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Unwanted pet * Complete*	By : Kvarta Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 12010 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
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- 6
A/N: Dear readers, I know I was until now posting daily. Well, in next 10 - 15 days I am forced to post every 2 or 3 days. I am on business trip and not every place I’m visiting have good (or if at all) internet. So, I’ll post when I have conditions. When I return to my home, I’ll resume with daily updates. ^-^
I want to be your...friend

He was broken, shattered, defeated. Worse of all, he was discovered! In all his life, in all his year as a spy, he managed to preserve that hidden part of the soul, what left of his soul anyway. Staring at the fire, Snape wondered if he lost the ability to cover his tracks. How could he let his guard down? How could he let his control slip that much? On the other hand, maybe Remus had some ability to influence his actions. Did he…?
Snape knew the answer. He tried to suppress it. He struggled against it. Yet, somewhere deep inside, he knew. He always knew. He isolated himself, repressed all his needs. He did not need …did not deserve….
After all these time, someone was there. It was just that. Proximity. Echo of old childish dreams. Nothing more. Suddenly, he felt like all air left out of the room. Potion kept his heart still, but his eyes were burning. He started to gasp for air.
~ SS ~ RL ~ SS ~ RL ~
Sitting on the bed, the book opened in the lap, but Remus could not read. Every nerve in his body was on fire, aching. Snape needed time, and he was willing to provide it. Indecisiveness was nerve racking. Snape was not as cold as he believed; he had compassion, hidden deep inside.
Suddenly, gasping sounds came from the armchair. In two steps, he was next to Snape. Snape was pale, large specks of sweat on his forehead, gasping like fish out of water. Not knowing what caused this, Lupin froze for a moment. Is it medicine, maybe argument caused his heart to fail? He scooped Snape’s face in his arms.
“Relax, stop fighting, and just breathe. Do you need Poppy or Albus?” still gasping Snape shook his head ”Is it a potion?” another shook ”Breathe slowly.”
Snape was in a state of shock.
“Trust me.” whispered ”I know you would not believe me, but… I never hated you. Never thought badly about you. However, you were my rival, you had better grades. Everything seemed to come easily to you. Grades, chess, duelling,… I was jealous of you. Never tried hard enough to stop my friends. Nevertheless, after, after what happened I tried, I really tried to get near to you, to be your friend. I was wrong; I should have done that before.”
Gasping subsided into small, shallow breaths. Snape’s eyes looking at him in disbelief.
“We were kids then, not very smart. I did not know much about you then. Is it too late? I know a thing or two about loneliness Severus. I know about the inability to trust, fear even. No one can go alone through life. We all need at least one person we can trust.”
He pulled back, Snape’s breathing returned to normal. Kneeling next to the armchair Lupin sat on his heels, carefully observing Snape. This was a unique opportunity, looking as the swirl of emotions pulling back behind a cold mask.
“Why are you so convinced that I do not have that …one, was it,... person? More to the point, why are you so convinced that I have the desire to have YOU as my friend? You are not of any use to me.”
“Friend is not useful, they are just there when we need them, Severus.”
“Maybe from Gryffindor's point of view, Slytherin however, have no use of useless attachments, like friendship.” Snape was defensive now and looking at him Remus realized that at this moment continuation of conversation was pointless.
“Very well Severus, but I am warning you, I won’t give up on this. I do believe that you are in dire need of a true friend.”
“And YOU are that friend?” snarled Snape ”What am I in dire need of is some peace and quiet. If your concept of … friendship … can provide me with that.”
Without a word, Remus stood up and walked away.
~ SS ~ RL ~ SS ~ RL ~
Snape softly sighed. Sadness lingered in his eyes resting on roaring flames. Remus was sometimes childishly naive, but Severus knew better. Caring about needs of others was not in nature of circles he was frequenting. Slowly, Snape regained his calmness. Years of self-control made imperative in his head, some emotions had to be buried deep inside.
Now, as his head cleared, he started to think. It was too soon, change in Remus’ was faster than he predicted. I did not take into account regenerative powers of a werewolf. They affect even his brain patterns and emotional responses, how interesting. With a sigh he turned to sulking Lupin, his real task starts now.
“Lupin,” no response, Merlin help me!, carefully measuring emotions called again ”Remus, I do believe we have to talk.”
Lupin looked at him, with a pouting expression he walked and slumped in the other armchair.
“I know that this is at the moment hard for you to accept, and trust me when I say that I am doing both of us a favour, your …feral side starting to surface.”
“Severus, I do not have the desire to rip you to shreds, I just want to try to be your friend.”
“I know,” sighed “I will not pretend that I am not baffled with that. Nevertheless, we will have to start working on your self-control. These…urges…will not just go away they are here to stay. I am confident enough that your, more aggressive side, will start to show fast enough. In that stage, you may be a danger, to yourself and your surroundings. “
“What’s the plan?”
“For a start, conversation, a lot of it. I will try to explain to you your needs and urges, their origin, from a physiological point of view, as much as I can.”
Remus looked at him, reminding him of a student wanting to ask a question but too shy or scared to try. Maybe a joke will reach him better than lecture if I can muster some.
“ You may ask now Mr Lupin,” said with his ‘professor's’ voice and Remus giggled
“I what to set some rules, if that is alright with you.”
“That depends on a rule.” sighed, he was tackling a teenager now. Looking carefully at Lupin, wondering if potions did do some damage to his brain after all. Albus would not be pleased if that were the case. ”Let me hear them.”
“I will be allowed to try befriending you.”
“And that is all?”
“And you will at least make an effort to accept that attempts.”
“I can …live… with that, but I do not make any promises, sighed ”But Lu…Remus, I have to warn you. This...us...no one can know, ever. Not even Albus. NO ONE. I...I dance on the edge of a very sharp blade, and weakness, any weakness is a death. Mine, but if you persist in this...yours. No one can know, or we are both doomed.”
“I understand that all too well, and I promise I will growl and argue, be mean to you in front of the others, but don’t take away my attempts when we are alone. In addition, I will be allowed to ask questions, to get to know you.” Lupin had a stubborn look on his face
“I will do my best to answer them; in boundaries of what I think, what my …friends… should know about me.” this was a very slippery field. Still tired from days of taking care for Lupin that was suffering from poisoning; he was not even remotely ready for this.
“Then let me ask you, what did you mean, that morning after I spent my first night here? What did you mean with that sentence?” Snape looked at him in confusion; he had no clue about what Remus was talking ”I was considering it, but then again you might enjoy it, really unsettling thought.”“
“Wolfs and their hearing, there should be law against that” rolled his eyes and Remus chuckled
“And?”
“And, nothing.” evenly replied, teasing Lupin’s curiosity amused him. Lupin looks frustrated, but then he just smiled
“I really thought that you might, after that night in my office.” Remus suddenly kneeled in front of his chair again ”Yes, about that night, what happened that night exactly?” kneeling in front of him, head tilted to one side, Remus reminded him of a puppy.
“All I did is perform a bit of magic on you. I just watched. It could be anything really. I could see myself jinxing you, pouring some nasty acid on you. You have a very curious mind. All I did was to let you decide your own punishment.”
“But…”
“I simply put you in the same position you put me.”
“And I wanted to be under cruciatus?” mumbled Remus ”No, not wanted, but I did think it is ample punishment. I had to take into account not only what happened in the classroom, but for as long as we know each other. That punishment was a reflection of my personal feelings of my actions towards you!” Remus looked troubled
“I would award points to Gryffindor for that.”
“We cleared that out.” nodded Remus ”What do you like?”
“I beg your pardon.”
“What do you like, save from potions and Dark Arts. I see those decorations on your walls and yet, that is not you. You do not have a need or use of those. In addition, if I take into consideration all I know about you and that isn’t much at this point. You have either too much control in your life or no control at all. ”Severus blinked at maybe the most accurate summarization of his life he ever heard, warmth spreading through his chest as elevating giddy feeling that scared him, At least, one person in this world who understand, and that is Lupin of all.” What DO YOU like? What do you want from your life?”
“That is for me know, and for you to discover, if you can” smiled secretively, in all honesty, Snape had no answer to that question, not even to save his own life. No one in his entire life even asked him what he wants. Expectations, from his parents, from Lilly, from Dark Lord, from Dumbledore, expectations were all he knew. He had desired but always wondered how much they were directed by actions of others. As a true Slytherin he acted upon those desires, on hatred, even despair - but never in his life he paused for a moment to ask himself ‘what he likes’. What do I like? What do I need? There was the answer, he was sure of it but buried so deep, hidden even from him.”If nothing else, Gryffindor really deserves 10 points, for having at least one smart student in its mites.” sneered Snape ”Stubborn but smart.”
“Miss Granger is smart.”
“Yes, yes she is, maybe too much for her own good.” grumbled
“You know you just awarded points to my house.”
“I did.” scoffed ”Lord knows you need them. Rest now, we will start working on that paper Albus gave us shortly.” he needed time, tired as he was, realizing that he was opening, too much for his liking. Remus just nodded and walked to his bed.
~ SS ~ RL ~ SS ~ RL ~
Remus dwelled on the conversation they just had, trying to sort through the turbulence of fillings. This was what he wanted, and yet all happened so fast or too slow, depending on point of view. He felt happy and scared at the same time.
Him and Snape, werewolf and former Death Eater, how for all hairs in Merlin’s beard that can work out. How long secrecy can last. Snape told him, he might be a factor of damnation for both of them.
Closing his eyes, banishing unhappy thoughts from his mind, smiled. He will take what can, as long, it is possible. How in Merlin’s name does he know all that?
“Does Slytherin has private classes about psychology in their dorms?” question flew out of his mouth before his brain managed to think it through.
“No.” Snape laughed taking him by surprise, he never even thought that is possible, not wanting to alarm Severus at his slip he just asked
“Then how do you know all that?”
“There is plenty of literature.”
“Were? In restricted section?” another eruption of laughter. Realizing that before today he never saw Snape laughing, enjoying the site wanting to remember the unusual sight of glimmer in onyx eyes and soft features, brightened with a smile. Usually sharp and mask-like face was live and even attractive.
“No,” finally gasped Snape ”in Muggle literature.”
“Never took you for someone who read Muggle literature.”
“There is a lot you do not know about me.” Remus flinched, that was true, he barely knew anything about Snape. What made him the way he was? Shure, some of it was clear, he even added to it, but that could not be all. Truth was, he did not know sullen Potion Master at all.
“Give me some time.” winked finally
“I believe that we should start working.” reminded him Snape and he agreed. Next few hours they spent in setting the basis for their research paper. In afternoon Snape ordered lunch for them and then went to the bathroom to take a shower.
Remus returned to the pondering on their conversation. What does he like? If I figure that out, I have a fair chance to become his friend. Going in his head once more through the entire conversation he looked for clues. It seemed like Severus did not leave any. Approaching a problem from different angle thought crept into his mind. What if we are more alike than either of us know?
Looking around the room carefully, Remus discarded wall with torture devices. Books and scrolls about plants and potions. He inhaled deeply, Snape’s room was revealing as much as his words. Lavender and hint of chamomile…
“Bloody hell! That is it!” room had no portraits, no photographs, in school there was no owls with private mail, even when Snape was a kid. Snape’s cloth was dark and strict. Everything about Snape, from this room to his appearance and demeanour carefully designed to repel. However, this smell, his scent, they are mild and gentle.
Snape kept the unappealing presentation of his persona with care. His hair always looked greasy, but spending so much time in his presence he noticed, hair was just heavy. Snape’s eyes were deep and brilliant like black jewels when he allowed emotions to surface. Everything about Severus Snape was either hard like stone or soft like clouds. There was no middle, but he had a feeling that he knew were true nature of Snape lay. He believed he found the perfect solution.
~ SS ~ RL ~ SS ~ RL ~
This Saturday Snape had to sit through 3h of almost full class with students that he gave detention. When Snape was gone, he set his plan into motion. Remus busied himself wondering how to summon a house-elf when one bold head appeared in front of him with a soft POP.
“How Dobby can help Mr Lupin, sir?” gasping in surprise, looked at oddly dressed elf, his name was familiar enough to him
“You can call me Remus.”
“Thank you, sir, for honouring Dobby with the name. What Dobby can do for Remus, Mr Lupin, sir?”
“Dobby, how well do you know professor Snape?”
“Dobby knows professor Snape, Dobby is the only elf who want to go to Professor Snape, sir.”
“Can you tell me what professor Snape likes?” Dobby looked at the floor but remained silent”Do you know what professor Snape’s favourite meal is?” elf smirked, looking bit like half worried and half angry mother
“Professor Snape avoids food; Dobby has to nag professor Snape to eat. Yes, Dobby knows. Professor Snape love red meat with cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes, and a glass of elven vine with it.”
“Is it possible to get that for dinner here tonight?”
“Yes, Dobby will bring professor Snape’s favourite dish.” said elf happily, and lingered, he looked elf with curiosity
“Sir, can Dobby ask something, sir?”
“What do you want to know Dobby? Ask away.”
“Will Mr Lupin, Remus, help Dobby to take care for professor Snape?”
“You Dobby taking care for professor Snape?”
“Sometimes, yes.” elf wobbled his head ”Professor Snape is nice to Dobby, giving Dobby clothes and sickles, and he is a good man, sir. Professor Snape doesn’t take care of himself, Dobby is worried, sir.”
“How do you know that professor Snape is god man, Dobby?”
“He makes medicine, like the one you drink sir, for some poor families. He sends them every month, by owl or Dobby, and he never wants money for it, sir. When Remus, Mr Lupin, was sick professor Snape barely slept or eat. He was sleeping in a chair next to the bed, you sir, you were in professor’s bed. He put you in your bed only one day before you woke up. He didn’t even allow Dobby to take care of you so he could rest. And…”
“Yes, Dobby.”
“When you started to throw-up blood, sir, he was…he cried, sir. Dobby never before saw Professor Snape cry, and he argued with Dumbledore, he never argues with him. Dumbledore is like a father to professor Snape, sir.” Dobby sighed ”Professor Snape is still weak sir, Dobby is worried.”
“Professor Snape cried in front of you?”
“No sir, Dobby was worrying and watching from where he could not be seen.”
“I will help you Dobby, but it might be smart not to tell professor Snape about this conversation.”
“Oh no, sir! Professor Snape would be mad at Dobby. He would not allow Dobby to take care of him!” elf looked honestly scared in the prospect of that idea. He took two sickles from pocket and offered them to elf, but elf refused
“Mr Lupin, Remus, sir won’t give Dobby money. He will help Dobby take care of professor Snape and Dobby is happy. Dobby will bring dinner at right time sir.” exclaimed elf and disappeared with POP.
Looking at empty space Remus stands still for a while. He walked to the armchair and slumped in it. A Little elf told him maybe more than he realized. Certainly, more than Snape would like to. Remus shook his head Why in Godric’s name he would cry? Feeling torn between feelings of content and sensation of pure undiluted guilt, he could not decide what emotion was dominant. Reluctantly he returned to their research.
Around dinnertime, food appeared on the table. It was time for Snape to show up.
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Unwanted pet * Complete*