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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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LOST AND DAMNED

So Much to See Tonight

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Time passed into June without much of a stir. There was a lot of talk around school about the Ginny and Harry kiss, which made Harry feel awful, especially knowing how much it hurt her. Ginny was a strong girl, though, and she powered through the gossip and even snapped at the likes of whispering buffoons like Lavender and Parvati and upon too many remarks from Pansy Parkinson, ended up with detention for performing the Bat Bogey Hex on the girl. Every time Harry and Ginny were in the same space, everyone would start cat calling and making kissing faces and chanted over and over for them to kiss or do something of a grand and dramatic romantic gesture. Every time it was in the Great Hall or somewhere Severus was around, he could feel the dark eyes of his lover boring into him with such intensity that Harry felt like the man was trying to leave a mark with his look alone, a mark proclaiming Harry to be his and his alone. That gaze would then turn upon Ginny with the nastiest of glares preserved for those stupid enough to touch his Harry and the likes of Cormac McLaggen for an awful week following the Quidditch match where Harry got hurt. According to his fellow Gryffindors, Cormac had suffered a great deal that week (though no one seemed to put it all together). He was being torn to pieces by the most cruel of remarks and given detention and losing points for every little thing done wrong. He apparently usually ended those lessons by taking points from Cormac for not being Gryffindor enough to do something about it.

The day following the kiss, Harry hunted down Ginny to apologize and talk to her, figuring the least he could do was be a very good friend to her. Harry had no idea at the time what Seveurs would have in store for her. "Ginny, um…About yesterday…I…Umm…" he had said.

"Don't worry about it," Ginny cut in. "I understand, it's fine. I was just caught up in the excitement of winning and I couldn't go to Dean so I went to you. I know you don't like me that way, it's fine. I promise."

"Oh, um, okay," Harry said, a bit relieved she had said so and not really sure if she meant any of it or not. At any rate, she and Dean were back together after a week and a half, which caused the rumor mill to grow more rampant, though at least Slughorn had a good excuse to give Harry's sudden decline in Potions: girl troubles. Not to mention, added some snickering Slytheirns, this was the time of year Ron had died last year. That knowledge caused more nasty remarks than Harry liked, but he luckily wasn't around to hear all of them, otherwise he probably would have ended up in a great deal of trouble. Ginny got the brunt of it and ended up with more detentions than she cared for…Especially once Severus started on her case, barely letting up after her reunion with Dean. Like with Cormac, he seemed to be finding any excuse he could to punish her, though Ginny stood up for herself more than Cormac had.

"Do you really have to torture Ginny like this?" Harry sighed heavily after two weeks.

"It's called punishing people for wrongdoings…It is, regrettably, part of my job as a professor," Severus had sneered.

"She's my friend!" Harry said in exasperation. "And she's with Dean now!"

"Kindly, do not tell me how to run my classroom, Potter," Severus said darkly and Harry had been so irritated he returned to Gryffindor Tower early, though they at least avoided a big fight. Too stubborn to just cave in, Severus slowly weaned off on his horrible treatment of Ginny and Harry didn't dare say anything more about it when he noticed Severus was letting up on her little by little.

McGonagall was as bothersome as ever. She didn't push too hard. She wasn't that dumb to keep being so blunt with things…But Harry could feel her watching him and especially couldn't seem to look away whenever he and Severus were anywhere near each other. She called him into her office now and then to ask about his wellbeing and what he had been up to lately, never directly asking or saying anything about Severus, but the way she sat and the way she looked at him made her intentions all too clear. Harry understood that she cared about him and he also understood that their situation was not ideal. He tried to imagine what he would think and feel if one of his classmates turned out to be in a relationship with a professor and how he might feel. That usually led to very bad mental images such as Neville and Sprout doing it in the greenhouses and Cho Chang using her Head of House's height to her advantage. He stopped trying to think about it after a while, since he always ended up plagued by disturbing visions. Severus admitted McGonagall had paid him a few more visits of a similar nature, though she let a few more nasty comments and was slightly more direct with things than she was with Harry. "It is my duty, as a professor and as the Head of Gryffindor House, to protect the students at this school, especially those in my care!" Severus would quote McGonagall.

Otherwise, things were going pretty good. Draco had opened up to Harry and Hermione about why he had been so upset in the bathroom that day, sending both of his friends on the mission of trying to help find Draco a way around it, though admittedly it was a task that seemed too big for a group of sixteen and seventeen year olds. Draco and Hermione were closer than ever, though, and Harry was glad to see his best friends so happy. The only thing in their way was Hermione's depression the few days surrounding the anniversary of Ron's death, which left Draco seeming a bit uncomfortable and hurt, though he didn't say much about it and left Hermione to the comfort of Ginny, who needed her friend just as much as Hermione needed her.

Things with Severus were better than ever, or it seemed so to Harry who felt they had been apart for too long. It was far from perfect, though. Severus seemed so distant sometimes, distinctly irritable some days…and Harry had to admit, he felt the same way sometimes. It was hard for them to completely get over what each other had done and it led to many an argument, though they never became explosive fights. Sometimes Harry wanted to strangle him and Harry was sure Severus felt the same way sometimes. Severus had gotten his parents killed…Severus was a complete and utter arse. And Harry had betrayed his trust and nearly killed someone. There were too many issues between them for their relationship to be anywhere near perfect, but despite their problems, Harry could not have been happier with anyone else or doing anything else and he was exceedingly grateful that Severus had stopped trying to push him away.

He was headed towards Severus's office the first Saturday in June, eager to spend time with Severus. He had been a bit obsessed lately with some potion he was making for Professor Vector's sister to let lesbians impregnate each other and Harry enjoyed it. He didn't understand half of what Severus told him, but his excitement for his project was contagious and Harry loved watching Severus do something he enjoyed so much. He spent a lot of time studying fertilization potions and contraceptive potions and the female anatomy and reproductive organs and all sorts of weird things, jotting down notes and contemplating the safest way to test the potion when he got the first one figured out. Harry just listened and when Severus was too caught up in his reading or his writing or his thinking, Harry would lounge around and nap or play games by himself or various other things, finding himself grateful just to be in his lover's presence.

He was stopped by Ginny with a note from Dumbledore. Harry opened the scroll eagerly while Ginny continued down the corridor holding hands with Dean. Harry read the letter excitedly and spun around, changing directions and heading towards the headmaster's office. There was no guarantee this was it, but Dumbledore had promised Harry he could go hunt the next Horcrux with him once he found it, and since there were no more lessons lately, Harry knew this had to be it! He at least hoped so…He had to admit, he'd be very disappointed if it wasn't and it was just another memory to be shown.

Harry eagerly shouted the password at the gargoyle and ran up the moving staircase, knocking eagerly on the office door. "Enter," came Dumbledore's calm voice, the complete opposite of Harry's anxiousness. Harry tried to calm himself down as he walked in, but it was hard to hide his curious excitement. Dumbledore was standing at the window looking out at the grounds, a black traveling cloak in his arms. "Well, Harry," he said, "I promised that you could come with me."

"You really found one, then?" Harry asked eagerly.

"I believe so."

"Great!" Harry said with a grin. "Which Horcrux is it? Where is it?"

"I am not sure which it is-though I think we can rule out the snake-but I believe it to be hidden in a cave on the coast many miles from here, a cave I have been trying to locate for a long time: the cave in which Tom Riddle once terrorized two children from his orphanage on their annual trip; you remember?"

"Yes," said Harry. "How is it protected?"

"I do not know; I have suspicions that may be entirely wrong," Dumbledore said, then hesitated before continuing. "Harry, I promised you that you could come with me, and I stand by that promise, but it would be very wrong of me not to warn you that this will be exceedingly dangerous."

"I'm coming," Harry said firmly, no second thoughts. "I want to do this…Sir."

"Very well," Dumbledore said with a nod. "You must promise me something, though, Harry. I will only bring you along on the condition that you obey any command I give you at once and without question."

"Of course."

"Be sure to understand me, Harry. I mean that you must follow even such orders as 'run', 'hide', or 'go back.' Do I have your word?"

"I-yes, of course."

"If I tell you to hide, you will do so?"

"Yes."

"If I tell you to flee, will you obey?"

"Yes."

"If I tell you to leave me and save yourself, you will do as I tell you?"

"I-"

"Harry?"

They looked at each other for a moment and Harry didn't know how to respond. Could he actually just leave Dumbledore and save himself? Who knew what types of horrors they'd be facing. Harry would love to tell Dumbledore that he could follow his orders, but in all reality, Harry knew that was unlikely to be the case. Still, wasn't it better if he did go? Even if he had to leave on Dumbledore's orders, at least he would know what had happened…He could get help or be help, really. Harry needed to do this. He felt it in his bones that this was something he was meant to be a part of. He badly wanted to go with Dumbledore and wasn't about to let anything stand in the way of that.

"Yes, sir," he finally said.

"Very good. Then I wish you to go and fetch your Invisibility Cloak and meet me in the entrance hall in five minutes time."

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While Harry met with Dumbledore in his office with the promise of finding a Horcrux, Severus was preoccupied with his preparations for the potion Septima requested for her sister, Octavia Vector, and her lover, Seraphina Myles. He had actually found a great deal of time to dedicate to getting more done studying the subject this week, especially since Harry was vastly improving in his private lessons and was even somewhat reasonable in Occlumency (finally) and the Dark Lord hadn't held a meeting in quite some time.

It was for no great personal reasons that Severus was so into his project…He honestly could have cared less about granting two females to conceive a child together and honestly the world probably could have done with less children. But Octavia and Seraphina were apparently willing to pay and it was something good to focus his attentions on that had nothing to do with evil deeds or spying or anything to do with this war. Besides…The controversy such an event would spark was a promising vision. One big argument against homosexuality in the Wizarding world was the inability of two males and two females to reproduce together and other nonsense about the population dying out (which honeslty could only really be a problem if everyone was gay, and while there were probably more homosexuals than the world knew about, he doubted it was enough for mankind to die out) and having that argument become null and void would be amusing.

It didn't hurt to have yet another potion of his own invention out there. He was proud of his work, very proud indeed of the different potions and spells he himself had created, even if not all of them had very positive effects (as Harry had proven with his use of Sectumsempra not too long ago).

He was seated at the desk in his bedroom, a long sheet of parchment in front of him, quill poised over it as his dark eyes scanned the many books opened and scattered around his desk. Every potion involving reproduction at all, be they to prevent or encourage pregnancy, at his fingertips as well as texts about the reproductive system, to double check things if he needed to. The sex changing potion Septima had ruled out, but he had its recipe before him, as well, should it provide anything useful in the situation.

Severus sighed heavily when he heard the echoing of someone knocking on his office door fill the room and reluctantly set down his quill and stood, walking swiftly from his rooms and into his office, flinging open the door. He was a little more than surprised to see Granger standing there.

"Good evening, Professor," Granger said with an apologetic smile. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"You are," Severus assured her stiffly, struggling between trying not to be a complete arse to the young woman who was undoubtedly the closest to his young lover and the strong need to be a prick to every student who crossed his path, especially a Gryffindor and even more especially the school's renowned know it all.

"Oh…I…Well," Granger said, clearing her throat, flushing slightly. "I just wanted to let you know that Harry wasn't going to be by tonight. He was in a bit of a hurry when he left and said he wouldn't have time to send a note or anything, but he's going somewhere with the headmaster."

Severus froze, unable to stop that irritated and honestly jealous feeling that plagued him at the mention of Harry going somewhere with Albus. Honestly, Albus didn't trust him enough to tell him where he had been going on his journeys during the school year, but he was sharing the information with a sixteen year old boy! Not only sharing, but letting him tag along. "Is that so?" Severus asked, watching as Granger slowly nodded her head. "Where have they gone, exactly?"

"I…Honestly don't' know, sir," Granger said. "Harry didn't give me much information. As I said, he was in a bit of a hurry to meet the professor."

"Ah," Severus said, narrowing his eyes at her, not sure if she was telling the truth or not. Granger knew, did she not? Harry had been allowed to tell her. Ridiculous, involving teenagers in such affairs.

"Well, I apologize for bothering you," Granger said. "Though…Um…Do you know if Draco's alright? I haven't seen him all day and I am starting to worry."

Severus did not allow himself to react to the statement, though it bothered him. Draco spent a great deal of time with Granger…The boy was absolutely smitten with her. The only reason he'd be away from her was if he was dealing with Death Eater business, and the fact that he hadn't alerted Severus to any of this was unnerving. Since Nott had become involved in things, and since the Dark Lord had grown more violent with his threats, Draco had been coming to Severus less and less and it worried him.

"Just because he is not attached to your hip and within eyesight at all times does not necessarily mean anything is wrong, Miss Granger. The honeymoon stage was bound to wear off eventually," he said instead and slammed the door in her face.

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It was over an hour later when Harry returned to Hogwarts with Dumbledore, racing urgently. He had been worried enough as it was before they had even seen it…Dumbledore was in no good condition at all. Harry felt sick to his stomach, remembering what they had faced in that cave…Swimming through icy water, a blood sacrifice, taking that boat out to where the Horcrux was hidden out in the middle of the lake…Arguing with Dumbledore over letting him drink from the potion in the basin and ending up having to force feed it to him…Dumbledore's pleading and screaming…the Inferius, helping Dumbledore away…Apparating to Hogsmeade…And just minutes ago meeting Madam Rosmerta and seeing the Dark Mark hanging over the castle. They flew two borrowed brooms to where the Dark Mark stood over the Astronomy Tower and Harry was terrified. He had to get Dumbledore help and they had to see what was wrong…why the Dark Mark was there…

"Go and wake Severus," Dumbledore said faintly, his blackened hand clutching his chest. "Tell him what has happened and bring him to me. Do nothing else, speak to nobody else. I shall wait here."

The dim green glow from the Dark Mark that had been cast over the Astronomy Tower fell over them eerily. Dumbledore still didn't look all that well from their journey. How could Harry just leave him here? He didn't look like he stood much of a chance defending himself. He needed help…

"But-" Harry said.

"You swore to obey me, Harry-go!"

Even not liking the idea, Harry turned and sprinted towards the door leading to the spiral staircase that would lead back into the castle. He had just reached the door when he heard running footsteps on the other side. He looked around at Dumbledore who gestured him to retreat. Harry backed away and drew his wand as he did so.

The door burst open and somebody ran through, shouting, "Expelliarmus!"

Harry's body instantly became rigid and immobile and he felt himself fall back against the tower wall, propped like an unsteady statue, unable to move or speak. He didn't understand what happened. Expelliarmus wasn't a Freezing Charm…Then he saw it. Dumbledore's wand flying away. He understood. Dumbledore had wordlessly immobilized Harry and in that second he had taken to perform the spell, he had cost himself the chance of defending himself.

Dumbledore didn't show any sign of the panic or distress Harry was feeling. He looked calmly across at the one who disarmed him and said, "Good evening, Draco."

Draco? Harry swallowed hard, willing himself desperately to break free of the spell holding him hostage. He had to do something! He had to stop this! There was only one thing that could be happening here! Fuck, he had to stop this. He knew that Draco was supposed to be killing Dumbledore…But he couldn't! Maybe he was wrong…Maybe Draco had thought of something else to do. That had to be it! Harry wanted to scream out in frustration as he was unable to do anything.

"Who else is here?" he heard Draco ask as he stepped forward.

"I might ask you the same," Dumbledore said. "Or are you acting alone?"

"No, I've got backup. There are Death Eaters here in your school right now," he said, voice attempting to be strong, but it was shaking in the effort.

Death Eaters in the school? He wasn't serious…That explained the Dark Mark, of course, but Draco hadn't…Draco couldn't have let Death Eaters into the school. Unless it was Nott's doing. Please let it be Nott's doing, Harry thought to himself desperately. Actually, please let it not be true at all.

"Well, well, well," Dumbledore said, still retaining that unconcerned voice that made Harry want to scream all the more. "Very good indeed. You found a way to let them in, did you?"

"Yeah," said Draco. "Right under your nose and you didn't even realize!"

"Ingenious. Yet, forgive me…Where are they now? You seem unsupported."

"They met some of your guards. They're having a fight down below. They won't be long…I came on ahead. I-I've got a job to do."

"Well, then you must go on and do it, my dear boy," said Dumbledore softly.

"Yes, Draco…Do it," said a new voice from the doorway.

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Severus got so lost in his work, he hardly paid attention to the time, but it hardly seemed much longer before there was another knocking on his door, more frantic. He growled in irritation and swept out of his rooms, nearly running into Filius Flitwick in the process. "Death Eaters in the castle!" the smaller professor was rambling. "Death Eaters in the castle! Quick, Severus, we need you! Please, come with me-quick!"

Fuck. While he had suspicions of Draco being with Nott tonight, he hadn't actually anticipated anything to happen. Draco had been, the last Severus checked, doing his best to find his way around the whole plan…promising that he wouldn't actually let anything happen. How on Earth had he missed Death Eaters breaking into the school? Why hadn't he been informed of this? The Dark Lord had let him in on the plan, so why had he not known that they had planned this for tonight? A final test of loyalty, Severus assumed darkly. He had to think quickly…He knew that, no matter what, he would have to remain in the Dark Lord's good graces. It was the only way he'd be able to be of any help. They could not lose their connection to the Dark Lord, even if it put his connection with the Order of the Phoenix at risk.

Sliding out his wand, he cast a quick "Stupefy," on Filius, watching his co worker fall to the floor. Quickly he strode to the door, ignoring the large ice block that had dropped into his stomach. He was only slightly surprised to find Granger and Loony Lovegood standing there. "Professor Flitwick has…collapsed. Go…Take care of him. I must go help…"

"O-of course, Professor!" Granger stammered and ran into his office, followed by Loony who, even at a time such as this, wore such a strangely dreamy look on her pale face. Strange girl, she was. At least these two would be safe and out of the way for now trying to help Filius…At least he could hope. Unfortunately the young Granger was a foolish Gryffindor and would undoubtedly want to join the fight before long. No matter what he had to do, he had to protect as many of the students as he could manage.

Out in the corridor he could better hear the fight raging above. Severus walked briskly towards the staircase, wand clutched in his right hand. It was already bad…Hopefully he'd be able to find Draco before it was too late.

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Lost and Damned