You Will Not Kiss Me | By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
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Chapter 52: The End of Summer
"Little Peter gave me up? Just like that? No hesitation at all?" Lupin shook his head, too sad to be outraged.
"Offered the information willingly," Snape nodded. "He is a desperate man, Remus. He is tolerated on the periphery of the inner circle because he brought the Dark Lord back. It wouldn't take much for him to fall out of favour and he knows it."
"Poor Peter," said Lupin quietly.
"How can you pity him? Gutless ... spineless ... treacherous ..." Snape spat.
"All those things, yes." Lupin nodded sadly. "He betrayed James and Lily. I should hate him. But some people aren't brave like you, Severus. I will always wonder how it was that little Peter sold his friends to Voldemort ... how that happened between four friends such as we were. What did we do to him to drive him away ... to Voldemort?"
Snape wondered that the man before him could even think that Pettigrew deserved one iota of pity or understanding. Snape cupped Lupin's hand in his own and squeezed as Tippy, green satin bow in place, marched into the sitting room with an overloaded tray of full English breakfast.
"This does not look like a light breakfast, Tippy," Snape chided the house-elf.
"Master Lupin needs a proper breakfast, Professor Snape, sir. Professor Snape's food rules don't apply when Master Lupin is home," Tippy said confidently and left.
"Do I detect an element of favouritism by our house-elf, Remus, or has she been got at?" Snape smirked meaningfully at Lupin.
"I don't know what you could possibly mean," Remus said, a small smile playing on his lips.
"I suspect ribbons may have changed hands," Snape drawled, watching Lupin pile enormous amounts of sausage, egg, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms and toast onto his plate and then reach for the condiments.
"Your arteries must be as furry as your coat on a full moon, Remus," Snape snorted.
"Ha!" Lupin almost barked a laugh. "All energy used in my transformations, Severus!" Lupin announced, as if exonerated. Snape shook his head and helped himself to lesser amounts of food. Lupin dragged Snape's chair, with him on it, so it was next to him and gave him a small smile. Closeness, Snape thought and smiled back.
"You don't forgive Pettigrew, do you?" Snape asked, watching Lupin's expression carefully.
"No ... no," Lupin stopped eating. He put down his knife and fork, and sat back in his chair, thinking. "I would still want to kill him if I could. That wouldn't help Sirius though, so I wouldn't do it. That doesn't stop me from wanting to know why though." Snape nodded and they carried on eating.
Snape told Lupin all about Greyback's efforts with the werewolf packs and how Snape thought he had been successful in engineering an information link he could tap into to keep Lupin advised on Greyback's movements with the packs.
"Although I'd rather you stopped all together," Snape said, he knew pointlessly. "Stayed safe," he added quietly.
"I'll stop if you do," Lupin said, still smiling.
"Look what happened to you!" Snape exploded, his fear suddenly breaking the surface of his calm exterior. "They trod on your wand hand! They beat you senseless! What if Tippy hadn't been able to find you ...?"
Lupin instantly grabbed Snape's wrist and held up his burnt hand. "And what's this?" Lupin hissed, eyebrows raised "A tender kiss from Voldemort? Did he do this before or after he put you under the Cruciatus?" The men seemed to stare at each other for an age.
"After ..." Snape whispered, searching the blue eyes that held his.
"Tell me why he did that," Lupin said insistently.
"He was going to cast it again. I told him of the Fidelius Charm and begged for mercy."
"So he burnt your hand instead?" Lupin's jaw worked as his voice rose. "Was this hand held out for mercy?" How could Remus be so perceptive? Does he see into my soul? Snape thought sometimes he could.
Snape didn't think he could look in Lupin's eyes any more. So blue, so deep, so hurt ... so afraid. Snape looked to his food. Lupin gently let go of his wrist and let his own hand squeeze Snape's thigh.
"What we do is dangerous, Severus. Both of us. We do it because we hope we can be useful. Like the news you gave Albus last night that saved those children – that makes what we do worthwhile. But more than that: because we have a goal." He hooked his index finger under Snape's chin to turn his head to look at him once more. "Not just the defeat of Voldemort, Severus, but freedom for us – for you and me – to be together." He kissed the tip of Snape's nose. "I'd risk everything for that."
oooOOOooo
The job of collating the contacts had been fallen to Wilkes. It couldn't be easier: the man's Occlumency was atrocious. Snape made a point of visiting Wilkes with news, real or fake, agreed by Dumbledore, every other day, ostensibly to report, but in reality to pick, rather literally, his brains. It was perfect. He obtained details for Dumbledore which he could not be accused of knowing as the repository for all detail was Wilkes. He passed on all he learnt about wizarding targets to Dumbledore, and all he learnt about werewolf packs to Lupin as soon as he could reach him through the mirror. It helped to know he was forewarning him, where possible, but he still wished the duty of trying to convince the feral werewolves had fallen to another - any other who wasn't so dear to him.
oooOOOooo
With Potter, the Weasley children and the Granger girl now all resident at Grimmauld Place following Potter's successful acquittal of the trumped up charges, Snape ensured he kept his time there to an absolute minimum, his intention was to avoid the children all summer, if possible, merely reporting to Order meetings. Dumbledore would arrange to meet him beforehand to tell him the news he wanted imparted to the Dark Lord and arrange what, of the news Snape in turn had heard from the Dark Lord and Death Eaters, was to be imparted to the Order. Dumbledore was intent on managing all the information himself.
However, as far as Snape was concerned, the information on werewolves was for Lupin only and Snape decided what else he would share with Lupin – they spoke every day through the mirror and Snape would direct Lupin to whichever werewolf pack was safest. They met at the flat as often as they could, not drawing attention as no-one in the Order knew when or to where Lupin would go when he went on his missions – no-one, except Snape.
The month of August seemed to fly past. Snape was summoned to Death Eater meetings every three days or so. He seemed to escape torture since his unmasked walk with the Dark Lord and his position in the circle had changed. He now knelt at the Dark Lord's right hand side. Malfoy was every bit as furious as Snape had thought he would be. Snape did not take it for granted, and Dumbledore made sure he gave the Dark Lord information that helped to consolidate his position. He had even managed to discuss with the Dark Lord (without even so much as a short burst of the Cruciatus) that, once school started again, if Snape was to keep the cover the Dark Lord desired, he should not be summoned during the school day.
oooOOOooo
It was the end of August. The days were hot and the evenings balmy. There was no way of knowing it was summer in Grimmauld Place, it was so dark and dank. The Order meeting had been lively and, at times, fraught.
Arthur Weasley reported that the Baxter children had been relocated under the Order's new Muggle-born relocation programme to the New World, a world away from the Dark Lord's retribution and Lucius Malfoy's nefarious intentions. A half-blood wizarding family had been found to adopt them, and the children would attend the Salem School of Sorcery in New England. The members of the Order gave Arthur, Tonks, Shacklebolt and Moody congratulations of clapped backs and raised mugs.
Lupin caught Snape's eyes and smiled briefly whilst the others were distracted. At least, Lupin knew who'd passed on the information, and who had used his various contacts through the Worshipful Company of Master Potioneers and Apothecaries to find the half-blood family in New England. As much as Snape would love to shove his active role in the children's rescue down Black's throat, no-one else in the Order could know the children were intended as either Malfoy's bounty or Greyback's new initiates. If that were ever known, and the Dark Lord found out, he would know there was a traitor in his midst and Snape would be the prime suspect. As usual, Snape's efforts would remain unsung.
"You see, Snivelly," Black hissed. "That's real heroic work, not just skulking round corners and listening at keyholes."
"I suppose I could be polishing the keyholes instead – or perhaps dusting those pesky corners – just like the scion of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black," Snape sneered.
"Why you …" Black leapt to his feet, his chair scraping the flag stone floor, and drew his wand, and Snape snarled as he did the same.
"CAN YOU TWO NOT EVEN BEHAVE YOURSELVES FOR FIVE MINUTES IN THE SAME ROOM?" Molly shouted, no different than she would to her twins. The two grown men were both so startled that they backed down immediately and sat down, Black mumbling all the while, Snape silent, in front of the red haired woman, with her hands firmly on her hips, brandishing a ladle and looking for all the world as if she had every intention of using it – on them.
"The redoubtable Molly Weasley," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling merrily. "My secret weapon."
"Sorry, Headmaster, but I just don't understand why men always have to whip their wands out for everything ..."
The onlookers erupted into laughter, which possibly discomfited the two men more than anything, and for which they could only blame each other still. Snape snatched a look at Lupin, who was laughing softly too.
You both deserve it.
Towards the end of the meeting, Snape gave his report: Yaxley had been divested of responsibility of using his French contact to parlay with the Giants as progress appeared non-existent, and Macnair had been sent personally instead. He advised the current prime targets of the Dark Lord that he wished to recruit so Dumbledore could make overtures and supplied the list of the latest targets of the Dark Lord's opprobrium and Kingsley was assigned to try to seek them out and organise protection. Snape was due to leave, having finished his report, and caught Lupin's eyes to say goodbye.
Meet me in the library, Severus.
It was unusual in itself. He didn't usually stay. He didn't want to socialise. He didn't want see Lupin socialising with others, especially with Black. But now Lupin had told him to wait for him in the library, he did not want to say no. He advised Dumbledore he had private research to do in the library. Black snorted and made to comment but, for once, Dumbledore silenced Black with a sharp motion of his hand.
"I shall see you are undisturbed, Severus," he said mildly.
He looked around the heavy oak door: the library was large and covered with ornate bookcases filled floor to ceiling with books and musty smelling. He took out his wand. Lupin told him that many of the books held curses for the unwary. He chanted an incantation and, as his eyes scanned the titles on the spines, his wand scanned for curses. Some books glowed blood red as the wand wafted over them, revealing the curse that bound the book. Just the exercise itself fascinated Snape, just how much of their own library the Black family had cursed: some curses so only a family member could read them, some to alert the master of the house when a book had been read and by whom, some so that no-one could read without the counter-curse. Some rendered the books merely unreadable, but some would maim or poison the would-be reader.
Suddenly, a large hand grabbed him and pulled him to the side of one of the bookcases and pressed him hard against it. Lupin kissed him hungrily.
"What do you think you're doing?" Snape hissed as he broke for breath. "This is a bit public isn't it?"
"Hummm. Rewarding the hero of the hour. And you know how I can get, Severus, but if it pleases you ..."
Lupin cast a privacy charm around them for sound and then Snape felt the cold sensation of a Disillusionment Charm trickling down his body and found himself in the curious position of being unseen whilst being kissed and touched by an invisible Lupin.
"Now we're not public," said Lupin huskily, kissing Snape's face as his hands roved freely. As short of breath as Snape was becoming, as delicious as Lupin's hands and mouth were making him feel, and as much as the idea of shagging in Black's library under the mutt's nose appealed to him, Snape still retained just enough sense to see the flaw in Lupin's plan.
"I hate to spoil your plans to debauch me publically, but Albus can see through Disillusionment Charms, you know. So can Moody," he said with a smirk, although he had to admit, it did add piquancy to the encounter which he was surprised to find rather thrilled him. Lupin was really disinhibiting him too much.
"I suppose we're not hiding our relationship from Albus or Alastor," Lupin said as he unbuttoned Snape's collar buttons to kiss his throat.
"I rather think we should hide this particular act from Albus and Moody," Snape chided almost breathlessly, but resigned himself as he found Lupin's hair and ran his fingers through it as Lupin kissed him whilst Snape's other hand stroked down Lupin's spine, provoking a small growl at back of Lupin's throat. Like it or not, Snape was really now very turned on.
"How am I supposed to resist you knowing you're wizard style under that robe, Severus? Once you go back to school next week, you'll be buttoned up and decently clothed again," Lupin said in a tone of mock complaint and Snape felt Lupin undo all the buttons in one hand movement and then trace his fingers on his stomach lightly, taking Snape's breath away.
Then he felt Lupin lowering himself onto his knees and Snape found himself holding his breath. He hitched his breath as he felt Lupin's hot breath ghost across his cock, and his hands found Lupin's hair again, tightening through it as Lupin began to flick his tongue at the tip.
"... and if Moody or Dumbledore come in now... ?" he gasped, thinking he would be quickly be past caring shortly as his groin flared brighter and hotter. Lupin stopped his ministrations and held onto Snape's cock in his hand as he answered, amusement evident in his tone.
"You can cover me with your open robe."
"I don't think that makes it look any better." He heard Lupin's soft laughter.
"I'd very much like to take you in this library, Severus. I spend quite a lot of time in here reading. It would be nice to have a memory of you here too."
"It's too public," Snape sighed. He heard another lewd, throaty chuckle.
"That's a rather handsome Chesterfield settee, don't you think? I can guarantee it's curse-free now," Lupin murmured, his fingers of one hand stroking Snape's cock lightly whilst the other hand held Snape's thigh firmly as he spoke. Each time he finished a sentence, he would languidly kiss or lick Snape's shaft making him gasp, although his lightly stroking fingers never stopped. "You could brace yourself quite comfortably there for me, but it's strong enough to take the pace, I think." Lick. "That large oak desk is a Chippendale, you know." Kiss. "I removed several curses from it myself." Kiss. "Perhaps we should seal its curse-free status with a conjugal rite of our own." Lick. "What do you think, Severus?" Lupin chuckled so deeply in his own throat that it made Snape's groin throb harder. "Aren't you at all excited?" Lupin murmured.
"Yes, yes I am," Snape whispered, his eyes closed, intensifying the feeling of Lupin's breath on his cock and the lightly stroking fingers and the whisper of cold air in the library against his exposed flesh.
"Do you want me to beg?" Lupin asked, his tone cheeky.
"Yes, yes I do," Snape said, his own tone deeper now.
"The more you make me beg, the harder I'll take you when you finally agree."
"All the more reason to hold out, Remus," Snape said, thinking he wouldn't last long at all if Lupin carried on this way.
He heard a very filthy chuckle that made him groan as he became harder still and then warm breath on his cock again as Lupin hummed and then murmured onto his shaft, "Please, Severus, please. I beg you ..."
Lupin had lifted the Disillusionment Charm and warded the door instead. He slouched in one corner of the Chesterfield settee, and Snape's head rested on his lap, his body draped the length of the settee, his robe still wide open although stuck to his damp body as Lupin played with Snape's hair in the afterglow of rather energetic sex over the settee.
"Why are you so obsessed with what I may or may not wear under my robe?" Snape asked.
"It's completely your fault, Severus."
"Naturally, but how so?"
"When I first came back to Hogwarts to teach, the first I saw of you after all those years was at the Welcoming Feast, do you recall?" Lupin said lightly.
"The memory is forever etched on my brain, Remus." Snape drawled. He had one hell of a row with Dumbledore, possibly one of their very worst.
"There you were – so different from when I last saw you at school. You were ... quite striking." Lupin was smiling at Snape at the recollection.
Striking? As his mother had been striking?
"Still clearly you, with your black hair and black eyes and pale skin, but a man now, not a youth. You stood tall and straight, but you didn't when you were young. You held yourself with confidence you didn't have at school. You were taller, broader shoulders, your features more manly, but something exotic about them. But you were all bundled up in black. But I could see those shoulders and beautifully narrow hips. I was entranced."
"You were looking at me like that at the Welcoming Feast?" Snape was stunned. He had had no idea.
"Oh yes. It was quite a disappointment to meet your gaze for the first time in all those years and realise you could have disembowelled me on the spot. Have I told you, you have amazing eyes when you're angry, Severus?"
"I believe you have." Snape smiled.
"Well, I realised by that look and the distinct aroma of loathing you emanated around me that we probably weren't going to be able to put aside our differences, so I didn't attempt to try to engage you as I would have done otherwise. I just watched you instead."
"There is an aroma of loathing?"
"Oh yes. Sometimes, a wolf's olfactory sense can be an advantage to those who would dissemble. But let's face facts, Severus, I didn't need a developed sense of smell to tell me that you hated me with a passion. I wondered whether you were passionate in different ways. I watched you anyway. You are an attractive man after all …"
"Hardly …." Snape scoffed.
"And yet Lucius Malfoy covets you still…" Lupin noted, still with some annoyance, but it passed and he smiled again. "Let's not discuss that. So … I watched you any way. So aloof and cold. I wanted to be the fire to melt your ice, Severus. I could imagine you ignite at my hands." Snape felt a thrill run through his gut. Isn't that what had happened? "I thought I'd see you in different robes, but it was always black, full robes, like you were hiding. You fascinated me but, given your depth of feeling against me, you had to remain just a rather tantalising visual."
"A visual? What do you mean?"
"Well – you know – oh … you probably don't. Hmm. This … oh." It wasn't often Snape saw Lupin flounder.
"I can't believe you're embarrassed, Remus." Snape was intrigued.
"Possibly – but I think, not for long." He ploughed ahead. "When men masturbate, Severus, we usually use a visual, don't we?"
"ME!" Snape sat up. "Before the Thrall? You thought about me when you …" Snape's eyes were wide. Lupin laughed deeply.
"Oh yes, Severus. And it was always unbuttoning that bloody black robe and imagining what was underneath it. I told you my fantasy long ago." Lupin pressed Snape to lie down again.
"I … well … I … had no idea you thought of me like that before the Thrall," Snape gasped.
"Of course, once I was hit with the Thrall, well ... I certainly knew what enthralled meant. Your scent changed. It drowned me in lust. You were on my mind all the time, trying to imagine what was under those damn robes, wishing I could find out for real."
"Merlin help me …" Snaped rasped. "Was it … when you saw …" Merlin, why do I stutter like a teenager – the man is my husband!
"Everything I hoped for, except the circumstances. When you stood naked before me, you looked just as I hoped. I was so frustrated you didn't want me to touch you the way I wanted to." Lupin traced his fingers along Snape's chest. "That lean body ... that white skin, like silk to the touch ... those narrow hips ... that long throat – oh, and those beautifully long legs." Lupin growled at the base of his throat. "And those mystery details finally revealed." He drew his fingers from Snape's navel, down to curl in his hair and along Snape's cock and around his balls to trace his opening. "But I wanted more than that. I wanted to know how you would react to my touch - how you liked to be touched – how you wanted to be kissed – all those things I said to you on that night. That is what I wanted." He leant down as Snape raised his head and they kissed softly. "And when I got those – you were a fantasy come true."
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