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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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LOST AND DAMNED

You Blushed and Smiled and Said You Would Stay

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"Ahh, good evening, Minerva! To what do I owe this pl-Oh, why you have brought Severus and Harry along with you."

Harry smiled nervously as he appeared in the doorway of Dumbledore's office, his eyes still wide and finding it incredibly hard to move his body. He felt like he might vomit or pass out or something. Dumbledore's smile seemed to lose some of its light as he looked carefully between the three of them.

"Albus," McGonagall began, "I caught Professor Snape behaving very inappropriately towards Mr. Potter."

Severus's hand on his back was a small comfort and he walked as the man urged him forward, letting himself be steered into a seat in front of Dumbledore's desk. Harry looked back to see Severus, but his face was as frighteningly blank as ever.

"Inappropriate, you say?" Dumbledore said, his smile fading entirely. He gave Harry and Severus a look that immediately made Harry feel awful.

"Will you tell him or shall I, Severus?" McGonagall demanded harshly.

"By all means, you were doing a wonderful job, Minerva," Severus said smoothly.

"Have you no shame in what you've done?" McGonagall snapped.

"What has he done to require such shame, Minerva?" Dumbledore asked.

"I walked in upon him kissing and groping young Mr. Potter!" McGonagall exclaimed. "It was entirely indecent!"

"I see," Dumbledore said quietly. He fell silent, looking between the occupants of his office, looking very thoughtful.

"You see?" demanded McGonagall. "Do something, Albus!" She turned to glower at Severus. "And you, Severus…I honestly expected better of you! He's but a boy!"

"I'm right here," Harry grunted. "And I really wish people would stop calling me a 'boy'."

"You are only sixteen!" McGonagall said.

"I'm old enough to make my own choices!" Harry snapped, feeling very uncomfortable, feeling like they thought of him as some child. He especially didn't think Severus would like that idea very much.

"Potter," Severus said in a warning tone.

"Sixteen," muttered McGonagall.

"Sixteen…and survived more than any sixteen year old should," Dumbledore said quietly after a moment, his voice almost a whisper, but capturing the attention of the entire room, portraits and all. "Harry and Severus both have suffered a great deal in their lives, and are still today sacrificing much of themselves for this cause. I care for them both deeply, as sons, Minerva," Dumbledore explained just as quietly. "They fell in love at the end of last year and, I must admit, I was disturbed and wary upon learning this. Seeing how miserable they were apart, however, I changed my mind. I confess, Severus might be right…Perhaps I am a romantic, sentimental old fool," Dumbledore chuckled. "But I believe they both deserve love and happiness, more than almost anyone. I trust them both not to go too far, but I cannot truly punish them for expressing their affections."

Harry was a bit relieved that Dumbledore was sticking up for them to McGonagall, but he couldn't rest easy just yet. He glanced from Dumbledore's apologetic face to McGonagall's stunned expression to Severus's glare. It didn't surprise him that Severus wasn't happy; he didn't think Severus wanted to tell anyone how he felt himself, let alone have someone else do it for him. He looked like he had quite a few comments in mind, but he said nothing and let Dumbledore take control of the situation.

"Be that as it may," McGonagall said after a long few silent minutes, "that Harry Potter is still a boy. There are rules in place, Albus…"

"As I am well aware, Minerva," Dumbledore said, bowing his head. "But this is not a matter of physical pleasure, it is a matter of the heart. It is something they both deserve, Minerva, and I hope you trust me enough to let me make the decisions in this matter."

"Of course I trust you, headmaster," McGonagall said, sounding almost offended by the question of it.

"Thank you, Minerva," Dumbledore said. "Now…I believe Harry to be old enough to consent to a relationship with the man or woman he loves. I also trust them to be discreet with this matter and I would deeply appreciate your own discretion."

"I…Of course, Albus," McGonagall said, though she, like Severus, looked like she had plenty more in mind to say.

"Thank you, Minerva," Dumbledore said with a nod of his head. "Unless there is something else you'd like to say, I do have a few things I need to speak with Severus and Harry about."

McGonagall bowed her head and turned around, giving Severus a sharp glare as she walked out of the room. Harry had a bad feeling they would both be getting long talks from McGonagall sometime soon. Harry was surprised, but relieved, that McGonagall seemed accepting of Dumbledore's words and that Dumbledore had defended them. That serious look on Dumbledore's face, though, didn't bode well. He found it hard to look at the headmaster's face and instead looked at the wall and the desk, glancing over when he felt Severus move into the chair beside him.

"It is…relieving to hear that you have made up," Dumbledore began. "I am, at least, assuming that is what has happened. I doubt it is good for either of you to continue kissing if you are not serious about one another."

"We made up…We're okay now," Harry said, glancing from Severus to Dumbledore's general area.

"Good, good," Dumbledore said. "Now…While I am pleased that you have reconciled, I must ask you both to take more caution in your time together. Professor McGonagall is one thing, but I would not advise you to risk anyone else catching you. There is only so much I will be able to do if you take that risk."

"I apologize for our carelessness, headmaster," Severus said stiffly. "We will be sure to take extra precaution. It will never happen again."

"Good," said Dumbledore. "Remember, it's not me who has everything to risk. I cannot stress enough how bad things can be if you are found. I care about you both a great deal and I will always do what I can for you…But even I cannot interfere too much with these things. I put a great deal of trust in you both in allowing you to pursue a relationship, and I would be very disappointed if you continued to be imprudent when it comes to your time together."

"Yes, sir…Sorry, sir," Harry said, feeling hot, horrible shame wash over him at not only Dumbledore's words but that quiet, disappointed tone.

"Of course, headmaster," said Severus.

Dumbledore just watched them for a moment and Harry finally dared to look up at him. Harry didn't know what to make of the look on his face, but he didn't like it.

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Severus was silent the entire walk back to the dungeons and Harry had no idea how to break it. It had been impossible to read Severus at all since McGonagall had caught them, and it worried Harry to no end. They had just fixed things up between them, surely that hadn't ended already. The quiet became almost unbearable, but after having been caught by McGonagall already, Harry figured it was not a conversation safe for the Hogwarts corridors. His anxiousness grew with every step he took, feeling like he might soon burst if they didn't get this over with soon.

Finally, though, they arrived to the dungeons and Harry hurried into Severus's office, turning to face the man, mouth opened to speak, though he paused as Severus began putting up the silencing charms and locking charms he usually did before their lessons. Harry closed his mouth and swallowed hard, shifting on his feet every few seconds and waiting for what felt like forever until Severus was finally done.

"Are you okay?" Harry immediately asked.

"Do I look okay, Potter?" Severus demanded, glaring at him.

Harry sighed heavily. "Not this again."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "What precisely do you mean, Potter?"

"This whole 'Potter' business," Harry muttered. "Look, Dumbledore helped us out and McGonagall's not gonna go against him…We're fine, you don't have to act like this."

"This could cost me my job, Potter. If I lose my job, that will compromise my role as a spy, especially if they cart me off to Azkaban for statutory rape!" Severus snarled.

"Only if we're not careful!" Harry snapped. "I apologize for not asking if you had put up all of these stupid charms first!"

"They are not stupid, Potter, they are for our protection!" Severus retorted. "It is not strictly your fault…I have blame in this as well. For not remembering…for giving into temptation and allowing this to even happen…"

"Don't say that," Harry demanded angrily. He was more frustrated than anything, suddenly panicked that Severus was trying to end things. Hadn't he dealt with enough already? Didn't they deserve to be happy now? "Don't make this sound like a mistake, because it's not."

Severus sneered. "Maybe you want me to be fired, hmm?"

"Merlin, would you just listen?" Harry said. "I don't want you to get fired…I wouldn't mind you never having to go back to Voldemort again, but I understand that you…that you need to. And I wouldn't ever want you to risk…to risk getting hurt, but…we've already crossed that line, Severus. We've been fine up until now, but…but you weren't even expecting anything would happen so…We'll just be more careful."

"This is not like Minerva is the first to discover us, Harry," Severus said quietly. "You were foolish enough to allow Theodore Nott to overhear your conversation with Draco and Granger. Remember?"

Harry actually hadn't remembered that until Severus brought it up. Harry was quiet for a moment while he got his thoughts to catch back up to him. "I…I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. We'll be more careful."

"You're sixteen!" Severus said, voice just as low as he walked around to sit behind his desk. "You should not have to be in this sort of relationship."

"What sort of relationship?" Harry demanded. "One that takes a little effort? Most relationships are going to have some sort of issues to work through! You're thirty six, you shouldn't have to deal with having a…a…secret! A secret relationship. No more than I should…And I don't want to end it. I think it's worth all of the trouble. Look, we just fixed things up, don't let McGonagall ruin it for us."

Severus sighed heavily and stared at Harry for a few silent moments. Harry stood under his gaze uncertainly, though he tried to stand tall and appear more confident than he actually felt. He did not want Severus getting any ideas that he couldn't handle this or that he was having any doubts at all.

"There are plenty of people your own age, you know…People you could actually chance being seen with," Severus finally said.

"No, I couldn't," Harry argued. "You think I could get close to anyone? I would have to hide things with anyone I was with so Voldemort wouldn't hurt them! So reporters don't hound them! So…A lot of things! No matter who I was with, it would be the same thing…Almost, but you know what I mean…It would not be easy and it would never be normal. And I love you…I don't want anyone else, Severus. Stop trying to change my mind about us, because I won't. You said you were going to try to stop pushing me away."

"I would break even that promise if it meant what was best for you," Severus told him, voice so quiet and that gaze and tone filled with so much…intensity and love that it shocked him. Almost immediately Severus looked away and looked as uncomfortable as he always did when he expressed a bit more than he liked. Harry shifted where he stood awkwardly again, not sure what to say or do and suddenly overwhelmed by the knowledge that Severus really, truly did love him and was willing to do so much for him. Everything about him when he spoke those words promised so much and it was amazing.

"I…" Harry began, though he wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to respond. He felt it was a bit wrong to just ignore how serious a thing it was, but he didn't think acknowledging his feelings on the matter would do much for either of them. "What's best for me is for you to stop trying to…to end things or whatever. I want to be here, with you…If we have to watch everything we say or do just to…to be together, then I…I'll do it. I want to. I've never…I just…I'm not ready to give this up just yet."

Severus smirked, but he didn't seem very amused. "Just yet?"

"It's yet to be determined how long I can put up with your…grouchy, sarcastic meanness," Harry said with a smile.

"As I have yet to determine how long I can put up with your foolish, reckless annoyingness," Severus replied.

"But you're willing to try, right?" Harry said.

Severus snorted. "He takes no subtle hints," he muttered. "Yes, I am willing to try to put up with you."

"Right," Harry said with a grin, feeling immediate relief. "Good." He eagerly stepped forward and around the desk, climbing a bit awkwardly into Severus's lap (not an easy task in that chair), kissing him deeply. "So…uh…we never did get to have that make up sex."

Severus grinned. "Another time, perhaps. We already wasted your detention and you still have lessons, Potter."

"You can always…ah…teach me about…sex, you know. I still have a lot to learn there, right?" Harry suggested, though he slid out of Severus's lap reluctantly.

"There will be plenty of time to learn that particular skill later," Severus said, standing up as well. "As it is, I doubt you'll have any energy left for sex the time we're through."

"It's supposed to be the other way around, you know," Harry said as Severus turned to his wall to give the password. "You're supposed to wear me out so much during sex I can't do anything else."

"Another time, perhaps," Severus said with a smirk, opening the door as it appeared in the wall. "Let's just call this your punishment for all of your disrespect in my classroom."

"Well…That's just cruel," Harry muttered, following him in. As disappointing as it was to not be having sex, Harry found it hard to really be upset. After all, he had what he really wanted…He was back with his Severus and even being caught by McGonagall hadn't turned out too badly. Things could have been a lot worse than missing out on being fucked over Severus's desk. Harry doubted it would be his last opportunity to get make up sex, anyway.

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Lost and Damned