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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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LOST AND DAMNED

Our Ties Have Come Undone

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The following day, Harry did not want to get up. It had been impossible to sleep and not only was he exhausted, but dreading having to see Severus. He didn't know where they stood. He hardly even knew how he felt, let alone pausing to think how Severus might feel. The little bit of sleep he did get did not help his situation at all. He still had no idea what to do. He did know that he did not want to face Severus…or anyone, for that matter…today.

Still, he got up and went to breakfast, not daring to look at the Head Table. He engaged himself in conversation the best he could, despite wanting to be left alone by everyone. In hour before their first class, Harry met with Draco while Hermione headed off to Ancient Runes. Reluctantly he told Draco what had happened between Severus and himself. Draco wasn't too happy about it and wasn't any more helpful than Hermione had been.

"He's a good man, Harry. You can't judge him on something he did before you were even born," Draco said calmly, though Harry could tell he was struggling to keep his cool. Draco cared a lot about his godfather.

"It's not…Look, I know he's not evil or anything," Harry said. He had maybe blown up last night over it all and aimed at thinking as horribly of Severus as possible and making him feel as badly as possible, but Harry had since accepted that that wasn't Severus anymore. "It's just…it's hard. Imagine if Hermione had done something a long time ago that directly affected and hurt you and your family. Even though she changed, do you think it could be easy to be with her knowing she had done something that impacted your life so much?"

"He didn't kill them, Harry," Draco said quietly.

"He might as well have," Harry said coldly, irritated that Draco wasn't being more understanding. Before it could turn into a full blown argument, Harry walked off. He felt bad enough as it was without Draco making him feel worse. Maybe he deserved it…Sometimes he thought he did. Other times, he felt like he had every right to act the way he had. He walked out onto the grounds, pacing around nearby the lake. When the time came for Defense Against the Dark Arts, he headed back into the castle, feeling like he was walking to his death. His pulse raced and dread filled him more and more the closer he got to the classroom. Hermione walked over to meet him, holding his hand encouragingly and even Draco came up to stand with them, though none of them said anything and things with Draco still felt tense.

The door opened and Harry swallowed hard, letting Hermione pull him to the classroom behind everyone else. He paused in the doorway, eyes almost immediately meeting the dark eyes of Severus Snape.

"H…Harry?" Hermione said quietly.

"C'mon," Draco said, giving his arm a pull.

His head was spinning…He searched Severus's eyes, so full of pain that it pierced right through his heart. The rest of his face was blank, but the hurt the man was feeling was all too clear.

"I can't do this," he said quietly, backing out of the room and walking quickly down the corridor. Screw Gryffindor courage. He could face Voldemort. He could face dementors and monsters and every Dark creature out there with no problem. Facing Severus, though…Facing the man he loved…Facing someone he had hurt…Someone who had hurt him…He didn't like that he wasn't strong enough to face it…That he had run away. He didn't entirely regret it, though, as he returned to the lake. Walking by the water was a lot easier to handle than being in the man's presence. He could only imagine what Severus would have done if he had remained in the class.

When Defense ended, Draco and Hermione found him outside.

"You can't skip Defense all year, you know," Draco said.

"Yeah, I know," Harry muttered.

"Maybe you should talk to him," Hermione suggested.

"How can I talk to him when I don't have any of this figured out yet?" Harry demanded.

"Harry…You know he regrets it, don't you?" Draco said. "I don't think there's anything he regrets more. He loves you. He's different…"

"I know, Draco," Harry said through gritted teeth, thus ending the conversation. Draco didn't seem to understand and Harry wasn't going to waste his time explaining it. Hermione immediately launched into an explanation of what their lesson had been about, the chapters he would have to read to get more information about it (though Harry doubted the book would have more information than Hermione), and what their homework was.

"…Severus took so many points, too," Draco was saying as he described more interesting facts about the class. "Everyone is still a bit too interested in our relationship," he said, rolling his eyes. "Even took points from Lavender Brown for giggling, he was getting so annoyed."

"It was ridiculous," Hermione huffed. "You would think there would be more interesting things for them to talk about. Like-"

"The lesson?" Draco supplied with a grin.

Hermione flushed. "It was a very interesting lesson!"

Harry couldn't help but laugh.

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The trio spent the rest of their break discussing tactics for approaching Slughorn and eventually it was time to face the man himself. Harry was feeling a bit better the time they walked down to the dungeons to Slughorn's classroom. Draco abandoned his usual group to sit with his girlfriend and best friend (they didn't seem too upset over the matter and Harry knew it was probably because he told them he was spying on them or whatever). Harry sat at one end beside Hermione who had Draco on her other side who was sitting next to Ernie Macmillan who was looking extremely uncomfortable beside the Slytherin.

"Settle down! Lots of work to do today!" Slughorn said. "Golpalott's Third Law…who can tell me-? Of course, Miss Granger!"

"Golpalott's Third Law states that the antidote for a blended poison will be equal to more than the sum of the antidote for each of the separate components," Hermione recited flawlessly.

"Precisely!" Slughorn beamed. "Ten points to Gryffindor! Now, if we accept Golpalott's Third Law as true…"

Harry was just going to have to figure that it was true, considering he had no idea what was being talked about. Not many people seemed to. Harry struggled to pay attention, but not much of what was being said made any sense at all. Something about making antidotes for poisons, but that was as far as Harry could tell. Eventually Slughorn announced they were to take a phial from his desk and make an antidote for the poison it carried by the end of class. Hermione was up and grabbing one for herself before anyone else seemed to know what was going on. Harry definitely was not the only one who was having problems. He swore he was getting a migraine just having to listen to it all. Finally he got up with the rest of the class and grabbed his own poison and the time Draco, Ernie, and Harry got back to the table, Hermione had already poured her own phial into her cauldron and was kindling a fire beneath it.

"It's a shame that the Prince won't be able to help you much with this, Harry!" Hermione said brightly, straightening up. "You have to understand the principles involved this time. No shortcuts or cheats!"

Harry's heart sank as he reached for his Potions book, remembering how that the Half Blood Prince was Severus. It didn't help that Hermione's attitude was extremely annoying. He glared at Draco when he chuckled and focused on pouring his own phial into the cauldron. He wasn't sure what to do next and just looked around, only getting into action when he heard Ernie mutter "Specialis Revelio!" and hastily went about doing the same.

It didn't take long for Harry to realize that Hermione was right and that his reputation was the best potion maker in class was about to go down the drain. He flipped through his potions book, but Severus apparently found the principles as easy as Hermione had, for no scribbles had been written around Golpalott's Third Law. He ignored Slughorn's disappointment when he came to check on Harry's cauldron and instead Harry desperately flipped through the pages, hoping to find something.

Finally, under a list of antidotes, he saw a small note scribbled. Just shove a bezoar down their throats. Harry snorted and found himself recalling a class with Severus when he explained what a bezoar was. "A stone taken from the stomach of a goat, which will protect from most poisons."

It wasn't exactly following instructions entirely, and had Severus been his teacher, not only would Harry have missed this lesson, but he definitely wouldn't dare try it…But desperate times called for desperate measures and maybe, just maybe, it could help his cause if Slughorn took it the right way. Harry hopped up and walked to the store cupboard and rummaged around a bit before finding a box labeled bezoars and grabbed one before heading back to his table.

"Time's…UP!" Slughorn announced as he headed over to a table of Slytherins, checking their antidotes. Harry held the bezoar tightly in his hand while Hermione went about hastily adding a few more ingredients to her concoction.

After several minutes, Slughorn ended up in front of Harry. "And you, Harry! What have you got to show me?"

Harry held out his hand, the bezoar sitting on his palm. The entire class was silent and watching them while Slughorn stared down at the bezoar for a full ten seconds. Harry wondered whether he was going to shout at him. Then he threw back his head and roared out laughing. "You've got nerve, boy!" he boomed, taking the bezoar and holding it up for everyone to see. "Oh you're like your mother…Well, I can't fault you…A bezoar would certainly act as an antidote to all of these potions."

Hermione was livid. He glanced at her…Her face was sweaty, soot covered her nose, and her hair was bushier than usual and falling out of the bun she had pulled it back in. She was a disheveled mess. Her potion was better than anyone's and was only half finished with tons of ingredients, including a chunk of her own hair. She had been slaving over it and as it bubbled in her cauldron, Slughorn paid neither her or her creation any mind. He had only had eyes for Harry.

No one else seemed much happier than her.

Slughorn went on to compare Harry to his mother and how brilliant he apparently was. Harry shot apologetic looks to his friends who were too annoyed to look at him. He could worry about them later, he decided. It had worked, at least. Slughorn had taken it well and was in a cheery mood, it seemed. It could work well with his plan, which Hermione knew to be important.

"Time to pack up!" Slughorn announced. "And an extra ten points to Gryffindor for sheer cheek!"

Still chuckling, he waddled back to his desk at the front of the dungeon. Harry lingered behind, taking extra time packing up while everyone else left. Silently praying this would work, he shouldered his back and walked up to Slughorn's desk.

"Sir, I wanted to ask you something," he said.

"Ask away, then, my dear boy! Ask away!"

"Sir, I wondered what you know about…about Horcruxes?"

Slughorn froze. He licked his lips and refused to look at Harry, saying hoarsely, "What did you say?"

"I asked whether you know anything about Horcruxes, sir…You see-"

Slughorn immediately seemed to know what Harry was after and that Dumbledore had sent him. He was furious and panicked and refused to answer anything, adamantly announcing that the memory Dumbledore had was the truth and that there was nothing more to anything. Slughorn marched away and slammed the door before Harry could say much more. Sighing heavily, Harry trudged out of the room, unsurprised to find that Slughorn was nowhere to be seen. Checking the time, he headed towards the boy's lavatory before his next class.

When he approached the door, he heard familiar voices inside.

"You? You're the one who's responsible for the cursed necklace?" Nott was saying.

"Hush, will you?" Draco hissed. "And yes, I am."

"Ha. Lot of good that did. Not only did it get into the wrong hands, but it didn't even kill Katie Bell, did it?" Nott said nastily.

"You know, this murder business isn't exactly as easy as it seems," Draco growled.

"Right," said Nott. "So, what else have you done?"

"That's none of your business," Draco said stiffly. "How did you even find out about this anyway? I didn't think Ezra Nott was important enough to be let in on these sorts of things."

"Yes, because a sixteen year old boy is so much more important and a skilled wizard like my father?" Nott demanded, sounding angry.

"Apparently," Draco said smugly.

"Hmm," said Nott. "At any rate," he continued stiffly, "I might be of some aid if you would just tell me your next plan?"

"My next plan is already in action," Draco said. "Poisoned mead."

"He's not dead yet," Nott was saying.

"It'll get to him eventually, alright? If I do anything more it would be too suspicious," Draco snapped. "You think killing Albus Dumbledore is an easy task? Why don't you go do it, then."

Harry's eyes grew wide. In a panic, he scrambled down the corridor when he heard movement and the voices growing louder. He jogged upstairs and headed right towards Gryffindor Tower. His heart was racing in his chest while the conversation replayed over and over in his mind. Draco had been trying to kill Dumbledore.

Passing the library, he ran right into Hermione as she was walking out. She glared at him, but before she could say anything, Harry pulled her aside and began whispering anxiously to her. "Draco's trying to kill Dumbledore!"

"What?" Hermione exclaimed.

"Shhhh!" Harry said. "I heard him in the bathroom talking to Nott! He was saying he was the one who…who gave Katie the necklace! Remember that? And he mentioned poisoned mead and Nott was offering help, but he definitely said 'You think killing Albus Dumbledore is an easy task?'!"

Hermione gaped at him in shock. "But…but I-"

"I know, I know…Just…I don't even know, Mione!" Harry said in frustration. "Just…be careful, okay? I need to go warn Dumbledore."

He felt bad about leaving Hermione alone and about telling her like that, but he felt she needed to know, especially if she was going to be alone with Draco again. It turned out Harry was a fool for Slytherins, he thought bitterly. His lover had been the man who told Voldemort about the prophecy and now Draco was working for Voldemort to kill Dumbledore! How had Harry trusted him? Shaking those thoughts out of his head, he headed straight towards Dumbledore's office, but as he neared it, he realized he didn't have the password.

"Erm…Cockroach clusters?" he said uncertainly to the gargoyle. That had been the password when he had his lesson yesterday.

"Wrong," the gargoyle told him. "But never you mind, the headmaster isn't in."

Of course. "Damn it," Harry muttered, but was determined not to give up. He paused only a moment to make his decision before running back down to the dungeons, luckily not running into Draco or Nott. He burst right into Severus's office, glad to find the man was there, even though he seemed as though he were about to head out.

"Potter-" the man said.

Harry slammed the door shut. "Severus, Draco is trying to kill Dumbledore."

"Professor Snape," Severus corrected in a dark tone. "And it is Professor Dumbledore or Headmaster Dumbledore. Twenty points from Gryffindor for disrespect."

"Did you fucking hear me?" Harry demanded.

"Another ten for foul language," Severus went on.

"HE'S TRYING TO KILL DU-"

A hand slapped over his mouth and Harry found himself pressed back against the door. "Careful, Potter."

Harry glared at him. "So. I was right then? You are on his side, aren't you?" Harry laughed bitterly and shook his head. "You know, when I really thought about it, I thought I had that part wrong, but I guess not, huh?"

"Oh shut it," Severus snarled. "I am not on the Dark Lord's side. And neither is Draco."

"BUT I HEARD HIM-"

The hand returned. "Why don't you think for a minute, Potter. Use that miniscule brain of yours for once in your lousy existence."

Harry glowered at him, resisting the urge to bite the hand. After a minute, Severus pulled his hand back. "You can't tell me I heard him wrong," Harry said, struggling to keep himself from shouting. "He said he was the one who gave Katie the cursed locket. He even said he had given Dumbledore poisoned mead or something."

Severus just stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before stepping back. "I thought Draco had told you he had taken the Mark."

"He did," Harry said slowly.

"What did he tell you about it?"

"Not much," Harry said. "He didn't want to talk about it!"

"Because he couldn't," Severus explained. "Draco is…in a way…acting as a spy…"

"So are you, but you're not trying to kill anybody," Harry snapped.

"The Dark Lord wishes Draco to kill the headmaster," Severus explained. "He can't very well do nothing…There has to be word of some attempt made. Draco informs me of everything, Harry…And we've taken care of it so far."

"Not enough, then, if Katie ended up in St. Mungo's," Harry reminded him, feeling suspicious still.

"Mistakes have been made," Severus admitted. "Foolish mistakes, but this is risky business. I would appreciate it if you would keep your mouth shut and leave this to those whose job it is."

"Right," Harry muttered, ready to just leave. He had half a mind to go to McGonagall after this.

"You really should learn to trust more, Potter. Constantly questioning the motives of those you deem close?" Severus said nastily. "I'm sure Draco will be pleased to hear how quickly you were willing to believe him to be evil."

"As pleased as you are, I'm sure," Harry muttered. "Not sure why it would matter to either of you. S'not like you've put much stock into trust."

"Get out, Potter."

"Gladly, Professor."

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When he was gone from Severus's office, he immediately headed back upstairs, though he wasn't really sure where he was going. He figured he could talk to Hermione first, before anything bad happened. Harry still wasn't too sure what to make on the issue of Draco, but he at least owed her to tell her what Severus had told him.

It appeared he was too late.

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" Hermione was shrieking.

Harry's stomach sank as he walked outside. Hermione and Draco were fighting not far from the castle, a group of onlookers nearby. Harry didn't figure much had been said, at least nothing the group could hear, as none of them were freaking out and accusing Draco of being a Death Eater.

"You're supposed to trust me!" Draco shouted. He glared at Harry when he saw him approach. "You both were."

"Draco, I-" Harry began.

"I don't want to hear it," Draco snarled.

"We're done here, anyway," Hermione snapped. She reached up and yanked off the necklace Draco had given her for Christmas and tossed it at his feet and ripped the bracelet from her wrist. "I should have known better."

"So should I," Draco muttered darkly, picking up the jewelry and storming off.

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Lost and Damned