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Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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- 55
AN: This chapter has a lot of time skips, I want to skim through some of it because it could get a little repetitive and boring. :p Soon we will get to the tragedy...or will we? :D I hope you are enjoying and as always i love any review you leave me. It gives me warm fuzzies! I like da warm fuzzies!

Chapter Fifty-Four: Circulum vite (Circle of life)

Over the next few months Lily and James became a special target of Voldemorts, they were hunted as much as Dumbledore himself. Their lives were put at risk each time they left their house but they never wavered. Together they defied him twice more, each time escaping by the skin of their teeth. Voldemort’s rage became such that he was driven to making mistakes, he allowed them both to escape. Frank and Alice Longbottom were also hunted by Voldemort, for they too had refused him.

It was during a cold November when Sirius and the order received news that Lily Evans was pregnant, Dumbledore insured that Lily was no longer allowed on missions she stayed at home while James worked in her stead. Alice became pregnant not long afterwards. People celebrated, they sent gifts and gave them blessings.

Lily was eighteen weeks pregnant when Sirius visited for a whole evening, he had been run ragged with false leads on potential Death Eaters and he came to them exhausted. James seemed beside himself with joy, he barely stopped smiling. Lily’s stomach protruded beneath her blouse, she was radiant with joy as she ran her hand over her bump in a loving gesture. They sat around talking and laughing happily when there was a knock on the door, James stood to go get it and Lily and Sirius heard him speaking to someone. The door closed and James entered followed by a very grave looking Dumbledore.

“Albus, how wonderful to see you.” Lily said and stood. “Would you like some tea?”

“I would, very much…but if you don’t mind I wish to speak to you and your husband a moment…”

Sirius heard a dismissal when he heard it, he stood. “I’ll go make it.” He smiled at Lily and as he passed James he squeezed his shoulder gently. He stood out in the kitchen as the kettle boiled, he could only hear the soft murmur of voices from the living room and he wondered what could be so important that Sirius could not be there. He waved his wand lazily, making cups and saucers fly out of cupboards as he yawned. Once the tea was made and set neatly on a tray the living room door opened to reveal James looking white beneath the shock of black hair. “James?” Sirius asked, he stepped forward as James looked as if he was going to collapse, gently Sirius guided him to a chair and sat him down. “What happened?” He asked, crouching before him and gazing up into wide hazel eyes.

“Dumbledore just told us that…that Voldemort is…he’s going to come after my child!” He gave Sirius a desperate look and Sirius reached up, slowly running his fingers through James’ hair.

“Why would he do that? He’s an evil bastard but it seems like a waste of time to take out a harmless kid.”

James shook his head quickly. “No…there’s a reason…he seems to think that my child is going to become some kind of savoir and find a way to kill him. He wants to eliminate him before he has a chance to grow up…” His face twisted in agony. “I’ve only just got my family, Siri…I-I…I don’t know what to do!”

Sirius pulled James’ face to his so their foreheads touched, he smiled softly. “Do you trust me, James?” He whispered. James nodded without hesitation. “Then trust me when I say Remus and I will never, ever allow any harm to come to you or your family. James, I love you and any son of yours is as good as my own son. I will die to protect any one of you, is that understood?” He opened his eyes and looked into his boyfriends.

“Yes…yes I know…” James took a shaky breath and a firm set came to his mouth. “We’ll have to hide…Lily and I aren’t strong enough to take on Voldemort alone. He’ll most likely come to us…”

“I would recommend the Fidelius Charm.” Dumbledore appeared in the doorway and smiled at the two young men. “I know a rather lovely village where you will be able to set up home in relative peace, we will of course keep a very close on you.”

James sat up straight and nodded. “Who will be Secret keeper?”

“I am more than willing to offer up my services, if you wish.”

James considered a moment before smiling. “Lily and I appreciate the offer, Albus but we wouldn’t want to overburden you.” Slowly his eyes turned to Sirius who was gathering up the tea and moving towards the living room. “I think I already have a candidate in mind.”

Dumbledore followed James’ gaze, Sirius seemed utterly oblivious as he pushed open the door and went into the living room. Once he was out of ear shot Albus turned his eyes back to James. “I would like to give you a word of caution, James.”

James nodded. “Of course, we trust your opinion.”

Dumbledore graciously inclined his head at the compliment. “I would think carefully upon your choice in this matter, there are some people who appear trustworthy on the outside but would turn their colours as easily as we turn our pillows. Do not be too hasty to place your life, and the lives of others at the mercy of just anyone. Do you understand?”

James’ face broke out into a smile. “Are you saying I shouldn’t trust Sirius? He’s my best friend! I’d trust him not only with my own life but with Lily’s and that of my unborn child.”

Dumbledore gazed at him gravely. “I hope that in this you are right, however I warn you now that we have a spy in our midst.”

James went pale at that, his eyes narrowed. “Who?” he whispered.

“I do not know yet, I only say this to ensure you do not act too hastily.”

Slowly James nodded. “I’ll take it into consideration, thank you Albus.”

They had tea and spoke of meaningless things before Albus excused himself and James saw him to the door. Lily lifted her eyes to Sirius who was staring off into the distance, slowly she stood and sat at his side. “Sirius?”

“Yeah?” He turned his handsome head and looked at her as James entered, she took his hand in her own and gazed into his eyes.

“Would you do anything for us?” She asked softly.

Sirius smiled easily. “I’d die for you all.” He said and never had he meant anything more.

She glanced at her husband as James watched nervously. “Then…we would ask you to do something for us…this isn’t a task to be taken on lightly and we hate to put you at risk but we have no other choice.” Sirius began to get an inkling as to what they were talking about, he began to frown. “Would you become our secret keeper?”

Sirius looked at James before disengaging his hand from Lily’s, very slowly he stood up and moved to the fireplace where the fire crackled merrily. He looked at the pictures in their frames lined up on the mantle piece, his eyes landed on one showing four boys wrestling on a bed. He picked it up and stared for a long time, keeping his back to his friends. He could almost hear the laughter of those boys, as if time was merely an illusion. He took a shuddery breath and closed his eyes. “How do you know I won’t rat you out as soon as I’m threatened with torture?” He whispered.

James shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Because I know you.” He said simply. “You’re brave, you’re kind and you’re so bloody loyal you would die rather than betray us.”

“You can’t trust anyone.” Sirius said abruptly, the photograph fell from numb fingers back to the mantel piece. “I have been tortured before and I don’t have any wish to experience it again, I would like to think I wouldn’t betray you but I…I don’t know.” Slowly he turned and faced his friends, his eyes moved from Lily and came to rest on James. “As soon as it is discovered that you and Lily have gone into hiding Voldemort will know exactly who has become your secret keeper! He will hunt me down and eventually he would catch me, no matter where I would go he would find me. Then he’ll let my cousins…he’ll let them have me…” A shiver of fear ran up his spine as he imagined what Bella and the others would do to him. “They’d probably have me screaming the location before I know it…and then what? Then they’d kill you and it would be my fault.” Slowly he shook his head, his fingers tightened where they rested on the mantel piece. “I love you…both of you and I’d never want to hurt you, even if it was accidentally. No…there must be someone else.”

Lily looked sadly at Sirius, she could see a deep seated fear in his eyes. He never showed this fear during battle and she wandered just what he was afraid of. “Sirius…” She said slowly, he looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “What are you afraid of? What has you so terrified that you can’t become our secret keeper?”

Sirius closed his eyes and took a shuddery breath. “You know that…that when I was sixteen I left home?”

“Yes, it was hardly a secret.” Lily replied and when Sirius looked at her again she saw an agony in his eyes that scared her. They were dark eyes, haunted by some terrible experience that had shattered him into pieces. Her heart ached for him and she bit her lower lip.

“I left home because my parents discovered I was gay, they found out and I was…I was tortured. They cut me, gouging foul words into my skin and cursed me until I nearly went insane…of more insane than I already am. My cousins were there, my parents left me with Bella and her husband. I was at their mercy for a long time, I still don’t know exactly how long…those moments haunt my dreams.” He gazed absently into the fire, his hair falling in front of his eyes. “I begged them to kill me…but they never did. I was…” He trailed off into silence before taking a shuddery breath and shaking himself back into the present. “That is why we need to devise a more clever plan…something the Death Eaters and Voldemort will not be expecting…” He considered a moment, once again his eyes landing on the photograph. He saw Peter on the edge of their boy-huddle, his eyes shining with joy as he was included in the moment. Something clicked in his head and a grin plastered its self across his face. “Jamie, Lily…I think I have a plan!”

XXX

The house was full of boxes and packaging, Lily and James had only just moved in. It was a nice house with a warm, homely feeling that made Sirius feel happy. He gazed around at the place with curiosity when James arrived carrying another box. “This is the last of it I think.” He said as he put the box on top of some others and wiped his brow, he smiled at Sirius who returned it. “Peter’s arriving soon.”

“Good, as soon as Lily and Peter are here we can get on with it.” Sirius smiled. “Don’t look so worried James, my plan will work, trust me.”

“I do. More than you know.” James smiled.

Later they stood in the small, cosy living room surrounded by the light of candles. Peter stood before James looking terrified as Sirius held his wand in one hand. “Right…let’s do this.” He said slowly. “Peter, take James’ hand.” Peter lifted his hand and hesitated.

“No one is going to force you to do this, Peter.” Lily said softly from where she sat on the sofa.

Peter glanced at her then away again, he eyed James’ hand warily before taking a shuddery breath and taking it limply in his own. He felt terror flare through every cell in his body, what he was doing was suicide! He would surely die! Everyone would know it was him who was secret keeper! None of Sirius’ assurances could ease the terror. He knew James and Lily were doomed, anyone who had Vodemort as a personal enemy was. As he lifted his eyes to look at James he knew with a sudden certainty that his last protection was going to die. He had no one else. He would be vulnerable. Sirius lifted his wand over their clasped hands and began chanting softly under his breath, a phrase in Latin, over and over again; Verum hic remanebit, nec audietur ultra loqueris; The truth shall remain with this one, no other shall hear of it or speak of it.

As Sirius spoke a golden light began to emanate from Peter’s and James’ clasped hands, Peter had the sudden urge to break the bond as fear swept through turning rapidly to utter panic but when he tried he couldn’t release James. He was stuck. He now only had one course of action. Peter gazed at his hand, it began to tingle, the feeling spreading rapidly through his body as the magic washed over him. Sirius chanted softly all the while.

Lily gazed at the scene before her, a secret pact being made in a home she barely knew. She shivered as all the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, her hand came to rest over her belly protectively and she chewed on her bottom lip.

Sirius’ chant came to a stop, he looked up and caught peter’s eye. They gazed at each other in silence for a long moment, the air heavy with what they had just done. Sirius felt his hackles rise, his body tensed as he saw a dark look cross his friends face. Somewhere, in the depths of his mind he heard a whisper; It should have been you. Briefly he saw the flash of a dream he had had long ago, a dream he had forgotten; A house in darkness, the thatch falling in on one side. The scent of destruction and death permeating the air…a soul destroying grief…the terror…the pain…the rage…

Abruptly Sirius stepped back and uttered a soft gasp, he shattered the eye contact with peter and blinked away the remnants of the dream. He was being stupid. Peter was a coward, he would be too terrified to tell anyone about what they had done. With that thought he forced away all else and smiled at James.

XXX

James lay in bed, his wife curled up at his side. He ran fingers through her lovely hair and kissed her temple. “We’ll be ok, Lily.” He whispered to her in the dark. “I promise I will protect you.”

Lily smiled sleepily. “I know.”

“I love you.” He reached around her and ran his hand over the swell of her stomach beneath her night gown. “I love this little one too…more than any words can describe.”

“It’s a boy.” Lily replied with a certainty.

“What makes you say that?”

She shrugged. “I just know…”

James paused thoughtfully, still running his hand over her belly in a soothing motion. “Harry.” He breathed, his breath brushing Lily’s ear so she shuddered. He felt her hand cover his own and their fingers entwined.

“Harry.” Lily agreed and her smile widened.

XXX

Sirius gazed up at his ceiling, he lay in bed with a cigarette dangling from his lips and his eyes squinting against the steady stream of smoke. He had a bandage wrapped firmly around his torso, his wrist too. Absently he scratched at his belly and took a long drag on his cigarette.

“You were injured again?” Remus said from his doorway. As usual Sirius lay in the dark, he wore nothing but his pants and a t-shirt. Remus eyed the wounds warily. “Where are you getting these from?”

“I get attacked.” Sirius replied in a smoke roughened voice.

Remus shook his head slowly. “You should be more careful…if you’re the Potters’ secret keeper then you’re essential to their survival I-”

“I know what I’m doing, Remus.” Sirius said abruptly, cutting him off.

Remus frowned at the anger in his voice. “Are you alright?”

Sirius pushed both hands into his hair and closed his eyes tightly. “I’ve made a mistake.” He breathed.

“What do you mean?” Remus sounded wary, his eyes narrowed. “Sirius?”

“Nothing. I didn’t mean a thing…I’m tired…” He leaned over and stubbed his cigarette out in an ashtray on his bed before rolling onto his side and sighing.

“Ok…good night then.” Remus moved away, he took a glance back into Sirius’ darkened room and saw him clutching a pillow to his chest as he bowed his head. His whole body shook, Remus could see he was distressed by something. A dark thought occurred to him, suddenly; Had Sirius put Lily and James in danger?

XXX

Sirius woke with his heart hammering violently in his chest, he gazed up at his ceiling with wide, terror filled eyes. The nightmare had been so vivid but he could barely remember it now, only the fear, pain and anguish remained. “I’ve made a mistake.” He whispered to the ceiling and shook his head violently, he shoved fingers into his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. What mistake had he made? Why was he plagued by these random feelings? Why was he haunted by a nightmare he could never remember? “Jamie…” He whispered and covered his face with shaking hands. “Jamie.”

XXX

“James…you can’t seriously be thinking of going out!” Lily stared at her husband with wide eyes.

“I have to Lil’s…this place is driving me insane! I have to get out…I won’t be gone long, I promise you.”

“But we’re in hiding!” Lily said, her eyes full of fear as she covered her ever growing belly with one hand. They stood in the hall way of their new home, now fully settled in. James smiled and walked over to her, he dropped to his knees and covered her belly with his hand as he rested his face against it.

“I love you, Lily potter. I won’t be hurt or caught. I promise…I have this.” He held up his invisibility cloak. Lily sighed and relaxed slightly as James began humming to his child, rubbing his hand across the swollen skin tenderly. He smiled and closed his eyes. “Good bye, Harry Potter…Daddy will be back, he promises. He’s got to make sure you grow into a fine young man. I love you.”

Lily couldn’t help but smile at the scene fondly; James stood and took her into his arms. “James, you’re a fool.”

“A fool you married.” He replied teasingly, he kissed her soundly on the lips and drew away. “I won’t be long, I just need some air before this place drives me insane!”

“Ok, just don’t take off the cloak!”

“I promise.” He threw the cloak over his shoulders and gave her one last grin before disappearing completely. The door opened of its own accord and Lily watched it close again, she covered the bump and sighed.

“Your father is an idiot, Harry. Please don’t grow up as reckless as him.”

XXX

Sirius stood in the graveyard, he eyed the graves absently, barely taking in the names on them. He was being stupid, he knew it. He was putting people at great risk by being here but he couldn’t keep away any longer. Going to James’ house was a bad idea, he didn’t wish to give any potential stalker any clue as to where the house lay. He and James had used code to arrange a meeting place, he only hoped James had the sense to use the cloak. As he wandered the graveyard he heard footsteps behind him, he spun around and lifted his wand only to find nothing there. He frowned until his eyes landed upon an area where the grass was dented, he smiled as James revealed himself. Without thought they threw themselves into each other’s arms, Sirius’ arms surrounding his boyfriend tightly as if he was afraid it was a mirage. They pulled away from each other to breathe and pressed their foreheads against each other with soft, loving smiles. “I love you, James.” Sirius whispered.

“I love you too, Sirius.” James replied.
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Amore et Amicitia