A Different Kind of Magic--UNDERGOING EDIT

Chapter 54- Turnabout


Hermione returned to the cottage with Remus the following morning. She didn’t even spare a glance for Severus when she stepped from the fireplace. Her wand flicked an envelope from Minerva his way as she glided into the kitchen, calling for Teddy.

His eyes swept with her. She had changed. There was hardness to the way she carried herself, as if she had a secret resolve to turn herself into a walking statue no one could touch. He didn’t blame her for not speaking with him. It would probably take some time before she would accept his company again, if ever. His eyes flicked over the note and then to the silent Lupin.

“How is she?” Severus asked quietly. He knew something of great import had taken place. Yet again, because of his lack of magic, he had been of no use to her.

“She’s shaken. I don’t know if she’ll ever be the same.” Remus’ worried gaze stayed fixed on where Hermione had disappeared into the kitchen.

“Of course she’ll never be the same. The fucking bastard raped her!” Severus snarled quietly. I don’t care if I’m a fucking squib. I’ll kill that sonofabitch with my bare hands.”

Remus turned a curious look at him. He looked as if he were full to bursting with information and didn’t know where to start. The fair professor cast a Muffliato over the area and took a seat on a pouf opposite Snape.

“Well?” the impatient potions master growled. He wanted to shout that he had no time for subtle theatrics, but that would have been a lie. He had all the time in the world, as it were.

“Albus-“ Remus began but was immediately interrupted by Snape.

“Damn Albus. How did I know this was going to lead back to him?”

“Are you going to let me speak?”

Severus let his lips settle into a slight sneer and nodded his head for Remus to continue. He had to set aside his extreme dislike of the man in order to get the information he craved.

Remus explained the second-hand account Minerva had afforded him of the bizarre tale that had led to the horrid violation of Hermione. He left out the part about the shocking revelation of her intimate affair with the man as well as the shock that she had been cutting herself. Lupin figured the two had enough problems between one another without adding petrol to the proverbial fire. He had had a stern talking to with the young lady and she had promised him she would cease hurting herself immediately.

The story of Nagini’s exorcism from her subconscious was nothing short of incredible. It had taken all of Professor’s Fishwick, Vector and McGonagall’s strength to cleave it from her and banish it to the Netherworld where she belonged. The three professors lay sequestered in their respective quarters, unable to do more than slumber the sleep of the near-dead from magical exhaustion.

When he was done speaking all Severus could do was pinch the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. “It’s my fault she’s in this mess to begin with.”

“Don’t ever say that!” Lupin placed his hand on Snape’s knee and jerked back when the other man slapped it away.

“Why not, Lupin?” he sneered. “Who else is to blame for the suffering she’s been through? If I had just died when I was supposed to we wouldn’t even be here. I never asked to be here!” he roared and hurled his cane end over end across the room where it clattered to the floor harmlessly.

Nonplussed by the tirade, Remus merely smiled and walked over to pick up the cane, returning it Snape’s side. “She’s going to need you. Let go of the past and be there for her. Be good to her, love her. She needs you, and you need her.”

“Love,” Severus snorted. “What would you know about love?”

“Quite a bit actually; enough to know not to throw it away when it is gifted to you.”

“Love if for the weak and feeble minded. It does nothing but destroy oneself and those around you.”

“Would you just let go of Lily for one moment in your life and take hold of what is in front of you?”

“Don’t you dare speak to me of Lily you traitor!”

Severus snatched his cane to bash at Remus with it but the D.A.D.A. teacher calmly deflected the glancing blow with a muttered shielding spell.

“This is what I’m talking about, Severus. We were kids; I was just as lost and lonely as you were. All of us loved Lily at some point or another. You can hardly blame me for taking what she so freely offered.”

“Are you calling Lily a slut?” Snape asked dangerously, his long fingers tapping ceaselessly against either leg.

“I would never call her anything of the sort. I am merely stating something that should have been said long ago. Your hatred of me is unfounded. I shared a few stolen moments with a beautiful young girl. You, of all people, should understand what it was like to be in her thrall.”

Remus was very glad the full moon was a full two weeks off. He didn’t think he could have held off the effects being so near Snape and the strange boiling anger inside of him so near the full moon would have done to him. The effort it was taking for him to remain calm was difficult as it was, even with the Calming Draught he had consumed prior to coming back to the Cottage with Hermione.

Severus opened and closed his hands into the useless fists they so often took the shape of. His heart was torn between hating Lupin and understanding one hundred percent where he was coming from. They had both lost her to James, but it did nothing to alleviate the betrayal of his young love and the memory of her with Lupin hanging off her arm.

Snape steepled his fingers and gazed a long while over them at Remus, his elbows resting on his knees, his gaunt face haggard from lack of sleep and worry.

“I have a proposal.”

“Which is.” This ought to be good. It wouldn’t be Snape without some sort of Slytherin deal.

“You must promise me to replace Rabastan as Hermione’s contact unless absolutely necessary, and only then shall he be accompanied by another member of the Order if he is to have any contact with her.”

“And in return.”

This is when Severus looked away. He hated what he was about to say but felt it necessary to protect the woman he begrudgingly admitted he had fallen hopelessly in love with.

“In return I shall cease this petty, adolescent bickering between us and consider the matter settled.” The last part came out in a mumble barely above a whisper.

“What was that?” Remus teased, trying to bait the man.This wasn't much of a bargain. He would have demanded to be in charge of looking over Hermione as Hogwarts liason anyway.

“You damn well heard me werewolf, and don’t pretend otherwise!” Snape snapped irritably. It was bad enough having to behave around the infuriating man much less make concessions as well.

“Yes, yes, well then.” Remus cleared his throat and extended his hand.

With the speed of a snail Severus reached out his hand and gave Lupin’s a firm shake before snatching it away as if the mere touching of palms burned him irrevocably.

Lupin rose to leave and was stopped by the tip of the black cane. He turned toward Snape with a questionable frown.

“What of Rabastan?”

“Minerva is still waiting for Harry to confirm the details of the event before she allows him to resume his duties. He will be under a wand oath not to harm Hermione in any way.”

“He is not to be punished?” At this Severus arched one brow with disbelief. Had the old bat gone soft?

Remus shook his head to the negative. “We need him, Severus. He’s our only contact at the Ministry. We can’t take any chances with raising suspicions. You ought to know that.”

Snape lowered his cane to let Remus go. It was no use arguing with the man over something he could not control, but he would be having a few strong words for Minerva the next time the opportunity arose. And Circe help that big dumb bastard Rabastan if Snape ever got his magical powers back with the two of them alone in the same room. The shite-eating fucker wouldn’t know what hit him.

Remus Floo’ed back to Hogwarts unnoticed, Severus lost in his own wool gathering, imagining scenarios involving torture to the genitalia of one Professor Lestrange.

Severus looked up as Hermione ushered Teddy up the stairs. “I’m too old for naps!” the child whinged, but her firm tone assured him a story and a game when he woke.

To his surprise, she came back down the stairs and sat down next to him. “Would you care for some tea, Professor?” she asked cordially.

“Earl Grey.” She rose to the kitchen and reappeared several moments later with a steaming kettle and two rose colored tea cups.

“You take your tea straight, Professor?”

“Indeed.”

She proceeded to add two sugars and a fair dollop of cream to her own.

He sipped, allowing her the room to initiate a conversation or leave. After his faux paux, he had no desire to further alienate her.

Hermione felt light and almost carefree after spending some time with Teddy. The happy-go-lucky child had fixed her with a solemn stare and held her hands while a strange glow passed between them. It had obviously pleased him to some extent because he had announced, “You’re clean now Miss Hermione. No more nasties but I wish you’d talk to Mister Snape again. He misses you and been real sad.” Then the child had continued to eat his lunch as if it were the most natural thing in the world for a four year old to speak of such things.

She reached out and set her spoon down. “I see your healing is coming along.”

“Yes, Mrs. Weasley is a most competent healer. Madam Pomfrey was kind enough to reset the bones and knit them sufficiently so I can walk.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

Another awkward pause passed between them.

“About what was said the other day, Professor, I wanted to apologize.”

She wanted to apologize to him?

“I was trying to make a joke when I said it would have been easier if you had died. It was in poor form.”

“Indeed.”

“And you’re not a thankless git,” she stared into her lap, “and I don’t feel I wasted my life helping you recover. I wanted to help you. I have never felt sorry for you, Professor, I’ve always respected the sacrifices you’ve made. You are an extraordinary man and I’m grateful for all you’ve done.”

He finished sipping his tea, absorbing all she had told him. It was an unexpected revelation, but then again, Hermione always managed to somehow surprise him. Something terrible had transpired between her and Lestrange, and here she was apologizing to him! The woman always managed to put him to shame. She was possibly the most unselfish person he had ever known.

“Miss Granger, no, Hermione, I am a thankless git, and though it is difficult for me,” he cleared his throat uncomfortably, “it is I that owes you an apology. My comments were inappropriate. I did not mean what I said. Please accept my misgivings.”

The first true smile he had seen in days lit up her face like the morning sun when her eyes rested on his. A storm of butterflies erupted in his stomach, a familiar ache in his groin starting to rouse.

“I accept, Professor. It means a lot to me to know you are still on my side.”

On her side?

“You and I, we’ve been through so much together already.” She grasped his hands firmly in her own. “I was beginning to think you hated me.”

“Only every other Tuesday, and sometimes the third Friday of each month.”

“Stop it!” she smacked him with a throw pillow.

“Am I going to have to summon Minerva to take you away as well?”

“Only if she chains us together.”

“Is that a proposition Miss Granger?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether you feel up to taking me up on it.”

His obsidian eyes glittered at her, searching her face carefully. “As much as I would love to take you at your word, Miss Granger, you have only just gone past a traumatic incident from the previous day.”

“I need to get it out of my head as quickly as possible,” she begged, suddenly distraught. “If I don’t replace the memory it’s going to haunt me.”

“So you wish to use my services as a bandage to your wounds.”

“It’s more than that. I care for you, Severus; I have for a long time. I was devastated when you were taken prisoner. Lupin thought you had taken Teddy and joined forces with renegades. When he kidnapped me I never thought I’d see you again. That’s when I realized I loved you.”

There; she had finally said it. His face was unreadable. It was maddening how, even without his magic, he was still able hide all emotion.

His pale hand came up to touch the headpiece she still wore. “I wish I could give you back your voice,” he whispered.

“You’ve given me your friendship. That is more than I could have ever hoped to attain. It’s enough.”

“Nothing will ever be enough for the crimes I have committed.” He took his hand away and smoothed back his long hair. He was grateful Teddy’s healing had at least spared him the indignity of bald spots. Hermione’s had filled out nicely. She no longer needed glamour to cover the patches that had been burned or torn away from their battle at the Manor.

Hermione responded to him kindly. “You’ve forgiven me for my crimes; surely you can accept my forgiveness for yours.”

“And what crimes against humanity have you committed, Miss Granger?” he snapped, irritated at her need to press him further. “When is the last time you killed an entire family? Do you know what it feels like to rape a dead woman in front of her husband? Or have another Death Eater sodomize you for the Dark Lord’s pleasure? There are horrors I have both committed and witnessed more terrible than your worst nightmare! There is no saint holy enough in this world to forgive me for my crimes, so do not ever speak to me of forgiveness! I can never be forgiven!” The brand on his face was turning purple, the tirade quickly sapping his strength.

“Rest, I need to rest,” he gasped.

Without prompting, she helped him stretch out on the wraparound sofa and put a pillow under his head.

“I apologize for pushing your buttons, Professor. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Think nothing of it, Miss Granger. My fuse has been short since being back from Malfoy’s. Now, if you’ll leave me to rest for a bit, I’ll be fine.”

Hermione touched her headpiece. It was such a part of her now; she barely registered its presence. She had learned how to mouth the words while thinking, so it wasn’t disconcerting to people when she spoke. It gave the illusion of real speech, but she did still get some odd looks when the timing was off a bit. She wondered if she was ever going to regain the use of her voice. No one had been able to figure out a cure. Albus had told her it was a mental block and would return in time. Her own problems aside, it was her most fervent wish to somehow help Severus regain his magic. There just had to be a way.

She thought back to the day before. It was like a dream. Hermione knew she had been raped but it was like it had happened to someone else. It wasn’t real. Rabastan hadn’t meant to do it. That made it seem even more dream-like. She had sworn off men in Minerva’s office and today she was propositioning the Professor. What was wrong with her? It was as if a circuit between her brain and her sex was disconnected. A small part of her told her she needed to grieve the tragedies that had happened to her. She had never really faced what Brian had done to her.

Hermione had made love to both Severus and Rabastan within the span of a few days. Now she was dismissing a violent rape as if it were a lover’s quarrel. Is this what it felt like to be dysfunctional? Yet Minerva had treated her kindly, telling her the very personal story from her own youth. She seemed to understand the struggles that Hermione was going through, and not at all worried about her mental state to the extent that she was.

Hermione decided to take the Headmistress’ advice and make a choice. Severus never had to find out about her brief affair with Rabastan. He would be none the wiser and she could resume building on what they had started. She was desperately attracted to him and wanted to help him heal, to build a future with him. And she loved him. She had told him that. Hermione didn’t expect him to return the sentiment but felt a weight lifted from her when she told him. Hearing herself say it out loud confirmed her conviction that Severus was the one she wanted.

Now if only another piece of the Prophecy could be procured so she had something to work on. She was going to head just north of stir crazy if she wasn’t given something to work on fairly soon. Either that or her and the Professor were going to be having a lot of sex after they put the child to bed. Maybe it would be both. Either way, she intended to make up for lost time.

She leaned down and kissed his brow before lying down on the other end of the sofa and curling up for her own mid-morning nap.

Despite her wish for lovemaking that night, Severus decided to keep his raging libido in check and retired to his room alone halfway through everyone's afternooon kip. He wasn't taking any more chances with his heart quite yet. Severus didn't know if it could take it so soon after his forced captivity.

He stared at the ceiling of his bedroom for a long while before allowing his eyes to close and for once, have a long, soothing and restful sleep.