Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I just wanted to ask	By : evil-minded Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 31281 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 11
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character from it, Rowling does … I do not make any money out of Harry Potter either, again – Rowling does … I however do own Herbaceous VanHarkins – but I don’t make money of him also … :D …

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Author's Notes:

Uhm … ok … I have to admit … English is not my language by birth … so … please do not kill me while reading … neither for the bad English I use, nor for what I am writing …

And yes, I really would appreciate it, if you would honor my work with a short review as I always will honor your comments with an answer … Answers to reviews you have given or the chance to discuss the story you can find here: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/34437-review-replies-for-i-just-wanted-to-ask/

Warning:

Story contains references to child abuse:

Child abuse is a really serious thing, it is an evil thing and there are a lot of children in our world that really would need help without being helped, and closing our eyes and pretending it does not exist – is no solution … handle people, children as well as adults, which are showing any signs – whichever – of once being abused … with understanding and with help …

what does not mean I am not as evil as I pretend to be … ^.~ … believe me – I am …

Story contains adult stuff:

Especially sex between two men … as there is Harry Potter – a male – having sex with Severus Snape – another male … what means those gay things … not to mention that the relationship between the two of them is one based on BDSM …

Don't like it, don't read it …

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

Previously in I just wanted to ask

"Well. Do you practice … well … this kind of … well … do you practice … BDSM?" The teenager asked and Severus nearly chuckled. This boy really could be slow sometimes.

"Did you not realize it yet, Mr. Potter?"

I just wanted to ask

Chapter five

Giving in to the heart

Severus Snape paced his office – since more than just one hour now – running a small path into the stony floor – running a long fingered hand over his face from time to time – well, he definitely was frustrated to no end.

The evening before he had thought of his old Master and this thought automatically had led to another one. He was a Master himself now, and not only a Potions Master. He had been searching for years now for a student talented enough in potions to hand down his knowledge, which he could take as an apprentice. But the only two so far had been Draco and Granger. And Draco was too much a spoiled child without the responsibility that was needed when working with dangerous potions, and Granger was too much related on her books, she never would be able to initiate a potion by her own.

The Weasley twins surely would have been a good choice too – but one, he was not stupid enough to take two trouble makers as they were as apprentices, and two, they were not at Hogwarts anymore, they had left school early because of Umbridge last year.

But potions – was not the only knowledge he could hand down. And Harry was a student who wanted to know more. The boy was young and inexperienced, he was handsome and he was submissive. And he would be able to teach him …

But he did not want this. How could he want this? He loved his boundaries and he loved his solitude. He wanted to be left alone and he wanted to keep his privacy.

And at the same time he knew that Harry would be the perfect person. He knew that it would be only logically to pass his knowledge down to that particular boy. They would be able to share his knowledge and his experiences, and maybe one day, when he was dead, the brat would be able to hand down this very knowledge to another young man who …

It took him several seconds before he realized what had happened just now. He had automatically assumed that his relationship with Harry – whatever kind of relationship that might be – would continue – maybe even for years.

And this very thought had not even disturbed him yet.

Placing his hands onto the backrest of one of the armchairs the Potions Master felt the world shift slightly as he experienced a moment of knowledge, a moment of foresight and he cursed. That was rubbish. He wasn't a seer. It was only his fears that played a cruel joke on him and nothing more. But at the same time he somehow knew that it would come true.

He dropped his head into his hands with a low groan of frustration, knowing that he was too far in trouble to safe himself.

The soft knock on his office door, the one he immediately recognized as Harry's, made him straighten up and giving away a soft "enter" and the teenager opened the door, entered his office and Severus stared at the boy for a long moment until he felt Harry shift nervously from foot to foot and he pulled himself together.

"Sit." He said, pointing at the armchair the boy had occupied during the past evenings. But as soon as Harry had taken his seat Snape found himself at a loss as to how to proceed and he continued to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace for a few minutes, stopping only when he heard a soft and unsure "sir?" coming from the teenager and when he turned to watch the boy, Potter shrunk back in his chair.

He cast a long look at the teenager and he noticed that even if Potter maintained a strong mask of indifference, his body language spoke volumes to him as he watched the teen shrink further back into the armchair where he was seated.

'This boy is a walking contradiction.' He couldn't help thinking.

Pulling himself together he seated himself into the other armchair opposite the boy and sighed.

"We have covered bondage and discipline yesterday." He so suddenly started that Potter gave away a slight flinch. "I wish to continue today with the next set of terms, with dominance and submission. It is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and acceptance of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic context. It explores the more mental aspect of BDSM. The range of its individual characteristics is therefore wide."

"Uhm … what means?" Harry asked, blinking confused. This at least didn't sound as frightening and as alarming as the things with bondage and discipline and he was relieved somehow. He could deal with this.

"Well, examples of mentally orientated practices are education games, during which the dominant requires certain forms of behavior from his submissive." The Potions Master explained. "Or the most established form – and the probably most cliché set – of dominance and submission is dominance and slavedom."

Ok, here they were and Harry shivered. Slavedom. That didn't sound too good either.

"That doesn't sound really appealing." He murmured. "I would not want to be a slave."

"Neither is it a kind of slavedom you now might imagine, Mr. Potter." Snape said, lifting his hand to stop the boy from going on with this line of thoughts. "It does not have anything to do with really being a slave. Nor is it for twenty-four hours a day. It rather is administrated for the short duration of a session among otherwise emancipated partners. Of course it also can be integrated into everyday life indefinitely. In a few relationships, it leads as far as total submission of one partner in the truest sense of the phrase total power exchange. A dangerous kind of relationship, as one individual will be under the total power of another."

"That doesn't sound too good." Harry said, shivering again and Severus lowered his head to one side while he watched the teenager close. Was the boy just startled? Was he cold? He had lit the fire an hour before the boy had come down to his office, knowing that even during the relatively warm weeks of September and October the dungeons were cold in the evening hours already.

The boy was pale, paler than the days before and somehow he seemed to be unwell today.

"Correct." He said. "The danger of losing the perspective is too high a risk in my opinion. Compensating elements of the dominance and submission – never mind which kind of dominance and submission – are care and devotion, they balance one another and thus make stable relationships possible. Nevertheless I prefer such for only the duration of the actual session and not for twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week."

"You would like to really … well … play … such a role? Sir?" Harry asked, watching him unsurely. "I mean, well … you said that it … that the participants played roles … I mean, you said it is a role-play."

"That is correct, Mr. Potter." Severus said. "It is a role-play during which the participants play out their fantasies. It has nothing to do with all-day life. Yet – let me assure you, that never I would play the submissive part."

"That fits." Harry murmured. "But why would anyone want to play a slave? Sir?" He then asked.

"Well, there actually are a lot whose fantasy goes into this direction – what leads us to the next set of terms, to sadism and masochism."

The teenager sitting in front of him gulped nervously and Snape couldn't help smirking. "The term sadomasochism is derived from the words sadism and masochism. In the context of consensual sexual activities, sadism and masochism are not strictly accurate terms. Sadism just describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain, degradation, or humiliation on another person. On the other hand, the masochist enjoys being bound, spanked or suffering within the consensual scenario."

"Uhm … why has this all to be so … so … so horrifying somehow? So cruel?" Harry asked and he blinked tiredly at the Potions Master. He hadn't slept well the past two nights and meanwhile he felt the tiredness as clearly as if he were back at Privet Drive.

"Sadism does not automatically imply causing real pain, Mr. Potter." Snape explained. "Just an example, I definitely enjoy it seeing you squirm in order to find an answer you are able to actually vocalize. Nevertheless I never would enjoy it to cause real pain to you. And masochism on the other hand does not imply enjoyment through receiving pain in other situations than sexual ones like accidental injury, real punishments or similar occasions."

"But it … it doesn't change the fact that it still is punishment and that it still is …" Harry stopped, a desperate look on his face and Snape lifted his eyebrow.

"That it still is what?" Snape asked.

"That … I don't know … you said it wasn't a … well … a beating." The boy choked out and Snape narrowed his eyes, wondering why the boy was so afraid of the thought. "That there was a difference between … between a … beating and … well, a … a caning. But it still is the same. It still is … it is not right. No one should … no one should beat another one."

"You are right, Mr. Potter." Severus said, his voice quiet and very serious now and his dark eyes fixed him with a nearly kind and warm gaze. "No one should beat another living being. To beat someone, especially someone who is defenseless like children for example or women, or any kind of younger and smaller persons, is the lowest of the low and it is called abuse. It is a crime and it is not right to do so. But neither is the submissive part in a BDSM relationship forced to take a punishment like a caning as I already told you, it is consensual and the frame of the actual game is arranged beforehand by all involved individuals and the submissive part always can make use of his – or her – safe word, nor is a caning during a sexual game carried out with all force but carefully, compared to what the submissive part is able to take while still feeling pleasure. What is the exact reason as to why I said it is an art that has to be learned in order to avoid real pain that quickly could turn the pleasure into an unpleasant feeling and thus would drive the recipient into an emotional breakdown – and in order to avoid real injuries. It is far away from a beating you now might imagine."

"But … if it is so complicated …" Harry began, his voice still low and unsure. "Then why doing it in the first place?"

"Because it is a game with senses and because it is a game with emotions." Severus answered. "And this kind of game is freeing endorphins and thus is – simply stimulating. It carries you into an entire different world, into a world that is compared to nothing else existent in this universe."

Running his hand over his face he watched the teenager in front of him for another few moments, carefully and thoughtfully, and again the thought from earlier came to his mind.

The brat was clenching his hands together in a tight knot, a nervous habit he soon had learned during the past few evenings that the boy did unconsciously, not noticing it by himself and for a moment he just sat there and stared, trying desperately to block out what he was feeling, what he was thinking and for a moment he began to recite potions ingredients in his mind. Yet – it didn't work and the thoughts burst forwards, unwanted.

The boy is the perfect person to act as my submissive.

The boy is handsome and small, slender and light.

The boy's two hands fit into one of mine.

The boy is submissive and inexperienced.

Severus sighed defeated.

"Do you trust me, Mr. Potter?" He asked.

"Of course, sir." Harry answered, blinking at him in confusion. Snape had asked him this very question the day before, before he had …

"Why?" Was all Snape asked, fixing him with his sternest gaze he could muster.

"Well, dunno." The boy answered. "Because you are the only one that never lied to me. My friends, and even the headmaster, they all pretend they care, but they do not really care. They … well, Ron and Hermione only want me because of my fame. They can achieve anything if their friend is … well … Harry Potter … and for the headmaster I'm nothing more than a weapon on the war. You however, you never lied to me. You always showed the hate towards me you felt. And you never pretended you would care. You always made clear that you don't care."

This time it was Snape who nearly blinked at him – dumbfounded. The boy trusted him because he had displayed his hate for him openly? That was the most stupid answer he ever got, yet – it made perfectly sense and he nodded.

"Do you trust me, that I never would hurt you intentionally?" He asked further.

"Of course, sir." Came the answer from the teenager.

"Why?" Snape asked again.

"Because you already saved my neck a few times." Harry said. "Even if you hate me, you have been the one who always kept me safe. And it is one thing to keep someone safe you love, but is another thing keeping someone safe you hate."

Again Snape nearly blinked in shock, had a hard time to keep his indifferent mask in place. That answer was – unexpected. Not only did the boy acknowledge that he had saved his back more than once but he also acknowledged that he had done so even if he hated him. He had not considered the boy really acknowledging that he had saved his sorry behind even if he hated him. Well – just that he had discovered – he never really had hated the brat. He merely had hated the fact that he was the perfect image of his father he had hated. He might have disliked him, but hated? No, not really.

"Do you trust me that I know what I am doing?" He wanted to know.

"Yes, sir." Harry answered and as he seemed to know that the 'why?' would come, he continued by his own. "Because you are a spy. You have to know what you are doing. And because you are not easily excited or such kind of things. You are a severe man and you think things through. You use your common sense instead of your feelings."

A third time Snape had to keep himself from blinking in near shock. The answers Harry had given him actually proved his intelligence. He hadn't expected such serious answers from the boy.

"Listen, Professor." Harry took a deep breath. "I know you hate me to no end. And I know that your view of me is as low as it possibly can be. But I also know that you take your responsibilities serious. And I know that you are not the Death Eater that so many of the others are seeing in you. I know that you are intelligent and reasonable, and I would trust you blindly with my life if it would be necessary." Shrugging his shoulders he averted his eyes.

Still Snape looked at the blasted brat in front of him and for a moment he had to fight hard to keep his emotions under control and from showing on his face.

This boy trusted him. This boy whom he had tortured during the past five years trusted him. Him!

He was Severus Snape. And he surely was anything else than a trustworthy man. No one, absolutely no one besides of Albus and maybe Minerva ever had trusted him.

But this boy did. This damn brat did trust him!

"First, Mr. Potter," he finally began, "you are under a misconception that I wish to correct. I do not hate you. And actually I never hated you, Mr. Potter. It was merely dislike I felt. Yet - I did not even dislike you, but that what you personate. Namely James Potter's son, the son of my childhood enemy. But as you already fund out by yourself, we are able to have a conversation that is quite civil, and no, Mr. Potter, I do not dislike that what you represent anymore." For a moment Snape pinched the bridge of his nose before he continued. "To be honest, I have seen that you are not your father but a person by yourself and I even enjoy our conversations, otherwise I would not have this particular conversation with you just now."

This time it was Potter who looked up at him in shock as if to say "surely I haven't heard rightly".

"Second, Mr. Potter," Snape continued, "we will hope that it never will happen that your life depends on anyone. But if it might be one day, then let us hope that it will be me, as yes, I would do everything in my power to keep you alive. And safe."

Again he paused, watched the teenager in front of him, wondering if he really was ready to do this, if he really wanted to take this step with the teenager. The boy was sixteen, for heaven's sake. He still was a child. In some ways at least.

"And third, Mr. Potter, I do care." He said, his voice low now and serious, his dark eyes piercing Harry as if he would look into his soul – or into his mind. "I might not have shown it in the past, and maybe I did not even recognize it by myself earlier, but I do care. I know that I have a reputation as a careless bastard, but contrary to common believe there are a few people I actually do care about."

Well – in a year Potter would be an adult in the wizarding world. And a lot of wizards bonded a year before they came of age. And not even the difference in age meant a lot as it was quite common in the wizarding world that one partner was much older than the other one. Especially if it came to pairs the same gender. And honestly, if watching Albus, with his one-hundred and forty-eight years, it wouldn't make such a difference if his partner would be one-hundred and twenty-eight.

And yes, Harry would be perfect. The boy was not only intelligent. He was handsome, he was desirable and he was a submissive, he was smaller than him, than most of his classmates and probably never would grow taller than he was. He would be the perfect partner to him. But was he really ready for such? And more important, was the boy ready?

Finally Severus nodded slowly. "I have told you that trust is very important when it comes to BDSM. To every kind of relationship. Trust, honesty and communication. And I want you to be really honest now, Mr. Potter, not only towards me, but towards yourself either. Are you interested in only the theoretical education concerning sex – and BDSM especially, as it seems? Or would you consider a practical education as well? To enter a relationship with someone who is experienced in this kind of sexual interaction?"

Potter lifted his head and looked at him, startled, his eyes wide and he gasped for a moment, then blinked at him. He didn't give an answer for a long time and Snape waited patiently, watching the teenager close.

"I don't know someone who actually would … well …" He began and Snape sighed. They were back to stammering.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked, lifting his eyebrow at the boy. Potter really needed to learn voicing such things that concerned sexuality.

"Well." The teenager took a deep breath, his face even more pale than it already had been before. "There surely is no one who actually would want to have me." Harry finally said, in a tone that made clear that he really believed it and that he clearly was uncomfortable admitting it. Snape frowned.

"Actually, there is someone, Mr. Potter." He carefully said, narrowing his eyes at the teenager in front of him.

The boy looked back up at him, his eyes wide. "But … who … surely there … I don't know … no, there surely isn't …"

"There is. Don't you know whom I mean, Mr. Potter?" Severus asked, not ready yet to admit that he meant himself and risking being laughed at.

But then – he had felt the shift. And somehow he already knew the boy's answer. What had been the reason as to why he had asked this question in the first place. Otherwise he never would have done so. Absolutely never!

"I'm not sure." Harry whispered, not sure if he could dare asking Snape if the man meant himself, not even sure if he would want this. "You surely can't mean … well, you said someone a few years older than me. And the seventh years surely are out of question then. They are just one year older. But otherwise there are only adults here."

"In a year you will be an adult, Mr. Potter." Snape said in a low voice, his gaze serious.

"So you only can think of a teacher." Harry said, but then sighing he bent forwards, leaning his arms onto the table and his head onto his arms. "And as there is no one besides of you with whom I had this conversation … but well … you surely wouldn't want me … so where's the point in your question, sir?"

Even as the boy murmured through his arms Snape could hear the fear and the misery in the teenager's voice.

"This only can be a joke. And it is a cruel joke as there is no one with common sense who actually would want me." The boy choked out.

Narrowing his eyes for a moment Snape left his armchair and walked over to the hunched over teenager that clearly was close to tears now and sat onto the edge of the table, grasping the boy's shoulders and forced him up so he had to look at him.

"I would not have suggested it, if I would not want doing this, Mr. Potter." He said, his voice serious and his gaze fixed at the brat. "I would not have suggested it, if I would not want to have you, Mr. Potter. I might not be a kind man, nor might I be a friendly man. I am difficult, I have a temper and I can be right out nasty. But you already do know this. However, I never would hurt you and I would care for you. I already do. It is your choice. But know that I do not share. If you chose a relationship with me, I won't share you with any other one."

"But …" Harry whispered roughly between sobs. "But you cannot be serious, sir. You are a teacher, and even if you don't hate me anymore, you hated me for so long and you made clear that I am low in your opinion."

Snape sighed heavily and he closed his eyes for a moment before he lifted his hand to brush a tear from the boy's pale face.

"I merely said this to hurt you because I disliked you, Harry, or thought I disliked you. But in fact, I do not think low of you." Snape whispered back, not sure if he did the right thing. What if Harry didn't want him? He was an old man. And he was the boy's teacher. And he wasn't handsome either. What if he made a fool out of himself?

"But you should!" The boy suddenly sobbed, bending forwards again, forcefully, as if to fold himself into half and burying his face in his arms. "I'm stupid, and I'm weak, and I'm silly and I'm ugly, and clumsy and scrawny and bad and evil and … and … a freak … and … and …"

Snape blinked at the teenager in front of him, not even able to stop the boy before he ran out of words to insult himself with. What in Merlin's name …

Growling in anger he forced the boy up by his shoulders again and placed his fingers under the teenager's chin, forcing his head up.

"Stop this nonsense this instant, Mr. Potter and look at me!" He commanded in his sternest voice. "You are none of all this nonsense you just insulted yourself with. Actually you are intelligent and you are handsome. And the fact that you are unaware of this makes you just the more desirable. I would be a fool if I wouldn't want you. You surely are not evil and you are not stupid, you are not ugly and you are not weak. So stop accusing yourself of such."

"You just say this." Harry continued to sob. "No one would want me. And everyone always said I'm stupid and weak and bad and …"

"Have you ever known me telling lies to spare someone's feelings?" Snape asked to keep the brat from insulting himself further again.

The teenager snorted in a half laugh through his tears and shook his head before his face became miserable again.

"Well, Potter, then you will have to believe me when I inform you that you actually are worth my care." Snape growled darkly, pulling the teenager against his chest, feeling the slender form in his arms that fit perfectly there and somehow he knew that it was right, that it was what had to be, knowing that fate had just unfold itself.

"You may be impatient and you may be foolhardy." The Potions Master continued, running his hand over thin shoulders and he growled at how thin the boy was before he again placed a hand under the brat's chin to lift his face so Potter had to look into his eyes. "And you may drive me to madness with your potions work, but you are not bad Potter and you are worth my care. You are worth my attention. The more important question for me is – would you want to have an old and grumpy man who can be right-out nasty and difficult?"

Snape hadn't finished his question completely when Harry already had turned his face into the man's robes and sobbed even more. But this time his tears were not the harsh sobs of the frustration the boy had felt, nor those of his anger or fear. This time they were the quiet sobs of a child's grief and pain and the Potions Master somehow knew that the boy didn't believe a word he just had said and he was at a loss.

Snape wasn't sure what he should do. He wasn't sure what was wrong. And he wasn't sure if he should take it as a good sign or as a bad one. He knew the boy had an emotional breakdown, but he didn't know why.

Of course the teenager had just released all his insecurities by insulting himself in the most evil way possible. And he had witnessed it. Thus – well, yes, of course he knew the reason. But he didn't know why it affected the boy so much that he sobbed uncontrollably in his arms, he didn't know why the boy felt such incredible emotionally pain to begin with, and he didn't know why the boy was so insecure and felt so low of himself in the first place.

So, without any other idea left he just stroke his hand up and down the teenager's back, not trying to calm him, just trying to comfort him somehow. If the boy felt such incredible grief and pain, then maybe he should allow him to just release what was hidden there behind this mask he so often had mistaken for arrogance.

"Sorry." The teenager finally murmured between his sobs. "I'm sorry, sir."

"There is no need to be." Snape said, holding the brat at arm length away from him to look into the young face. "Sometimes it is necessary to release what emotions there are hidden."

"I never …" Harry blushed and looked aside, his hands clenched into each others in a tight knot again. "Normally I never do such. Crying like a baby."

"Just the more reason so." Snape growled. "Might I be correct in the assumption that you would not believe me if I told you that even adults sometimes have to cry? Like a baby, as you so eloquently put it?" Snape asked and there was nothing of his usual sneer in his face while he ran his thumb over the teenager's face in an attempt to dry away the tears.

"You just caught me by surprise." Harry mumbled and Severus shook his head. The boy hadn't listened to him.

"And I said it is quite alright to release what ever emotions are hidden there. So stop worrying." He said and while he dried the tears of the brat that was the son of his dead enemy he couldn't help but wonder how everything had changed so quickly – too quickly – so quickly and so completely he couldn't grasp it in his mind somehow.

"You didn't give me an answer to my earlier question yet, Mr. Potter." Snape said and for a moment worry threatened to choke him.

"What question, sir?" The brat actually asked, still between soft sobs and for a moment Snape wondered if he tried to make fun of him, if he had forgotten the question already in his upset state of mind or if he had grasped the questions at all. He didn't know if he should be hurt or patient.

"The question if you would want an old and grumpy man who could be quite nasty and difficult." Severus growled darkly.

"That is not a joke?" Harry asked, looking up into those deep, black eyes with a nearly begging gaze.

"Did I ever give away the impression of being a man who made jokes?" Severus asked sarcastically, but then he grew serious again. This teenager was not James Potter, nor was he any student with any kind of self-confidence. He was a teenager who rather lacked every bit of self-belief. "No, it is not a joke, Mr. Potter." He said.

"But I'm just a child." The brat said. "What could I give you?"

"I do not want to have anything from you besides of your trust and your loyalty." Snape said. "Nor do I expect you to grow into an adult overnight. You are a teenager and I am fully aware of what I get myself into."

There was a long pause in which the boy watched the Potions Master unsurely, fearful even, but then he slowly nodded, nearly shrinking into himself and away from him, as if he expected to be laughed at, to be punished, maybe even to be beaten upon his next words.

"I would. Yes." The boy murmured. "I just don't know if it is ok with you. And I don't know if I'll be able to live up to your expectances. I'm not sure if I …"

"I already told you, I do not expect of you to grow into an adult over night and I am fully aware of what I get myself into while going into a relationship with a teenager. I just want you to trust me and to know that I will not share you with anyone else. That is all I expect of you, trust and loyally."

"I can do that!" The brat answered and for the first time Snape saw something like hope flash in those green eyes. Maybe, well maybe he had made the right decision.

There was a small pause, then –

"Let us have a late dinner." The Potions Master growled at the childish outburst. Yet – it wasn't a dark growl and he felt as if he was whole suddenly, felt as if something that had been missing was back in place where it belonged to.

"I'm sure I can't stomach anything now." Harry murmured and Snape cast a long look at him.

"One should consider you being hungry, given that you are not eating since days but nibbling on a dry piece of toast during each dinner only." The older wizard lifted an eyebrow at the younger one, his arms folded in front of his chest.

"Wherefrom do you know that?" The teenager asked confused.

"One person has to keep an eye on you, Potter." Snape smirked. "Just to ensure you would not end up in trouble and get yourself killed by trolls, dragons or three headed dogs."

"Not to mention Voldie." The brat murmured and Snape shot him a serious glance.

"Do not joke with such, Harry." He sternly said. "A troll, a dragon and Hagrid's blasted three headed dog are harmless compared to the Dark Lord. I do not wish to lose what I just gained. So do not joke about this, Harry."

Harry lowered his gaze, not able to look into those dark eyes that watched him intensely. He wasn't sure yet if it was safe to do so, he wasn't sure yet if it was safe to believe the situation, to believe that Snape really would want him, that someone would want him. He wasn't sure if it wasn't just a dream. He wasn't even sure if this really was what he wanted. Well, yes – it definitely was what he wanted, because surely no one else would want him. But he surely wasn't sure if it was what Snape really wanted. And if Snape didn't want this and then would abandon him, then maybe it just was better if he didn't want this also. He wouldn't be too hurt this way, would he?

Sensing the teenager's thoughts the Potions Master placed his hand on his shoulders to reassure him before he refilled the cup that sat in front of Harry on the table.

"At least drink one more cup of tea before you go back to your tower." The Potions Master said and he added extra honey into the teen's cup, watching the boy sipping on the hot drink.

The boy really was too pale for his liking today. But then – maybe it just was the shock. One doesn't get asked by his teacher for a relationship every day, that much was sure and he knew that the brat must have been really shocked.

What he didn't understand was the reason as to why Harry was as unsure when it came to his own person as he had seen this evening. The things he had insulted himself with, somehow he knew that they had not been born in the boy's mind entirely by himself. They had been planted in there. And he was curious as to who had planted those ideas into the boy's mind.

Well, most likely his relatives and he remembered some memories he had seen during their occlumency lessons last year.

He would have a talk with the teen about them, but not now. Just now Potter would have to deal with the idea of being in a relationship with his teacher and he would have to find a way to deal with this new situation. It would be as difficult for the teen as it would be for himself, he was sure of this.

"This isn't a dream, right?" Harry suddenly asked. "I mean … you really will show me, you know, what it's supposed to be like?" Harry swallowed audibly. "What … what it is to be like to have someone who cares?"

Again Snape was momentarily speechless, just able to nod at the teenager. Harry really wanted him, cold, uncaring Snape, to do this. While he could have anyone on the planet. He still did not know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no words were forthcoming and he began to understand how the teenager felt in such a situation, unable to find words.

He placed his hands onto Harry's shoulders and locked his black eyes into the teenager's green ones for a moment before he pulled the boy close against his chest.

"Yes, I will." He finally whispered. "I just do not know how you could want such a cold and aged man like me."

"I don't know, but you're not cold." Harry whispered back, not able to say the words out loud but somehow knowing that it was the right thing, somehow knowing that this was what safety meant, suddenly understanding that the man really always had kept him safe. "I want to be with you. I feel … safe, when I'm with you. I feel … cared for. Please don't push me away."

"I shall keep you safe with my life." Snape whispered into Harry's ear, speaking the ancient words unconsciously, not realizing what exactly he caused with those words. "I shall protect you with my last breath I own. And I shall care for you with my last ounce of will. But I shall not share you with any other human being on this earth, neither man nor woman, nor will I ever betray the trust you placed into my hands."

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

To be continued

Next time in I just wanted to ask

Going deeper into the subject … and closing the eyes …

Added author's note

thank you for reading - and yes, I would appreciate it if you took the time to review this chapter, thank you …
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I just wanted to ask