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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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LOST AND DAMNED

Was It All Just a Part of Your Plan?

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Harry felt great! Everything was so amazing. He could do anything! All he had to do was go out there and do it! He jumped up and walked out of the dorms, feeling more upbeat than he had all day. He moved confidently and happily out, pleased when he ran into Hermione just outside with her arms full of her books.

"Hey, Hermione. Look, I'm really sorry about today," Harry said.

"What? Oh that…No, that's fine, Harry," Hermione said with a small, distracted smile. "You were right, though," she admitted with a sigh. Then, she looked at him more carefully. "Are you alright, Harry?"

"I'm fantastic," he replied with a grin. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Where are you going?" Hermione asked uncertainly. "It's almost curfew."

"Just going for a walk," he said.

"At this time of night?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"I think a walk would do us both some good," Harry replied. "We won't be long."

Pursing her lips, Hermione nodded slowly. "Just let me go put my books down," she said, turning to the Fat Lady and giving the password. She was back outside in under a minute. She easily linked her arm through his and Harry let her and led them both through the corridors. He wondered a minute if he should have brought his Invisibility Cloak, but he knew they'd meet no one on their way, and they didn't. He thought Hermione might have said something about it, but she didn't. Every time he looked at her she seemed to be somewhere else entirely, lost in sad thoughts somewhere. She'd feel better, though, Harry knew…somehow. He'd make her feel better and he'd get that memory from Slughorn and maybe he'd even fix things with Severus.

"We're going outside?" Hermione asked as they approached the door.

"Of course," Harry said. "It's a nice night…we could use some fresh air."

Hermione just nodded slowly and let herself be led. Luckily for them Mr. Filch hadn't locked the entrance. They stepped out into the cool night and Hermione huddled a bit closer to him as they walked. He didn't know where he was going at first, but he knew could see the outline of a path that Felix was setting out for him. He knew exactly where to go and didn't at all question where his luck was taking him. Other than her initial worries, Hermione didn't seem much bothered, either. She wasn't acting much herself, but Harry knew she'd be good in no time.

After a few minutes Harry turned them towards the path to Hagrid's cabin. Hermione seemed aware at that moment and looked prepared to ask him why they were going to Hagrid's. She glanced over her shoulder at the castle, but ended up saying nothing and continued walking with Harry.

The closer they got, they became aware of loud noises from behind the cabin. Hermione's eyes grew wide. "What is that?" she asked.

The two picked up speed and went around to the back garden. Hagrid and Slughorn both stood there next to the body of a large, dead spider. Hagrid was sniffling loudly while Slughorn leaned over the creature's head, holding a phial in his hands, filling it up with the spider's venom.

"It's…it's not everyone appreciates how beaut'ful they are," Hagrid was saying, tears pouring down his face. "I didn' know yeh were int'rested in creatures like Aragog, Horace."

"Interested? My dear Hagrid, I revere them," said Slughorn, sliding a few phials into his pocket before turning to Hagrid. "Harry! Miss Granger! What are you doing out here?"

"Umm," Hermione said.

"We were just taking a walk before curfew and we decided to stop by when we heard you. We wanted to make sure everything was alright," Harry said.

"Oh Harry…Hermione…S'good to see yer," Hagrid said, whipping out a rag and blowing his nose. "Aragog…Aragog died. Was gunna invite yeh to the burial, bu' it's gettin' late."

"Well we're here now, Hagrid," Harry assured him, turning to Hermione who was gaping at Aragog.

"It's so sad you never got ter know him, Hermione," Hagrid said with another sniff. "I know you'd have liked him."

"Of course," Hermione said, turning to Harry with wide eyes.

"Understandable, Aragog should have his friends nearby," Slughorn agreed. "Shall we proceed to the burial?"

Hagrid nodded and moved forward, picking up the giant spider and rolling him into a dark pit not far from him. The body hit with a loud, horrible, crunchy thud. Hagrid began to cry again and Harry and Hermione moved forward on either side of him to offer comfort.

"Of course, it's difficult for you, who knew him best," said Slughorn. "Why don't I say a few words?"

Slughorn wore a satisfied expression as he walked over to the edge of the pit. He spoke in a low and impressive voice. "Farewell, Aragog, king of arachnids, whose long and faithful friendship those who knew you won't forget! Though your body will decay, your spirit lingers on in the quiet, web-spun places of your forest home. May your many-eyed descendants ever flourish and your human friends find solace for the loss they have sustained."

Hermione stared at their Potions master incredulously and shot Harry questioning looks that Harry didn't acknowledge. He himself wasn't too sure about anything. Why Slughorn was here or what had been going on before they arrived, but he knew not to ask. All he had to do was go with the flow of things and he'd have everything he needed.

"Tha' was…tha' was…beau'iful!" howled Hagrid, looking ready to collapse, but Harry and Hermione held onto him and Slughorn rushed forward to help the teenagers.

"There, there," Slughorn said, waving his wand so that the huge pile of earth near the hole rose up and fell over the dead spider. "Let's get inside and have a drink."

The three helped Hagrid into his cabin and got him into a chair at the table. Harry and Hermione took their own seats while Slughorn dug around in a small bag he had with him and produced a few bottles of wine. He began pouring most of the first bottle into a bucket-sized mug of Hagrid's.

"He took venom from that spider, didn't he?" Hermione asked, giving Slughorn a hard look. "I can't believe he'd do that! W-"

"Why would he want it, anyway?" Harry asked.

"Acromantula venom is valuable," Hermione explained. "So I suppose I can understand why he'd want it, but it seems a bit insensitive for him to just come around taking its venom when Hagrid was so upset over it dying."

"Yes, well, it's Slughorn," Harry said with a shrug.

"One for Harry," Slughorn was saying, pouring wine into another mug. "One for the lovely Miss Granger," he said, pouring another cup.

"Are you sure you want to be giving this to students, Professor?" Hermione asked warily, sounding like her old self.

"I won't tell if you won't, dear girl! No worries, no worries. We're celebrating dear Aragog's life, you know!" he said with a wink.

Harry kicked Hermione lightly to get her to stop talking. Hermione looked prepared to argue more, but ended up shutting her mouth and taking the wine. After a moment's hesitation, she began sipping it. Harry raised his own mug, but didn't drink. He somehow knew that it was best not to do so.

Hagrid and Slughorn went on discussing various things like the unicorn hair Hagrid had around his hut, dragon eggs, and other things that Hagrid had or dealt with that peaked Slughorn's interest. It mostly had a lot to do with things of value and Hermione would mutter disparaging comments under her breath, but no one but Harry got to hear them. She drank her way through her mug and allowed Slughorn to refill it. He thought he might say something about it, but knew that letting her drink was the thing to do. Now and then he'd pretend to have another sip of his wine.

An hour or so later, Hagrid and Slughorn began making extravagant toasts to Hogwarts and to Dumbledore and to various other things. Hermione rested her head on the table and giggled uncontrollably, now and then joining in on their toasts, but mostly just sipping her wine and giggling and falling sideways out of her chair so that Harry would have to reach over and sit her straight. It didn't help that Harry had used a nonverbal spell to keep refilling their wine bottles.

After a while the two professors began singing a slow sad song about a dying wizard called Odo. Hagrid abandoned the song halfway through to express his sorrow over his dad's apparent untimely death and mentioned Harry's parents after that. Tears were pouring down his face again as he rested his head on the table as Hermione did.

"…terrible," Hagrid grunted before snoring loudly.

"Sorry," Slughorn said with a hiccup. "Can't carry a tune to save my life."

"Hagrid wasn't talking about your singing. He meant my mum and dad dying," Harry said quietly.

"Oh," Slughorn said, repressing a large belch. "Oh dear. Yes, that was-was terrible indeed. Terrible…terrible…" He went to pouring more wine into his own mug and then Hermione's when she lifted her head and stuck her own back out. Her own eyes were as bloodshot and watery as Hagrid's were.

"I don't….don't suppose you remember it, Harry?" Slughorn asked awkwardly.

"No-well I was only one when they died," Harry said. "But I've found out pretty much what happened since. My dad died first. Did you know that?"

"I-I didn't," Slughorn said in a hushed voice.

"Yeah…Voldemort murdered him and then stepped over his body towards my mum," said Harry.

Slughorn shuddered, but his eyes remained fearful and eagerly excited on Harry's face.

"He told her to get out of the way," said Harry remorselessly. "He told me she needn't have died. He only wanted me. She could have run."

"Oh dear," breathed Slughorn. "She could have…she needn't…That's awful…"

"It is, isn't it?" said Harry, voice barely more than a whisper. He could feel Hermione watching him and she seemed to want to say something, but thankfully remained quiet. "But she didn't move. Dad was already dead, but she didn't want me to go, too. She tried to plead with Voldemort…but he just laughed."

"That's enough!" said Slughorn, suddenly raising a shaking hand. "Really, my dear boy….enough. I'm an old man…I don't need to hear…I don't want to hear…"

"I forgot," lied Harry. "You liked her, didn't you?"

"Liked her?" said Slughorn, eyes brimming with tears. "I don't imagine anyone who met her wouldn't have liked her…Very brave…Very funny…It was the most horrible thing…"

"But you won't help her son. She gave her life, but you won't give me a memory."

"Don't say that," he whispered. "It isn't a question…If it were to help you, of course…but no purpose can be served…"

"It can," Harry said. "Dumbledore needs information. I need information. I'm the Chosen One. I have to kill him. I need that memory. It's very, very important if we want to kill him."

"You are the Chosen One?"

Hermione snorted, but Slughorn didn't seem to hear her.

"Of course I am," Harry said calmly.

"But then…my dear…my dear boy…you're asking a great deal….you're asking me, in fact, to aid you in your attempt to destroy-"

"You don't want to get rid of the wizard who killed Lily Evans?"

"Harry, Harry, of course I do, but-"

"You're scared he'll find out you helped me?" Harry asked. Slughorn said nothing, but the terrified look on his face said it all. "Be brave like my mother, Professor…"

"I am…not proud," Slughorn said shakily. "I am ashamed of what…of what that memory shows. I think…I may have done great damage that day…"

"You'd cancel out anything you did by giving me the memory," Harry encouraged. "it would be a very brave and noble thing to do."

There was a long silence, but Harry watched Slughorn and waited. Felix told Harry to do so and he was patient as he watched Slughorn almost unblinkingly. Hagrid's snores filled the cabin and Harry could feel Hermione's eyes looking between him and Slughorn, hiccupping now and then.

Finally, slowly, Slughorn put his hand in his pocket and withdrew his wand. He put the other end inside of his cloak and pulled out a small, empty bottle. Still looking into Harry's eyes, Slughorn touched the tip of his wand to his temple and withdrew it with a long silver thread of memory attached to the end. Slughorn lowered it into the bottle and corked it with the end of his wand and held it out with a trembling hand.

"Thank you very much, Professor."

"You're a good boy," said Slughorn, tears rolling down his cheeks. "And you've got her eyes. Just don't think too badly of me once you've seen it."

"I won't, Professor," Harry promised. He then turned to Hermione who sat up and eyed her mug.

"One more, I think," Hermione said, holding out her mug. "Please."

"Yes, yes," Slughorn said, reaching down to grab another bottle out of his bag. "Hmmm…Here we are."

Slughorn filled Hermione's mug up with the new bottle. Harry didn't know why he didn't just grab the wine, but it was out of his reach and Harry didn't think he wanted to get up to get it. Instead he put his head on his arms and gave a great sigh before falling asleep.

Hermione drank her mug happily and Harry stood up, getting ready to leave once Hermione was done. Harry turned when he heard a weird noise from his friend. His eyes grew wide as he watched Hermione jerk in her seat before falling out of it entirely. Her chocolate brown eyes were wide and foam was dribbling out of the corner of her mouth.

"Hermione?" Harry exclaimed, rushing to her side. He felt a bit of panic, but it didn't seem to overwhelm that calm that had settled over him with Felix. She'd be fine, it told him. He just had to get her to see Madam Pomfrey. Harry picked her up and held her close, running out of Hagrid's hut and back to the castle. The doors were still unlocked and he again met no one while he ran towards the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey was just at the door about to lock up when Harry burst in. "Madam Pomfrey, she's been poisoned!"

"What? Oh dear, set her here!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, ushering him to the nearest bed. Pomfrey began waving her wand over Hermione before rushing over to a cabinet. "Run along, Potter. You can visit again in the morning, I've got her."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," Harry said and walked out of the infirmary. She'd be fine, Felix told him. He had other things he had to do, other opportunities awaiting him…

Midway to Gryffindor Tower he could feel the effects of the potion wearing off. Harry frowned deeply and turned around, staring wide eyed down the staircase he had just gone up. How had he just left Hermione there? Why hadn't he gone to be sure she was alright? She was his best friend! And he had let her drink and be poisoned and just left her all by herself in the infirmary!

Felix hadn't led him astray thus far, though…Hermione would be okay, he told himself.

"Well, well, well…If it isn't Mr. Potter."

Harry felt a shiver run up his spine, though it was perhaps a bit more pleasant than such a dangerous tone warranted. Harry slowly turned, facing the narrowed eyes of his…of Severus. "Yep, it's me."

Severus sneered. "Out after hours. Do you want more detentions?"

Harry only shrugged. He wasn't so worried about that as something else. If only Felix hadn't worn off…Still…"Look…Severus…"

"Professor Snape," Severus corrected.

Ouch. Harry cringed and swallowed hard, narrowing his eyes. "Right," he said stiffly. Never mind that idea. He couldn't very well work anything out with Severus like this. He had more important things to do right now, anyway, he figured. Realizing what floor he was on gave him a new destination entirely. He began walking past Severus to head to Dumbledore's office. He'd want to see the memory right away, wouldn't he?

"Fifteen points from Gryffindor," Severus said, following Harry. "And just where do you think you're going, Potter?"

"That's none of your business, Professor. It's between Dumbledore and me," Harry said.

"Of course," Severus said dryly. "I'm not sure the headmaster would appreciate you being up after hours any more than I do, however."

"You could be wrong about that," Harry said icily. "It is rather important business we have."

"Yes, of course. Nothing involving the great Harry Potter could be unimportant, could it?" Severus growled.

"Guess not," Harry snapped. "Must be why you're always on my case. You seem so concerned about all of my fame and attention, yet you shower me with just as much of it as everyone else. Maybe it's negative attention, but it's all the same, isn't it? If you're not too busy putting me down it's only because you need someone to take care of your…your…sexual needs."

"Let's not forget which one of us was more concerned about his sexual needs, Potter," Severus said darkly.

Harry's jaw clenched, but it was hard to deny it. Almost every time they had done anything it was because Harry had initiated it…albeit awkwardly and with great difficulty, but he always somehow managed to convey his desires.

"I'm just a teenager, Professor," Harry spat after a few minutes as they neared Dumbledore's office, surprised Severus was still walking with him. "You could have stopped yourself, couldn't you? You're what? Thirty seven now? Y-"

Suddenly Harry found himself being slammed back into the stone wall nearby. He hissed in the sharp pain that attacked his spine, glaring as Severus glowered dangerously at him. "Listen here, Potter. Y-"

Harry didn't give Severus any more time to finish his statement then Severus had given him. For some reason he was consumed with the strangest desire to either hit or kiss him and ended up kissing him hard. It was a weird thing to do when one was angry. Harry had heard of angry sex before, but he had never really seen how it could really happen until now. Suddenly sex seemed like a great idea…A better venting of anger than dueling the man and honestly even now, as strong as the desire was, he didn't really want to hurt Severus. No more than he already had.

Severus began kissing him back, pressing his taller body against Harry's firmly. They grasped at each other, lips and teeth clashing hard while tongues battled for dominance. There was nothing loving or sexy about it…Just pure anger. Raw, unadulteratedanger. Anger with Severus for being such a prat and anger with himself for letting things come to this. Anger over his life for being such a mess. Anger over the stupid potion wearing off.

Harry's fingers clenched into fists in Severus's robes and he could feel something hard pressing into his stomach and he pressed against it, moaning loudly as Severus pressed his leg against Harry's own growing arousal.

"Ahem," said a loud voice from nearby. "I am not entirely sure that is the wisest of things to be doing in public, don't you agree?"

Severus suddenly jerked away, as if burned, and cleared his throat before turning to Dumbledore. "I…I apologize, headmaster." He shot Harry a loathing glare. "I believe Potter wanted to speak with you. Good night."

With that he swept away and Harry glared after him and shook his head, wanting to punch the wall behind him. "I got the memory, Professor," Harry managed to say, keeping check of his temper. It was the thing that had gotten him most in trouble today.

"Did you?" Dumbledore said, surprised, raising his eyebrow.

"Mhm," Harry said, pulling out the bottle.

"Excellent. I knew you could do it, Harry," Dumbledore said with a genuine smile. "Let us have a look, shall we?"

Nodding, Harry followed Dumbledore into his office and handed over the bottle. "Erm…So…Se…Snape can't know about this?"

Dumbledore paused and frowned sympathetically. "No, I'm afraid not, Harry. It would be most unwise, I believe," he explained. "I trust Severus Snape entirely, but considering how close he must be to Voldemort…As mastered an Occlumens as he is, it is not a chance I am willing to take."

"Yeah," Harry said miserably. Even as upset with the man as he was, he could feel the anger fading and his brilliant idea now being replaced by disappointment. Maybe he could use telling Severus all of this as a good excuse to talk to him and make things right. He wasn't positive that things would be perfect, but he had to at least try, didn't he? "Oh and sir…I erm…had to take Hermione to the infirmary. We were at Hagrid's and Slu-Professor Slughorn had some kind of mead and she was poisoned. I got her to Madam Pomfrey, but she made me leave and I just left Hagrid and Slughorn there, cause they fell asleep, but…"

"Poison?" Dumbledore repeated, an odd look crossing his face.

"Erm…Yeah," Harry said, shifting on his feet. "They're at Hagrid's hut."

Dumbledore set the bottle on his desk and headed towards the door. "I believe this matter must take priority, Harry. I hope you understand," he said. "But you may return in the morning…I believe it essential that we view this memory as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, feeling a bit relieved that they wouldn't have to do this tonight. He had too much on his mind to put himself into focusing on this memory. "Do you think Hermione will be okay?"

"I'm sure Madam Pomfrey is taking care of her," Dumbledore said. "However, as I am sure you are concerned about Miss Granger and might not get much rest until you know, you may wait for me outside of the infirmary and we may check on her together once I get the rest of his sorted out."

"Yes, sir," said Harry, eagerly following Dumbledore out. Maybe he could get an idea of what was going on from outside the door, he hoped. And he was sure if anything bad happened then Madam Pomfrey would leave or do something to let Dumbledore know. In the meantime, he'd be waiting outside of her door, half hoping Severus would walk by.

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Lost and Damned