Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 51
- 52
- 53
LOST AND DAMNED

Tell Me What to Sacrifice

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Hermione pursed her lips. "Someone got hurt, Harry. And someone else can very well get hurt. I can't just…just turn a blind eye to all of this." She groaned. "I don't even know what to think."

"Welcome to the club," Harry muttered, sitting beside Hermione on a couch in the Room of Requirement. It was one of the best places for privacy, they had learned, and Hermione had not wanted to deal with the stares and whispers of the other Gryffindors. "Do you still care about him?"

"I…shouldn't," Hermione said.

"But you do," he said with a sigh. He knew what that was like.

"Snape says he's…a spy, then?" Hermione asked.

"Mhm," Harry replied. "I just…I don't understand why. Draco can't go to meetings all the time, can he? And they already have Severus…"

"Yeah," Hermione said, sounding disappointed.

Harry didn't want to believe the worst of Draco, either, but what else made sense? He had heard Draco telling Nott about the things he had done to attempt to kill Dumbledore and someone had actually gotten hurt. Even if she hadn't died and even if it hadn't reached its target, he was still risking the safety of other people and Harry and Hermione did not like that at all. Still, Harry couldn't help but feel like there had to be something more. Was he foolish for thinking it? For hoping it?

Draco really had gotten them both good.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The next day was the day of the Gryffindor-Huffelpuff match, and Harry had honestly never loved Quidditch more. The excitement of game day rolled over him and all thoughts of Severus and Draco were in the background where they belonged. Cormac McLaggen was an annoying git, who kept trying to give him "advice" about what they should do for the game and eventually Harry and the rest of the team took to ignoring him. Luckily no one mentioned to him or Hermione what had happened with Draco, but Harry figured that was only temporary. Everyone was too excited about the day's game to focus on "silly school drama." Only Lavender and Parvati were whispering and eying Hermione, but didn't dare approach her.

Eventually it was time to head down to the changing rooms and as Harry stood up, Hermione stood with him and grabbed him, giving him a big hug before planting a chaste kiss on his lips. Harry blinked in surprise and couldn't help but notice the way her eyes darted to the Slytherin table. Harry followed suit and glanced at Draco who was looking away pointedly and let his eyes travel to the Head Table, searching out Severus who sat as stiffly as ever, glowering at Huffelpuffs who weren't doing anything.

"Just wanted to say good luck, Harry," Hermione said with a forced grin. "I know you'll do brilliantly!"

"Erm…Thanks," Harry said, nodding to her and following the rest of his team and some of the Huffelpuffs out of the Great Hall towards their respective changing rooms.

"So are you and Hermione starting up all that funny business again?" Ginny asked irritably as she grabbed her own scarlet robes.

"We're just friends," Harry told her sternly.

"Right," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "She used you to make Ron jealous when he was dating Susan. What makes you think she isn't doing the same now that she and Malfoy ended things?"

"She's not," Harry said, sighing heavily. He sighed when he realized he had the whole team's attention. "We're just friends…Really good friends, but just that."

"Good friends you shag," Ginny muttered.

"What? I haven't shagged Hermione!" Harry shouted. "One little kiss…Not even any sort of kiss to talk about…and everyone thinks we're shagging?"

"Well, all things considered, I don't know what to think," Ginny told him.

"I don't know why it even matters to you," Harry said coldly.

"You're my friends and I'm worried about you both!" Ginny snapped.

"Right," Harry said.

"Don't start with me, Harry," Ginny said, her eyes flashing. "Don't make this something stupid about me fancying you. I'm over it, okay? I have Dean and we're happy…I'm honestly not interested anymore! But I do think it would be a mistake for you two to go back to how things were."

"We're not…Ginny, I promise. She even tried to start it up again this past summer when she was so upset over Ron, but I stopped her…I'm serious, Ginny, I have no intention of letting things go there again," Harry said in exasperation. Ginny did have a point and Harry did worry that maybe Hermione would try something again. But Harry also knew he would deny her. He honestly had no desire to go back to how things used to be between them.

"Alright," Ginny said after a minute, though she didn't seem entirely convinced.

"Go get ready, the game starts soon," Harry instructed, grabbing his own robes.

While he changed, he gritted his teeth together and listened to Cormac go on and on, telling everyone what they needed to be doing.

"Ginny, make sure to keep an eye out for Hastings…He seems to favor going after the smaller people. Demelza, remember you haven't been doing good on…"

Harry tried to tune him out, but it was really getting to be the last straw. They went through this every game and Harry was ready to get rid of Cormac. The man thought he was Merlin's gift to Quidditch, but he wasn't that good. Sadly, he was the best Keeper that had tried out and Harry had yet to find anyone better.

"Looks like it's going to be tricky conditions out there," Cormac went on to say. "Coote, Peakes, you'll want to fly out of the sun, so they don't see you coming-"

"I'm the Captain, McLaggen, shut up giving them instructions!" Harry snapped angrily. "If I hear you bossing around one more of my teammates…" He trailed off threateningly and glared at Cormac who just glowered back in response.

Harry led his team out to the pitch and realized that Cormac was right. When it seemed the Keeper was out of hearing distance, he turned to Coote and Peakes. "Make sure you do fly out of the sun," he told them grudgingly.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Severus sat in the stands, unfortunately seated right next to Horace Slughorn with his godson on his other side. Horace was chatting amiably about Slytherin's chances at the Cup this year and who would have to lose by how much and what they'd have to do the rest of the season to win. A good group of his older Slytherin students gathered around to join in on the conversation, but Severus paid them little mind, only answering direct questions. He was not in the mood to even be here, yet he had come. His dark eyes were drawn down when the Gryffindor team came out, watching as Harry went forward to shake hands with the Huffelpuff captain.

"…only I fear Potter is a very talented Seeker. No surprise, of course, but that makes this awfully tricky," Horace was blabbering.

"He's not that good," Blaise argued.

"My dear boy!" chuckled Horace. "Surely you can see past rivalry enough to see pure talent when you see it."

"He is rather brilliant," Daphne Greengrass confessed, to the disapproval of her classmates. "Well he is."

"Right, my girl," Horace was saying. "But never mind that. There are always ways around even the most skilled. I have the utmost faith in my old House."

The lively conversation continued even when Madam Hooch's whistle blew, but Draco and Severus had no part in it. Draco's silver eyes scanned through the Gryffindor crowd, in search of where his brilliant, bushy haired ex girlfriend could be while Severus's obsidian eyes followed Harry Potter's trail through the sky as best as he could. It was one of very few times he could truly enjoy watching Harry and not have to worry about anyone else noticing…Even if watching him was pure torture.

The brat was infuriating, Severus had to admit. Always jumping to conclusions…Always acting before thinking…Always so reckless and temperamental and stupid. But Severus loved him for it. It was a bit irritating that he had gone and messed things up with Draco…Now, more than ever, Draco needed his friends and all because of a stupid misunderstanding, Draco had lost the two people most important to him. This task for the Dark Lord was hard on him and he needed their support now, more than ever. Severus supposed he could understand a bit of why they would get so upset and he did have a lengthy discussion with Draco last night about being more careful about the things he said, to whom, and where.

His brat was a brilliant flier, though, and Severus focused on that more than all of their issues. He felt his heart ache in his chest as he watched the boy move gracefully on his broom, swooping down and soaring back up and spinning around brilliantly on his Firebolt. He wanted him badly. God, he couldn't even remember missing Lily this badly when things had gone sour between them. It was as though someone had ripped a vital organ from his body and was torturing it repeatedly for him to watch in agony. The sheer desperation with which he missed the boy was beyond pathetic and ridiculous.

Loony Lovegood, the match's commentator, announced that Harry was having an argument with the Gryffindor Keeper, McLaggen. Sure enough, Severus blinked and realized that Harry had stopped and was yelling at McLaggen. He nearly got hit by a Bludger, since he was so distracted, but he managed to duck out of the way just in time before zooming off, resuming his hunt for the Snitch. Severus hardly cared for the apparent drama among the Gryffindor Quidditch team, though the Slytherins were amused by it.

"I don't know how they made Potter captain," Pansy was saying. "He can barely control his team."

"Not everyone is destined for good leadership qualities," Millicent added with a snicker.

"Whatever it is, it's going to do us a lot of good," Daphne commented.

"It's at least entertaining," her sister Astoria was saying.

The Slytherins found themselves plenty entertained just minutes later. Loony Lovegood announced that McLaggen had grabbed one of the Beater's bats, to everyone's shock. Harry turned to yell at him some more and Severus's eyes grew wide as McLaggen swung at a Bludget and mishit it, sending it straight towards Harry. There were screams and gasps as the ball hit him in the side of the head and he fell from his broom.

"MERLIN! DID YOU SEE THAT?" Pansy exclaimed, cackling.

"That was amazing!" Daphne said through a fit of giggles.

"That is the most ridiculous…" Horace was muttering.

Severus just stared, hearing nothing, not even blinking. Everything seemed to freeze. He could feel rage slowly burning up deep within him. His wand hand twitched, just tempted to pull out his wand and curse McLaggen and send every one of the Quidditch balls after him. He breathed evenly, struggling to keep control of himself. He couldn't blow up…That would be too obvious. It would create too many questions. Everything within him screamed with the urge to run to Harry's side and punish the fool who had gotten him hurt, but all he could do was sit by and watch. Madams Hooch and Pomfrey ran out onto the field where Harry lay motionless, shooing away the team who had gathered around him.

He did take some pleasure in the way the Gryffindors immediately rounded on McLaggen, requiring Minerva and Albus both to appear to settle it down as the team ganged up on him. He was a bit disappointed the group was being broken up. He would have enjoyed seeing more damage done to McLaggen.

He had seventh year Gryffindors late Monday afternoons. He had plenty of time to think of appropriate ways of punishing McLaggen and finding good excusable reasons for doing so. Even if he had to get one of his Slytherins to interfere.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sharp pain led to blackness and the next thing Harry knew he was laying on a warm and comfortable bed, staring up at a familiar ceiling.

"Oh thank goodness!" Hermione exclaimed. "Madam Pomfrey, he's awake!"

"How are you feeling, Harry?" Ginny asked quietly from his other side.

"Awful," Harry murmured, blinking and looking around. The hospital wing, of course. The sky outside was indigo streaked with crimson. The match must have ended hours ago. Harry groaned and reached out to pat his head, feeling something heavy and stiff wrapped there. "What happened?"

"Cracked skull," Madam Pomfrey said, bustling over and walking over to him so that Hermione had to scoot her chair back. She pushed him back against his pillows and immediately began fluffing them and straightening his blankets. "Nothing to worry about, I mended it at once, but I'm keeping you in overnight. You shouldn't overexert yourself for a few hours."

"I don't want to stay here overnight!" Harry said angrily, sitting up and throwing back the covers. "I want to find McLaggen and kill him."

"I'm afraid that would come under the heading over 'overexertion,'" Madam Pomfrey said, pushing him back down and straightening his blankets again before raising her wand in a threatening manner. "You will stay here until I discharge you, Potter, or I shall call the headmaster."

Harry glared after her as she bustled back to her office and sank back into his pillows, fuming. He hated Cormac McLaggen. Hated him, hated him, hated him. "How much did we lose by?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Three hundred and twenty to sixty," Ginny replied gloomily.

"Brilliant!" Harry said savagely. "Really brilliant! When I get a hold of McLaggen-"

"Oh don't worry about McLaggen," Ginny said with a wicked smile. "I am notorious for my Bat Bogey Hex, am I not?"

"And he'll be sporting pink hair for a few days," Hermione added with a grin.

"Dean managed to have him sprout some pretty nasty warts," Ginny went on, giggling.

"Lavender was crying when she finally saw him," Hermione laughed.

"McGonagall and Dumbledore made us stop, though," Ginny said.

"Though they didn't really give us much of a punishment," Hermione added. "Course Dumbledore left it to McGonagall and I don't think she was much happier with him, either."

"I think she was tempted to hex him," Ginny said.

"I wish she would have," Hermione muttered.

"Hermione!" Ginny scolded with a grin.

"What? He is a complete git!" Hermione said, flushing.

Harry just smiled, relaxing a bit as his friends talked and enjoying himself in imagining the damage they had all done to McLaggen.

"At least we still have a chance of winning the Cup," Ginny said.

"At least he's alive," Hermione said, shaking her head. She didn't quite understand the importance of Quidditch, did she?

The three spent an hour or so talking about the match and awful things to do to McLaggen before mentioning that Draco had come in to see him for a minute.

"He left when Ginny and I came by," Hermione explained.

"Don't know why he came," Ginny muttered.

Harry and Hermione had nothing to say to that.

Eventually, Madam Pomfrey shooed out Hermione and Ginny since visiting hours were over and encouraged Harry to get some rest. Leaving the exciting conversations of his friends, Harry didn't feel overly tired, but found that with the lights being put out and finding himself alone in the infirmary, he was a lot more tired than he originally thought. He shifted around in bed to find a comfortable position and pulled his blankets all around him, closing his eyes.

He was on the verge of sleep when the door creaked open and he grunted and squinted his eyes open. Almost as soon as he did, he shut them again. Was that…Severus? It was hard to tell, but even in the darkness, Harry was convinced he knew the man. His heart skipped a beat in his chest and he licked his lips before trying to lay as still as possible, trying to pretend to be asleep. He wasn't sure Severus would stay if he knew Harry was awake. He felt so anxious, his needs strong. The need to move around, to speak, to look at the man he loved…Harry wasn't sure what to make of their relationship at this point in time, but that didn't mean he stopped loving him.

He swallowed when he felt Severus near him, hearing the rustling of his robes. Could Severus hear his heart beating? It was so loud and hard in Harry's mind that he'd be surprised if the whole school couldn't hear it. Severus made no acknowledgement that Harry was awake and he hoped it stayed that way, waiting eagerly for whatever it was Severus would do. He was wide awake now, determined to enjoy what time he could from Severus. It wasn't ideal, but Harry figured this was the best he was going to get until he could figure everything out.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The boy was not cut out to be an actor. Severus smiled softly to himself, reaching out to brush his fingers gently through Harry's dark hair. He caught the movement of Harry's Adam's apple as he swallowed and the twitch in his cheek. He wasn't snoring or moving around wildly every few minutes to find a new position. His breathing was a bit too forcibly calm…And Severus could feel the racing of his pulse as he trailed his fingers down Harry's neck and over his pulse point.

It was a ridiculous game, but Severus would play along. If Harry was awake…If Severus acknowledged that Harry was awake, they would have to face this. They would have to deal with the problem that had come between them. Severus at least took some comfort, some hope with him, that Harry wasn't wide awake and screaming at him some more. He didn't have to see those green eyes he adored narrowed and ablaze with such anger and hatred.

He swallowed as he reached out to trace his fingers across his young lover's face. Tracing gently over his full lips. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed beside him and hold him in his arms. But that would be too much…Neither of them could really go along pretending if he did that much. Instead he quietly pulled a chair to Harry's bedside and watched him for a few minutes.

What was he even doing here? This was pure torture. He wanted nothing more than he wanted Harry Potter and the chance was great the he would never have him again. Severus had really messed it up, hadn't he? Maybe it was for a crime he had committed almost twenty years ago, but the damage was done. How could he ever expect Harry to look at him the same way knowing what he had done? Changed or not, Severus understood what it meant. He had yet to forgive himself for Lily's death, still hated himself more than anything for what he had done to her…How could he expect anyone else to get over it so easily?

The pain tore at him, an awful throbbing deep within his soul. He needed to leave. He needed to hold Harry close and kiss him until they both forgot the world. He needed to do something other than sitting there, basking in his own agony and tormenting himself by staring at the young man he knew he loved more than he had ever loved anyone or anything else.

Just being near Harry was enough. It was so much more than he deserved. He didn't belong here. What was he thinking? What must Harry be thinking of all of this?

Despite his many thoughts on the matter, of how he didn't need to be here, he stayed right where he was and reached out, tracing his fingers over Harry's hand…He didn't allow himself to do much more than that.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
- 51
- 52
- 53
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lost and Damned