Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling & her associates own the Harry Potter universe and I make no money from my stories.

Chapter List
- 53
- 54
- 55
Chapter 54: Taking Umbrage

Direct quotes from Chapter 17 of OotP are in bold and © J.K. Rowling

Inspecting his class? Really? What would she even know about Potions or the teaching of it? He had avoided her "inspections" so far, undoubtedly due to her Slytherin affiliation. He wondered why he had come under her scrutiny one month after the others, as he swept towards his classroom, his foul temper providing all the pain relief he needed to correct his limp.

His first double lesson passed without incident as his NEWT class invariably did. There were so few entrants for NEWT Potions, he could be assured that only those truly committed would take this subject and attempt the intrinsically dangerous potions involved in it.

After the class left, he ensured the class room was in order before its inspection. Before the end of the break, the door opened and in strode Dolores Umbridge, dressed in an ugly tweed twinset and her ridiculous bow on top of her head. A picture of Tippy in her bow popped alarmingly into his head and he looked to the floor so she would not see his amusement. There he espied her rather girlish shoes with kitten heels over which her fat ankles spilled. Her feet reminded Snape of pig's trotters as she tottered toward him.

"Professor Snape," she smiled up at him in a semblance of sweetness in greeting, brandishing her clipboard.

"Professor Umbridge," Snape said, giving her a curt nod.

"Now," she chirped, "I will pass along the aisle as you teach so I can gauge both your teaching style and the students' reactions. Then ..."

"I think not, Professor Umbridge," said Snape silkily. "The potion this OWL class is currently undertaking can be unstable. The students should not be distracted during this lesson or there may be unfortunate consequences."

"I see," Umbridge said, an edge of steel in her girlishly high voice. It was clear she did not care for anything other than acquiescence.

"There is a corner at the back of my classroom that would suit your purposes admirably," said Snape. As Umbridge took her appointed seat with an expression of marked displeasure, Snape heard the commotion that signified the arrival of his treat of the week: Gryffindor and Slytherin OWL students. Oh joy. He wondered why it had to be this class of all classes. Why the class with Potter in it? Ah, of course. That was the very point, was it not? Umbridge was Fudge's woman and Potter was under her scrutiny too.

He opened the dungeon door and stood in the doorway watching the students. His black eyes swept up the Gryffindor line to the point where Potter and Weasley appeared to be wrestling with Longbottom. Curious. Had Umbridge not been there, he might have enquired the reason for it.

'Fighting, Potter, Weasley, Longbottom?' Snape said in his cold, sneering voice. 'Ten points fom Gryffindor. Release Longbottom, Potter, or it will be detention. Inside, all of you.' He stood back from the door to watch them all file in.

The golden trio took their usual seats at the back of the class ... The class around them was whispering about what Longbottom had just done, but when Snape closed the dungeon door with an echoing bang, everybody immediately fell silent.

'You will notice' said Snape, in his low, sneering voice, 'that we have a guest with us today.'

He gestured towards the dim corner of the dungeon where Professor Umbridge sat, clipboard on her knee. Snape caught the brat's eyes in passing and clearly picked up that he and Umbridge were the two teachers Potter hated most and it would be hard to decide which one he wanted to triumph over the other. Only Potter could think so vacuously, Snape mentally sneered.

'We are continuing with our Strengthening Solution today. You will find your mixtures as you left them last lesson; if correctly made they should have matured well over the weekend – instructions – ' he waved his wand again '- on the board. Carry on.'

Snape stood at the podium overseeing that each student set up their equipment correctly and only took their own cauldron from the storage area. Once done, he patrolled the aisles quietly checking each potion as he passed.

Professor Umbridge spent the first half hour of the lesson making notes in her corner, then she got to her feet and strode between two lines of desks towards Snape, who was bending over Dean Thomas's cauldron adding a shred of knotweed to it render it inert as it was on the cusp of combusting, having already turned orange and now verging on the lethal yellow.

'Well, the class seem fairly advanced for their level,' she said briskly to Snape's back. 'Though I would question whether it is advisable to teach them a potion like the Strengthening Solution. I think the Ministry would prefer it if that was removed from the syllabus.'

Snape straightened up slowly and turned to look at her about to upbraid her for interrupting him at such a critical moment when her extraordinarily idiotic statement registered in his brain. This was not a discussion to be had in front of students, but then she spoke again.

'Now ... how long have you teaching at Hogwarts?' she asked, her quill poised over her clipboard.

'Fourteen years,' Snape replied. He schooled his expression to hide his derision from her. Snape could hear Potter's potion as it hissed menacingly and he was fairly sure that its colour would no longer be turquoise, but its smell told him it was not combustible – yet.

'You applied first for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post, I believe?' Professor Umbridge asked Snape.

'Yes,' said Snape quietly.

'But you were unsuccessful?' Umbridge simpered.

Snape's lip curled in disdain.

'Obviously.'

Professor Umbridge scribbled on her clipboard.

'And you applied regularly for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post since you first joined the school, I believe?' 'Yes,' said Snape quietly, barely moving his lips. He looked very angry. Was she seriously implying that she was in some way – any way – more qualified than he so that she obtained the post this year?

'Do you have any idea why Dumbledore has consistently refused to appoint you?' asked Umbridge. In front of his class! The woman was shameless.

'I suggest you ask him,' said Snape jerkily but toying with the idea of telling her that Dumbledore feared Snape was a Dark wizard of the worst order who would put her under the Cruciatus curse, just for the hell of it, and was therefore not allowed near the post. It might be amusing, but it was too near the truth of what Dumbledore thought of him to be amusing to Snape.

'Oh, I shall,' said Professor Umbridge, with a sweet smile.

'I suppose this is relevant?' Snape asked, his black eyes narrowed wondering why this enquiry was interesting to her or where it was leading.

'Oh yes,' said Professor Umbridge, 'yes, the Ministry wants a thorough understanding of teachers' – er – backgrounds.' There it was then. Snape now understood. Fudge knew that Snape had been a Death Eater, but he would also remember that Snape had tried to convince him of the return of the Dark Lord. No doubt, as soon as Umbridge revealed he had not been inspected, Fudge would have wanted to remedy that. To Fudge, Snape was – in more ways than one – a marked man.

She turned away, walked over to Pansy Parkinson and began questioning her about the lessons. Snape looked round at Potter and their eyes met for a second and Snape knew he had been listening avidly. His potion was now congealing foully and giving off a strong smell of burned rubber and on the verge of becoming yellow.

'No marks again, then, Potter,' said Snape maliciously, emptying Harry's cauldron with a wave of his wand. 'You will write me an essay on the correct composition of this potion, indicating how and why you went wrong, to be handed in next lesson, do you understand?' Was he being harsh? He knew Lupin would say he was. No, Snape would not agree: this was a useful potion that any competent wizard should be able to make, but Potter had merely succeeded in almost making a weapons-grade explosive with it through his carelessness. Well, perhaps this would teach the boy a badly needed lesson about paying attention to a dangerous potion rather than eavesdropping.

"Is Mr Potter a good Potions student?" Umbridge asked him quietly as he moved away.

Snape stopped short. He would usually delight in bemoaning the shortcomings of Potter, so woefully inept at Potions. How could Lily have been his mother, he often wondered. But the proof was there. There, in Potter's eyes.

He turned to Umbridge. He loathed her. Did he loathe her as much or more than Potter? He knew the woman and the man she purportedly represented undermined Potter for maintaining that the Dark Lord had returned. He inwardly smiled to recall Potter's own thoughts earlier: It was hard to decide which one he wanted to triumph over the other.

"He is ... average." Snape's eyes glittered as he spoke. It was the best he could do. Lupin would not be proud, but some things went too deep.

"I see," Umbridge said, clearly unhappy that the verdict was not more caustic, but Snape would not give her or Fudge that satisfaction.

"Now," Snape said quietly, "I must continue to oversee these potions, if you'll excuse me." Snape turned abruptly to continue his patrol of the aisles, as Umbridge emitted a high sigh and turned to speak to Malfoy and Goyle and proceeded to interview most of the Slytherin students throughout the remainder of the lesson, but no Gryffindors.

Once the lesson was over, and the students had left, Umbridge joined Snape at his desk as he was racking the students' potions flasks.

"Hem hem," she coughed in that manner that grated on his nerves to get his attention. He did not turn to face her. "I think we need to reassess the curriculum to ensure Potions are taught in a risk-free environment – to manage and minimise the risk to the students," Umbridge stated airily, jotting notes on her clipboard.

"Brewing potions is not a risk-free activity, Professor Umbridge," Snape drawled. "That is why one must be vigilant as the students learn."

"Oh, you misunderstand me, Professor Snape," Umbridge said brightly. "We need to consider changing it totally. I think - just theory rather than any practical lessons at all would do the trick," Umbridge said, her smile fixed as Snape glared at her in disbelief.

"Surely education is about acquiring skills and knowledge, not just examination technique and paper qualifications," Snape retorted.

"Is it, Professor Snape? I wonder." He had suspected the woman was conniving for some currently unknown purpose, but he did not understand what kind of mind would seek disempower wizardkind in this manner. He breathed in very deeply indeed and pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly turned to face Umbridge, drawing himself to his full height as he looked down his nose at her.

"Only through constant and applied practice can anyone hope to become even remotely competent in Potions," he instructed her silkily. "One needs to become adept at the art of potion-making. That art encompasses not only motor skills of chopping, shredding, mashing and other technical skills, honed to a fine level, and not only calculation, weighing and measurement skills, but also, and this is imperative, the subtle and heightened senses attuned to each and every potion and assessing that potion from its first nascent mix through the brewing and sometimes fermentation processes – learning to tell when a potion could turn or curdle or combust ... in essence ... to intuit it. Madam, no amount of theory will equip a person for this. You will turn out adults of negligible skill." He looked into the ugly, upturned face, with its fixed, false smile and the dull bulbous eyes and knew she had understood nothing.

"All the Ministry requires, Professor Snape, is that the students pass their exams. We need to achieve this in the least dangerous and most efficient manner. Thank you for your co-operation." Her tone brooked no further discussion and Snape was not prepared to waste his time on her breath-taking ignorance. He saw her out of his classroom, barely containing the urge to transfigure her into the toad she so resembled and made his way to the Great Hall for lunch, his face a mask of fury. Minerva fell into step with him as he joined her in the corridor.

"Good inspection then, Severus?" Minerva said wryly.

"Of all the ill-conceived ... moronic ... half-baked notions I have ever heard ..." Snape muttered savagely.

"Oh, I'm sure I can imagine," Minerva smiled. "She'd like to replace mice, rats and birds in my Transfiguration lessons for NEWT experimentation with – I believe her phrase was – "almost sentient" creatures –Centaurs, Merpeople and Werewolves."

Snape felt his eyes become just too wide as he stopped in his steps, and stared after Minerva as she continued towards the Great Hall.

oooOOOooo

When he got back to his quarters after a long day and dinner in the Great Hall, he found a charmed note waiting for him. It was from Lupin.

My darling Severus,

Meet me at the flat if you can. I need to know how you are.

My love,

Remus.

Snape smiled. He wondered how Lupin's heart-to-heart with Black had gone. Suddenly, his irritation with Umbridge seemed to pale in comparison. He left for the Apparition point.

oooOOOooo

Snape arrived at the flat first and made tea whilst he waited for Lupin. Lupin arrived shortly after. He still looked vexed, but not quite as badly as he did when Snape left him and Black this morning. Lupin drew him into a hug but Snape took a sharp intake of breath as Lupin pressed the small of Snape's back. Lupin pulled his hands away fast, looking at Snape enquiringly.

"What's wrong?" he demanded gently.

"I did not really have time this morning," Snape started, and felt himself blush slightly at the fib, "to apply bruise salves ..." then he saw the dawning understanding on Lupin's face.

"Show me," Lupin whispered as he backed away a few steps. "Show me what I did."

Snape mentally cursed himself for not schooling his reactions better. He did not want Lupin to feel guilty. Not at all.

"It's nothing really, Remus," Snape said, but knowing from the look on Lupin's face that it was pointless to protest; he would not be deflected. Sighing heavily, Snape pulled his shirt over his head.

Lupin looked at Snape's body in horror. Snape had not really looked since he had returned to Hogwarts in the morning. He knew there were many bites on his body. He looked down, and there were also many deep finger bruises and probably others that he could not see but he could certainly feel. "Oh Severus. I'm so sorry." Lupin's face was wretched as he took in the explosions of colour that adorned Snape's body. "Let me put salve on them." Snape Summoned his Bruise Salve and handed it to Lupin.

Lupin sat on the floor, cross-legged, and held out his hand so that Snape knelt before him and Lupin applied the salve to his chest, stomach and sides and then he moved to sit behind Snape and Snape heard Lupin hiss in disgust.

"What is it?" Snape asked.

"There are huge bruises across your back. How did I do this to you?" Lupin's voice was still quiet.

Snape remembered well. Lupin had taken him first against the chest of drawers in his bedroom. He was pretty sure the bruises would match the hard edges of most of the wooden furniture in there. He remembered it had been painful to begin with, but the pain had subsided as Lupin had become more demanding and Snape had lost himself to the rhythm of it. He remembered his orgasms had been astounding. How did he tell Lupin these things? He couldn't bear the self-loathing that engulfed Lupin sometimes, when he, Snape, derived so much pleasure from the same acts that made Lupin despair of his humanity.

"We were vigorous," Snape said. "You know me, Remus. I can take solace from your ... ah ... demands. It showed me I was the object of your passion." He twisted around so he could catch Lupin's lips lightly with his own and looked into those eyes that he loved so dearly. "That is what it showed me and you defended me from my enemy. I was completely yours – I wanted to be completely yours. I adored it all." He felt himself flush with the admission and turned to the front again.

Lupin rubbed his face into Snape's neck almost groaning. "I was so lost in the red mist of rage yesterday, I didn't realise how much I was hurting you. I started to recall things as the day went on today and that's why I so wanted to see you. But, oh Severus, I had no idea ..." His voice fell away. "I do not deserve you, Severus," he said, almost inaudibly.

"I think we deserve each other," Snape said gently. Lupin smiled at him weakly, then carried on applying the salve to more of Snape's body than Snape had realised as he told Lupin of Umbridge's planned changes to the syllabus, trying to keep the conversation light until Lupin's mood lifted and he began to join the discussion.

"If I didn't know better, I would have said that woman was a Death Eater with her pureblood prejudices," Snape said. "But Death Eaters believe in magical ability and skill. She'll ensure the students will be incompetent at Defence, and, if she gets her way, we'll have a generation barely able to account for themselves magically at all. That certainly was never the Dark Lord's aim. This is pure Ministry idiocy – "risk-free" indeed!" Snape spat.

"There are many witches and wizards who share Voldemort's prejudices and even his goals, but don't take that final step." Lupin said as he shifted, so he was sitting in front of Snape once more. "I understand more than I ever did before why you hate Sirius and that you will never forgive him. But, we have enough enemies. Real ones. Ones that would wipe everything we stand for from the face of this earth and grind us to dust." He kissed Snape's neck lightly. "I wish you two would understand that enemies are really not what you are. You do not have to get on to be allies. For my sake, I wish you could be."

"I'm sorry Remus. I wish it didn't hurt you. I cannot see our ever getting on – and last night – well, let's say, it was no surprise to me he should act like a pureblood Slytherin. It's in his blood." He cupped his hand over Lupin's as Lupin winced at the recollection.

"Never ... I never could have conceived he would do such a thing – to anyone." Lupin's shoulders slumped again. "It was a hard talk we had today, but we didn't really achieve anything."

"Do you want to tell me?" Snape asked, although he knew he probably didn't want to hear, but, considering Black's behaviour, he suspected he was far more resilient than Lupin, whose eyes were haunted as he looked to Snape for support.

"I think I'd prefer to show you. It may help me understand it," Lupin said.

Snape nodded, and stretched his legs out either side of Lupin's body and Lupin looped his own legs over his as Snape held Lupin's chin and pointed his wand as they locked eyes.

Legilimens.

Lupin's mind. His retreat of calm and love. But he could feel the underlying torment creating eddies of disquiet in this most beloved and pacific place.

"Show me," Snape thought gently.

Snape swept out of the kitchen to the dining room Floo, and the two men sat in uncomfortable silence until they heard the fire flare and subside. Lupin went to get more tea and topped up Black's coffee and sat and stared at him.

"Well," Lupin snapped after some time had passed. "Anything you want to say to me?"

"Moony, I ... I ..." Snape saw that Black trembled, undoubtedly due to lack of sleep and the bottle of Firewhiskey to himself. Words seemed to fail him.

"How is it," Lupin stood abruptly, his chair screeching across the flags, and Snape could tell his temper was rising, "that you appeal to me as Moony, but you constantly insult the wolf. What is the matter with you, Sirius?" Lupin demanded.

There was no doubt that Black looked devastated as he stared at his friend, with new eyes. Eyes that had seen his friend cast a maiming curse at him, to be blocked by none other than Snivellus. Snape was sure Black's world, already upside down after twelve years in Azkaban, had now turned inside out.

Lupin moved behind his chair, resting his hands on the chair back, he leant on it and his head dropped. "This is the second time you tried to use my wolf to kill Severus," Lupin said softly, and then looked up and into Black's glassy, blood shot, grey eyes.

Still Black was mute. It was a day of reckoning but he was befuddled with lack of sleep and booze.

"I want you to think, Sirius, think what you tried to do!" Lupin's voice was rising. "You knew, you of all people knew, the territorial nature of the werewolf - that I would be driven to kill an unfaithful mate. How can I call you friend that you would try to push me into that?" Lupin let the question linger in the air, and then ploughed on. "Severus begged me not to kill you. Did you conveniently forget that part, Sirius? That I would driven to kill you too for trespassing on mine, on my territory?" Lupin had left the chair and advanced on Black and now stood leaning over him, almost nose to nose. "Did you think I would think –oh, it's all right – it's only Padfoot – he's my friend - why shouldn't he face fuck my life's mate under the Imperius curse?" he asked, his voice now quiet and deadly. Black flinched and looked away, blinking furiously. Snape wondered if Black understood his friend's horror at his actions. Did Black understand his own actions at all?

"I ask you this, Sirius. If you had not approved of Lily, would you have done the same thing to her?" Black's face snapped back, horror writ large on his features.

"I thought not." Lupin's face looked infinitely sad, and his hands dropped to his side wearily and he sat down again and put his head in his hands.

Black's face was a riot of conflicting emotions – the fear, the anger, the shame, the confusion – all warring in the man.

"Moony ... Remus," Black's voice was hesitant and cracked, but he didn't pull his eyes away from Lupin. "I .. I ... could not believe you could be ..." disgust contorted Black's features "attracted to him." He quickly held up his hands as Lupin's head jerked up fiercely. "I truly believed that ... please listen. I thought he must have enchanted you. I mean ... it's Snivellus" Black spread his hands as it that were self-explanatory and his tone was disbelieving, as if this still must be some kind of prank, but his smile dropped away at the eyes of flint of his friend.

"I am enchanted, Sirius, but not in the way you think," Lupin said.

"I just can't imagine you and Sn .. Snape," Black said weakly.

"Why would you need to imagine us anyway, Sirius? Have you always imagined me and my lovers? Did you imagine James and Lily together? Of course not! What is wrong with you?" Lupin cried, exasperated. "You don't like Severus – you never have. But he's not sharing your bed – he's sharing mine!"

"Don't, Remus! Don't..." Black shifted uncomfortably as if the imagery physically hurt him.

"No, Sirius. You don't get to say 'don't'. You have no right to judge my relationship. Severus is my mate. We are bonded. You understand what both of those mean. How can you deny what we feel is real? How dare you deny it when magic has recognised our bond? Who are you to say 'don't'?" Lupin said, his volume decreasing, but his tone becoming more dangerous.

Black shifted uncomfortably in his chair, dragged his hand through his dishevelled hair and he watched his own fingers knot as he held them on the table.

"How ... when did you get together with him?" Black asked quietly, not lifting his eyes from his hands.

"Severus, you mean?" Lupin said, insistently. Black nodded.

"When I was teaching at Hogwarts. Before Christmas. I Claimed him the following Spring."

Black's utter confusion was evident and he stared at Lupin. "But ... but ... I don't understand. Why did he attack you at the Shrieking Shack then? Why didn't he take care of you? It was full moon. He should have taken care of you! It makes no sense."

"He was under a Dark curse. A Mind-Breaker curse. I'm not going to go into the detail of it. Suffice it to say, there's a long story to that and it's private to Severus and me. It had harsh consequences for both of us, but we forgave each other. That's all you need to know." Lupin's tone was firm and unyielding.

Black was not satisfied and Snape didn't think he would be either under the circumstances. But the story was too long, too intricate.

"So, then you went to Egypt. What happened then?" Black asked, trying to fit the timeframe.

"We saw each other when we could. Gringotts facilitated werewolves and their mates at the full moon."

Black flinched once more, and Lupin huffed, agitated each time Black showed his distaste.

"How ... I don't mean details, but how ... after all these years ... our history ... did you even become close?"

"Your history, not mine, Sirius," Lupin interjected. "I wanted to get to know Severus better as soon as I joined the staff, but he made it plain he had no time for me, but he made my Wolfsbane for me. Made it perfectly. Sirius, I fancied Severus almost from the moment I saw him again. It was he who wouldn't give me the time of day." Lupin allowed himself a small sour smile at Black's visible discomfort at this revelation that it was Lupin who felt the attraction first.

"Fancy him ... but he's ..."

"Stop it Sirius, I don't want to hear it," Lupin said wearily. "I will tell you if you will listen. If you won't, let's stop right now." Lupin looked away.

Several minutes passed.

"Go on," Black said quietly.

"We needed to work together to lift a curse that had been placed on me by a coven of Death Eaters. It is a complicated tale but, in short, I was the object of this curse to try to ruin Albus because I was just a beast, you see. Expendable. Severus and I worked together to work the counter curse and, through it, we became close."

That's a remarkably sanitised version of the truth, Remus

I think you'll agree that if I'd told him the truth, I don't think he could accept we genuinely felt for each other at all. He would grasp at the Thrall as proof he was right. I can't give him that type of ammunition against us, Severus.

"And you felt so deeply for him ..." Black started, but was interrupted:

"For Severus," Lupin insisted.

"Yes," Black bit out impatiently, "you Claimed him."

"I have never felt more strongly in my life. We bonded at New Year. Albus was our Bonder. I have never been so in love." Lupin's face was earnest, willing Black to understand.

Black's face visibly drained and he stared at his empty coffee mug intently.

"Do you pale because you are disgusted with me or because you are disgusted with yourself?" Lupin's quiet, devastating voice asked the man with haunted slate grey eyes that searched for truth in the bottom of his coffee cup.

Black's head snapped up. "Of course, I'm not disgusted with you, Moony," he said softly. He Summoned a new bottle of Firewhiskey from the sideboard and poured himself a large glass as Lupin shook his head in disbelief.

"Y'know, James and I used to talk about when and if you'd ever ... get wed. We often wondered whether it would be a man or a woman. We weren't sure at the time, y'see." Black's face brightened with the memories. "We always hoped you would find someone to love you ... someone who would see past your ... furry problem." Black knocked back the glass in one and drew a sharp breath over his teeth and poured another. He proffered the bottle to Lupin.

"At 11 in the morning? I don't think so, and neither should you," he said quietly.

Black barked a laugh and downed another and poured again. "What do I need to stay sober for? All the important cleaning work I do for the Order?" Black snorted, and downed the glass. "Imagine what James would think of you shacking up with Snivelly." Black sniggered as he spoke.

Lupin jumped from his chair and grabbed the bottle and threw it so it smashed against the wall and then wheeled on Black, whose reactions were now sluggish from his sudden and dramatic intake of alcohol.

"You just needed to top up really, didn't you, Sirius!" he yelled, grabbing Black's collar in his fists and dragging him from his chair. Black did no more than laugh, a drunken, hopeless laugh, as Lupin held him up as if he were a rag doll. Lupin released his collar in disgust and turned away, and Black fell back into his chair.

"Surprised you don't see the humour, Moons. I mean ... it's Snivellus. You married Snivellus! Moony Lupin married Snivellus Snape. Marauder werewolf married Death Eater. Really? You don't see the humour in it?" Black persisted childishly.

"Really, Sirius," Lupin said quietly, his tone sad. "There is no humour in it, not the type you're taking." Lupin stood, and Black quickly stood, and swayed drunkenly, reaching out to grasp Lupin's shoulder, but Lupin shrugged him away.

"Where are you going, Moons?" Black croaked, as he sat down heavily again. "Don't go."

"I'm going for a walk, Sirius. I suggest you go to bed, then have a bath. When you're sober, perhaps we'll try to talk again ..." He looked disconsolately at the slumped figure in the chair "... if there's any point."

Feeling the intense sadness of Lupin at this moment, Snape slipped gently out of Lupin's mind and kissed him gently then pressed his forehead against Lupin's.

"What happened then?"

"I had some research for Gringotts so I worked in the library. I didn't see him until later this afternoon. He was washed and dressed and trying to act as if nothing happened. He's due to speak to Harry tonight, so he's happier."

"Does he understand that he can tell no-one? Certainly not Potter," Snape said urgently. If Potter knew, he may was well send an owl to the Dark Lord himself with illuminated lettering on the parchment announcing his nuptials. The boy's mind was an open book.

"Yes, he does. He said that at least he won't have to start being nice to you at Order meetings."

"Merlin forfend it should ever be otherwise," Snape muttered. "Even if it had not gone so badly last night, Black should not change his attitude to me. It would arouse suspicions."

"You can say I told you so if you want," Lupin said, with a defeated air. Snape shook his head.

"Perhaps, you did not understand the depth of our enmity because you are too gentle to feel that kind of hatred." Snape wrapped his arms around Lupin and then pulled away again to look at him. "I understand Black. I do myself no credit in admitting this. I understand that just because he was Sorted into Gryffindor does not mean he could shed a whole heritage and upbringing that was totally pureblood Slytherin. You've seen his family home. You know what kind of wizards and witches he came from. The Slytherin way is to use whatever method you need to get your way, it doesn't need to be direct. Sexual violence and manipulation? Just look at Malfoy and Lestrange. They're born and bred to it. Their entitlement, their right, their privilege – their sport. That a Black family member should resort to it does not surprise me at all."

"It horrifies me, Severus," Lupin said. Snape squeezed Lupin's hand.

"He wasn't thinking of you. Not really. He only thought of how badly he thinks of me and that I could not possibly legitimately be loved by you. I have always been, since he coined that juvenile name for me on the Hogwarts Express on our very first day of school – and I will always be - worthless in Black's eyes."

"No, never worthless ..." Lupin sighed. Snape wrapped his arms around Lupin again.

"Remus, believe me, if I had a sister, and I found out she had secretly married Black, I would be furious too."

"Would you have tried to rape her husband?" Lupin said, disbelievingly.

"Of course not. But that was never about sex, was it?" Snape challenged.

"No, it was about murder," Lupin responded, his voice hollow.

"Exactly so, and I might well have killed Black for marrying my hypothetical sister. But I would have enough spine to do it myself," Snape jibed contemptuously.

"That's the hardest part," Lupin whispered. "That he tried to manipulate me – the drives of the wolf that he knows I cannot help - to murder my own husband ... to destroy us both."

"One day, you'll have to tell me how he justified his first attempt to weaponise you when that would have resulted in your destruction if you'd bitten me, and we'll see if that fits ..." Snape sneered, but instantly regretted it, as soon as he felt Lupin's chest hitch in his arms.

"Oh Severus!" It was a groan of anguish, as Lupin wrapped his arms tightly around Snape's waist, and it pulled at Snape's heart and he knew he could never feel any triumph over this loss that Lupin now felt. "I don't think I can ever forgive him. Not again."

"I'm sure you'll find a way. When he finally sees past me, and accepts how he's wronged you, he'll come crawling and beg your forgiveness. And somehow, Merlin knows how, you'll find the good in him as you always do, if I know you," Snape said quietly and confidently.

"Will you hate me for it?" Lupin asked. Snape kissed him gently. Where would I be without your forgiveness? Snape thought.

"Remus, I bonded with you for it."
- 53
- 54
- 55
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

You Will Not Kiss Me