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Welkin in the Wizarding World (COMPLETED)	By : welkin_cooper Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 14600 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in it. I don't benefit financially from the production or display of this work of fanfiction in any way.

Chapter List
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The Flobberworm and I

Snape gives Welkin a failing grade and detention. Welkin asks for Hermione's help to impress Severus, and they discuss Julien. Ron frets about Welkin's bad influence on Hermione.

Welkin sat at her desk fidgeting as Snape read her essay with overzealous thoroughness. It was bad enough having to research the boring thing in the library, and then labor over writing it with an archaic quill pen on stiff parchment that kept rolling up on her while she was trying to write. Now she had to sit through the ordeal of him grading it as well.

She knew it wasn't that good of a paper, and she had tried to spice it up a little, but the subject just didn't excite her imagination, and that made it difficult for her to write about it. Why couldn’t Severus have given her something more interesting and maybe just a little bit sexy to write about, instead of saddling her with the dry topic of ‘Vital uses of Flobberworm mucus as a thickening agent in potions making’? Even Desiree Bitte, widely esteemed by the witchy crowd for her gifted writing of romanticized wizarding smut, couldn’t have managed to turn that subject into something interesting!

Welkin watched Severus grimace and slash at her writing again, with what seemed to her like an overabundance of cruel glee.

Snape read some more, arched a dark eyebrow, and slashed brutally at the parchment again, scribbling another precise notation in the margin to denote his deduction of additional points. If he didn't stop soon, there wouldn't be any points left to take away!

Welkin raised herself and leaned forward in her seat, craning her neck at him anxiously, trying to see what section of her paper that he was on now. Pretty soon he should be getting to the special part she’d written just for him, midway through the snore-inducing narrative she’d been forced to turn in to him because she ran out of time. That would put a smile back on his face, instead of that sour look he’d been wearing ever since he began reading. He would forget about the paper and focus on her instead, and maybe want to take a ‘break’ and evaluate other things for awhile.

Severus suddenly paused as he carefully reread the sentence she had inserted. He lifted his eyes to hers, and instead of smiling at her and asking her to join him at the desk, he rolled them at her in exasperation.

“Really, Welkin,” he chided, heartlessly marking through the passage she had been so sure would earn her extra credit with him, in one way or another. He scrawled something at the top of the parchment scroll and put down his quill. “I have no need to read further,” he announced abruptly.

“What do you mean?” Welkin asked, rising from her seat and walking over to his desk directly without bothering to ask his permission.

“This is what I mean,” he replied, tossing her essay onto the desk in front of her, where it lay looking as limp and defeated as Welkin suddenly felt. It was now branded with a final grade, as well as his merciless slash marks and notations.

“You failed me?!” Welkin exclaimed in shock, staring at the scarlet letter of shame on her paper. She didn’t always get perfect marks, but nobody had ever actually failed her before.

“How could you do that? You haven’t even read the whole thing yet?! That's not fair!” She continued to stare at him in disbelief. “Technically, you shouldn’t even be teaching me Potions anymore. You teach Defense Against the Dark Arts now,” she pointed out.

“I got as far as your special personal observation, and I decided I could not proceed any further. We both know there is no point in it, don't we? And you know very well that Albus agreed with me that it was best that you continue your lessons with me instead of Slughorn, as you appear to have some unexplained issues with him. Frankly, Welkin, I am exceedingly disappointed in both your performance and your attitude about this assignment. You are capable of excellent work when you apply yourself. This essay is not up to either my high standards or your own, and it is not even half the length that I requested,” Snape scolded her.

“You know I don’t do my best work when you give me something like this to work with. It was too boring, and that’s as long as it needed to be. I like to cut to the chase, not crap on and on about things that don’t matter. I think it’s concise and to the point. It’s like the CliffsNotes of Flobberworm mucus,” she told him argumentatively.

“Be it cliffs, caves, or the Forbidden Forest, the location where you took your notes for this abysmal report is of no interest to me,” Snape informed her.

He obviously wasn’t familiar with the Muggle concept of CliffsNotes, Welkin thought, briefly amused at him before he brought her back to reality with his next statement.

“It is completely unacceptable work, and you will redo it properly. It should be of the proper length, you should completely document your somewhat fanciful and extravagant claims concerning the substance in question, and you should refrain from inserting sexually incendiary personal notes to me,” he instructed primly.

“For your further edification, Welkin, I might also note that Flobberworms do not intentionally ‘lovingly stroke their chosen partner's anterior segments in excited anticipation of coitus during mating season to elicit the flow of mucus from each others' pores’. That was a complete fabrication on your part. This is meant to be an informative essay, not an exercise in creative writing.”

Snape stood and rounded his desk as he informed her of her shortcomings. Coming to a halt in front of her, he clasped his hands behind his back as he peered down his large, hooked, and insufferably superior nose at her.

“You didn’t like my personal note I wrote to you?” Welkin asked, frowning. She already knew the answer, based on his histrionic eye-rolling performance earlier. What a fucking ham! It really bothered her that he hadn't liked at least that part of it. It had been the only part that she had looked forward to him reading and responding to. That and the Flobberworm sex part, which she thought was funny, but he also hadn’t fully appreciated.

“It is not that I did not appreciate the sentiment involved, Welkin, but I hardly think it was appropriate to insert ‘my teacher is a hot piece of wizard arse’ into the middle of a serious academic discussion of the effect of varying levels of viscosity of Flobberworm mucus on thickening times of potions,” Snape advised her pompously.

“I thought it was funny and sexy. It’s not like anybody else was going to see it,” Welkin complained. “Sometimes you just have no sense of humor. It was a compliment, Severus. You know… a compliment…one of those things you hardly ever get from anybody else around here, except from me?”

“I am well aware of my lack of popularity, thank you. You do not need to keep reminding me,” Snape countered, his annoyance with her argumentative attitude starting to show a little more.

“Your attempt to sidetrack me from my analysis of your paper with your self-serving, albeit flattering appraisal of my posterior has also been duly noted. There is a time and a place for your sexual flirtations, Welkin, and your homework is not the proper venue. If you need inspiration to rewrite your essay, perhaps you should read Miss Granger’s excellent paper on exactly the same subject, which she wrote several years ago. It was a bit verbose, but quite well-done for a first year student. I shall look up a copy of it for you to reference if you like.”

That was the last straw. “Don’t you… fucking… dare,” Welkin warned slowly and deliberately, narrowing her eyes at him.

“What are you trying to prove, Severus? That you’re not playing favorites with me because I’m your wife? Everybody knows that you do that all the time with the other Slytherins. Or do you just think I can’t write a proper paper without help from somebody? How dare you lecture me about there being a time and a place for sex!” she added. “That’s a fucking laugh riot, coming from you, when you’re always the one pulling me into some alcove or behind a bush and whipping your wand out! About the only place left we haven’t done it is Albus Dumbledore’s office!”

Actually, they had done it there after their big fight on their first Valentine’s Day evening together, but Welkin didn’t really count that time. Albus sort of sanctioned it by discreetly leaving to go to bed, and telling Severus to lock up when they were finished reconciling. They had 'reconciled' all over his desk that night.

Snape belatedly realized he probably shouldn’t have touted Hermione Granger as a shining academic example to Welkin, considering that the silly girl had flung herself at him so enthusiastically last year, and Welkin had thought he was the instigator of the episode. She had separated from him and it had been the worst three days of his married life.

Welkin was now glaring at him with a truly frightening intensity.

“If you like Hermione Granger’s work so much better, get her to write the damn boring thing for you! I’m sure she’d just cream her eager little Gryffindor panties if you asked her to write about Flobberworm mucus! It’s probably one of her favorite subjects… along with about seven million others she’s read all about!”

For dramatic emphasis, Welkin tore her maligned essay into several large, ragged pieces and flung them into the air. They fluttered down like confetti, to land on the floor at his feet.

“No sense in keeping that, since it’s so damn pathetic. Besides, where would you find the room to keep it, since your files are obviously just bulging with extra copies of the intellectually brilliant Hermione Granger’s treatises on Flobberworms, and Hinkypunks, and everything else in the fucking Wizarding World that bores the shit out of me!”

“Welkin, that is not what I meant to imply, and you are well aware of that. You are quite intellectually capable, unlike many of the dunderheads I am forced to attempt to teach. Do not try my patience by your willful misunderstanding of my meaning,” Snape warned. “You will cease this acrimony at once, and pick that mess up immediately.”

“Like hell I will! Get Hermione to pick it up! She’s probably better at that too!”

Why, oh why, hadn't she just shut up and done as Severus told her to do and rewrote the damn thing without complaint? Just this once would it have killed her? She hated it when he got so upset with her, but she couldn't seem to keep herself from goading him when he hurt her feelings, sometimes even if she knew it wasn't intentional. She was wrong, and he was right in this case, and she knew it. But he had hurt her feelings when he didn't respond properly to the compliment she'd written for him, and the fact that he was right didn't matter.

“Silence! No more of this! You will obey my authority as your teacher! I will have no more of your insolence to me!” Severus shouted at her. He was finally at the end of his patience with her childish temper tantrum over her grade, so he promptly began to throw one of his own as a counterbalance.

“Fuck you, and the Flobberworm you rode in on!” Welkin shouted back, poking him in the chest with her index finger several times for emphasis.

“Detention! Eight o’clock! Here in my office! This class is at an end, and I shall not discuss it further!” Snape roared at her.

He stalked out without a backward glance, and slammed the door on her, heading for what he hoped would be the comparative calm of the teachers' staffroom.

Welkin stood staring at the door, torn between the twin urges of running after him to beg his forgiveness for being so fresh with him, and running after him to kick his infuriating wizard 'arse' for being so mean to her. Why did he have to be so damn stubborn all the time?!

"Why does she have to be so damnably stubborn about everything?!" Severus blurted out to Albus. “She expects me to be able to read her every mood, just because she is my wife!”

Snape had no sooner seated himself by the fireplace in the staffroom, quietly fuming to himself about Welkin's unreasonable expectations of him, then Albus had arrived, intent on his afternoon tea and biscuits. Inviting Severus to join him in the refreshments that had been laid out by the Hogwarts house-elves, Dumbledore had soon convinced him to reveal what was causing his foul mood.

"That is part of her charm, my boy, is it not?" Albus asked, taking a sip from his teacup. "If she were more manageable, she would not be Welkin, and she would not be the woman you love."

Albus had seen this pattern quite often where Welkin and Severus were involved, and he couldn't bring himself to be too concerned about it now that the issue of the Patronus had been resolved to his satisfaction. The outcome of their tiffs was always the same, after all. As long as they were discreet about it, they could stage their inevitable reconciliation wherever they pleased. More than likely it would be in Snape's office during Welkin's scheduled detention tonight, he assumed.

"Yeeeesss... that is true," Snape admitted with a nasally drawl. His Welkin's stubborn nature and their many contentious debates and arguments were a part of what he loved about her, even if it was annoying at times. It was annoying, but it was also quite invigorating, and usually led to an intense sexual interlude when they resolved their disagreement. Sometimes he relented. Sometimes she did. More often, they both did.

"You should never have compared her to another witch, Severus. That was a mistake. Feminine sensibilities are quite delicate in that respect, regardless of how innocent the comparison," Albus advised. "And I daresay that she was expecting quite a different response to whatever personal message you say she interjected into her essay. That was also a misstep on your part."

"It appears I am always making missteps where she is concerned," Snape said glumly.

At that moment, with his head down, he closely resembled the somewhat awkward boy that Dumbledore had known more than a decade ago. How well he had turned out after all, Albus thought proudly.

"Cheer up, my boy! You must be doing something right, judging by the number of times I happened upon you two last month in some secluded alcove here at Hogwarts. There was scarcely room for a sunbeam to pass between you two, from what I observed," Albus chuckled.

Snape looked up at Albus, and for a second, the elderly wizard thought he might have seen the shadow of a blush pass over the younger man's sallow face. How delightful, he thought. Severus seemed to be aging backwards in these past two years, which was as it should be, since he had missed out on so much that should have been his when he was younger.

"Another biscuit?" he asked Severus brightly, with a twinkle in his eye, offering him the plate again.

This wasn't going to be easy to do, not by a long shot.

Welkin swallowed her pride, and forced herself to walk up to the table where Hermione Granger sat, surrounded by musty-smelling library books and parchment, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"Hermione?" Welkin said quietly, announcing her presence to the girl, who looked up and then looked even more startled when she saw who it was.

"Yes?" Hermione said hesitantly, with a sense of deja vu. Hadn't she been approached like this before? By a different Snape? With disastrous results?

"I was wondering if you could help me with an essay I need to write on Flobberworms?" Welkin asked. "I really screwed mine up, and Severus says I have to do it again. I thought you might be able to give me some pointers, because he speaks really highly of your work," Welkin admitted truthfully. To Welkin's surprise, her pride went down a lot easier with the second swallow.

"Help? You want my help?" Hermione asked, uncertain she’d heard correctly. Nobody ever asked her for help with their homework. She always tried to volunteer it, but nobody ever took her up on the offer. Sometimes they even seemed insulted. That it should be Professor Snape's wife who was asking her now was almost surreal. Professor Snape spoke highly of her work? Could that be true? Hermione felt a little thrill of accomplishment that Snape had noticed her dedication to her magical studies, and actually remarked on it to someone.

"If you're too busy, that's okay. I understand. I'll muddle through it somehow on my own," Welkin said. "It's just that you could probably cut down on my research time if you already knew some interesting things about Flobberworms that you could pass along to me."

"Oh, no! I have lots of time. Sit down. I know quite a bit about Flobberworms, actually. They’re really fascinating creatures!"

Hermione excitedly cleared the overflow of books from the seat next to her.

"Uh, yes," Welkin agreed, sinking weakly into the seat next to Hermione. "Absolutely fascinating," she repeated in a monotone. What kind of a girl thought Flobberworms were fascinating? Welkin wondered with a bit of alarm. Hermione was definitely in need of some serious talking to about what life was really all about.

"It's a common misconception that the Flobberworm, or Annelida Desidiosus, is completely vegetarian, and rather lazy, but I've read in Chaveroble's Compendium of Segmented..." Hermione began enthusiastically.

Nearly an hour later, Welkin's eyes unglazed, and she had a copious number of very helpful notes, taken during Hermione's impromptu lecture, that would certainly be helpful in writing her new essay to impress Severus with.

"Thanks, Hermione," Welkin said. "You really know your Flobberworms, girlfriend!" she enthused. "I'm going to knock Severus's socks off with my new paper!"

"You're welcome, Mrs. Snape," Hermione replied, blushing slightly.

"Welkin... it's just Welkin," Welkin urged her yet again.

"Welkin," Hermione repeated politely.

"Hey... how would you like to take a break from studying and go have some of that disgusting pumpkin juice with me, if we can’t find something better," Welkin offered. "I'll help you put up your books."

Hermione looked like she might be tempted, but she hesitated, reluctant to abandon her studies.

"We could talk about Jul-i-en," Welkin coaxed.

"You... you... know about me and Julien?" Hermione asked, lowering her voice to whisper his name.

"Not for certain, I didn't... not until just now," Welkin grinned. "But I suspected it. That Owl that kept swooping over to your table at mealtime looked awfully familiar, and Julien's been terribly distracted at work lately... in a happy sort of way, I mean."

"You won't tell anybody, will you?" Hermione pleaded anxiously. "I don't want anybody else to know!"

"Of course not. It's your business and nobody else's. It's your life. Just be careful. With your body, and with your heart," Welkin warned, regarding her intently. To her surprise, she was feeling a little protective of the girl, who seemed a bit on the naïve side where sex and romance was concerned. "Do you mind my asking just how serious this is between you?"

"I think I might be… in love with him," Hermione said. "Shouldn't I be sure of that though, without needing to think about it so much?"

It would be nice to have somebody at Hogwarts that she could finally confide in about Julien, and ask about things like that, Hermione thought. Especially someone like Welkin, who was so much in love herself, and was older and seemed to have had more than her share of experience in such matters. She didn’t seem like the type who would judge her about it. Hermione just didn't want other people to find out. She particularly didn’t want Ron to find out. She hadn't been able to confide in Ginny for that reason. Ginny wouldn't understand if it affected her brother in any way. Hermione still loved Ron as a friend, and she didn't want to hurt him if she could help it, or lose his friendship, but she didn't want to give up Julien either. Julien treated her like a woman, not a little girl. He paid attention to her feelings, and made her feel special.

"Promise me that you won't tell anybody... not even Professor Snape!" Hermione pressed.

"I can't promise you that, Hermione. I don't keep things from Severus. But I promise I won't mention it unless he asks me about it," Welkin vowed. She stood up and started helping the worried girl put away her books. "Anyway, don't you think it'll be a lot more fun talking to me about Julien than about Flobberworms? He's a lot sexier. Unless you're another Flobberworm, I suppose."

Welkin Snape had a very odd way of looking at things sometimes. But she always seemed self-confident and very content with herself and the way she was, no matter what anybody else thought about it. She reminded Hermione a little bit of Luna Lovegood in that way.

“I did not know if I would see you here tonight,” Snape said with a hint of relief in his voice, as Welkin took her seat next to him for supper, depositing Sully in her lap.

“Why wouldn’t you?” Welkin said nonchalantly. “Just because we’re fighting, it doesn’t mean I’m going to avoid you, or stop talking to you. I happen to love you, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“I had noticed,” he replied, sounding a little humbled.

Snape slid something across the tablecloth towards her. She glanced down at her essay, which he had magically restored from the pieces she had torn it into. Not only was it whole again, but his markings on it were gone, and her grade had been changed to something much better.

“I do not wish to fight with you. There will be no detention,” he informed her without further explanation. Sully spied the paper and immediately tried to reach across the table to grasp it.

“I’m not mad anymore, and I don’t want to fight either. But my paper really wasn’t very good, and I’m writing another. It’ll be ready by the time I serve my detention tonight, as scheduled. I deserve detention for being a butthead and giving you a hard time about my grade, and I don’t want to be treated any differently than your other students,” Welkin insisted. She handed Sully a juicy strip of the chicken from her plate to distract him. He sat still again, with the chicken tightly clasped in his fist, chewing on it happily with his new baby teeth.

Snape started to protest, but thought better of it. If she insisted on serving detention, perhaps he could at least make it an interesting one for her, as well as himself.

“As you wish,” Snape said, withdrawing her parchment from the table and returning it to his pocket. “How did you manage to write a new essay so quickly, might I ask?”

“Hermione gave me help with some of the details about that incredibly fascinating subject you assigned me. I’ve never seen anybody quite so happy to discuss mucus,” Welkin said with a giggle.

“You consulted… Miss Granger?” Snape repeated hesitantly, Albus’s warning about feminine sensitivities still fresh in his mind.

“Don’t sound so surprised. You’re the one who recommended her,” Welkin shrugged, passing their son to him, since Sully was now finished with his chicken, and struggling to reach Severus’s tempting bowl of soup.

“This child does nothing but eat,” Snape observed somewhat disapprovingly. The disquieting image of Ronald Weasley shoveling massive amounts of food into his mouth at every meal flashed through Snape’s mind. He nevertheless produced another spoon, and ladled a bit of his green lentil soup into Sully’s open mouth. Sully swallowed, smacked his lips approvingly, and gave a little burp, before opening his mouth wide again like a baby bird waiting for more.

Since his soup had been commandeered by Sully, Welkin solicitously offered Severus a piece of her chicken with her fingers. He glanced around the Great Hall hesitantly, reluctant to be seen being catered to by her in this way.

“Don’t worry. Nobody’s watching us. They’re all too busy talking,” Welkin encouraged him.

Severus hungrily devoured the succulent morsel Welkin offered him, while giving her a look that spoke to her plainly of another type of appetite which needed filling.

“Disgusting, is what it is,” Ron huffed. “Her fussing over that greasy old git at the head table like he’s so special, and him looking at her like a lovesick…”

“Oh, shut up, Ron! Don’t be such a prat. I think it’s romantic,” Hermione told him. “Professor Snape’s hair hasn’t been greasy for the past two years, not that you would ever notice. You never notice anything… even if it’s right in front of you. What if she does think he’s special, and fusses over him a little? What’s it to you? They’re married, and it’s none of your… none of your… bleeding business!”

“Hermione!” Ron squeaked at her in surprise at her unexpected use of profanity.

Hermione looked absolutely pleased with herself at having shocked him with her unladylike expletive. Ron had seen her come flouncing into the Great Hall earlier this afternoon with Welkin Snape, whispering together, thick as thieves. He knew exactly who was responsible for this change in Hermione. Everybody knew that Snape's wife cursed worse than Argus Filch and Peeves combined. Maybe Welkin’s influence was even responsible for those bloody Owls that Hermione kept getting from some mysterious bloke who probably just wanted to get into her knickers!

Welkin Snape was a bad influence on Hermione, that’s what she was! He had half a mind to talk to Dumbledore about it!

Ron sat silently fuming at Snape and Welkin as he continued to monitor their disgraceful public display.
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Welkin in the Wizarding World (COMPLETED)

The Flobberworm and I