Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Something Lost and Something Found	By : Drarry-Lisa Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 2848 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other characters/things/places created by J.K. Rowling. I make no money from my fan-fiction.

Chapter List
- 1-Gone
- 2-Pain
- 3-Seamless
- 4-Numb
- 5-Haywire
- 6-The beginning
- 7-Lie
- 4
- 5
- 6
Chapter-5
Haywire
Over the next week they fall into a rhythm or rather Draco does. Harry tries to bring her out of it. Try as he might, he can't.
She goes through the motions, does what is required to live. She suffers from nightmares and starts casting silencing charms once Harry comes to help her.
She doesn't smile. Most of the times, her face is blank. She doesn't speak. Harry doesn't know when was the last time he spoke. She requested him to keep Ron and Hermione away from the house. So he did. Elves stay out of the way. Just three days ago, he had gone to visit Ron and had returned to frantic elves who told him that Draco didn't eat anything. In fact, she didn't get out of the blanket at all. He realized that he is only she wakes up for though it's a surprise because they don't converse at all.
Harry doesn't know what to do. He can't leave her alone and he can't call anyone over. She won't even meet her godfather or Sirius. Narcissa is out of question.
As the days pass by, she becomes even more aloof, staring in the space all the time.
Tonight though, tonight- something is different. Something is totally off. A week and a half has passed and it's almost midnight. Unable to sleep, Harry is reading.
It's difficult to concentrate. He is really worried for Draco. A sudden click catches his attention and he looks up.
The door opens and Harry's mouth falls open in shock because in comes Draco. She is wearing just a thin white shirt, his shirt, to be specific.
She closes the door behind herself and leans against it. Her eyes are dark and blank.
He tries to concentrate on her face because she is looking too beautiful and he has wanted her for such a long time.
He swallows and a bead of sweat trickles down his forehead as he tries hard to concentrate at her face. She has just showered, it seems. Her hair is wet and the shirt is sticking to her damp body.
"What is this Draco?" He asks and she walks towards him.
She settles on the edge of the bed and he has to force himself to move away. He can't resist the temptation to touch her. He doesn't want to resist. But he should because she is totally not ready yet.
She is staring at him, seemingly surprised.
"Please put on something decent." He murmurs politely and clenches his hand into fists. She is not an object. She is a human being and is in pain. He has to remember this to keep his mind on track.
"Kiss me." She says. He stares at her in shock.
"I can't get rid of his touch. I tried everything." That's when he really looks at her body. Her skin is red at so many places, especially her inner thighs. What has she been doing to herself?
He is so alarmed by the revelation that she is hurting herself. Yet his mind can't help but be distracted by her soft skin. He shakes his head and looks at her.
"I just want to get rid of the shame, the filth, the dirt that has settled on my body. Touch me. I know you want it." She says. She keeps her eyes blank.
He wants to stop thinking rationally. His body wants what it wants. He loves her with his heart and soul. He has wanted her for a long time. But then again, this is only the body of the girl he fell in love with. He wonders if Draco is even alive inside this body. Maybe Riddle took Draco's soul with him. Maybe Harry lost after all, for this victory, in which he doesn't have Draco with him, is empty.
He shakes his head adamantly.
"I am not wearin-"
He cuts her off, "Sorry but I am not interested in knowing." He could provide a shoulder to her to cry but he knows that is not what she wants. This madness has been building inside her for the past few days now. He shivers when he witnesses darkness in her eyes. In the blur of the motion, she reaches for his hand.
He stills. She is angry and she needs to vent out. But that's not it. She is slowly losing her mind and he doesn't know what to do anymore. She starts twisting his hand with an intent to break it. He is stronger though and so she can't even budge him. Defeated, she pulls back with a growl.
"It is only a kiss."
"Get out of my room." He murmurs slowly and she snarls viciously, "Don't look at me like that Potter."
He doesn't understand so he stares at her, perplexed.
"Look at me like you usually do." She mutters sharply and he still doesn't understand. He is looking at her like he always does.
"Please." Her voice loses its aggression very suddenly, "Look at me like you usually do."
Her eyes become damp and his heart goes out to her. She is in so much pain but atleast she is still alive behind all that darkness.
Meanwhile, her stance becomes normal and she mumbles, "I have nightmares. Can't sleep alone."
He opens his mouth and then closes it. He will just have to man up and resist the urges. She is reaching out and he must to help her.
"Sleep in my room then."
He knows that this is not just going to make everything normal. She is not normal by any standards. Darkness is still lurking in the depth of her eyes. She needs to vent out.
She crawls inside the blankets and turns to face him, her knees pressed against her chest. She looks small and vulnerable like this. Harry turns to face her after turning the lights off.
For a few moments, she doesn't speak anything. She stares at him, as if waiting for something. He sighs and moves closer to her. She wants a kiss. He will give her what she wants although he is afraid that he won't be able to stop once he gets started.
"Hex me if you feel uncomfortable and I don't back off." He murmurs softly and she breaths deeply before nodding.
She stretches her legs, turns on her back and waits for him.
He approaches her slowly so that she can back off if she wants. Very gently, he cups her cheeks. He moves closer to her face and takes in her delicious scent.
"You are so - I would do anything for you. You don't know exactly how much I love you."
It's quite dark but her silver gaze is fixed on him. Her face is expressionless. She doesn't trust him which is quite understandable.
She doesn't know that he would literally do anything she wants. He could spend his life kissing her. He nuzzles her soft cheeks and inhales again.
"You don't understand what you are asking for." He murmurs and presses a light kiss on her closed lips.
He pulls back and shivers as desire slowly takes him over. He wants her. He needs her. She could have stayed away. Now that he has tasted the forbidden fruit, he wants more.
He bends down and presses another soft kiss on her mouth. She is delicious. He wants her in a way she doesn't understand. She can't understand. Maybe she never will.
He twists his face to get a better access and then joins their lips yet again. This time he dives right in. He devours her mouth. A low growl escapes his mouth as he pulls back.
He stares at her, his breath hard. He realizes that he needs to kiss her like he needs air to live. She is still staring blankly at him.
He takes her lower lip between his lips and sucks it. He tries to be as gentle as he can though the urge to pin her hands above her head is so strong that he almost does it - almost.
A few moments pass and he is still kissing her. She places her hands on his shoulder probably because she needs to breathe but he can't bring himself to stop. His need has taken over him. He doesn't want to stop. He wants her so much that it's difficult to breathe.
She presses her fingers insistently on his chest and her tear streaked face flashes in his mind. Immediately, he pulls back and stares at her, his chest heaving as he takes deep breathes.
At once he gravitates towards her swollen lips but she murmurs, "I would be lying to you if I say that it helped. One good thing this kiss did was to ensure me that you love me. I won't stop you if you continue, for I was the one who provoked you but I won't enjoy any of it, not even a bit."
This being said, she places her hands behind her head and stares at him. This is the moment when he knows that he needs to push himself. He knows that he is on the edge. He has never wanted anyone except this girl in his entire life.
But she is not an object and if she is not enjoying it, then what's the point. He is not Riddle. He is not an animal. He won't use her. He is a better man and he has waited for such a long time. He can wait some more. A involuntary whimper escapes his lips as he forces himself to back off from her warm embrace. He lays down on his back and tries to calm himself down.
"Maybe I should take care of it." She murmurs bluntly. He stares at her- like literally stares in shock.
"Why would you do that if you don't want to?" He asks sharply. He is not himself right now. His emotions are out of his control. He wants to understand.
She shrugs, "I don't have to like it. I shouldn't have provoked you."
He sits up to look properly at her. He wants to understand that why she thinks like this- just because she initiated something, she must complete it, no matter whether she wants it or not- it's ridiculous to even think about. What gave her this idea. Surely, it couldn't be that - that- well that incident with Riddle. She must know how wrong it was.
"Should I?" She persists as if she actually means it. He rubs his forehead tiredly.
"What gave you the idea that you have to finish it? We are not even going out. Just because I love you or want you doesn't mean that you have to satisfy me. What- what is going on in your head? I want to understand Draco. What the hell is this?" He hisses sharply.
"Did I ask you to take care of it? Did I? Why did you even offer it when you didn't want to? So you were experimenting. So what- I already knew it before I kissed you." He is almost yelling by this point.
She is staring at her with her lips slightly parted, her eyes a bit wide.
"I mean- you have been so depressed for the past one and a half week. You won't even talk to me. A time came when I just wanted to set this house on fire and kill both of us. Maybe that would bring peace to your soul. If you don't want to live- just tell me. I anyways have no family. Sirius is always busy with Snape and Ron and Hermione have each other. I will set the house on fire and make it look like an accident. Just- just stop this now. I can't bear to see you living as if you are already dead." He is panting and he is desperately trying to calm down.
"That wasn't the only time it happened?" She says out of the blue and he stares at her, trying to comprehend what this means.
"'It' as in." He asks.
"You know what I mean." She murmurs, her eyes gazing at him. Something has shifted between them. She is talking to him, as in really talking to him. She is opening up, instead of curling upon herself.
"You mean that he-" He can't even bring himself to complete the sentence.
"No- Not sex. But he was living in the manor. He was saving it for the last I guess. Maybe he knew what you felt for me." She completes her sentence.
He stares.
"But then it means that you spent three summers in the same house then." He murmurs, his eyes blown wide in shock. This hadn't occurred to him.
She shrugs wordlessly, her face blank.
"Talking about it will-"
"I know. Can you arrange a meeting with mom, dad, Severus and Granger and Weasley tomorrow."
"Why didn't you tell your parents?" He asks. His throat feels heavy. He wonders what she went through. Will she even be able to recover. Can anyone recover from this kind of thing. He hadn't known that -
"Father knew." She mumbles so softly that he almost doesn't hear. When her words finally register in his mind, everything starts becoming clear to him.
"He never let me know that you wanted to court me. I never knew. Had I known, I would have asked for help." She murmurs.
He looks speechlessly at her, unable to form any coherent sentence.
"But it's not your fault Potter. Don't make everything your fault. Can you please arrange the meeting?"
He nods and she murmurs, "I would go back to my room but I really do have nightmares. They don't let me sleep."
"It's okay. I don't mind." He murmurs, "Just go to sleep. Close your eyes and sleep. Stop thinking. I am here. I will wake you up if you have nightmares. Whatever you suffered is over now. No-one is going to ever harm you."
"The death eaters are alive. Even aunt Bella and Greyback are alive." Her eyes are haunted as they gaze at him, "You can't protect me from everyone."
"We will leave this place then. It's not worth living. We can't live in muggle London until all the remaining death eaters are caught and sentenced."
She nods and he repeats, "Close your eyes. Sleep."
She obliges and falls asleep almost instantly but sleep eludes him.
XXXX
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