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January	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3745 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor do I make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
�Every time we get up were we
destined to fall?

And I�m asking myself is it worth this at all?

Every corner we turn we just run into walls,

because loving you feels like a kick in the balls.�

Remus had
no idea what that day was going to bring. He was still lying in his bed, the dorm was silent apart from snoring which sounded
like James. He had planned to get up and do some work, but found himself
floored by a temperature and a thickness in his throat. All that tramping about in the snow is what�s done this, idiot.

And so he
was lying staring at the top of his canopy, feeling his temperature rise. He
kicked back his covers and let the cool air assault his skin, though it didn�t
provide comfort for long. He groaned a little and let his eyes fall shut, thinking
that sleep might help.

***

Remus was ninety-nine point nine
percent sure he was dreaming. What made him so sure was the fact that what he
was seeing before his own eyes would never have happened outside of the
confines of his mind. A week ago, it probably wouldn�t have even occurred
there, either. He swallowed as he watched the scene in front of him, as he sat
against his headboard, looking over the two dark haired boys in front of him as
they kissed.

And it was the tender nature of the
kiss that sealed his conclusions he was fantasising. Because Sirius Black would
never, ever be holding Severus Snape with such care if it was real. He was
holding him in his arms, Severus slightly tilted back whilst Sirius mastered
his mouth and body. Remus lazily thought it was a beautiful view. Sirius pulled
back and looked over to him with a coy smile on his lips.

�So what do you want me to do to him
now?� He asked, turning back to place a gentle,
lingering kiss on Severus� lips again, and Remus heard the appreciative groan
come out of the smaller boy�s throat.

�Come here, both of you�� Remus
heard his own voice incredulously, somewhat commanding and sultry in its tone.

Both of them complied instantly,
looking at him. He reached out his hands for Sirius and pulled him close so he
could push their lips together. He could taste Severus in Sirius� mouth. He
felt a hand brush his erection and realised that must have been the boy in
question, not wanting to be left out. Remus pulled back from the kiss and
tilted his head back, feeling skilled, cool fingers
wrapping around his dick and a thumb brushing over the wet tip.

�Mmm,� he muttered, exhaling. �I
don�t know what the fuck they teach you down in those dungeons but it�s
amazing.�

Severus laughed at that, and leaned
in for a kiss of his own, causing Sirius to growl jealously.

And that just made Remus grow harder
in Severus� hand, the feeling of being in demand, of being shared, appreciated
by not just one, but two other people.

�Stop being jealous�� Remus told
him. �For that, you can kiss each other again. And then you,� he ran a finger
down Sirius� chest, �are going to suck him off.� He pulled Severus to him again
and kissed him more deeply.

�Remus�� Sirius breathed, running a
hand up his thigh, trying to entice him into changing his plans.

�Shut up, Black,� Severus turned to
him, �Your whinging is really starting to piss me off.�

Sirius growled again and pushed him
back on the bed before clambering over Remus� legs to smother Severus� body
with his own, for some reason willing to fulfil Remus� requests more than he
should have been.

Remus watched as Sirius kissed
Severus roughly, one hand tugging at his hair, the other pinching a nipple
between his fingers. There was a cry of pain and Sirius just laughed and ducked
his head, breaking the kiss to replace his fingers with his lips on the nipple.

�You�re such a fucking baby,� Sirius
taunted him, kissing down his chest slowly.

�Well then, what does that make you, you sick fuck?� Severus muttered, trying
not to writhe too much.

Their verbal sparring continued as
Sirius made his way slowly down the thin body, so different to his own, and so
different to Remus�. Remus was soft in every way, Sirius muscular� but Severus
was thin and bony at every turn. His hip bones stuck out which Sirius kissed
over, causing him to groan and arch his back, hissing.

�You�re so easy,� Sirius taunted
again, before ducking his head properly and licking a trail up the cock which
was inches from his face.

�Be nice,� Remus commanded, reaching
out to flick at the side of Sirius� face; he didn�t even flinch.

Severus choked slightly as he felt
his erection slide into the hot mouth, feeling slightly sick at who it belonged
to. But he couldn�t deny it, �Fuck, you�re good at that.�

Sirius let his mouth slurp off the
end to grin and say, �Remus, make him repeat that. I want to memorise it.�

Remus felt a smile tugging at his
lips and he turned onto his side to face Severus. �You heard him� repeat it.�

Severus glared at him slightly but
his eyes then half-closed with ecstasy as Sirius resumed his task. �Fine. Sirius Black, you give amazing head. Happy?�

Remus leant forward and kissed him
gently, dipping his tongue inside his mouth to scoop out the traces of the
words which were so hard for him to say. He smoothed a hand over the flat
stomach before bringing it up to the side of Severus� face. �Happy,� he
murmured, and kissed again.

They continued like that until
Severus couldn�t help but moan at the sucking force in between his legs,
approaching his orgasm. Remus cuddled him closer, turning his kisses to his
thin neck and breathing heavily on the wet skin.

�Fuck it, I�m going to�� Severus
breathed, and Remus instantly captured his lips in a kiss, before reaching down
and placing his hand on top of Sirius� bobbing head, holding him in place.

Sirius gave a disgruntled �you�ve
got to be kidding me� groan but it only caused Remus to press down harder, and
he felt himself tingle with power as Severus� body arched, moaning
uncontrollably into Remus� mouth and pouring himself into Sirius�.

�Oh fuck,� he muttered, as Remus
finally released him to take some much needed air.

He didn�t give Sirius the same
reprieve, however, and kept his hand in place until he was content that Sirius
would have swallowed every last morsel of Severus� ejaculation. He shivered
again as his own erection throbbed painfully.

When he finally released Sirius, he
sat up with burning eyes and licked his lips. �What now?�

Remus pretended to think for a
moment before turning to Severus. �And now you can have your go at him.�

�I don�t want him,� Severus growled,
and rolled on top of Remus. �I want you.�

�I�m only doing this to get you,
Remus,� Sirius was suddenly up by their sides, scowling.

�Patience,� Remus told them both,
irritably.

�Screw patience,� Severus declared,
and pulled Remus up into a sitting position, still straddling his crotch. �I
don�t wait.�

�Finally, we agree on something,�
Sirius muttered and Remus felt him slip into position behind his body and
gasped as Sirius� erection prodded his back.

He couldn�t protest as between them
they manoeuvred him into Sirius� lap, perfectly positioned to impale him on the
erection, and Severus ducked his head to close his mouth around Remus.

�Fuck,� he gasped, body shivering in anticipation, feeling Sirius nudging
against his entrance.

And then
his conscience flooded with light.

�Nonononononoooooooo,� Remus groaned, body arching up,
begging for the release which had been so nearly in his grip but had been
dragged away from him. His erection was still throbbing between his legs.

�Oh my god
I�m sorry,� he heard a voice fall over the words, and the light was gone, he
was in the dimness again and his cheeks were burning. �Moony, I�m so sorry it
sounded like you were having a nightmare.� The voice belonged to James.

Desperate,
Remus groaned again as his erection began to grow smaller, leaving him with an
overwhelming feeling of disappointment which could only come with having his
orgasm robbed ruthlessly from within his grasp.

�Dammit Prongs,� he rasped desperately, feeling thickness in
his throat. �Do you have any fucking idea��

�I do now,�
James said through the curtains, sounding embarrassed. �I�m sorry, I was
worried about you.�

Regaining
control of his breath, Remus struggled into a sitting position, his head
whizzing as he did so. �Whoa,� he muttered, and the curtains were torn open
again.

�I�m so
sorry,� James said, a mortified expression on his
usually confident features. �But you were getting a temperature when I checked
on you in the night and�� he reached out his hand to put it on Remus� forehead.
�Merlin you�re fucking roasting.�

�Uurgh,� Remus groaned, his throat aching. �I need a drink.�

James summoned him a glass of water which he chugged back quickly, ignoring how
doing so made his throat ache. �I think I should go and get the nurse, Remus.
You look well out of it.�

�I think I
probably am,� Remus mumbled.

�Some
weekend you�re having, eh?� James stuck his lower lip out, making a sad face,
knowing it would make Remus chuckle. He choked on his raw throat as he did so.

�Ow,� he whimpered, raising a hand to hold his throat.

�You have
my permission to be pathetic,� James ruffled his hair protectively. �I�ll be
back in a bit. Wormtail�s at breakfast doing damage
control for you, Pads hasn�t surfaced yet.�

James
withdrew quickly and Remus was left with his own version of the swimming room,
trying to focus on Sirius� bed to give himself some
grounding. He blinked as he realised that the curtains were opening and Sirius
climbed off the bed, biting his lip worriedly.

�You�re
ill?� He asked, probably softly, but Remus� headache magnified the sound.

�Apparently,� he rasped in reply.

He didn�t
have the energy to be confused as Sirius sat down next to him and pulled him
into his arms gently, guiding Remus� whizzing hot head gently to his own
shoulder. All Remus knew was that it felt more comforting to be in those arms
than anything else he could have been offered. Sirius didn�t say anything, just
held him, until Remus coughed slightly.

�You�re so
hot,� Sirius pulled back slightly. �I hope Prongs hurries up.�

Remus
couldn�t really answer, his throat was aching insanely. He closed his eyes and
managed another pathetic little whimper. You
utter loser.

Remus must
have fallen asleep that way, and he only came to when Sirius gently moved away
from him, laying him back down. He was vaguely aware of the nurse asking his
friends questions and their garbled sounding answers, but it was no more than
filler in his head. As well as the pain, he was still too wrapped up in the sensation
of being held that way by Sirius, the warmth he was already experiencing heated
further by his happiness. He felt cool air sting his face as someone opened a
window nearby, and heard the nurse calling items from the Hospital Wing.

�There�s no
point in moving him,� Remus heard her say, more clearly than he�d heard her
before. �He�s just got a fever and a hell of a cold, by the feel of it. He had
a rough day yesterday and we should have expected it with his poor immune
system. It�s a bit more severe than it should be though.� Remus felt her open
his mouth, to look down his throat, he presumed. �His throat is awfully swollen.�

�He needs
rest,� she continued. �I�ll give him medication now, which should get rid of
the fever and the swelling in his throat, but for god�s sake don�t let him go
charging around the room or even to lessons tomorrow. I dread to think what the
end of the month is going to be like after this. Can one of you keep up the
medication every four hours? Don�t give him the pepper-up until the swelling in
his throat has gone, it�d be agony.�

�I�ll do
it,� Remus smiled slightly as he heard Sirius� voice.

He groaned
and cracked open his eyes, trying to find him.

�Lupin, I
swear you�re earning me all of my salary at the moment,� Madam Pomfrey gave him a small smile. �I�m just going to give you
these and leave you in the hands of Black, alright?�

Mmm. Sirius� hands. Remus� mind flitted back to his
fever-induced threesome fantasy which James had interrupted. He�d like to go
back to it, if he could. He managed a groan of assent and lay still as she
poured two potions down his throat, swallowing as best he could when it felt
like his throat was full of broken glass.

�Get some
rest,� the female voice advised him, but it didn�t matter, he was already
falling asleep.

***

By the next
morning, Remus felt almost restored to normal. It was only almost because he
was incredibly tired, and everyone kept telling him how pale he looked.

�Are you
sure you don�t want someone to stay?� James asked for the fiftieth time,
stuffing his bag with the books he needed for the day.

�I�m fine,� Remus replied to him, with a slight groan. �Honestly. The potions
worked. I�m fine. I don�t see why I can�t come to lessons, either.�

�Because
we�ll get thrown up against the wall and castrated if we let you out of bed,�
Sirius told him, swinging his bag onto his back.

Nobody had
mentioned the disastrous argument of Saturday whilst Remus was ill. He and
Sirius had fallen into a quiet, polite, caring existence which was fine for the
time, but both knew it couldn�t last forever. James and Peter were playing
along, but Remus could tell the two of them were dying to ask questions, to
push for a resolution.

And Remus
had absolutely no idea what that resolution would be. He�d been wrong about
everything so far so he was trying not to make assumptions. �Go,� he rolled his
eyes. �I have food, because Peter�s so good at pinching from the kitchens.�

�Which I
can now do because you�re no longer a prefect and you can�t say anything about
it,� Peter grinned.

�And I have
water,� Remus indicated his glass which James had charmed to re-fill. �And I
have my homework and books.�

�Who gave him
homework? That�s not resting!� James shook his head and summoned the pieces of
parchment to his hand and tucked them into his bag.

�I can�t
afford to get behind,� Remus pleaded.

�No!� James
said firmly. �For Merlin�s sake! Just lie there and
bloody enjoy your pardoned skiving like any other sane student would.�

With a wave
he left the room, tugging Peter with him, but leaving Sirius to walk under his
own steam. Neither waited for him as he lingered in the dorm,
looking at Remus nervously.

�I guess we
need to talk,� he said quietly.

Remus
shrugged. �I suppose we do. But you�re going to be late, so not now.�

Sirius
nodded and turned, �I�ll see you later.�

�Sirius?�
Remus called, trying to decide whether he should impart the warning he wanted
to.

�Yeah Moony?� Sirius asked hopefully, as though hoping for some kind of reprieve.

�If you
touch Severus during today I will kick seven shades of shit out of you. I might
even through a water jug at you and see how you like it.�

Sirius
flushed. �I won�t even breathe near him, if it makes it up to you.�

�Me? He�s
the one that got a smashed conk for his seventeenth birthday, Sirius!�

�Alright alright alright,� Sirius frowned,
frustrated. �I promise I won�t lay a finger on him.�

�Thank
you,� Remus muttered.

�Will you
explain to me� why?� Sirius asked him, working his bottom lip with his teeth.

�When we talk, yeah.� Remus nodded.

�I�ll see
you later, then,� Sirius went to turn away, and Remus breathed a sigh of
relief, but had to suck the air back in when suddenly Sirius was by his side
again, and bent his head and placed soft lips over Remus�. �Feel better.�

And then he
was gone, closing the dormitory door behind him.

Remus spent
the day reading his book in bed, only getting out to use
the toilet. Sirius re-appeared at lunchtime to administer his remaining
medicine and to bring him a Cornish pasty he�d stolen from lunch, because he
knew they were Remus� favourite. But the sky was darkening out side the Tower
and Remus was waiting for them to come back from dinner. He was thoroughly
bored with convalescence, as he usually was by the second day. He wasn�t really
one for laziness. His ears heard feet on the stairs outside and he could have
sung as the door swung open bringing him company for the evening.

�Are you
better yet?� Peter grinned at him, lobbing his bag onto his bed and walking
over to perch on the end of Remus�. He looked over his shoulder then whispered,
�Snape asked me to give this to you,� he pressed a folded piece of parchment
into Remus� hand and got up. �I didn�t read it. You might not want to let
Sirius see it?�

Shocked,
Remus could only nod. Peter started divesting himself of his uniform and Remus
unfolded the paper quickly.

�I really hope the story they�re
putting around is true, Lupin. It�s lonely in Potions without you. SS.�

Remus
snorted and stuffed the note in his bedside cabinet, and looked up to see Peter
staring at him.

�Moony,
you�re not going to start going out with him, are you?�

�Who?�

Peter tutted and walked closer. �Snape.�

�No, I
don�t think so,� Remus shook his head. �It�s not like that. Peter, did he ask
what happened?�

�Good.
Because everyone knows you should be with Padfoot,
really� and he asked me before he wrote the note, I told him that you dropped
the jug and hurt yourself.�

�What do
you mean, everyone knows?� Remus asked, his voice
croaky again.

Peter
shrugged and lobbed his tie at his trunk. �Just� seems right I suppose.�

�Tell that
to Sirius,� Remus muttered.

�I have,
and so did Prongs,� Peter turned back to him.

All Remus
could do was stare.

�Sirius
just bounces from girl to girl, flirting, drinking� whatever he does. But he�s
not happy.�

�And you
think him dating me would make him happy?�

�Moony,�
Peter kicked off his shoes and laughed. �He threw
a water jug at you. I think I have my answer the next time he asks us who
can rile him so successfully but his mother. You.�

�I make him
angry like his mother?� Remus frowned.

Peter
groaned. �I don�t know why I�ve spent the last six years of my life copying
your homework if you�re this mentally incapable, Remus. No. You just inspire
the same level of� passion, I suppose. But in a good way.
Well, not good for your wrist, I guess,� he fleetingly
looked at Remus� still bandaged wrist lying on the bed.

Remus
managed a little laugh, but couldn�t ask any more as at that moment, Sirius and
James came through the door, arguing.

�No, for God�s sake, that was the year the Harpies won.�

�You�re so
wrong,� James declared, dropping his bag near his bed and throwing himself down. �Urgh,
what a fucking day.�

�Busy?�
Remus looked over at him, with a smile.

�Busy
compared to yours, slacker,� James retorted with a grin. �What did you do all
day?�

�I read, and stayed in bed.� Remus gave him the perfect answer.

�Still
reading your muggle crap then?� James sat up. �What is it this time?�

�It is not
crap,� Remus chucked a pillow at him. �It�s a classic.�

�Is it the one
with the crazy bloke who hangs his wife�s puppy and digs up the dead girl he
really loves at the end?� Peter laughed. �You�re always reading that one.�

�Or the one with the man who locks his crazy wife in the attic?�

�And muggles
have the cheek to think we�re all insane,� Sirius commented, shrugging out of
his school shirt and putting on his ordinary clothes. �At least we didn�t come
up with that rubbish.�

Remus
couldn�t help but laugh, it was a fair point. The advantage to having a muggle
mother was that he was as well integrated into muggle society as the wizard
one. �So did you all have a good day?�

�You can
just ask, you know, if you want to know if the school is crawling alive with
gossip about you,� James raised his eyebrow with a grin.

�Is it?� Remus cringed waiting for the response.

�Naturally,� James laughed. �We�re doing our best but the rumour mill is
working like a house-elf.�

�Best one I
heard,� Peter sat down on James� bed, �Was that you tried to jump off the Astronomy Tower but that someone dramatically
talked you down.�

�How does
anyone get �jumped off the Astronomy
Tower� from �has an
accident with water jug in dormitory�?� James wrinkled his nose. �They tell me
I�m one of the brightest in the school at the minute but Christ, if today�s anything
to go by, that�s much less of a compliment than I first thought.�

***

Remus
winced at the ache in his body as he reached up to brush his hair, looking in
the mirror. He didn�t know why he was bothering; he was only being smuggled to
the shack anyway. He hated the long winter nights, when the moon rose early and
sent him into his one hellish night a month earlier than he could bear. Summer
was so much better for him. A new ache crept up his spine as he reached to set
the brush down, and he hissed.

�Is it bad
already?� Sirius asked him quietly, Remus jumped, not having heard him enter
their small bathroom.

�Yeah,�
Remus didn�t bother to sugar coat it. �Hurts like hell.�

Sirius
walked over to him and sighed. �I�m sorry.�

Remus
simply shrugged and turned away from the sink. �I should get going.�

�Already?�
Sirius looked at his watch.

�I don�t
want to take any risks,� Remus shrugged, mouth falling open in pain as he did
so.

Sirius had
his arms around him in seconds and Remus froze in the embrace. �Sirius, let go
of me.�

�Why?�
Sirius didn�t move, Remus had to push him away.

�Because I need to go to the shack.�

�Not because
you�ve been avoiding talking to me properly for two weeks, then?� Sirius let
himself be pushed, eyes on the floor.

�Well,
maybe that too,� Remus replied honestly.

They hadn�t
yet discussed anything and the silences and polite manner was starting to wear
extremely thin. But every time Remus tried, they were interrupted, and every
time Sirius tried Remus got scared and left.

�We can�t keep
this up forever,� Sirius raised his face to look at him. �It�s driving me mad.�

Welcome to my world for two whole
years. �I don�t
like it either but every time I try, we get interrupted.�

�Then
frankly you�re not trying hard enough,� Sirius told him, and Remus was well
aware it was due to his heightened senses, but it felt like a slap in the face.

�I�m not
trying hard enough?� He retorted. �Why on earth should I be
the one having to try?!�

�Because if
you felt for me like you claimed to, you would be trying regardless of whose
fault it was.�

�Don�t
bring my feelings into this,� Remus scoffed.

�They�re
pretty central to the discussion,� Sirius narrowed his eyes. �Or is it that you
don�t actually feel anything at all and it was all a big lie?�

�Don�t be fucking
stupid,� Remus� temper was flared but he was tired as well, and beating around
the bush just wasn�t going to work.

�I�m not
the one kissing Severus Snape,� Sirius folded his arms over his chest.

�You would have let this all go, wouldn�t you, if it weren�t for that?�

Sirius
didn�t answer but the look on his face gave him away.

�I took
comfort elsewhere when you snubbed me,� Remus shrugged, body screaming in
protest. �Is that really such a shootable offence?�

�It is when
it�s him,� Sirius screwed his face up. �It makes me sick, the thought of you
kissing that vile mouth.�

�Well good
thing I don�t need your permission to live my life how I want, then, isn�t it?�
Remus walked to the door.

�So what?
You�re going to go and shack up with Snape whilst he joins the Death Eaters?�
Sirius asked, unable to keep the scathing amusement out of his voice. �Like he�d have you.�

�What the
hell is that meant to mean?� Remus whirled round, hurt.

�Like he�d
look after a werewolf,� Sirius gestured to Remus with his hands. �Like he�d care for you after the moons, and through the month when
you barely keep your head above the water.�

�Like you
would, you mean?� Remus� voice was rising to a shout. �Like you�ll get a flat
with me, and live with me and love me?�

Sirius
didn�t answer immediately but walked closer. �You�d be a damn sight better off
living with me than with him.�

�Is that
all you can say?� Remus had been hoping, stupidly, that he�d provoked Sirius
into spilling out his true feelings.

�Remus, I
can�t love you,� Sirius shook his head and raised his hands up to his hair.

�Then why
the hell have you spent the last two weeks kissing me randomly, cuddling me,
doting on me?�

�You were
unwell,� Sirius protested.

�And
kissing was going to magically heal me, was it?�

�No, but I
didn�t know what I felt.�

�And you
know now?�

Sirius
looked at him. �I can�t love you. I can�t.�

�Why can�t
you?�

�Because��

Remus shook
his head in disbelief. �Whatever, Sirius. Just know
that this hurts more than the water jug did.� He turned to leave. �Don�t bother
coming out tonight, any of you.�

�Remus,
come on-�

�NO,� Remus
finally properly shouted. �Two fucking years, Sirius.
And these last two weeks, when you�ve been giving me little kisses on the lips,
holding me, helping me� they have been the most hopeful years of my life since
I was bitten. But apparently it�s come to nothing, because you �can�t�. I�m
pretty sure it�s a �won�t�.� I should
have known.

�It�s not,�
Sirius protested.

�So. If I
look inside your head, I�m not going to see a load of thoughts about how, even
though Sirius Black has run away from home, he�s still afraid of his parents if
he falls in love with his filthy half-breed friend?�

�It�s not
that,� Sirius raised his own voice.

�Then what the fuck is it?!� Remus exploded, anger tearing along his veins.

�I just�
I�m not��

�Not gay?
Fine, Sirius, but you could have told me that two
weeks ago.�

�It�s not
about sexuality,� Sirius groaned, moving forward to grab Remus but he jerked
out of the way into the dorm, where both James and Peter were pretending not to
listen.

�Really?�
Remus asked sarcastically. �So you don�t care about everyone calling you a
queer? Seems like something you�d get het up about.�

�It�s not
that,� Sirius was getting more and more frustrated.

�I DON�T
UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS THEN, IF IT�S NOT BEING GAY, NOT YOUR FAMILY, NOT SNAPE!
I�M AT A LOSS HERE, AND YOU WON�T HELP ME.� Remus yelled, chest heaving. �I
have to go. I don�t want your company tonight, any of you.�

�Remus,
please-� Sirius sprang forward again, but Remus was already halfway out of the
door and running down the stairs before he could catch him.

He didn�t
stop running until he reached the entrance hall, shin bones creaking with agony
with every step he took. He just wanted to get into the shack and hide, from
everyone, not caring if that made him weak, or pathetic. He walked there alone,
not waiting for his usual chaperone, but left his usual mark on the tree to
tell her he was already in there, as he sometimes did when he wanted to go
earlier than she could escort him. He had no trouble freezing the knot on the Whomping Willow by himself, and as he wiggled into the
tunnel, he unfroze it and he could hear the tree groaning above him.

Finally, he
shouldered his way up into the cold shack, bones and muscles now positively
screaming at him. There was a sob building in his chest and he didn�t bother to
hold it in as he stumped up the stairs miserably. The bedroom was untouched,
just as he�d left it after he�d spent the night there, the last time he�d properly
cried over the mess he�d gotten himself into, the night before Sirius had
sliced his wrist open.

He hated
proving everyone�s rumours right, but he was feeling overly dramatic with his
anger and pain. He sat down on the bed wishing that James and Peter hadn�t been
there to cart him off to the hospital wing. A tremor wracked up his spine and
he cried out in agony, that time, as opposed to misery. He knew he was in for
one hell of a night, if those kinds of pains were coming so early. Normally
they didn�t start until ten minutes before his transformation.

Son of a bitch, Sirius. He inwardly swore as another pain
bought tears to his eyes. He knew it wasn�t only the pain of the transformation
his inner wolf was going to take out on his body that night.

***

Sirius was
beside himself, wearing a path on the floor of the dorm as he paced back and
forth over the cold slabs. His thumbnail was wedged permanently in between his
teeth as he did so, arms folded over his body, face screwed up with worry.
James was sat cross-legged on his bed, watching him pace back and forth, whilst
Peter stood at the open window, listening for any sounds of howling.

�We know
he�s in the shack,� James repeated pointedly. �He�s on the map. At least we
know he�s there.�

�I know but
Merlin James, he�s going to tear seven shades of shit out of himself tonight
and none of us are there to stop him, none of us are there to protect him,�
Sirius� voice gave a wobble as suddenly a howl tore through the air from the
direction of the village. �Oh fuck it, Remus.�

�You can�t
go,� Peter turned to him instantly. �He asked us not to go. You know what he�s
like, he always, always gets angry in wolf-form if we disobey a request he made
in human form. He�ll rip you to pieces, he was so angry before he left.�

�I don�t
care,� Sirius made for the door, but James caught him around the waist.

�Pads,
there�s no use in two of you resembling a bloody mess on the floor in the morning, it�ll be bad enough with it just being Moony. Sit
down,� he pushed him onto his bed, and sat down next to him.

�I upset
him right before the full moon,� Sirius said aloud bleakly. �What kind of
fucker am I, James?�

�To be
fair, mate, he did most of the shouting, and he didn�t let you explain
yourself,� James put an arm around his shoulders.

�But I
should have known better, I should never have even spoken to him,� Sirius
closed his eyes.

�Maybe, but
Remus isn�t without blame too. And it�s too late now to do anything about it,�
Peter said softly, kneeling down in front of him.

�He�s not
at blame at all,� Sirius muttered. �I should have spoken to him before tonight.
Should have told him the truth.�

�What is
the truth?� James asked.

�I�m going
to tell him as soon as he�s awake in the morning,� Sirius bit his lip. �And I
want him to hear it first.�
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January