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Soapy Residue	By : quitedemented Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 3872 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
.:THIS IS NOT CHAPTER SIX. THIS IS A BIT OF INSANITY THAT I WANTED TO INCLUDE IN AN AUTHOR�S NOTE BUT IT RAN TOO LONG. IF YOU WISH TO CONTINUE ON TO THE REAL CHAPTER SIX DO SO NOW, BUT I URGE YOU TO RETURN AND READ THIS AFTERWARDS AS I BELIEVE IT TO BE QUITE FUNNY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME:.
Draco: Ah ha! There you are! Where the Hell have you been?!

QD: Umm around?

Draco: *taps foot and raises eyebrow* Around? Around where exactly? And what have you been doing that was so exceedingly important to have kept you from writing anything for three weeks!?

QD: I was just busy, you know? With....things *looks around nervously*

Draco: *suspiciously* What kind of things?

QD: Umm you know, spring cleaning, job hunting, stuff like that.

Draco:*narrows eyes* You hate cleaning and you only go looking for work when forced bodily out of the house. What were you really doing? And who were you talking to the other day when I came to tell you an idea I had for SR? It wasn�t one of your muses because I know what it they sound like. So who was it!?

QD: Nani?

Draco: *eyes widen* What did you just say!?!

QD: What! I said what!

Draco: No you didn�t you said �nani�! Have you been
reading another fanfiction genre?

QD: NO! *hides something behind back*

Draco: What was that?

QD: Nothing!

Draco: *tries to look behind QD�s back* Let me see it, what are you hiding!?

QD: Nothing! *tries to dodge Draco but is tackled* AHH! Stop it leave me alone! Hey give that back!

Draco: *grabs small box from QD and starts to read it*

QD: NO! *makes grab for box but misses*

Draco:*turns to look at QD calmly* Pocky?

QD:*cringes* Um it�s not what you think!

Draco: *speaks quietly through fury* Oh? You disappear for weeks, I hear you speaking to strange men you refuse to identify,*voice rising* you have been eating Pocky and you spoke JAPANESE! You�ve gone back to them haven�t you!?!

QD:*wrings hands and backs away slowly* I..I... well that is to say..

Draco: You have! You bloody stinking back stabbing, two timing, WHORE!

QD: *turns red with anger* How dare you call me that!

Draco:*sneers* What would you call it then hmm? Sneaking around behind our backs and seeing your ex�s!

QD: *sputters* I wasn�t sneaking around behind your backs!

Draco: Yes you were! You haven�t given us half a thought in weeks! All this time we thought you were busy with something important and you were off reading about those...those titanium flying teenaged tarts!

QD: Their mobile suits are made from gundanium *slaps hand over mouth*

Draco: AH HA! I knew it you have gone back to them!

QD: *shoulders sag and looks at feet* yes.

Draco: How could you?! After all we�ve been through, the stories, the plot bunnies, the things I let you do with me!

QD: Draco I�m sorry I couldn�t help it!

Draco: *outraged* Couldn�t help it!? You cheat on us for weeks and all you can say is you couldn�t help it!

QD: It wasn�t supposed to be like this! It was only supposed to be one story but then... well I got carried away.

Draco:*crosses arms and turns away from QD*

QD: *pleads* Draco please don�t be like this.

Draco: How do you want me to be after what you�ve done. I mean it�s one thing to read a pairing without me in it but to go back to them .

QD: *runs hand through hair* Draco you knew I still had feelings for them when I started writing, you had to know there would be a chance of me going back to them.

Draco: *stiffens* So you�re leaving us to go write about them then are you?

QD: What?! No! You know I only write HP fanfiction.
Draco: Yes, well I also thought you only read HP fanfiction.

QD: *sighs* Draco you knew I loved them first. I loved Gundam Wing before I had even heard of Harry Potter. You just have to face it that you and Harry aren�t the first H/D pairing I fell in love with.

Draco:*swallows thickly* S-so who do you love more?

QD: *stares off into space* I...I can�t answer that Draco. I wish I could tell you it�s you and Harry but there are some really great Heero/Duo stories out there. In fact I popped my fanfic cherry on a 1x2 story and you know what they say about your first? They�ll always hold a special place in your heart.

Draco: *wraps arms around self* So I take it you won�t be giving them up?

QD: *shakes head* No I won�t. At least I won�t stop reading them.

Draco: C-can you at least tell me why?

QD: Why what?

Draco: *scowls* Why you went back to them!

QD: Oh. *links hands behind head* Well as you know I�ve been having trouble with SR. Well...I-I guess I just wanted to get away from it so I started reading again. At first it was still in the Harry Potter genre I just switched to SS/HP�s for a change of pace. But it wasn�t enough I needed to get away from all things Harry Potter so I went to Bleach first because I had been watching it lately. I found a few good ones but that wasn�t enough. Then I went to Death Note but I found that there were very few with the L/Light parings and that�s the only one I like so that was the end of that. Then I thought �Hey why don�t I go to gwaddiction and read an old favorite or two?�. Well two lead to three and three to four and so on. Then I thought �hey I wonder what Kraken�s been up to?� and checked out her site but it hadn�t been updated so I went to mediaminer and read some of her newer stuff. I read that for awhile then I got bored with it and went looking for something else that�s when I stumbled over GW_ShenLong again. I found one of her stories �Chimaera� I had seen it before but had skipped over it in the past because it was 126 chapters long. But this time I had to read it. I mean it was a mpreg Draco! Duo was a hermaphrodite and didn�t know it and got pregnant by Heero! You know how much I like mpregs!

Draco: So you�ve been with two other genres not just the GW boys hmm. *looks disgusted* Gods I can�t believe you.

QD: *bristles* Hey I have needs too you know! It isn�t all about you all the time! I needed something and you and Harry weren�t giving it to me so I went back to someone I knew that could!

Draco: Oh yeah?! And what did they give you that we don�t huh? What the fuck could you get from them that you couldn�t get from us?!

QD: REAL LIFE!

Draco:*is shocked*

QD: I get real life shit with them not stretching and lubrication charms and magical miracle potions that can cure everything! I get stories about real life prejudices and awkward, painful first times and AIDS that doesn�t have a cure. Rapes that can�t be forgotten with a pensive and an obliviate. AND FUCKING CAR AND PLANE RIDES NOT A BLOODY PORTKEY! *breathing hard*

Draco: *quietly* oh.

QD: *runs hand through hair* I just wanted to read something that could actually happen in real life *holds up hand to stop Draco from interrupting* No not the hermaphrodite bit! Or the mobile suits and space colonies. But real life situations and having things happen that you know can�t and won�t be fixed with magic. The world of Harry Potter is a great place to escape to. I love the HP world, I love being able to fix everything with magic and a bout of hot sex but the real world�s not like that. And yeah, I know GW isn�t the real world either but some of it�s a little closer and I just needed that for awhile okay?

Draco: Yeah okay..........*looks annoyed* But I better see some of those bouts of hot sex soon or I�m going to be pissed!

QD: *laughs* Okay Draco no problem.

Harry: Hi QD where have you been lately?

QD: *rolls eyes* Draco can tell you later and I really can�t talk right now I need to post the next chapter.

Harry: Chapter six? It�s done?

QD: Yes, Thank Merlin, it�s done.

Harry: Brilliant! Well go on then!

QD: I�m goin� I�m goin� sheesh!

Harry:*looks behind QD* Uh QD what�s with the rabbit?

QD: Huh?

Harry: The rabbit, the one that�s behind you.

QD: *turns around and sees rabbit* Oh that�s not a rabbit. That�s a plot bunny. *nods to self*............*eyes widen* PLOT BUNNY! AAAAHHHHH! GET AWAY YOU EVIL BEAST!

Harry: What�s wrong? I thought plot bunnies were good. I thought that was how you got ideas for stories?

QD: *is running from plot bunny* Yes they�re great when you�ve got...*jumps to the side* nothing going on and there�s only one of them but AH! *stumbles* the little bastards keep finding me and biting me and I�ve got like six half finish stories I�m working on right now! *dodges bunny�s lunge* And that�s not counting SR and sequels and side stories to the stories I�ve already posted! GO �WAY YOU LITTLE FREAK!

Harry and Draco:*watch as QD runs around with arms flailing*

QD: Go away! Go away! I don�t want any more ideas! *turns around abruptly and punts bunny far away* HA! Take that you little fucker! *looks down at foot* AAAHHHH! It bit me when I kicked it! *starts cursing and throwing things*

Draco: QD needs counseling.

Harry: Or some thicker shoes.

QD: Stupid fucking thing! Argg! Another damned idea, fucking Hell! Why can�t I catch a break!? *continues cursing and throwing things*

Harry: Uh QD?

QD:*stops mid throw* What?!

Harry: Who are those guys?

QD: *turns around* Duo! Heero! What are you doing here?

Duo: Hey QD! Me and Heero had an idea for a story we thought you might like to hear!

Heero: Hn

QD: *drops random object* Oh really?

Draco: OH NO YOU DON�T!!

Everyone:( except Heero:) *jump in shock*

Heero: *death glare*

Draco: You will NOT be writing their story!

Duo: And just who the Hell are you to tell QD what to write?!

Draco: I�m Draco bloody Malfoy that�s who! And there�s no fucking way I�m letting you take QD away from me and Harry!

Harry: Wait, take QD away? Why would they try to take you away QD?

QD: Umm....

Draco: Go on tell him! Tell him where you�ve been and what you�ve been doing!

QD: I...I...I...*starts backing away*

Duo: QD doesn�t have answer to you! You tell them QD, tell them you can write about whatever you want including Gundam Wing fanfiction!

QD: *whimpers and backs self into corner*

Draco: QD will NOT be writing anything but Harry Potter fanfition! And even if QD did want to write about another genre it wouldn�t be Gundam Wing!

Ichigo: That�s right, it would be Bleach!

Uryuu: Precisely my thoughts.

Draco: Who the Hell are you?!

Ichigo: Not of you fucking business blondie!

Harry: By the looks of his hair he could be related to Ron.

Uryuu:*pushes glasses up* We�re from Bleach perhaps you�ve heard of it?

Duo: I have! I own a bunch of the mangas! I have to have Heero translate them sometimes. Isn�t that right He-chan?

Heero: Hn

Harry: Mangas? What�s a manga?

Duo: They�re like long comic books. Here I have one with me check it out. *hands Harry a Bleach manga*

Harry: Wicked!....but it�s all in Japanese.

Duo: Well yeah most of them are, here I�ll explain it to you. *leads Harry off to the side to explain manga*

Draco: *seething* I don�t care who you are QD is not writing about you!!

L: Correct the author known as quite_demented will be writing a story about Light-kun and myself.

Ichigo: Who the Hell is this little freak?

Light: This *gestures to L* Is the great detective known as L, but I he also answers to Ryuuzaki.

L: And this *gestures to Light* is Light Yagami, I also suspect that he is Kira though I am only 83% sure.

Draco: Where the bloody Hell are all you people coming from?! And who�s Kira?

L: Kira is a mass murderer who kills people by writing their name in a notebook known as a Death Note. This Death Note was given to Kira by a Shinigimi who Kira now controls to some extent.

Ichigo: You can�t control a Shinigami with a notebook!

L: And how do you know this?

Ichigo: Cause I�m a Shinigami!

L: No, I have seen a Shinigami and you look nothing like it so therefore you can not be a Shinigami but as you know of Shinigamis that must mean that you are if fact another Kira.

Ichigo: I ain�t a Kira ! What ever that is. And I am so a Shinigami!

Duo: *looks up from reading manga with Harry* Are you guys talking about me?

L: Are you admitting to being Kira?

Duo: Who�s Kira? No I�m talking about being Shinigami, that�s me.

Uryuu: You�re not a Shinigami or I would have sensed you.

Duo: I�m a Shinigami I�m the Shinigami. And you know you look a lot like my buddy Wufie except you�ve got glasses and you�re not as uptight.

Wu Fie: INJUSTICE! Why was I not invited to this gathering?

Duo: WUFFIE! How ya doin� buddy?

Wu Fie: Maxwell my name is Wu Fie not Wuffie how many times must I say this?! Yuy, what�s going on here anyway?

Heero: I am unsure I did not receive mission details.

Draco: He speaks!

Duo: Of course he does, He just doesn�t do it often.

Wu Fie: Unlike some people.

Duo: *sticks out tongue*

2-D: I fink we might be lost Mudds. Oh hey are guys havin a party or sumffin?

Draco: Bloody Hell now who�s walked in?

Harry: OH! I know them! It�s 2-D and Murdoc from the Gorillaz! I Love their music!

2-D: *eyes go wide* You�re Harry Potter! *turns to Murdoc* Mudds it�s Harry Potter! It�s Harry Potter Mudds!

Murdoc: *hits 2-D upside the head* I heard you the first time dullard so stop screamin� in my ear.

2-D: OW! What�d �ave to that for? I didn�t do nuffin.

Murdoc: *hits 2-D again* shuddup face-ache. Oi where�s that little piss ant QD at? I want a word.

Everyone: *looks around*

QD: *whimpers and slides to the floor in corner*

Murdoc: Oi there you are. Listen �ere you. I want you ta write a story �bout me an� D.

2-D: Yeah one were Murdoc don� �it me so much.

Murdoc: *hits 2-D* Shuddup!

Draco: No. No. NO. NO! NO! QD isn�t writing stories about any of you!

Murdoc: Oh yeah pretty boy? An� whatter you gonna do to stop it?

Draco: *pulls wand* This! Expelliarmus!

Murdoc: *goes flying backwards*

L: KIRA!

Ichigo: HALLOW!

Heero: OMAE O KOROSU!

2-D: ZOMBIES!

Everyone:*stares at 2-D*

Harry: He�s right there are zombies coming this way and they�ve got a herd of plot bunnies with them!

Everyone: *Start yelling, cursing, arguing and throwing things as they start to crowd towards QD and the zombies and plot bunnies close in*

QD: *pulls knees up to chest and buries face against them*

Draco: You can only write about Harry Potter!

Duo: No you have to write a 1x2 story!

Ichigo: QD�s going to write a Bleach story!

L: You are all mistaken QD will be writing a Death Note story.

Murdoc: Hell to, the little twerp will be writing one about me!

2-D: The zombies are gettin� closer!

QD: *whimpers and rocks in place in the corner*

Snape: SILENCE ALL OF YOU!

Everyone (including the zombies and plot bunnies): *stop and stare*

Snape: What in Merlin�s name is going on here?!

Draco: Uh... well... I suppose it would be easiest if you just read what�s happened so far. *Hands over copy of script so far*

Snape: *reads script* I see. So you�ve all come to try to get quite_demented to write a story about you is that it?

Everyone: *Nods*

Snape: And what do you call this *waves script*

Duo: A story?

Snape: Precisely. So why are you all still badgering the poor child to write a story about you when it has already been done?

QD: *mutters* m�not a child *starts rocking and whimpering again*

Everyone: *blink*

Duo: *waves script* Well this isn�t exactly what we were going for.

Ichigo: *grabs script* Yeah, this hardly counts.

Snape:*snatches script back* Be that as it may, you have all now been featured in a story by quite_demented and now I think you should all be going.

Everyone: *start protesting*

Snape: Now! Or I will start firing Crucios randomly into the crowd.

Ichigo: Fine whatever, come on Uryuu.

Uryuu: Right *follows Ichigo out a door that has suddenly appeared*

Murdoc: What a load of bollocks. Come on dullard!

2-D: In a minute. *turns to Harry* Can I �ave your autograph?

Harry: Sure, but only if I can have your�s!

2-D: Deal!

Wu Fie: What a waste of time.

Heero: Hn

Duo: *sighs* I was really hopin� QD would write about us *looks down* Ooo Pocky!

L: Pocky you say? What kind?

Duo: Strawberry, you want some?

L: Please. *takes some of offered Pocky*

Duo: What about you Light?

Light: No thanks. Sweets are more Ryuuzaki�s thing.

Duo: Anyone else?

2-D: I�ll take some.

Harry: Me too, I�ve never had it!

Draco: *grumbles* stupid Pocky.

Harry: Hey this is pretty good.

Others who are eating Pocky: *nod*

Harry: *glances at 2-D* You know I didn�t know people wrote Gorillaz fanfiction.

2-D: Oh yeah it�s out there awright, but there�s not much of it. Mos�ly it�s like me�n Noodle or Murdoc an� Noodle but there�s some wiff me�n Murdoc too. Tha�s what QD reads.

Draco: Gods are there any genres QD hasn�t read in the past month!?

Duo: Would you get over yourself, Sheesh! Everyone likes a little variety from time to time even QD.

2-D: So what are we gonna do not tha� we know QD won� be writin� a story for us?

Duo: I vote for going to get some food!

Wu Fie: *mutters* big surprise.

L: I vote for something sweet.

Light: *rolls eyes*

Harry: How about we go to Florean Fortescue�s Ice Cream Parlor, they�ve got just about every flavor you can think of!

Duo: I second that!

2-D: Me too!

L: Yes that sounds good to me as well.

Light: I guess that�s settled then. Where to Harry?

Harry: This way follow me. *leads everyone out another door*

Snape: *watches everyone leave then turns to QD* It�s alright to come out child, they�ve all gone now.

QD: *whimpers again* What �bout the zombies and plot bunnies?

Snape: *banishes the zombies and AK�s the bunnies* There now, now they are gone as well. Will you come out now?

QD: *looks around cautiously before standing up* Thanks Sev. *hugs Snape*

Snape: *stiffens then pats QD on the back* It was nothing child, now what about this new chapter of yours?

QD: *mutters from somewhere in the region of Snape chest* M� not a child.

Snape: How old are you?

QD: 23

Snape: And how old am I?

QD: Nearly 40

Snape: Then you are a child. *pries QD off himself* Now are you going to post the next chapter?

QD: *pouts* Yeah, yeah I�m going *looks around* Hey where�s my Pocky?

Snape: I believe the boy with the ridiculously long hair found it and he and a few of the others ate it.

QD: That was my last box!

Snape: Oh pipe down I�ll get you another box.

QD: *smiles brightly*

Snape: After you post chapter six.

QD: *huffs* Okay, okay! *turns to the readers* Here�s the next Chapter of �Soapy Residue�, Enjoy! *turns back to Snape* Now will you get me more Pocky?

Snape: *rolls eyes* Yes, come along now my little author.

QD: *hurries after Snape*
AN: Yes I do, in fact, read stories from all those genres and pairings. Yes I know I�m crazy and this, along with my story �What Now QD�, proves it. No I won�t be writing any fanfics for any genres other than Harry Potter anytime in the near future. This was used to curb the urge to do so. Now please go enjoy chapter six. Oh and Mad Props to the reviewer who created the CD with all the songs from �Bubble Trouble� (in order!) and who plays it all the time (you know who you are) my friends also wonder what I�m laughing about when I hear those songs as well. Cheers Mate!

quite_demented
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Soapy Residue