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A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy	By : AnasellaEmm Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 75943 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter related characters, places and themes belong to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury and Scholastic.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews! The chapter title comes from the song �Clocks� by Coldplay.

Chapter 6: Trouble That Can�t Be Named
��Will you marry me?�

�Sure,� Hermione replied. �How does next Wednesday sound?�

�Huh?� Draco asked, his mind not quite fitting all the pieces together.

�Oh, I�m sorry, I thought we were rehearsing for the �you�ve lost your fucking mind� theatre,� she said.

�Wow, Granger, do you kiss your mummy with that mouth?�

Hermione scowled at him, still confused as to what just happened. �If you�re here just to annoy me, then you�ve succeeded. Now, can you leave so I can go back to hating you in solitude?�

Draco shook his head and sighed. �I�m sorry, that came out all wrong.�

�I don�t know how a marriage proposal from you directed at me can ever come out right,� she said.

�I need to speak with you and I want you to hear me out,� he said earnestly.

Hermione furrowed her brows and leaned against the doorway. �Have you been drinking?�

�No, but a drink would probably soften the blow,� he replied. �You�re dressed, so can I take you to the pub around the corner and we can talk?�

God, he looks pathetic standing there not even a scowl or a smirk on that chiseled face of his. He actually looks like he really needs to talk to me.

�I�m still not sure what you�re doing here,� she said.

Draco looked like he was keeping his temper reigned in by clenching his fists. �I need to discuss something with you and I would appreciate it if you�d consent to give me a chance to explain everything.�

Hermione bit the inside of her bottom lip, wondering if this was all some sort of sick ruse to lure her from her flat where she would be subject to almost all types of mischief. He did look desperate�

If there was one thing that she�d perfected over the years, it was her immense curiosity. Right now was one of those times when it overruled all other thought processes.

�Ok, fine. Let me just grab my cloak,� she relented.

Draco breathed a small sigh of relief, though it was very small because he knew he still had a lot ahead of him.

�Ready?� she asked, closing the door behind her and locking it with her wand.

He let her lead them out of the building and towards the pub down the street. The Tilted Kilt was a new pub that had only been open for a few months and it was a muggle one, due to the fact that Hermione lived in a muggle neighborhood.

Hermione watched as Draco went to the bar and ordered three fingers of brandy for him and a glass of pinot noir for her.

Typical male. I can order my own friggin� drink. But damn, how did he know what I liked?

He handed her the glass and they walked towards the back of the dim pub and into a booth, sitting across from each other.

For the first minute, Hermione watched Draco trace his finger around the edge of his glass. He pursed his lips and moved them from side to side as he sat deep in thought. She took a sip of her wine and cleared her throat.

�Thank you for the drink. I�d pay you, but I left my wallet at home,� she said quietly.

�Don�t worry about it,� he said gruffly after downing the entire content of his glass. �Ok, now that my throat is numb, I think I can explain everything.�

Hermione took another sip of wine and watched Draco take a deep breath.

She put her glass down and waited for him.

�I might lose my son,� he said after a second.

Hermione felt her jaw loosen and her eyes open slightly wider. �What do you mean you might lose your son?�

�I could lose full custody of him to my ex-wife,� he said, rubbing his forehead.

�But� why?� she asked.

�When I got divorced, I was given custody of Zane since Pansy didn�t much care for him��

�Wait, Pansy is Zane�s mother?�

�You sound surprised,� he drawled.

�I knew you two were an item back in school��

�To save face, I had the worst judgment as a teenager. She was willing and I was a randy adolescent,� Draco explained, summoning the barkeep for another brandy.

�That much is obvious,� she replied. �I never could understand how anyone could stand her.�

�If it comes to the topic of Pansy Parkinson, we could agree to the nth detail. We could form a best friendship based just on our hatred of her, I assure you,� he smiled slightly.

Hermione didn�t know why she was smiling back. The prat actually had a sense of humor.

�Back to the point,� he said. �Pansy wants custody of Zane and only for the reason of receiving the child support I would have to pay her. I�m being honest when I tell you that she doesn�t love her son. Zane doesn�t even recognize her as his mother and he even called her Pansy while we were still married.�

�Poor Zane,� Hermione mumbled.

�Poor me,� Draco corrected. �She barely talked to the kid, but she always found time to annoy the shit out of me.�

�I can believe that,� she said, taking another sip. �I did partner with her once or twice for Potions. What I don�t understand is if she doesn�t love her son, then how can she gain custody of him?�

�She re-married,� Draco said and was ready to explain the Ministry rules and traditions when Hermione gasped.

�How awful! Poor Zane,� she whispered, her hand clutching the stem of the wineglass. �I absolutely hate the Ministry.�

�Wait, you know about their custody customs?� he asked.

�Of course I do,� she replied. �I've studied everything there is to know about laws concerning children and families. It�s my specialty because before I opened the school, I wanted to become a Family Services Judicial Advocate. I changed my mind though once I researched uncontrollable magic in toddlers and young children.�

�So, you understand that because Pansy is now married, no matter how horrible a mother she is, she�ll still get to take Zane.�

Hermione nodded solemnly. �I know� and I�m so sorry, Malfoy. I know you�re a good father to Zane and he loves you and, oh my god��

She drifted off, staring at him with her mouth wide.

�You�re not serious, tell me you�re not serious,� she said, blinking rapidly.

�What?�

�I know that you get to keep Zane if you represent a family foundation by marrying someone. Malfoy, tell me you were joking when you asked me to marry you.�

Draco sighed and traced the empty brandy glass with his fingers. �It�s only for six months, Granger��

�No, absolutely not. You have completely lost your mind. I should be the last person to consider, mostly for the reason that I absolutely loathe you and everything about you. Might you have forgotten your extreme hatred towards me?�

�I haven�t forgotten,� he nearly growled. �You never give me a chance to forget.�

�We can�t go five minutes without fighting, Malfoy, I have no idea what went through your mind when you came to talk to me. I�m really sorry about all this, but I can�t help you. I�m sorry.�

She grabbed her cloak, lying next to her on the seat and straightened her knees to stand when she was caught off guard with Draco�s hand on hers.

She froze and stared at his hand on top of hers, keeping her still. It was a very warm hand. Long, slender fingers� a silver ring resting on his thumb. Was it suddenly hot in the pub? Goodness, they needed to fix the bloody air conditioning system. Ok, his hand� very warm. Did we cover that?

�I can�t lose my son, Granger,� he said quietly, leaning forward. �He�s everything to me and I wouldn�t ask you if I didn�t have a good reason.�

�What�s the reason?� she managed to ask, surprised to find her voice working. She moved her gaze to his and was surprised by the anxiety and the desperation radiating from those grey irises.

�You�re the perfect choice because Zane is already attached to you and because when you leave at the end of the six months, he�ll still get to be around you at school. I can�t marry someone and then expect him not to be affected when she leaves for good.�

�Marry someone you love, Malfoy. That way, they won�t be able to leave,� she said, easing her hand out of his.

He wouldn�t let go of her hand. He held it tighter and squeezed her fingers gently. �I have three weeks before the inspections start. Do you know about the inspections?� He watched as she nodded slowly. �I don�t have time to marry someone based on true love and all that bull.�

Hermione looked away from him. His eyes were starting to disconcert her. He looked so needy and� human.

�I�m going to pay you and everything. A thousand galleons a month for the six months��

Hermione dropped her jaw. �Six-thousand galleons? Have you gone insane? That�s too much money.�

�It�s enough to keep the school open for the next ten, maybe fifteen years� and it�s not all my money. My parents are giving half because they don�t want me to hand Zane over to Pansy. Despite what you might think of them, they love their grandson and wouldn�t want him to ever have the displeasure of being raised by her.�

She looked at him closely. �You know the school isn�t having the financial success it should� how�d you know?�

�My mother has acquaintanceships with ladies who are married to the right people. They aren�t the most discreet sort. I can find out things about almost anyone.�

�I don�t think I can accept so much money,� she said.

�Don�t think of it as accepting it. I�m paying you to help me out. Think of it as a job; you�re earning it for marrying me, being a mother to Zane and passing the inspections.�

�A job? I don�t know�� she said, biting her lip. His hand still held hers. Her mind was suddenly filled with the strange notion that she wanted to paint his nails. Maybe she should have had less sips of wine.

�Please, Granger. I�m completely ignoring my ego and begging you to help me out. Listen, don�t do it for me� do it for Zane. You like him, right?�

Hermione seemed startled. �Of course I like him. He�s a wonderful child.�

�Do you want him to end up with Pansy? Would you wish that on your worst enemy? Wait; that would be me. Would you wish that on me?�

She smiled lightly. �I don�t know about this. You�re right; I don�t want Zane to be taken away from you because like I said before, you�re a great father to him. I� I just�so if I'm married to you for six months, I won't be able to date other men will I?�

�We would have to make it seem as real as possible. If you slept with an undercover DMP, we would be screwed. Or if you went and shagged some idiot who can't keep his mouth shut and Pansy or the DMPs found out, then they will know we're faking it.�

�So, I�m supposed to just forget about my sex-life for six months?�

He raised his eyebrow in a smug gesture. �Sex-life? Be honest, Granger.�

She dropped her jaw and Draco could practically see the steam coming out of her ears... until she sighed tiredly. �Ok, I don't have much of a sex-life.�

�If by �much of a�, you mean none at all...�

She threw him a nasty look and snatched her hand from his. �For your information, Draco Malfoy, I've had my share of men and I�m willing to bet they're ten times the lover you are.�

�We can sit and discuss how wonderful I am as a lover, Granger, but that would take too long and I really have to get some other things done today.�

He instantly sobered up when she made to leave again. He grabbed her hand once more to stop her.�Listen, I know I'm asking you to give up a lot, but I'm asking you for this because I love my son, Granger. I love him more than anything on this earth and if I lose him...� he shook his head. �I can't lose him. I know I haven't been the nicest person to you, nor do I plan to start, but I have no other reasonable options."

Draco released her hand. �I�ll give you time to think about my offer. I need to know by tomorrow night, though, in case I have to find someone else to help me out. Although, I doubt I�ll be able to do it without ruining my son�s future outlook on life.�

�Guilt, Malfoy? You�re going to use guilt to persuade me?�

�I�ve tried begging, I�m giving you more than enough money� I�ve run out of options, Granger. I�m also running out of time. Get back to me by midnight tomorrow with your answer.�

He stood up from the booth and left her sitting there, staring at the empty bench he had previously occupied.

What the hell just happened?

------------------------------------------

Hermione reached her flat and picked up the note taped to the door. It was almost eleven at night and she had walked very slowly from the pub, her mind filled to the brim with so many provoking and staggering thoughts.

She opened the note as she unlocked her door and read the unfamiliar scrawl.

Don�t tell anyone about our conversation. If you choose to help me, no one can know it�s a false marriage. No one. If you don�t agree to help me, well, I�d appreciate it if you didn�t tell anyone that I begged. My pride is wounded enough.

-DM

She couldn�t help the smile that skimmed across her lips. She had driven the dangerously arrogant Draco Malfoy to begging. Begging a muggleborn. The victory was sweet, yet she had no one to tell. Harry and Ron would have loved to hear about how Malfoy had pleaded with her for her help. Donny would probably want to know what he was wearing and if she was able make out his abs through his shirt.

She banished the silly thoughts away and walked into her flat.

Her thoughts went back to the mental conflict she had spent the last two hours mulling over. She knew what the right choice was� she knew she couldn�t just reject his offer for help. That would be cruel.

She was Hermione Granger. She was a sweet, compassionate, selfless person. Someone had asked for her help. They needed her help.

Draco Malfoy needed her. Zane, his adorable, innocent, loving son, needed her. She had formed a small bond with the boy, who had had no maternal influence in his life. For some strange reason, she had unconsciously reached out to him with her tenderness and that female nurturing he had never received.

Could she give up six months of her life to help the one person who had made her years at Hogwarts less than perfect? She hated him. Still hated him. He was rude, arrogant, condescending, made people feel bad about themselves� why should she give up an entire half of a year to help him?

But then again, there was sweet, little Zane. Oh, and the six friggin� thousand galleons!

The money could set Little Witches and Wizards Education Centre up for the next few years and even accept some students on scholarships who didn�t have enough money to attend. She would never have to dock any money from Donny�s or her paycheck ever again� they could even have raises.

But then, there was the ass-face, Malfoy.

But then, there was enough money to save her school.

But then, there was being married to the ass-face.

But then, there was helping Zane stay with the person who loved him the most.

But then, there was the ass-face.

Helping the ass-face keep his son, who he had said was �everything to him�.

Six thousand galleons.

Helping Zane, an innocent child in all of this.

Married to, living with, speaking to� ass-face

Her head hurt.

--------------------------------------------------

Zane watched as his father paced back and forth in front of the fireplace in their living room. His daddy was so tall! He hoped when he was a growmup that he could be tall just like him. Then he could reach the ice cream in the freezer and the chocolate biscuits Gamma kept on the counter. Then he could step on short people.

Then he could fly a broom! God, how he wanted to fly a broom, just like Daddy. But he wasn�t big enough. That�s what Daddy always said.

�Why are you walking?� Zane asked after he realized that nothing interesting was happening.

Draco stopped and looked at his son, sitting on the couch and holding his stuffed tyrannosaurus rex. �I like walking.�

�Why do you keep looking outside of the window? Are you going to get an owl?� Zane asked excitedly. The owl post still fascinated Zane, who practically squealed whenever he caught sight of an owl, especially Infidel, his father�s eagle owl.

�Yes, I�m waiting for an important letter,� Draco explained.

�From who?�

Draco cracked his knuckles. Damn, he asks a lot of questions. �From someone who might help me out on something� for work.�

�I miss going to your work, Daddy,� he said. �I �member I could always twirl around in your chair until I got so dizzy!�

Draco smiled. �I �member how you threw up on me after you did that on a full stomach.�

Zane giggled. �I didn't throw up, Daddy!�

�Oh, yes, you did; all over my business suit-robes. I smelled like spoilt milk and butt until I could find my wand to clean it all up which took a good hour or so�

Zane laughed, throwing his hands to his face in pure mirth. �You said butt!�

Draco watched his son laugh to near tears. His sick, wicked mind almost thought of the possibility that he might not hear that laugh after six months�

No. He was not going to lose his son. Even if Granger didn�t come through for him, he would do whatever it took�

Three rapid knocks on their front door snapped the two males� attentions to the foyer. Zane jumped off the couch, eager to see who was visiting right before bedtime.

Draco grabbed the back of his son�s shirt and lifted him up onto the side-table located in the foyer, setting him down before going to the door. He wasn�t expecting any guests. Maybe it was his mother, coming to make sure they weren�t eating frozen dinners.

He looked through the peephole and felt a band of nervousness tighten around his gut. Hermione stood outside his door, holding on to the strap of her purse as if it were some sort of lifeline. Her knuckles were actually white.

Was she nervous about telling him that she was rejecting his offer?

Pessimism will get you nowhere.

He opened the door and winced when Zane let out a yell.

�MISS HER-MI-ONE!�

Hermione smiled brightly as Zane jumped off the side-table with the grace of a feline and ran to hug her. She knelt down and hugged him tight when he reached her. For such short legs, he sure could run fast.

�You comed over to my house! Can I show you my room and my toys and my daddy�s room and my bathtub and my kitchen and my di-osaur toy? His name is Rosie. Daddy doesn�t like my di-osaur�s name, but my Gamma helped me pick it because she said boy di-osaurs can have girl names and I liked the name Rosie and then Gampa said boy di-osaurs can�t have girl names because that would be gay. And Daddy told me gay means happy so boy di-osaurs can have girl names because that would be happy!�

Zane grinned toothily at his teacher and waited for her response.

�That is so interesting, Zane. I would love to see your dinosaur and I agree with your grandmother. Rosie is a very nice name,� she said with a smile lighting up her face.

Draco hated noticing how she smiled at his son. It made him not want to kill her as much. He didn�t like that feeling.

�Do you know what would be a very good thing?� she asked Zane.

�What?� he asked.

�I think that you should always use the word �happy.� It�s a very nice word and some people don�t like to hear the other word. Happy is so much more fun to say.�

He nodded. �Happy, happy, happy, happy. It is so much fun to say! Come see my room.�

�Ah, Z, I think you should go pick out your pyjamas and then pick out what story you want me to read tonight,� Draco said, before Zane invited his teacher to live with them forever.

Zane gave the most dejected, puppy-dog look he could muster (A trick Draco had taught him to use on Pansy�s friends when they came over for tea. It always managed to get him a few sympathy points and make Pansy look bad. Oh, the tricks they played on that woman.).

�Can I pick two stories?� he asked.

�Yes, now hurry your skinny bum,� Draco said, pushing his son slowly out of the room.

Hermione heard the boy�s giggles disappear down the hall and smiled as she stepped into the foyer, closing the front door behind her. Draco turned to look at her and he ran his fingers through his hair. �Would you like something to drink?�

�No, thank you,� she said quietly, looking around the foyer at the pieces of art Narcissa had bought.

�Come, I�ll give you an abbreviated tour if you�d like,� he said, uncomfortable in his own skin. Social awkwardness was never his forte. He had always been so suave before, but maybe because his future was hanging on the line� the suaveness had completely evaporated.

Hermione smiled knowingly. �It�s quite alright, I just wanted to speak to you and give you my answer.�

�Um, ok. I was actually expecting an owl. But, you�re right; face-to-face is much more awkward and uncomfortable.�

She couldn�t help but laugh nervously. He led them to the living room, which was nicely decorated with leather upholstery and modern d�cor. He gestured for her to take a seat on one side of the couch while he took a seat on the other side.

She sat with her hands folded in her lap, over her purse. Were her knuckles always so white?

Draco leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. �Before you say anything, I just want to thank you for not rejecting me flat-out. That you actually considered my offer means a lot to me and means a lot to Zane, even if he doesn�t have a clue of what�s going on.�

Hermione nodded and suddenly felt a hint of compassion for the man sitting across from her, tapping his heel nervously against the hardwood floors.

�I spent all night, this whole morning and all afternoon up until I knocked on your door thinking about your offer. I even wrote out a list of the pros and cons and did some more research on the Ministry�s laws on child custody and divorce.�

�That�s quite� industrious,� he commented, hiding a grin by pursing his lips.

She rolled her eyes. �I can�t believe you�re making fun of me. No, wait, I can believe it. It was number four on my cons list. Our inability to be civil to each other for a prolonged period of time.�

Draco sighed. �Can you just tell me the answer so I can stop being so nervous?�

Hermione took a breath and looked into his eyes, a risky action in itself. �I want to help you.�

Draco physically relaxed, his smile lifting the spirits of the room tenfold. �Really?�

�Yes, I�ll marry you and help you for the six month inspection period.�

He took her hand in his and softly grasped her fingers. �Thank you so much. I really can�t begin to show you my gratitude.�

Hermione took her hand back. �Your money will be gratitude enough.�

Draco nodded. �Of course. This is purely a business transaction. I�ll even make out a contract if you want.�

�We can write it out right now because I have about a trillion questions,� she said.

�Why am I not surprised?� he mumbled.

�Oh, wedded bliss,� Hermione sighed dramatically. �I�m going to love being married to you.�

Draco internally flinched. He was already screwing everything up by being a horse�s ass. He couldn�t help it though! Cripes, give the man a break� she was so easy to tease and mock. It wasn�t his fault.

�Sorry. You know you can back out at any time. I�m not going to force you to stay or anything,� he said quietly, walking to the adjoining room to grab some parchment, ink and a quill.

�I want you to learn that I keep my word on everything. I told you that I want to help and I�ll help. Nothing you do could make me break my verbal commitment. I�m used to your idiocy by now.�

�Thank you, then,� he said. �I�ll also keep my word. Ever since I had Zane, I�ve found it difficult to break my word to anyone. He�s almost like my conscience. I feel as if he�s always with me, watching what I do� and I don�t want him turning out rotten.�

�I�ve come to realize that Zane has changed you somewhat for the better. Don�t get me wrong, you�re still a conceited jerk, but a somewhat softer, conceited jerk.�

�It�s good to know our hate for each other shall not change because of this,� he said dryly.

�That�s something I don�t understand. We hate each other. You said that you only chose me because Zane sees me in school and when we end this at the end of the six months, it won�t have that much of an effect on him� you could have easily asked Donny.�

�He doesn�t dote on her as much as he dotes on you. I hear your name constantly from the kid�s mouth and even you have to admit that he�s attached to you.�

Hermione nodded. �It�s just all so strange. You really hate me and all because I�m muggleborn��

�Wait, wait� I don�t hate you because you�re a muggleborn.�

She looked at him with disbelief.

�I hate you because you�re annoying. That�s the only reason I ever hated you. I only used to call you that, um, that word, because it would infuriate your friends. I knew it didn�t bother you, but seeing Hairy-scrotum and Measly get all worked up when I used it was quite funny.�

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. �Don�t call them that.�

�You�re right. I guess I have to actually learn to tolerate their presence if we have to convince them that we�re happily married.�

�Oh, God. I�ve forgotten that we have to tell everyone. Oh, God. We have to pretend like we�re in love. Oh, God we have to pretend as if this is all real. Oh, God. Oh, God, they�re going to absolutely hate me.�

�If they�re going to hate you because of this, well then they�re not as good of friends as you might have thought,� he added.

She looked at him for several seconds. �Sometimes you say things that are too wise to come out of your mouth. You never cease to surprise me.�

�I�m a pi�ata of surprises,� he said with no emotion. �Now, let�s get to this contract.�

�Daddy! I�m ready!� Zane said from the doorway, holding his pyjamas in one hand and two books in the other. Rosie the boy di-osaur was caught somewhere in between.

Draco turned an apologetic look towards Hermione. �I should put him to bed before we start.�

�Should we maybe talk to him before he sleeps?� Hermione asked with a smidgen of apprehension. �About what�s going to happen?�

�Oh� yes. That would be fine,� he said, bending down to pick up Zane.

�How would you like it if I read you one of those stories, Zane?� Hermione asked.

His cherub-like face lit up. �I would like it a lot! Can she read to me, Daddy? You read one and Miss Hermione reads one?�

Draco nodded and noticed Hermione smile even brighter. �He said my name right without slowing down.�

He was amazed at how proud she looked, how pleased she was. She followed them into Zane�s bedroom and proceeded to listen as Zane explained every toy and every item existing in his room.

�And this is my bed where I sleep all the time at night and these are my green covers and my green pillows because green is the best color.�

�You�ve brainwashed the poor child,� Hermione muttered to Draco.

Draco smiled coyly and winked at his son who giggled and jumped into the bed, his pyjamas on and Rosie firmly tucked into his side.

Draco and Hermione each read him a story that he had picked out and then turned to each other, wondering how to break the news to the little boy.

As his father, Draco took it upon himself to start. He sat on one side of the bed while Hermione stood on the other side.

�Zane, I have some news for you,� he started off.

The young boy looked at his father expectantly with wide, silver eyes.

�Miss Hermione and I have decided to get married.�

�Wow!� Zane said. �Why?�

�Why?� Draco repeated. �Um��

�Because we love each other, Zane,� Hermione interrupted.

Draco turned a sharp look at her. Is she fucking kidding me?

�When two people love each other, they get married,� she explained.

�You love Daddy?� Zane asked, his dirty-blond brows furrowed.

�Yes,� she replied.

Liar, liar, pants� her entire wardrobe� on freakin� fire!

�You love Miss Hermione?� Zane asked his father.

Draco nodded, unable to tell that big of a lie without bursting out into uncontrollable laughter.

I�m going to parent-hell for lying to the kid. It�s ok, Lucius will also be there. It won�t be so bad.

�Am I still going to live here?� he asked, throwing Draco off-track.

�What?�

�You and Miss Hermione are getting married. You�re going to have a new family,� Zane explained. �Am I going to live with Gamma and Gampa?�

Draco reached out and held his son�s chin in his hand. �Listen, Z. You will always stay with me, no matter what I do, where I am, or who I�m with. I will never let anyone take you from me and I will never replace you with anyone. Got it?�

Zane nodded quickly and looked at Hermione beneath his eyelashes. �Is she going to be my mummy?�

Draco looked to Hermione who bit her lip. �Uh, she�s going to be your step-mum.�

�What�s that?� Zane asked.

�It just means I�m going to be your new mummy,� Hermione lamely explained, shrugging at Draco.

�Can I call you mummy? I�ve never called anyone mummy before and you�re going to be my new mummy and Miss Hermione is sometimes hard to say because it�s long and mummy is easy to say,� Zane said.

Draco rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged at Hermione, throwing the proverbial ball in her court. Zane looked to his father to answer since Hermione was speechless.

�If Miss Hermione doesn�t mind, you can call her that,� Draco finally said, giving in to the inevitable.

I think Tom Riddle Sr. might also be in parent-hell�I wonder what he�s like.

�You can call me mummy, Zane,� Hermione conceded, her heart breaking for the poor boy who had never had a real mother-figure.

�Ok,� he replied and lay back on the pillows. �I�m sleepy now, goodnight. Get out.�

Draco and Hermione shared a smile at Zane�s bluntness. He did have the lack of tact that came from the maternal side of Draco�s family.

They found themselves back in the living room, this time, sitting next to each other to start working on the contract.

�I hate lying to him,� Draco said quietly before they started working.

�Once you get full, physical custody of him granted to you by the Ministry, then it will all be worth it. I�m sure he�ll forgive you when you tell him the truth in the future,� she calmly told him.

�I�m just glad that once I�m granted the custody by the Ministry, Pansy can�t re-petition. I can get this all over with in the next six months and never worry about her again.�

�If you don�t mind me asking, how did you end up having Zane with her? It seems you really hate her.�

�We both got shit-faced at Blaise�s nineteenth birthday party. We ended up having sex in one of his closets and Zane was conceived. I don�t think I�ll ever tell him that story. His future therapy bill is large enough.�

She smiled and reached for the quill and inkwell. �Alright, let�s get started.�

------------------------------------------

Two hours, seven butterbeers, forty-six arguments and ninety-two curse words later, they had finally completed the contract.

I, Hermione Granger, do agree to join Draco Malfoy in authentic matrimony and pose as his wife for the period of six months. The inspection period begins on the fifteenth of March and ends on the fifteenth of September. I agree to wed Draco Malfoy on the fourth of March to allow one, Zane Malfoy, son of Draco Malfoy, to become accustomed to the altered domestic situation.

I, Hermione Granger, do agree not to disclose the fact to anyone that the aforementioned marriage is not genuine. I understand that it is of utmost importance that no one is privy to the knowledge of our false marriage due to the likelihood that a Domestic Ministry Professional could discover the farce. Only in the company of others I shall act the role of devoted wife and mother.

I, Draco Malfoy, do agree to join Hermione Granger in authentic matrimony and pose as her husband for the period of six months. I agree to wed Hermione Granger on the fourth of March to allow one, Zane Malfoy, son of mine, to become accustomed to the changed domestic situation.

I, Draco Malfoy, do agree, only in the company of others to act the role of devoted husband to one, Hermione Granger. I agree to finance Hermione Granger with the promised amount of six-thousand galleons, one-thousand galleons each month, for the duration of the six months.

I, Draco Malfoy, do agree to pay for all Hermione Granger�s necessities (clothes, food, housing, and other personal items) for the duration of our six-month marriage.

We, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, hereby agree to address each other by our given names and to practice even in private to prevent slip-ups.

Draco Lucius Malfoy � DM

Hermione Jean Granger � HG

------------------------------------------------

Draco walked Hermione to the door of his flat and shook hands with her. �I thank you again, Hermione. I really appreciate your help.�

She smiled softly and wrapped her cloak tighter around her body. �It�s strange hearing you say my first name.�

�If it weren�t in the contract, trust me, I�d feel equally strange,� he said.

�I cast a spell on the contract, by the way, after you made the copy. No one but us can read what we�ve written, so there�s no need to worry about a DMP finding it.�

�Thank you,� he said. She gets it! You�re thankful! Now, shut up.

�So, tomorrow we�re going to your parents� home to tell them and then to Kensington to tell my parents. They�re not going to be entirely thrilled that I�m getting married in a week and haven�t even told them. We can improvise a story when we get there. Then, we have to tell the Weasleys and the Lupins and Harry and Donny, of course.�

�I have to be there for those last few ones?� Draco asked with a slight scowl.

�I�d appreciate it if you were there, just so we can present a united front. You�d have to be on your best behavior though and actually pretend like you want to be friends with them all. Remember, we�re in love. I just have to think of some sort of story to tell them of how we ended up engaged...�

"Oh, that reminds me," he said and disappeared from view, leaving her standing in the foyer waiting for a minute.

He came back and held out a ring to her. "To make it official and all, since we have to convince everyone," he paused. "I borrowed it from my mother's collection."

She looked down at the ring coated in white gold and bearing a princess-cut diamond. It was beautifully simple and elegant. She slipped it on her ring finger and looked back up at him as he watched her.

�Um, yes, thank you. So, the day after we tell everyone, I can bring Zane home from school with me, that way you don�t have to pick him up. I can come here and we can begin to plan the wedding. I�d rather we eloped, but if we want everyone to really believe it, a small wedding will be appropriate. Plus, the more people who see us married, the less suspicious the DMPs will be.�

�Sounds fine,� he said quietly.

She looked at the ring on her hand and then into his soulful greys. �I really do want to help, Draco. I don�t want to see Zane end up with Pansy and I don�t want you to lose your son.�

He nodded and smiled slowly at her. �I appreciate everything you�re doing for us. I�ll make sure you have enough money to keep your school running for as long as you wish, even after the six months are over.�

Her brain must have decided that it was temporarily out of service as it seemed to leave her instincts in charge, for her next action completely took the both of them by surprise. She leaned over and kissed his cheek softly.

�I�ll see you tomorrow,� she said quickly and left his flat to go chastise her stupid brain. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Draco stared at the closed door and slowly reached up to touch his cheek. Life has officially turned interesting. Very annoyingly interesting.
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A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy