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Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Fifty-Five: Aeternitas (Eternity)

Sirius! Get here now! It’s happened!

Sirius clutched the letter in his hand as he walked through the streets of the sleepy little village, it was dark and he had his hood covering his face. He had received it during dinner and as soon as he had read it he and Remus had been out the door. He hadn’t seen James in some months, he had been busy for the Order. They were being hunted, Voldemort was growing bolder with every passing day and Sirius had become a prime target. He began to become withdrawn from the others, he found himself becoming suspicious of everything, every tiny hint of guilt made him nervous. He spent his nights sat in one corner of his bedroom, smoking and drinking his way into oblivion. It was his only coping mechanism without James’ embrace. He hunched his shoulders as Remus hurried along at his side, one hand deep in his pocket and Sirius knew he had a hand on his wand. There had been a dark tension between them, for months they had barely spoken more than two words to one another, Sirius had begun to become suspicious even of Remus. Peter was too weak, Peter would never betray them…but someone was. Someone was telling Voldemort their plans. Someone had told them that they would be protecting a prominent Ministry member last week, the result had led to the deaths of several good people and many innocent muggles. Remus was withdrawn, his eyes dark and haunted, he spent too much time in the company of the wolves and he was becoming strange. Sirius couldn’t, wouldn’t trust this change…even though with every passing moment he could feel himself being torn to shreds because of it.

Together they walked in silence, constantly on guard. Their eyes leapt at every shadow, every cat or other animal made them draw their wands but they weren’t being followed, or so they hoped. The Potters’ cottage was as nice as it had been when they had first moved in, Sirius took a moment to stand at the gate and gaze up at it. For a split second he saw a horrible vision overlay it’s self across the reality; a corner of the house missing, the straw thatch piled in a smouldering heap in the little garden, a scorch mark on the door. The gate swinging aimlessly in the wind…he shivered and clutched his wand tighter as he shook himself free of the disturbing image. They entered the garden and knocked on the door, after a moment it was opened by a pale looking James. He gazed at them before smiling nervously; his hair was messier than ever from where he had obviously been running his fingers through it. “Come in…it’s so good to see you!” He said with obvious relief. “I’ve been tearing my hair out in worry!”

Sirius smiled and stepped into the house, he pulled down his hood and revealed his face. He heard James utter a gasp of shock and Sirius smiled at him. “It’s nothing.”

“That is not nothing! Sirius what happened?!” James stared at the bruising on the side of his boyfriends face in horror.

“I got into a spat with some Death Eaters, barely got away.” Sirius shrugged and hung his cloak up on the rack. “I’m ok, I’m alive.”

James took a shuddery breath before throwing his arms around Sirius and yanking him close by his hair, he pressed their foreheads together and they took a moment to share a few breaths. “Don’t put yourself in needless danger…not for us.”

“Jamie? You’re my lover, my friend…I’d die for you.” Sirius replied and kissed him on the side of the mouth tenderly.

Remus cleared his throat, alerting them to his presence. “Is Lily ok?”

“Oh, yes…the Midwife’s up there with her now.” James grinned, a stupid, giddy kind of grin that made him look five years younger. “She was screaming not long before you called, cursing me with all kinds of unimaginable things.” He laughed nervously. “I’ve been too afraid to go up there.”

As if on cue they heard a sky shattering scream; “James Potter I’m going fucking kill you! YOU GOT ME INTO THIS!”

James flinched and laughed again, his hand going to his hair once again. Sirius chuckled. “Sounds like she might murder you if you did go up there.”

“Exactly…” James smiled.

“She’ll be alright James, she’s strong.” Remus said with a smile.

James nodded. “I know, I’m not afraid for her…I’m afraid for myself! If she stays this angry at me I’m worried that my manhood won’t be where it belongs in the morning.” He grimaced.

“JAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!” Lily screeched again and then everything went silent for a second, the three boys stood anxiously in the hall way as they listened intently. And then they heard it. The sound James had been simultaneously dreading and yet hoping for…the sound of a baby crying.

“Oh…oh fuck…” James gasped, he stumbled into the wall, one hand gripping Sirius’ as they looked at each other. “I-I…I’m a father…”

Sirius smiled at him, he felt joy fill his heart. James was meant for this, this was his calling. Yet there was bitterness in his smile, a grief tingeing his joy. He had always known that the day James’ son was born was the day James would no longer have time for him, their love would be put on hold until James slowly grew out of it. And then what would Sirius do? He knew the answer to that instantly; he would continue to guard James. He would guard him, his son and his wife until the day he died.

James turned towards the stairs, he glanced back at his friends and they nodded to him. He swallowed nervously and began making his way upwards, his hands shook slightly with nerves and excitement. Would he make a good father? Would he love the child as he should? Would the child like him? The questions, along with many others rushed through his mind as he stepped towards the bedroom door. He paused before pushing it open and peered into the room, he was hit by the strong smell of blood and sweat but when his eyes landed on the scene before him all cares were wiped away.

Lily lay in bed, her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat, her cheeks flushed with strain and tears. Yet she smiled. She smiled down at a crimson clad bundle resting in her arms, slowly James crept forward, the Midwife turned to him and smiled. “A beautiful baby boy.” She said softly. James glanced at her and nodded, he was afraid to open his mouth in case he vomited. He reached the bed and Lily turned her eyes on him, he felt his stomach swoop and his heart skip a beat; she had never looked so beautiful. Slowly she turned the bundle and pushed back the coverings. James gazed down at the baby for a good long minute before it began to register. He wasn’t expecting it, the emotion overwhelmed him and he abruptly began crying. He couldn’t stop it.

Lily’s smile widened. “Our son.” She whispered. The child had a head of pitch black hair, his face was squashed and wrinkly and his tiny little hands were clenched into fists by his head.

“H-Harry…” James whispered and reached out, gently he ran a finger down his satiny smooth cheek and to his surprise the baby opened his eyes. “Oh…” James breathed, tears streaming down his cheeks, Harry Potter had eyes as green as emeralds. “He’s…he’s perfect…Lily…”

Sirius stood in the door way, he gazed at the tender scene before him and felt pain and elation lance his heart at the same time. His hand gripped the door frame as Remus came to stand at his side. James sat beside his wife; he held his son in his arms and cried silently as he gazed at him. “You did good Jamie.” Sirius whispered softly, Remus turned to him and their eyes met briefly before they shared the first smile they had shared in a long time.

James slowly tore his eyes away from his son and grinned when he spotted his best friends at the door, he wiped his face on his sleeve and beckoned them inside the room. Remus stepped in and went to his side, Sirius hesitated. “Come on, Padfoot…come greet Harry.” James said quietly, beside him Lily slept soundly.

Sirius moved forward cautiously and stood awkwardly at the bedside. Remus gazed down at the bundle with a kind, loving smile on his lips. “Hello Harry, it’s wonderful to meet you after all this time.” He said and stroked the baby’s head. “He’s so tiny…”

James looked up at Sirius and suddenly lifted the child out to him. “Here.” He held the baby under the head and bum as he squirmed, kicking his legs and making soft sucking noises. Sirius shook his head rapidly, eyes widening.

“I’ll drop him! I’ll break him…he’s so delicate I can’t…”

James stood up, careful not to disturb Lily before walking towards his best friend and pushing the baby into his arms. “Harry James Potter, meet your Godfather; Sirius Black.”

Sirius’ eyes widened even further, his jaw dropped so he stood gaping like a fool. “You what?”

“I mean it. Lily and I discussed it and we both agree you are most suited to taking care of him if we…well, if something happens.”

Remus frowned slightly but said nothing, he watched Sirius’ reaction; he looked from James to the child in his arms and back again. Doubt clouded his eyes and he chewed his lip nervously. “Jamie…you’re a fool if you think that I could look after a child! I can’t even look after myself!”

“I have faith in you, Sirius.” James said firmly, his eyes had a determined gleam that told him in no uncertain terms he wasn’t going to change his mind.

Finally Sirius caved. “Alright…but this means I’ll have to make doubly sure you don’t go getting yourself killed…and if you do I’ll never forgive you!” He smiled weakly as he said it. He looked down into Harry’s face, his eyes were open and he wiggled as he gazed up at him with mild curiosity. “My Godson…” He breathed and a smile crossed his face, gently he wrapped the baby up tighter in his blanket. James gazed at the scene, he had never seen Sirius look so happy, even with the horrible bruising on his face his eyes glittered with joy. “He’ll need a nickname.” Sirius said suddenly.

“He will, he’s a Marauder after all.” James replied.

Tenderly Sirius held Harry up, cupping the back of his head and gazed at him. “Prongslet.” He said softly.

Sirius stayed for the whole weekend, he hung around Harry like a shadow he was captivated by the tiny little person. He had never seen a new born baby and it fascinated him, he found himself lurking in the doorway while Lily was laying Harry down to sleep or burping him, he would watch and wonder if his mother had ever been so tender when he had just been born. One day while Lily was out in the garden putting up some clean nappies to dry on the line Harry began to cry, Sirius ran up the stairs and got there before anyone else. He found Harry lying in his cot with a face as red as a tomato. It was the most natural thing in the world for him to reach in and pull him from his bed, he held him close and began jigging him gently. He was so absorbed in the task that he failed to notice James standing in the door way watching, Remus at his side. Automatically Sirius began to sing;

Au clair de la lune mon ami pierrot, prêtes-moi ta plume pour écrire un mot, ma chandelle est morte, je n'ai plus de feu, ouvres-moi ta porte, pour l'amour de Dieu. Au clair de la lune, pierrot répondit: “je n'ai pas de plume, je suis dans mon lit vas chez la voisine, je crois qu'elle y est car dans sa cuisine, on bat le briquette.”**

Harry immediately quieted and Sirius began muttering to him in French, his speech was rapid and fluent without the slightest hint of his English accent. Remus looked slightly surprised but James smiled, he leaned close and whispered; “He spoke French at his old home with his Uncle Alphard, apparently his family are related to some old French aristocrats so it’s his second language.”

“Il n’est pas poli de chouchoter derriere le dos de quelqu’un, James.”** Sirius said quietly, he turned and grinned over his shoulder at them.

James chuckled and moved into the room, “He liked it.” He said softly as he looked down at his son lying in the arms of his lover. “He likes you too.”

Sirius smiled softly at the baby and smoothed an errant strand of hair from the child’s eyes. “I think I may like him too.”

XXX

Sirius stood by the gate and lit his cigarette, he blew smoke from his lungs and gazed around the dark, empty street. It was completely at odds with London, which was hectic and full of people at all hours of the day and night. He sighed and felt arms slide around his waist. “I don’t want you to leave.” James breathed into his ear, Sirius leaned back into that comforting warmth.

“We both know I have to.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” James replied sulkily. “I miss you…I hardly see you anymore and I…I just want to go back to how things were.”

Sirius opened his eyes and looked up at the night sky. “They never will be, you have a son now Jamie…” He turned around in the circle of his boyfriends arms and put the tips of his cold fingers to his cheek, they pressed their foreheads together. “You have to grow up and stop living in a past that was little more than a dream…You have a wife and a child and I…I have nothing. You have prospects…I have an early grave.” He stepped back and looked at his best friend for a long time, ensuring that he sealed his face into his mind forever. “I love you, James but this…us…can’t go on and you know it.”

James shook his head slowly and leaned against the gate, he looked down at his clasped hands with a frown on his face. “When Lily said what she did I thought that we’d be together forever…”

“It was a dream…” Sirius replied and pushed hands into his pocket, a wind picked up his hair and brought the scent of summer with it. “A beautiful dream but a dream none the less. Two men in our world can’t have a relationship, it was doomed from the very beginning.”

“And what does this mean for you? What will you do?”

Sirius gazed around, the houses small and quiet as they loomed over the cobbled streets. “What I’ve always done, James…be at your side…for eternity.”

James snorted. “Eternity? That’s a long time. Can you live without the companionship of another person for that long?”

Sirius smiled and shrugged. “It’ll drive me insane, but I’d sacrifice anything for you. Even my sanity.”

James pushed Sirius’ head and laughed. “What sanity?” They both laughed then, but it was an empty sound that held little mirth. Sirius knew his life would be short, somehow he had known since he had been a teenager but he didn’t want James’ life to end so he would use up what little time he had left trying to protect him. James watched his best friend, his lover of many years gaze up at the sky, he had hair falling into his eyes and James felt his heart race as he stared at the lines of that familiarly beautiful face. “You don’t have to do this, Sirius.” He said softly, his voice taking on a hopeless tone. His heart sank as moonlight eyes landed on him.

Sirius moved close and slipped a hand into the hair at the back of James’ head, he kissed his forehead and let a small, shaky sigh escape his lips. “It’s really for the best isn’t it? This war’s going to kill me, I know it will…don’t ask how or why I just…I know. I can’t do that to you, better we break it off now, while it’s good. Better to give Harry a normal family environment to grow up in…better for everyone.”

“But I…”

Sirius cut him off with a kiss, their lips parting at the same moment and Sirius accepted James’ tongue. He moaned softly into the kiss and let familiar heat wash through him. “I’ll miss you.” He breathed as he pulled away, reluctantly he released James’ hair and stepped back. He smiled weakly before opening the gate and walking through it. “I’ll update you in letters and stuff, and I except regular updates on what you’re doing…I…James I’m sorry.” He hung his head before shaking it and withdrawing his wand, he took one last long look at James and felt his heart skip in his chest. The moonlight flashed off of his glasses as he leaned on the gate, his hands clasped in front of him. He could feel those eyes on him and he closed his eyes, searing the image into his memory forever. “See you around, Prongs.”
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Amore et Amicitia