Never A Memory

A/N: This chapter turned out to be really loooooong. I'm sure you'll all love that. There's a catch though:

There's a cliffhanger.

Beware the cliffhanger.

Mwahahaha.

I'm pumping these out as fast as I can. I wanted to finish it by Christmas as my present to you guys, since you've all been so great. I...don't know if that's going to happen though. The days have been whizzing by and I've been neglecting my Christmas shopping duties. I'll do what I can.

I just realized I've been writing this story for nearly a year.

Jeeeeeeeeeeezus.

Anyhoo, enjoy.



~Weep Not for the Memories~


//…I will remember you, will you remember me?..
…Don’t let your life pass you by…
…Weep not for the memories…//

The Ministry of Magic; Conference Room B67. The next morning…
***

Harry shuffled through the documents in Malfoy’s file as Ron scribbled notes on the board behind him. They were preparing for a thorough briefing with all those involved with the Malfoy Case due to the impending ‘exorcism’ and it would begin in twenty minutes. Everyone was outside in the hall as they waited for the Head Aurors to be ready for them.

Harry picked up a charmed photo containing a sleeping Draco Malfoy resting in St. Mungo’s. His hair was wild and he looked incredibly unkempt. This photo was taken soon after the Eve Battle when the Malfoy heir had defeated Voldemort. Harry took a deep breath and set it down for another photograph. This one was taken by a Muggle; and the only thing he could really see were a batch of squad cars surround the train station on Willow St.

~*~

Draco leaned against the wall and cleared his throat. “I suppose we’re even then.”

Immediately, Harry’s eyes shot open and his head jerked up. Harry blinked a few times before his green eyes focused on the figure before him and Draco smirked, making sure to keep the lines around his curling lip hard and minutely bemused.

“What?” Harry managed finally.

“I saved your life, you saved mine; we’re square,” Draco answered calmly.

~*~

Harry set down the photo and put his head in his hands.

“You alright, mate?” Ron asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“I’m fine.”

~*~

Draco drew his brows together. “I was talking about your comeback, you ponce. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re even less Gryffindor than I am.”

Harry was immediately on his feet. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? And what the hell makes you think you know anything about me?”

Draco slowly, deliberately raised his hand to his forehead and tapped the lightening bolt scar with his forefinger. Harry’s eyes followed the movement and he unconsciously chewed on his lower lip as he gazed at the scar that used to belong on his skin.

“It bloody hurts when you feel like shite, Potter,” Draco murmured. “Do us a favor and suck it up, you pansy.” Draco paused. Then, “Was it like this with you and Voldemort?”

Harry shook his head slowly. “Not really. I hated him; the pain was more violent.”

Draco snorted. “And what makes you think I don’t hate you?”

Harry gave him a long-suffering look.

~*~

“Harry.”

Harry blinked at Ron, suddenly coming back to the present. “Hm?”

Ron gave him a concerned look. “Are you still vexed about yesterday?”

Harry shrugged. “No, not really.”

“Then what’s with you?”

Harry looked away and, instead of answering, said: “We’re going to need more man-power than we originally thought to keep out the press. Now that the case is public, we’ll need to set up a perimeter of security. We’ll also need to condense the exorcism safely to protect outsiders and to cage Maul should he attempt an escape.” Harry pulled out a map and pointed to the area where they were planning to perform the exorcism and circled the X’ed spot. “We’ll need to ascertain a definitive radius. What’s the protective dome shield the Quidditch World Cup uses?”

“Heroth told me you went to Malfoy last night,” Ron continued, peering at the map and marking the coordinates on the board. “He said he didn’t think it went very well.”

Harry gripped the map tighter than necessary but continued to ignore his partner. “I think we should have Luna write a paper that misleads the populace to another location. That should help our security at least a little.”

~*~

“Don’t kid yourself, Potter. I will always be a Muggle-hating Malfoy and if you don’t hate me now, you will eventually. Isn’t that the game we play?”

“No,” Harry said softly, placing his hands flat against the wood of the table. “What have we given, Malfoy?”

Draco went very still.

“My friend, blood shaking my heart,” Harry continued as Draco slowly turned and stared at him. “The awful daring of a moment’s surrender…which an age of prudence can never retract—“

“By this, and this only, we have existed,” Draco finished for him, his voice as icy as his eyes. “You sneaky bastard, you found my Pensieve.”

~*~

“What happened, Harry?” Ron persisted. “I know this depressed look. It took you months to smile after Ginny—“

“Actually, Ron, I’d rather not talk about it,” Harry snapped, pushing the map away in disgust and turning to glare at him.

Ron searched his gaze. Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Oh, no. You told him, didn’t you?”

~*~

“It’s all very touching, really.”

“What is?” Harry asked, not bothering to look up.

“Your utterly noble concern for my welfare.”

It was Harry’s turn to smirk as he turned towards Draco. “You are nothing but a job to me, Malfoy; never forget that.”

~*~

Harry looked away. “We’ll need to ask Alt if the Markaghirelle will effect the exorcism.”

“Oh, Merlin…” Ron looked even more concerned. “You really did fall for him, didn’t you?”

Harry gave Ron a pained look. “Ron, please drop it, okay? Let’s just get this over with.” Harry turned back to the file on the desk and began arranging everything neatly. Ron bit his lip as his partner looked away, worried, more than ever, about his friends fragile heart.

Harry was strong, noble, and brave, but his heart had been shattered too often. Too much heartache can turn a man bitter.

Harry closed his eyes.

~*~

“What’s this?” Harry asked, eyeing the plate of butter pasta, chicken, and peas.

Draco raised a bemused brow. “Most cultures call it food.”

Harry stared incredulously at Draco, tossing his head to the side to dispel a stray lock of jet-black hair from his eyes. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

Draco frowned and bent to take the plate away.

“No!” Harry said immediately, grabbing the plate covetously. “I didn’t mean…well…What’s in it?”

“Arsenic,” Draco replied, stone-faced.

~*~

//…Remember the good times we had?..
…I let them slip away when things got bad…//

Harry smiled slightly and opened his eyes. He took in a deep breath. “It’s time. Let them in.”

Minister Scrimgeour entered first, followed by Mary Heart. Hermione Granger escorted Father Alt and a pair of Aurors escorted Maximus Cure. Draco’s guard—except the four currently on duty—filed in after them. Blaise came in last, trailing behind Trisha Knockwood and Luna Lovegood.

From his seat, Harry narrowed his eyes on Blaise Zabini. “Zabini, you presence in this room is inappropriate. Please excuse yourself.”

Zabini frowned. “I have been cleared.”

“That may be so,” Harry said calmly, lifting his chin. “And I am grateful to you for your timely confession. However, you did, in fact, withhold information from the authorities on this case and are responsible for Draco Malfoy’s Death Warrant. I believe you may have genuine intentions and, yes, you have helped us in the past.” Harry paused. “But I do not trust you,” Harry finished matter-of-factly.

Zabini glared at the Auror despite seeming resigned to the fact that he would no longer take a primary role in the rest of Draco Malfoy’s Case…for now. Blaise Zabini was no fool; he had expected this. “Don’t fuck this up, Potter.”

“I won’t.”

Zabini left quietly. Harry sent Heroth to follow him. The Minister gazed at the Head Auror approvingly. “Well done.”

Harry stood and nodded to the Minister. “Please be seated. Let’s begin.”

Harry turned to the board, marker in hand, and paused before beginning his lecture.

~*~

“You want to know some truth about purebloods, Potter?” Draco asked quietly, suddenly stalking towards Harry with quick strides. Harry barely had time to blink before Draco reeled back his arm and slammed his fist into Harry’s jaw.

Harry’s head snapped back and immediately his magic charged up around him. Harry automatically reacted by burying his fist into Draco’s gut. Draco grunted and jabbed his elbow into Harry’s face. With a shout, Harry swung hard; trying to land a punch to the side of Draco’s face, but Draco grabbed the flying wrist and stepped inside the swing, pressing his lips against Harry’s.

~*~

Harry shook his head, attempting to clear his head of his brain’s apparent need to concentrate on Draco Malfoy.

Harry then underlined the word “exorcism” on the board and turned to those seated before him. “Father Alt, if you please.”

Alt stood and made his way to the front. He eyed the notes on the board before turning to those assembled. He explained what he had told Draco, saying that Maul could not be killed by mortal hands, but he could be cast back to hell. The Roman Ritual of Exorcism would draw out the Black Tulpa while the Inversion Enchantratem forced Malfoy’s magic outside of his body. Harry would then need to move inside Malfoy’s sphere of energy and face Maul. Once weakened by the Sword of Godric Gryffindor, Harry would then need to remove Maul from Malfoy’s sphere and Alt would bind the Tulpa, casting it back to the depths with the holy rites.

Harry frowned. “You plan to perform the exorcism?”

~*~

When Harry stirred and slowly opened his eyes, Draco glanced over at him with a perfect, pureblood smirk.

“I cannot possibly be expected to believe that that chair is more comfortable than my bed,” Draco drawled.

Harry looked down at Draco’s robe that covered him and a small smile graced his lips. “How incredibly sweet of you, Malfoy,” Harry remarked, almost cynically…but not quite.

“Oxymoronic,” Draco said with a shake of his head. “Malfoy’s are never sweet.”

~*~

Alt nodded. “It is Malfoy’s wish, Zauberer.”

Harry laughed bitterly and rolled his eyes. “Of course Malfoy would want a man convicted of negligent homicide to perform his exorcism. Of course.”

Alt looked strangely at him. “Ich vergebe dir.”

“I didn’t ask for your forgiveness, priest,” Harry snapped.

Alt nodded, conceding the point. “Sometimes it is good to forgive even if it is not requested.”

Harry paused.

~*~

Feeling foolish, Harry shook his head and made to stand up, unnerved by the intensity of those sharp, gray eyes. Draco reached out and pulled him back down, his mouth curling into a bemused smile.

“It’s early yet,” Draco murmured, the boldness in his eyes becoming more pronounced. “I was just thinking about how you were awake and still here. That’s all.”

~*~

Trisha Knockwood inquired about Alt’s reference to Maul as a demon and Alt explained that, in his faith, demons are fallen angels. In his opinion, angels are condensed energy and, therefore, Tulpa.

As they all considered this, Alt took his seat and Ron stood to explain their plans for security. Harry sat, his mind wandering as Alt’s words rang in his ears.

~*~

“Trust me,” Harry whispered against Draco’s mouth.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and pressed his forehead against Harry’s sweat-dampened brow. “I’ve never trusted anyone.”

“Trust me,” Harry repeated, feeling the magic between them become more energized and spike in red and white bolts of electricity around them.

Draco closed his eyes and nodded.

~*~

Luna Lovegood agreed to write the paper, thinking it was a good idea. Hermione Granger was looking strangely at Harry.

~*~

Harry shot him a single baleful look before resuming his glower in the direction they were headed.

Pursing his lips, Draco leaned forward on his broom and twisted upside down, edging over until he was flying directly beneath Harry. “Look, Potter,” Draco said slyly, carefully locking his ankles around his broom and releasing his hands from the neck of the broom until he dangled beneath Harry, upside down, by his knees. “No hands.”

“Knock it off, Malfoy,” Harry muttered, trying not to grin. Truly, it was probably the funniest thing he had ever seen Draco do.

“Race me,” Draco demanded, pulling himself up and twisting again so that he flew parallel to Harry’s broom. Below them, the city began to shrink smaller and smaller and the clouds darted between them.

Harry snorted. “It won’t be much of a race.”

Draco sighed. “All right, I’ll be fair. You can have a head start.”

“Please; you haven’t flown in nearly three years.”

“Natural talent never dies, Potter.”

Harry laughed, feeling his terrible mood begin to recede. “You’re such a prat. Try to keep up.”

~*~

//…How clearly I first saw you smiling' in the sun…
…I want to feel your warmth upon me…
…I want to be the one…//

Harry felt his chest constrict painfully and did his best to focus on the briefing. Hermione continued to stare at him. Anin and Mackle where going over security plans, being charged with its completion.

Maximus Cure stated that the Inversion Enchantratem would be finished by tomorrow evening. Alt affirmed that the Markaghirelle would negatively affect the Roman Ritual. They decided to take Malfoy off of the potion the morning of the exorcism and conduct the ceremony at sunset.

~*~

Harry watched for a few minutes, wondering why Draco, of all people, was not using magic for the grizzly task at hand. At one point, while Draco continued to labor silently over his father’s grave, Harry turned to retrace his steps to the shed, fairly certain that there was another shovel in there somewhere.

Behind him, Draco shoved his tool into the dirt again and read Harry’s thoughts. “No, Harry. This is something I need to do alone.”

Harry turned back and watched the blond Slytherin resume his task. “Why won’t you use magic? You weren’t exactly built for hard labor.” Harry wasn’t sure what had made him say something cruel but Draco seemed to shrug it off with a harsh laugh, pulling another clump of dirt from atop his father’s grave.

“If you had been in China with me,” Draco murmured, grunting softly as he shoved and heaved pile of dirt after pile of dirt, “you would not say such things.”

~*~

They decided to schedule the exorcism for two days from now.; which left three days before the finalty of Scrimgeour’s prior thirty day time frame.

The Minister cleared his throat. “If the exorcism should fail—“

~*~

“I hate this,” Harry muttered for the third time that night, making to move past Draco towards the door.

Draco grabbed his arm and pushed Harry against the wall, pinning him there with his own body. “You bought us some time, Harry,” Draco whispered, his lips pressed against his ear. “Let’s use it…we may not have another chance.”

~*~

//…I will remember you…
…Will you remember me?..
…Don’t let your life pass you by…
…Weep not for the memories…//

Harry slammed his fist on the table, causing everyone in the room to jump in surprise. “Should I hear the word ‘if’ one more time, so help me Merlin, I will personally remove the person saying it from this case indefinitely.”

“Mr. Potter!” Scrimgeour began, affronted.

“This requires all involved to be utterly devoted and completely committed,” Harry continued, his eyes flashing passionately. “Should there be anyone walking out on that field two days from now thinking this will fail, assuming that Maul will get out, or Draco or I will die, it would screw up the entire operation. Cure will complete the Inversion Enchantratem tomorrow. I will march into Malfoy’s magic and ram the Sword of Godric Gryffindor through Maul’s black heart. Alt will perform the exorcism and cast this thing back to Hell where it belongs. No one will die and that includes Draco Malfoy and myself. Am. I. Clear?”

Minister Scrimgeour regarded Harry Potter thoughtfully and tilted his head to one side. “Transparently.”

A knock sounded at the door and Snape let himself in. He bent to whisper something in Hermione’s ear. She rose and stepped out into the hall with Snape.

Moments later, they returned.

“Harry,” Hermione said, wringing her hands. “Malfoy’s refusing to take the Markaghirelle.”

“What?” Harry snapped irritably. “Merlin! Fine; I’ll hold the little bastard down and force it down his throat, so help me God…” Harry rose and stormed out into the hall, Severus Snape trailing behind him.

Hermione stopped Ron from following, shaking her head at her fiancée. “They need to work this out,” she whispered to him, keeping her voice low so no one else could hear. “Harry can’t do this thing all distracted like he is.”

Ron nodded, his eyes widening as he realized Hermione and Snape had just lied to Harry to get him to go to Draco. “He’s really worked up,” Ron agreed.

“Can you finish the briefing without him?”

“Yeah,” Ron said, making his way to front of the room again. “Alright, people…”

~*~

The Minister’s Suite…
***

Draco sat on his bed, staring off into space and hating, for the hundredth time, the aftertaste of the Markaghirelle.

It had been a good plan. But it had backfired.

Sure, he had managed to get Harry off the hook and back to his duties as Head Auror. But Harry Potter was no fool, and Draco had underestimated him. The Auror had seen right through his ploy to distance himself. To try to make Harry think it would be alright if something went wrong, that it would be okay if Draco had to die in order for Harry to be able to save himself.

Goddamn him and his insufferable pride. Why does he always have to be so sodding noble?

~*~

"I'm filing a transfer today."

"What?" Draco snapped, his eyes suddenly going wide and his casual demeanor slipping. "Why?"

Harry swallowed and refused to look up. "Last night, I acted unprofessionally. There are well-equipped Aurors who can handle your case better than I."

"You must be joking," Draco said, incredulous. "You’re going to run away? I thought heroes never ran away."

"I'm no hero," Harry answered, his voice quiet. "I can survive against incredible odds, but that doesn't make me a hero. You need someone who will handle your case responsibly."

"I'm not interested in having my case transferred, you coward," Draco hissed, suddenly angry. "It shouldn't matter what goes on here, Potter. It's only you and I."

"What do you want from me?"

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"I want you to stop holding me in the past."

Harry finally looked up at Draco, the vulnerability in his green eyes almost too much for Draco to bear.

"When you stop holding me in the past," Draco continued, "things like last night won't seem so terrible. You and I both know this has nothing to do with me being your 'case'. "

"I can't--"

“You can’t, what?” Draco interrupted, clenching his fists. “Snog your old school rival? Get too close? Have a little goddamn fun? Let yourself believe I may not be as terrible as you once thought? What, Potter? I really want to understand this one, mate, because, frankly, I’m not the only enigma here!”

~*~

//… I’m so tired but I can’t sleep…
…Standing on the edge of something much too deep…//

Draco blinked, the memory fading. Draco took a deep breath.

Too much and not enough. It was never, ever enough. It would never be enough. Didn’t he get that?

Draco knew, for bloody fact, that he could never make Harry happy. This whole charade was pointless. There was a reason he tried to push Harry away. There was a reason he orchestrated everything to look like they had all gone behind Harry’s back. He knew it would infuriate the Gryffindor Golden Boy. There was always a rhyme and reason to everything he did.

Except, of course, falling for him.

Draco could tell himself he allowed himself to get close to Harry Potter because he wanted to piss off Pure Blood circles until he was blue in the face.

But loving the Auror sworn to protect him was something he chose into with no real plan in mind, with no real objective.

In fact, he wasn’t even all that certain when it had happened.

~*~

Black shrouded Death Eaters could be seen only a few yards away from them, the Gatherer strolling lazily behind them all.

Draco's eyes welled in frustration. "RAISE YOUR WAND!" he screamed.

Harry shook his head and spread his hands wide. "I won't."

"Harry!" The young Auror's name caught in his throat.

"No."

The cold chill of the impending dawn seemed to thicken as the Death Eaters came so close, one could see their evil grins.

"What I'll become if you don't is so much worse than you killing me," Draco all but sobbed. "Please!"

"We'll get through this another way," Harry whispered, his eyes full of that terrible kindness Dumbledore had looked at Draco with when the Headmaster explained that he wasn't a killer. Despite it all, he wasn't a killer. "Narcissa Malfoy, a martyr to your soul. And you, to mine. You know I can't do this thing. There must be another way."

Draco choked on another sob trying to escape his throat as he heard his own words coming back to haunt him. And, like before, Draco was defeated by his own conscience. He felt it as his arm became unbearably heavy and lowered, seemingly of its own accord. Deja vu swamped at him and the only thing that kept him on his feet was the thought of whether or not a person could play martyr twice in one life. Draco didn't think so. He lowered his wand and stepped into Harry's embrace.

~*~

//… Its funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word…
…We are screaming inside but we can't be heard…//

And what was even more frustrating, yesterday Harry Potter stood two feet away from him, telling him he loved him, and Draco couldn’t move a muscle. He couldn’t turn around and tell him he felt the same. Something inside of him was screaming to turn and go to him, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t see that look in Harry’s eyes. He couldn’t afford to hope.

And then Harry was gone.

Just like that.

Draco just wanted the last memories he had of his life to be good ones. Last time, Draco died with nothing but grief, sadness, and hatred to look back on. This time, Draco wanted to see someone smiling at him when he felt his last breath escape his lungs. He wanted to hear laughter, and not that of an evil entity. He wanted to feel forgiven.

~*~

Draco didn't answer as he dashed at his face with the back of one hand, irratibly wiping away his tears as if they were shameful. "I'm so sorry, Harry."

Harry pressed his lips to Draco's brow before rising to his feet. "I'll get you out of here as soon as I can."

Draco nodded and rose to sit on his cot.

Harry crossed the room but paused at the door. "I know in my gut that Cruent's not worth your tears, Draco," Harry murmured. Draco raised his head, meeting Harry's gaze. "But it makes me feel better," Harry continued, "knowing you think he is. It means you're winning against this bastard Maul."

"Does it?"

Harry offered a faint, encouraging smile. "I think so."

~*~

//… I will remember you…
…Will you remember me?..
…Don’t let your life pass you by…
…Weep not for the memories…//

Harry Potter had given him that. Harry didn’t seem to need him to be someone else; the Auror seemed to be content with Draco just as he was.

But he had gotten too close. Harry had fallen into the same trap. And now the blasted Gryffindor was going to be noble.

//…I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose…//

Now, Draco felt obligated to live, and he despised that. He felt obligated to try, and hated that even more. Why was it so much easier to give up?

//…Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose…//

The Slytherin pondered this for a few minutes, as he used to when he was isolated in the Chinese wilderness. Draco chewed on the inside of his cheek, coming to no conclusions. Perhaps it was just natural. Perhaps it was just natural for him.

Perhaps not.

//…Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night…//

Draco then thought of their brief moments of happiness at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, remembering the conversation he had had with Harry only a few days ago. Was it worth it to try?

Definitely.

//…You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life…//

Still, Harry was right. It scared the shit out of him.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang near the front door and Draco could hear Harry angrily shouting his name. Frowning, Draco stood and went into the hall.

“What is it?” Draco asked softly, seeing his godfather hovering near Harry’s shoulder.

“Snape tells me you’re refusing to take the Markaghirelle,” Harry grated. “Why?”

Draco looked past Harry and regarded his godfather, raising a silver brow. “Godfather?”

Severus coughed and began heading back towards the door.

“Snape, what is the meaning of this?” Harry demanded, whirling on his old Potions Master.

Snape shrugged. “Reconcile.” With that, Snape took his leave, shutting the front door firmly behind him.

Harry turned back to Draco.

“I just took my morning dosage,” Draco said with a sigh.

“I gathered,” Harry replied, not quite meeting his eyes. “I’ll go.”

“Harry.”

Harry froze. His heart always seems to forget its primary function whenever Draco said his name that way. Damn him.

Draco took a step forward.

//…Weep not for the memories…
…Weep not for the memories…//

~*~

Lyrics from “Will You remember Me” by Sarah McLachlan


A/N: Gah! Nasty, nasty cliffhanger. My humblest apologies. This chapter was becoming Waaaaaay too long. I’ll update again tomorrow, I promise.


paigeey07: Thank you! Have you heard the Tori Amos cover. I just melt when i hear it. I hope you enjoyed the update!



Mangacat: Wow, thank you! That's what I was going for. I'm so relieved I pulled it off. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Luna friggin rocks my socks off. I'm actually taken aback by how well she was recieved in the story. You guys rock my socks off too. Umbridge is done, done, done. Gawd, that woman makes my skin crawl. She'll be alluded to when I wrap things up, but we won't see her again.

Thanks for your review and I hope you enjoyed the update!



Mangacat: "It's about Harry making steps.. and comitting himself more than he ever has before." --- HOORAY! *does happy dance* Precisely. There's something coming up that really goes into this. He's getting it. He's taking that leap. And he's holding his breath to see if Draco will leap too. Thanx for your review and I hope you enjoyed the update!



Lilith: I'm glad you liked it. I thought it'd be pretty funny too, despite the seriousness of the later conversation. Regarding your question: I think it's definitely a little of both. I wrote it because it could go either way. Rock on for catching that! Thanx for your review and I hope you enjoyed the update.