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Extracts from the Diary of S. Snape	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 9296 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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Have forgotten to say that this is based on a mixture of movie/novel canon (and veers wildly away from both!) SP
Severus Snape and the Quad-Wizard Tournament (1994 - 1995)

Enjoying the last fortnight of freedom, Snape sipped a fire whisky. He knew that the Quidditch World Cup was on, and contemplated putting the radio on to listen to the game. But he really didn't care for Quidditch unless he was watching fit young man dashing after balls. And one Seeker can dash after my balls any time he likes! He sniggered to himself as he re-filled the tumbler.
“Severus?! It's Harry!” Albus' voice woke him from his reverie (and thankfully also deflated his cock).
What about Harry you irritating man?! Tell me!
“The Quidditch World Cup... Death Eaters!”
Oh, shit, no. Please no. Not Harry.
Dumbledore made his way into the room and gasped for breath. Hands shaking slightly, Snape held out the decanter. Albus gulped straight from it, much to Severus' astonishment.
“What happened?” Snape asked, nails digging into his palms.
“Death Eaters turned up after the game,” Albus said, slugging back another few sickles worth of fire whisky, “burnt the place down. And... and...”
AND???
“The Dark Mark, Severus. Someone set off the Dark Mark. We haven't found a body yet, but we're still looking.”
Oh Merlin, please, they killed Harry? Or kidnapped him? Oh, no, no, no, not Harry.
“Harry was nearby and saw who cast the Mark, but he didn't recognise them.”
AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO LEAD WITH THAT INSTEAD OF MAKING ME THINK HARRY WAS DEAD?!
“He's … he's uninjured?” Snape managed to choke out.
Albus drained the last of the decanter. “Thankfully, yes, but I'm more convinced than ever that I did the right thing protecting him with Moody as well as you, Severus. You've always looked after him so well.”
Snape felt the fear diminish and it wasn't until after Albus had left that he realised he was still on Harry watching duty.
---
In uniform, Harry was nowhere near as enticing to the Potions Master. Snape did still clench his hands into fists at the thought of bending Harry over, but the raging desperation that had made him wank himself raw when he had first spied the boy in his Muggle surroundings had abated. Somewhat.
Irritated to be ignored for the DADA role again, he at least felt that Moody was capable of teaching them what they needed to know. Although, when the crazy bastard finally turned up at the feast, Severus had felt a shiver run through him, an instinctive aversion to the other man. It was far stronger than anything he had felt during the holiday and wondered why he was so uncomfortable around the ex-Auror now. Maybe it's because I'm worried he'll see what my filthy little mind wants to do to Harry.
He let his mind wander as October came and Dumbledore blithered on about the Tri-Wizard Tournament and welcomed the other two schools. Suppressing a yawn as the French girls made their grand entrance, he kept an eye fixed on Harry to see how he was reacting to it all. His idiotic friend Weasley was flushed and starry eyed, but Harry had seemed unfazed by the demonstration. In fact, he had thrown Severus an amused glance before pretending to be interested.
When the Durmstrang students had arrived, Harry had seemed far more engaged, especially when he had recognised Viktor Krum. Then his eyes had gone a little starry, and his cheeks flushed.
Oh, Harry, are you interested in the sterner sex?
---
Severus' life settled into its usual pattern for the first two months – avoid hexing the Gryffindors, dodge Albus' attempts to talk to him or give him more tasks, keep well away from Moody, and try not to let his eyes linger too much on one Harry Potter, who seemed quite happy to be looked at. Certainly, on the few occasions when their eyes had met, Harry had turned away first, a faint blush staining his cheeks. It was all very intriguing. Apart from the tiny issue that Harry was fourteen. Whenever Severus remembered this he felt dirty and had to quickly run off and shower, as though scrubbing his body would scrub his mind of its perverted notions. Of course, being in a shower, and thinking about Harry usually led to one part of him becoming very interested, and it usually ended with Snape curling a hand around himself and pumping madly, trying to keep his mind clear of Harry's lips, arse, hair, eyes...
Halloween rolled around, and with it the selection of the Tri-Wizard Champions. Although Severus would have preferred a Slytherin Champion for Hogwarts, he had to admit that Diggory certainly looked the part. Too, the boy was a good student and hopefully wouldn't do too badly in the competition. Snape had had no idea which girl was the French school's champion, they all looked identical to him, but he clapped politely enough when she was selected. Krum looked a moody bastard but then most of the Durmstrangs did. And then, the Hogwarts champion had come fluttering out, followed by a fourth name.
Four champions in the TRI-Wizard Tournament?
“Harry Potter.”
Snape stared helplessly at the youngster as the green eyes widened in disbelief. Harry sank down on the bench, hands threading into his hair as he tried to ignore the headmaster's voice. When he finally walked forwards, Severus admired the messy locks and emerald eyes that were again making his balls ache, even with the fear curling in his gut.
Snape sprang up and hurried into the room that held the other three champions. When Harry joined them he looked so lost that Severus had to grind his teeth together to keep from comforting the boy.
Of course, Severus had not wanted Harry to take part in the competition, but when Minerva began screaming that the child was far too young, he had to take the opposite view. Dumbledore needed to be presented with two options, even if privately Severus wanted to stand in front of the scared idiot and block any harm that came his way.
And, obviously the one time Albus agrees with me is when I don't want him to!
---
The only thing that kept Snape from yelling in terror when Harry faced the first task was the knowledge that any out of character behaviour would have brought Moody down on him like a ton of bricks, and would have earned him another of those dreaded 'chats' with Albus. Instead he had stuck his hands in his pockets and dug his nails into his thighs to relieve the tension he had felt. When the egg had been captured, Severus had felt nearly giddy with joy. The smile he had worn had caused a few students to give him very wide births, but he didn't care, Harry had survived and would be able to complete the second task.
The one good point about the whole mess was that all the staff seemed to have clubbed together to help Harry, and, to a lesser extent, Diggory too. But it was really the younger boy that everyone was worried about.
---
The week before the second task, Albus suddenly pulled Severus into his office. “I need to talk with you,” he said, his voice and expression stern.
Not sure what had provoked the other's ire, Snape agreed and settled into a chair.
“I've spoken with the four champions, as we need someone important to them for the second task. Generally the people are exactly whom one would expect – siblings and current partners. But can you explain why one student seems to value you above his friends?”
Snape went very still.
Knowing he hadn't actually done anything wrong, Severus began scouring his mind to explain Diggory's inexplicable liking for him. After all, it was hardly going to be Krum who barely knew him, nor Harry, who had made up with the Weasel after the first task and who was his firm friend again. He scowled as he considered but nothing came to mind. Snape told Dumbledore so and received a weary, “Very well, Severus. I trust you.”
Feeling oddly as though he had violated the Hufflepuff, Snape wandered down to his quarters, confused. He usually felt baffled and irate after a conversation with the older wizard, but this bone deep confusion was something new.
---
Whatever emotion Diggory had thought he felt, clearly Albus had managed to find a way to hide it, as Cedric had rescued Cho Chang from the Black Lake, whilst Harry had been hunting for the Weasley, as expected. What was unexpected was the Granger being Krum's 'plus one'. Fleur, after being beaten by Grindylows (and really, that was just piss poor), had been inconsolable at the thought of not saving her little sister. But, as was quite normal by now, Potter had come to the rescue.
Snape had felt quite bitter when Granger had thrown a blanket around Harry, hiding the body that was being rather noticeably revealed by the clinging wet clothes. But even those few moments of delectable arse had been enough for Severus to need to change his underwear as his seed had leaked rather too enthusiastically out of him. Sitting, as he was, in the stands, he had been surprised when the boy had pulled his blanket tight about him and stared up as though searching for someone. Having the unnerving notion that Harry was gazing at him, he had scowled and mouthed, “Gillyweed?!”
Harry had given a wry smile in return and then paid more attention to his friends.
---
Snape had made a real effort for the Yule Ball. He had worn his favourite black clothes and pulled on his usual black cloak, but, and here was the difference, he had decided against black underwear and was instead wearing briefs that were the same colour as Harry's eyes. Those, and a comb through his lank hair was enough to set him up for his patrolling walk of the grounds, cock blocking all the annoying brats who thought that they could cop a feel because it was a special occasion.
He had made a brief appearance in the Great Hall and quickly exited, feeling his briefs taking the strain. Harry, in his dress robes, looked older, almost legal. And that frightened Severus. If he began thinking of Harry as nearly a man, then he was horribly aware that his control would slip and he'd do something that he'd regret forever (well, until Albus found out and killed him for it).
So, it was better for everyone if he avoided the hall and stalked around outside, feeling the material of his underwear stroke softly against his throbbing cock and hexing anyone who even gave him the glimmer of an attitude.
Unfortunately, he had also been dragged into a cupboard by Karkoroff (Merlin knew what the students thought they were getting up to in there!) and shown the other's Dark Mark. Snape rolled his eyes, his own Mark was quite dark enough without him being shown another one.
“Run if you want,” Severus had sneered, “I don't intend to.” But then he had reason to expect at least the smidgen of a warm reception from the Dark Lord, when he eventually made his reappearance. Igor, after ratting out several Death Eaters (Snape included), could hardly expect anything other than an “Avada Kedavra” as his welcome.
After that he had gone back into the hall, and been both relieved and disappointed that Harry was no longer there. A few older students were still dancing, and some teachers (urgh, Hagrid and Maxime) too, but there was little reason to remain up now.
“Professor?” the whisper was barely audible, but Snape's senses were attuned to that particular voice.
“Potter?” Severus looked about but couldn't see the boy.
Harry slid out from behind a suit of armour and gave Snape a smile. “Want a dance?” he asked.
“And what bet did you lose to have to ask me that?” Severus snarled.
Harry's face fell and Snape knew he had been right. As usual, during these kind of events, students tended to get silly and one would often end up dared to do something that was more suicidal than brave. As the resident evil bastard, Severus had generally been the target of these bets, and, over the years, had somehow avoided killing any of the little shits. No matter how often Albus might rebuke him for his less than stellar attitude, the older man had no idea of how professional Severus really was, as he hadn't yet ever jinxed one of the hormone riddled morons for suggesting something stupid.
“Well, go and collect your winnings. You've asked and lived to tell the tale,” he instructed, making a shooing motion.
Shoulders slumped, Harry shuffled away.
Severus shook his head and went to his chamber, dreaming of dancing with Harry and kissing him and being kissed back in return. After that, the dream became the usual perverted fare with Harry at its core.
---
As the third task had approached, Severus had felt the ache in the pit of his stomach that denoted fear beginning to build. He still felt uneasy around Moody, but as the other man spent most of his time in his room, or helping Harry, Snape didn't object too much. He knew that it had been Alastor who had helped Harry with the first task, and he had probably suggested Harry open the egg underwater too. (That was another of Snape's fantasies – discovering Harry in the bath with the egg before proceeding to slide into the hot wet body)
The third task, with its maze and all the inherent dangers, was more problematic. Snape had asked Albus if he could be stationed in the labyrinth, just in case someone got into urgent trouble, and the older wizard, with concerned blue eyes, had agreed. That eased Severus' fretting, as he was going to make sure anything even remotely dangerous was nowhere near the boy he fantasied about.
Severus did wonder at the quality of the 'proper' competitors that a boy noticeably younger than them had done rather well and stood a good chance of winning. Still, now that the third task was finally here and Harry was making his way towards the centre of the maze, Severus felt desperately protective of the young idiot and worried too that the Dark Mark on his arm was beginning to sting.
When Harry vanished, Severus gaped helplessly; horror filled him as he stared at the pedestal that had held the cup and which was now devoid of cup and two boys. Watching, begging mentally for someone to help and save the foolish lad, Snape screamed in agony as his Dark Mark burned him. Clutching his arm, he dropped to his knees fighting back the urge to be sick. He let his head hit the cool grass and a most un-Snape-like whimper edged out of his mouth. There was no noise of the crowd in the labyrinth, no sense of anyone else being near. Never had Severus felt more cut off from humanity.
Rising, he staggered out of the maze, arm still feeling as though it were being stabbed with red hot needles, and came face to face with tragedy. Harry was on the ground, staring up at Dumbledore, tears streaking down his cheeks, crouched over a very still Cedric Diggory. Snape rushed forward, the agony in his limb forgotten as he tried to reassure himself that what he was seeing wasn't right. The lad couldn't be dead. But, Snape dropped to his knees and touched the slack flesh, looked into the sightless eyes and turned his own desolate gaze up to the headmaster.
Someone was talking gruffly to Harry, urging him to his feet and helping the stumbling boy to the castle. Severus' head snapped up: someone was removing Harry from Dumbledore's protection.
Cedric's father was moaning over the dead boy and as much as Snape knew he should remain and protect the students from the dreadful sight, Diggory was gone, but Harry was still in danger. Wand out, he rose and ran towards the castle, knowing his action would cause murmurs and just not caring in that moment. Let them think anything they liked, even the truth – that he was in love with Harry Potter. That brought him up short and he tripped. In love with Harry Potter?!
Not now, Severus, really not now!
He got up, nearly tripping back over his long robes and spied Albus heading up the path behind him. The two of them raced to the castle and to Moody's quarters. Severus couldn't get his head around it; what the hell would Alastor Moody be doing that would put Harry's life in danger? But the tingling in his body told him that Harry was in desperate danger, and if they didn't hurry it might be too late.
Severus crashed into the room, wand held high and stared at the twitching man. He still retained some of Moody's features, but they were melting and shifting into someone else. Someone he recognised and gasped at. Barty Crouch Junior.
Dumbledore's wrath was terrifying to see, and Snape hurried to Harry's side, hating the blood dripping from the long cut there, and cast a spell to heal the wound. He wanted to pull Harry into his arms but knew there was no way that gesture would be welcomed by the boy, even at his most distressed.
Snape handed over Veritaserum when requested and waited by Harry as the sordid truth came out. Finally, Albus turned to him with real sorrow in his face and said, “You know what I'm going to ask you to do.”
Severus nodded, unable to keep looking at Dumbledore. He glanced down at Harry instead, and that green gaze on him, looking with such pity and pride, almost undid him. Rubbing his still painful arm, he left to face his first master.
---
Severus returned to the Death Eaters, to Voldemort, and knelt low, begging for forgiveness for not responding at once to the call, for his frailty in ever doubting the Dark Lord's powers, and his weakness for hiding behind Dumbledore's cloak tails.
Standing around the edge, Snape felt Lucius' pity, Bellatrix's contempt, and a lot of smug satisfaction from those Death Eaters who had so far avoided being punished. They all scented that Voldemort's fury was about to descend on a hapless target and crowded closer, wanting to see the blood and pain.
The Dark Lord's clear high voice spoke, “You shall be granted a chance to explain your frankly traitorous decisions, Severus, and I shall discipline you as you deserve. But in private. For now, go into the small ante chamber and await my pleasure.”
The audience sagged, denied a chance to watch another human being in misery, and Severus crawled away, knowing he was lucky to have survived the first few moments at all. The side room was cold, but he fought against the shivering, knowing that, if nothing else, Harry had made it back after facing this monster. Maybe, if he was very lucky, he would manage the same miracle.
“Severus, I am most disappointed in you. I would welcome your explanation. Bellatrix is convinced you are Dumbledore's lap dog, but I can see into your mind in ways even she cannot, and you are still mine, are you not, my severe one?”
Mental shields firmly in place, Snape let his false adoration for this man leak out and suffuse everything he said. “My Lord, I wish only to serve you. My death at your hand would be the crowning glory of my life, but I know I don't deserve even the attention granted by you as you destroy me.”
Voldemort, quietly twirling his wand in his hands, smiled coldly, “Still able to use words to your advantage, Severus. Just like Lucius. But you, at least, never disappoint me. He has always sided with me because he thinks it will bring him power. You understand the problems our kind face if we mingle with the Muggles and their ilk.” He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was cold, “Now tell me, Severus, why you were slow to answer. Tell the truth!”
“My Lord, I felt your mark and ached to join you at once. But I was at the school, and I knew that had I done so, Dumbledore would no longer have been fooled by my claims of repentance. He believes in love, believes that I could ever degrade myself to have loved a Mudblood, and he thinks that my memory of her keeps me loyal now. I admit freely, my Lord, that I was afraid to return to your side: I have failed you so much since you left us, and I am ashamed of the doubts I had when there was no sign of you that I could see.
“But, it was not that that stayed my hand. Because I waited until Dumbledore ordered me back, he remains convinced that I am here out of loyalty to him, rather than that I waited for him to tell me to do what I had longed to do from the moment I felt my link to you alight. He is now more sure than ever that I am his creature, not a free man who recognises the greatest wizard in the world and willingly chooses servitude to him.”
Voldemort made a noise like “hmmm,” but made no other comment.
Snape felt that he might survive after all. Dumbledore might believe in the power of love, but the Dark Lord was blinded in his own way: he wanted some of his followers to always be loyal. Some he knew only stayed out of fear, but the ones who had chosen him because of their own cruel instincts he longed to keep. And he longed to keep and trust Severus.
“All those opportunities you wasted, Severus, all those chances to kill the Boy Who Lived, and yet you did not take them. Tell me why.”
Severus added a few more shields. There was no way he could let his feelings for Harry anywhere near the surface of his mind. “My Lord, I thought you defeated. I never understood your claims to have mastered immortality, and yet, I can see it must be true for you are still here. I loathe the boy because he is mediocre but lauded for an accidental event. But, my Lord, even I could hardly escape Dumbledore's judgement had I murdered the child. And, I admit freely, Dumbledore's protection kept me out of Azkaban.”
“You spin neat stories, Severus, but you never seek to cover your failings. I find it rather refreshing after having heard pitiful justifications all night from my feebler followers. And now, what will you do?”
Snape drew in a breath, but hid the fact he was doing so. It would never do for the Dark Lord to suspect he was being played. “I will do whatever you desire of me, my Lord. Fourteen years spent with Dumbledore have let me know the true measure of the man and his failings, and I would gladly share my observations with you, knowing you will no doubt understand more than I.”
“Would you like to remain at the school?” Voldemort's voice was soft.
“It is comfortable and, other than bringing with it the constant headache of teaching moronic children, relatively stress free. Perhaps some other servant of yours would be able to infiltrate the castle and learn more of Dumbledore and his plans for the useless boy. Perhaps you see another area where I can serve you more helpfully. Merely direct me, my Lord, and I shall obey.”
Another “hmmm,” came from Voldemort, but Snape knew he would remain at the school. And that was all he asked – to stay there and protect Harry, and watch the boy from afar, to choke down his need for the youth and be what he could be for the young wizard. With Harry in his life, even in some small way, he didn't feel the yoke of Voldemort's ownership quite so heavily.
---
Next year: Severus Snape and the Fluffy Pink Bitch
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Extracts from the Diary of S. Snape