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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 58
- 59
- 60
Disclaimer: See chapter 1

The Headmaster's study reappeared around Hermione as the memory ended, although it took her a moment to shake the last image she'd seen in the pensieve. Unconsciously she touched her lips the way she had just seen herself touch Snape's as she smiled to herself. I don't understand what's happening. He blows hot and cold so quickly. Does he even like me, or is this all just about keeping us both alive to finish our tasks? This is just too confusing. Maybe… maybe he just finds it hard to separate the times when he has to act for Voldemort's sake, and when he doesn't.
She looked around for Snape, who was once again trying not to meet her eyes. His face could have been chiselled from granite, and she knew that there was no point in pressing him on his feelings right now. She needed to choose the right moment. From what she had seen in the various memories as well as her time with that that day he obviously cared for her. I just need to find out exactly what he feels for me. And to be sure of how I feel for him.
It was strange, watching how the normally dour man had slowly softened in his manners towards her. Besides her first night in the castle, he had been unfailingly kind and gentle with her in the memories she had seen so far, perhaps making up for his treatment of her at other times. And not only had she seen him gradually grow more relaxed around her, quicker to smile and comfort, but she had noticed her own changing behaviour towards him.
It was hard to tell, considering she could only see her actions and not feel her own emotions, but as each memory had gone by, she had seen herself begin to find reasons to casually touch him, to watch him discreetly, to be closer to him than she needed to be. She was sure she wasn't just experiencing the effect of a love potion still, instead, she had been gradually watching herself develop feelings for him. The question is, how much have my feelings been affected by everything else that he's done to me, and can he believe that what I feel is real? Maybe there's something in the rest of my memories that will help me.
She walked over to the desk. "Professor, can I see the next one please?"
So far, Hermione couldn't understand his warning that once again she'd been quite upset this time. She'd not been given all of her memories on this occasion, as she only had until the evening to research before being obliviated again, and Hermione could see that her past self had been much more wary of Snape this time than she had been before.
Currently Snape and herself were sitting opposite from each other at his desk in the library, each with a tray of food in front of them. The atmosphere in the room was tense. Snape had only made some inane comment on the food before lapsing into silence. He had seemed to want to avoid her gaze as much as she did his. Well this is awkward.
To pass the time before something happened Hermione walked over to the desk where she had been researching before the house-elf had popped in to ask her whether she wanted to eat. She tried to run her fingers across the two books that she had just been reading, Magick Moste Evile and Secrets of the Darkest Arts, but of course her ghostly fingers slipped straight through.
Her past-self had just made some sort of discovery before the house-elf had popped in, and unfortunately Hermione had not had a chance to stop what it was over her own shoulder before the food had arrived. It would be in her notes though, or maybe she would get another opportunity before this memory ended.
She'd been cross-referencing the information of horcruxes in both books, before pulling Hogwarts; A History in from of her yet again. That was when she had made an expression that Hermione had recognised as one of discovery. Something to do with Hogwarts and horcruxes. Well, the locket that the three of them had destroyed with the Sword of Gryffindor had begun to Slytherin, so that was one connection. Obviously she had just found another.
Hermione's musings were interrupted as her past-self stood, walking over to one of the chairs by the fireplace and sitting, while Snape vanished the table and trays with a flick of his wand. He walked across to one of the cupboards on the opposite wall. Hermione turned to watch, forgetting for the moment about the books.
"Can I get you a drink, Miss Granger? Snape enquired politely.
"How about some firewhisky?" she replied cheekily.
"I'm afraid I'm out, but I have a rather nice brandy, if you'd like to try it."
She gaped at him. "Err, sure… thanks." Hermione giggled at the look on her own face. She'd obviously not been expecting Snape to allow her to have anything stronger than pumpkin juice. She'd only really been allowed spirits on special occasions, like Christmas, and she'd never really felt the need to partake of the occasional bottle that got smuggled into the dormitories.
Snape poured them both a measure and handed her one, settling himself into the armchair on the opposite side of the fire. They caught each other's eye, before both looked away uncomfortably. She took a cautious sip of her brandy before pulling a face as she tried to stop herself coughing. Smooth, Hermione…
They sat for a while in painful silence, before Snape finally spoke up. "I trust you found everything you need."
"Yes, thank you," she replied quietly.
It was a minute before he spoke again. "If there is anything I can get for you please let me know and I will try to procure it."
"I don't think there is, but I do need to speak with you and the Headm… Professor Dumbledore. There is something I need to do… If it is possibly anyway. I'm still not quite sure what's going on and why I'm here. And I definitely don't understand why you've been treating me the way you have." Her voice had raised slightly towards the end.
Snape's cheeks had turned red and he looked terribly embarrassed. Her own face had darkened in anger as she watched him.
"Why? Why did you do it all?" The colour on Snape's cheeks deepened, but he said nothing. "How can you just sit there and say nothing?" She jumped up angrily and began pacing in front of him. "How could you do those things to me? The other night… what was that all about? How dare you go poking about in my head, searching for things like that? You were looking for it on purpose weren't you?"
Hermione knew immediately what she was talking about… the night where he had searched and found the memories of her masturbating in the bath. Her cheeks coloured again at the thought, but she listened intently, interested to what Snape would say to justify himself.
Her past-self paused and looked at him. He stared back at her and made no response. She took his silence for confirmation and started pacing again. "That was supposed to be private. Why the fuck would you think it's ok to do something like that?" Hermione was yelling by now, obviously forgetting her fear of him. He still made no response, and she stopped in front of him again, turning on him suddenly and shoving his shoulder with her hand.
"How dare you! You're a fucking bastard! She screeched, hitting him again. He made no move to stop her.
"I know," he said flatly, looking up at her.
She continued to lash out at him as she began to sob. He finally raised his hands to stop her, just as one of her swings caught him across the face, knocking his head to one side. He stood suddenly, and she stepped back as he loomed over her, his expression pained.
"Miss Granger, you will not…"
Enraged, she continued to claw at him, so he quickly grabbed her wrists and held them out, turning them both around and pushing her against the wall. "Stop this at once, girl!" His tone was loud and firm, the same one that Hermione had learnt to fear over the past few weeks. She saw the expression of fear on her own face as it broke through her rage, suddenly realising the position he had her in. She stopped trying to hit him, instead twisting her wrists in an attempt to escape him.
"No, no! Please don't…" she cried. Hermione could tell she was frantic with the thought that he was about to rape her again.
He looked down, his face softening immediately as he realised the reason for her distress. "Miss Granger," he said softly. Her crying had intensified, the tears rolling freely down her cheeks, her arms still held firmly in his hands, and her struggles were growing weaker.
"If I release you, will you promise not to hit me again?" She didn't hear him. "Miss Granger!" he spoke loud and insistently.
At that her head finally came up, her sobs catching in her throat. She looked up at him with wide eyes, still trembling with fear.
"I'm going to let go of you now, Miss Granger. Please… don't hit me again, or I will have to restrain you. Do you understand?
She nodded, never taking her eyes off his face. "Yes, master."
"Don't call me that," he hissed. She flinched at the venom in his voice. "I'm sorry," he apologised. "Please, Miss Granger, don't call me that," he said gently. She just looked at him with wide eyes, not replying.
Her chest was still heaving, and occasional shudders shook her, but at least she had stopped crying. Snape let go of one of her wrists carefully, waiting to grab her again if she tried to attack. But she just let the arm fall, exhausted and numb after her emotional outburst.
Her eyes were still locked on his, and Hermione could see the anguished look on his face as he looked down at her past-self. Very slowly, he raised his free hand to her face. She recoiled slightly from his hand, but he ignored the movement and wiped away the tears from her cheek.
"I hate you," she whispered.
"I know," he said gently. "And I deserve it." He let go of her other wrist and wiped her other cheek. She turned away from him, huddling against the wall. "I wish I could say that everything I have done has only been to protect you, but I would be lying. I have acted irrationally and have hurt you far more than was needed to maintain our charade. The other night… what I saw in your memories…" He struggled to find the right words. "I… justified my searching for it because the Dark Lord had mentioned it, but in reality I am ashamed to admit, I was… curious, to see for myself.
She had turned to watch him silently, her eyes wide at his confession.
"As for what happened next… I…" He pulled away suddenly, and turned his back on her. "I have no excuse, and no explanation, except to say I didn't realise what was happening at first, and when I did… I never meant…" He went silent.
Hermione couldn't see his face from where she was standing, but his body language told her all she needed to know. He was hunched in on himself, and when her past-self moved around to face him he looked away, not daring to meet her eyes.
"Professor…" she said, reaching out her hand to his shoulder. Without seeing her gesture he moved away from her. "There is nothing I can say that can make it any better, and there is no apology I can make that would be enough for what I have done to you." He fell silent, and again she moved towards him. When she finally laid her hand on his shoulder he jumped and backed away from her, a wild look in his eyes.
Hermione had already realised how hard the situation they had found themselves in was on Snape, but she had never seen him look so defeated. In the memory she seemed to have also come to the same conclusion. I can't believe I said all that to him. I was so unfair. He's suffered just as much as I have in all this… more even. He's been doing this for years, I can't even imagine what he's seen and done…
"Professor, I…"
His face hardened quickly and his posture straightened. "We are out of time this evening. If you wish to speak to Professor Dumbledore before I join you I would suggest you do it now."
Caught off-guard by his change in behaviour she gaped at him. He crossed the room quickly and pulled the door open. "I shall join you in my office in ten minutes. Will that be sufficient time?"
"Eeerr, oh, yes. I guess," she replied, clearly confused by the sudden chance in subject, as he disappeared in a flurry of robes.
She made her way to his study to speak to the portrait. Hermione trailed along somberly behind her, after having glanced along the hall to see if she could tell where Snape had gone. There was no sign of him. I wonder what he's doing. Gods, I feel awful, blaming him like that.
Her past-self looked up at the portrait of Dumbledore. "Hello, Professor," she said quietly.
He smiled down at her. "How are you, my dear. Has Severus been taking care of you?"
She looked away before replying. "Yes, thank you."
"I assume you have come to talk to me about something in particular…" he smiled.
"I think... I've figured out something. I need to find Harry. I think he should know this."
Harry… I went to see Harry. She listened eagerly, as her memory-self continued to whisper to the portrait. A movement across the room caught her eye and she turned to see Snape opened the door to the office and come down the steps,
"Ah, Severus." Dumbledore spied him over the girl's head. "Miss Granger will be in need of you to assist her in her task soon."
"In what capacity?"
"You will be needed to take her somewhere. At the moment, I am not sure where exactly. It may take a few days to find the right information. For now, Miss Granger needs to save her memories and be obliviated. As soon as I find the location you will be informed."
"Professor," she said, talking to Snape. "I will wait for you in my room." She turned and left without waiting for an answer, Hermione following after. Snape watched her go with a frown.
"What happened, Severus?"
Her past-self paused to listen, the study door half closed behind her.
"It was a mistake for me to reply on your powers of persuasion instead of her own memories. She became rather… agitated. I will not make the same error again.
The door closed with a click and the memory dissolved.
This is from the memory that you see the first part of in Chapter 28 and 29.
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Memories of Deception