Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Black Me Out	By : JBankai89 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 13003 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, I gain nothing from this but a way to pass the time.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Chapter Five – Unconditional Love

“So let me get this straight,” Draco said, his hand swinging at his side, his fingers intertwined with Harry's. They passed by the edge of the lake closest to the forest as they grazed on the pasties that they'd swiped from the kitchens. “Even though your dogfather already knows me—we're cousins for Merlin's sake—he wants to have dinner with the two of us. Why, exactly?”

“Godfather, you arse,” Harry replied without any real venom in his tone. “It's a sort of rite of passage thing. When your child gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, it's customary among...er, people to have them meet the parents, which for me is just Sirius. He's threatening to embarrass the hell out of me if we don't meet with him. I'll be embarrassed as hell anyway, but meeting with him is sort of the lesser of the two evils.”

For a moment, it seemed as though Draco was going to ask what Sirius had threatened him with; his eyes gleamed as he gazed at Harry. After a moment Draco seemed to deflate, and the question never made it past his lips. He gave Harry's hand a gentle tug, and pulled him in to a clumsy embrace. Harry grinned at him as he leaned in for a kiss.

“All right then,” Draco said when they'd parted, “if that's what you really want.”

“It's not,” Harry said with a chuckle, “but at least it won't be quite as embarrassing as dancing with Parvati at the Yule Ball.”

“I'm a much better dance partner anyway,” Draco purred, lifting Harry's hand and using it to twirl himself before he swept in for a chaste kiss, made slightly difficult by Harry's laughter.

“You're a little bit insane, do you know that?” Harry asked, and Draco merely smirked.

~*~

“Draco Malfoy,” Sirius said, clapping the blond on his shoulder, hard enough to jar him slightly. He exchanged a glance with Harry, then the pair looked back to the older man. “I must say this makes for a nice change, snogging my godson instead of trying to hex him, I mean.”

“Sirius!” Harry felt his face flush, and Draco was decidedly unhelpful, the hand intertwined with Harry's moving to his waist, as he chuckled.

“The payoff is better, certainly,” Draco replied smoothly, and Harry felt himself flush again.

“Come along you two crazy lovebirds,” Sirius said, motioning towards one of Hogsmeade's newer restaurants, Aux Vivres, a restaurant that was slightly more posh than the Three Broomsticks. “I've got a private table reserved and we can get re-acquainted.”

Bracing himself for a couple of hours of near-constant embarrassment, Harry followed Sirius into the restaurant, and who spoke quietly to the hostess. She nodded at Sirius's words, and led them back into an area that wasn't exactly a private room, but private enough that they didn't need to worry about any sensitive information being overheard.

“Not bad Black,” Draco remarked as he settled into his seat alongside Harry in the circular booth, and a bottle of elf-made wine materialized upon the table between them.

“Call me Sirius,” Sirius said with a faint smirk, opening the bottle manually with an ordinary corkscrew and set it back down to aerate for a few minutes. He sipped at his water goblet before he continued. “We're practically family.”

“Well technically, aren't you?” Harry asked with a cocked eyebrow, “like third cousins twice removed or something?”

Sirius scowled at Harry, who grinned in response.

“Second cousins, actually, but only by blood since dear Auntie Walburga disinherited him.”

“You're one to talk,” Harry said with a snicker, remembering their conversation from a few days earlier. Draco's cheeks tinted a faint pink, but despite his nonchalance it was clear that it was still a sore subject for him. Harry quickly scrambled to find another topic to fill the silence. “Er, Sirius, have you heard anything from Mrs Weasley, about Ron, I mean?”

Under the table, Draco's hand found his, and he offered it a gentle squeeze. Harry returned it readily, as he felt a warmth pool in the pit of his stomach at the sensation.

“Nothing for a while,” he said with a shrug, and picked up the wine bottle to fill each of their glasses in turn. “Last I heard he's under house arrest, and she's furious. She wanted to write you and extend her apologies for what happened, but I don't how you'd feel about that, so I asked her not to.”

“I wonder if she'd say the same if she knew why Ron turned on me,” Harry mumbled sullenly, immediately regretting bringing it up at all.

“She would,” Sirius said at once, “I know she would, Harry. Molly isn't one to be so closed-minded. Who the hell knows where Ron got it from.” Sirius took a sip of his wine, his expression deepening into a frown.

“Percy maybe,” Harry said, sipping his own wine and while he squeezed Draco's hand a little more tightly. “He's always been kind of known as the uptight one, but I thought he'd gotten better after—after everything.” Harry's voice dropped to a whisper and his throat tightened. The image of Fred's sightless eyes and Percy clinging to him was still seared into his mind, and even almost a year later, it was still difficult to remember that he was gone.

“Who knows,” Sirius replied with a shrug, his even tone telling Harry that he was keen to get away from the depressing subject.

“Now Draco,” he said, turning his attention to Harry's companion. “Harry has told me that you've been working on improving the Malfoy name by donating a good portion of your gold to the Albus Dumbledore House. Philanthropy aside, do you have any plans after you finish Hogwarts?”

Harry stared at Sirius in surprise. Of all the questions he'd expected his godfather to ask Draco, that certainly hadn't been high on the list. It was so...parental. It was strange to see from someone like Sirius. Draco too seemed a little thrown by the question, and he paused for a long moment before he answered.

“I haven't thought about it in the sense of a fully fleshed-out plan,” Draco began, pausing when their hors d'oeuvres platter appeared between them. Harry helped himself to some sort of cheese and cucumber canapé while he listened. “I have a lot of work to do to show the general public that I'm not my father. With my school marks, I could do anything I like, but not many employers are scrambling to hire the son of a Death Eater. Putting my money towards good causes is my focus right now.”

Harry stared, but shook his head a little and busied himself with his wine in an effort to hide his shock, while Sirius and Draco continued chatting politely, punctuating their words with bites of the available appetizers. Sure, he'd heard Draco mention these kinds of things before, but he sounded so put together, so much more the adult, at least compared to Harry. He felt momentarily jealous that Draco had such a clear plan of his life after Hogwarts, while all Harry had been doing was stress over his Potions coursework to make sure he had the right marks to get into the Auror program. Beyond that, he had absolutely no idea what his life would be like, especially now that he wasn't constantly looking over his shoulder for Voldemort or his cronies.

“Sorry, what?” Harry shook his head, realizing too late that Draco had asked him a question. He felt himself flush with embarrassment for spacing out.

“I asked if you were finished with the canapé and were ready to order?” Draco asked, a slight edge of annoyance in his voice. Harry couldn't exactly blame him, he had a bad habit of spacing out with Draco, though it was never completely intentional.

“Er—yeah, sure. I'll just be right back,” Harry said in a jumbled rush, his face still a little red with embarrassment.

“Where are you going?” Draco asked with worry edging his words.

“I'm not taking off,” Harry replied with a faint smile, “nature calls.”

“Be careful,” Sirius said simply, and Harry exchanged a significant look with his godfather.

Harry nodded once, and figured Sirius would explain it to Draco in his absence. He slipped out of the booth and towards the bathrooms, and stopped in front of the gendered bathroom doors. He took a slow breath to steady himself before he slipped into the Men's Room.

“Please, please, please, please...” Harry whispered under his breath as he passed over the threshold, and sighed with relief when he found the room to be empty. He darted past the urinals to the solitary stall and did what he needed to do as quickly as possible, washed his hands and slipped out, just as an elderly man stepped in. No matter how many years he'd been using the Men's lavatory, it was always nerve-wracking for him. There was always that chance that someone would figure it out, and a violent reaction was always a very real possibility.

Harry sat down heavily next to Draco, who was eyeing him a little differently than he had when he'd left. His assumption that Sirius had explained their exchange in his absence was validated, and Harry offered Draco a faint smile as he turned to the menu that had appeared while he was gone, resting over an empty plate in front of him.

Just like the Yule Ball, they only needed to tell their plates what they wanted, and it appeared almost instantly. Harry tucked into his paella, and slowly the three of them fell into light conversation, that thankfully did not involve anything anywhere near as embarrassing as Harry had expected.

The topic of Harry's gender identity never came up, which surprised Harry, as he had half-expected Draco to question Sirius about it. He was thankful however that Draco's treatment of him never shifted to the point where he felt as though he was being regarded as a girl. Draco treated the same as he had when he'd first started pestering Harry towards the end of March, and such a small thing was deeply gratifying, especially after everything that had happened with Ron and Seamus.

Unfortunately, it was over individual, towering slices of Death by Chocolate that Draco's curiosity broke, and he finally began to ask.

“So—er, Sirius, I've been wondering...” Draco began, twirling his dessert fork through the sauce on his plate, and Sirius exchanged a look with Harry. Oh boy, Harry thought, here we go. “How did you know about—I mean, how did you know Harry was...what he was?”

Harry pressed his lips into a thin line, appreciative of Draco's feeble attempt at asking while maintaining some level of political correctness, though he still wasn't keen to discuss it. That person was dead. He was Harry. Just Harry.

“How any parent would know about their child,” Sirius said with a proud smile, “you just know. Harry's interest in certain things, questions Harry would ask, and of course Albus knew a tricky little charm to verify my suspicions.”

“What sort of questions?” Draco asked keenly, and Harry saw that familiar Marauders glint in Sirius's eye.

“Sirius don't you dare,” Harry said, already feeling his face grow warm.

“Be a good sport Harry, it's funny!” He grinned, and Harry shook his head with an annoyed glare.

“I was six! Seriously Sirius, don't you fuc—” Sirius flicked his wand at Harry, cutting his words off with a nonverbal Silencing Charm, and he turned to Draco. Harry let out a silent, mortified groan and buried his tomato-red face in his hands.

“He was six, as Harry said,” Sirius began with a wide grin, while Harry had a mad urge to simply crawl under the table completely. “And he toddled up to me one day after breakfast, and went,” Sirius paused and took on a high, childlike tone of voice, “'Sirius, when is my pee-pee gonna grow?' That was sort of the clincher, but he was just so earnest about it. It was too cute.” Sirius flicked his wand at Harry and he felt the charm lift.

“Stop telling people who know about me that story,” Harry said, glaring a little at his godfather, “the more people you tell, the more people I have to kill.”

“Don't be embarrassed,” Draco said, taking Harry's hand with a small smirk, the corner of his mouth twitching as though he was trying his best to keep from laughing. “It's an honest question, and picturing a six-year-old you asking that is pretty damn adorable.”

“Great,” Harry muttered sarcastically. He knew neither of them meant it to be demeaning, but it still felt that way. Thankfully Sirius did not seem to be planning to follow the story up with the time he found Harry tugging on himself, trying to make it grow. That story Harry hoped would never see the light of day.

“I just knew,” Sirius said soberly, giving his godson a small smile. “Like I knew that he would probably be gay once he figured himself out, I knew about this, too.”

“But—” Draco paused, and Harry caught the nervous look in his eyes, but he pushed forward, his tone halting and apprehensive, as if trying to make it clear that while he was curious, he wasn't trying to offend anyone. “But...if you'd stayed...er, how you were born, you'd just be...you know, normal. Why would you want to go through something like...like this if you could just be a straight...person?”

“Because that's not who I am,” Harry said patiently, though despite his best efforts his voice shook a little out of nerves, and Draco's expression immediately shifted from curious to apologetic. “I'm a gay man, not a straight...” Harry's voice caught, and he took a steadying breath before he forced himself to push forward. “Not a straight w-woman. Anyway, the Mind Healer I'm assigned to told me that there's a lot of people like me who if they identified as gay or a lesbian pre-transition, their same sex tendencies stayed with them, though their interest changed when they did transition. So like, a trans woman who was interested in men before she came to terms with who she really was, will be interested in women after she's begun her transition. It's a same-sex attraction, not a gender-specific attraction.”

Draco fell silent and nodded meekly, the look on his face telling Harry that he was trying to process what he was being told. Shockingly, he did not feel offended by the question. He was nervous, yes, but this was the first time he could recall not feeling anger pair with his anxiety. This wasn't the first time someone had asked him such a thing, but it was the first time he didn't bite the questioner's head off for asking it.

They eased back into safe subjects; school, Quidditch, the latest scandalous article in Witch Weekly detailing his new romance with the Malfoy heir, and anything else that came to mind. As they stepped out of the restaurant half an hour later, Sirius hung back a little, letting Draco go on ahead, and he pulled Harry aside and threw an arm over his shoulders in a casual half-hug.

“I'm proud of you,” Sirius muttered under his breath so that Draco wouldn't overhear.

“What for?” Harry asked, brow furrowing a little in confusion.

“For being so matter-of-fact when Draco asked those questions. Even three months ago you would've jumped down his throat for daring to ask. It's good. You should feel proud of yourself. It's a good step forward, and your Mind Healer will be thrilled.”

“Yippee,” Harry muttered sarcastically, and Sirius snorted, letting him go so that he could catch up with Draco. Harry wasn't entirely sure if it was as big a deal as Sirius was making it out to be. Draco was his boyfriend, after all (though the word was still a bit of a foreign concept to him) didn't he have a right to know some of these things?

Harry shook himself out of his daze to keep Draco from thinking that Harry was ignoring him, and they made small talk with Sirius as he escorted them back to the castle.

The moment Sirius left, Draco pulled Harry close, cupped his face in his hands, and kissed him. Harry was startled at first, but he was never one to protest to Draco's exceptional kisses, and he wrapped his arms around the blond's waist, pulling him close and returning the kiss with just as much enthusiasm.

“What was that for?” Harry asked when they broke apart, their fingers twining together as they slowly made their way from the gates and up to the castle.

“For not getting too upset at my...questions. I saw your face when I asked. You looked like you wanted to kill me for a second,” Draco steered Harry from the castle doors and towards the lake. It was still early, and dinner wasn't for a couple of hours. Harry figured he could fill Hermione in on what happened later. “It just a lot more complex than...flipping a coin, if that makes sense. I really didn't know, or I didn't really think about all that...social stuff that comes with it.”

“It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure,” Harry answered, plopping down onto the grass under his favourite beech tree, while Draco joined him more slowly, and Harry gave his hand a sharp tug, making him fall in the grass next to Harry. Draco glared at him, but was quick to go back to what they had been discussing.

“Sort of makes me admire you more,” Draco said, laying back against the grass, and Harry mirrored his movements, stretching out alongside him.

“How so?”

“Well, you're just so brave for going through with all that,” Draco said, his eyes wide and his tone earnest. Harry frowned.

“I'm not,” Harry said without missing a beat, “It's not bravery, or nerve or whatever else that made me want to go through with it. It's something I had to do. It wasn't optional, or elective, it's something I needed. How insomniacs need sleeping potion, or people with depression or post-traumatic stress need a draught of tranquility...this was something I needed to do to be healthy, be sane, feel normal. If I hadn't, I probably would have been dead a long time ago, and Voldemort would still be ruling the world.” Draco's eyes widened with shock.

“Dead? Why?”

“I would have killed myself,” Harry said in a simple, matter-of-fact tone. He caught the horrified look on Draco's face that his words had caused, and he quickly elaborated.

“Being...like this, it's all-encompassing. It affects literally every single aspect of my life. Sex, how people treat me, how people see me, gendered facilities, my expectations, both for myself and what people expect of me. It's a lot of things. I couldn't live like that. Even when I was little I knew I couldn't live like that. Because Sirius had cottoned on so quickly, I didn't have to go through the shit a lot of people in my situation go through. He just knew it and accepted it straightaway. A lot of people lose their family, or spend years trying to correct their family's name and pronoun use before it actually sinks in. I was lucky. Extremely lucky.”

Harry rolled onto his back as he spoke and watched the dappled late afternoon sunlight dance across the surface of the lake. He jumped a little when he felt an arm drape across his middle, and the warmth of Draco's body pressed up against his side. Harry turned his head, his lips parted as he moved to ask Draco what he was doing, but the question was cut off by a warm, wet kiss.

Eyes fluttering shut, Harry reached up and pressed his hand against Draco's smooth cheek, his thumb tracing along the line of his jaw as he moved to deepen the kiss, albeit somewhat awkwardly. Harry felt his cheeks grow warm, embarrassed by his lack of experience, but his partner didn't seem to mind, guiding Harry and letting him lead in equal measure.

They passed the remainder of the afternoon under the tree, alternating between light chitchat and snogging, and blissfully ignoring the few classmates that stopped dead in their tracks to stare openly at them. In these moments, Draco would smirk and murmur, “Come on Potter, let's give them a show,” before dropping his hand to Harry's buttocks to give it a satisfying squeeze.

“Not bloody likely,” Harry replied each time with a laugh, and reached down to move Draco's hand above the waist. He was rather proud that he managed to keep his voice from shaking, as the prospect of anything sexual still unnerved him, but compared how he had been even a week ago, there was a huge difference in his anxiety levels. How strange is it that Draco Malfoy of all people happened to be the one to keep me grounded and sane, Harry thought, smiling as he shifted closer to his partner and distracted him from his disappointment with another kiss.

At dinnertime they reluctantly separated to their respective House tables, their classmates not at all subtle about reacting to the news that Harry Saviour-of-the-Wizarding-World Potter and Draco Malfoy were seeing one another. Harry bowed his head and tried to ignore the hissing whispers that followed him, and the way more than a few of his classmates craned their necks or even stood up to get a good look at him.

“Don't people have anything better to do than gossip about my love life?” Harry muttered to Hermione as he sat down next to her and began to pile his plate high with potatoes and roast beef.

“Obviously who you're snogging is much more interesting than revising for exams,” Hermione replied with a shrug, and Harry narrowed his eyes at her pointed hint. It was barely the start of April, he had enough going on without her nagging him to start revising for his N.E.W.T.s too. “Anyway, how'd it go? With Sirius, I mean?”

“He was amazingly well-behaved,” Harry said at once, his mouth tugging into a grin at the surprised look on Hermione's face. “He acted like a proper adult and everything.”

“That's a rare occurrence,” Hermione mused, while Harry snorted a laugh.

“You're telling me. He broke down only once with an embarrassing kid story, I think that's a new record for him.”

“He does seem to enjoy trying to embarrass you as much as he possibly can,” she said with a giggle, and Harry nodded his agreement.

Following dinner, Harry and Hermione headed back to Gryffindor Tower. Hermione grabbed her bag from the Girls' Dormitory and they headed up to his room; they could just as easily have done their homework in the common room, but since their conversations of late had a tendency to veer towards some very private things in Harry's personal life, they thought it best that they weren't overheard.

“Erm, Harry...” Hermione began when he'd closed the door. He turned to her, and watched her pull something out of her pocket, wrapped in a thin scarf. He raised his eyebrows at her, inviting her to continue. “This came for you while you were out, I wanted to bring it straight to Professor McGonagall, but, ah, after the last time I did that, I thought maybe it'd be best if I show you first.”

“Drop the cryptic Hermione,” Harry said with a frown, “what is it?”

“It's...it's from Ron,” she said, and Harry felt his stomach twist nervously. She unwrapped it a little to show that it was a simple envelope, but when Harry reached out to take it, her hand lurched back.

“Don't touch it. It's cursed.”

“How d'you know?” Harry's voice sounded hollow in his own ears, his hand curling into a fist and dropped it to his side.

“I saw the owl was looking for you, and I told it that I'd take it to you, and it dropped the letter on the table in front of me. I saw that it was Ron's handwriting and I used a few simple curse-detector spells to check it, and Harry if you had been in the Great Hall, or Library, or even the common room and you touched this...” Hermione trailed off for a moment, looking absolutely distraught. Harry could only imagine that it had to hurt that someone she'd loved so deeply was now the one doing this. “The curse is designed like a variation of Veritaserum. It'll make you want to divulge your deepest secrets to anyone nearby. Within a few hours everyone would have known about you.”

“I can't believe this is the same Ron,” Harry said hoarsely, sitting down heavily on the end of his bed. “He...he was never like this before.”

“I know Harry,” Hermione said softly, re-wrapping the letter and stowing it carefully back in her bag. “Prejudice makes people do awful things.”

“I don't wanna tell McGonagall,” Harry said, turning to his own bag and fishing out his homework. Though it pained him to do homework on a Saturday, it would at least keep his mind off things he'd rather not think about. “If we ignore it, maybe Ron will just give up.”

“I don't know Harry,” Hermione said uncertainly while she frowned at him, “these things can get out of hand really quickly...”

“I know Hermione,” Harry muttered, still not looking at her, “but I don't want to go running to McGonagall every time something like this happens. I don't want Ron to think I'm weak. I'm not.”

“No one would ever think you weak Harry, it's being practical,” Hermione said, her voice pleading, “Ron's not gonna stop until someone makes him stop. Obviously being expelled hasn't got through to him, maybe reporting it to—”

“—No,” Harry said, cutting her off. “I'm not bringing this within a hundred miles of the Ministry. They'd want to know everything and if this somehow gets out...” Harry shook his head in an effort to dispel the anxiety that pooled in his stomach, “No. I can't.”

For a moment it looked as though Hermione was going to argue, but then her face fell, and she began to pull out her own work, and they descended into silence.

Later that evening after Hermione had left him to go to bed and he'd performed his usual nighttime rituals, he was jarred from his thoughts of his ex-best friend by a soft tapping against his window. When he didn't respond straightaway, the soft tapping sounded again.

Confused, Harry pulled a jumper on over his bandaged chest and padded over to the window. Looking out of it, he blinked hard and shook his head to ensure that he wasn't having some wild hallucination, as he saw Draco perched on his Nimbus 2001, hovering just outside his window. He lifted a hand and fingered a wave at Harry, and he quickly unlatched the window.

“What the hell are you doing?” Harry hissed at him, but the blond merely smirked confidently.

“I wanted to see you, and locating your window seemed a better bet than trying to force my way through that damn portrait of yours,” Draco said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Harry snorted, and stepped aside so that he could climb in. Draco moved forward, but hesitated at the last moment.

“An alarm won't go off if I come in, will it?” He asked uncertainly, “I don't know what happens if someone from another house sneaks into...well, another house.”

“Nothing will happen,” Harry said, chewing the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing at the surprise written all over Draco's face at the absolute certainty in his voice.

“How do you know?”

“I just know,” Harry said with the same air of confidence, and held out a hand to him. “C'mon, let me help you.”

Somewhat haltingly, Draco extended a hand and allowed Harry to help him clamber inside. His eyes widened a little in surprise when his feet hit the floor and nothing happened. Harry snatched his wand off his night table and flicked his wand at the door. Draco's voice was fairly recognizable, and he had a feeling a snake being caught in a den of lions would play out very similarly to how it would on the Savannah.

The Silencing Charm in place, Harry turned back to Draco and kissed him once. He flicked his wand again, this time at the window to latch it shut, and broke the kiss after Draco had coiled an arm around his waist, holding him there.

“Not that I mind you coming to see me like this, but what's the real reason you came up here?” Harry cocked an eyebrow, but Draco's confident smirk never faltered. He wasn't stupid; one didn't visit their significant other in their room just to 'see' them. Draco's ulterior motive was written all over his face, but Harry was worried he might be misreading the signals, as he was wont to do, and for the moment didn't call him out on it.

“Simply that.” Draco reached out to nip lightly at Harry's bottom lip. “I wanted to see you, and it's nice not having an audience, for once.”

“I don't—” Harry's protests were cut off by a gentle kiss, and he felt swept away by the sensation, reaching up to drape his arms over Draco's shoulders, and he tried to swallow his apprehension. The last thing he wanted was to come across as some blushing virgin to Draco, but at the same time, he knew for a fact that if Draco tried anything more than snog, he would definitely freak out.

It didn't take long for Draco's hands to begin wandering, slipping down over his pyjama-clad bottom and gave it a soft squeeze. Harry's breath hitched, and he broke the kiss abruptly.

“No, don't,” Harry mumbled, feeling himself go very red. Draco let go at once.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, lifting his hands up to Harry's shoulders, though Harry still couldn't look at him. He Even without looking up, he could hear the regret in Draco's tone. Harry could feel the heat pooling in his belly, but the prospect of anything more intense than kissing overlaid his budding arousal with a fresh wave of panic. Draco's lips brushed Harry's temple lightly, and he closed his eyes, leaning into the contact. “I know things are more...complicated for you. Whatever you want Harry. I've waited this long for you, I don't mind waiting a little longer.”
A/N: I'm pretty sure I got the blood ties of Draco and Sirius right, if anyone thinks there's a mistake please let me know so I can fix it. Also, as far as I know, the Draught of Tranquility is something I made up and it popped up in one of my other completely unrelated fics as a potion to help people whose minds have been damaged by dark magic.
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