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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

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Chapter 5:

I hate my life. I really, truly do!

Stumbling, almost pitching forward onto his face after Apparating into Riddle Manor, Severus vaguely wondered if that last firewhiskey he had downed had been too much. He was feeling mildly buzzed of course. Drinking half a bottle of the wicked strength booze did tend to do that to one. However, with what he knew was coming, he had indulged. There was no way he could face this sober!

Straightening his robes, he walked towards the main hall they used for meetings, trying not to weave. After all, it wouldn't do have Tom realize he was drunk. No, he would never live that down!

Striding in like normal, he went over and knelt before Tom as always then stood, once more trying not to fall on his face, before stepping to the side. Glancing around, he was pleased to see that it wasn't a full meeting, just some of the top ranking Death Eaters. Bella, as always, was seated by Tom's 'throne'. The bizarre one had Pettigrew, in his rat form, on her lap, cooing to him, making kissing noises. Already she had his fur turned a nauseating shade of neon purple and was dressing him in some kind of hideous doll clothes with bows on his ears and tail. Well, that was a good sign. At least she was occupied and wasn't apt to bother him!

Hearing his name called, Severus stepped forward then bowed, thankful he didn't pitch forward and land on his face. Trying to pay close attention, knowing something was going to be imparted that he was going to have to remember, he waited.

Looking at the Potions Master, Tom slid his glamour off. Draping one leg over the arm of his 'throne', an old, overstuffed, comfortable wing chair that was a soothing shade of baby blue and had swirling, shifting cottonball-like clouds on it, he twirled his wand between his fingers then said, “Severus, I have a job I need you to attend to.” Stopping, he gave a dismissive wave then said, “It's nothing to worry about and is oh so very easy!”

Pleased with that, Severus nodded then inquired, hoping his voice wasn't slurry, “What is that, my Lord?”

Rolling his eyes at the honorific that only Severus seemed to still use anymore, Tom huffed, “Tom! I keep telling you that, silly Severus!” Tsking, he shook his head then said, softly, “You're aware of what happened at the Ministry I'm sure.”

Looking decidedly amused at the memory of the show he had seen earlier, Severus nodded, “I am.” That—it would be something he took out and viewed in his Pensive many times in the future when he needed a sadistic chuckle!

“Very good!” Tom grinned. “Yes, it works out well for all of us! Lucius—well, he'll get with the program, we know this. Especially after the shock wears off. Oh, he'll enjoy it oh so very much! Potter and Black are who I'm worried about. They do seem rather off kilter about the whole thing,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Poor lads! They were taking it quite hard. When I left they were in a rather profound state of shock. Yes, they are having issues. Be that as it may—what I want from you is to pass messages from me to them and the other way 'round. Also, observe for me. Lucius will be filling them in on what is really going on. I want you to confirm the truth if they ask about it. Nothing more. That should be ever so easy I would think. No, it's not taxing. With Albus thinking you are his good little pet spy, it'll be something you can easily do for me.” Face taking on a serious cast, he then said, “There is one little nitpick I do have with you though, Severus!”

Eyes widening, wondering what he could have done, Severus asked, tone wary, trying to gauge if he should start hiding or shielding himself, “What's that?”

“You never told me just how deliciously yummy Harry is now! He's grown into such a lickable young man!” Tom squealed, grinning while rubbing his hands together. “If I had known I would have worked on this a whole other way! Oh yes, he is all rawr! I'm so jealous of Lucius!”

Trying not to groan and pinch the bridge of his nose, Severus intoned, “He's too young for you!”

“Well, yes,” Tom admitted with a defeated sigh, looking almost comically dejected. “One can dream though, can't they? Oh, he is so nice!”

Knowing when the Dark Lord was like this there was no reasoning with him, Severus nodded, saying nothing, though glaring at him, hoping that he moved along quickly.

Squealing again, rubbing his hands together, Tom said, “Though out of my reach, Harry is so nice! Oh, the fantasies! Lucius is so lucky! He'll probably realize that tomorrow.” Clearing his throat, trying to focus once more, Tom looked around. “We have much to work out between all of us. Harry, for now, is out. Albus will quickly find that what he's planned for can't happen now. Oh no, the barmy old man is going to figure out that Lucius and Sirius won't let him draw poor Harry into this mess. The first hint of any manipulations and those two will defend the poor lad like a mother dragon guarding her young! I don't think poor deranged Albus realizes how strong this bond is! No, he's going to try. Or at least try to get Lucius to see the world from his point of view. We need to plan for this! It will only aid us!”

Paying attention, liking what he was hearing, Severus was then blindsided by Nagini launching herself at him and wrapping around him with such speed that he ended up with scale-burn on his areas of exposed skin and almost toppling to the floor. Huffing and grumbling, knowing it would no good at all to try to protest the snuggling, he glowered at the floor, grinding his teeth.

Cackling happily, Tom clapped his hands. “Oh hush, Severus! She adores you! How many creatures out there like you just for who you are? Just enjoy, silly Severus!”

Feeling the snake's tongue flick into his ear, Severus ground his teeth, clenching his fists while shooting Tom a murderous look. Mumbling, he imparted to the serpent who was hissing in his ear, “You would make great potions ingredients! And I would relish preparing you for them too!” Feeling her give him a squeeze, he just huffed, grumbling under his breath, knowing it would do no good at all to try to persuade her to get off of him or even threaten her with his wand. After all, she had done this enough that she knew to ensure his wand arm was bound tightly to his body. Glowering at the floor, he was hoping this wasn't going to be one of her longer snuggling sessions. He wasn't drunk enough to handle one of those tonight! After all, he was sure that her motivation for this was sexual in some way. He just couldn't prove it. That—it gave him nightmares to even consider it!

Grinning from ear to ear, Tom shook his head then cooed at Nagini, “See? Severus is so much nicer to snuggle than poor traumatized Harry! He doesn't panic like the poor lad did. Just enjoy, my sweet girl!” Ignoring Severus' death glares, he pressed on to deal with some of the others there to make plans for what was needed.

Paying attention to what Tom was doing, Nagini was waiting for him to be distracted so she could put her plan into motion. Severus was a little more inebriated than normal so it was the perfect time for her to do what she wanted! After all, even her Severus wasn't at his best when he was drunk!

Snuggling Severus, cooing in his ear, enjoying the way he was huffing, grumbling and threatening her, Nagini waited until Tom was focused on one of the others. Now it was perfect. As animated as he was, he wouldn't be paying attention to anything she did.

Shifting her bulk around, she managed to put her Severus off balance, tipping him over. Perfect! Once they were on the floor, she began to slither away with him still wrapped in her coils. Now all she had to do was get him to her room before Tom was any the wiser! Yes, it was time she was allowed to keep her Severus.

Groaning at the attempted snakenapping, Severus huffed indignantly, teeth grinding so hard his jaw was aching and he was certain they were starting to powder in his gums. As she had tried this before, he knew how to handle it. Though he couldn't throw spells at her, he still had his wand and could send off some. Shooting off the trouble signal that Tom had devised, Severus just hoped that Tom wasn't so involved with what he was doing that he would miss it. After all, so far Nagini hadn't managed to get away with him and he really didn't want to see what she had in mind if she managed to fully abduct him. Already he needed plenty of therapy regarding what he had seen over his lifetime. Whatever the snake had in mind for him was certain to be something that trumped everything else up to this point!

Walking a couple of the others through what he wanted of them while keeping an eye on deranged Bella, hoping that she would remain content playing with that disgusting rat, it took Tom a minute to realize that Severus had sent off his trouble signal.

Eyes wide, head whipping around, he saw his familiar trying to slither off with poor Severus. Huffing, rolling his eyes, he cut off the conversation and went to rescue the man. Really, with all that had gone on that day, he should have realized that she would do something like this and kept a closer eye on her and what she was doing. She was distressed about Harry and wanted comfort because of the rejection. That meant that she was going to attempt to make off with one of his followers. No, he needed them!

With his robes swirling around him dramatically, he made his way in the direction she was slithering off with poor Severus. Stepping in front of her path, he crossed his arms over his chest and glowered down at her, tapping his foot. “Bad girl!” He told her firmly. “Snuggling is fine, but we do not kidnap my followers!”

Knowing the gig was up, Nagini looked up at Tom, hissing softly, whining.

“Shan't work, silly serpent! No, no whining allowed! You know the rules! Let poor Severus loose! You are grounded from snuggling!”

Keeping her huffing, grumbling Severus tightly locked in her coils, Nagini wrapped her upper body around Tom's leg and looked up at him in a way she hoped was pleading, hissing softly at him.

“No, won't work!” Tom huffed, glaring down at her. “You're a snake, silly girl! Snakes can't do the puppy dog eyes! You can't blink, naughty girl! That alone negates the effect!” Giving an exasperated sigh, he said, “Let poor Severus loose! I need my followers, Nagini! We have work to do! I can't accomplish that if you kidnap them! It's even worse when they get upset over you trying to steal them. It makes them want to abandon me. I can't have that, you traitorous snake! No, let him loose!”

Whining softly, she snuggled Tom's leg the best she could without letting her Severus loose. Pleading, she stared at him.

“Absolutely not,” Tom told her firmly, foot tapping faster. “Let him loose! You're grounded! Don't make me do something drastic, Nagini!”

With a hissy sigh, knowing that Tom meant it, Nagini loosened her coils and slithered off her Severus. Climbing up Tom, she draped over his shoulders, hissing softly, tone dejected, pouting.

Giving her a firm tap on the head, Tom told her, “Don't even try, bad girl! We've discussed this before. You know better!” He looked at Severus, who had managed to get to his feet and was dusting himself off and grumbling. “Oh so sorry, Severus. She's distressed at Harry not wanting to be snuggled. Poor lad was traumatized, of course, so it's understandable! Just—we'll make it up to you.” Tom told him, hoping to soothe the sometimes prickly man. After all, Severus did tend to get grouchier than normal after such an attempt by his unruly snake.

Shooting Tom a glare that would have had his students wetting themselves and clamoring for shelter, Severus hissed, “No, thank you. Just keep her away for the rest of the night!”

“I will, never fear,” Tom soothed, making placating motions with his hand. “Perhaps, a make over? That might make you feel oh so much better! We can easily arrange that, Severus! All you have to do is take a seat and I'll do the rest. You'll feel much more amiable when I get done!” Tom told him, grinning slightly, fingering his wand.

“No, thank you,” Severus intoned, glaring at him as he cleaned the dust off his robes. Tom—well, he had a thing for his hair. Why? He would never figure that out. This was just another excuse for the man to be allowed to play with it. “However, a couple shots of firewhiskey would not be turned down.” He decided that next time he would down the whole damned bottle before he showed up! He couldn't take much more of this!

Nodding enthusiastically, Tom said, “That can be arranged! Yes, I do believe it's warranted.” Signaling one of his followers, he had them bring the poor man a double shot of the potent drink. After Severus downed it, he soothed, “We're almost done then you can go. I'll keep her with me until then. Just relax, Severus!” After another huff at the still whinging and pouting snake, Tom told her firmly, “Naughty, naughty girl! No, you're grounded! No more snuggling for the rest of the night!” Giving Severus a pat on the shoulder, he headed back to the main group to finish what they were doing.

Rubbing his eyes, feeling more wobbly than before, Severus staggered slightly then walked over to join the group.

An hour later, the meeting was adjourned. Severus, though, was asked to stay behind. Watching the batty one walk off still clutching onto the garishly colored, dressed up Pettigrew after Tom had cast a spell on him so he couldn’t change back, the Potions Master vaguely wondered what the rat animagus had done to miff Tom to the point that he warranted that kind of punishment. Standing there, waiting, trying not to sway, he looked at Tom.

Shifting around in his oh so comfy chair, making sure that the pouting Nagini remained right where she was, Tom grinned at Severus then said, “I do have a tiny, small, ever so insignificant job for you to attend to if you would, Severus. Nothing big or dramatic, I assure you. I just need a package delivered before you return to the school.”

Though he was fairly positive that it wasn't a good idea to even attempt to Apparate more than once in the shape he was in, Severus gave a bare nod.

Clapping his hands, pleased, Tom asked, “Remus Lupin—you said he adores chocolate?”

“He does,” Snape confirmed, nodding. However, there was now a dawning horror as to what his job was going to entail. Sure, while it might be most amusing to see the look that would come from it, he wasn't all that certain he wanted to be put in this position either!

“Oh, good!” Tom squealed excitedly, looking decidedly pleased. “He's an easy one then. This will work out ever so nicely! All I need is for you to pop over to Grimmauld Place and deliver something to him, nothing more. Just tell him it's with my compliments then you can go back to the school and feed Albus some story of mass torture, destruction or plans of decimation. Whatever you choose of course.”

“I will,” Severus intoned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. If this all kept up, he was going to be a stark raving alcoholic before the war was over. Or completely mental. Maybe both. Actually, from his perspective, both sounded quite enjoyable at this juncture. Because, honestly, he wasn't sure how much more he could take.

Levitating a case of Honeydukes' finest assorted chocolates out, he put them at Severus' feet. “For now, that should work. Yes, he should like them. However, if you can think of anything else he might enjoy, let me know! I'll work from there.”

Looking down at the chocolates, Severus sighed and nodded. Shrinking the case, he pocketed it then looked at Tom, waiting to see if there was anything else. Already, he had too much to deal with tonight, not the least of which was a horrific headmaster who would be devising all kinds of strange plans. He didn't need more on top of that.

“That's all,” Tom told him soothingly. “We should be good for a while. I'll let him think it over. Now, off with you. Just keep an eye on poor senile Albus so we might have a teeny tiny hint of whatever deranged plans he might have.”

“I will,” Severus told him firmly. After a bow, one that almost did land him on his face, he turned and was off. Focusing, he planned to go to Grimmauld Place then back to the school. With the shape he was in, any reporting to Albus could wait until the following day and a very large dose of hangover cure.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Remus had a mass of books spread out over it, trying to sort through them to see what he could come up with about the bond. He had the spells, Albus had provided those, the same with the sealing bond. It was his hope that he could find something to negate it or, at least, dim the effects, for those involved. However, so far, he was coming up with nothing. This was a nasty one that didn't appear to have a counter or way to break it.

As he was pouring through yet another tome, he heard the door open then someone seem to stumble. Looking up, he saw Severus stagger in, looking very disoriented. Knowing from what Albus said that the man had been summoned earlier, he stood, concerned. “Severus? Are you alright? Is there something I can do?”

Waving a dismissive hand, Severus staggered over to the table and flopped down. The Apparation hadn't helped his drunken state in the least. “It's nothing to concern yourself with, Lupin,” he sneered, or tried to. It didn't come out as intended because his voice was more than slightly slurred at this juncture of the 'festivities'.

Brow furrowed, Remus looked at him. He appeared to be fine, no signs of overt torture or anything. Taking in his bloodshot eyes and other mannerisms, his eyes widened then he asked, keeping his voice soft, “Are you drunk?” Though he didn't smell any booze on him, that didn't mean anything. After all, every witch and wizard worth their salt knew the spell to negate the smell.

“You are completely off your nut if you think I'm showing up to those meetings sober, Lupin,” Severus snarled, looking at him.

Rubbing his hand over his face, Remus sat down and looked at Severus. Shaking his head, he wasn't sure what to say. After a couple moments, he asked, “Is there a reason you're here or just to gather yourself before going back to the school?”

“There is,” Severus nodded. Pulling out the case of chocolates, he unshrunk them and pushed them to the werewolf. “I was asked to deliver those to you.”

Startled by the chocolate, Remus pulled it closer, eyes widening when he saw it was the highest end they had of the product. Though all but salivating over the thought eating it, he wondered who it was from. Taking the note off the top, he quickly read it. Eyes going buggy, he started to shake then stammer. Stuttering, all he managed to get out was, “Courting ritual!”

“Oh, yes,” Severus said, looking sadistically amused.

Eyeing the chocolates then looking back down to the note, hands shaking so badly that he couldn’t read it, he whispered, “No!” Remembering what Lucius had said, he shook his head and wondered if it wouldn't be a wise idea to never step foot outside of Grimmauld Place again.

“He likes you. Before I left, he even asked for hints about what to give you,” Severus told him smoothly, though his voice was slurred. Right now, it was very amusing to see the normally calm Lupin panicking. Tomorrow—it would be something that would assist in him getting through a very trying day. At least there was some good to come out of this nightmarish evening!

Lifting his eyes, he looked at Snape, feeling a full on panic attack coming. Breathing heavily, black spots seeming to dance in his vision, and he wasn't sure what to say. All he knew was that panic was now warranted!

Snorting, completely amused, Severus slurred out, “You have the misfortune of the only out you had being removed from his hands. If Potter hadn't been bonded today, he would be on the receiving end.” Arrogantly, Severus looked at the man and waited.

Almost hyperventilating, Remus managed to ask, “I take it he doesn't take no thanks, not interested, for an answer?”

“No,” Severus told him smugly, amused.

Shaking his head, eyes wide, Remus just stammered as he looked at the note that could only be described as a love letter.

“However, in this case, if I can get an assist with something, I might be able to start pointing him in another direction. There is no guarantee this will work, mind you, but I can try,” Severus sighed, hoping to get a small assist with something before he went back to the castle.

Nodding vigorously, about to agree to anything the Potions Master suggested, Remus waited.

Shaking his head, Severus said, “I need you to scorch my robes and make it appear as if I was tortured.” Normally, this was a task he tended to himself before going back to the castle. However, with the shape he was in, he was certain he would do himself an injury if he tried. No, it was better this way. Besides, he thought he had someone that he could direct the Dark Lord's attention to that was better suited.

Relieved, Remus agreed, “Whatever you need, Severus.”

Standing, making sure to brace himself on the table so he didn't topple over, Severus made a motion for the man to get on it with it. Once Lupin had done a fairly passable job and he thought he could get back to the castle without splinching himself, Severus said, “I'll take my leave.” Staggering towards the door, he stopped then smirked before imparting smoothly, “By the way—just for the humor of the situation—Wormtail has, somehow, managed to piss off the Dark Lord to an extreme degree. How, I don't know, but he managed. To amuse yourself, imagine him being bound into his rat form then given to Bella to play dress up with.” With that, Severus strode outside, or the closest he could manage, and, after a deep breath, Apparated away, hoping not to injure himself on landing.

Standing there, watching Severus wobble out, Remus couldn't help but grin a little over that image. Shaking his head, grin growing as his imagination took hold, he turned back to the table and eyed the chocolate. Though the thought of where it came from was giving him heart palpitations, he couldn't help but crave a taste. After all, he had never had the highest quality Honeydukes' Supreme Chocolate Collection.

Shaking his head, he sighed. One small piece then he would hide it.

I want to thank BW for the idea of the snakenapping. She mentioned it and my diseased brain ran with it. Thanks a lot, BW! -.-

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"Why Me?"