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Both Sides	By : ccino49 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 10429 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 51
- 52
- 53
I do not own any of the characters or places from the Harry Potter books or films. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. All that is mine is Lou and the plot. I am not making any money from the writing of this story.

Both Sides.

Ch 52 What is a Binding?

�No, don�t go to him, stay here or go to the manor. He can�t hurt you if you keep away from him.�

Albus explained the nature of the mark on Severus� arm and how he would eventually go insane if he did not answer the call. He also told her that Voldemort would increase his attacks on muggle and wizard families, killing all regardless of who they were. He reminded her that when she joined the Order, she gave an oath to do everything in her power to aid and protect her fellow members and do whatever she could to bring about the downfall of Voldemort.
Her mind was a whirl of information and confusion. �So I have no choice, we have to get married. I�ll do it because I don�t want Se �Professor Snape to be killed, I truly don�t, I just don�t see how it helps to stop Voldemort.�

�As your husband through binding, Severus will become immune to any danger you may present with your powers. When your collar is removed Lou, your magic will be equal to none. Voldemort will not be able to defeat you when that happens, and hopefully you will turn the tables in our favour and rid the world for a while of the worst tyrant wizard has ever known. Only Severus will be able to safely remove the collar once you are wed, and it must be done in the presence of Voldemort. He will assume that Severus is showing his respect by waiting to remove the binding collar.�
�Then what? When the collar comes off I mean.�
�Then we see what happens, I can tell you no more than that.�
�Okay then, I�ll do it.� She said after a long pause, as far as Lou could see, she had to do this. She didn�t think for one moment that Professor Snape had any real feelings for her, other than perhaps concern for her welfare since she�d saved his life. In fact he probably hated her deep down, she knew he wasn�t the type of man that took kindly to owing anything to anyone. At least they could get divorced when this was all over, if it ended that was. Then he would be free to do as he pleased and she could �what? Lou didn�t know what she would do then, even when he was angry with her, she felt safe with Severus, she felt something else too but refused to think about that. She wasn�t really ready for that and there was no way he would ever �not with her anyway. In her dreams it was always Severus, even when she tried to think of Ron, it would end up being Severus who entered her mind. They were dreams though, not reality. She knew he�d gotten hard this morning when they hugged, but that was just a physical thing because he most likely hadn�t had any for a while. Nichole told her boys get like that, so men probably did too. �When will we �get married?�
�Lou, there is something else you have to know.� Severus told her as he returned to his seat. Marriage through binding is much different to any other joining. It is not like a handfasting or a muggle wedding. There are certain�stipulations that must be adhered to.�

�It doesn�t sound good. That doesn�t matter though, because we�re not really bound, so we can have a normal wedding and tell him it was the other kind.�
�No we cannot. Lou, if I am to be protected when I remove your collar, we must be properly bound, that is why the Headmaster added the binding spell to your collar before Christmas. You are indeed bound to me.�
�I�m what? You didn�t? How could you?�
�It was necessary Lou, for the reasons we have already explained. It was not something either of us would wish upon you, merely something that had to be done.� Albus said.
�Merely? Huh. You said there were stipulations, what are they?�

�Those I shall explain in private.� Severus told her. �I do not think you would wish to hear them in the presence of the Headmaster, although he does know of them.�
She gripped her stomach. Lou didn�t even know what the rules were yet but she had a feeling she wasn�t going to like them and she felt sick.
Severus noted her pallor, the way she held herself and quickly helped her to her feet, leading her through a door into a bathroom.

She barely made it the toilet before she was violently sick, her head was swimming and she wanted to die. Unfortunately her stomach wouldn�t let her and she retched long after there was nothing more to bring up.
Albus entered with a small beaker and Severus encouraged her to drink.
Lou immediately stopped retching, but it didn�t take away the feeling of foreboding that she had.
Severus took a flannel and washed her face as she sat on the bathroom floor shaking.
�I am sorry Lou, had I known the Dark Lord would react as he did, I would never have said what I did. I confess I panicked when he asked me why the collar was there, I had only seconds to reply.�
�It�s alright, I don�t blame you. You did what you had to, how did he know about it though? That�s what I don�t understand.�
�When you were raped, it would have jeopardised too many lives were we to take the matter to the authorities, so I was forced to inform the Dark Lord. He would have found out eventually anyway, so I used the information to earn his trust a little more, he already had a vested interest in you and demanded you were not to be harmed in any way. When I informed him of what happened, he took it upon himself to mete out his own justice on the boys, after he performed Legillimens on them. He wanted to see exactly what they did before deciding on their punishment, he will also have enjoyed seeing what they did to you. He most likely put the memory into a pensive for his own viewing pleasure and that is when he will have noticed the collar.�
�Oh my God, how sick is he? He saw what happened to me and saved it to watch again? He�s insane, mental, perverted.�
�Precisely, and that is only a small part of him Lou, of what he stands for, what he does.� Severus said.
�So if �when you take the collar off me, all this power I�ve supposedly got will come out and what exactly?�
�We are not exactly sure, but hopefully it may damage him enough that the Order will have time to come up with another plan.�
�And I wont hurt you like I did the first time? I don�t want to do that again, it was horrible, frightening.�
�Not this time, there will also be the advantage of you being able to channel your power through me if necessary. Should you be in danger at any time Lou, if you are afraid, do not hesitate to use me, even if I am unconscious or�dead, you will still be able to do so.�
�Dead? I don�t want you to be dead, you can�t be.� She told him. �I won�t do this if your gonna get killed, I wont.�
�Lou you must, it is a miracle I have survived as long as I have. When I am gone, you will be free to live your life in any way you wish, meet someone, fall in love, have children, as it should be.�
�No. I don�t want to do that. I want you, I want �� Suddenly realising what she�d said, Lou stopped and turned away from him. �Please don�t die Se �Professor.�
�Though I intend to do my utmost to stay alive, that is something I have no control over. Also, whilst not in the presence of students or staff members other than the headmaster, you may call me Severus. If you are to be my wife, it is only fitting that you do so. Are you feeling better, perhaps you would like to go to your rooms and rest for a while longer?�
�I�d like to go down and freshen up, then I want to know what this binding involves, at least I think I do.
Lou was washed and changed, her teeth cleaned and she was curled up on her sofa, cuddling a cushion and drinking a herbal tea that Kreatcher brought for her.
�Is not good Lou that you is Binding with anyone, you is not knowing how it is done.�
�Kreatcher, you�re not making this any easier for me. Severus is gonna come and explain it to me. Anyway, it�s not as if it�s forever, he can divorce me as soon as this is all over.�

�No Lou, I cannot.� Severus said as he entered the room. �Marriage by Binding is unbreakable, other than by death.�
Kreatcher scowled and popped out.
�Your joking. It can�t be, everyone gets divorces these days. You don�t want to be tied to me for the rest of your life.�
Severus did not tell her that he would not consider it to be such a hardship. Nor did he tell her he had feelings for her, deep feelings that had been growing for quite some time. He�d fought against them, of course he had, but it did not alter the fact they were there.

�As I said earlier, it is unlikely I will survive once he knows the truth.�
When Lou opened her mouth to protest, he held up a hand to silence her.
�You will be free to live your life as you choose, whether or not I survive Lou, I shall not tie you down. You have every right to go into the world and experience life, I have no desire to prevent you from doing that.�

�Like hell I haven�t. I would keep you with me every day of my life if I believed for one second that my feelings for you were returned.� He thought sadly.
�I wish you felt what I feel, I want to be tied to you, I don�t want to live my life with someone else, I want to experience it with you.� Lou thought to herself.

�When do we get married then?� She asked quietly.
�The Binding itself will begin on the 1st January, it will last for seven days and nights, there will then be a short ceremony, followed by seven days and nights of consummation.�
�So what is the binding? What do we have to do, and why does it take all that time?�
�It is called a Binding for a reason Lou, it is the strongest marriage contract in existence, also the most violent as regards my behaviour towards you should you not conform to my demands. From now until the Binding begins, you will train to be completely subservient to me, everything I tell you to do, you will do without question. As from today, I am your Master Lou, it can be no other way. You must learn in a matter of days, what would normally be taught over several years, in preparation for the Binding.�

He paused, allowing her to take in what he�d said.

�From the start of the Binding, for seven days, and seven nights you will be bound, naked, and constantly in my presence. You will follow me at a distance of seven paces, you will be allowed eye contact with me seven times each day, and you will go down on your knees in supplication to me seven times each day. That is seven times seven Lou. During this time, you will show servitude and obedience, you will not on any occasion during those seven days dispute what I say, you will abide by my every decision. You will remain that way during the ceremony, only then will you be released from your bonds and robed.�
He watched as her face alternately crumpled, then her jaw would drop in disbelief, before crumpling again as she struggled not to cry.
�OhGodohGodohGod.� She breathed.
�Lou I am sorry it has to be this way. Believe me, I did not think for a moment that the Dark Lord would actually allow this to happen, never mind demand that it did.�
�Can�t we just pretend I did those things? No one has to know, tell him, tell him I did what you said, he�ll believe you, I know he will.�

�I cannot do that, for one; a true binding will not happen if you do not do this, two; he will demand that we show him via Legillimens.�

�So we block him, you taught me Occlumancy so I could do that.�

�I did, but he will still want to see and we cannot deny him if we wish to survive long enough to defeat him. You have to do it Lou, you have no choice now.�

�Please, I don�t want to be tied up and have no clothes on, or bow to you and obey you and stuff. It�s not right.�

�Do you honestly think I want this? Well I do not. Neither of us have any say in this Lou, if you do not follow the rules of the binding I shall be forced to punish you. Not because I wish to, because that is the way, you must give your complete capitulation to me.�
�Well what about you, don�t you have to obey me and things?�

�No, there is no equality in a binding, the wizard is master, the witch is only there to serve and service her master.�
�Serve and service? Service how?�
�That comes during the seven days and nights following the ceremony, when the marriage is consummated.�
�I don�t know what that means.� she told him. �Consummated?�
�I would really like to give you a dictionary right now and tell you to look it up yourself.� He said, drawing his long hands down his face. �However, I am the one who got you into this mess, so it is down to me to explain. To consummate Lou, is to �you do know what a newly married couple do on their wedding night?�
�Yeah, they �do �it.�
�To consummate is to �do it� as you so eloquently put it. Correctly put, sexual intercourse. I must take you at least once each day, and again each night, to finalise the binding. Only then, will we be truly bound and wed.�
Lou first made a series of inarticulate noises, then when she tried to speak her words were jumbled and unintelligible for a while.
At first Severus thought she was choking and moved to sit beside her before realising she wasn�t.
�Lou, do not say anything yet, I know this is hard for you, what a shock it must be. Were there any other way, I would take it. I really have no desire to fu �to �Damn!� He finally exclaimed.
�It�s not that I never want you to, it�s just that I�m not re �you have no desire to? You really dislike me that much? I �I didn�t �I mean I know I annoy you, but I ...� She ran to her bedroom and warded the door, throwing herself on the bed.

�What the hell am I thinking, what�s wrong with me? I want him, but I don�t. Well I do, but I�m scared, it�ll hurt, I know it will. It hurt when Malfoy and Zabini did it. Not that it matters, he doesn�t want me anyway, he just said so. I�m just a kid to him, he doesn�t find me desirable, that�s what he said. He�d rather do anything rather that fuck me, that�s what he was gonna say. He�s only gonna do it because he has to, so what will he do, put a bag on my head so he doesn�t have to look at me?�

Lou was upset, confused, she didn�t know what she wanted. She couldn�t figure out how she could want someone and not want them at the same time. She was also humiliated because he admitted to her face that he didn�t want her. How bad was that?
When she heard a knock on the door she knew it was him. �Go away. I want to be on my own.�
�I will not. Lou we have to talk about this, I do not intend to do that through a door.�

�I don�t want to talk about it, I want to forget about it.�
Severus was getting a bit pissed off. He didn�t like the situation anymore than she did and he�d be buggered if he was putting up with her sulks. He lowered her wards and stepped into the room looking none too pleased.
�I told you I didn�t want to talk. Go away and leave me alone.�
�Well I do want to talk, so talk we damn well will. I understand that you are upset, angry even. I understand that you are not ready for a full on relationship with anyone, but sulking will not solve anything and if there is something I cannot abide, it is a sulky child. Woman.�
�Yeah? Well too bad, and make up your mind, am I a child or a woman because I�m as confused as you right now. Anyway, what do you expect after what you said?�

�I have said a lot of things, are you referring to a particular word or sentence, or the whole conversation in general?�
�All of it, some of it. Well the last bit really, look I don�t want to say it so don�t make me, please.� She begged and hid her face in the pillows.
His face softened slightly and he sat beside her on the bed, placing a hand between her shoulders. �Lou tell me which part of the conversation made you take off like that. You learned some truly dreadful things today, but there appears to be one thing that bothers you more than anything.
�No.� Her voice was muffled in the pillows but he was still able to hear the word.
Severus slipped discreetly into her mind, determined to discover her thoughts. When he removed himself he was stunned to say the least.
Is it because I said I do not wish to bed you? Because if it is, I have good reason Lou. Yes you are a woman in many ways, yet you are a child too. You have a child�s vulnerability, a child�s knowledge of all things carnal. Lou I am not a young boy as is Weasley, even Malfoy and Zabini are mere boys and as such, they are not so �this is difficult enough Lou, please look at me.�

She turned and sat up, lifting her eyes to his.
�Lou I am a grown man, I have the endowments of a grown man. Even then I am more gifted then most, I am afraid of hurting you. Even though you lost your virginity in such a cruel and painful way, even though I will be as gentle as I can with you, my size warrants that you will find it uncomfortable at the very least. I am not telling you this to brag, or frighten you, I am telling you because that is how it will be. I am also afraid that once we are in the act of having intercourse, I may lose myself and get carried away. I am a passionate lover Lou, and a powerful one, that is why I do not desire to take you, it has nothing to do with how I might feel about you. That and the fact I am not a paedophile, I have never been with anyone who was not well over legal age, even in the muggle world.�
�Oh, so you don�t find me too unattractive then? What do you mean; a powerful lover? I didn�t say that, don�t answer it pleeeease.�

He raised an eyebrow at her last statement. �On the contrary, I find you very attractive. I also find that my feelings for you have grown somewhat over the months.�
Hearing him say that made all the difference to Lou, but what if his feelings for her were not the same kind of feelings she had for him? Maybe he just felt more friendly towards her while she �well she wouldn�t call it love exactly, or would she? Lou didn�t know what her feelings were, only that they meant she didn�t want to go through all this and not have him with her at the end of it all.

�What kind of feelings Severus? What do you feel for me?�
�I care deeply for you, more than I should have allowed myself to feel. I hate myself for what I have condemned you to Lou, I hate what I shall be forced to put you through. More than that, I hate that what I desire more than anything in the world, I shall be taking with duress.�
TBC
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