Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Trading Places	By : snippyandsnarky Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 18385 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
TITLE: Trading Spaces 6

RATING: R (slash warning m/m)

PAIRING: HG/SS, HP/DM, HP/HG (friendship)

A/N: We will be updating every two weeks, possibly with more than one installment,
depending on fate and life. Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

SUMMARY: What do you call a cross between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin? A prefect!
Don't worry, it's not "what would happen in he had been sorted into . . ." Dumbledore
works in mysterious ways as Voldemort grows in power and daring. Other than that?
Synesyness, Snogging, Shagging, Snippy and Snarky! Trust me, it'll all make sense in a
little while.

GRATUITIES:

Jessicat1982-sorry about the pepsi. Hope you bought lots of windex! Don't go away,
the snakes are about to get Harry in more trouble! Ten House points per review
for you as well, and an extra two for the soda all over your screen.

Jess-Hope you like the book in this one, too! Wow, three reviews from you! Ten house
points to you! Per review!

Arabwel-Got this one out quicker than we promised. Hope you like it.

FlowerFramed-Duck! They've got bug spray! Hope you like this chapter as well as the
last.

Destructive Duo- *blush* Aww, shucks! Glad you're sticking around and still
reviewing. A computer-800 dollars, full set of HP books-40 dollars. Two sets of
movie tickets-32 dollars. Reviews inspiring more fiction-that's priceless.

Aemos-Thanks for leaving a review here as well as on list. *hugs*

Goddessnmb1-Just hang on for a minute, and let's see if we can convince you how
plausible SS/HG can be-Snarky is working on it.

Mirielle-Just think of the action dolls! A Haze that comes with his own herbs, and a
Snippy and Snarky that make fun ofple ple you don't like . . .I'm sensing a new
market here!

Maddy-We're not quite sure. This has tended to be longer than most fanfic we write . . .

Goddess Blue - You came! You reviewed! Snippy really loves your stuff! For all of you
who don't know, she writes some really quality work, and was kind enough to
come back here and read mine after I reviewed every piece she had! It's greatly
appreciated.

clarity-thanks for the encouragement. We can't wait to find out what happens either!

Blue quartz- Thank you for appreciating our dramedy-style, that's very high praise.

White Raven- Look! An extra update! Look for more of Haze in the next part!

Rikka- hope this keeps you laughing

****************************************************************************************************

Harry and Hermione were lounging on her bed watching Practical Magic and
laughing at the outlandish things the movie witches did with their magic. They were
watching an entertainment system that all the prefects had chipped in for the last year.
It was a secret V.C.R, television, and large speakers that they shrunk and passed around
from House to House under the unknowing eye of the Hogwarts' faculty.

Hermione's room was still swathed in Slytherin green but it held a feminine
influence as well. Large silver bows held back the bed curtains. Her bed linens were
white lace and her pillows were embroidered with her initials. There were bowls of
potpourri on her dresser and night stand. She had several thick candles in glass stands.
Large oriental rugs covered the wooden floors. She had two vases of everfresh roses,
one on her dresser and the other on the large wooden table that served as a desk and
meeting place for students.

"Maybe that's what you need to do." Harry said as he pointed to the screen.
"Make a love spell out of flowers."

"I don't need a love spell." Hermione said, giving him a look.

Snippy and Snarky were hidden under her bed, behind the dust ruffle. Snarky
batted away the lacy fabric with his tail. "Honestly, this place is a frilly nightmare."

"I know." Snippy crredrred as he got a whiff of the sprigs of lavender that were
under her sheets. "This is where flowers come to die."

Snarky inched towards the left side of the bed, where Hermione's shower caddy
lay on the floor. "Let's just get the supplies and get gone."

"Yep, Operation Dentist is underway." Snippy said as he poked his head out and
slithered to the caddy for all his worth. Snarky kept a beady eye on the oblivious
prefects and then followed his compatriot. They dove into the caddy with gusto.

On the screen, Sandra Bullock's character was lighting a candle with her breath.

Harry tossed a kernel of popcorn in his mouth. "I bet Snape could do that." He
frowned. "Or maybe he'd make the candle melt."

"It's your fault." Hermione said irritably as she carefully sorted through her box
of jellybeans. She knew which color the more unpleasant flavors were.

"Uh, no. If you recall, Snape had fatal breath long befo cam came on the scene."

"Maybe."

"Definitely!"

"It's probably from testing all those vile potions." She defended. "And, you
helped it along as I recall with your blasted bad breath potion."

"I remember." Harry said with a grin as he leaned back on his elbows.

"Hold on a tick, did he just say that he was responsible for the breath of death?"
Snarky asked, popping out of the caddy with pilfered toothpaste in his grasp.

"I think he did." Snippy said, two angry red patches appearing on his cheeks.
Why I oughta-"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Darn tootin'" Snippy agreed.

"CHARGE!" They yelled.

"Did you hear something?" Harry asked. Hermione dropped her soda on the
floor. "What is it?"

"Snakes!" She saw Snippy and Snarky making for the bed at high speed. They
leapt on Harry and got in his face, brandishing extra toothbrushes in a threatening
manner.

"Do you know how many times I've fainted?" Snippy asked, he was nose to
snake with Harry. He poked him with his toothbrush for emphasis. "HUH?! Do ya?!"

"Yeah!" Snarky snuck up his side, until he was on the other side of his nose, and
proceeded to smack him with his toothbrush on the nose. "Do ya?"

"Whatever you did, undo it!"

"NOW!" They both yelled.

Hermione peered around Harry. "Is that my floss on the floor?"

"Tell her it's going to Snape." Snippy snapped. "And. . .tell her you are doing a
counterpotion."

"Tonight!" Snarky added.

"They want to give it to Snape." Harry told Hermione. "And they want me to
reverse the spell on him."

"I have no problem with that." Hermione said, grinning. They were going to
save her hours of work.

"Well?" Snippy asked. "What's it gonna be, Potter?"

"Death by snake bite or playin' the tooth fairy?"

"That wasn't gay bashing, by the way." Snippy assured him. He bumped
Harry's glasses with his nose. "But I wasn't kidding about the bites."

Snarky held out his fangs and bit down in rapid succession on thin air for show.

"Alright, alright!" Harry saiditabitably. "I'll get on it right after the movie."

"No, you're gonna do it now!" They both shouted.

"Fine, I'll do it tonight."

"I don't know, maybe the counterpotion isn't enough." Snippy said craftily.
"We want him better than he was before."

"Yeah, we deserve more. No snakes have suffered the way we have suffered."
Snarky agreed. "We want him to smell better."

"And not just in a mint-and-gum-kinda-cover-up-the-nasty-stench way."

"We want his teeth to be whiter." Snarky spelled it out. "All the time!"

"Don't forget the mint smell." Snippy reminded.

Snarky glanced at Hermione. "Ask her, I bet she knows. She's like a textbook on
legs."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "They want you to help me.
They want us to give him good breath and white teeth."

"I can help with that."

"I knew she'd know." Snarky said.

"But you two will be administering it." Harry said. "He'd never take a potion
from me."

"We can do that." Snippy agreed. "Anything for minty fresh protection."

"Could it be slipped into his tea or coffee?" Harry asked Hermione.

"I'm afraid not. Those kind of potions are tricky. It has to be absorbed by the
body. If it goes through the digestive track it would be obliterated. The best bet is
absorption through the skin."

"We have to bathe him with it?"Snarky asked in horror.

Harry laughed before saying to Hermione. "They want to know if they have to
give him a bath in it."

"Uh, no, they just have to drop it on him."

Both of the snakes' eyit uit up at what sounded like fun to them. "Operation
Breath Mint begins tomorrow."

*********

Harry stepped back to admire his handiwork. Twenty-four little bottles of minty
potions were all lined up on his dresser. Snippy slithered around his neck to take a
look. "Exccccellent, Harry. That should be enough."

"I don't know about the bottles though." Harry murmured. "Hermione will kill
me if we hurt him." He shook his head. "I have no idea why."

"Sssscared of a girl?" Snarky chuckled.

"Of a girl that's memorized every spell and charm we've ever learned? Um, let
me think. . .yes." Harry grinned, proud of his friend. Suddenly, Snippy's eyes lit up.
He shot out of the room and was back in a matter of moments with a plastic bag full of
brightly colored bits. "What's this?"

"They're called 'water balloons'." Snippy dropped the bag on the dresser.
"Muggle toy. You're supposed to fill them with water and throw them at people you
don't like."

"And where did you get these?"

"The Weasssley twins." Snarky grinned. "S mis misss those two."

"Nipped a lot of great stuff off them. . ." Snippy sighed fondly.

"You're gonna pelt him with the potion?" Harry asked with disbelief.

"That's the plan. . ." Snarky said, his tail twitching because of the implied
criticism.

"Do you think that's wise?"

They moved closer together, red eyes flashing, light glinting off their shiny
scales. "Do you think its wise to question us?"

"Hey!" Harry spread his hands. "Let's not forget who saved you from the
spiders."

"We haven't." Snippy said slyly. "We owe Malfoy bigtime." They both
snicd "td "theee theee theee."

"Ha bloody ha." Harry said, fitting a balloon over the end of a potion bottle.
"This sort of reminds me of a Muggle game I once played. . .paint ball."

*********

Draco Malfoy walked down to the dungeons where Snape's office was located.
His mind was filled with a myriad of images. All stemming from what he was about to
do this evening. He needed to speak with the Professor and prepare himself. Draco
felt both burdened and blessed with his secret. He both dreaded and looked forward to
this evening. He opened the door to the classroom, he was past the point of politeness
where Snape was concerned. The man was practically family.

Draco stepped through the opening and found himself drenched in a blue
substance that smelled of mint. He closed his eyes and wiped a hand over his forehead
to clear it. He heard the distinct sound of snake laughter in the vicinity. After living in
Slytherin House for six years, he'd become accustomed to it.

"Whohoo! How many points do I get for a sex god?" Snarky asked. He and
Snippy high fived each other with their tails.

"That was spot on!" Snippy raved, doing a little shimmy. "I give you two tails
up for accuracy and speed." He eyed his best friend. "But he's just a prefect, that title is
merely honorary.

"Fine. Spoil all my fun." Snarky pouted. "But that gives me eight points."

"Yes, yes, we all heard the point system. One point for a first year, two points
for a second year, etc, etc, ad nauseam. Eight points for a prefect, nine for head boy or
head girl, ten for a professor, 15 for Head of House, 20 for Dumbledore, and 21 for the
other mascots except Griff-Gruff who's worth 25."

"Too bad there's no one here but prefects and professors."

"They'll be more soon!"

Harry stared down at the snakes. "You guys did that on purpose! You saw him
clearly before you threw it."

"And you're what. . .? Shocked and disappointed? We're Slytherins." Snarky
said.

"It's not really sporting to play paint potion with people who don't know they're
playing."

"Yes, but therein lies the fun." Snippy stated.

Meanwhile, Draco was less surprised and more angry as he continued to wring
the fluid out of his uniform. "What? You like the wet look, Potter?"

Harry guiltily stood up from behind one of the desks. "Uh, the snakes did it. . .?"

Snippy and Snarky shook their tails at him. "No one likes a tattletale, Harry."

"And you just decided to go along for the ride?"

"I, uh, I--"

"Articulate as always, Potter." He regarded him for a moment. The green-eyed
boy looked distinctly out of sorts. "And I suppose you expect me to believe that you,
the only parseltongue here, had nothing to do with it?"

Harry shrugged. "Well, I made the potion, but-"

"Just stop talking." Draco held up a hand for a moment and sighed. He looked
down at the blue fluid on his hands. "By the way, what does this do?"

"Oh, it'll give you nice breath and white teeth." Harry told him.

Malfoy's eyes did that strange thing where they looked warm, sultry even. "Any
particular reason you wanted to do that to me?"

"Snakes-" Harry said helplessly.

"I'm going to take a shower." Draco made for the door and then stopped to
glance at Harry. "Alone." He shut the door behind him.

*********
Draco Malfoy rubbed his towel over his hair, tousling the blond locks. He'd just
gotten out of the shower and wore a white towel wrapped around his lean hips. He
now stood in front of the large cheval glass mirror in his room and studied his
reflection.

Tonight would be a turning point in his life. There could be no going back. He
squared his shoulders and squared his chin. Draco hoped that he could fulfill his
purpose tonight. Hoped that he could play the part he seemed to be given in this
strange play. For some reason, his gaze lingered on his own eyes. Silvery blue and
unfathomable. He sought the liar within, the villain he knew he was destined to be. He
moved his stare to the black robe laced with silver that hung shadowed in his closet.

A Death Eater shroud. Malfoy began to smile.

*********

Snippy and Snarky were balancing on the doorjamb in Snape's living room. The
Professor was pacing back and forth before the fire. "Come on, just a bit closer." Snippy
said, holding the balloon coiled in his tail.

"You can do it, Snippy." Snarky enthused. "You must do it, for all snake kind.
This bad breath must end."

Snape surprised them both by throwing himself into a chair.

"Aww, man." Snippy complained.

"Go on, you know what you have to do."

Snippy slithered down the door and onto the floor while Snarky hummed the
'Mission Impossible' theme. They'd both caught the movie when the Weasley brothers
had smuggled it in. "Get him good!"

"Don't worry! I will." Snippy answered as he slunk up the back of Snape's chair.
Just then, Snape stood once more.

"Holy freakin' Merlin!!"

Snippy was rapidly turning red. "I could think of a few places I'd like to put this
balloon and on his skin ain't one of 'em."

"Calm down!" His friend hissed. "We're gonna get through this."

Just then, Lockhart's book snuck through the doorway. "Hey there." Snippy
whispered in greeting.

The book waved and then yelled. "IIIIII'M BAAAACK!!"

Professor Snape jumped and then he pasted on an annoyed expression. "You'd
do well to be quiet or I'll take you to a place of real dark magic."

"But you couldn't because I contain THE Blackest M-"

"Pssst, Book, we're trying to hit Snape with this potion, could you help?"

"I'd be delighted!" The book agreed.

"Who are you talking to?" Snape asked, turning his head, both snakes ducked
out of sight, Snarky flattening himself to blend into the doorjamb.

"The evil spirts I commune with. Are you scared?"

"Petrified." Snape said, deadpan.

"That's right, that's right! FEAR ME!" It jumped up and down. "Bow down to
the frightening, all-powerful-"

"Don't forget long-winded." Snape added, turning away to the window. He was
hoping it would clo closer. Maybe if he aimed for the lake. . .

"You'd better learn to respect evil or I'll. . . I'll-"

"Thanks for the help!" Snippy and Snarky beamed at the book. Snippy tossed
him the potion and made for the doorway where Snarky slithered down to meet him.

The book grinned. "Throw something at you." It lobbed the blue liquid filled
balloon and hit Snape square on the back, soaking through his robes.

"You. . .you . . " Snape was trembling with rage, unable to speak. His eyes were
thunderous as they settled on the book.

"Evil thing? Menace to the wizarding world? Demon?"

Snape advanced on the book. "You're a freckle. . .no, a boil on the ugly ass of
evil."

"Ewwww." The snakes said.

"An ass pimple!??! An ass pimple!" The book stopped, pondering for a moment.
"Wait, I think that's on page 47. Hold on. . ." It flipped it's pages. "I'll really put
pimples on your-" Snape produced his wand and grabbed up the book. His eyes were
filled with a wicked glint. "You're breath isn't as bad as usual."

The snakes grabbed the opportunity to slither out the door. "Sssssucker."

***********

"I say that's ten points each for that!" Snippy crowed in elation.

"I agree." His fellow snake nodded approvingly.

"That only leaves one question."

"Who do we hit next?" Snarky questioned as they slithered leisurely towards
the kitchens.

"What about Haze?" Snippy offered.

"Oh, c'mon. It wouldn't even be worth a point." Snarky pointed out. "We could
sneak up behind him after one of his sessions with Sprout and just pour it on him!"

"I was thinking we should do it as public service. You have to admit, he always
has that smokey sweet scent lingering about him . . .and I'm not talking about patchouli
either . . ." The snakes chuckled.

"Alright, maybe-" Snarky made a choking sound as his slithering was abruptly
stopped by a heavy object landing on his tail. Looking over at Snippy, he noticed a
large golden paw on his tail as well.

"And where are *you* going?" It was Griff-gruff. He looked displeased and
bored, which was to say, he looked as he always did.

"To get a sssssnack." Snarky hissed. "Care to take your paw off me?"

Griff-gruff looked from one snake to the other. "And what are you planning to
do to Hazel?"

"To Haze? Nothing, of course." Snippy gave him ageligelic look, and whipped
his tail away from the griffin.

"Mmmm, yes. I almost believe you." He stepped off of Snarky's tail. "I better
not hear of anyone hurting him or--"

"Or what, Griffyndor? You'll glare at us?" Snippy challenged. "You think you
can take us on?"

Griff-gruff peered past the snakes. "Is that a spider coming down the hall? It's
so big!"

"Sssspider! Where?" Snarky and Snippy leapt into the air, spinning to look
down the hallway.

"Must've been my imagination." Griff-gruff polished his talons on the front of
his fur. "Oh, well."

"That wasn't funny." Snarky glared.

"Strange. I thought it was quite amusing." He turned on his heel and headed
back to his tower. "Sweet dreams you two! Don't let the bed-bugs bite . . ."

"Oh, we are so getting him." Snippy bared his fangs.

"Right after we get a big, big bottle of bug spray." Snarky affirmed.

**********

Hermione gingerly made her way down the castle corridors, mindful of her
footfalls. She purposefully make them softer. She rounded each corner quietly, wary of
rousing another person, ghost, or worse yet, mascot. She was going to Professor
Snape's private apartment. She thought she might have found the answer to the
protection spell and she also had a book of his to return. Of course, she could've
accomplished both of these tasks tomorrow but she was curious.

Hermione wanted to ask him about the folder but she hadn't been able to muster
the courage. Maybe if she saw them out of the teacher/student space she'd be able to
ask him. She wasn't sure what it meant. Was simplimply an exceptional student? Was
he keeping tabs on one of Harry Potter's best friends? If so, why didn't Ron have a
folder? She needed to sort this out before she made more out of it than there really was.

Hermione had nearly rounded the corner to Professor Snape's rooms when his
door opened and he stepped out. She sucked in a breath as she saw him. Snape was
garbed in a formal set of robes shot through with silver. He had a taller pair of shiny
black boots thateredered his knees. On his face was an inscrutable expression, neither
familiar sneer nor rare smile. He turned on his heel and headed down the hallway away
from her. She moved from her place behind the stone wall and followed him. She
carefully matched his steps, lest she make some tell-tale noise.

Rationally, she knew this wasn't the best idea she'd ever had. She was risking
the loss of House points, a tongue lashing, and perhaps even putting herself in danger. .
.but she had to follow him. She needed to follow him. Hermione knew he'd was going
to Apparate to a Death Eater meeting, there was no other explanation for his clothing
or demeanor.

Hermione had a feeling that this wasn't her professor gliding along in front of
her. This was the Death Eater, a disciple of the Dark Lord. Who knows what sins he'd
committed or what acts of treachery he'd been party too. She was fascinated, she didn't
understand how he could be so duplicitous, how he could keep his wits about him
when faced with death for a minor slip up. Hermione told herself that she merely
wanted to see him off. Be in his presence a bit longer.

Hermione lost some of her nerve as he entered The Dark Forest. His robes
swished around him, yet, not even passing twigs and shrubbery snagged the fabric.
Snape had an ominous air about him but that could be said of him on a good day.
Tonight, he was extra sinister and more than a little frightening. She still couldn't turn
back and run for the safety of the castle.

Abruptly, he stopped and she bent down behind the cloaking branches of a pine
tree. She lay her hands against the trunk to steady herself and was dismayed to find
sap there. She pulled her hands free and tried to wipe them on a fallen leaf. When, she
looked up, he was gone.

Had he already Disapparated? Hermione got to her feet and cautiously moved
into the open. She looked around but saw no sign of him. "Blast!" She yelled as she
stamped her foot.

She heard something rustling to the side of her, under the bushes. This wasn't
good at all. This *was* The Dark Forest, after all. She backed away, the thing in the
bushes rattled again. She began to back away a little faster until she hit something
solid. . .like Professor Snape's back as he was Disapparating.

*************

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" Hermione babbled. "And not in the detention sense of
the word, huh?" Professor Snape continued to stare at her, his face a study in shock,
apprehension, and fear. There were on a stone pathway in the center of a forest. The
pathway led to a small clearing that was lit by torches embedded in the earth. This
place held ancient power, the kind that could be harnessed without paying a price.
Hermione could feel it penetrating the soles of her feet, humming under her skin. It
was heady and seductive and oh-so-wrong.

Severus had found his voice. "We will discuss this later. Disapparate out of here
this instant."

Hermione nodded and closed her eyes, summoning the magical force within
herself. She concentrated on Hogwarts. . .her room specifically. But nothing happened.
Magic was influenced by emotion for good or ill and her fear was blocking her magic.
"I can't!" She whispered, her panic rising. "I'm too afraid."

"Dear girl, there is nothing to fear in the place you wish to go. Horrors await
you here." Severus said.

"Thanks!" She bit out. "That really helped calm me down."

"You should be fearful. Do you know what they do to pretty little Muggle-born
girls like you?"

She grasped at the only thing that didn't scare her in the sentence. "You really
think I'm pretty?"

Severus sighed. "That is not the issue at hand." His mind was rapidly playing
out and discarding scenarios. None of them produced desirable outcomes. That is to
say, one that would allow Miss Granger to return home safe, sane, and sound. "Try
again."

She did, willing herself home with all of her might. "Oh God." She breathed. "I
can't. I can't!"

"It's alright." He soothed, wary of drawing attention to them. Luckily, he'd been
the first to answer the summons.

"No, it's really not!" She was irrationally angry with him. "Right now I'm on the
other side of world from the 'alright place'."

"Precisely. This is a time for calm deliberation. I can not Dissapparate you
home. They've already sensed my presence here. We need to find another alternative."

They heard the snapping of a twig under a booted heel. "Severus, there you
are!" The sultry tones of Lucius Malfoy's voice froze the blood in Hermione's veins.
"Well, well, well. An unexpectedat. at. I see why you've been so busy lately, Severus."

"One must have a hobby." Severus said carefully, watching Lucius.

"Hmmm. . .the Granger chit, I believe. Isn't she a friend of," His smile widened,
she thought he resembled a shark. "Harry Potter?"

"My name is Hermione." She said steadily. "And, yes, Harry's my best friend."

"It speaks!" Lucius said, eyes alighting with amusement. He walked in slow
circles around her. "That's unfortunate."

Snape placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her back against him. With
a swirl of motion, he encompassed most of her form with the voluminous folds of his
cloak, concealing her from Lucius' gaze. "You'd do well to keep your eyes off my toys,
Lucius. You should know by now I don't play well with others."

"And since when do you bring your toys to important meetings?" Lucius' eyes
narrowed. "What's going on here?"

"The last I checked, Malfoy, you were not in cha" Sn" Snape's voice was calm
and mocking. "I don't explain myself to you." He met his eyes. "Perhaps one as
ambitious as yourself should remember his place, lest the Dark Lord find your hunger
for power a little too strong."

"What are you implying, Snape?"

"That you might start watching your front as well as you do your back. That
might keep your nose out of my business, where it belongs." And with that he swept
away from the angry man, bearing Hermione along with him, his grip on her shoulders
somehow reassuring, his mastery of the situation giving her hope.

Hermione couldn't resist a glance back over Snape's shoulder. For a moment,
Lucius Malfoy stood, watching them. Then, as if some small noise had grabbed his
attention, he turned to the side. Another man in a cloak, maybe an inch shorter than
Lucius appeared at his side. As she watched, Lucius put his hand on the man's
shoulder, then pulled him into a brief, fierce hug full of pride. When they turned to
follow her and Snape up the stone path to whatever lay before them, she caught a
glimpse of the young man's face before he put his mask in place. Draco? She couldn't
be sure.

"Don't bother looking back, Miss Granger." Snape's grip tightened. "We must
confront what's ahead of us now."
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