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Behind Closed Doors	By : AnnaChase Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Lucius/Narcissa Views: 5101 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
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- 6
Chapter Five: Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes

My grief lies all within,

And these external manners of laments

Are merely shadows to the unseen grief

That swells with silence in the tortured soul.

-William Shakespeare: Richard II
In the days that followed, Narcissa discovered she was well-suited to motherhood. Young Draco was already the center of his mother’s world. Narcissa’s recovery from giving birth went well and quickly, since she was young and in good health. After a few days in bed she was allowed to rest on the sofa in the patio instead. The room was bathing in sunlight, a grand improvement from the dimly lit bedchamber. Draco’s cradle had been placed by the window, but instead he found himself in his mother’s arms almost constantly. He was a very content baby. So far he had only cried for distinct reasons, such as hunger or a wet diaper. Narcissa nursed him herself, despite her mother’s and everyone else’s protests. She was very intent on this, despite it not being Pureblood custom. Proper ladies did not change diapers or breastfeed. But Narcissa did. On this matter, it seemed Lucius was in full agreement with her. He would want nothing but the best for his son, and what could be better than his very own mother?

“Hello Narcissa.”

She looked up at the sound of Severus Snape’s voice. He stood in the doorframe, looking terribly out of place under such happy circumstances.

“Oh, Severus, hello. Do come in. How wonderful you’ve stopped by,” she greeted him warmly. Ever since Draco was a day old there had been an endless stream of visitors coming to see the new Malfoy heir. Most were distant relatives she barely knew; it was a relief to see a more familiar face. Especially since Narcissa had to deal with the visitors on her own. Lucius was dreadfully busy with his work for the Dark Lord. He barely had time to sleep, let alone adjust to fatherhood.

“I’ve come to offer my congratulations,” Severus announced, taking a seat by the young mother and her son. “How is he? And you? I must say you both look remarkably well.”

“Thank you,” she smiled in response. “We’re both well,” she sat up a little and removed the soft blue blanket from the baby’s face so that Severus could get a proper look at him. She could tell the man was not quite at ease, so she decided not to offer he held the baby. It might make him uncomfortable and, more importantly, she preferred to hold him herself. She was very protective of him and so far the only other people that had held him were his father and grandparents.

“He looks like you,” Severus responded dutifully.

“Do you really think so?” Narcissa smiled at her sleeping baby. Women had children every day, but only now that she had one for herself did she realize what a miracle it was. In his small features she could already spot traits of herself and Lucius.

“Severus, I am so grateful,” she continued, looking up for a brief moment; she could barely tear her eyes away from her son. “Without your help he would not even be here. I will not forget.”

“I believe you overestimate my part in it. Even wizards cannot force nature, Narcissa,” Severus said. “If we could, we would live in a utopia without death, poverty or any other misfortune. I assure you young Draco would not be here if your body weren’t entirely capable of conceiving a child on its own. All the potion did was heighten the chances at the right moment. “

“I suppose you are right,” Narcissa agreed finally. It was a relief, somehow.

“In fact, I believe the potion will no longer be necessary should you wish to have other children in the future.”

“Oh, I doubt I will want others,” Narcissa responded. “I love Draco so much, I don’t think I’d be capable of loving another as much,” she mused.

“I see,” Severus said. “Well, if there is anything I can do to be of use to you, make sure to let me know.”

“There is something, now that you mention it.” Narcissa sat up to put the baby against her shoulder; he was waking up and started to make little noises of discontent. She rubbed his back, charmed once more by how soft he felt against her body. As natural as if he were meant to be just there.

“Lucius is very busy now, but we’ve discussed this. We have both come to value you greatly as a friend and you’ve done so much for both of us. We were wondering if you would do us the honour of becoming Draco’s godfather?”

This surely caught Severus off guard. He might have expected any question but this. “Me?” he inquired in surprise. “I admit I didn’t expect… Why not choose Rodolphus instead?”

“He would have been the more obvious choice indeed,” Narcissa agreed with a quiet laugh. “Yet we’ve decided to go for the less obvious choice. Lucius and I both feel that, should the need ever arise, you would be able to keep Draco safe. Of course it is likely the job will merely be a symbolic one.”

“Of course,” he nodded and glanced from mother to baby as if considering. “The honour would be all mine. Draco will have my protection, should the need arise.”
Throughout the months that followed the young family did their best to survive under the unruly circumstances of war. Narcissa devoted herself entirely to her son, attempting to keep all the danger out by locking herself in a bubble of joy. Draco did give her so much joy; she could stare at him for hours without getting bored. He thrived on his mother’s milk and looked in perfect health. Narcissa was currently in the drawing room, waiting for Lucius to come home. He was picking up his father from the Ministry of Magic, where Abraxas would arrive by portkey after a hunting trip in Romania. Draco, who was now six months old, had just fallen asleep in her arms. She ought to put him down, but could not bring herself to do so just yet. Perhaps Lucius might like to hold him for a while after he came home. Narcissa could see that he loved his son, yet the interest he showed in him was one of polite interest only. He stated that it was different for men; that a father’s role only started truly when the child was older. The mother’s role was most important at this stage. She supposed he was right, but at times she was disappointed Lucius did not share her elated state about their son.

Lucius was taking much longer than usual to collect Abraxas. Perhaps the portkey was delayed, Narcissa mused. It was a busy time of the year to travel abroad after all. Yet she could not let go of the thought that something had happened. She was soon proved right, for when a loud ‘Crack!’ announced Lucius’s arrival by apparition, he was alone. His face was dark with worry and he appeared to have aged ten years in the course of an hour.

“It’s my father,” he announced gravely. “He’s got dragon pox.”
Narcissa and Draco were immediately transferred to the Lestrange Manor to stay with her sister and brother-in-law. Dragon pox was highly contagious and life-threatening to children and elders. Lucius remained with his father and the Healers and nurses that were immediately called upon. He had had dragon pox as a child, so was no longer prone to contagion.

“Lucius fears he might not come through it,” Narcissa said. She sat on the sofa with Bella and Rodolphus, clutching a mug of tea to help warm her up. The whole situation had been quite a fright to her. “He says it’s just a matter of time…”

At the very least baby Draco did not appear upset by the situation. In their hurry to leave the house before Abraxas arrived, Narcissa had not had time to collect any of his things. Therefore he now lay sleeping on the other end of the sofa, with pillows on either side to prevent him from rolling off.

“He could last days,” Bella commented. “If you ask me the old fool will drag this out to the very last drop, just to annoy everyone.”

“It’s sad, though,” Narcissa frowned, staring into the fireplace. “Especially for Lucius. I wish he could have had a chance at a better relationship with his father. I thought perhaps now that we have the heir Abraxas wanted so much, and with old age…” Who was she fooling, though? Abraxas would have never softened up, and he would never be the father Lucius so needed. Nothing his son did was ever good enough. Even now they had Draco; there was always something to criticize.

“How will Lucius take it?” Rodolphus inquired, seeming more interested in the baby than his wife.

Narcissa sometimes wondered if Bella’s dislike for children was truly genuine or whether it had something to do with her inability to conceive one of her own. Bella’s infertility had been discovered during the examination before her wedding to Rodolphus. It was custom Pureblood girls were examined beforehand to make sure they were as ‘pure’ as their blood, and capable of childbearing. Not that Bella had ever been maternal, but she had wanted to do her duty. By then she had already been involved with the Death Eaters, though, and would soon discover her destiny lay elsewhere. And Rodolphus had married her anyway, leaving the task to provide an heir up to his brother Rabastan. So supposedly all had turned out right, but now that Narcissa knew the joys of motherhood she could not imagine anyone would come to terms with infertility.

“I expect it will be very hard on him,” she answered Rodolphus’s question. “And it’s such a ghastly illness, too. We won’t be able to enter the house until it’s cleansed completely after his death. It might take days. I do worry about the funeral arrangements. All these people that will want to attend, from all across Europe.”

“Don’t you worry over that now,” Bella eased her. “What’s mine is yours, we can lodge them here and you stay as long as you need. It would be a nuisance, though,” she sighed and stood up to pour herself another much-needed drink. “I do hate playing the benevolent hostess.”
The waiting did not take as long as Bella had predicted; the very same evening Lucius arrived by Floo powder. At first Narcissa had thought he would simply come and tell them how things were, but his face looked so grave the message was obvious.

“It’s over,” Lucius said, entering the room with a look of gloom and disbelief on his face.

Narcissa’s desire to comfort her husband was overwhelming. It struck her how lost he seemed. She embraced him before he had the chance to say any more and clung to him as if trying to make things all right with her warmth.

“Darling,” she spoke quietly, “I am so sorry.”

Instead of responding to his wife’s embrace, Lucius rather pulled away from it. He sank down in an armchair, covering his face with his hands. For a moment Narcissa wondered whether he was crying, but when he looked back up his eyes were as dry as ever.

“It’s too late to summon the undertaker now,” he spoke, focusing mainly on practicalities. “We’ll have to do that in the morning. There’s a lot of work to be done. Hundreds of people… We can duplicate the invitations but we’ll have to write out the addresses… He wanted golden ink. “

Narcissa crouched down on the floor in front of his chair and took his hands. “We’ll manage, Lucius,” she said quietly, pressing a kiss to his hands. “We’ll help you with everything, but you have to think about yourself now. Can I get you anything? A drink? Have you eaten at all?” she reached out to caress a strand of hair from his face, but he stopped her.

“Not now, Narcissa,” he said sternly.

Narcissa looked a little lost at her husband’s response. She had prepared herself to fully devote herself to his grief and needs. That he would not be receptive to her attentions she had hardly considered. But this was a broken man. Ever since his youth Lucius had formed his life to suit his father’s will, and it was never good enough. It never would have been, but Lucius was blind to that knowledge and sought the fault in himself. All he could see now was that his father had died thinking him a worthless son, and would take that perception with him to eternity.

“We’ll be upstairs, let me know if you need anything,” Bella broke the awkward moment by embracing her sister briefly, before she turned to Lucius. “Lucius. My condolences.”

Rodolphus followed suit, but Lucius could barely incline his head in acceptance, lost in his own bleeding heart.
They had been given a suite that matched the splendor of their own manor. The Lestranges were a match to the Malfoys in wealth and heritage, so their manors were equally spacious and decorated in the Victorian style so often used in Pureblood ancestry. Narcissa had chosen to keep the baby in the room with them. She worried he would be upset if he woke up in a strange room, especially since he was bound to notice there was something wrong anyway. She had quickly transfigured a chair into a cradle and was now lovingly tucking Draco in. Lucius, meanwhile, had already laid down on top of the covers fully-clothed, simply staring at the ceiling. They were in for a long night.

To give him some time to be alone, Narcissa quietly slipped into the bathroom adjacent to their room. She took her time changing and preparing herself for the night while she carefully listened whether the baby was crying. He usually slept through the nights now, but had never spent the night out of the comforts of his own nursery.

“Lucius, are you asleep?” she finally whispered upon her return. All the lights were off, and with the absence of the moon the room bathed in complete darkness. Somehow she found her way to the bed.

“No, I’m awake,” he admitted.

She attempted to embrace him again. She would have given him her body for comfort should he desire it, but he wanted nothing. He laid rigid and barely responsive, causing her to give up eventually.

Neither of them slept that night. Lucius because of his grief; unable to express himself. The traditional Pureblood upbringing was after all quick to call anything emotional a sign of weakness. Several times during the night they were disturbed by their crying son, unusually fussy. It was almost as if Draco understood what was wrong, and shed the tears his father could not.
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Behind Closed Doors