The Light In The Darkness | By : RikuRocks Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2791 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Harry Potter, nor am I making any money from this work of fiction. |
Severus sat at his desk, focusing on controlling the odd mixture of confusion, anger, guilt, and sorrow that he felt. It had seemed so simple that morning…painful, but simple. Remus had clearly betrayed him, and had been doing so all year as far as he knew. Now, the situation did not seem so clear, nor was he sure who had committed the betrayal between them.
Why would Remus ever help Black, who had hurt and betrayed him more deeply than any other? The werewolf loved Harry and always felt that he owed Dumbledore; he had only taken the job to protect the boy and oblige the old man. Moreover, Remus loved Severus and had never given him any reason not to trust him.
Yet the Potions Master had been so angry and sure while they were in the Shack, and as he let out Remus’ secret over breakfast. That had been mere hours ago; still, Severus found his conviction and logic slipping away.
A soft knock pulled the tormented man from his thoughts. His mind fell completely blank when he opened the door to find Remus standing there, looking tired and worn, but smiling mildly.
“Hello Severus,” Remus might have been greeting him for afternoon tea for all that his tone indicated, “May I come in?”
With a curt nod, the Potions Master swept aside and indicated a pair of chairs by the fireplace in his office. He noticed that Remus used a walking stick as he moved to take a seat and felt a new onset of shame at the thought that he had neglected to check on the werewolf after his transformation.
Not knowing how to broach the other subjects on his mind, Severus opened the conversation academically. “The Wolfsbane was not completely ineffective. The children’s accounts, and the lack of injuries, all point to you having fled -once you warded off Black’s attack- despite the fact that I was unconscious and the students were hardly a threat.”
“I wasn‘t entirely myself, but I retained enough to know to get away from all of you…and I can remember nearly everything,” Remus responded weakly and then added; “I owe you an apology, Severus.”
The raven-haired man narrowed his eyes and arched an eyebrow, “Go on.”
“Don‘t give me that look; I have not been consorting with Sirius Black all year,” a note of hurt entered the werewolf’s tone. “I hadn’t seen or spoken to him until last night…but I have been keeping something from you.”
Severus, feeling a strange sort of dread at those words, kept his expression neutral and nodded for the lycanthrope to continue.
“Do you remember the rumours from when we were students, about the DADA position? They’ve started up again…”
“Unless adolescent gossip about curses holds any importance to what you have been keeping from me-” The obsidian-eyed man paused abruptly when he noticed the expression on his lover’s face. “Don’t tell me…the position actually is cursed. How…?”
“Voldemort wanted the job; Dumbledore refused him, so he saw to it that no one could hold the position permanently while he lived,” Remus explained calmly. “Dumbledore doesn’t want the rumours confirmed. I‘m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Lupin-” Severus stopped, dropping the easy charade they had held all year, “Remus, I’ve ruined you. You will be a pariah for the rest of your life…and for nothing. You never were a danger to anyone and Potter was never in any danger of Black, was he?”
“No, he wasn’t,” the werewolf agreed with a small shake of his head, “But who knows what might have happened if Peter had not been found out? You weren‘t present for most of what happened tonight, Severus, I‘ll show you what I can later but…you need to know that nothing was your fault.”
“I allowed hatred and anger to control me,” the Potions Master interrupted, “A great deal of what has happened would not have occurred otherwise.”
“The curse fed your anger and vice versa,” stated Remus gently, holding the other man’s gaze. “The curse is designed to fulfil its objective in the most natural way possible, lest everyone would know about it. I started to notice something earlier in the year -your ‘forced tolerance’ of me was clearly becoming less of an act.
“…But I presumed that your trust in me would win out over the curse before anything irreparable could happen. I should have explained everything to you then,” the werewolf smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, Severus.”
“If you’re apologising for inflicting another curse upon yourself without consulting me, then you’re not forgiven,” the raven-haired man commented, “And if you’re apologising for anything else, then it isn’t necessary. I also noticed that my behaviour toward you was becoming…objectionable, yet I said nothing. We are both guilty of a severe lack of communication…but perhaps that curse was responsible, as we don‘t seem to be having that issue any longer.”
Severus thought about his epiphany shortly before Remus’ arrival; how it had felt as though a veil had lifted, allowing him to see his lover clearly once more. “You’ve resigned, haven’t you?”
“Yes,” the werewolf did not bring up the lynch mob that would have demanded his (at best) removal, for which Severus was grateful. “The students have taken their final exams and I only intended to stay long enough to ensure Harry’s safety. He’s safe enough now…” A fond sort of amusement touched Remus’ eyes, “I’m perfectly confident that he’ll be fine under your watch again.”
“Always so forgiving,” the Potions master stated quietly, “Perhaps that is why we have lasted this long.”
Remus stilled at those words and he studied his lover’s face worriedly. Noticing Severus‘ tense shoulders and hard eyes, he relaxed and smiled lightly. “It’s why we’ll last always.”
Severus’ tension ebbed immediately and his eyes opened as they only did for one man, “Indeed.”
“I’ll miss seeing you everyday, though,” added the werewolf, sounding better than he had all year.
The Potions Master grinned slightly in return, “As will I.”
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