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The Worst Kind of Nightmare	By : Padfoot79 Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 7641 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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The Worst Kind of Nightmare
Author: Prongs
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things 'Harry Potter.'
A/N: Thank you for the reviews and feedback!

Chapter Six: Needing Time

^*^*^

"Siri? How do you feel?" James asked as he and Sirius left the hospital wing together and walked in the direction of their dorm.
Sirius sighed. "Look, James. I know you're just trying to help, but I need some time alone, okay? I mean, for a few days. I will come to you when I'm ready, all right?"
James looked crestfallen, but he nodded his head and placed a small kiss on Sirius' forehead. "Please tell me if I can do anything for you."
Sirius just nodded his head and watched his best friend continue walking down the hall.
"Sirius? Are you doing okay?" Profressor McGonagall asked quietly as she stepped out of the shadows.
Sirius leaned against the wall. "As okay as I can be, I guess. I have a lot to think about."
"I understand," the professor replied kindly. "You need to stop pushing James away, though. He truly loves you."
"I know," Sirius replied sadly. "I honestly do need some time to think, though."
"Follow me then," McGonagall whispered as she began walking down the hallway.
Sirius curiously walked behind his professor and followed her into a rather large, comfortable room with a gigantic window that overlooked the beautiful grounds of Hogwarts.
"Feel free to spend as much time as nee need to in here," McGonagall said quietly.
"Thank you," Sirius whispered as he sank down on one of the plush chairs in the room. His professor silently left the room, allowing Sirius the time he needed to think things through.
^*^*^
Later that evening, Sirius was eating alone in the mysterious room while his friends were eating in the Great Hall.
"Where is he?" Remus whispered.
James just shrugged his shoulders. "He told me that he needed time to think. I guess I am being too pushy. I just wish I knew what to do or say to help him. I love him so much, Remus."
"I know," Remus replied gently. "Are you sure he'll be all right being alone? I mean, what if he tries to…kill himself again?"
James winced and folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think he will. Gods, I hope he doesn't."
"Doesn't do what?" Peter asked as he joined his friends at the table.
"Nothing," Remus replied. "How are you?"
Peter raised an eyebrow. "I'm okay. Is Sirius still ill?"
Remus eyed James.
"He's getting better," James replied. "He's not supposed to have any visitors for a while longer, though," he lied.
Peter nodded his head and dug into his food.
^*^*^
The next few days passed in a blur to Sirius. He skipped his classes (with permission from McGonagall) and spent a great deal of time thinking about his current situation and the advice that Madam Pomfrey had given him.
James, on the other hand, went to his classes and basically worried about Sirius the entire time. He hated that Sirius needed time away from him, but at the same time, he understood Sirius' request.
Remus spent very little time with Severus in an effort to keep James company. However, James basically stayed silent and ignored Remus, causing the werewolf to grunt in frustration and return to his confused boyfriend's embrace.
Peter knew something was amiss, and he desperately tried to determine what was going on. Nobody gave him any clues, and he could only assume that James was upset because Sirius had taken ill with some sort of mysterious sickness. Peter had no idea that Sirius had been staying in a completely separate room for several days.
^*^*^
Finally, on Friday afternoon, Sirius quietly entered his dorm room. He had already seen Remus and Severus outside on a walk, and he knew that Peter was in the library.
James was sitting at his desk, staring at the wall when Sirius walked in. James turned around when he heard the door close. He stared at his boyfriend curiously before getting up and walking towards his friend.
"Can we talk?" Sirius asked quietly.
"Of course," James replied. "Here?"
Sirius nodded his head and sat down on James' bed. James joined him and looked at his best friend curiously.
"I'm sorry, James," Sirius said softly.
"For what?"
"For being mean to you when all you were trying to do was help me," Sirius replied. "I shouldn't have pushed you away like that."
"I only want to help you and be with you," James explained.
"I know that now," Sirius said. "I probably knew it before, too, but I was too fucked up to believe it. I honestly couldn't see how someone as amazing as you would want anything to do with me after everything that has happened."
"Sirius, I-"
"Please let me finish," Sirius demanded quietly.
James just nodded his head.
"All I could think was that I was a complete mess," Sirius continued. "We're both so young, and having a child will change everything forever. I don't want to be responsible for ruining your life, James."
"The only way you could ruin it is by not being a part of it," James replied.
Sirius paused and studied his best friend closely. "I know that now. I wouldn't let myself believe it before, James. I honestly couldn't imagine that you would want to be with someone who…someone who was ra…someone who was pregnant at age fifteen with a family that hated him and…I guess I didn't understand, but I do now."
"I love you, Sirius," James whispered. "When I look at you, I don't see someone who is messed up at all. I see someone who has been hurt and is suffering a lot right now. I also see an amazing person who has so many wonderful qualities. I see someone I want to spend the rest of my life with."
Sirius stared at James with tears in his eyes. "I love you," he replied softly as he fell into James' embrace. "I'm so sorry that I pushed you away before. I never want to be without you again, James."
James gently kissed the top of Sirius' head and held his boyfriend as close as was possible. "You won't be, Siri. I promise."
"James?"
"Hmm?"
Sirius lifted his head and looked at James worriedly. "I-I promise I won't hurt myself again, but I…I'm still really…I don't know…I'm still messed up. I've been having nightmares every night about…him. I know this sounds weak, but I'm just really scared. Scared of my father and scared of having a child."
James pulled Sirius into another tight embrace. "I can't blame you at all, Siri. I can't imagine going through any of this. I know it's going to take a long time for you to feel normal again. I'm going to do everything I can to make you feel better and stop the nightmares. And I promise I'll help in any way possible with your child."
"Thank you," Sirius whispered into James' shoulder. "I don't deserve you."
"Siri, we need to talk about…about what I said to you when you first told me," James said uneasily.
Sirius lifted his head. "There's nothing to talk about, James."
"I accused you of cheating on me, Sirius! I fucking called you a whore! I-"
Sirius flinched and James stopped talking.
"Look, James, your words obviously hurt me, okay? When I needed you, you hurt me. You've more then made up for it, all right? Besides, I've done a lot of thinking this week, and…if I'm completely honest with myself, I know I would have reacted the same way probably…had the tables been turned. We both have ugly tempers and don't think before speaking."
"How can you be so forgiving?" James asked.
"Because I know you didn't mean it, and I know you feel guilty, James. I know you love and and I know that I need you more than anyone or anything. Can we just forget about it, please?"
"Are you sure?" James asked warily.
"Yes," Sirius replied firmly. "I love you, James," he murmured sleepily.
"Do you want to take a nap?" James asked gently as he combed his fingers through Sirius' hair.
Sirius nodded his head. "Sorry. I'm just so exhausted. Will you stay with me? I haven't been sleeping well. I just keep thinking about…" Sirius flinched and looked down towards the floor.
James gently pushed Sirius back against the pillows and kissed his boyfriend's forehead. James then curled up next to Sirius. "I'll never leave you," he whispered as he continued playing with Sirius' long locks.
Sirius quickly fell asleep…
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The Worst Kind of Nightmare