Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Fondu Au Noir	By : Wander_Lust Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Harry/Hermione Views: 77866 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor any of its characters nor am I profiting from this in anyway!

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
I am forcefully thrust out of sleep by a brutal grip wrenching on my arm.
"Get up! Get up you lazy girl!"
Her pulling makes me fall out of bed, the harsh impact of my back onto the cold floor jolting me awake.
Petunia is still pulling on my arm. I can see that mad glint in her eyes that she sometimes get and I know that I'm in for a long night. Again. This will be the third night she's done something like this. Waking me up in the dead of night to do some chore.
"Get up! Get up right now!" I follow her pull, rising to my feet and staring at her with wide eyes. I have to tread very carefully when she gets like this. She shakes me as she stares down into my eyes. "You terribly lazy despicable girl! Come here!" she continues to tug me out of my room into the freezing cold house. We pass a clock and I see its about to be four in the morning.
How does this woman keep waking up like this every night?
She stomps up the stairs, probably waking Harry as she goes. I try to go up quieter but with her incessant tugging makes me stumble. I hit my knee on the stair and hiss at the pain.
"Hurry up!" Petunia hisses ferociously. I scramble back up and she pulls me to the bathroom, thrusting me inside.
"What is this? Hm?" The question is poised as a threat already, hissed between teeth with barely controlled rage and madness.
I stare at her because that's all I can do and all she wants me to do.
She trails long manicured hands over the sink and holds it for me to inspect. There is nothing on her hand but she thrusts it in my face as if I am supposed to see something.
"You call this clean? Huh? Do you think this is clean?" She rubs her fingers together and looks at me with wide crazed eyes.
I try not to yawn in her face. It is so late-or maybe it's early- and the coldness makes me just want to go right back to bed and under the covers.
"No, Aunt Petunia." I say it because its what she wants me to say, sounding monotone, robotic. Petunia's face tightens, her brown eyes widening even further with malice and madness.
She reaches out, grabs my wrist in a brutal hold, her icky long nails digging into flesh. I can't help the expression that falls on my face and she notices.
"Don't give me that look! You disobedient, ungrateful, nuisance!" Her free hand grips my face, pinching my cheeks.
"I apologize, Aunt Petunia." I manage to say. Petunia holds my face for a moment longer before roughly releasing me.
"I want this place spotless! Spotless! You understand?" She walks out and I sigh at the wall. The place is already spotless but I start to clean it up again anyway.
I hate it here. I hate it here so much. Constantly being ordered around.
Harry and I do equal amount of chores. We both have to cook, clean and do yard work endlessly. Luckily we only have Vernon to breath down our necks during the weekends but Petunia is constantly there, constantly griping at us and especially me.
She has some sort of obsession with me, a profound dislike that makes her haggle me all the time. She meticulously goes over everything I do, watching me as I clean to critique me with insults.
It can't be even twenty minutes later before she is back, her eyes wide, staring down at me with murder in her eyes. In her hand is a shirt and I feel dread rising in my entire being.
"Look at what you have done!" She screeches, holding up a shirt on a wire hanger and flailing it around. "You've ruined it!" She sounds as if she is about to cry, her emotions all over the place.
"I'm sor-"
The whack across my face stills my apology. I cry out in pained shock at being hit in the face with a wire hanger.
"I don't want your so-called 'sorry'! I don't tolerate mistakes!" She keeps hitting me screeching about failures. I can't help but cry, it hurts so bad like a switch. Distantly, I hear the muffled yells of Harry as he bangs on the cupboard door.
"Please! It won't happen again! Please!"
"Ruined! Ruined! Ruined!" Petunia definitely sounds like she’s crying, hitting me without seeing me.
A bang rocks the floor and both Petunia and I scream. Vernon comes barreling out of the room, already red-faced and enraged.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON!" He howls as Harry comes running up the stairs. Cautiously I lower my arms but Harry's arrival has jolted Petunia out of her stupor. She lunges for me, her talon like nails tearing into my flesh as she pulls me out of the bathroom.
"Let go of her!" Harry screams, barreling to us like a bull. Petunia lets me go in her shock just as Harry wrenches her away, placing himself in between me and the Dursley's.
I'm shocked stiff, staring up at Harry's back from on the floor. I'm not the only one. Vernon and Petunia are looking at him as if they don't quite know what to make of his rebellious actions. It doesn't last long for the next second Vernon is yelling again.
"What has gotten into you boy? How dare you speak to us that way!" Vernon has the promise of pain written all over his face.
"No," I can't help but whispered, horrified that Harry will be hurt once again because of me.
But Harry just takes a step back and slams the door in their faces, locking it just as Vernon's fist collides against the wooden frame.
Vernon immediately starts howling, spewing threats from the other side of the door. Harry doesn't turn around, he just stands in front of the door breathing heavily. I breathe his name and his head turns to me in a sideways gaze.
I suck in a breath. His eyes are dark, pupils dilated with anger, hate and fear. The fear shouldn't have surprised me but it does and I can feel my heart warm at its presence.
Harry was scared as he faced the Dursley's but he still did it. He did it for me.
I melt with love for him. All the fear, pain and anger goes away and I'm melting in this warm cherished feeling. Harry is the only person in this world that has ever done something like that for me. He's the only one who loves me enough and the feeling is completely mutual.
Harry's eyes widen as he looks at me, sucking in a sharp breath. I don't know what my face looks like but Harry is in awe of it.
"FINE! You lot better be planning on staying locked in there for the rest of your pathetic lives cause the moment I catch you out I'll have your hide!" Vernon bellows making both jump.
Fear spikes through me. What is going to happen to Harry? Vernon will tear him to pieces for his actions. Oh, I can't bear it! Vernon already acts so brutal to Harry. I feel nausea creeping up on me.
"Oh Harry! I'm so worried for you! I wish you wouldn’t have done this!”
No sooner than the words are out of my mouth does Harry kneel before me and wrap me in his arms.
"It's going to be alright, Hermione." He says simply with a calmness I can't begin to understand.
"How can you be so calm! Vernon-"
"-Is going to leave for work in a few hours. I have the whole day before he can follow through with his threat." I shake my head at the nonchalant tone.
"How did you even get out of the cupboard?"
At this, a nervous look crosses Harry's face and dread adds itself to the mixture of worry and fear.
"Harry..."
"I blew out the door." He says with averted eyes. I gasp with shock, covering my mouth.
"Oh no! Oh Harry-when Vernon or Petunia sees-"
"It's fine. I'll be fine." Tears well up in my eyes at the brave face he's putting on as I wrench Harry harder to me.
"I wish you wouldn't have done this Harry-"
"No! I couldn't just stay in there listening to her hit you again!"
"But Harry-"
"I would rather it be me than you a million times over so just drop it, Hermione!" I bit my lip and stare at right into Harry's eyes.
"But its the same for me too. I would rather it be me than you."
"I know."
Harry smiles a small almost sad looking smile as he looks at me tenderly. One of his hands come up sliding up my neck and into my bushy hair as the other comes to cup my cheek, rubbing his thumb along my skin. I nuzzle my face into his hand soaking in his touch and trying to keep the worry from my eyes.
As if sensing this Harry leans down, his face consuming my vision and automatically my heart starts to beat wildly in my chest. My gaze falls to his lips and my own open slightly with anticipation. Kissing is still such a new and pleasant feeling. I'm surprised at how much I like doing it.
Harry is always the one to initiate kisses but I think about kissing him a lot. Everything sort of goes away, lost to only good feelings. I get enraptured by the smell of him, the shared breathing, the way my belly erupts into butterflies and that spreads all over me from the rapid beating of my heart.
Finally, his lips land on mine, a firm press and for just a moment I am content. I hear Harry breath me in and I wonder how he feels when we kiss. Does he like it as much as I do?
When Harry breaks the kiss I have to stop myself from falling his lips. I can't help but marvel at the power Harry has over me. He can make any situation a little less bad than it is with just a kiss and I hope that never changes.
X

X

X
I don't get any sleep that night. There are too many thoughts running through my mind about them being...together...intimate. It sickens me. My mind imagines Harry, my Harry, touching Ginny's disgusting body.
I feel a warped sense of memorizing fascination imagining them together. Ginny's skin is paler than Harry's and mine. I see in my minds eyes Harry's tanner hands running over hers, cupping her breasts, fingering her slit. I imagine his hands gripping her red locks as she sucks his cock. I picture them tonguing each other's mouths as he fucks her.
I hate it but I can't stop these images. I want it to be me but it's not so I obsess over the details.
Would Harry moan when he enters her? Would he have his glasses on to see her reactions better, or off so he can kiss her more deeply? Would he prep her with his tongue before fingering her greedy cunt? Would he make sure she climaxed first? How much did he care about her sexual pleasure?
These questions plague me, eat me alive, drive me mad. I feel like my whole world is spinning out of control. I don't understand how we got to this point.
But I won't stand for it.
I wait until the wee hours of the morning and creep out from my bed. It's quiet in the dormitory. Peaceful. A complete contrast to the roaring in my heart.
I open the door to the boys' staircase with caution. There is no exhilaration or anticipation like the last time I had sneaked into Harry's dorm. No, now there is a hardness, a desperation. At the entrance to his dorm, I place the tip of my wand to the door and trace out a rune, whispering a spell to put all the occupants inside into a temporary enchanted sleep. It's not a spell learned in any curriculum but one I stumbled upon a long time ago in the library and highly advanced. I always knew it would come in handy.
Now it has.
I step inside completely unafraid and eye the snoring boys with distaste. My eyes fall to Ron's red hair and I feel a surge of anger spike so strongly it makes little sparks shoot out from my wand. I hate the Weasley's. I hate how they want to take Harry away from me.
I'm tempted to curse him but the rational part of my mind refuses to let myself. I have a different retribution in mind.
I go to Harry's bed. His curtains are drawn, unlike the others. I stare at them for a moment but ignore it. Ignore him. I didn't come here for him.
I drop to my knees before his trunk, opening the lid to find his stuff strewn inside. Harry is never clean unless he needs to be. I rummage through his things searching meticulously until I find one of the things I need. The cloak.
I pull it out, folding it carefully next to myself on the floor before I dig in again for the map. I look everywhere for it, check and double check but it's not here. I look around me, wondering where it could be. I check under his bed in his dresser but to no avail.
I sigh. The map is the most important thing for me to get. I don't believe that Harry would loan it out or get it taken from him so I'm at a loss as to its location. The only place I hadn't looked is inside his bed.
I eye the curtain again. I really don't want to see Harry's face right now but I have no choice. I reach out, pulling the curtain back. I'm surprised at what I find.
Harry had obviously not been sleeping before the sleep spell took affect despite the hour. His body is slumped in a sitting position, glasses still on his face. In his lax hand is the marauder's map.
I reach out and grab it, wondering what he could have possibly looking at and knowing that I would definitely curse him if it's on Ginny Weasley but it's not. The map is showing me in the boy's dormitory.
My heart jumps, my eyes shooting to Harry's sleeping face. What had Harry been looking at? Had he been watching Ginny's footprints when he noticed me moving out of bed and traced it as I walked to the door and stood outside his door?
I fold the map taking a stuttering breath. I don't know what Harry had been looking at but I do know that he knows I have come to his dorm and once he finds the cloak and map gone he'll come for me.
But that's precisely why I am taking them. With this, I can avoid him and plot what my next move will be.
Just looking at him now is causing such a horrible pain in my chest. I want to touch him, take off his glasses, situate him so he's comfortable but I won't. Right now he's not my Harry. He's just like all the other boys in this dorm. Dirty, contaminated creatures. He won't be my Harry again until he's not with Ginny anymore until he swears he'll never even think of abandoning me like this again.
I gather the cloak and exit the tower altogether. I'm not getting any sleep anyway.
I sneak into the library undisturbed by anything except the sounds the castle makes like stairs moving and portraits grumbling. The castle at night is a wonder but it doesn't reach me. There is an insidious blackness taking over my heart.
I think about Harry being with her and it makes me want to do dark things.
What if I just fucked all the sixth year boys-became a renowned slut and ruined myself entirely? Would Harry feel sorry then? Would he realize just how damaged he's left me? I think about leaving all of this behind, disappearing to some place Harry would never find me and fantasize at how frantic he will look for me, how gutted he'd be when I'm gone. I think about trying to fall in love with someone else so completely Harry wouldn't even matter anymore.
But these are all impossible things.
The idea of someone else’s filthy hands on me makes me want to vomit. I can never go through with it, I'd be physically ill.
My mind flashes to Malfoy. He's touched me, yes, and I didn't hate it all that much but still. No. Even though it would tear Harry up inside and drive him mad, I couldn't do it for many reasons.
One: Malfoy is too complicated. He's too much of a wild card and I can't deal with complications. If I tried to manipulate him, I know already that it wouldn't work out well for me. He'd take things too far.
Two: he's dangerous. I shiver involuntarily and not at all pleasantly as I recall a look in his eyes he sometimes gets. It's calculated, cold, and void of compassion. There is something horribly broken there. Frighteningly so.
Which brings me to my third reason. He's too much like me. That horrible look in his eyes...it scares me because it's familiar. That detachment to things...It's what will become of me if Harry really does continue with Ginny. I won't be able to feel anything anymore. It's a devil-may-care attitude. It's an impassivity. It's empty. It's hollow.
It's the complete opposite of Harry. Harry is all emotion. He feels anger, pain, sorrow, happiness and he feels them completely. He's got so much hope, so much brightness that just draws you in. He doesn't see it but I do...
And so does Ginny.
That horrible bitch.
I need Harry. I need him because he abates the thing that Malfoy would feed. Even when I hate him he makes me feel more than Malfoy ever could. Malfoy would only pull us both down further into that void.
And maybe, just maybe if the worst with Harry happens, I'll let him.
That I know would be a sufficient enough punishment for Harry.
But not yet.
X

X

X
I manage to avoid Harry for almost two days and not just him but Malfoy too.
I skip meals, study at Hagrid's hut and sleep on the couch in the prefects meeting room. In classes, I feel the both of them watching me. Harry's gaze is more like he can't help but watch me but Malfoy's gaze is full of anger. I imagine he couldn't like getting left in the snow all that much but I can't be arsed enough to care. Serves him right for always trying to get in the way.
I don't really understand the reason for Harry watching me. I do and I don't since I can't be sure about anything that has to do with him anymore.
His actions say that me leaving him alone is exactly what he's been asking for and what he should want but his constant gaze is begging me to forgive him and be around him again.
So what I think is that Harry wants to be close but not too close. He wants to be like Ron and Ginny. But I can't do that. Not while I'm going mad picturing him fucking Ginny and just the sight of them together makes me want to obliviate even the tiniest memory of Harry from her mind and compel her to live her life in a nunnery far far away.
Harry manages to catch me on the last class of the day. Previously, I had been running out of the classroom like a bat out of hell, confunding him when need be and then throwing on the cloak at the first opportunity and getting away but Harry is quick. He not only sees what I've been doing but reacts faster than me and steals my wand away before I can exit the door, grabbing onto my arm and pulling me into the thicket of people.
"Harry, let go." I hiss through gritted teeth as he drags me along.
"No." He says simply.
I glare at him, feeling bitter, angry, and reluctantly excited to be around him again but then I freeze, realizing something. I stop moving completely, stop breathing. I'm looking up at Harry...looking up at him!
Harry's eyes gaze down at me, angrily at first before widening. I don't know what's on my face but it makes his face waver, flicker with uncertainty.
"What is it?"
I stare at him and feel a painful twinge in my chest.
"You've gotten taller." I answer. Harry rolls his eyes at me and keeps moving us along but I find that I suddenly really don't want to be around him right now. Not this boy who smells like Harry but whose grip is tighter than my Harry's and whose body is bigger than my Harry's.
Harry walks us along and I realize after a few minutes that it doesn't seem as if he has any destination in mind. It's like he doesn't know where to go, or rather, what he wants to do. I can tell he's not up for an argument but now whenever we are around each other all we do is fight and our fights are not something he wants people to see. They're too intimate and they often get way out of control.
But to bring me to the Room of Requirement means allowing for that chance to come and treading on dangerous ice. Would I be the one to lose it again or will he?
I wonder what he will do.
Harry sighs, running a hand through his messy black hair. It hurts that I can't help but find him adorable. My hand itches to reach up and pat his hair down, to lean in closer and smell his scent, to feel his warmth and have that closeness.
Harry looks at me from behind his messy fringe and I harden my face, give him an impatient glare. He eyes my face for a moment before suddenly retracting his wand and giving it a flick with a whispered Accio!
Tugging my hand, he starts walking us back the way we came. Frustrated, I pull myself away from him, giving him a glare.
"What are you doing Harry? You can't just keep pulling me this way or that! I'm not a dog!"
Harry takes my hand again even as people pass us by and looks deeply into my eyes. His hand is warm and large, fingers long and thin intertwined with mine. This is a familiar hand. I know it. I know why the palm is calloused. I've seen these hands wash dishes, scrub floors, pull weeds. I cant help but look down at our hands. It's such a simple thing, something Harry and I have done a million times before but not since a long time ago, it feels…
"I want to walk with you, Hermione. I-we need to talk."
I look back up at him, slowly removing my hand from his. Harry doesn't say anything but I can sense his displeasure.
"Fine, we can talk, but don't touch me." I say, moving slightly away from him. Harry makes an annoyed sound, frowning down at me.
"Come on Hermi-"
My eyes flash with anger as open my mouth to retort.
"I mean it!"
Harry's own eyes flash and I can see he wants to do something, something he can't do in a hallway with other people around. I smile darkly to which Harry eyes with distaste.
"Also, we have to visit Hagrid first." I demand.
Hagrid had been very sad lately at the lack of Harry's appearance and since he's the only other person I like in this world I won't let it stand anymore. At first, he had been angry and I would have to make excuses for Harry's and when I stopped it out of my own frustration with Harry it made Hagrid's anger turn to sadness.
"Fine," he says with audible restraint in his voice. "Let's go to Hagrid's. I'll get our cloaks."
He swishes his wand with an Accio as I try to recall the last time Harry and I did this last. I can't help but feel angry and sad that the last time was after the welcoming feast. Harry and I used to go visit Hagrid all the time but that was before all the madness.
"I'm surprised you even remember he lives outside." I can't help but be sarcastic and biting toward him. He has done so much wrong this year.
"Hermione." His says warningly as our cloaks come soaring toward us.
"What? You haven't been to Hagrids at all so far this year except for once and it's about to be Christmas! Hagrid is very upset with you and he keeps asking about you whenever I go to visit him."
"I havent-"
"Oh don't try to make excuses Harry. We both know that you haven't been too busy to see him. You could have stopped by on your way to Quidditch or even after but you just don't care enough! But you'll make time for your precious Weasley's!"
"It's not like that!"
"Well it's what it looks like, isn't it? And Hagrid has every right to feel as he does."
"Why do you keep trying to pick fights with me? This isn't what we do-"
"No it wasn't what we did but since you're the one who decided to put an end to how we were this is what we'll do now!"
A frustrated groan escapes from Harry's lips, his glaring eyes fixed on the floor as we walk. I put my cloak on as we near the entrance doors and whip out my wand, waving a warming charm around myself and then turning it to Harry and doing the same before I even realize it.
I catch a flash of a small almost smug smile appears on Harry's face before he turns his head away from me. I scowl but continue on.
"So what makes you want to see Hagrid all of the sudden anyway? Is Weaslette too busy washing her hair or something?" My tone is bitter and disgusted with a hint of envy as I rush forward toward the door ahead of him slightly. He still manages to open the door for me and with a glare I step outside. The cold isn't half as bad with the warming charm but it's still pretty cold. I am reminded that Christmas break will be in two days time.
I feel Harry step out behind me and hear the door close behind him. There is no one outside and the grounds are covered in frost. It's pretty and peaceful like the calm usually obtained in the dead of night.
I turn to look at Harry expectantly and he glares down at me, reaching out to grab me and pull me closer to him. His breath stirs my hair and my heart spikes.
"I am done with this, Hermione! Why can't you just-"
A wave of adrenaline hits me, I use all the strength in my small body to wrench us around, using the element of surprise. Harry's back hits the door with a bang, his face going from surprised to dark in seconds.
"Why can't I what, Harry?" I hiss, getting closer to his face. "Why can't I just accept you and your precious girlfriend and be happy for you?" My tone is mocking, my face saying how impossible that idea is.
Harry wrenches himself up, pushing my hands off. Both his cheeks are flushed, his hair a mess and glasses askew. He makes my heart race. Below the anger, under the hurt, there is so much desire for him, no matter what.
My Harry, my Harry, my Harry, minemineminemine!
"Yes! Why can't you just stop? Why can't you just let your feelings go and let us be normal?"
He is my Harry. He is my Harry that is my only reprieve from the nightmare that is the Dursley's. My Harry who has protected me, took punishments for me and would comfort me afterward.
"You want to know why?" I ask, voice tight, heart a mess. I grasp his hand- the hand that had held mine earlier and felt such fixation for- as I fumbled with my robe, wrenching it open. I pull his hand closer to me, open my legs a little wider. I can't think straight. I don't want to.
Harry looks confused before his eyes widen and he tries to feebly pull his hand away but its too late, I need this and he's not getting away. I press Harry hand against my wet knickers. His hand is a cold contrast to my hot center. It makes my breath hitch and my eyes close. I've wanted him to touch me here for so long.
I hear Harry suck in a harsh breath and open my eyes. His wide eyes are locked where his hand his beneath my skirt, and he looks even redder than before. I feel a rush go through me making me even wetter. I deliberately grind myself into his hand wantonly, watching Harry's breathing get labored like my own, but it's not enough. I want to rub myself on him. I want to sit on his face and grind on his tongue and do wicked, wicked thing to him.
Harry's eyes go dark, pupils dilated and my whole body answers to that shift in him with a thrill that sets my whole body on fire. I don't dare say a word in case it breaks him from this trance, I can barely even breath.
Harry's tongue comes out, wetting his lips as his hand slips under my knickers on their own accord. My mind gets hazy as he touches me. My legs start to shake as his fingers slide over my wet quim, rubbing against my clit.
I whimper. I can't help it. The air is intense, heady, between us, saturated with dangerous lust and desire. I feel like I'm going mad. I don't have enough strength to hold myself up, I'm shaking too much. I reach out and grip onto Harry's robes. Harry's hand comes to pull my body closer as his fingers manipulate me, attacking my clit before circling around my center. I lean my head down onto his chest, breathing him in, clutching at him and grinding onto his hand.
I cry out as he slowly pushes a finger in. A shudder goes through him. We're both panting. I spread my legs wider, feel him pushing in deeper. My walls spasm around his finger.
"Fuck!" He hisses, hips pushing into me and I'm overcome with lust at his reaction, making my walls clench again. He pushes another finger inside and furiously starts finger fucking me.
"Harry!" I scream, my back arching, head going back, as my eyes go wide. It feels so amazing, better than amazing. His fingers are stirring a delicious sensation in my belly, a heat spreading all over. I can't hold myself up any longer. He can't either. We both go sliding down the door, Harry's fingers never stopping.
Harry's forehead falls on my shoulder, his breathing heavy, his free hand clenching my shirt. I want to touch him. I want to run my hand down the length of his cock, see the affect that I have on him. But I can't, I don't dare to.
There is a stirring low in my belly, warm, hot making the muscles there spasm. I scream as it builds to impossible lengths, my heart exploding in my chest as a gushing sensation in my quim has my walls clenching. I'm moving against Harry's fast fingers with abandon. Harry groans in my ear, brings his thumb to rub my clit while fingering me.
Breathing escapes me. Everything escapes me. I am a bundle of tight nerves, trembling and boneless. I realize that I just had an orgasm. Even better yet, Harry just gave me an orgasm.
I come down from the high, my breath returning, drinking in gulps of his smells, still flushed and quivering. Harry's fingers slide out of me and I'm overcome by a strange urge to laugh.
I knew it. I knew it!
Harry can denydenydeny but I know.
I can feel him trembling. He slips his hands out from underneath my skirt. He won't raise his head to look at me. I know he feels ashamed, I know that this time it is he who is feeling the hate. I pull back to try to see his face but Harry holds me fast, crushing me to him.
I know he doesn't want me to read his emotions but what he doesn't know is I already have. He's my Harry again. I know him again, not as much as I want but more than I did moments ago.
And right now he's miserable. I can't share in that emotion. I'm feeling way too victorious, way too happy.
I smile as I wrap my arms around him. Better for him to not see my face right now since surely my happiness would only make him worse.
But it's over now. We can forget about these past few months and go back to how it was.
The cold is starting to sink in again. I shuffle awkwardly in my pockets to retrieve my wand, renewing the warming charm on both of us. Harry shivers as it washes over him before finally raising his head.
My eyes go wide at his expression, piercing right into my heart to still all my good feelings.
His agonized eyes met my own, lips downturned in a deep frown. He looks beyond miserable, he looks beyond ashamed. He is crushed by what we've done.
He turns his head away from me, retracts his hands and just sits there with me straddling him. Niggling guilt shoots through me but so does a defensiveness, however, I can't say anything-not a word of comfort nor a defense. I don't have any because there is no need for them.
Harry already knows that this is what I wanted, that I am not sorry. He knows I'd do it again even if he cries about it and will do it again in the future. I will continue to tempt him, to manipulate him to get what I want.
I wouldn't have in the past but love changes people and not always for the better.
"Harry, I love you." I'm sorry that this hurts you. I'm sorry I won't stop even knowing that it does.
His jaw clenches, his eyes squint and I can't tell if he's glaring or fighting back tears. "Harry-"
"I know, alright, Hermione? I get it. Just..." Just get away from me, just stop talking, is what he doesn't say.
I sigh, biting my tongue from speaking.
"I lose, okay? You made your point. I'm weak when it comes to you. I-I...I want you," he whispers it, as if saying it louder will make it all too real. My heart surges anyway, body becoming warm all over again. "but this isn't about what we want. I've got to do what's right, Hermione. This doesn't change anything."
"This changes everything! How can you say that?"
"Because it isn't right. The world would never except it and I can't take you away from it. You are so brilliant, you can change the wizarding world and you will but how can you do that if you're with me? You'd be a disgrace-"
"I don't care about it! I don't care about them! It's laughable how easily I can leave this place behind. If the future is what's stopping you, Harry, then just forget about it! I don't have a future if you are not in it! I am not me without you."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say." His voice is harsh, biting, angry. "You are your own person! There is a you without me! We are not the same person!"
"Don't say that!"
"It's the truth! You can get on just fine and fix this world."
"I wouldn't be happy! I wouldn't feel joy! I would just be going about life day by day like I have been doing ever since you've pulled away from me. Life isn't about just going through the motions and that's exactly what it would be like for me."
Harry shakes his head slowly, assuredly.
"You don't know that." I glare at him as we hit an impasse. The thing is he's right. I don't know the future, I don't know what could happen. Maybe I would be just fine with work becoming my life.
"You're right. I don't know the future but I know that I can't love anyone but you. I might be fine getting occupational satisfaction but it would be an incomplete life. Is that what you want for me, Harry? To be incomplete?"
"What I want is to be anybody else. You have no idea-" he stops, cutting his own words off and looking away from me. I know he was about to admit something big, something he doesn't want me to know. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything."
Anger rushes through me, taking its familiar place in my heart.
"So you're not going to break up with Ginny. You're still going to carry this on?"
"Yes." His answer is sure, strong.
I wrench myself up and away from him, turning away from him as something ugly unfurls in my chest.
"Fine." I'm trembling again, this time its an unpleasant trembling, the kind that makes you feel like your a hairs breath away from losing control. "Fine. If this is what you want you've got it but you're going to regret this, Harry."
I turn away from him as he jumps up to his feet.
"What do you mean by that?" He demands, reaching out to take hold of me. I let him, turning my face toward him to smile without humor at him.
"I don't have to answer to you." I shrug out of his hand, move away from him. Harry comes following.
"Don't piss me off, Hermione. Tell me what you meant."
"It means that I'll live a whole life that you won't know about Harry. I'll do things you don't know-bad, despicable things- and you won't be able to stop me because it wouldn't be your business any longer." I shrug, pull open the entrance door. I hear Harry growl behind me but before he can do anything I slip through the door, the warmth of the castle hitting me as I rush through the crowd of people.
He doesn't have to know that I'm just saying things to deliberately get a rise out of him. I'm not going to become some sort of tramp but Harry won't know that. Let him feel a little fear, a little jealousy.
Harry is behind me. I know he wants to lunge for me since I'm just out of his reach but he can't with all these people around. I go up the stairs, dodging people left and right, trying to lose Harry.
I don't have to worry about it as a flash of red hair moves ahead of me. Ginny Weasley heads this way, her face carefully cool as we spot each other. I feel my whole body tense at just the sight of her. I hate her so much. She moves like she knows shes my rival. How this freckle-faced, quidditch-crazed, bitch actually got Harry's affections is beyond me.
Except she doesn't have his affections, not really. You think you do though, I bet you feel so smug being the girlfriend of the famous Harry Potter. I bet you think I'm just the spoiled bitchy sister of your boyfriend that can be pushed aside. But your just a sad little decoy. You have no idea that your boyfriend was just outside fingering my pussy until I came around his fingers.
I smirk darkly at these nefarious thoughts. I really am a twisted bitch but I am what Harry reduces me to.
I haven't realized that I stopped walking until Harry's hand clamps down unto my shoulder.
"Hermione-" his gruff tone breaks off again as he follows my line of sight and sees Ginny there. He doesn't say anything else as Ginny moves toward us so I look at him. His face looks like he's having a debate with himself in his mind, hints of his anger with me still on his face. I can see he's torn between continuing to yell at me or go to his girlfriend.
Ginny takes his choice away as she smiles beatifically at him. Immediately there is a monster in my chest that's demanding I wedge myself right between them and tell Ginny to sod off.
"Harry," she breathes in greeting, her light brown eyes lit with obvious adoration. I wish to pluck her eyeballs out. "Hermione," she continues with a slight incline of her head.
"Gin-" The bitch swoops up, kissing Harry on the lips in a quick greet.
I don't look away, seeing red as my hands clenched at my side. To most, this would be a very chaste and appropriate greeting for a boyfriend or girlfriend but its blasphemy to me. Harry's eyes flick to mine, assessing my face. I know I must look a fright. There is no helping it. I find it absolutely disgusting that they are together. That those lips dare to kiss another.
I suddenly have no urge to leave. Let them stew in awkwardness around me. Better that than for the Weaselette to try and pressure Harry into snogging or worse.
"Oi! Harry!"
Damn! I'm immediately annoyed by the loud obnoxious voice of the other Weasley nuisance. So is Ginny if her face is anything to go by. Ron comes up in all his tall gangly glory.
"I've been looking for you all over, mate. Oh, Gin, did you tell him already?"
I don't know if Ron just hadn't noticed my presence yet, or is just deliberately ignoring me but his eyes don't even come near my direction.
"No, not yet. I've only just seen him-"
"Hello, Ron." I greet without a hint of my aggravation or dislike for the boy.
Everyone stares at me with shock but my eyes stay on Ron's. He blinks furiously in surprise and I wonder if there had ever been a time before this where I greeted the boy in almost a friendly manner. I don't ever acknowledge anyone other than Harry. Or at least I didn't before today.
I smile as Weasley gets over his shock with a little help from Ginny elbowing his side slightly. I can feel Harry's gaze on me especially and let a smirk flash across my face for a second.
"Er...hi" He says awkwardly, his eyes going red and his gaze immediately unable to hold my own. So weak.
"How are you?" I ask, keeping my tone light and eyes direct.
"Good...?" Why it sounds like a question, I don't know. Just Weasley stupidity I suppose. Or maybe more like Ron stupidity. His elder brother all seem rather intelligent so far as I noticed.
"Right. Well, I'll see you later."
"Right, later." He responds as if he can't think properly. I smile wider at him as his eyes land on me and his face goes almost as red as a tomato. I turn away without glancing at Harry and weave through the crowd of people without looking back.
As soon as I'm away the smile is wiped off my face. I don't know how I'll manage at the Weasley's but I'll have to go with infinite patience.
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