All That You Leave Behind

Thanks to all who reviewed. This was another bastard of a chapter to write. We suffered almost as much as Harry and Severus! Of course, the sex was some consolation. (them, not us!) Special thanks to SnapesCello for her lovely and very flattering review, and to FaeryQueen, it's good to see you back! Leentje, we're sorry, but we can assure you, and everyone else, this will definitely not be a threesome. This chapter is dedicated to SnapesCello; we hope we will continue to spark your interest. Thanks again for the awesome compliment!


We hope you'll all enjoy this next chapter, and please, remember to review!


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"Harry?"




"Harry."







Hands were carding through his hair...it felt so good. He was lying against something warm and firm-soft and......moving?







Harry blearily opened his eyes and found himself staring directly at the wet and leaking tip of Severus' rapidly filling cock. He remembered falling asleep, sated and happy, snuggled alongside the man, but now found his head pillowed on Severus' warm and gently undulating stomach as the man breathed in and out. Not wanting to have his eye put out by hard cock, he shifted his head and enclosed the dangerous length securely in his mouth.







"Harry!" Severus throatily groaned his name again.







Harry shifted again, insinuating his body between Severus' legs, forcing them wider apart, bringing one hand up to squeeze the hard shaft, stroking up until his fingers met his lips, then back down again, causing more of those throaty groans to escape the man. With the other hand, he gently kneaded the heavy balls beneath, enjoying the weight and feel of them in his hand. He felt his own cock ballooning between his body and the sheets under him.





Severus drew his knees up on either side of Harry and dug his heels into the mattress, carefully thrusting his hips a little to nudge his cock just a tiny bit deeper into the heat and wetnesss of Harry's mouth. Harry sped up his motions a bit faster, sucked a bit harder, and Severus moaned long and low, his fingers crunching up fistfuls of messy hair, tugging gently. He wouldn't be able to take much more of this.







Inexperienced as he was at sucking cock, there was an artless sort of finesse to the way Harry did it, and it brought Severus to excruciating heights of arousal. The pink mouth stretched around his thickness, the luminous green eyes gauging Severus' enjoyment, the tongue firm against the underside of his cockhead. That Harry obviously enjoyed what he was doing made it all the more arousing in Severus' estimation.







He glanced at the bedside clock and nearly swore at the time. I was mid afternoon already on Sunday, which meant......his heart gave a painful lurch, and he quickly brushed that thought from his mind. He refused to think about this glorious weekend coming to an end, when his Harry would no longer be only his.







"Sev?" Harry murmured, his voice soft and somewhat worried as he let go of Severus' now deflating cock. "Am I.....not good at this?"







Severus' heart surged with a deep affection for this beautiful young man. How lucky he was to have him at all. Wasting their remaining time mourning the fact that he wasn't his exclusively would only hurt them both, and he never wanted to hurt Harry.







"Of course you're good at it," Severus said, leaning forward and gathering him into his arms, pulling him forward so Harry straddled him. "I would much rather come while fucking you until you scream is all," he growled. He wrapped his arms around Harry and captured his mouth in a kiss, drowning any further doubts the boy may have about his ability to arouse.







When they broke the kiss, Severus saw Harry's eyes cut to the clock on the bedside table and silently cursed himself for not thinking to vanish it. Harry said nothing, but the rudely surprised, stricken look was plain there in his wide green eyes.







"No..no..." Severus began, but his own throat betrayed him, threatening to close up, choking off his words. He couldn't speak, the tears that stood in Harry's eyes stabbing him, robbing him of comforting words.







It's not fair! I love him! I want him! He should be mine! Severus' heart protested.





He reached out, his hands sliding over Harry's smooth skin, trying to soothe where his voice and words failed, pulling Harry as close as possible, claiming his mouth again, putting all his passion and love into the kiss in a deperate attempt to stave off the inevitable.





Harry relaxed against him and began to kiss back at last, his arms sliding up around Severus' neck, clinging to him in his own desperation, and it fueled Severus' desire to make this last.





He plundered Harry's hot mouth with abandon, then let go to kiss and nibble along his jawline, down his throat to nip at collarbones while Harry gasped with desire, his young cock hard and jutting between them while Severus' hands pulled the squirming younger man into his lap.







His hands slid down Harry's muscled back, fingers skimming over the dips and curves of taut muscle until he'd reached the enticing globes of his ass. He squeezed, caressing and massaging, and Harry obligingly wrapped his legs around Severus' waist, clinging tighter as the heat between them increased.







Harry loosened an arm from Severus' neck, his hand coming down to grasp both hard shafts, pumping slowly, moaning loudly as Severus' long fingers kneaded his cheeks with his strong hands, fingers slipping between to tease his twitching pucker. He was suddenly seized, awash in a wave of combined lust, desire, and overwhelming love, all he wanted was to be taken by this man, Severus, possessed and never let go of again.







"Please..." he whispered, begging pitifully, "please...Sev....take me.......fill me up....make it only....only you....make it last.......make me....yours."







Wordlessly, wandlessly, his heart too full to speak, his hands unwilling to let Harry go, Severus cast the charms preparing Harry, and placed the boy over his aching cock. Harry thrust himself downwards, taking Severus in all at once, the shock of being filled so abruptly, the pain of it, making his emerald eyes go impossibly wide, a loud gasp escaping his wet, red mouth.







"Harry..."







"No..." Harry whispered, "just...."







The green eyes implored him, and Severus made it as memorable, as lasting as he could, and eyes locked, they shuddered out their climax together, clinging together, neither wanting to let go.





Harry held on so tightly, and regretfully, Severus nudged him toward the inevitable parting. Those emerald eyes were his undoing, however, and he relented, his own desire to spend every last possible minute with Harry overtaking his better judgement.

Silently, he led the stricken boy into his shower, holding him tightly as the hot water cascaded over them both, Harry's tears against his chest hotter yet.







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Harry looked into the mirror over the sink in his own bathroom, scrutinising his own reflection. He'd quickly showered again upon returning to his own room, scrubbing himself roughly with the soap he usually used, shampooing his hair with the shampoo Ginny bought for him, and brushing his teeth until his gums stung. He realised he was being a bit paranoid, but he couldn't take the chance that Ginny would see or smell any sign of Severus on him. Just to be sure, he cast a Scourgify charm over himself, and went out into the main bedroom.







He chose fresh clothing and slowly dressed, trying to ignore the recriminations his mind insisted on screaming at him, but it was no use. They demanded to be heard, even over the pangs of grief shooting through his heart at having to leave Severus, and his insides writhed painfully with the chaos of his conflicting feelings.







You deserve the pain! Look what you've done and you can't go back now! You can't change it! You cheated! You cheated on your wife and nothing, not your feelings for Severus, not your feelings for Ginny and James, not anything ever again can change that!







Harry groaned and gave up trying to button his shirt, bringing his shaky hands up to cover his face as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut.







How could you have let this happen?! Let it go this far?! And what the fuck are you going to do??





He rushed back into the bathroom, nausea rising, his stomach in a roil but nothing came up. He stood on shaky legs, gripping the vanity, willing himself to get a grip on himself.







"This can't go on," he whispered to his reflection. "You're cheating Ginny with Severus, you're cheating Severus with Ginny." He hung his head and willed away the tears that threatened.





After a moment he lifted his head, shaking it, refusing to look at his reflection, muttering, "I can't choose. I can't!", then turned away to prepare for his wife's return.





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Severus looked up from the book he was reading, and frowned upon hearing Harry's whisper once again. He saw the slight wince that shuddered through Harry, and his frown deepened. The younger man had cast "Scourgify" on himself so many times his skin must be stinging, Severus thought. Harry's nerves unsettled Severus, yet, he supposed, he would feel just as unsettled if Harry were able to be completely calm and collected in the face of his wife's return after the weekend they'd just spent.







Severus himself was feeling deeply guilty, but he was better at hiding his feelings, better at lying through his teeth, pretending things were anything but what they were, thanks to all his years as a spy. Briefly he wondered what that said about himself, that he could remain calm and collected, and lying, even to somebody he cared about. Because he did care about Ginny, more and more everyday, and he did not wish to hurt her, no matter how deep his feelings for her husband.







Harry paced, sat down, got up, paced again, trying vainly to get a grip on himself. Severus watched him, and sighed deeply as Harry once again muttered a "Scourgify" and winced.







"Harry," he said, and the younger man visibly startled. "Would you like me to go to my rooms?"







"No!," Harry yelped quickly. "No...I'm...I'm fine."







"If you cast "Scourgify" on yourself one more time you'll begin bleeding," Severus said drily.







"I'm sorry!," Harry said, "just...." He felt awful. Trapped. He didn't want to hurt Severus' feelings, and felt guilty that his lover had heard him cast the cleansing spells.







"Harry," Severus said carefully, "if this is going to cause you such...."







"No," Harry said sharply, "don't say it. I don't regret it. Not at all. Even if .....even if I feel guilty, I don't regret it."







"While I am glad to hear that, still...." Severus began, but was cut off by Harry.







"No." Harry said with finality. "Don't say it's over. I'm not giving you up, Severus. I love you. No matter what else....even if I feel guilty over......Ginny......I love you and.....I'm not giving you up." Harry surprised himself with the vehemence with which this popped out. He knew now that he could not give Severus up.





Before Severus could add anything to that, the floo flared up, and Ginny, James in her arms, stepped through.





"Oh!," she said with happiness and relief, "it's good to be home!" She tipped James into Harry's arms and leaned in for a kiss. Harry obliged, conscious of Severus' presence, and then kissed his son, cuddling him tightly until the boy squealed and tried squirming away.





"Severus," Ginny said, stepping over to peck his cheek. "So. How did my boys survive the weekend without me?" she asked with a smile.







"Erm.....we managed," Harry said, not daring to look at Severus.







"You must be exhausted," Severus said to Ginny, stepping in smoothly. "Why don't you settle James and your things in, and then come to the kitchen. I've taken the liberty of relieving you of dinner duty."







"Oh Severus," Ginny sighed happily, pecking his cheek again, "I love you! I am a bit worn and I'm starving. Mum wanted us to stay for dinner, but I wanted to get home to my boys. Thank you!"







She stepped back over to Harry, taking James back, and gave him a frankly suggestive look, and murmured, "Then after dinner, we'll get James sorted and then maybe we can relax. I've missed you."







"I've missed you too," Harry gulped, feeling his face flush. He ventured a quick peek at Severus out of the corner of his eye, and saw the man's jaw tighten slightly before he pulled his usual mask back on.







"Why don't you help Ginny unpack, Harry, and I'll get dinner," he said and disappeared into the kitchen.







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Dinner was an uncomfortable affair for Harry. Severus engaged Ginny in talk about the Quidditch matches she'd covered and the interviews she'd conducted and her writing, and all the while Ginny, though talking animatedly, was stroking her foot up and down Harry's leg, making it clear that she couldn't wait for dinner to be over. Admittedly, Harry couldn't wait to be alone with her, he had missed her and she did turn him on, but he also couldn't help worrying about whether he could stand another tumble in the sheets. Severus had so thoroughly wrung him out on that score, and Harry, although aroused, wasn't sure he'd be able to carry through. That, combined with the feeling that he was somehow cheating on Severus with his lustful thoughts of Ginny, left Harry without much appetite at all.







Oh my God, he thought frantically, you must be mad! How do you think you're ever going to survive this?! You don't want to give Severus up, but the truth is, you never should have got involved in the first place!







He continued to internally castigate himself until he was drawn out of his own thoughts by Ginny's warm hand on his arm. "Just leave the clearing up, Severus," she said, her warm brown eyes on Harry all the while, "I'll do it in the morning. There's more important things to tend to than the washing up."







Harry gulped, his throat dry, and was afraid to even glance at Severus. He squeezed Ginny's hand instead cast about frantically for something to say. He was rescued by Severus himself, who said lightly, "I'm sure you and Harry have plenty to talk about, Ginny, and I am rather tired myself. If you don't mind, I'll excuse myself and retire to my rooms. Good night then."







Harry ventured a look at him as he said good night, but Severus' face was as inscrutable as ever, and Harry felt a deep pang of guilt.







Stop it! he told himself harshly. He knew you were married. He knew what he was getting into. Both of you did! You can feel guilty about what you're doing to Ginny, but it's wrong to feel guilty over Severus! She's your wife! He's your secret male lover!







"Good night, Severus," Ginny said, and headed for the bedroom.







Without looking back, Harry followed.







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