Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Torn	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Ron Views: 3458 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Well. I�ve not stood out here like
this for a long time.

Severus was
looking at The Burrow from the boundary fence, trying to prepare himself to go
and knock on the kitchen door. He couldn�t deny that it felt like he was about
to commit a betrayal.

You can�t carry on like this. If
they can�t help you bring him round then nobody can.

Swallowing
that painful thought away, Severus pushed off the fence and managed to make it
level with the chickens before he stopped again. Sooner or later someone would
come out of the door and see him.

This is ridiculous. I should just go
home and sort this out myself.

But the
truth of the matter was that he�d left Remus threatening to go to the Weasleys
himself if Severus did not. And he�d had the same promise from Harry the day
before. Severus knew he had to be the one to take the first step. He�d already owled into work to alert them he was unable to come in �one
of the very few sick days he�d ever taken in his entire life.

I hate this. I hate accepting help.
Fuck�s sake, it shouldn�t be this hard to walk up to somebody and say �I can�t
do this any more�. Should it?

Severus was
wearing what he�d managed to escape from their cottage in the night before
�boots, black jeans, shirt and his beautiful fitted leather jacket on the top,
which fit snugly around his thin frame, cutting off just at the hipline. And a scarf which was doing very little to protect him against the
sharp wind.

A leather jacket which he picked
out.

Severus
shuddered slightly and reached a hand up to stroke at the butter soft leather.
At some point in their relationship Ron had become better than Severus at
picking out clothes for them both. There had been a slight kerfuffle when
Severus had caught sight of the price tag on the jacket, but that had just started
an argument about Severus being (as Ron had put it) �so tight your arse
squeaks�. After they�d finished laughing, he�d tried it on and fallen in love
with the simplistic design, and he thanked his lucky stars he was wealthier
than he�d ever been in his life so that he could buy the wonderful piece of
clothing.

The wealth
was another thing Ron had taken to like a fish to water. He wasn�t flighty, and
he never spent more than necessary, but it was obvious that he loved being able
to have what he wanted, when he wanted it. Severus knew it was just a result of
being exactly the opposite in his childhood.

You can stand here and reminisce all
you like, the sharp
voice in his head told him. But unless you go in there and ask for help�

Severus
jerked back to reality and tugged on George�s lead. �C�mon,
George. Into the bloody breach, I suppose.�

Rapping
smartly on the glass of the Weasley front door, Severus felt ill. It swung open
seconds later and he found himself confronted with Charlie, half-dressed. Severus
kept his eyes firmly away from his muscled, tanned torso.

�Severus, what on earth? You look like��

�Shit, I know,� Severus was getting rather aggravated about people telling him
so.

�It�s
early,� Charlie frowned.

�Can I come in?� Severus asked pointedly as he let George�s lead drop and the
dog launched into the kitchen.

�Oh, yeah,
sorry, �course,� Charlie walked back into the kitchen, holding the spatula he
clutched in his hand. �I�m just making breakfast, do you want food?�

Severus
shut the door behind him and turned a little green at the smell of cooking
bacon �a scent which, he realised, reminded him of Ron more than he knew. The
bracelet at his wrist released a spurt of warmth, as though to give him
courage.

I don�t need courage. I need a stiff
fucking drink!

�No, I�m
fine,� he turned into the kitchen and saw George slobbering over Bill at the
table.

�You do
know its half past six in the morning, right?� Charlie yawned, turning back to
the hob.

�You�re
both up,� Severus looked between them.

�Fair
enough,� Bill looked at him. �Coffee?�

Severus had
already had four cups at Remus�, thinking the caffeine might help him. But he
shook his head then.

�You, don�t
want coffee?� Charlie asked in over-the-top shock. �Merlin preserve us, the
world�s gone mad.� He turned back to the frying pan on the hob with another
yawn.

�Maybe it has,� Severus shrugged, and slipped down to sit at the table. �Is
your Dad around?�

�He is,�
Arthur�s warm voice preceded him through the door, and Severus couldn�t help
but marvel at the man�s seemingly always perfect timing. �Severus,
good to see you. You�ve been so quiet over the last week we were coming
to visit today to check you were both still in the country!�

Severus was
simply astounded at how the man could make small talk, even joke, after losing
his wife of over thirty years so recently. He swallowed.

�Well,
actually, that�s why I�m here.� He heard Charlie drop the spatula in the pan
and knew all eyes were on him. �I need your help. Ron� he�s dealing with this
in a way I can�t cope with alone.�

�What kind
of way?� Bill asked.

�It�s
unbearable,� Severus looked down at his lap. �For a week it�s been nothing but
silence, and being beyond hostile, and then last night it all finally came out
in the wash� that he blames me for Molly�s death.�

Before
anyone could reply, there was the sound of footsteps on the staircase and a
thump as someone leapt off the bottom step. There was then a giggle and a
second thump. Severus looked into the hallway and blinked in shock.

But his shock
was absolutely nothing compared to the look of horror on George�s face, or the embarrassed flush on Seamus�
cheeks. Their hands were entwined and both looked suitably sleep tousled. There
was no doubt, at least for Severus and Charlie, the two gay men in the kitchen, that they had just tumbled out of the same bed.

George
floundered before Severus, his open mouth trembling slightly. He looked
desperately over and met Severus� gaze, pleading for something that Severus
wasn�t sure he understood. Either way, both Seamus and George remained frozen,
hand in hand.

And then
suddenly, as if he should have known it all along, Severus did understand. He flashed his eyes between the men in the
doorframe and turned back to those at the table. �And, whilst we�re being
truthful, George is bisexual. And, as you�ve probably figured, he�s going out
with Seamus.�

�I did
rather wonder about all the used cups in the sink every morning,� Bill laughed.

�You
couldn�t have bloody washed up after yourself?!� George burst out, turning with
an incredulous expression on his face to Seamus.

�Well,
washing up kinda tends to get in the way of a quick
exit,� Seamus replied sarcastically.

�Well,
George, I�m thrilled you�re finally done with indecision,� Arthur looked wanly
at his son, smiling. �But Severus needs to have a chat about Ron��

�Why,
what�s the matter with him?� George frowned.

Great, now I have even more of a
captive audience.

George
moved into the kitchen to sit down.

�I need to
go, I�ve got work,� Seamus whispered. �I�ll� see you later.�

�Yeah,
guess you will,� a happy smile blossomed onto George�s face and Severus felt
glad, if nothing else came out of his visit, he�d at least done George a
favour.

Seamus
departed through the fire with a shy wave, and George sat down at the table.
�So, you were saying. Ron?� He said firmly, making it clear the subject of his
boyfriend was closed for the moment.

Severus
slowly recounted the way things had unfolded since the funeral and kept his
eyes firmly on the wood.

I hate this. I hate betraying him
like this. He�s never going to forgive me.

�Why the
hell didn�t you come to us earlier?� Bill�s voice rang out angrily from next to
him. �Why on earth did you let him treat you that way?� Charlie�s voice was
softer, more understanding �out of all of them, Charlie understood Severus and
Ron�s relationship best. Or so he thought.

�Because he
thought Ron would snap out of it,� George sighed, and rubbed his hands over his
face.

Arthur had
remained unnervingly quiet. Severus had left out the sex part; there were just
some things that nobody but he and Ron needed to know. But everything else he�d
imparted in a nervous voice.

�So that�s
what Harry meant yesterday,� Arthur finally sighed. �He said that he was sick
of pride getting in the way of people asking for help.�

�I asked
him not to say anything� but that was before I knew the true extent of Ron�s
feelings.�

�So where is my son now?� Arthur asked, and Severus hated the way there was a
steely note in his voice.

�I don�t
know,� Severus admitted. �I haven�t been back to the house. I�ve come straight
from Remus�.�

�Well he
hasn�t been here,� Charlie mused.

�After the
way he spoke to me last night, I don�t think he�d coming looking for me,�
Severus shrugged. �And I didn�t leave anything to say where I�d gone, just took
the dog and��

�Got the fuck out,� George finished helpfully. �A lot later than you probably
should have done.�

�He was
grieving,� Severus repeated firmly, he�d already had the conversation several
times with Remus that morning. �I wasn�t leaving him alone to that, no matter
how unpleasant he was making life.�

�And now?�
Arthur asked. �Now he�s done what he did last night?�

�He didn�t
know what effect that would cause on the bond,� Severus dismissed. �I�m sure
he��

�And if, by chance, he did knock you out on purpose?� Arthur cut to the chase.

Severus
faltered, looking at the smoothed wooden table. �Then we need more help than we
do at the minute.�

�You don�t
need help,� Bill cut in. �He does.�

�He needs a good fucking kick up the arse,�
snarled a voice from the doorway, and all of them jumped �none of them had
noticed Fred arrive. �I can�t believe him.�

�He thinks
I let your mother pass away,� Severus said softly. �If you thought that, would
you have acted any differently?�

�I wouldn�t be stupid enough to place blame,� Fred said coldly. �He should know
fucking better.�

�Language,� Arthur said wearily, even though it was obvious he didn�t have the
heart to properly chide his son.

�He�s just
obviously very hurt,� Charlie threw in, and Severus was grateful for the way
his tone was laced with understanding.

�We�re all hurt,� George countered. �We�re all grieving. But we�re not pushing
away the people that love us.�

�We?�
Fred�s head snapped round at him. �I knew you were seeing someone!�

George
looked at Severus pleadingly again.

For fuck�s sake, George! Grow a
pair! �George�s
bisexual,� Severus pointed at him, looking at Fred. �Thought
you should know.�

�And you
thought now was the best time to impart that? During a
discussion about my little brother�s descent into the world of knobbery?� Fred put his hands on his hips.

�Well, no
time like the present,� Charlie shrugged.

�And why
didn�t you tell me that yourself?� Fred poked his twin�s shoulder.

�You aren�t
exactly the easiest of people to talk to,� Bill said helpfully.

�I�m outraged and offended,� Fred rolled his eyes. �So come on then. Who is the
mystery man? I�ve got to say I applaud your secrecy.�

�Actually if he were at school he�d be getting a Dreadful in secrecy,� Severus
levelled, enjoying the discussion, the happy tones of the voices around him,
much more than he knew he should. �He just trolled into the kitchen with his
boyfriend in hand.�

�Well in my defence,� George spoke up, �I didn�t expect anyone to be in here!�

�In our own kitchen?� Charlie snorted.

�Wait wait wait, I missed meeting the
boyfriend? This is so out of order.�
Fred�s mouth fell open.

�You
already know him,� Severus taunted.

�Please
tell me it�s not a Slytherin, you�ve always had strange taste,� Fred sent a smirk
at Severus as he said it.

�No,�
George took a deep breath. �It�s Seamus.�

Severus
felt like cheering that George had finally, finally
taken some initiative and told his twin part of the news. His marital
predicament seemed a million miles away whilst he sat in the warm Weasley
kitchen, a smile on his face.

�Good god,
now all we need is for Percy to arrive and announce he�s marrying a hippogriff
and we�ll all be complete,� Fred sighed, and gave George a pointed nudge on the
shoulder. �You could have just told me this, you know.�

�Yeah well,� George kept his eyes on the table.

�We�ll be
talking about this later,� Fred walked around the table and sat down next to
Charlie.

�And back
to the matter in hand,� Arthur said, and Severus felt awful at the rush of news
that between them they seemed to have swamped the grieving man with so early in
the morning.

�Yes, what we�re
going to do about our twat of a brother,� Fred said brightly, rubbing his hands
together.

�I think a
Weasley Intervention is in order,� Bill sighed.

�What?�
Severus asked.

�A Weasley
Intervention is where one of us turns into a bit of a knob,� George explained.
�And then the rest of us generally tend to come down on them like a ton of
bricks until they see sense. Ron should be used to it. He should know it�s
coming, to be honest.�

�I don�t
think� I think he�s relying on the fact I would never normally admit I needed
help,� Severus said, voice quieter than he would have liked but all he could
manage.

�Well let�s
not be under any illusions that we�re surprised you did,� Charlie said gently.
�But we�re very glad all the same.�

�Molly
would be proud of you,� Arthur sent him a wry smile. �Thrilled
with you, disgusted with her son.�

�She�d beat
him with her own shoes,� George gave a sad little laugh.

�We�ll come
over tonight?� Arthur shook his head, as though he were trying to prevent
himself falling into memory.

�Who knows
if he�ll be there, but of course, you�re welcome at any time. I think it best
if I make myself absent, though.�

�Hell no,�
Fred said indignantly. �He deserves to see the upset he�s caused.�

�Think about what you�re saying,� Bill gave an impatient tut. �Yes, Ron needs
to see that, but we don�t particularly need to be party to everything Severus
is feeling at the minute.�

�We�ll have
to get Ginny,� George mused. �She�s pretty spectacular during Interventions.�

�Just
remember to take her wand away from her,� Fred added quickly, Severus assumed
his was the voice of experience.

�I don�t
know, maybe we should let her keep it,� Arthur gave a stony smile.

�Dad, you
know� we�ll bring him round together?� Charlie said, apprehensively.

�No,� Arthur got to his feet. �I will talk, he will listen, and you are just
the brawny back up. I might have been the pushover parent when your mother was
alive but not any more, and nothing changes purely because we�re all adult.
When you�re not acting as such, I will act like a father. I�ll see you tonight,
Severus,� he inclined his head and left the kitchen.

Oh my fucking God, what have I
done?!

�Oh he is
pissed off,� George gave a low
whistle when he was sure his father was out of earshot.

�With good
reason,� Bill levelled. �Severus. I�m so sorry Ron�s putting you through this.�

�I�m not
sure I could have stuck around,� Charlie shook his head.

�It�s only been a week and a half,� Severus shrugged. A painful week and a half.

�Still.
When someone�s treating you like that, it�s not pleasant,� Charlie continued.
�And to actually blame you� we all told him what happened��

�Well he�s
always liked placing blame,� George scratched his head. �It helps him see sense
in the world.�

�True, I�ll
bet you good money he�s woken up this morning feeling much better,� Fred
agreed. �Do you remember when he broke the clock?� Bill asked curiously, eyes
flicking to the family clock indicating the whereabouts of each family member.
�When he was eight?�

�That was
him?!� Fred�s mouth fell open in anger. �My arse has NEVER been the same from
the way mum attacked it that day. She blamed me!�

�And did
you notice how Ron suddenly got much happier?� Charlie raised an eyebrow with a
slight grin.

�That
little fucker, when we�re done with him for what a twat he�s being to Severus,
I�m having my own go!� Fred glowered.

***

�I�m sorry,
but he owled in that he wasn�t able to work today,�
the receptionist of the Potions department spoke to Ron whilst she flipped
through a stack of parchment on her desk.

�Oh,� Ron
blinked. �He was feeling unwell last night,� he backtracked. �I left before he
woke up, so I didn�t know. Thank you, though,� he gave her a nod and turned out
of the department, heart and bond thrumming with his own worry.

He had
thought it might be nice if he and Severus met up for lunch, something they�d
not done in over a week, but had been a regular feature before the funeral. Ron
couldn�t believe how much better he felt compared to the last few days. He was
even a little hungry. He exited through the beautiful golden doors of the
Academy and shoved his hands in his pockets as he turned into the lane which
would lead him back to Diagon Alley.

Severus, you don�t just disappear.
Where are you?

He stepped
into an alleyway and pulled out his wand. Conjuring a memory of Severus and himself arm in arm on one of the local beaches, he drummed
up his terrier and spoke to it.

�Find
Severus, and tell him that I�m worried about him and George. Tell him� tell him
I can�t wait to see him tonight.�

The terrier
turned and streaked away, and Ron stepped back out onto the cobbled lane. He
was surprised at the way he really couldn�t
wait to see his husband. The butterflies in his stomach confused him, and
reminded him of the way he had felt the first morning they�d woken up side by
side back in Severus� dungeon quarters at Hogwarts. A smile spread on his lips
as he hummed a tune through the thought.

I�ll never forget the way he looked
so peaceful asleep. So at ease with the world.

He weaved
around the shoppers and looked towards his brothers� shop, but was surprised to
see the blinds drawn at the door glass and windows. He frowned at the anomaly.
Fred and George never shut shop without good reason. Ron�s heart accelerated as
he wondered if their closure and Severus� disappearance were linked.

Why on earth would they be, idiot?
If Severus needed help it�s not like he�d go to the twins for it.

***

It was late
afternoon by the time Severus had worked up the courage to head for home. With
George by his side he�d disappeared into the ether for the day, thinking on his
actions that morning. Ron�s Patronus had burst out of thin air at lunchtime,
carrying a worried message which ended on a surprisingly cheerful note.

It�s like they said. Now he�s
admitted the blame out loud he feels better about everything.

Severus
couldn�t quite believe that the Patronus dog hadn�t uttered one ounce of
apology, though. He had blinked at the air after it was gone, wondering if
there was a mistake and that the part of the message where Ron apologised for
knocking Severus out with hatred had been cut off before it could be imparted.

Or he�s not actually sorry. Severus pulled his key from his
pocket and slid it into the lock on the front door with cold fingers. As he
pushed open the door, warm air and a lit hallway met him and his stomach jumped
up his throat.

He shouldn�t be home. Agh fuck and wank. I only came
back to get myself ready for-

�Severus,
is that you?� Ron�s voice called out from the kitchen worriedly.

With a deep
breath, Severus closed the front door and unclipped George�s lead from his
collar. George didn�t run off to greet Ron, as he normally would have �instead
he stayed close to Severus� legs as he walked numbly into the kitchen.

�There you
are!� Ron smiled at him, and grabbed him in a hug. �Where on earth have you
been? I came to find you at work and they said you�d owled
in��

�I did,� Severus cleared his throat.

�So where have you been?� Ron pulled back, his eyebrows raised questioningly.

�Er, just��

�And why on
earth did you leave so early this morning?�

�I, erm��

�And,� Ron
turned back to the kitchen table. �Do you know what this is about? �Ron, I�m coming
over tonight at five. We need to talk. Dad�. Any ideas?�

Severus
felt sick. All the well practiced phrases he�d thought of during the day flew
out of his mind and refused to return to him. Ron stared at him expectantly.

�D-do you
remember last night?� Severus finally asked.

�No, got a
bit of a blank on it, to be honest,� Ron bit his lip. �I don�t remember much,
but I know we had sex,� he grinned at Severus with suggestion.

�Yes, we
had sex,� Severus confirmed faintly. He looked at the clock, it was ten to
five.

�Good sex?�

�Haven�t
been able to keep my mind off it all day,� Severus replied. Well, that�s the truth, isn�t it?

�You look
unwell, do you feel alright?� Ron sprang forward and placed a hand to Severus�
forehead, but Severus lurched backwards out of reach of the fingers.

Ron stopped
and assessed him with sweeping eyes, and Severus felt a strong pulse of worry
through their bond.

�What�s
going on?� Ron looked at the letter in his hand suspiciously.

�Ron, I�
you have to know I only did it because I couldn�t cope by myself,� Severus said
quietly.

�Cope with what?� Ron blinked.

�You.�

�Me what?� Ron flushed.

�Have you
hit your head at any point overnight?� Severus asked, feeling confusion swamp
the bond.

�Not to my
knowledge. I could ask the same of you?�

�I blacked
out last night, but I didn�t hit my head that I am aware of,� Severus said
fairly.

�You
blacked out?� Ron�s mouth fell open as he said it. �What happened? Are you ill?
Should you be up and walking around?�

Severus
tried to feel relief at Ron�s obvious care and distress at the news of his
recent fainting spell. But all he could experience was numbness.

�You caused me to pass out,� Severus looked at the floor. �You� had kept
something back from me and when you let those feelings out, it was too much,
and I passed out.�

�What?� Ron�s voice rose to a defiant cry. �I swear I didn�t.�

�Why didn�t
you tell me you blamed me for your mother�s death?� Severus pressed on,
ignoring Ron�s denial. Does he really
think I�m stupid enough to take this show as truth instead of denial?

�What?!�
Ron shouted. �I don�t� that�s ridiculous!�

�Well at
least we agree on something,� Severus swallowed. �But you did blame me, last
night. You set free a week and a half�s worth of resentment through the bond when
you reached orgasm. It knocked me out.�

�You�re l-lying,�
Ron stuttered.

�I�ve got
the memory in my head,� Severus gestured to it pointlessly.

�And this,� Ron�s eyes fell to the letter in his hand. �You�ve� you�ve been to
see my dad?�

�I had no
choice,� Severus heard the gentle pleading in his own voice.

�No choice but to spread a lie?!� Ron shouted.

�Are you
seriously telling me you don�t remember?� Severus couldn�t help the way his
face contorted into a disbelieving scowl.

�Yes, I am.
And I�m also telling you you�re a liar,� Ron chucked the letter on the kitchen
table.

�I can�t
deal with games at the minute, Ron,� Severus closed his eyes and took a
shuddering breath. �You don�t remember causing me enough hurt to make me pass
out? To drive me out of our home in the middle of the night?�

�What have
I done to make you do this?� Ron changed tack. �I know� I know I�ve been hard
to live with, Severus, but why did you have to make up this lie to bring me out
of it? My family are going to rip me to pieces��

�IT�S NOT A
LIE!�

Trembling
with fury, Severus breathed in deep.

�I never
had you down for a liar,� Ron scathed at him. �You bastard.�

�I am
neither of those things,� Severus replied.

�You�re a
liar and a fucking bastard, why are you doing this to me?�

�And why
are you denying what you did?� Severus shot back. �You, Ron, you�re the one
that�s at fault here, not me! Not me for once! It�s not me causing the fucking
problem for once in two and a half years. It�s you!�

�It�s never
me,� Ron�s face paled. �It�s always you. You�re always the one freaking out
about one thing or another, Severus. I sometimes think whoever created you
missed out the part which enabled you to be happy when you�ve got a good
fucking thing.�

�You think I�m doing this to create drama?!�

�I know you
are,� Ron laughed to the kitchen. �Why on earth would I blame you for my mum�s
death, Severus? Why?�

�I don�t
know,� Severus growled. �I�ve spent the whole fucking day asking myself the
same question. But at least I knew why you�ve treated me like scum for the past
week and a half, why you�ve been rejecting all of my help.�

�I was
grieving,� Ron shrugged.

�That shield won�t hold up against your family,� Severus warned him. �You seem
to have forgotten you�re not the only person to have lost.�

With those
words he felt the bond shudder violently, and then he could almost have smiled.
The blame was back, blazing down the invisible channels, but now he was
prepared for it. �Ah, there it is. It�s back again, isn�t it?�

Ron looked
somewhat staggered by his feelings. And he certainly felt it.

�So what if
I did blame you?� He breathed, one hand rubbing against his chest. �So what?�

�So what?� Severus shook his head in dismay. �So what?
Ron, you�re blaming me, your husband, treating me like rubbish because of it!
That�s �what�.�

Severus
heard what he thought might have been the rush of the Floo flaring up. Ron did
not appear to have heard it.

�Husband.
Right,� Ron nodded coldly, his voice holding a faint tinge of hysteria �Well.
Fine, here�s how we fix that then.�

In a fluid
motion he had his wedding ring off his finger and placed it on top of his
father�s letter on the table. He looked back at Severus with icy eyes. �And,
you can burn all the books on magical conception. I don�t want any child
carrying your disturbed fucking genes.�

Severus was frozen to the spot, letting Ron�s words wash over him. If they had
been shouted, in a temper, maybe they wouldn�t have been so hard to hear �so
damning to believe. But Ron�s cool control sliced straight through his chest
and took his breath away.

Ron was
similarly frozen, but for very different reasons. His hand felt so empty
without the ring on his finger. The hurt through the chain bond made his knees
knock. Take it back. Take it back. Put it
back on.

He moved
for his ring but Severus beat him to it. He picked the ring up with shaking
fingers and gripped it tightly. �You throw me away to avoid taking
responsibility?�

�I�ve had
enough responsibility,� Ron cried. �I�m not even twenty-fucking-one and I�ve
had enough already. I can�t believe I thought I could handle a child with you.�

Ron tried
desperately to find a way to stem his argumentative side, but the words kept on
coming forth, and he knew the damage he etched into the statue his husband had
become with every movement of his mouth. �I don�t know why I didn�t just
fucking ignore you at school and come out of it straight, and normal. I regret
everything,� he finished spitefully.

Severus
didn�t want to cry, but there they were, the tears brimming out of his eyes. He
swallowed. �Fine. If that�s what you want.�

�You can�t
even be bothered to fight for me,� Ron glared.

�I wouldn�t fight for you either,� a different voice suddenly spoke and Ron
paled as his father stepped into the kitchen.

�I�m
leaving,� Severus announced, not willing to stay and break down in front of the
people that it appeared would soon be his ex-extended family. �George, car, now.�

The dog
turned and walked down the hallway and picked up his lead where Severus had let
it fall to the floor.

�No, wait,
Severus, please, I don�t-�

�Mean it?�
Severus managed to look at Ron. �I truly wonder how you had the gall to stand
there and call me a liar,� he kept his tone calm with an unbelievable feat of
dignity. �You�re a big enough one all by yourself.�

He turned and strode down the hallway, shrugging off the hand that Charlie
reached out to him from the living room door. He made it to the front door
before his hands truly started shaking. He knew he was in no state to drive but
he pulled his keys from his pocket any way and slammed the front door behind
him.

George
clambered onto the passenger side and Severus started the engine, blinking away
stinging tears.

�I don�t
even know where I�m fucking going,� he whispered sideways to the dog, as he
released the handbrake and eased forward down the drive.

***

�So, are
you proud of yourself?� Ron was looking at the floor so he didn�t see his
father speak.

He didn�t
answer, merely nudged his face downward to wipe the tears off his neck onto his
work robe.

�You will
answer everything I ask you, Ron,� Arthur warned him. �I�m not leaving here
until I�m satisfied.�

�With what?� Ron asked quietly.

�That
you�re going to fix this. Though with that little show, I wouldn�t blame
Severus if he were on the first Portkey to Australia.�

�I didn�t
mean to��

�Whether you meant to or not, you did,� Arthur snapped over his weak protest.
�I thought you were doing so well. I thought you�d grown up so much and I was
proud of the way you�ve made your life work, Ron, after you were badly
injured.�

Arthur didn�t need to add that his pride was dangling dangerously in the
balance thanks to Ron�s recent actions; they both knew that without spoken
verification.

Ron
swallowed. �I didn�t know that I was� I didn�t know it would come out the way
it did.�

�What did
you think would happen?� Bill�s voice
piped up incredulously. �What did you think would happen if you kept something
that big and painful inside?�

�I didn�t know
the bond would do it like it did,� a wave of tears coursed out of his eyes.

�No, George, stay away from him,� Arthur snapped again, and Ron heard footsteps
falter. His brother had clearly been attempting to comfort him. �He deserves
what he�s feeling.�

�This
morning,� Arthur continued, �Severus wanted our help so that you two could work
this out together. He was still
willing to help you. But after the insults you�ve just laid down I don�t think
that�s the case any more.�

�What?� Ron broke out. �No, he�ll come back. He always comes��

�No, you
always went back to him to forgive him,� Arthur continued. �And if you�d not
been so dishonourable I�d say I hoped
he�ll choose to repay you in kind. But if he doesn�t, then it�s your own
fault.�

Ron didn�t
want to admit that the thought hadn�t occurred to him. He�d accused Severus of
not fighting before he�d left, but Ron had never really believed that he
wouldn�t, eventually. His husband was a stubborn as a mule, he always just
needed time. Always.

Oh hell and fuck, what have I done�

�Yes, it
hurts, doesn�t it? When you realise they�re not coming back?� Arthur�s voice
softened with the words, but hardened again. �When you eventually get the
nerve, you�ll look up at me, Ron� and take a look at someone who�s just lost
their wife, their spouse� Despite the
best efforts of the man you just chased out of the house through your own
doing.�

Ron
understood that unspoken message loud and clear, too. His father was now alone,
through no fault of his own. And Ron had seemingly pushed himself into the same
loneliness through his own stupidity and irrationality.

�But I
was��

�Grieving?�
George�s voice came from nearby. �We know, Ron. We all are. But we aren�t
taking out our pain on the people we love.�

�I hope
you�re bloody ashamed of yourself,� Ginny spoke for the first time. �Harry told
me, you know, how you treated him when he came and saw you yesterday. You
didn�t even defend him, Ron. A wizard
had his wand pointing at your
husband�s chest, and you just stood by and let him have free reign of the
situation.�

�Harry would never have done anything, I know he was just testing me,� Ron
argued, even though he knew he was fighting a deservedly losing battle.

�That�s not
the point and you know it,� Charlie said firmly.

�You will
fix this,� Arthur spoke again. �You are going to fix this because I will NOT
see you throw this away. Whatever you have to do, do it.�

�But he�s gone��

�I severely
hope for your sake he comes back,� Arthur said quietly, and that finally
prompted Ron to look up through his tears. �Because if you let this get away,
I�m not sure I�ll look at you again in the same light as before.�

�Dad, come on, that�s a bit strong-� George protested.

�Why are you sticking up for him?� Fred asked, incredulously. �You�ve spent the
day bitching and slagging
him off with the rest of us.�

�I know I have, but will any of you
fucking look at him?� George�s voice seemed to be battling his inner turmoil
for calm. �Look how fucking gaunt he is, how much weight he�s lost. He�s not
well.�

�Romance has softened you,� Fred said somewhat begrudgingly, and Ron swallowed.

�George,
did you�?�

�Don�t
change the subject,� Arthur said coldly. �You�re going to do the right thing
here?�

�Well, Dad,
the right thing might be letting Severus go,� Ginny said scornfully. �I sure as
hell wouldn�t like to be in a relationship with him.� She pointed at Ron.

�That�s
incest,� Fred winked at her with a little grin.

�I am not
leaving without your word that you�ll fix the mess you�ve created,� Arthur
breathed heavily through his nose. �Severus did what he could for your mum, and
maybe, if you�d come and asked me, or
Bill, or Charlie, we could have told you what she said before she died.�

�What did
she say?� Ron croaked, quite sure he didn�t want to hear the answer.

�That what
he did made the pain stop, and that she was grateful to him. And, I�m well
aware this is emotional blackmail �but so what, I had a hand in producing those
two,� he pointed at the twins. �They had to get their skill from somewhere. She
also told me she couldn�t believe how well
you�d landed and how pleased she was that you were happy. She�ll be turning in her grave at this. Fix it.� The last
words came out a threatening hiss.

He swept
out of the kitchen without another word and Ron heard the rest of his family
move to follow him.

�George,�
Fred called. �Come on.�

�No, you
guys go. I�m going to stay with him for a bit.�

�You�re a soft bastard,� Fred didn�t keep the disapproval from his tone.

George
waited until they were all gone before he spoke again. Ron waited until he
heard the whoosh of the Floo dying down before he choked out a sob.

�You�ve
fucked up well and truly, haven�t you?� George sighed, dropping into the
kitchen seat next to Ron and pulling him into a hug.

Ron couldn�t speak. His mind couldn�t make up what was worse. How rude he�d
been to his husband, the way he�d treated his husband, or the way his father
had just dressed him down to his underwear and almost threatened to disown him.
At least, that was how it had sounded to Ron.

�Dad�s
r-really cut up, isn�t he?� Ron sniffed into George�s shoulder.

�Yes. He�s had a huge cob on all day. Not seen him like that in a while.�

�Fuck,� Ron tried to stop shaking.

�Well,
yes,� George clucked his tongue. �Really, Ron, what were you thinking?�

�I guess I wasn�t� I just got carried away on a thought. And I did try to hide
it.�

�Why were you hiding it?�

�I didn�t
want to hurt him,� Ron sniffed. �I knew� I knew from when I researched them
that if one of the party harboured feelings of ill intent towards the other, if
they ever released it��

�You knew
what it would do to him?� George pushed Ron away, scowling in disgust.

�I tried to hold it in!� Ron cried. �I thought I was in control of it, but��

�What made
you lose control?�

�Severus
left that part out I suppose, fucking prude,� Ron viciously rubbed at his eyes,
but his tears wouldn�t stop. �We were having sex, and as I finished, I lost
control of the bond.�

�Oh.�

�Yeah.�

�Well I
guess that�s� it�s not like you let go on purpose. You just couldn�t stop it.�

�No. I went
to him because I wanted to apologise. And he just asked me for a cuddle, and it
turned into sex, and then he came twice, and then I came and� whack. I�ve
actually only just remembered that,� Ron frowned.

�I didn�t
need to know the last part,� George gave a teasing smile. �Though, in a minute
I�m going to ask for tips on that coming twice thing, but anyway� You really
couldn�t remember?�

�No,� Ron
said wildly. �All day I�ve been walking around thinking that I felt so much
better, and I didn�t know why. But Severus was nowhere,
and neither was George, and then I got home and found dad�s letter, and he came
in and I just lost it. But it all came back.�

�Wonder if
that pesky chain bond had anything to do with you forgetting? Healing things in
your mind?� George mused, and picked up Ron�s hand to pore over chain, as if it
would give him the answers.

�Maybe,�
Ron shrugged, letting George hold his wrist.

�Can you
feel anything from him at the moment?�

�Nothing.
But the further we are apart the harder it is. If I feel anything it�ll come as
a short, sharp stab.�

�I hope
he�s alright,� George grimaced. �Can you think of where he would have gone?�

�God knows.
It�s getting dark. I don�t� I don�t think I should stay here. I�m the arsehole
in the equation. I should leave him alone for a bit.�

�What if he
doesn�t want to be left alone?� George countered softly.

�He�s Severus. Wherever he is, it�ll be somewhere peaceful without anybody to
disturb him.�

�I can�t
imagine you�re going to be well received at home right now?� George winced. �Nor with Remus. That�s where Severus went last night. We
spoke to Remus earlier and he was really angry.�

�Fuck it,�
Ron breathed, letting his fingers spread over his face. �George?�

�Ron?�

�No point
in me asking you how I fix this, is there?�

�Well, I
don�t think you can do it by yourself,� George raised his eyebrows dubiously.
�So I�ll help you, if only because you�ve kept my secret and been invaluable to
me as a friend, brother, and sex guru.� He managed to wink in a friendly
manner.

He summoned
some parchment, ink and a quill and put it on the table for Ron. �Leave him a
letter. Say you�re sorry �and, mean it. Don�t argue,� George raised a finger.
�And don�t test my good nature. Say you love him. Say anything you can think of
to make him believe you�re sorry. Tell him you�re going to give him a week, and
then you can talk about this with space.�

�A week?�
Ron looked horrified.

�Well, you�ve starved him of yourself for a week as it is, let the man have a
week in peace to bloody get over it,� George pointed out.

�Fine, a week. Anything else?�
Ron�s heart was sinking.

�Tell him
if he wants to contact you, you�re staying in the flat above our shop,� George
heaved those words out as if they were at great personal cost. �But you�ll have
to sneak out before we arrive for work, and come back after we leave. Fred�ll have my guts for bloody garters if he finds out I�m
helping you. And Remus might want a go too.�

�Thanks,
George,� Ron picked up the quill, watching the feathers along the edge shake
with his hand.

�S�all right. And, by the way, just so you know�
its Seamus.�

�Got a
thing for accents, have we?� Ron smiled slightly through his tears.

�Yeah, a bit.�

***

Severus was
still driving, forced to keep his speed slow because his eyes kept blurring
with tears. Even though it was freezing outside, he hand his window down to try
and force the fresh air into keeping him alert. He had rested one elbow on the
edge of the car, leant his head on that hand and drove with his left one.
George was curled up on the passenger seat. Severus knew where he was going; it
was just a bit of a drive to get there. He sniffed and blinked away some more
tears.

The radio
was playing softly, barely audible over the rush of the wind through the car.
He heard the opening bars of a song he knew and liked, and reached to turn it
up.

I couldn�t figure why,

You couldn�t give me what everybody needs.

I shouldn�t let you kick me when I�m down,

My baby.

I find out everybody know that

You�ve been using me.

I�m surprised you

Let me stay around you.

One day I�m gonna lift the cover

And look inside your heart.

We gotta level before we go

And tear this love apart.

With a tiny
jerk in his chest Severus thought how Ron had sung this song as they�d driven
along before. And how apt the words now seemed to be.

There�s no fight you
can�t fight,

This battle of love with me.

You win again.

So little time,

We do nothing but compete.

There�s no life on earth,

No other could see me through,

You win again.

Some never try,

But if anybody can, we can.

And I�ll be, I�ll be,

Following you.

Severus
swallowed a burning throat and exhaled hard, causing George to look over at
him.

�I know I�m
torturing myself by listening to this,� Severus told the dog with a scowl.

Oh baby I shake you from now on,

I'm gonna break down your defences,

One by one.

I'm gonna hit you from all sides,

Lay your fortress open wide.

Nobody stops this body from

Taking you.
Severus gave up fighting his urge and sang hideously to the last part, like always.
You better beware, I swear

I'm gonna be there one day when you fall

I could never let you cast aside

The greatest love of all.

He sang until the song faded into the radio and the lump in his throat burned viciously. He would have found that hilarious, me trying to match my voice to The Bee Gees. Even he�s shit at that. Severus flicked down the indicator and swung into the dark turning he needed. He checked his watch. Nearing six, he knew the car park would be shut, so he pulled over and parked in the first safe space of road he could.
�Come on George,� he sighed. �Beach.�

The dog obediently clambered out after him and waited whilst Severus clipped his lead in place, and locked the car. Severus was glad he�d never gotten round to taking off his jacket and scarf �he was sure he wouldn�t have stopped to collect them on his way back out if had done so.

His chest contracted with the pain of thinking on what had just transpired.

Get to the beach before you start howling. At least down there it�ll be quiet. Severus guided George through the staggered gate and peered down the darkening, leafy path to the beach. Ron would never come with him at night because he said it creeped him out, but this beach was Severus� favourite of them all. Secluded and beautiful, it was the perfect place to walk mindlessly back and forth until you could do so no longer. And that was exactly what he needed.

The only sounds were the falls of their footsteps and George�s steady breath as they walked down the winding path to the sand, which Severus was glad to reach quickly. He wasn�t sure he could hold it in much longer. Ron�s wedding ring was in the inside pocket of his jacket next to his wand, and it weighed like a rock over his heart. They turned onto the sand and Severus cursed to see the tide fully in. He released George�s lead and crouched down to roughly tuck the ends of his jeans into his boots, knowing he was committing a fashion crime Ron would have found hilarious, but he didn�t want to be soggy for the rest of the evening.

George barked at the waves coming on to the sand, and Severus had to leap forward and grab his lead before he took off into the water.

�No, we�re not swimming today,� Severus said firmly, and reined him in slightly. �We can paddle on the edge but nothing more.�

George gave him a protesting whine but cheered up immensely when his fully healed paws hit the freezing December seawater and he splashed happily through it. Severus headed left to where a band of limestone cliffs bordered the sand, knowing he could sit there and be sheltered. The beach was beautiful in its dusky state, the very edges of the sky tinged pink and purple as the night crept in. He could see twinkling lights opposite the shore he stood on.

So. Melancholy beach. Check. Singing to emotive music. Check. Crying?

Severus felt the cold wind sting his eyes as they watered.

Fucking check. What a knob.

Severus
wasn�t sure which of them he was talking about. He sat down in a little alcove
in the rock which sheltered him from the wind. George flopped down on the sand
next to him and watched as Severus pulled out his wand and Ron�s wedding band.
With the wand he created a portable fire and set it on the sand, the blue
flames drenching them both in delicious heat. The wedding band he held,
smoothing his finger over the thin gold. The bonding magic had made etching
marks on the surface, but they didn�t affect how smooth the metal was.

�So� alone
again then,� he turned to George, and could have laughed as the dog looked
warily at the ring. �Do you think he meant the things he said?�

George
cocked his head to the side and blinked.

�Don�t go
dumb on me now,� Severus muttered. �Do you think he meant it?�

George
might as well have painted a sign which said �ask again later� like the Muggle
Magic Eight balls Severus had seen at primary school.

A memory
set about him then. He could remember sneaking a go with one such ball, and
asking it if he would ever be happy. He could only have been around nine, ten.
He�d turned the ball over hoping for a miracle. And the damned thing had just
said �ask again later�.

Severus
idly wondered if it would still give him the same answer. He was still holding
the ring between his fingers.

�What do
you reckon,� he looked up at the steely grey sea. �Should I chuck it in?�

George
barked and Severus nearly dropped it in the blue flames as the sound made him
jump.

�I don�t
see what good keeping it will do,� Severus� eyes over flowed as he looked down
at it. �You heard the things he said. He doesn�t want to be my husband any
more� and he certainly doesn�t want my c-child.�

That sent
the tears flowing thicker, and faster, and a shiver passed through him.

I never ever wanted that. I didn�t
want children. They were just annoying little brats until you. I was glad not
to want them. And you came along and now it�s all I can think about. And you�re
leaving me�

He rubbed
his tongue over his teeth in an effort to keep his mouth closed and his cry in.

Pull it together. You�ve been
dumped. For the first time in your life, you�ve been dumped. You made it to
forty-one. That�s a pretty good run, right?

Severus
ignored the voice in his head. It seemed to be ignoring the fact the only
reason he�d had such good luck with not being chucked was the fact he had very
few relationships anyway.

It wouldn�t be so hard to find
someone else now, you know� take the gifts of confidence, of self-worth and
good hygiene he�s given you and put them to good use.

Severus
snorted through his tears. Ron had certainly had a positive effect on every
aspect of his life. But he also knew he would never have bothered with any of
them had it not been for his husband.

�Buggering
fuck,� Severus snarled, looking miserably out at the sea.

And Severus
knew what was hurting so much �the fact that if Ron said he wanted him back,
Severus would go. He didn�t know when he�d become so slavish.

�I know he said he didn�t mean it as we were leaving� but I think he was scared
because I walked out on him� never done that before,� Severus whispered to
George. �I�ve never had the balls to
do it to him before. Not like with Remus.�

He fell
silent then, appreciating the view and the warmth from his conjured fire. He
and George sat together, losing themselves in the sound of the lapping water
and crying seagulls.

One
particular rush of Ron�s words kept coming back to him, those of his comments
on responsibility, of how he�d had enough and he wasn�t even twenty-one.
Severus, even though he knew he should be nothing other than angry, couldn�t
help the way he felt guilty about what Ron had said. Almost every scar on his
body was due to their relationship. Had they never been involved, Ron might
have stayed scar free forever. He might never have been cursed, and might have
produced his own children with a witch well suited to him, one he wouldn�t
fight like cat and dog with.

And he,
Severus, would have still been teaching at Hogwarts. Or maybe he would have
died during the battle and been free of it all.

Or, maybe, your paths would have
crossed at a later date anyway, and you�d still be together, fighting and
loving with the same amount of emotion?

�I prefer
the option where I was dead,� Severus muttered aloud and George growled at him.

You can�t orphan the dog. It�d break
his heart.

�I suppose
not.�

And you don�t prefer that, you
prefer the reality where you were loved. And the one where
you finally stopped feeling worthless.

Severus
really hated the voice in his head. He got to his feet and left George by the
fire, walking to the sea, his fingers still closed around the ring. He bit his
lip and lifted up his hand, poised to throw the golden circle in the swashing
water.

Out of the
silence, George barked. Severus turned back to him to check he hadn�t set
himself alight, but the dog was on his feet, eyes glaring.

�You don�t want me to throw it?� Severus looked at the ring. �He�s not coming
back, George.�

The dog
just barked again and it was only too easy for Severus to sigh, turn, and slip the ring onto his ring finger and rest it above his own
band.

�Fine, you bloody over-sentimental ever optimistic mutt. You win.�

But they
both knew that George wasn�t the only over-sentimental ever optimistic one
present.

A/N: Severus� song is �You Win
Again� by The Bee Gees and his beach is a real place, South Beach
at Studland, Dorset. It doesn�t look like much, but
it�s one of the most magical beaches ever, especially at dusk, when the sky is
turning: http://i912.photobucket.com/albums/ac330/starstruck86/beach.jpg
- 5
- 6
- 7
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Torn