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Our Last Summer	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Ron Views: 3906 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor do I make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
What had
seemed so easily falling out of Remus� mouth was not so in practice. Severus
had Floo�d to the Hospital along with Remus, who was
guiding him back through the labyrinth of corridors to the room where Ron was.
His stomach was positively jangling. No
running. Running away isn�t going to help Ron. You told him you�d never leave
him, that you were in too deep� so keep your promise. He repeated the
little mantra over and over to himself in his mind.

In his good
hand he held a bag containing some of the things he knew Ron should have with
him, his own personal pyjamas, his blanket from their bed and the teddy bear,
who was becoming well travelled. He had picked up all those things and inhaled
Ron�s scent from them, letting it curl into his nostrils and throat just in
case the hospital changed how they smelt �he realised he never wanted to be
faced with forgetting quite how delicious they were. He had taken specifically
the t-shirt he himself had worn to bed the night before, because he knew Ron
set as much store by scent as he did, and that if the thin material smelt of
Severus, it might provide some small comfort.

The
Hospital was even fuller than he remembered it and it was unusually noisy.

�We�re
nearly there,� Remus alerted him quietly. �Are you ready for this?�

Severus
glanced at the clock which told him it was now nine in the evening. He couldn�t
quite believe how long he must have sat staring at the fresh coat of magnolia
paint talking to himself before Remus had turned up.
He shook himself back to the present and gave a little nod, not knowing whether
he was ready or not, it was his duty to walk into the hospital room and hold
his lover�s hand.

Remus
pulled open the door to the ward and motioned him through.

�Oh Remus,
I knew you�d bring him back!� A female voice cried out, and Severus felt a new
torrent of pain as he was encased in arms and he groaned. �Oh no, I�m so sorry,
I didn�t think!�

When the
pain receded Severus focussed on his attacker. Molly Weasley was looking paler
than he�d ever seen her in his life, with puffy eyes and mad hair and a red
nose.

�I�m just
so glad you�ve come back,� she sobbed at him, her head bowing as she let loose
some more tears.

�I�m sorry
I ever left,� he managed to say quietly. He would have put his hand on her shoulder
if it weren�t for the bag in it.

He looked
up and saw Arthur in the room, sitting next to Ron�s bed, watching their
exchange with tired, worried eyes. Severus brushed past Molly, shoulder
stinging, and entered the room. It was quieter now, only Arthur remained with
his son.

�How is
he?� Severus heard himself ask, and he moved to the clear side of the bed,
threw the bag on the chair behind him and awkwardly bent to stroke Ron�s hair
off his brow.

�Breathing
a little more strongly with each hour,� Arthur croaked, getting to his feet.
�I�ll� I�ll give you a moment alone, shall I?�

Severus
looked at the dishevelled man and tried to convey his utmost apology and sorrow
through the gaze. He certainly couldn�t have formed the words.

�I know,� Arthur shook his head. �This isn�t� we don�t blame you. We always
knew he was in danger� his friendship with Harry has meant we�ve had our hearts
in our mouths every five seconds since went to Hogwarts. Anything could always
have happened to him.�

He nodded
at Severus then, and left, closing the door gently behind him. It was
see-through, so they weren�t completely alone, but it was enough for now. And,
Severus realised, Remus casually moved to stand with his back against the door,
as if he knew what Severus needed.

He always did.

He was
unsure what to do, should he talk? Should he just be there? You will not run.

�Ron, I�m
here,� he said awkwardly, pressing his lips Ron�s brow. �I�m here for you. I�m
sorry I left. I�m back now and I�m not leaving you without again.�

There was
no response from Ron, but Severus, because he couldn�t hope, hadn�t expected
one. He knew that in the corridor Molly was probably hoping that hearing
Severus� voice would jerk Ron out of the depths and bring him back to them all.
But there was clearly going to be no such reprieve. With a resigned sigh,
Severus reached for the bag. He would need help
changing Ron; he�d probably leave it for the hospital staff. But he pulled out
the blanket and draped it gently over the impersonal white hospital bed sheets.
It made Ron look even paler.

And
suddenly Severus knew what he wanted to do, and was glad Remus had his back to
the door, blocking them from view. Steeling himself, Severus lifted up the
white sheets to look at Ron�s body, which hadn�t been dressed apart from the
more serious cuts, one of which was in the top of his groin on the soft flesh
speckled by his pubic hair, and was completely covered by a dressing. Fury
raged in his ears at the sick injuries Lucius had inflicted� and then there was
the hideous bruising on the groin and penis itself. He felt nauseous again. But
he had looked now, he had seen the extent of the
injuries. He didn�t have to dream up new images. He put the sheets back down
gently and released a breath he didn�t realise he was holding. The only sound
in the room was the gentle puffing and hissing of the air bag breathing.

�Bunch of
cock-sucking fuckers,� Severus commented to Ron on the bed, knowing he�d share
the sentiment if he were awake. �Did they tell you? It�s over. Harry killed� Voldemort.
I can�t feel happy yet because you�re in here, but when you come out of this,
we�ll celebrate.�

He
swallowed. The lack of response was unnerving him. �Did they tell you, or did
you hear? I�ve left my position at Hogwarts. I� I got injured in the fight. Lestrange tried to sever my arm off� I suppose she thought
she was being funny making a name pun. She did a botch job though and left me
with a dead arm. I can�t move my fingers.�

He leapt
back as Ron�s body convulsed on the bed, once, twice, a third time. �Remus!� he
yelled through the door, knowing he couldn�t help with just his one hand,
though he wanted to. He found Ron�s hand and held it in his own. The jerking
immediately stopped.

�What happened?� Remus rushed over, Molly and Arthur at his heals.

�When he
fitted before, what happened?�

�It was
right after you left,� Arthur said. �As soon as he couldn�t hear your voice any
more, it seemed, his body just jerked all over the place� his spine was sort of
bending up and down on the bed��

�It just
happened again,� Severus breathed, gripping the hand tighter.

�Were you
talking to him?� Molly asked excitedly.

�I was, but
I had been for a while.�

�Well what
did you say just before it started?�

�I� told
him Bellatrix Lestrange
tried to sever my arm off and botched it up and my arm was dead.�

This time
he held on as his lover reacted on the bed. �Ron, it�s okay, I�m fine. I�m
healed. I�m safe. Don�t worry.�

The jerking
stopped. Severus couldn�t take his eyes off him but he heard Molly sobbing again
and Remus say, �I�m going to get a healer.�

Do not hope. Hope leads to hurt.
You�re just here for him, not yourself.

�Did
something happen? Severus!� He heard Hermione say, and she moved to stand next
to him.

�We think
Ron tried to show his distaste about what Bellatrix Lestrange did to Severus� shoulder,� Arthur said quietly.
�He�s done it twice.�

Molly and
Arthur shifted to make room for the healer as she entered with Remus who was
recounting what happened. The healer slipped her stethoscope over Ron�s chest
to his heart and listened carefully. �Stronger again,� she murmured.

She looked
at Severus. �So you�re the man who keeps one of my best trainees running off
straightaway when his shift ends.�

Severus
nodded, rubbing his thumb over the palm of Ron�s hand.

�He�s
certainly improved since he first came in, when we couldn�t get his heart to
keep going for more than thirty seconds at a time. He�s going to need close
observation over night and of course, there�s no telling yet if he will ever
properly wake up. But the fact he can apparently hear you is the most positive
sign.� She nodded. �If we are going to attempt any curse lifting, it should be
as soon as possible. It could still be intensifying.�

�I�ll go
and alert Kingsley and get Malfoy bought here.� Remus left

�Can I stay
with him?� Severus spoke to the Healer, who looked to Molly and Arthur.

�Of
course,� Molly said instantly. �You have just as much say
in his care as we do, Severus. You might not be married but you�re nearly as
good as.�

Married.
The word took the wind out of him and he didn�t pay attention as the Healer
left the room and everyone but Hermione followed her out. Severus vaguely found
himself considering what would have happened had he never made bridges with
Molly and Arthur� he would be blocked out, unable to help Ron or care for him.
He was lucky they were so good natured. Of course, if they were married, there
would have been no question that Severus was then in charge of Ron�s medical
care. The thought made him feel even sicker. Marrying him would really seal his fate as a doomed man, if he�s not
already. No, Snape men never did well in marriage.

�I know what you�re thinking,� Hermione said quietly, and he started, he�d
forgotten she was still there. �You�re thinking about that night at the Burrow,
when you said you didn�t want to get married to him, and he agreed to make you
happy.�

�When did
you become a mind reader, Hermione?�

She laughed
gently, and sat down on Ron�s bed and looked up at him. �I
just� if it were me, I�d be feeling the same. Molly Weasley is a force
to be reckoned with� you�re thinking that if relations were to sour, or you�d never made an effort with the family, then
you�d be kept out of all this� but if you were married, they couldn�t do a
thing to keep him away from you. I know, Severus, I understand.�

�He should
have chosen you,� Severus shook his head sadly. �He wouldn�t be such a mess
now.�

Hermione
leapt up as Ron�s body jerked again and Severus managed to still him with a
kiss on his forehead.

�I think
you have your answer to that,� she raised her eyebrows. �Though when you wake
up I�m going to give you hell for being so blatant about it,� she directed at
Ron.

Severus
couldn�t help but smile a little.

He thought
it best to train his eyes elsewhere when Lucius Malfoy was frogmarched into the
room. He didn�t think he could bear to look at the piece of scum. Severus just
held Ron�s hand tightly. The Healer had told him on no uncertain terms that if
he kicked anything off, he would be banned from the ICU and whilst she
understood his anger he should remember that, considering Ron could be there
for weeks. So he looked intensely at the wall, clutching Ron�s hand.

�Get on
with it, Malfoy,� Severus heard the rumbling voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt. �Severus, you�ll need to let go of his hand
for this.�

Still not
looking, Severus gently put the pale hand down and whispered, �I�m still here.
Don�t panic.�

�You will
lift anything you�ve placed on him,� Kingsley instructed. �Do it now.�

�Quod incepimus
conficiemus.� Severus
heard Lucius speak in a hollow tone so far removed from his usual haughty
voice. Still, he did not look round, he looked at Ron.

Dark smoke was rising from his body, siphoning off into the air. Severus
thought on the latin words.
�What we have begun we shall finish�. It was a risky way of removing curses,
considering the person had to truly mean to remove it and not worsen it to
kill. But, as Severus saw the dark, indecent wisps float away he knew that
Lucius had a wand in the small of his back. As the murky wisps finished their
outpouring, a collection of gentle yellow sparkles fluttered over Ron�s body
before sinking into it.

�Done?� Kingsley asked. �You�ve done everything you can possibly think of
to try and reverse your mistakes?�

�I�ve done everything I can,� Lucius answered dully. �Severus will know I
have done all I can.�

�Severus?� Kingsley asked him, but Severus refused to look round.

�There is nothing more that I know of,� he answered, eyes stuck to Ron�s
face to try and recognise any change whilst re-lacing his fingers through
Ron�s. It was probably his imagination but he fancied the hand felt warmer.

He heard shuffling and then he and Ron were alone. He put his hand to his
brow, and knew he wasn�t going mad and that Ron was definitely warming up. He
knew enough medically that Ron would probably now break out in a fever which
would keep him knocked out. �My poor man,� he whispered and let out a breath.

�He�s gone?� Harry called from the doorway.

�He�s gone,� Severus confirmed, and Harry walked up to the bed.

It was the first chance Severus had really had to look at Harry since
he�d last seen him fighting in the Ministry. He looked older, somehow. But now
he was staring at Ron, and gently picked up his other hand. As soon as his fingers
were wrapped around it, Ron�s body convulsed again, but more gently this time.

�Did you feel pressure on your fingers?� Harry asked quietly.

�I did,� Severus replied. �I think that means he likes us holding his
hands.�

�I never thought I�d be standing here with you,� Harry said softly, not
really knowing why he was saying it.

�And trust me Harry, I never dreamed I�d be here
with you.�

�You called me Harry,� he heard the smile in the younger man�s tone.

�Well. Broken records and all that. Ron would
want us to be polite.�

�If he wasn�t already knocked out the shock might have got to him
though.�

Severus couldn�t help the chuckle that shook out of his chest.

�I can�t bear the thought of him lying there like this for so long��
Harry sat down on the bed. �I want him awake, swearing and grumbling at us.�

�So do I,� Severus bit his lip. �But he�s better off like this for now,
he needs to heal. Can you feel his temperature shooting up? He�s going to have
a fever.�

Severus reached over and pressed the button which would alert the
MediWitch station they needed attention. �Where are Molly and Arthur?�

�Charlie took them to the canteen to get a cup of tea,
both of them are absolutely shattered. Fred and George have taken Ginny back to
the Burrow to check it�s secure enough, Bill�s with Fleur� she had some pains
with the baby. Hermione�s with them I think.�

�I can�t imagine what going through today pregnant must have been like,�
Severus mused. �I really feel for Fleur and Nymphadora.�

�She would kill you if she heard you call her that,� Remus said from
behind him as he walked into the room. �And she kicks hard.� He pronounced a
fake limp.

Harry laughed. At the sound Severus felt another minute amount of
pressure in his hand.

�Lucius lifted the curse?� Remus asked, walking to the head of the bed
and looking down at Ron�s face. �He looks more peaceful now. Ah, talk of the
devil and she shall appear,� he smiled at the doorway.

Severus looked over and saw the young face of Tonks looking anxiously at
the bed. �Oh, is he okay? I�ve always had a soft spot for him� he�s so funny.�
She moved to Harry and put her arm around him. �I mean funny ha ha, not funny in a loopy sense.�

Harry laughed again and the pressure returned.

�He likes the sound of you laughing,� Severus said. �Maybe you�re right, maybe he is
funny in a loopy sense...�

The Healer entered the room and Remus moved out of the way. �Come on,
Dora, Harry� let�s go and get something to eat. You need feeding again,� he
nodded to Dora who rolled her eyes and left. Harry squeezed Ron�s hand and
said, �I�ll see you later.�

�Has his temperature been rising steadily since the curse was lifted?�
the Healer asked, her wand running basic diagnostic tests on his body.

�Yes, it was pretty much instant. And he�s not just communicating when he�s
upset any more, he�s doing it more gently when he
likes what he hears, too.�

Her face broke into a relieved smile. �We�ll need to control the fever,
of course, I�ll get him some potion for that,� she waved her hand and a bottle
flew into it from the cabinet on the wall. �I can�t believe how well he�s
responding. He is one hell of a fighter to have made it this far.�

Severus could only nod in response.

�You coming back will have most definitely helped,� she said quietly. �We
often find that� when people don�t have their loved ones around them, they
flounder, and as soon as they arrive, they improve. His heart stopped again
after you left at the end of the fitting.�

�What?! They never told me that�� You
shit, Remus.

�It doesn�t matter now. His heartbeat is strong again. It really is now
just like he�s in a very deep sleep.� She unscrewed the lid on the bottle of
potion and poured some into a measuring cup.

�I can do that, if you need to be elsewhere,� Severus offered, feeling he
might as well get used to his role of carer early. �You must be totally
swamped.�

�That�d be a great help. I�m going to leave the diagnostics running, we
need to chart his progress properly anyway. If you need anyone, just give us a
shout. We�ve just had some badly injured teenagers come in that need
assistance.�

She smiled and left in a hurry. Severus let go of Ron�s hand and picked
up the tiny medicine cup she�d left. He raised it to his nose and laughed. He
saw the hand he�d left twitch at the sound. �You�re not going to believe this,
but it smells like coconut to me� so it�s going to taste of strawberry to you��

He carefully removed the breathing mask from Ron�s face, glad to see him
unmasked for the first time. There was a wheeze in Ron�s breath as it rattled
quietly in and out. �She�s wrong,� Severus said suddenly. �If you were really
just asleep, you�d be snoring your head off.�

Another twitch of the hand on top of the
knitted blanket. With gentle fingers Severus opened Ron�s mouth and
gently tipped down some of the potion, pausing to rub his throat a little
before tipping the rest down too and rubbing again.

�Look at you, Severus,� came a soft voice from the
doorway. �You�re smiling.�

Go away,
Albus.

�I won�t be staying long,� Albus held up a hand of reassurance. �I just
came to see if you were both okay.�

�I�m fine,� Severus replied automatically. �He�s the one you should be
worrying about.�

�No, Severus, I�ll worry about the both of you, if you don�t mind. Ron might be
the one lying in the bed you have been through nearly as much trauma as he has
today, whether you want to believe that or not, it�s the truth.�

�Maybe,� Severus sighed. �I�m sorry I�ve left you in such a mess with the
teaching.�

�I will find someone,� Albus waved his hand. �I�ll never find anyone as
good as you though.�

�Shouldn�t you be at a feast?� Severus asked pointedly.

�I cancelled it. The train didn�t run anyway. It�ll run tomorrow instead,
for the first time ever in its history. Then we can get on with our school
year.�

�The first in a long time you won�t have to worry about someone trouncing
the school.�

Albus chuckled. �It won�t be the same without you.�

�It wouldn�t have been the same with me,� Severus threw the disposable
measuring cup in the bin. �I would never have been up to my normal level, even
before today happened. It wasn�t in my heart to go back.�

�Will you be okay financially?�

Severus actually rolled his eyes. �Albus, are you offering me money for
retirement?�

�If you want it,� Albus shrugged, twirling a finger in his beard.

Severus looked at Ron in the bed. Although he had enough saved up from
the life insurance policies which had paid out after the death of his mother
�the only thing his father had ever done right in his entire life- it couldn�t
hurt to have a little more stockpiled, especially as he planned to move as soon
as Ron was able. �Fine, I�ll take your payoff.�

�Excellent, I wouldn�t have slept tonight if you hadn�t,� Albus smiled.
�I knew Remus would be able to bring you round��

�I would have got there myself eventually, though it probably would have
taken me about a week.�

�Which would have been unfair to Ron. He was so
distressed. I have never been gladder of one of your decisions.�

Severus said nothing and protectively picked up Ron�s hand again.

�I just hope he doesn�t stay down for too long� that�s good for nobody�s
morale,� Albus worried.

�How long do you think?� Severus asked.

�I think at least a month,� Albus shrugged. �But then� I�ve never seen
anyone bounce back so quickly, either.�

A month. Severus� stomach lurched. A month of not knowing. Oh
Merlin� if you�re listening, a month is too fucking long. Please. �However
long he needs,� was all Severus could say.

***

Ron knew
something was very wrong, but he couldn�t pinpoint what. He wasn�t anywhere he
ever remembered being, either. He was alone and he wasn�t waiting for anyone,
and that instantly made him sad. He was in the sunshine, he could hear the sea
nearby and felt sand under his bare feet. All around him he could hear snatches
of conversation but couldn�t make out anything they said. He strained his ears
but there was no way to break through and turn the mumbling into conversation.
It frustrated him but he couldn�t deny the overwhelming sense of peace which
had hold of his being. He could vaguely remember pain and suffering. It was far
away, though. Suddenly he found himself facing the sea, wide, deep blue in the
sunlight. The waves were gentle and merely bubbled over the sand at his feet.
He was a lot closer than he had thought he was. The water ran over his feet as
he stood there, it was warm, inviting. Getting in it would feel pleasant, he
knew, but he was suddenly overcome by a great fear of the water touching him.
He turned and ran quickly up the sloping beach, which now seemed much bigger
than he had thought beforehand. When he felt he had put enough distance between
him and the water he stopped. It remained several feet away and he breathed in
relief. He sat down on the sand and ran his fingers through it.

He could
hear the engine of a car running behind him, but when he turned around the car
was a long way away, parked at the edge of the sand. There was nobody in it, he
could see. He felt that he recognised the car but didn�t know from where. He
got up again and walked a little closer to it, feeling comforted by its
presence on the lonely beach. It was a faded green colour, with silver bumpers
and an old leather interior. He knew this car. He raked his eyes over the
number plate, trying to recall where he knew those numbers from. But they
weren�t coming to him. He sat on the bonnet and looked at the sea, deep in
thought.

***

Severus sat in the kitchen of the Burrow, eating the plate of food Molly
was forcing on him. He didn�t have the heart to tell her he could look after
himself; it seemed to make her feel better. Ron had been in the hospital for a
week and half, having made no change for half of that time. They were running
in shifts for someone to sit with him, Severus, all of the Weasley family and
Remus and Tonks.

For a week
and a half, Severus had been running on empty. He couldn�t sleep and refused
all medical help that was offered to him. His shoulder was still hideously
painful and he hadn�t been able to flex his hand at all. He spent much of his
time in the hospital by Ron�s bedside, even when it wasn�t his shift. Ron
reacted most to things when he was there. But at that moment, Harry was with
him, and as much as Severus hated to admit it, Harry was Ron�s second favourite
guardian after himself.

He
swallowed some of his lasagne and felt a little ill. He knew he was losing
weight, his cheeks looked hollowed and his clothes were hanging off him. So he
knew Molly was on a mission to feed him up, but she was looking a lot slimmer
than normal herself. Between them they seemed to be having an unspoken
competition as to who could worry the most. Severus was too tired to really
judge who was winning. And eating only served to remind Severus of his out of
action hand.

�They said
tomorrow they�re going to move him off the intensive ward, and put him in a
private room in a quieter part of the hospital. That�ll be easier for us. I
hate lurking around in there when there are families sobbing all over the
place,� Bill was telling Molly as he ate his own plate of food; he�d just come
back from the hospital visiting a friend and checking on Harry and Ron.

�Who�s on
shift tomorrow during the day?� Molly asked, straining
her eyes to look at the messy schedule pinned on her notice board.

�Me,�
Severus put down his fork. �Hopefully he won�t get too stressed out if I�m
there.�

Molly
nodded and took his plate from him, not commenting on how little he�d eaten.

�Severus
when was the last time you slept?� Bill asked in a pitying voice.

�He�s
sleeping when he can,� Molly answered for him with an understanding look at Severus.

�When did
either of you last bloody sleep?� George asked through a mouthful of salad.

�I�m going
to drug both of you,� Bill muttered. �You�re going to make yourselves ill, and
you,� he pointed at Severus, �You are already ill. Your shoulder shouldn�t be
giving you so much trouble.�

�Its fine,�
Severus knocked back some of his orange juice. �Look, Bill, if it pleases you,
I�ll go upstairs and try and have a rest. How�s that?�

�That would
please the Sleep Police,� George nodded.

�It would
please the Sleep Police even more if you�d let us drug you so you actually got
some sleep rather than going upstairs, laying on Ron�s bed and thinking about
everything so much you don�t fall asleep,� Bill pushed further.

�No. If you
drug me and something happens, you won�t be able to wake me up in time for��

�Severus,
if Ron was in danger of dying, we have the awakening potion to bring you back��
George said kindly. �Come on, please. See sense here.�

�No,�
Severus said flatly, and stood up. �I understand your concern but really� I�m
getting enough sleep. Don�t worry about me.�

He left the
kitchen and headed up the stairs to Ron�s old room. Harry had permanently moved
to Grimmauld
Place now it was habitable and his camp bed was
gone, the storage boxes moved elsewhere so Severus could sleep in Ron�s room
when he needed to. He shut the door, pulled the curtains against the setting
sun and lay down on the tired mattress, kicking off his shoes as he went. It
was odd, but when he did put his head down on Ron�s old pillows, it was the
only place he really was likely to get any sleep at all. He was so tired and as
his eyes closed he felt certain he might actually get some rest. His shoulder
gave a painful twinge and he hissed through his teeth. Bellatrix if you weren�t already dead I would kill you. Bitch. He smoothed
his good hand over his shirt to rest on his hip. A thought crossed his mind.

Would it be insensitive to wank over him when he�s lying comatose in a hospital bed? Severus squeezed his eyes shut to
block out the sunlight. If the last week and a half had done anything for him,
it was that he was starting to get over his issues about sleeping in anything
other than the pitch blackness. He had been snatching sleep wherever and
whenever he could, in between meeting with the hospital, the wizarding and muggle banks he had accounts with, and
searching out new properties. Really he�s
your boyfriend� surely it�s okay to touch yourself
over him?

Severus�
left hand crept into his trousers and underneath the elastic of his boxer
shorts. It felt alien touching himself with his left hand; he had never wanted
his right hand back more. He fondled himself gently, trying to imagine it was
Ron�s hand that was touching him. Ron�s
not as fucking clueless as this. He sighed and tried harder. He thought of
the night he and Ron had tied each other up and taken turns licking things off
each other, just after they�d moved in. Yeah,
that worked. He stroked with his hand but his wrist was awkward, and
clumsy.

�This is
fucking ridiculous� he hissed aloud at himself.

He knew he
could use a spell, and that doing so would be easier than the charade of trying
to get his left hand to behave in the way his right had once done. And that was what they used on him. He
shuddered and instantly withdrew his hand, any hint of an erection fading with
the remembering that Ron had been raped before he�d been tortured. He had to
admit he was scared that when Ron woke up, if he was in any fit state to live
life, whether he�d ever let another man touch him again. Whether
anyone would be able to, regardless of sex. Severus wasn�t sure of what
his own reactions would be in such a situation.

He sighed
and nestled his head deeper into the pillows, which, despite the fact that Ron
hadn�t slept on them in months, still smelt of his hair. He imagined that Ron
was with him, curled into his side like they always slept, and Severus had his
right hand entwined in his hair. It was easy to dream about it, it was all he
wanted.

***

Ron found himself starting to get
increasingly frustrated with life on the beach. He was alone. He didn�t feel
hungry but he did feel insanely thirsty. He had been tempted to drink the sea
water but he knew it would make him gag. He never went near the water even
though it always looked so very tempting. He knew it was warm. He spent most of
his time near the car, trying to get in it, but the door was always locked, and
no amount of force could break the windows. He had banged until his fists were
bruised and cut, but he still couldn�t get in, and his injuries were healed
within seconds. He was just so lonely. All he wanted was to talk to someone �to
be able to reply to the voices which spoke so clearly to him, some of the time.
He heard snatches of conversations, or people talking as though they were talking
to him, but he could never reply, even if he tried. He screamed at them but
they never, ever acknowledged that they�d heard him.

He felt like he�d been there so long
now that desperation was really starting to set in. Only recently he had found
himself closer to the water than ever since that first day, tempted to jump in
it but afraid all the same. He felt like he had two choices. He had to fight to
get in the car, the green mark one Ford Escort that he felt the connection
with, or to dive into the sea and be washed by the clear water. He knew which
would be the easier choice. The water was practically inviting him in, and the
car seemed to reject all of his advances. But the car kept pulling him in and
he loved it, yet he feared the water and didn�t like to go near it. He was so
confused.

***

�Severus,
just calm down,� Charlie pleaded, holding both his hands up in surrender. �It
doesn�t mean he�s going to go back to square one. It doesn�t. He�s just had a
small setback, and now his charts have come back up.�

Severus was
pacing frantically in the small room, his good hand balled into a tight fist,
bad shoulder aching like hell. �Charlie, come on� they said that if he dipped
again it could indicate that his body is failing.�

�They said
it could, they didn�t say it definitely meant that.�

Severus
stared at him blankly. �We haven�t had a reaction out of him since. His
heartbeat is weaker.�

It had been
three and a half weeks that Ron had been in the hospital, two weeks in total
since he had been moved to his private room and seemingly continued to mend.
Until that morning, when the diagnostics went crazy and the room came alive
with Healers and potions and spells and compressions on the chest. Severus had
nearly thrown up again. He was finding it hard to stay in the right frame of
mind, and he knew at that precise moment, when Charlie was staring at him with
a scared face, he must look like he was losing it.

�I�m
sorry,� he breathed, and fell down into the chair next to Ron�s bed, knocking
his shoulder as he went and swearing.

�I
understand,� Charlie murmured. �It�s hard when he has been doing so well.�

�Too well, I should have known it was coming, that he�d crash and send himself
back to square one.�

�He�s not back to square one, though. He�s returned to the levels he was before
they fell.�

�His body
can�t take much more of this,� Severus shook his head. �Look at him. He�s
wasting away, look how chiselled his cheeks are. They�re pumping him full of
nutrients and protein and it just� he�s losing weight every day.�

�Of course
he is,� Charlie raised his hands and dragged them through his fire of corkscrew
curls. �Ron eats on average around 4,000 calories a day. He�s only getting half
of that from the nutrients, they won�t give him any more because they insist if
he were eating 4,000 a day he�d be the size of our great aunt Anna.�

�Which one
is your great aunt Anna?�

�The one
that choked on the ham sandwich,� Charlie breathed, pinching the bridge of his
nose.

Severus
couldn�t help it. He laughed. And on the bed, Ron started fitting.

***

Okay, so now Ron knew that touching
the water was really not good for him. It had been painful, and scary, and the
worst of all, it had chased the voices away from him. Somehow he�d managed to
drag himself out of the water onto the beach, but not nearly as far from the
water as he would have liked. He longed to hear the voices again, he realised
that even though he couldn�t answer them, they really
were his only company. It felt like he had been on the sand forever. He was so,
so thirsty. His throat was so dry. But he wasn�t thirsty enough to go back down
to the water after what it had done to him. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a voice
came back �the one he liked most, it was laughing. His heart soared and he
found he could drag himself a little further before feeling tired.
- 5
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Our Last Summer