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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 56
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LOST AND DAMNED

The Mess Left From the Secrets That You Keep

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Bright and early Minerva McGonagall was standing inside of his office. Severus wasn't all that surprised to hear the loud knocking on his office door and hastily went to let the old witch in. "I'm surprised you did not pay me a visit earlier," Severus said, some slight annoyance as he walked around his desk to take a seat. "I anticipated to find you waiting here when I arrived back to the dungeons last night."

"Don't you smirk at me, Severus," Minerva warned, glare harsh. "I do not know what you had to do or say to get the headmaster to agree to such nonsense-"

"I doubt anyone could truly make that man think anything he wasn't already prepared to believe," Severus remarked. If she was suggesting he had done anything such as blackmail or using curses or potions to sway Albus, she was truly dense…But Minerva McGonagall knew Dumbledore better than almost anyone, trusted him completely, and knew too well of his skills to actually think something so ridiculous.

"I do not understand in the slightest why he is allowing this affair to continue! Great and wise he is, but even Albus Dumbledore makes mistakes, and this is a very big one!" Minerva exclaimed. "I can hardly believe him for letting this go on, but you! You…How could you, Severus? He's a boy! A sixteen year old boy! Men your age do not involve themselves with young boys and not expect some sort of…fornication to take place! He's twenty years younger than you! You cannot expect me to believe this relationship is of innocent love! I am not a foolish woman, Severus."

"Of course not," Severus said dully, wishing she would hurry up and get this over with. Severus felt guilty enough about his relationship with Harry without Minerva coming in and shoving its wrongness in his face. Then again, maybe that was exactly what he deserved.

"Have you nothing to say for yourself?" Minerva demanded.

"Nothing you would believe," Severus replied.

"Despite your past, I have always believed well of you…I trusted Albus and so I trusted you. You have never proven that belief wrong until now," Minerva said.

"It is relieving, then, that I have no care as to what you believe."

"I wouldn't expect you to, now that you have Albus's trust," Minerva said just as coldly as Severus was speaking. "However, I am not going to stand by and just turn a blind eye to this crime, no matter what Albus thinks. I will not stand against him, but believe me, Severus, I will do all that I can to protect Harry from you."

The last time Severus had seen such a strong look of disgust was many years ago from Albus Dumbledore when Severus had first come to him with his regrets for his actions and his fear for the life of Lily Potter. It was hard to take, especially knowing he deserved it. He knew how wrong it was to involve himself with a child. He had known all along…Had known before walking into this relationship with Harry. The immorality of it was a major reason Severus had tried for so long to push Harry away. He deserved every bit of what Minerva was dishing out, and probably so much worse.

Still, Minerva's words could not be enough to change anything. Severus had already sworn to do all he could to keep Harry happy, a promise that was hard to keep, but one he was determined to give his all. By now, Severus didn't think he could bear to let Harry go, even if it was for his own good. Severus had experienced life without Harry and it was not a good one. As annoying as the brat was and as often as they argued, Severus loved him deeply. He had never felt more alive or more happy than he did when he truly let himself be with Harry. The fact that such a strong, powerful, beautiful young man wanted him was astounding and it was a precious gift that Severus was not to take for granted.

What Minerva thought wouldn't change anything. She would try to keep Harry away from him, but she wasn't so cruel or sly or Slytherin enough to go too far in her attempts. She would never go against Albus and turn Severus in to the Ministry because she respected Albus too highly to betray him in such a way. They had never really been close. Severus didn't like having many close relationships. Yet, that look in her eyes was disconcerting to him. He had lost any faith she had in him…She might very well think he really was serving the Dark Lord and was spying on them. She probably thought he was some evil, pedophilic Death Eater who was manipulating Albus and Harry both to serve his "master." He had lost any and all respect she had ever had for him…and it was something about being viewed as such a heinous creature by anyone that bothered him, especially from one of few people he felt did not believe such things.

"Harry is stubborn, you realize? He won't let you talk him out of anything," Severus told her.

"I will find a way to stop this," Minerva assured him. "I will find a way to protect him from you before you hurt him. I would encourage you to put an end to this, but I simply feel there is no use. You've gone too far and you obviously have no hope of seeing any reason."

"If I left him, it would hurt him," he could imagine himself saying. He could have told her how he would willingly surrender his life, freedom, and happiness if it meant keeping Harry safe. He could tell her how much he loved Harry. But he didn't. She wouldn't believe him no matter what he said, and honestly, there were some things he didn't want to be telling other people. The only person he wanted to tell of his love for Harry was Harry himself…And even that was not a very common occurrence.

"If you would be so kind as to leave, Minerva," Severus said quietly instead.

"Gladly," Minerva said with a huff, walking swiftly towards the door. She paused with her hand on the knob and turned to him. "If you do ever cross that line, or if you have already, I will find out about it, Severus."

Severus turned to homework not graded on his desk as Minerva opened the door and walked out. Minerva wasn't going to give up on this. She was bound and determined to find something and if he and Harry were both not more cautious than they ever had been, they would be in trouble. It was hard enough a secret to keep without people actually trying to look for something. Severus was confident, however, that he would be able to keep them both safe. Minerva would never know anything, would never keep them apart, would never do anything to ruin this. Severus could not and would not let her.

"Goodness, Severus, what did you say to her?"

Severus looked up in surprise to find a new figure standing in his doorway. His old friend, Septima Vector, stood there in dark pink robes, shoving loose strands of her dark brown hair out of her face in irritation. She stood peering out of the door and down the corridor after Minerva a moment before shaking her head and stepping in.

"I was not aware it was polite to pry into the business of others," Severus remarked.

"It was only a question," Septima said, waving him off. She seemed perfectly prepared to drop the subject, but she took a good look at him and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Did we not just have a discussion about prying?"

"It was not a discussion, so much as a comment on your part," Septima said. "It's not Harry Potter, is it?"

Severus froze, trying not to panic or jump to conclusions. He merely raised his eyebrow and waited for her to elaborate. There was no way she could actually have an idea about it. She probably would have been nearly as upset as Minerva.

"Well you were having problems with him last year, if I recall. And you've had to spend plenty of time with him again this year," Septima reminded him. "He hasn't tried anything else, has he?"

"He's Harry Potter," Severus reminded her, rolling his eyes. His friend she might be, but Severus couldn't confide in her with this. He did figure that getting off of the subject of Harry might be helpful, though. He was prepared to ask her why she had come here, but Septima quickly spoke.

"Are you still denying your feelings for him, then?" Septima asked with a teasing smile.

Severus glared at her.

"Oh I'm only joking, Severus," Septima said. "It's not like it would do you any good."

Certainly isn't at the moment, Severus thought. Not bothering to dignify her statement with a response, and honestly a bit eager to get off of the subject. "Are you done wasting my time? Is there a reason you're here, Septima?"

Septima gave him an odd look that Severus did not find comforting at all. She said nothing more on the subject, however, and gave a nod of her head. "I told you of my sister Octavia, didn't I? She's a lesbian and she's been with her partner for many years now. They wish to expand their family, but the Ministry will not allow them to adopt and St. Mungo's is not allowed to…aid them in their attempts at having a child. Neither Octavia or Seraphina feel particularly comfortable hunting down a strange man to…aidthem…"

Severus just stared at her. He did not like the idea of where this was going. It wasn't like he had never been interested in a woman before. There had been Lily and he had bedded a few females from time to time, but his interests lay mostly with men. It wasn't as if he knew Octavia or Seraphina enough to not be considered a strange man. No…That was a request too strange to make, surely. And it wasn't as if he was a Healer and could help them with anything St. Mungo's did fertilization-wise. He was a potions master, yes, but he had never bothered with issues of birth control or fertilization potions or anything of that matter.

His thoughts ran away with him while Septima pulled her own thoughts together to get her request out. "Anyway, I was wondering if there was anything you could do to help them? Is there any way they could…are there any potions that would allow them to create a child…together?"

"There is a highly frowned upon sex changing potion," Severus suggested, his own concerns having brought him to that one idea. He had gotten quite a bit of a negative reaction from people for helping an old classmate in making the sex changing potion. Poor Wesley Davenport (now Willa Davies) had suffered a great deal of ridicule for his change and ended up moving to another country, but Severus, at least, had gotten a good bit of money for his help.

"If either of them could stand the sight of a penis, maybe they could," Septima said.

"So it wasn't just strange men they didn't want?"

"All men are strange to them," Septima said with a smile. "So, is it possible? Are there any potions that could do that?"

"Not that I am aware of," Severus replied. "There has never been a big call for it. Too many people are too afraid to even announce their sexual preferences, let alone willing to out themselves by having a child together."

"I thought that would be the case," Septima said with a sigh. "Do you think there might be any chance you could…invent one, by any chance? I don't want to be a bother, but it's very important to them both and they're willing to pay whatever they can."

Severus paused and thought for a minute. The idea of helping a happy young couple have a family didn't exactly warm his heart, but the prospect of inventing such a potion…Not that the world needed any more brats, but it was promising. He was willing to bet he could make decent money from such a thing and it could add one more thing to the list of his accomplishments. He did relish a good challenge and having to go against nature in such a way without changing the anatomy of either woman to do so…

"I am a very busy man, Septima. I cannot promise to devote all of my time to such a project, especially these days. But I will see if I can do something," Severus agreed. "It could take a long time, but it is an interesting prospect."

Septima smiled. "An attempt is all we can hope for. Thank you, Severus."

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Severus spent his day jotting down starting notes for the new potion in between lessons. Harry's mind was just as full that day with nothing but irritation from that morning. In the hour before his first class, McGonagall called him to her office.

"Student-teacher relationships are highly inappropriate," McGonagall had said. "No matter what Professor Snape tells you, you must be realistic. What man in his thirties 'falls in love' with a sixteen year old boy? That isn't love, Harry; it is lust." He had been nervous to start with, but the more she talked, the more furious he became. He had to clench his fists as she basically referred to Severus as a pedophile and kept himself from snapping at her. "The headmaster might trust Severus Snape, but no good can come from this, Mr. Potter. Professor Snape spent many years hating you because he hated your father. Those sorts of things do not just go away. Think about it…" So apparently Severus was with him as revenge on his dead father…

It was ridiculous.

"Sod off," Harry finally snapped, losing Gryffindor fifty points and a very indignant tirade following from McGonagall about respecting teachers and what a bad influence Severus was being and the sort of attitude he had been carrying the past few weeks.

He had been very tempted to skip Transfiguration that day.

"You can't just skip class…" Hermione had told him.

"I told her to sod off," Harry said dryly.

Hermione looked horrified and Harry had been prepared to tell her and Draco about the events of the night before, but remembering Severus's warning of caution, asked them to meet him in the Room of Requirement before dinner so he could tell them. It was the best place he could think of to talk to them about those sorts of things, without worrying about other people being around to overhear.

It had been a long day and the time classes were done with, Harry was eager to get to the Room of Requirement to spend time with his friends and get this all off of his chest. At least he had the good news of his making up with Severus to share with them along with the craziness of last night.

"Harry!" called out a familiar voice on the way and Harry smiled and slowed down to allow Hermione time to catch up. She clutched her books against her chest and slowed down beside him, sucking in deep breaths. "Draco better be waiting…I really want to hear this explanation," Hermione said stiffly, giving him a hard and suspicious look.

"I'm sure he's on his way," Harry assured her, digging around in his bag to pull out the Marauder's Map. Might as well see where Draco was and he was a bit curious to see if McGonagall was having a talk with Severus or Dumbledore or not. He could imagine her returning to try to "talk some sense" into Dumbledore before long. He moved back against a wall to take a quick look. Severus was in his office alone and he couldn't help but smirk and roll his eyes when he saw McGonagall's name in Dumbledore's office.

"There he is…With Nott!" Hermione said, jabbing her finger on the map. It was the boy's lavatory on this very floor. Harry frowned and looked at the two names and glanced up at Hermione who looked worried. Draco and Nott together could only mean one thing these days.

"Might not hurt to go see what they're up to," Harry said quietly, folding the Map back up and stuffing it back into his bag.

"I'm sure Draco will tell us what happened when he gets to us," Hermione said, following Harry as he walked swiftly down the corridor.

"Yeah, I know, but what if they're doing something we can…I dunno, stop?" Harry replied. "If Draco can't give up his act as a spy, the least we can do is intervene where we can."

Hermione frowned, but nodded. Harry couldn't help but feel a bit guilty…That was the truth. It would be good to be able to interrupt if Draco and Nott were doing something really bad. Another part of Harry, though, didn't trust Draco as completely as he thought he had. He wanted to know what he could, just on that off chance that Draco wouldn't tell them…Just in case…

Outside of the door, Harry dropped his bag on the floor where Hermione was waiting with it. He pressed his ear against the door but couldn't hear anything and moved to quietly open it, peering inside. He was surprised that the first voice he heard was that of Moaning Myrtle. "-ell me what's wrong…I can help you…"

Scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion, Harry stepped inside further, moving as slowly and quietly as possible. Moaning Myrtle was standing just outside of a cubicle, speaking to Draco Malfoy who was standing at a sink. Harry glanced around, surprised that he didn't see Nott anywhere. Had he just left? Harry hadn't seen him.

"No one can help me," Draco said, his whole body shaking. He was crying, Harry realized. Tears streamed down his pale face and he gasped and gulped before managing enough control to go on. "I can't do it….I can't…it won't work…and unless I do it soon he says he'll kill me…"

With another deep breath and shudder, Draco looked up, surprise lighting his face when he saw Harry's reflection in the mirror over his shoulder. Before either boy could say anything, another stall opened. "Really, Draco, is there any reason to be crying like a girl?" said Nott, walking out and straightening his robes. Draco looked surprised to see him there and apparently hadn't had any idea the other boy was in there. Nott paused when he saw Harry, eyes narrowing. "And in front of an audience…I wonder how much he heard."

Nott drew his wand and instinctively Harry pulled out his own. Draco looked back and forth wildly between them in a panic. The hex Nott sent missed him by inches, shattering the lamp on the wall beside him. "Malfoy, suck it up and get him!" Nott exclaimed while Harry threw a nonverbal Levicorpus at him, but Nott easily deflected it.

"No! Stop it!" cried Moaning Myrtle. Draco opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out and he sank back against the sink, staring in shock as Harry and Nott hurled hexes at one another. One of them hit the cistern beneath Moaning Myrtle who was screaming and sobbing loudly. Water poured everywhere and the boys began slipping as they ran after one another, screaming more curses.

"Harry! Harry what-Oh my God!" Hermione had burst into the bathroom and stared wide eyed at the scene before her.

"M-Mione, go get help!" Draco told her.

"Harry! Harry stop it!" Hermione said instead, pulling out her wand.

Harry had hardly noticed Hermione's entrance until she shouted his name. He quickly glanced over his shoulder, but had to turn back to Nott as the boy sent another hex at him, this one flying over his shoulder towards Hermione. Draco immediately jumped forward and pushed Hermione out of the way and proceeded to pull her towards the door. "Go get help, Mione, please! I…I'll do something. Okay?"

"There's no need to play lovey with the Mudblood now!" Nott shouted as the door closed. "Damn it, Draco! Crucio!" Nott shouted, his wand pointing at Draco this time. Draco's screams echoed throughout the lavatory and the moment Harry heard the curse he had pointed his own wand more firmly at Nott, shouting "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

Blood spurted from Nott's face, chest, and stomach as though he had been slashed with an invisible sword. He staggered backwards and collapsed onto the waterlogged floor with a great splash, his wand falling from his limp left hand.

"No!" Harry gasped.

"Merlin!" Draco exclaimed, staring bug-eyed at his old friend, struggling to his feet, body still twitching in the aftershocks of his pain as he backed up.

Harry meanwhile moved forward, slipping and staggering. Nott's face was shining scarlet, his white hands a startling contrast against the black of his robes and the bright red of his own blood. Those hands scrabbled against his blood-soaked chest.

"No…I didn't…"

Harry didn't know what he was saying. He fell to his knees beside Nott who was shaking uncontrollably in a pool of his own blood. Moaning Myrtle was screaming about murder in the bathroom, but Harry could pay no attention. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be capable of this…

"Harry…Harry c-come here," Draco was saying.

The door banged open behind Harry and he looked up, terrified. Severus appeared with Hermione trailing behind him. Severus was livid; Hermione looked scared and then completely horrified as she gasped at the sight of Nott. "Harry?"

Hermione made to move forward, but Draco stepped out to tug her towards him, encircling his arms around her. Hermione clutched at him, still gaping at Nott and Harry while Severus approached, kneeling down over Nott and drawing his wand. Harry flinched, but relaxed a bit as Severus drew the wand over the deep cuts Harry's curse had made in Nott's body, muttering an incantation that sounded almost like a song. "Vulnera Sanentur…" The flow of blood seemed to ease. Severus wiped the residue from Nott's face and repeated the spell. Now the wounds seemed to be knitting.

Harry could only gape, completely horrified by what he had done. He had nearly killed Nott! He was barley aware that he was covered in blood and water…Barely aware of Moaning Myrtle's sobbing…Hardly aware at all of his two best friends huddled against the wall. All he knew was that Severus was healing Nott. When Seveurs had performed the counter curse for the third time, he half lifted Nott into a standing position.

"You need the hospital wing," Severus told him. "There may be a certain amount of scarring, but if you take dittany immediately we might avoid even that…Malfoy! Granger! Escort Mr. Nott to the infirmary."

Nodding weakly, the two stepped forward and stood on either side of Nott, helping him out of the door. Nott made no comments about the "Mudblood" helping him.

"Go," Severus commanded Moaning Myrtle, his voice of cold fury. Myrtle wasted no time swooping back into her toilet and leaving.

"I didn't mean it to happen," Harry said quietly, though his voice still echoed in the room. "I didn't know what that spell did." Harry could hardly even remember where he had heard that spell.

"Which is precisely why I told you not to use anything in that book," Severus growled. Harry flinched at the sound, his eyes then growing wide as he realized what he meant.

"You? You invented that…that?" Harry sputtered.

"It was in my book, was it not?" Severus snapped, reaching down to grab Harry's shirt, yanking him to his feet.

"I…Yes…It was," Harry said, licking his lips. He remembered now, the curse scribbled down with for enemies beneath it.

"Do you make it a habit of using spells you know nothing of?" Severus growled.

"N…no," Harry said as Severus backed him into a wall.

"Do you take potions without knowing what they do? Do you touch magical objects you know nothing of? Are you really so dense that you would foolishly brandish spells and potions and other objects you know nothing of, that could be very deadly? Does nothing at all get through that thick skull of yours? Do you even think? Does that miniscule mind of yours do anything other than encouraging you to be a complete moron?"

"Shut up!" Harry shouted. "Look, I'm sorry-!"

"You could have killed him!" Severus hissed.

"I know!" Harry exclaimed. "I-"

"Shut. Up," Severus growled. "Bring me that book, Potter. I want it in my office immediately. You will serve an actual detention tonight with Filch and you are not to have your lessons today. Is that understood?"

"Severus-"

Black eyes flashed angrily and Severus slammed his hand over Harry's mouth with force enough to bruise. His lips and teeth ached and his hand tightened around his wand instinctively and twitched. Severus wouldn't really hurt him, though, and Harry didn't have enough in him…too upset over what he had done to be properly mad like he might have any other time with this sort of treatment from Severus. "Professor Snape," Severus hissed in correction. "Or do you really want to risk doing more damage today?"

Severus let go of him and stormed out of the room, taking care to slam the door loudly behind him while Harry sank down to the floor, staring at the water stained pink from blood on the floor.

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Lost and Damned