All That You Leave Behind

And another...



Harry was feeling very frustrated. Ginny had been working from home for the past few days, and, as much as he loved her and wanted her, he was aware of the growing tension between himself and Severus – there was unfinished business between them. Harry felt sure that once he and Sev had made love he would stop feeling so edgy and so annoyed by her presence.



So it was that when she announced that there was a problem at the Prophet Harry had to hide a sigh of relief and school his face into one of concern. He trailed after her as she headed towards the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder.



“I’ll be … Merlin, I don’t know how long!” she cried out as she stepped into the green flames.



Severus, sitting in the kitchen and enjoying a cup of tea quietly, turned at her words. He stood smoothly and moved towards Harry. The silence between them was thick with promise and lust.



The younger man let his head drop against the hard chest and have his back rubbed soothingly. The long fingers dug into his tense muscles and turned his legs to jelly. He felt almost entirely limp, apart from one key part of his anatomy.



“Can we … go further?” Harry asked in a small voice, knowing Sev would understand what he was asking for.



For a brief moment, Harry was held too tightly as Severus clenched him close. The potions expert became aware of his embrace and loosened it before saying, “I – if you’re sure.” His mouth was suddenly very dry. As much as he had wanted this, he was now deeply unsure that it would be wise to pursue this relationship. He wished he could just walk away, but Harry was a drug, his drug, and Severus could no more walk away than he could breathe underwater.



For answer, Harry tilted his face up, his eyes shining with tears. Severus lifted his hands to remove the glasses, wanting to see those beautiful orbs without the barrier of the glass. He leaned his face closer, staring intently into the emerald globes.



“You know, it looks like you two are about to snog!” Ginny’s laughing voice made their balls shrivel and their hearts freeze.



Both turned to face the witch who had just stumbled out of the fire.



Severus shifted at once from Harry and went to assist the lady. “The problem has been so swiftly resolved?” he asked, hand under her arm to help her adjust her balance as she caught one foot in the hearthside rug.



“Hardly!” Ginny snorted, nodding her thanks to him, “They want to see my notes as there’s been a right balls up!”



“Can I assist at all?”



“Oh, no, I know where they are. Besides, Harry looks like he’s about to faint. What on earth were you doing to him?” she didn’t wait for a response and instead bustled off to find the elusive parchment.



Harry was swaying very slightly, a sick look on his face.



When Ginny returned clutching the paper she saw her husband’s expression and paused. “You look awful Harry!” she cried.



“As I was telling him when you arrived,” Severus said calmly, his hands going to steady Harry. “his eyes seemed a little unfocused and I was attempting a closer inspection.”



Severus, in his many years as a spy knew that too many people had been caught out purely because they had gone into too much information. He let the silence fall, his fingers squeezing tightly into Harry to help him hold himself together.



Ginny turned concerned brown eyes to her husband. “Why don’t you lie down? I’m sure Severus will take good care of you.” She addressed the older man, “If he doesn’t get better, contact me at the office. Sod the lot of them, if Harry’s ill that’s more important than one stupid article!”



The potions expert nodded gravely, touched, as he always was, by the deep love Ginny obviously felt for Harry. “I’m … sure he’ll be fine. He just needs some rest. I’ll make sure he does nothing strenuous,” he said slowly, hating the lie even as he said it.



Ginny smiled warmly at him, her eyes full of gratitude. “Thank you, Severus, I know how much you care for Harry, and I appreciate all that you do for us.” She squeezed his arm and then moved back to the fireplace. She picked up a pinch of floo powder and gasped. “Oh! Don’t forget to feed and change James,” she said before using the powder and vanishing again.



The silence left behind was … painful.



Harry’s shoulders sagged with relief once Ginny had left, but instead of feeling happy, he felt anger flaring in him.



“Why?!” he yelled suddenly, surprising Sev. “Why do I have to love two people? I’d be perfectly happy if I just loved Ginny. I’d be perfectly happy if I just loved you! But both?!” His voice cracked, “I don’t want that!”



Severus kneaded the younger man’s shoulders. “Don’t say such things,” he murmured, his voice soothing, “Would you truly want to deny yourself James? Or would you truly want to deny yourself what we have?”



Harry slumped, hating himself for his own weakness but knowing the other was right. How could he live without Ginny in his life? But how could he live without Sev in his life as well?



“It’s so risky,” he whispered, voice throbbing with misery.



Severus lightly kissed the neck. “Would you rather there was no need for the risk? That Ginny had left you?”



Harry groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “Merlin help me,” he moaned, “but it would make life easier.”



“But you don’t want it.”



“But I don’t want it, not really.”



He considered that moment when he had heard Ginny’s voice. His heart had stopped for a brief moment and a sharp stabbing had pierced him. And the feeling had not become any better. In fact, as she had moved about the house Harry had felt himself retreating from the world around him, focusing internally. It had hurt to be trapped between two such wonderful people. Even as he had thought it, he had felt ashamed. He wasn’t trapped. Or, if he was, it was a trap of his own choosing.



He turned a wretched face to Severus, “I … I think I’ll go and check on James,” he said, wondering if Sev would push the issue and make Harry forget his guilt and pain in sexual pleasure.



But now, Severus wasn’t like that. “That … seems wise,” he commented before taking Harry’s hand in his own and tenderly kissing it.



“It doesn’t seem fair, that you’re having to wait so long to get what you want.”



Severus spoke quietly, but Harry didn’t mistake the intensity and truth coming from the older man, “I have what I want, right now.”





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