Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

The Gilded Cage	By : ApollinaV Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 118789 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter or anything recognizable to the HP-Universe, JK Rowling does. I’m not making any money off the writing of this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Chapter 6 – Caveat Emptor, et cetera Mr. Ffoulkes seized upon the moment to break the mounting tension by reshuffling his paperwork and loudly clearing his throat. “We’ve just a few more points to go through, and then any counters you may have Miss Granger. On the issue of children…,” Ffoulkes was quickly cut off. “No. There won’t be any children in this marriage.” “Miss Granger, as you are no doubt aware under new law you are unable to stipulate that in your contract. We must then of course address the issue.” Mr. Ffoulkes said calmly. Mr. Tattings nodded to her encouragingly. Quietly Hermione gathered her anger and pushed it away, she could hardly afford any more emotional outbursts not with the way things were going for her, “I suppose that under the highly improbably circumstance that Voldemort himself rises from his scattered ashes, rebuilds an army of evil murdering Deatheaters, takes over the Ministry, opens the doors to Azkaban, approves of his most loyal servant impregnating his mudblood wife, and I haven’t killed myself by then, then yes, I suppose we could talk about the probability of children.” Hermione was always amused by the way wizards reacted to her cavalier mentioning of the most hated despot. Tattings went as white as a sheet, Ffoulkes closely studied his parchments not meeting her eye, and Snape simply looked at her in amusement with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips. “Or, Mr. Snape could be found innocent on appeal,” Ffoulkes offered. “Yeah, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.” At the unspoken bewildered questions she offered under her breath, “Muggleism.” That was the problem with magic, just about anything was possible. “Right then. Highly improbable, but not impossible. If for any reason the conditions of Mr. Snape’s imprisonment changes, he may be required to father children under Ministry law. Therefore, we have the following requests: Any children resulting from the union will be homeschooled and will never attend any muggle school. Upon reaching the age of eleven children will attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, provided they are not squibs.” Hermione nodded, she might not have agreed with the anti-muggle stance, but she understood it. Expected it really. That and it wasn’t really worth fighting. On the ridiculous chance she was to bear the spawn of his seed, Hermione had always favored homeschooling anyway. “Furthermore Miss Granger will be unable to deny his paternal rights.” “Meaning?” she looked questioning to Mr. Tatting. “It means that if you conceive a child you can’t petition to keep Mr. Snape from the child.” “Fine. What else?” “You and any resulting children retain the Snape name.” “Out of the question. I’m staying a Granger. I could care less about kids, but I’m not taking his name. I have a reputation you know. I run a very successful business and I won’t allow my company to take a hit for this.” As far as Hermione was concerned this was non-negotiable. “Hyphenate then perhaps,” Ffoulkes suggested. “No.” She watched with a slight feeling of triumph as the two men conferred. Mr. Ffoulkes turned back to the contract, frowned, before offering, “We’re prepared to allow you to keep your name for the sake of your business, but any children will be Snapes.” “Agreed.” The contract clause was amended, and Hermione was grateful she got one over on him. “Good,” Ffoulkes sat back looking considerably relieved. “Then the last bit of business we have here is the fidelity clause.” Hermione waived her hand dismissively. All marriages these days came with a standard Ministry-approved fidelity clause. “We are requesting a full fidelity charm to ensure Mr. Snape will not be cuckolded in any way shape or form during his incarceration.” “But that’s ludicrous! How insulting!” she cried. “Is it Miss Granger? Is it really so hard to understand that a man wouldn’t want his wife to take up with someone else.” “Under the Ministry approved clause I would be incapable of doing that.” Snape smiled a snagle tooth grin and Hermione thought again he looked like a pirate, a leering pirate. “Yes Miss Granger, but there’s more than one way to fuck. Or do I need to draw a diagram?” She shuddered, absolutely uncomfortable with speaking with strangers about ‘alternatives’ to textbook intercourse. “That’s not something that you need concern yourself with Snape.” “Of course it is, you’re sexual wellbeing is just as important to me as your overall health. If you have needs I want you to come to me first, not slink off someplace. I may not be able to give you the good fucking you so obviously are in need of, but I can be quite imaginative.” “Are you freakin’ kidding me? I would never… ever…” Hermione shuddered a bit before reemphasizing, “EVER… consider coming to you for my so-called needs. Pervert.” “Don’t flatter yourself Miss Granger you’re not exactly a vision of beauty yourself. You’re hardly a temptress in your wound-tight suits and prematurely lined face.” “Pardon me if I don’t find it necessary to get frilled up for the likes of you.” “Obviously,” he droned blandly. “But the fact remains even if you’re unable to spread your wide hips and mannish legs for some equally unattractive fellow, you could still take up with one in some way or another. And that’s something I’m disinclined to allow. Not when I can provide you the same form of relief.” “What part of ‘I would never in a million years touch you’ don’t you understand Snape? Besides, I don’t know what you think of me, but I don’t get out. I don’t run around with men now, and I can’t see myself doing that in the future either.” “Why because you’re a frigid bitch?” “Yes! Exactly that. You’ve finally got me pegged. I’m a cold frigid bitch.” The statement hung in the air as every man in the room drew a breath. Such declarations were either made by harridans or women looking to start a fight. Either way the witch in question needed to be handled carefully, she was still armed with her wand, and that was how precious bits were lost. Severus recovered first. “A virgin then?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow, curious as whether any bloke had managed to crack her cauldron. As a prefect Granger had a notorious reputation as a cockblocker. “Hardly!” she snorted indignantly. It was statistically impossible to live through seven hormone fuelled years at Hogwarts, survive the Final Battle, and still be a virgin. Hell, Snape had nearly caught her in the corridors at the end of sixth year. Thank the twelve apostles and all the hosts of heavenly angels for silencing charms and invisibility cloaks. That didn’t mean she allowed her own charges to get away with such shenanigans. If they were stupid enough to get caught they deserved every detention. “Lesbian?” “Ha! You wish.” “Then you should have no problem in accepting the clause, though I’m prepared to be magnanimous and allow you use of your hand and any stimulating devices.” There was way too much unadulterated mischief in his eyes for Hermione’s liking. Not that she liked any of it one bit. “Oh I’ll sign your fucking clause. It was never my intension to cuckold you in the first place. I do have integrity you know. It’s just so damn insulting to suggest I ever would. But this does not change the fact that I will never ever touch you. And if you even attempt to lay your hands on me Snape, so help me God I will hex you so hard they’ll be scraping bits of you off the walls for weeks.” Suddenly Snape looked like the cat that ate the canary at this little victory, “How I’d love to see the penseive you telling Potter this.” “Harry?” she asked, momentarily confused. “Why would…?” It took awhile before comprehension dawned, when it did Hermione laughed and laughed unconcerned with the shocked faces from the men in the room. It was such a good laugh her side started aching and tears were forming in the corners of her eyes as Hermione gasped for breath. It took several moments of gasping interspersed with fits of giggles before Hermione calmed. “I never… we never… Potter! Ha!” Wiping a tear from her cheek Hermione tried to keep it together before another round of giggles hit her. “Harry’s gay. G… A… Y… GAY!” Gayer than the Headmaster’s ‘Very-Merry-Happy Un-birthday’ robes, she wanted to add, but that might have been construed as an insult to Harry, which would have been blasphemous given the situation. Oh the sight of Snape’s reddened face was precious. She wanted to take a photo of it to cherish forever. “Shit,” he murmured underneath his breath, “Flitwick owes me twenty galleons.” He’d always taken Harry for a pouf. He’d have bet his every last galleon that James was one too. He’d always been too suspiciously close to that filthy flea-infested mongrel Black. Severus had nothing against homos. The world was full of centaurs, merpeople, half-whatevers, and unidentifiable ‘its’ that creeped around Knockturn Alley. Gay was downright unoriginal. But he drew the line, and his wand at using Lily as a beard. Especially because underneath it all James Potter – the Heartthrob of Gryffindor was such a fucking coward he couldn’t tell his parents he preferred cock. Still, Granger and Potter seemed unnaturally affectionate towards each other. Severus contented himself that he was still getting Potter’s witch, in a way. Ffoulkes cleared his throat and resorted to doing what he did best by reshuffling parchments while all parties at the table desperately tried to get back on track. “The fidelity clause was our final piece of business, and I believe that our side of the contract has been satisfied. Do you have anything to present?” Hermione calmed instantaneously, the switch was so night and day Severus was impressed by it and idly wondered if Hermione happened to practice Occulmency. “We have,” Mr. Tattings spoke up. “On the subject of finances, Miss Granger retains full rights to her business, intellectual property, patents, savings, money market accounts, retirement fund, and venture capital investments. Additionally she will assume zero liability if any of Mr. Snape’s investments require a bail out, or margin call. At no point in the future will she be required to support her husband or provide him with care beyond the agreed to contractual stipulations.” “You’re very protective of your wealth Miss Granger,” Mr. Ffoulkes added unnecessarily. His eyes were roaming appreciatively over the amended clause Mr. Tattings provided them with. “I need to protect what’s mine,” Hermione shrugged. “And what exactly do you do for a living,” Severus couldn’t help but ask. Normally he could care less what past students did, he didn’t follow their careers unlike his predecessor Slughorn, but Severus couldn’t help but be curious about his bride-to-be. “I develop interdisciplinary personal and household products under several brand names.” “That’s rather vague,” he frowned. “Perhaps, but then I create what interests me and typically there’s a market for it. For example my first product was a hair care solution I developed for myself. The problem with Sleekeazy is that over time you have to use more and more of it to achieve the same look. I developed a solution incorporating both charms and potions that’s much more manageable and longer lasting. It’s still our biggest seller.” “And yet you couldn’t be bothered to use your own product,” he remarked, obviously eyeing her ‘electrocuted hedgehog’ fashion statement. Unruffled Hermione easily replied, “I’ve made peace with my hair, but then I really am not trying to impress anyone. I have my business, my research… it’s enough.” “And everything else is just a distraction?” Severus supplied, now he clearly understood her reluctance to visiting him. Severus knew exactly how frustrating it was to have to put down good research when a breakthrough was just beyond his grasp. “Precisely. Which is exactly why you and I are sitting at this table.” Mr. Tattings took the opportunity to interrupt; they had been going at each other’s throats for nearly three hours. “The financial issue was our only concern, that and Miss Granger’s last name which has already been settled. Is there any further business?” The room was strangely silent. It felt odd that they were finally finished. Mr. Ffoulkes made a large production of ordering and reordering the parchments, and adding the additional financial clause, and with a few taps of his wand they were ready for signature. “Oh just give that here,” she huffed. Hermione hastily scrawled her otherwise perfect signature. If she hadn’t signed it then and there she might never have. That, and Hermione was trying to keep her hand from shaking. Severus Snape said nothing at all, but signed where indicated, watching the contract glow in a golden light, furl itself into a roll and settle back down, magically sealed. They were now officially engaged. Hermione turned to him with a vicious glare, “Will next Tuesday work for you?” Next Tuesday was fish night, meaning an oily unseasoned and slightly cold cod fillet would be delivered to his cell. “Next Tuesday would be fine, just remember to bring the first of my requirements then.” But then what did she expect? He’d be taking tea with the Queen? *
- 5
- 6
- 7
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Gilded Cage