. Shaking his head, he set the letter down, then turned to face her, without really looking at her.

"What you got there?" Ginny asked, carefully sitting at the foot of his bed.

"Letter from Rose," he muttered, combing his fingers through his untidy black hair.

"Ah," Ginny said. "Things alright with her?"

"I…yeah," he lied. "Did you need something?"

"Well…Do you know where James is?" Ginny asked.

"Dunno," Albus sighed. "Probably running around with Teddy, I imagine."

"Right," Ginny said. "Ah…You good?"

Albus snorted. "As good as one can be in such a situation."

Ginny lowered her eyes to the ground. "Right. Well…Is there anything you…you want to talk about?"

There was, but at the same time, Albus really didn't want to be around her all that much. "I…Not really."

Turning away from her, Albus looked out of his window, hoping she would get the message. She didn't. Or at least chose to ignore his wishes. After several tense minutes, he reluctantly glanced back to her as she stared at him sadly.

"Why did you do it?" he asked. Hermione had already given him her ideas of everyone's motives, but she wasn't Ginny, was she? Only his mother could really tell him why she had stayed. It would really be better coming from her, anyway.

Seemingly anticipating this question, Ginny nodded then sat up straighter. "I always loved your father, Albus. Always. The time he…got pregnant with James…we were already having a lot of problems. We'd broken up a lot over the years. Separated and almost divorced before we had been married long. We both had a lot of issues after the war…" Here she looked away, shoulders slumping. Albus averted his own eyes, reminded of many Victory Day parties in which his mother would fold into herself, clinging to her misery. He remembered his father downing drink after drink as though the bottle of firewhiskey was his lifeline. There had been so many tears and anger, yet he had been too young at the time to really understand any of it. How bad had it been before they were born? When the war was still fresh on their minds?

"He was always so angry. So was I. We couldn't stop fighting. Always over silly things. Almost always. I was depressed for a long time," she admitted. "When he told me he was pregnant and that he had been sleeping with Snape, I was furious. But I almost understood. I wrote it off as just another phase he had to go through to heal. Something he would get over, like his drinking. At the same time, I had already lost too many people I cared about. Even if he had done that to me, I wasn't ready to lose him, too."

"But it wasn't just the one time," Albus said quietly. "Why did you stay with him when it continued? And why did you help them lie to us?"

Ginny smiled sadly. "I stayed because by the time James was born, it was too late. Whether I had given birth to him or not, he was my son. And so are you. I loved you both, and I loved your father. Still do, really, even if he is a bit of an arse." She laughed bitterly, rubbing her hands over her face. "Merlin. Anyway, we had this life together. When it happened again, I was unwilling to give it up. By the time I felt stronger, more capable of walking away, we were already in too deep. Divorce is messy. I didn't want you kids to be caught up in our drama. I also loved him too much to give him up. I knew he could never really have a life with Snape…That he would never leave me. I knew he loved me. Snape was his weakness. Stupidly, I believed it would go away. When it didn't, I hated him so much for it. But I couldn't just leave him. Not when Snape would do nothing but hurt him. Not when we had children and a life to think about. It all seems a bit silly, I'm sure. Sometimes I wish I had left all those years ago. And, really, it doesn't happen often." Ginny cringed, as though realizing how stupid she sounded. No woman should stay with a man who cheated on her, regardless. "It's been so long since he last did, anyway. No use in running off now. If he ever did again, I might, but…Well, no point in thinking of that, eh?"

She seemed a bit flustered, eyebrows scrunched together, as though trying to determine if her words had come out the way she wanted them to. Not everyone explained themselves very well, but Albus thought he understood. It was a lot like Hermione had told him. Only this made a bit more sense to him. Ginny was too strong of a woman to stay with a cheater, no matter who he was or how she felt about him. But, considering the time period and what everyone was going through, the beginning of it was easier to comprehend. Why she didn't leave later on he still wasn't sure about. He was almost tempted to tell her about Harry and Snape's Christmas holidays kiss, but bit his tongue to avoid doing so. There was no use in bringing that up now. It was a nasty trick, really. They were all dealing with enough without that on top of it.

"So…the lie?" Albus prompted after a few minutes of mulling the information over in his mind.

"That was a bit selfish on all our ends," Ginny confessed apologetically. "Snape liked his life, didn't want it disrupted, so he told us to pass James off as my child. Then Harry got so mad at him he didn't even want James associated with him anyway. Then me…Well, it was a way to keep my family together. I always had wanted children, even if he wasn't of my own blood. I thought it was silly to lie to you both, but the first time I saw James, I wasn't willing to give him up. Harry and I had our ideas of the perfect little life we could have together. Keeping it all a secret was a way of getting and keeping us there. Eventually, we realized it wasn't fair but, by then, it was too late. Telling the truth would have caused so much…Well, you see what things are like now that the truth is out."

He let this soak in. At least she admitted it was wrong and didn't try to make it sound like it was for their own good. Still, knowing it was based on the selfish reasons of three people irritated him.

Yet, what if lying had been the best option? What would his life have been like if he had grown up knowing the truth? Snape was a cold man. While they enjoyed his company as their godfather, would they really have cared so much for him if he had been their father? Then they had to take into account the public scrutiny. They already got so much attention for being the children of Harry Potter. If the scandal of a gay affair with his ex-professor had come out, an affair that produced two children, surely it would have been much worse. Then Snape would have had to come out of hiding. How different would things be if Severus Snape were alive and well? Would people still hail him as a hero or condemn him as a Death Eater all over again?

There were too many factors to consider. Stubbornly, he refused to let it be okay. He had been lied to his whole life. But, maybe, just maybe, it wasn't quite as bad as he and James were making it seem.

"Al?" Ginny said after fifteen minutes.

"You shouldn't have lied," Albus said quietly.

"I know," she frowned.

"You still love dad, then?"

"Very much so."

"And me and James?"

"More than anything. Like you're my own flesh and blood," she swore. Her bright brown eyes pleaded with him to believe her, the sincerity of her words loud and clear. Even if she did love Lily more, she at least did love James and Albus, too.

"And Dad loves Snape?" Albus asked. He already knew the answer to that question, but wondered if Ginny did.

She was quiet a moment, bitterness sweeping across her face as her posture stiffened. "Yes. Yes, he does."

Albus nodded slowly, feeling badly for his mother. To know your husband was in love with someone else…What must that be like? "And he loves you, too?"

Ginny smiled. "I believe so, yes."

"And does Snape love Dad?"

She snorted. "I'm not sure he knows how to love anyone."

A deep breath kept him from snapping at her. She had every right not to like Snape. But he couldn't help being irritated that she believed him so stone-hearted. That was the sort of persona he liked to portray, yes, but his confrontation with the man, if you could call it that, led him to believe that he could love. He had been trying to tell Albus then that he loved his sons. And that night, turning Christmas holidays, Albus knew that even if Snape didn't really love them, that he loved Harry Potter. There wasn't a doubt in his mind concerning their feelings for one another.

Remembering that made it just a little bit harder to hate them.

What must it be like for them? Having to hide their feelings? To deny themselves what they wanted most? How could you love someone that much, torture yourself with their presence, and never really have them the way you wanted them? Albus shuddered at the thought, glaring out of his window.

Ginny must have sensed his displeasure over her words. With pursed lips she considered him for a long time before reluctantly saying, "Why don't you talk to them?"

"Hmm?"

"Your father…Fathers," she said. "I've told you my side of things. Maybe you need to get theirs, too."

Hermione had suggested he hear them out, give them a chance. Albus hadn't actively sought them out. He hadn't been as cold as before, or as wildly furious as James, but he also hadn't been quite as open as he thought he might be. Maybe he should go looking for answers instead. The sooner they aired all of their secrets, all of their feelings, the sooner they could get on with life and…

And what? Things couldn't exactly return to normal after this.

He frowned. Things could be very different. Or maybe they'd be the same. Who knew? They were going to have to move past it eventually, though.

"I think I will," he agreed finally. "Thanks. For…Well, for telling me everything."

"You don't need to thank me," she said, watching him uncertainly a moment before standing.

He hesitated before speaking, at first not sure it was right to say so, but then wondering why on earth it wouldn't be. "I love you, Mum."

The surprise on her face pleased him at first, until he realized how sad it was that she had to be surprised by such a statement at all.

"I love you, too, Al. Always have, always will," she promised. Originally she had turned in the direction of the door, but now she turned back to walk over to him, pressing a kiss to his head. Ginny lingered there a moment, ruffling his hair before giving him a soft smile then turning to walk out of the room.

Harry was actually home, available to talk, but Albus wasn't ready to approach him just yet. While he would speak with Harry and Snape eventually, he first wanted to let everything his mother had said settle in first. Really, after all of that his brain was too exhausted to deal with anymore of the subject. Maybe he would deal better with Rose's family drama. Sighing, he picked up her letter again, finding his place, becoming absorbed in her troubles, letting his own temporarily fade away.

Paperwork needed to be done, but Harry Potter was in no state of mind to do any of it. As Head of the Auror Department, he had many responsibilities, though it was also somewhat easier to skive off it all. Like the head before him, he could shove everything he didn't want to do onto some lesser employee, but that hardly seemed fair. Maybe Ron would if he begged him nicely enough, explaining that he and Ginny were facing some marital issues. Best not to explain what those issues were, lest Ginny already told him. Ron had been none too pleased to discover that his best friend had cheated on his sister. Had he not been pregnant at the time, Ron might have hexed off his manly bits. As it was, he still tried to, only the reminder of his condition and restraints in the form of Ginny and Hermione held him back.

It could wait until later, he thought, as he flew over the trees in his backyard. If he could settle his brain down enough, paperwork might prove a good distraction. The only problem now was that he couldn't distract himself with it. Flying, as relaxing as it normally was, wasn't doing anything for him, either. It only managed to get him out of the house, away from the hateful, accusatory stares of his wife and sons. Lily didn't seem to hate him as much as they did, but she had disappeared when he walked into her room this morning with every intention of taking her out shopping or flying or anything else she might want to do on a daddy-daughter date. They hadn't had one of those in years, and today seemed like a great time to pick up that tradition again.

He was lonely. Truthfully, he had brought it upon himself. He knew it. That didn't make it any easier to swallow. With Ginny he had created this perfect life, the one he had always dreamed of as a child. They had been a close family, just as the Weasleys had always been. Even with the rebellious 'I can't stand to be seen with my family' stages all of the children had gone through, they stuck together. They had always visited Snape together once a week and the Burrow as often as possible. There were many family outings, visits to family friends, visits from friends. When the kids were home, they always spent a lot of time together. Quidditch with James, chess with Albus, card games with Lily, family dinners, familycooking, always a disaster and s great fun, nights spent curled up in the living room together in front of the fireplace with warm mugs of hot chocolate, sharing jokes and stories. Even when it was just Ginny and him, they did a lot together. Even with work keeping them busy, they made time for each other. Romantic dates or even just cuddling in the living room for an hour or two before bed if they were too exhausted for the former. Ginny wasn't just his wife, she was his best friend and he loved her.

Rarely did he face something such as this, having most of his family angry with him. Actually, he had never faced being the target of anger from most of his family. Most of the time, it was only one person, such as fights with Ginny or when he revoked permission for James to go to Hogsmeade one awful summer as punishment for bad behavior. There was even a week when Lily refused to talk to him for not letting her to go a concert with her friends. Never had anyone been this mad at him, or had a real reason to be. It was easier to ignore when it was for silly reasons, or wasn't his fault. But this? This he deserved.

With a heavy heart, Harry finally landed his broom. Flying wasn't helping. In fact, it was giving him entirely too much time to think, something that was making it worse. Stepping into the house to put his broom away, he caught sight of Ginny as she walked downstairs. She looked to be in a slightly better mood to his surprise, but the moment her eyes landed on him, she gave him the dirtiest look before stomping off. His face fell, heart dropping into his churning stomach. Well, he had successfully killed whatever peace Ginny had managed to find. Just great.

He couldn't stay here. How could he stand remaining in such a tense atmosphere? With all he had done, he didn't deserve a reprieve, the snide voice in his head barked. But his body didn't listen, his legs carrying him outside where he Apparated into the Leaky Cauldron. From there he found his usual Snape-visiting car, head abuzz with internal war as he sped off towards the man's house. Snape didn't hate him. He had every reason to, especially considering how their last meeting had gone. But, surely, the man would let him in, comfort him even when he didn't deserve it. Maybe he would kiss the man. Merlin, how he wanted to! Shagging was another good idea, wasn't it?

Hadn't he done enough to his family?

But he needed it! Merlin, he felt so awful. Ever since it had all come out, he had done nothing but think about everything, forced to face the mistakes of the past, despising the universe for not giving him a way to fix them now. He needed to get his mind off of things and this was the only thing that would do the trick for sure.

It wasn't fair to Snape, to use him that way.

But it wasn't just using the man. Harry loved him. Wanted him. This was just a good reason to give into the desires that had been plaguing him for years. If only they knew how much he yearned for the man's touch. Could they understand how insane it drove him to not give in? Were they aware of how close he had come so many times over these past few years?

What did it matter now? They all hated him anyway. Why not? It wasn't like Snape wouldn't enjoy the chance to have him again. Even if he did have other ways of getting off, viaEgan Duff. He cringed in disgust and envy at the thought of the man's name. Harry didn't know him, but there was no way Egan Duff was any match for him!

His thoughts were insane and chaotic at best for most of the drive, though the closer he got to Snape's house, the calmer he became. Maybe he could do this. He could walk in there and…Oh, hell, he didn't know what he was going to say or do. He only knew that no matter what happened, he needed to be with Snape right now. The grip he had on the steering wheel tightened as his arms trembled, his pulse racing faster the closer he got. It had been days since he last saw Snape. For a while, he was sure it would have been the last time. Without realizing it he pushed his car faster, having to slam on his breaks in order to turn into the driveway.

In his excitement, unbuckling was a struggle. Growling with frustration, he finally managed to undo the buckle, throwing the strap aside as he shoved open the door. They would drink. Maybe they'd fight a bit, but Snape would make it all better. They could cook, talk, insult each other, play chess, or even kiss and maybe shag, depending on where his mind settled. All of his boundaries regarding their relationship had temporarily dissolved, and he would make the most of the situation. Guilt would follow eventually, but home life had become too unbearable for that to bother him just now.

Before he had taken two steps from his car, the front door opened for Teddy and Lily to walk out. Harry stopped dead in his tracks, all of his hopes and plans seeming to go down the drain at the sight of them. How was he going to explain this? It wasn't as if they knew he had come here for something particular, though maybe with everything they knew him being here wasn't quite as alright as it used to be. There was nowhere to hide, really. Even if he could cast an invisibility spell upon himself and his car, that didn't mean he could do so quickly enough to avoid being seen.

Teddy, with his orange and black tiger-striped hair, spotted him first, grinning and waving as he nudged Lily. His daughter brightened upon seeing him, the warmth of it easing the dread he felt. His eyes flickered to the house, noticing a sliver of black in the window before the curtains fell into place, then back to the pair heading towards him.

"Daddy!" Lily exclaimed, running the last few feet to him. Even at thirteen, she threw her arms around him without fear of embarrassment as she had done when she was younger. Last year she had barely wanted to acknowledge his presence. As surprising as it was, he was glad that phase had ended quickly. "What are you doing here?"

"I…uhh…thought I'd check up on you…You didn't say anything before you left," he lied, hoping the story would make sense. If she had told Ginny where she was going, then…Well, he could always excuse that her mother was still barely talking to him.

"Oh, sorry," she giggled, blushing. "But how did…"

"Umm…I owled them before we left," Teddy said. He had never been a very good liar, and Harry cringed at the poor attempt. Lily shot him a dubious look still confused, before it all seemed to come to her. Harry frowned, but she said nothing on the subject.

"D'you want to say hi to Snape?" Lily asked. "He said he needed to get work done, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind being bugged again." She giggled, though the knowing look in her eyes seemed to shout, "He wouldn't mind you paying him a visit."

He wasn't sure how he felt about that, his daughter knowing such things. Heat seared his face as he glanced longingly towards the house. The glance wasn't long enough to really see anything on the window, but he could feel those eyes watching him.

"Actually, I wanted to spend the day with you two, if that's alright," he said.

"Sounds fun!" Lily chirped.

"S'not like I see you two near enough these days," Teddy grinned.

"And whose fault is that?" Harry teased.

"Yeah, well," Teddy chuckled. "With Vic and work…"

"Oh, we get it, Ted," Harry assured him.

"Well Vic could always come with you," Lily said exasperatedly. "She's family too, you know!"

"So, where to?" Harry asked as they reached his car, chancing another look to the window as Lily and Teddy fought over the front seat. Snape stood between the curtains, moving as though to leave, yet he ended up remaining, looking him right in the eye. Above the pain, anger, and longing there was understanding. More than there, there was a message he read loud and clear in his heart, though his brain could hardly make sense of it at all. Snape got it. He had always been a smart man. He loved him. He was missed, always welcome, and many other things that made it so hard to situate himself in the car. Above all else he wanted to storm into that house, take Snape into his arms, kiss him then tell him over and over how much he loved him.

But he had his family to take care of. Teddy and Lily were here, more than happy to be with him, and that would be enough. They didn't hate him. And, no matter how grim things seemed right now, everything with his family would turn out fine. Even if things did end with estrangement, divorce, and a custody battle, he owed it to Ginny as well as to his children to see them through to that point before running off into Snape's arms.

Harry had been denying himself those desperate urges for so long. He could continue to do so for his family. Besides, a day with Lily and Teddy was probably a better cure than Snape's bed. The relationship he had with Snape was just as fragile as the state of his family. He had hurt the man the last day they had together. If he had gone in today, it was just as likely to go horribly as it was to go well. With his children, there was nothing to weigh down on his heart or his mind. They would laugh, have a great time, and for a while he could forget.

"Earth to Dad!" giggled Lily.

"What?" Harry asked distractedly.

"We want to go to the Muggle cinema. Please? And then the Quick Quaffle, maybe, for supper?" Lily asked.

"Sounds great," Harry said, dragging his eyes away from Snape as he pulled out of the driveway. "What do you want to see?"

Halfway to the theater, as Lily and Teddy continued to argue over whose movie choice was best, the three laughing so hard it hurt, Harry felt he had made the right choice. But there was a part of him, a very small part, that remained with him even as he slid into bed that night that regretted not going to Snape.

Author's Note: Finally back guys! If you're on my FB you'll already know, but I have had a lot of issues with writing from being busy to distractions to writer's block and all of that! Anyway, I hope you like it! It's been a while since I've written so I'm not sure how good it is!

Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed! And another big thanks to my wonderful beta Dani for fixing this chapter up!

The chapter title is from lyrics of the song "Always" by Saliva.
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The Best Kept Secrets