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Magic	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Ron Views: 6549 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
- 5
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- 7
�Severus,
wake up!� Ron bounced in the bed.

�No,�
Severus grumbled and rammed his head under the pillow. �No. No no no no.�

�You don�t even know what I want yet.�

�I know it�s eight in the fucking morning on a Sunday. That�s enough.�

�You won�t be able to bury your head under a pillow when the babies come,� Ron
jabbed him in the ribs.

�Well I�m making the most of my remaining peace of mind,� Severus� voice was
muffled through the pillow but Ron grinned widely �his husband was waking up
with every word he spoke and Severus would soon give up and talk to him.

�Do you
know what today is?� Ron asked casually, though his insides were squirming with
delight.

�I repeat,
Sunday,� Severus growled.

�Well, yes,
but it�s more than that��

Severus
flicked through the calendar of important dates in his brain but came up with
nothing. Nobody�s birthday, nobody�s anniversary, nobody�s death date� With a
hefty sigh he wormed out from beneath the pillow again and turned to look up at
Ron. �What?�

�It�s
roughly two months today until T-Day,� Ron grinned down at him.

�Is it
really?� Severus� eyes widened, and he rolled onto his back to look at the
ceiling, mind doing the quick maths �they were indeed at the end of August, and
it was two months until Halloween. �Fuck.�

He squirmed
down amidst the covers and blinked at the feelings of shock and worry which
coursed through him.

Ron rested
down on his side, and propped his head up on his elbow, bringing his other hand
up to trace over Severus� collarbones. �I can feel that you�re scared,� he said
softly.

Severus
gave a grunt of recognition but didn�t talk. Ron looked at him for a long time
before he cleared his throat, as if to speak, but nothing came out of his
mouth. Severus� dark eyes flicked to Ron, and wasn�t surprised to see his blue
counterparts glistening with tears.

�Its fine,�
Severus took a deep breath. �I�m just nervous.�

�I know,� Ron sniffed. �And I�m just over sensitive.�

�Better
than you were, though, and at least the sickness has calmed down a little.�

�Mmm, and I
can stop taking those potions which did absolutely nothing anyway.�

Ron�s
increasing frustration with the hospital had been a bone of contention between
them. The hospital kept providing anti-nausea potions but none of them actually
worked, and they insisted Ron suffer taking them anyway, even though most of them
wracked him with headaches, which in turn incapacitated him even more than the
sickness had.

�Two more
months and you�ll be back to normal,� Severus mused. �And I�ll have the man
back who doesn�t cry at charity adverts on the telly.�

�They�re
designed to provoke,� Ron muttered, as he wiped his face dry, glad that the fit
of tears had passed as quickly as it had come.

Severus
laughed and raised his head for a gentle kiss. �I love you.�

�I love me
too,� Ron raised an eyebrow. �You�re not so bad yourself.�

�Arrogant
little ponce,� Severus stretched out his spine and
twisted his hips to side.

�You�re so
bloody odd,� Ron mused, watching the strange shape Severus made with his body
in the bed. �Nobody stretches like that, except you.�

�I�m odd? Me?� Severus revelled in the burning heat in his neck muscles as he
settled back down on the pillow. �How about before we get into this, you go and
make us some breakfast?�

Ron looked
like he was about to launch into a tirade that Severus could go and make it
himself, but his stomach let out a huge rumble at the thought of food and he
laughed instead. �Fine. Be here when I get back.� He
murmured his usual little plea, kissed Severus and hopped out of the bed, pulling
up his loose pyjama bottoms as he went.

Severus
watched him go before he yanked the covers up over his head and screwed his
face up in a silent scream of protestation that it was only two months before
their lives changed forever. He wanted the change, he really did, but he was,
what Ron would call, freaking out. Never in the moments he was with Ron, or
when he was with the babies, but when he was on his own �in bed, in the bath,
and he was sure when he went back to work in his office, he was crippled by
fear and doubt. Nothing he could do was stopping it, calming draughts were
useless and he wasn�t willing to try anything stronger because it would be
noticeable to those around him.

It can�t be two months. It can�t be.
Where the fuck is the time going?

It wasn�t
because they weren�t equipped, because they were. The hospital had warned them
that the babies might come earlier, rather than later, though they were
currently still on course for a Halloween birth, which everyone seemed excited
about. Severus didn�t care as long as they were healthy and Ron felt the same.
But either way, they already had everything they needed.

Including those three very scary
cots�

He couldn�t
help the smile which he gave the cotton when he thought of the day that Ron had
attempted to put three cots together by hand. Severus had done it later with
magic when he�d given up, sulking. And they only ended up with cots anyway
after several long, infuriating conversations about cots, Moses baskets and cot
death, not helped by the pile of baby books� all rendered useless, as Severus
eventually won out, because a sensory charm would alert them all if one of the
babies ended up with their airways blocked.

And that�s just about the whole
problem, really, isn�t it? You were a man who never thought he�d have to deal
with cots, the possibility of cot death, or what colour to paint the fucking
nursery walls. And now you are. You�re the man who sits in a dark room and
brews until his eyes bleed, and then goes to bed, gets up, and does it again.
Not cuddling babies and reading them stories and�

Severus cut
off the mental rant and pressed his hands to his face. He�d had it over and
over in his head for the last month or so. Everything was changing. He guessed
he should be used to change after the past four years, when everything had
upended with a visit to The Three Broomsticks. His life had been turned upside
down and Severus had thought he�d had his time of indecision and confusion
about it all. But after the last few weeks, he wasn�t so sure. Severus couldn�t
deny that he felt cowardly about all his indecision, his fear. Ron was half his
age and yet took the whole thing on like he was born to live the life he was.
Severus wanted to be able to do that.

It�s just odd that this isn�t the
life I thought I�d have at all. Severus knew that was largely because he was still alive,
and he�d never expected to make it out of the fight with the Dark Lord as the double
agent. He had resigned himself to a tragic yet largely unnoticed early death
the second Albus had set him into employ as a spy.

But he knew
in the blink of an eyelid he wouldn�t have swapped reality for what he thought
he would he would be served in life. I
just want it to feel fucking normal. Sleeping with student, moving in with him,
nearly getting him killed, going to Azkaban, moving, nearly breaking up with
him, having children with him�.. Life certainly
would have been simpler had Ron never started having filthy dreams about him.

And
quieter, Ron accidently hit the doorframe as he wandered back through, holding
a tray with coffee and toast.

�Ow, well, there�s another bruise for the collection,� Ron�s hip smarted from
the impact.

Severus
yanked down the sheets, ashamed at being caught wallowing, and looked at him, a
red mark already marred the pale creamy skin exposed as his trousers slipped
down again.

�You�ve
lost more weight,� Severus noticed that the drawstring was as tight as
possible.

�Well, you
know it�s not because I�m starving myself?� Ron turned back to the door. �I
needed bacon. Do you want anything more than your usual boring toast?�

�No, I�m fine,� Severus shrugged, and sat up, levitating the tray up the bed
and placing a hovering charm on it when it was within reach. He took the paper
and the plate of toast. He smiled absentmindedly when he saw it had already been
smeared with honey and butter, Ron knowing exactly how he wanted his breakfast.

He chewed
reading the headlines, none of which were particularly gripping. He flipped
over the front page and was instantly met with a picture which made him want to
gag. The Malfoy name might well have been dragged through the mud, but that had
never been enough in the Wizarding world to stop people reporting on them.
Draco Malfoy looked up him, hand in hand with his new wife who was blonde,
thin, and every bit as infuriatingly smug looking as Draco had ever been. It
was the same woman who had been in the club in February.

Severus
turned the page before a thought struck him. If they were getting married,
there could be a very good chance that the woman was pregnant. And that would
mean that his and Ron�s children would be at school with Draco�s child� which was a sickening prospect. He ate some toast while he thought
on it, wondering what it would be like to receive a string of letters from the
heads of his children�s houses, informing them that they�d been fighting with
Draco�s child. Be fucking hard to
chastise them when that�s what we both want to do ourselves.

Ron entered
the bedroom whistling, holding a plate full of cooked breakfast in his hand,
and he plopped into the bed. �Anything good in that or is it the usual Sunday
morning drivel?�

�Not much,�
Severus looked over at him. �Draco Malfoy got married.�

�Git,� Ron
said calmly, and speared a sausage on the end of his fork, his anger only
evident in the way he roughly bit off the end.

�She looks
like she�ll fit him like a glove, at any rate,� Severus didn�t bother opening
the paper to show him, it would only result in Ron drawing over the picture.

�I hope to
god she�s not got a bun in the oven,� Ron said warily.

�I had
exactly the same thought.�

�Shiiiit,� Ron moaned, and dropped his fork.

�What?� Severus started, thinking something was wrong.

�Well now that we�ve both thought it,
you just know it�s going to happen,�
Ron sighed. �Our poor children will be forced to put up with the blonde little
brat throughout their school years like you did Lucius and I did Draco.�

�Lucius
wasn�t that bad, when we were at school,� Severus said fairly. �It was only
after that he blossomed into a twat.�

Ron snorted
and picked up his fork again. �Your coffee�s getting cold.�

Severus
picked it up and drank dutifully, savouring the rich taste. �That�s much better
than usual, you�ve really improved lately.�

�After four
years of failing to make your morning coffee adequately, I�m glad,� Ron rolled
his eyes.

The nutty
flavour curled around Severus� tongue and he smiled into the mug.

�So what was Lucius like at school?� Ron asked
curiously.

�Imperious,
strutted around like he owned the place. He was a fifth year when I started,
and you don�t mess with the fifth years when you�re a first, as I�m sure you
well remember.�

�Not if you
want to survive the first year, anyway,� Ron winked.

�So I was
only young, really. But he was always strutting, everywhere. And his hair� had
half of the girls in the school drooling.�

�And you?� Ron raised an eyebrow, daring to reach into waters previously
untested.

Severus
shrugged. �I was indifferent to him at the time. Only later� when he came
knocking for support for the Dark Lord, did I take notice, when he seemed to
take notice of me.�

�How much notice?� Ron pressed further, unable to stop, for once his curiosity
grabbed him and refused to let go, whereas normally he was very respectful of
Severus� past and secrecy in which he wrapped it.

Severus
thought on his answer. Lucius had had an obsession with his hair, and touched
it whenever he could find reason to. Only after he�d cleaned it, of course. Swallowing, he told
Ron as much. �He always wanted me to grow it; he told me he wanted it to be as
long as his.�

�Well, now
it is,� Ron�s eyes ran over the sleep-tousled black silk resting on his
husband�s pale back.

�He
wouldn�t dare touch it now,� Severus snorted.

�Now It�s
been scummed up by a little blood traitor?� Ron asked
breathlessly.

�Well, you
didn�t have to put it quite so� plainly, but yes, I suppose.�

�Did you
sleep with him?� Ron questioned, noticing that Severus hadn�t answered whether
he was ever properly attracted to Lucius or not.

�I don�t
think you could really call it anything as sentimental as that,� Severus
squinted at the ceiling. �More like fucking when he could get away with it.�

�Even when he was married to Narcissa?�

Severus
raised an eyebrow in answer. He wondered whether anybody would really guess the
sordid nature of the Death Eater organisation. He certainly wasn�t willing to
teach any of them, even though he was probably one of the only ones that could
�completely exonerated, and still alive.

�Should
have guessed,� Ron mumbled around a mouthful of scrambled egg, which he then
swallowed. �And I suppose there was no way you could protest?�

�Not if I
wanted to walk anywhere for a few days,� Severus replied.

�

�It�s
weird�� Ron mused, taking a sip of tea. �Whenever Harry told us about what we
weren�t there to see, it seemed as though Voldemort was so formal� so�� Ron
couldn�t find the words. �It just seems alien to an outsider that he would
construct a web around him, where people fuck or be fucked, willing or
otherwise.�

�I see
where you�re coming from,� Severus thought about it. �But then you have to look
it as a power objective. If you�ve got a band of followers, and an opposition
to which they could defect, you have to look to ways to keep them followers. By making the web he did, he had half of them hooked
on sex and the other half hooked on the hallucinogenic drugs he seemed to have
an endless supply of� Why would you break away from that? If you�re only human
and somebody is offering you power, sex, money� drugs if you�re that way
inclined, why would you bother turning if you believe the cause is right?�

�Which half
did you fall into?� Ron voiced the question quietly and Severus felt his nerves
twanging on the chain bond.

�Sex,� he
shrugged half-heartedly. �But because I couldn�t get who I really wanted��

�Take what
you can get,� Ron said, repeating the words he�d said before.

�Well, yes.
And I�m not going to deny that it was sort of� exhilarating.�

Ron looked
at him sharply and Severus flushed under the scrutiny. �It was. You don�t know�
there were rules, it was filthy� I was eighteen and��

�You don�t
have to explain,� Ron shook his head and turned back to his food.

Severus
thought on that and was struck by an alarming revelation. What if I want to explain? What if it�s got to come out at some point?

He took a
mouthful of coffee to stop himself saying it aloud.
How had he gone from quivering in fear of fatherhood to talking about his
questionable actions in the long distant past?

�Well, as
long as his spawn doesn�t hang my kids from the rafters I guess I�ll just have
to put up with it,� Ron said, and arranged a whole rasher of bacon on the end
of his fork. �Hopefully we�ll never have to come face to face with him.�

�Our kids,�
Severus corrected him with a firm gaze.

�What did I say?� Ron frowned.

�You said �my kids�. Takes two to make a baby, Ron,� Severus reminded him
dryly.

�Sorry, I
just meant� I wasn�t being rude,� Ron apologised. �It just comes out like that
sometimes. They are ours, and that�s brilliant, but they�re also mine, as they
are yours. You can�t tell me you don�t think of them like that sometimes.�

�I suppose
I do,� Severus conceded, thinking of all the time he spent reading to �his�
babies and thinking of them as such when he was alone.

Ron put his
plate on the hovering tray and leant back against the headboard which his mug
clasped in his hands. Severus could tell the conversation had set him into
thought mode.

�What�s on
your mind?� He asked, picking up another piece of toast.

�You,� Ron
answered truthfully. �You think I don�t realise you�re losing the plot a bit
over this whole fatherhood thing?�

�Bollocks,�
Severus sighed and joined his husband in leaning back on the headboard, so that
their bare shoulders touched slightly.

�You�re
shit at hiding things.�

�I used to make a living off hiding things,� Severus laughed without humour.

�Well,
you�re not any good at it when it comes to me,� Ron smiled.

�I�m glad
of that,� Severus murmured. �Otherwise you�d lose me in a pile of things I
didn�t think I should trouble you with.�

�Mmm,� Ron agreed. �Severus?�

�Yeah?�

�Stop
reading the baby books. They�re just making you worse.�

�I don�t know anything about caring for babies,� Severus protested. �I feel out
of my depth��

�And just like Hermione, you think a book�ll give you
all the answers and soothe your conscience?� Ron looked at the wall opposite as
he said it. �What is it with me and fucking bookworms!?�

�Well,
yes,� Severus hated admitting it. �But books are often right.�

�And when has human life ever been dictated properly by a book? Find me one
person on the planet that�s done exactly what �the books� say they should have
done. Find me someone that has had a textbook reaction to everything in their life.�

�I know
what you�re saying, Ron,� Severus sighed. �But I�m just trying to learn about
it so I don�t feel like an idiot when the time rolls around.�

�You could
just ask me?� Ron looked at him, head turning to the side.

�Because
that wouldn�t make me feel like an imbecile at all,� Severus rolled his eyes.

�You�re
scaring yourself with them and nobody can be a perfect person, a perfect father
all the time.�

�I�m just
trying to give myself some knowledge,� Severus protested again.

�The first
time you read through them that was an acceptable excuse. But
the second, third and fourth?� Ron smiled. �Come on, Severus, just�
loosen up a little bit.�

�How does
three babies not equal fear in your brain?� Severus scowled at him. �How are
you so calm about this?�

Ron
shrugged. �I�m not saying it�s not going to be tough, Severus. Of course it
will be!�

�Then could
you just consider how worried I am?�

�Why do you
think I�ve let you carry on for months?� Ron asked sarcastically. �You�re so
bloody hard to read I think I�ll need glasses by the age of thirty.�

�Don�t
start,� Severus heaved a sigh.

�You started this. Next time, don�t ask me what�s on my mind if you don�t want
to know the truth.�

Sulkily
they fell into silence, but Severus couldn�t keep in something he�d wanted to
say for a while.

�You need
to accept that not everyone�s as easy going as you are.�

�I do
accept that. You�ve been uptight since the day I met you Severus, do you really
think I�m the dark about your personality?�

�I�m not
that uptight,� Severus grumped.

�Yeah, sure.� Ron�s voice was laced with sarcasm. �Anyway.
I�m just� sorry, if you think I�ve been disrespectful of your fears and worries
or whatever. I haven�t. And don�t think I haven�t noticed all the disappearing
calming draughts, either, because I have. I notice everything �you can�t hide
anything from me, and that�s the way I like it.�

Ron thought
over his words and spoke again. �Well, alright, you hide your past from me, but
I understand that.�

�Would you
want to hear about it, if I talked about it?� Severus asked bluntly. �Think you
could stand to listen about Death Eater orgies and beatings and unfair
torture?�

�I would
listen to anything you had to say, as you�ve listened to me. I know listening
to me rattle on about Harry and our adventures isn�t your way of a fun time.
But you still listened. And I�d listen to you no matter how horrible you deem
the content to be.�

Severus
didn�t have a reply to that. He�d expected Ron to come out with his somewhat
tired spiel about how he only wanted to hear what Severus wanted to tell him.
His answer had been different and Severus wondered if that was because Ron had
twigged how he felt talking about Lucius.

�The things
you don�t know are the things that are the hardest to say,� Severus reached out
and laced his fingers through Ron�s on top of the covers.

�I know,�
Ron smiled. �And look� you want a reason I�m not shit-scared about parenthood?
I know I�m young. And I know I can�t change anything at all. Maybe I�m stupid
to be excited about it, be looking forward to the challenge. I don�t
particularly give a rat�s arse what anyone thinks of our decision. Except you, of course.�

He went on
after a mouthful of tea. �Look at the example I had. My parents had seven
children, and no money. And yet we managed. Didn�t feel like it at the time,
when I was forced into stuff too short for me, too battered to be of much use�
I didn�t even have my own wand when I first went to Hogwarts, did you know
that? I used Charlie�s. Probably why I was so shite at school for the first few
years, until I got my own��

�After it
got broken in the flying car incident,� Severus remembered.

�Oh, trust
you to bring that up,� Ron flushed red. �But anyway. We were really poor and
yet they did their best and we all turned out great. And we�re not going to
have that struggle. Three kids, fine, it�s a lot, and especially so all in one
go. But I suppose I feel more confident about it because I know at least we can
have the resources that we want. And I know it�s not all about money and stuff,
don�t get me wrong. But we surprised each other with the amount we had to give
to another person. I don�t see why that shouldn�t extend to three more.�

Severus
felt utterly belittled, even though he knew that hadn�t been Ron�s intention.

Stupid. I�m really stupid. Severus told himself that in his mind and sighed. �Okay.�

�It�s not,
is it?� Ron looked up at the ceiling.

Severus
didn�t answer but leant over and kissed him softly on the cheek. �I�m going to
go out for a bit, clear my head.�

Ron turned to him with anguished eyes, but said nothing.

�I just
need some space to think,� Severus assured him, and moved his kiss to Ron�s
lips, which tasted of tea, sausage and salt. �I�ll be back later.�

�Promise?� Ron asked.

Severus
cocked an eyebrow and kissed him again before leaving the bed. He wasn�t
dignifying that with an answer. Of course he�d return, and Ron knew it. Severus
wasn�t the only one who had insecurities and he wasn�t going to pander to those
he thought his husband should be over, if Ron had given up doing the same for
him.

***

Severus
rang the doorbell of Remus� house and leaned back on the railings which flanked
the stone steps. It was a pleasant town house in the magical quarter of London not far from where
Severus remembered that Remus had lived with Sirius when they�d left school. He
heard a loud shriek and a giggle from the inside of the house and tiny feet
thudding towards the door.

�Crazy
child,� Remus could be seen sweeping the child up into his arms through the
glass in the door, which then opened.

�Hello,� Severus said, coming off the railing.

�What do
you want?� Remus asked, eyebrows rising with the smile on his face.

�Nothing,�
Severus rolled his eyes. �Just to say hello and cuddle your son to prove to
myself I�m not insane to be doing what I am.�

Remus
rolled his eyes and stepped back into the hallway so Severus could pass him,
and he closed the door before speaking again. �Everything
alright?�

�Why wouldn�t it be?� Severus asked from the living room, which he�d
instinctively headed to.

�Because
you only ever seem to turn up on my doorstep when something�s wrong,� Remus
reasoned, and set Teddy down on the floor, where he toddled off at speed after
Severus.

�Look at
you!� Severus grinned at the three year old, whose hair was turquoise for the
day. �Loving the new hair.� He played with the ends of
it gently and Teddy laughed.

�Where�re
your babies?� Teddy whispered to him with a quiet voice which made Remus
despair as he fell onto the sofa next to Severus.

�Talk
properly,� he chided his son softly. �You can speak louder than that.�

Severus
ignored Remus and said, �They�re not here yet. Just two months left and you can
come and see them.�

�I want a
brother to play with,� Teddy made a contemptuous look at his father which
Severus nearly laughed at but managed to catch himself in time.

�Why don�t
you go and tell your mummy that Uncle Sev is here,� Remus suggested, and Teddy
turned and took flight instantly.

�He wants a brother, that�s a new development?� Severus smirked.

�One that�s
not going to happen,� Remus derisively replied.

�Why not?�
Severus asked, turning to him, resting his elbow on the back of the sofa.

�I�m not
doing it again,� Remus swallowed. �The idea of one� passing on this curse, it
was too much. It could happen to the second and I won�t go through it again.�

�How does Tonks feel about that?� Severus asked.

�She varies
between agreeing with me and wanting more,� Remus chewed on his lip in the way
which had always annoyed Severus.

�And what about you, really?�

�Impending
fatherhood has changed you,� Remus laughed. �I can remember a time when you
wouldn�t even have asked the first time.�

�That�s
unfair,� Severus was surprised how much that stung. �I always took the time to
listen to you!�

Remus
looked at him. �But when it came to children you were decidedly closed off.�

�Just
answer the question,�

�He�s enough for me,� Remus shrugged. �One�s fine. One more than I ever thought
I�d get.�

�Being gay for the larger part of your life and all.�

�Shut up,�
Remus gave a tut. �So come on then. Why did you come
over?�

�I told
you, to say hello and see how you were.�

�Come on
Pandora, open your box,� Remus looked at him, an irritating smile on his face.

�Oh knob
off,� Severus groaned.

�Is it the
fact you�ve only got two more months left?�

Severus
gave a curt nod and didn�t speak.

�It goes fast,� Remus shrugged. �No point whinging about it, Sev.�

�I�m not
whinging!� He protested.

�And yet, you�re here� with that look on your face��

�What look?� Severus spluttered indignantly.

�Your �so
help me God� look,� Remus shook his head. �And it�s Sunday, and you�re not at
home with Ron, which tells me something�s up.�

�You�re as
annoyingly astute as you ever were,� Severus groaned. �Fine.
He is Mr. Calm and Collected and I�m a quivering wreck. Happy?�

�Wow, we
got to the heart of the problem without ten feet of crap first. I�m impressed,
Severus.�

�Shut up
and tell me what I want to hear.�

�And what�s that?� Remus asked.

�That I�ll
be a decent father and that my babies will love and adore me every bit as much
as they love Ron and that this isn�t a mistake��

Remus
looked at him with wide eyes and sucked in a breath. �Jesus. You�re a headcase, you know that?�

�So you
never questioned your abilities as a father? You never worried you were going
to mess it up so royally your child would hate you?� Severus burst out.

�Well, I�m
not saying I was arrogant or anything,� Remus frowned. �But I was just excited,
mainly��

Severus
swallowed and leant back against the sofa, feeling ashamed of his outburst.

�Look, Sev.
You�re you. And you have to be the best at everything you do. And that�s why
you�re scared of this because you don�t know how to be the best.�

�I do not have to be the best at everything,�
Severus shot at him mutinously.

�Yes you
do,� Remus laughed. �You�ve always been like it and you can�t deny it in front
of someone who�s known you since you were eleven.�

Severus
grumbled and folded his arms across his chest.

�Don�t
sulk,� Remus laughed again. �Look. I�m just saying that you�re over thinking
it, like you�ve over thought everything since you were tiny, from the sounds of
it. You just need to go with the flow a bit, and loosen up.�

�You sound
like Ron.�

�Well maybe we�re right?� Remus raised an eyebrow and yawned.

�And, I did
have an excuse for coming,� Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out the
large glass vial of Wolfsbane there. �So shut up.�

�Thank
you,� Remus said gratefully, and took it from him. �If you need to stop, when
the babies arrive, I understand.�

�Are you
mad?� Severus gaped at him. �No, it�s fine. Anyway.
I�ve been training Ron up for over a year on it. Between us we�re fine, and
he�s very good at it. He made that.�

�Say thank
you from me,� Remus pocketed it. �But look, Sev� you need to stop telling
yourself you�re going to fail at it. Just wait and see what happens. And if
it�s hard, then that�s life.�

�You should
be telling me rubbish about how it�s a magical journey filled with sunshine and
love,� Severus narrowed his eyes.

�No, I�m
being realistic,� Remus shrugged. �It is hard. And I�ve only experienced one,
not three. I don�t envy you your task at all. But if anyone can make it work��

�It�s us,� Severus finished for him with a gentle nod of his head. �Fine, I get
your point.�

�Going to shut up now?� Remus asked hopefully.

�Going to
burn the baby books on a pyre in the back garden,� Severus smiled.

�Oh they�d
make the bloody Virgin Mother feel inferior,� Remus laughed and Severus
snorted.

�You told
me once I wasn�t my father� that I wouldn�t make his mistakes,� Severus mused.

�And I
stand by that and enforce it tenfold �because Ron�s not stupid enough to stand back
and let you turn into that.�

�I can�t
pin everything on him forever� I rely on him too much.�

�So what,
Severus Snape has finally allowed himself to become dependent on another human
being� I could shout that from the rooftops.�

�Talking to
you is like a lovely slap in the face,� Severus looked at him.

�Well,
that�s what friends are for. When have you ever been afraid to give me a good
talking to?�

Severus
thought on that and knew, yet again, that Remus was right.

These bloody people and their ability
to know me better than I know myself. I wish I�d stayed
unapproachable, it was easier to understand!

�Want a
drink?� Remus asked, getting to his feet.

�No, I just
wanted to drop that round, really. Wasn�t prepared to have
sense beaten into me. I�m going to and see the babies for a bit.�

�Well, good! And think about them positively,� Remus gave him a
thumbs up.

�I wish I
could hex you,� Severus sighed with a smile.

�I�d like
to see you try,� Remus winked. �Do come by again the next time you need dragging
back down to earth, won�t you?�

�Shut up,� was Severus� parting, smiling request.

�Next visit
we�ll be covering: How to say �thank you, I love you, you�re a wonderful
friend� without being an antagonistic discourteous knob.�

Severus�
laugh echoed as he disappeared through the fireplace.

***

Ron sat in
the kitchen, staring evilly at the pile of baby books perched on the wooden
table. They were well read now, once by him, several times by Severus. And they
had turned him into a shivering wreck.

Let�s be honest. He probably would
have achieved that status all by himself eventually.

In front of
him sat his old photo album, the one his mother had put together for him to
take to Hogwarts when he�d started. He smiled as he thought how he�d have to
make three such albums in eleven years time. The picture on the open page was
of the whole lot of them, taken when he was thirteen in Egypt with
Bill. Ron couldn�t get over just how young he looked compared to the man he saw
in the mirror at present.

Eleven years time will put me at
thirty-three. That�s insane. Totally insane. And
Severus will be fifty-five. Christ. Ron looked down at the page. His father would be over sixty
by that point. Ron�s breath caught slightly in his throat and he knew he needed
something to stop him falling over the edge into the land of the grieving for
the afternoon. He pushed the chair back and stood up, reaching for the draw
holding tea towels, scissors, matches and-

Sweet precious cigarettes. He drew one out, struck a match and
took a massive inhalation as he lit the stick. Smoking really wasn�t something
he did very much any more, only socially. It reminded him of being alone at
Spinner�s End, drinking wine and wondering if Severus was ever going to get out
of Azkaban. George had only been a puppy then, a far cry from the massive,
sprawling dog ripping apart a soft dog toy in the hallway.

Exhaling
his smoke, Ron leant against the work tops with his arms folded over his chest,
the chain on his right wrist sparkling at him as he used the hand to smoke
from.

The house
was so quiet; he hadn�t put the radio on because he didn�t want to hear any of
the songs it could play at that moment. He felt so out of sorts because of
their conversation that morning he�d been in a funny mood all day, never
settling to anything. It was only lunchtime, and Severus had only been gone for
a few hours, but he was missing him like mad.

Sighing, he
carried on smoking.

***

�I don�t
know why your daddy listens to this rubbish,� Severus threw a look at the
contraption playing music out to the room. Ron had made him charm a muggle CD
player so that he could play music to the babies when he visited, and his music
taste had been a little too happy pop-rock for Severus� taste of late. �I bet
you when you come out it�s going to be that you�ll only fall asleep listening
to this and then I�ll be plagued with,� he squinted his eyes and picked up the
Muggle CD next to the play, �this weird looking lot, McFly,
whoever the hell they are, for the rest of my life. Though, I will give him his
dues that they are all rather pretty,
despite their dubious sense of dress.�

He turned
the music down to a minimum and turned back to the orb, shimmering as ever, and
smiled. �I can�t be bothered to read today. I�m too restless to pay attention.�

Severus let
his eyes follow a yellow patch of colour as it floated upward and disappeared
down the other side of the orb. It still made him shiver to look at, and to
know that his three children were encased within it, life growing magically.

Our children. Severus thought back on what Ron
had said that morning and flushed a little, even though there was nobody in the
room to see it. �Your daddy and I had a bit of a� talk this morning. He�s being
all calm and cool about you arriving and I�m being� an idiot about it.�

Severus
dropped into the seat next to the orb and looked into the colour, losing
himself in the brightness. �You�ll get used to that, me being an idiot. I�m
kind of a master at it.�

He rested
his elbow on his thigh and propped his head on his hand, looking at the floor
in between his boots. �I just hope you remember that I love you when I�m being
an idiot moaning at you about your homework, or how loud your music is, or how
I�ve nearly broken my neck tripping over your toy you left on the floor� and
how you�re not going out with that muck on your face, or just generally out
without your coat or cloak��

The thought
of his daughter heading out the door with a face full of make-up already made
him broil, and Severus couldn�t help but smile at the way they were going to
have to work together to help her. It wouldn�t be easy for her, growing up in a
house full of men. One of them was definitely going to have to get in touch
with their feminine side and actually teach her about periods and protection. Sweet Jesus not me. Though I doubt Ron�d
get very far. He just has to look at a pair of breasts and he�s lost.
Severus laughed to himself.

�I hope to
Merlin you lot like reading,� he said as an aside to the orb, and smiled again,
leaning back in his chair, arms over his chest, one hand rubbing over the
stubble growing on his chin.

�Severus!�
His head snapped up at the sound of his name, and he saw Bill with a hand
raised in greeting outside the room. �Was hoping one of you
would be here.�

Severus got
to his feet and pressed his hand to the doorframe and allowed Bill to pass
through.

�What on
earth are you doing here on a Sunday?� he asked him in surprise.

�Fleur just
got a bit worried. They�re checking her out now. After the way the last pregnancy
went they�re really careful with her. Mum was thrilled to be proved right about
child-bearing hips and� why am I telling you this?� Bill laughed, and shoved
his hands in his pockets, slouching round to look at the orb. �So is this it,
then?�

�Is this the
first time you�ve been in?� Severus tried to remember.

�Yeah, I�ve
never quite made it before, always at work when Fleur comes in for check ups.�

�Well,
babies, this is your Uncle Bill. Bill, babies.� Severus gave him a wink.

�Hello�
babies. Merlin that�s weird!�

�I know,
I�m not entirely used to it yet,� Severus scratched his head. �Which
considering there are only two months to go should probably tell me something.�

�No point getting used to it now, they�re nearly here anyway,� Bill pointed
out.

�True,�
Severus said with a deep inhalation of breath, and he sat back down again.

�So are you
all ready, nursery painted and such?�

�Still
arguing over the colour of the walls, believe it or not.�

�I can well believe it, Ron always thinks he�s right,� Bill laughed softly, and
Severus watched him follow the colours of the orb.

A palpable
tension filled the room of something left unsaid. Severus nervously twitched
his foot to the low music where he�d put his ankle over his knee, a bad habit
thoroughly absorbed from Ron, who always lounged around with his legs apart and
one foot over his knee.

�How�s Ron
doing without mum?� Bill asked.

�It�s hard
for him, but he�s coping,� Severus played with the zipper on his boot.

�Good,
that�s good.�

Silence
fell again and the tension thickened, and Severus began to wonder if he wanted
what Bill needed to say said in front of the babies.

�Can they hear everything we say?� Bill threw the question out.

�Well, the hospital seems to think they pay more attention to the tones of the
voices speaking to them, and only right at the end might they pick out the
individual words. They encourage parents to talk so the babies get used to the
sound of their voices. Why, is there something you�d like to say?�

Bill looked
nervous at being figured out so quickly, but he swallowed and said, �I�m just a
little� wary of my baby brother being twenty-two and heading into this so
quickly.�

�I
understand that,� Severus said quietly.

�It seems like yesterday I remember him being born,� Bill
murmured wistfully. �And I looked after him a lot for mum because the twins
were a pain in her backside, right from the get go.�

�I can believe that,� Severus tried to sound jokey but
didn�t quite pull it off.

�I just wonder how his life would have been if��

�If what?� Severus stiffened, now almost certain that he
didn�t particularly want to hear what Bill had to say at all.

�If he�d never acted on his sub-conscious,� Bill said
weightily, purposefully not looking at the orb.

�So, if he�d never come after me, you mean,� Severus didn�t
want to beat around the bush.

�If you want to put it so bluntly, yeah,� Bill shrugged. �I
just feel everything since then has been a rush for him� and he�s going to get
to thirty, get to my age, and find that he�s lost his twenties, lost the
opportunities to see the world, work in a foreign country. And get experience.�

Those last two words were quieter than the rest and Severus
was in no doubt that by �experience� Bill meant different relationships.

�Well, Ron�s made it perfectly clear time and time again
that I was what he wanted,� Severus didn�t allow himself to sound angry in
front of the babies.

�Yeah, well� maybe he doesn�t know what he wants,� Bill
sighed. �I just don�t want him to get older and figure that out and cause a
rift��

�Would you be saying this if he�d married Hermione?� Severus
got to his feet and glared at Bill, because the babies certainly couldn�t see
that. Bill looked guiltily at the floor. �Ah, of course� It�s me. I should have
guessed. You wouldn�t mind if he�d chosen this path with anyone else. But it�s
me.�

�Severus, I don�t hold anything against you personally
�you�re obviously good for him-�

�Of course you hold something against me personally,�
Severus shook his head, a disappointed smile on his lips. �Otherwise you
wouldn�t be saying it. You don�t have to approve, Bill, but I�ll be honest and
say this will come too late for him to heed your advice and all you�ve
succeeded in doing is insulting me.�

�That wasn�t my intention,� Bill stood up to his full height.
�I�m sorry, it really wasn�t.�

�Well then I have to ask what your intention was. Who do you think would be happy to hear the news �I don�t
think you�re good enough for my brother and I think he�ll regret you in ten
years time�?�

�I didn�t mean it like that, I just� I�m worried about him.�

�And that gives you a free pass to be as hurtful to me as
you like?� Severus raised an eyebrow. �What is it, is it my past, the age
difference, or the fact you simply can�t understand his choice?�

Bill looked at him and sighed. �No, it�s not any of those
things. I�m sorry to have offended you, Severus. I�m just going to� I�ll see
you soon.�

The tall redhead turned and passed through the doorframe,
shoulders slumped and his tread heavy. Severus felt the anger swell within him
but he didn�t say anything at the man�s retreating back. He had Ron had made a
pact early on that they wouldn�t fight in front of the babies. He looked
sideways at the orb.

�Sorry if you heard any of that. Even before you came along,
your daddy and I were turning heads as unconventional.� He reached for his
jacket. �But just so you know, I love him, I love you, and I wouldn�t change a
bloody thing.�

He pushed his arms into his jacket and walked to the door,
before calling back, �Please don�t tell your daddy I swore in front of you.�

***

Ron stood at the fridge, perusing the contents. His eyes
fell on a can of whipped cream and he picked it up, plucked the lid off, tilted
his head back and squirted.

�Mmmmmphsogood!� He exclaimed around the sickly white
cream. �So, so good.�

He set the can down and swallowed the mouthful, then licked
his lips. �Beautiful.� He raised the cigarette he had in his hand to his lips
and dragged.

Severus is going to go
mad; I had nearly the entire packet. Ron had the back door and the windows open to try and rid
the room of the smoky smell, but he hadn�t had much luck so far.

He�d finally given in and turned the radio on and it played
loudly to the room. A beautiful live version of a Pretenders song came on that
he really loved and he flicked his wand at the machine to turn up the volume.

Kid what changed your
mood?

You've gone all sad so I feel sad too,

I think I know some things we never outgrow.

You think it's wrong,

I can tell you do�

How can I explain,

When you don't want me to?

The radio was so loud he didn�t hear that Severus had
arrived home until he felt his hands sliding over his hips.

�Why the sad song?� He whispered in his ear, and
snuggled closer against Ron�s back.

Kid, my only kid,

You look so small you've gone so quiet.

I know you know what I'm about,

I won't deny it.

But you forgive though you don't understand,

You've turned your head.

You've dropped my hand.

All my sorrow, all my blues

All my sorrow.

Severus wasn�t in the place for the soft, slow violin
instrumental which filled the room, but he couldn�t help but feel moved by it.
And before he knew it, Ron was turning into him, and dancing with him, arms
loosely looped around his waist, face level. He smiled at Severus and kissed
him gently on the lips, swaying in time to the gentle lilt of the music.

Shut the light, go
away.

Full of grace, you cover your face.

Kid, gracious kid.

Your eyes are blue but you won't cry,

I know angry tears are too dear,

You won't let them go�

As the song faded off into the ether and the DJ spoke, Ron
only caught the year the song had been released, 1979.

�That�s a year older than me,� he said softly.

�Why were you listening to such a sad song?�

�It�s just one I like,� Ron shrugged, with a smile. �Sad
songs are okay when you�re not depressed.�

�Unless they make you depressed,� Severus pointed out.

�So where�ve you been all day?� Ron asked, tucking a lock of
dark hair behind Severus� ear.

�Well, I went to Remus� to deliver the Wolfsbane,
and then I went to see the babies, and then I went for a walk around London for a bit.�

�Without me?� Ron frowned disappointedly. �You
know how I like it when we do that.�

�I know, it wasn�t the same without you there,� Severus assured him. �The
hotdog seller down by Westminster Pier actually looked really upset you weren�t
with me.�

Ron laughed and looked down between them. �Getting
myself a reputation all around the city.�

Severus smiled and kissed his forehead.

�So do you feel better about what we talked about this
morning?� Ron asked hopefully.

Severus nodded. �Remus managed to sort my head out a little
bit.�

�Remind me to send a thank you card,� Ron smirked at him,
though he saw the clouded look in Severus� eyes and his own narrowed. �What
else happened?�

Severus swallowed. �Do you think�
Are you sure, Ron, that this is what you want?�

�I�m not following you, Severus,� Ron blinked. �Sure of
what?�

�Me, the babies�� Severus said quietly.

�Yes, I�m dead sure,� Ron replied icily, annoyed that they
were discussing the topic again.

�And you don�t think you�ll get to thirty and regret me, and
regret losing your twenties, and regret having children?�

�Well it�d be a bit bloody late if I did!� Ron cried. �Severus, why, why are we
going through this yet again?�

Severus didn�t answer quickly enough and Ron felt him tense,
both physically in his arms and emotionally through the chain bond. �Alright,
out with it, who�s said what?�

How the hell does he
do that?! Severus
thought about lying, making up a story. But as Ron had pointed out that morning,
he could never keep anything from his husband for long, so honesty was the
easiest policy.

�Bill. He popped in when I was at the hospital. Fleur had
some pains and he came to see the babies while they checked her��

�That all sounds genial enough, what changed?� Ron�s brow
furrowed.

Severus relayed his conversation with Bill to almost the
exact word, looking at a spot on the tiled floor to avoid having to look at
Ron�s face. His voice grew quieter and quieter as he went on and he was
whispering by the end.

�For fuck�s sake,� Ron cursed hotly, and pulled backwards
out of Severus� grasp. �He had absolutely no right.�

�He�s just� concerned for you,� Severus said dully.

�Does that make what he said hurt any less?� Ron�s eyebrows rose,
daring Severus to contradict him.

�No.�

�Stay here,� Ron stormed into the hall and rammed his feet
into his trainers.

�Where are you going?� Severus groaned.

�I�m going to give my big brother a piece of my mind,� Ron
growled, and grabbed �much to Severus� alarm- his wand from the kitchen table
as he stormed back into the room.

�Ron, you don�t have to go storming off in my defence,�
Severus raised a hand to grab Ron as he stomped into the living room.

�Yes, I do,� Ron fumed, and Severus took a moment to marvel
over his summery tanned face, freckles splattered over the skin, his furious
eyes and tightly drawn mouth. �I�m not having this �the second they get you
alone they get their claws in and I�M NOT HAVING IT. It�s not fair. They don�t
have to like my choices but they should damn well respect them �I�m not a
fucking child any more.�

He grabbed Severus by the front of his jacket and pulled him
close, and crashed their lips together. Severus could only be stand and be
kissed, there was no point fighting Ron�s pseudo-pregnancy-hormone-driven temper.
And then there�s the fact that he is just
so attractive when he�s like this.

Ron pulled away and reached for a fistful of Floo powder.
�Dinner�s in the oven. I�ll be back before it�s ready; this won�t take long at
all.�

And then he disappeared, leaving Severus still open-mouthed
from the kiss, breathless from the energy Ron had radiated.

***

Ron didn�t even bother trying to calm himself down as he
appeared in the familiar grate of Shell Cottage. And to spite his brother he
didn�t bother wiping the soot off his trainers, either.

�Bill! I need to talk to you!� he shouted, climbing off the
hearth and looking around for signs of life.

His brother appeared in the doorway, his hair loose around
his shoulders and he looked, as Ron thought he might, guilty.

�Where the fuck do you get off talking to Severus like that?� Ron fumed
instantly at him, forgoing the pleasantries.

�Look, Ron, I really regret what I said-�

�The point is that you should never have said it in the
first place!� Ron cried, bringing his hand up to his head as he paced in front
of the fire. �How dare you? Not only because you were so rude, but how dare you
say something like that in front of my children? You�d better hope to hell and
back none of them remember that little conversation.�

�I�m sorry, alright?� Bill stared at him, face downcast. �I
know I was out of order.�

�You can think what you want, let me get that much clear,
Bill. You don�t have to like my decisions; you don�t even really have to
support them if you want to be an arsehole about it. But it�s a bit fucking
late to start moaning to Severus about them, and it�s too late to get me to
change my mind. Which you won�t, by the way.�

�I didn�t presume to,� Bill frowned.

�Then what was the point? He is nervous and scared enough. He�s never wanted this before
me, I�ve brought about the change which made him want children, and then you go
and say something like that, which indicates I�d take it all away again. He�s
not stupid enough to really believe you, even if it made him question
everything. But you should never have been so rude.�

�So I�m not allowed to be concerned for you?� Bill asked
roughly. �I�m not allowed to wonder if my little brother really knows what he�s
doing?�

�Oh come on, Bill, do any of us fucking know what we�re doing? Aren�t we all
just making the best out of what we�ve got? If you remember rightly not
everyone was so hot on you marrying Fleur and you still did it! Whether you
like it or not, I�m tied to Severus in several ways, and most of those ties I
created myself. And I�m happy with that.�

�I�m just� at twenty-two I didn�t know what I wanted! I was
working in Egypt
and it was great but I had no idea what I wanted for the rest of my life��

�Well, I�m not you,� Ron said hotly.

�I�m well aware of that.�

�Are you? Are you really? Sure you�re not just stepping into
mum�s footsteps with the judgement, and expecting us all to be like you?� Ron�s
voice escalated as he said it.

�Please don�t say that again,� Bill exhaled and ran a hand
back through his hair.

�Why, too close to the truth for you?� Ron railed at him, and a small part of
his mind tried to recall the last time he�d really yelled at one of his
brothers. �Tell me, how many more of you feel the same way about what I�m
doing?�

Bill gave a visible gulp and knew whichever way he answered
would incriminate someone. �I�m not going to deny that everyone hasn�t
commented about it.�

�So everyone�s against what I�m doing?� Ron wished he could
have controlled his jaw to stop his mouth falling open in hurt dismay.

�We�re not against it,� Bill said gently. �We�re just� you�re so young, Ron,�
his voice turned pleaded. �So young and you could have done anything.�

�But I chose to do
this,� Ron looked at him. �Tell me. What�s so wrong? I own property. I have a
sizable income. I have a steady job which I enjoy and I�m actually pretty damn
good at. I have a husband whom I love very much, and who cherishes me back. And
we�re about to have children. Tell me, what�s so fucking wrong with that?�

Bill couldn�t find the answers quick enough, so Ron
continued.

�Have you been and had the same conversation with Harry? Have you made him feel
as shit as you have Severus? Ginny�s younger than me, if you haven�t noticed...
But no, of course you�ve not been and talked Harry down into the fucking dirt
because he�s not an ex-Death Eater. If you knew,
Bill, if you could see the way his past still cuts him up��

They both fell silent, Ron glaring across the room and Bill
blinking back at him.

�I�m going home now, to my husband,� Ron announced, putting
special emphasis on the last word. �You can tell everyone who feels the same as
you they�re not welcome in our home anymore.�

�None of them have said as much as I have,� Bill said
quietly. �Charlie and George are extremely supportive of you both. And Ginny. And Dad.�

�So it�s a merry band of you, Percy and Fred that think this
is a problem?� Ron sneered. �Oh, wow, call the Prophet and let them know that
sends me into utter histrionics! Perce�s always been
disappointed in everything I do �I�m not surprised, and Fred thinks he knows
best for everyone. I had more faith in you, though. Never mind. I guess we all
grow up and realise our role models are just human after all one day.�

�I�ve never seen you this angry,� Bill actually looked a
little frightened. �Except for that day at the Wizengamot� with Dumbledore��

�OF COURSE I�M FUCKING ANGRY!� Ron shouted. �Maybe if you
opened your eyes and actually looked at my life, you�d see why I hate you
pissing on it. And I�ve got to say, you�ve had so many chances to sabotage this
that I can�t believe you waited until now, two months before the birth of our
children, to rock the boat.�

�I�m not rocking anything,� Bill cleared his throat. �It was a conversation
that should never have happened, and it won�t happen again.�

�Too right it won�t,� Ron shuddered with his anger. �I�m
going home.�

And Ron stomped back through the fire, blood pumping in his
ears as he did so. He blocked the Floo as soon as he stepped off the hearth and
headed for the kitchen, presuming he�d find Severus there.

�How�d it go?� Severus� head snapped up from where he was
looking at the photo album Ron had left opened on the kitchen table.

�Apparently they�ve all been bitching behind our backs,� Ron
fumed, striding to the fridge and yanking out the bottle of wine within it. He
popped the cork and raised it instantly to his lips, forgoing the glass like
usual when he was upset. �I�m too young to know my head from my arse apparently,�
he paced up and down the kitchen like a caged animal. �Fucking
stupid bastards.�

Severus sat quietly at the table.

�You know, I should have guessed, I should have guessed it
was all too good to be true. I just don�t understand why they had to wait until
now, when we need them the most, to be like this. I would never do this to
them,� Ron felt his lower lip tremble and occupied it by sucking another
mouthful out of the wine bottle.

�Ron, he didn�t lash out at me,� Severus sighed. �He just�
said what he�d been thinking for a while, and their honesty, in my opinion, is
better than lies.�

�I�d prefer their lies,� Ron muttered bitterly, glaring out
of the back window.

�Come and sit down with me,� Severus motioned to one of the
kitchen chairs, and Ron complied, thudding into it and hissing as his ribs
ached.

�So,� Severus said in a resigned tone. �Who�s been
bitching?�

�Him, Fred and Perce. Should have
guessed, really. Surprised at Bill, though, he�s always been a decent
guy, you know? And I looked up to him, was jealous of him��

�They just don�t want to see you make a mistake,� Severus
said quietly, folding his hands in his lap.

�Well they can sod off,� Ron shrugged. �If you�re a mistake, you�re the best
fucking mistake I�ve ever made, Severus.�

�Thank you� I think?�

That caught Ron off guard and he snorted, causing wine to
dribble down his chin and back up into his nose. He laughed through the pain
and wiped his face with his hand. Severus gave him a small smirk of amusement.

His anger cut in half, Ron slumped
in the seat and exhaled loudly. He held onto the bottle as though it were a
lifeline and pressed the base into his thigh, hard. The timer for the cooker
dinged at that moment, and Severus got up wordlessly to retrieve the lasagne
from the oven.

�Do you want this now or should I cover it up?� He asked over
his shoulder.

�Cover it up,� Ron said sullenly.

Severus did so and then closed the back door. He wasn�t
quite sure what to say to Ron, the man who�d just gone and fought with his flesh
and blood over him �it made him feel guilty, but overwhelmingly adored at the
same time.

�Do you fancy a walk?� Severus asked, thinking it would get
them both out of the house.

�No,� Ron shook his head.

�What would you like to do then?�

�I want you sit down,� Ron gestured to the chair. �And I want you to tell me
something from your past.�

�You mean��

�Yes,� Ron looked up at him. �I mean your Death Eater past.�

Severus slid down into his chair and rested his elbows on
the table, smoothing his hands up to clutch at the back of his neck, trapping
his hair.

�What do you want to know?�

�I want to know how you joined� your initiation.�

Severus looked over at him, a slight horror in his dark
eyes. �But that�s� probably the worst about what happened to me specifically...�

�I know,� Ron said softly, and raised the wine bottle in the
air. �Do you want this?�

�Heh, I�ll need it by the end,�
Severus gave a huff of laughter, and cleared his throat. He looked at the
wooden table in thought for a while before speaking. �I suppose it starts with
Lucius. I know that everyone suspected I was in the process of joining in my
last year of school. But I actually wasn�t. I resisted whilst I was still in
school��

�Because of Lily?� Ron asked astutely, and Severus
nodded, bringing one hand around so he could rest his chin upon it.

�I was foolish, really, not seeing it coming. Lucius owled me. Said he was
interested in meeting up with me for dinner, to see how I was getting on after
school. He�d been in contact that last year, too, so it wasn�t really out of
the blue� but looking back, I suppose I should have seen it coming.�

He paused, trying to remember it all right in his head.
�When I got there, he was like he had been at school, imperious� talking to the
staff like he owned the joint.� Severus smiled coldly down at the table. �We
barely even had the menus before he had his hand on my thigh. Stupid as I was,
I enjoyed it. Forgot what he�d wanted from me that last year of school.�

Severus was aware of the burning in his throat, and he
realised that this was something he had never detailed, even to Albus. �By the
time we had our wine, he�d cut to the point. He told me the time was near and
that if I didn�t join them now, I never would, and I�d be one of the first to
suffer as a prospective student who never made the cut. I think he chose those
words because he knew it would rile me into accepting.�

�Because you don�t take criticism on your academic work,� Ron swallowed. �And
that�s what you would have been� talented potioneer,
right? He wanted you on his side.�

Severus nodded once and picked up the thread again. �He told
me that it was that night, or never. He had been instructed to either bring me
to what they were using as Headquarters after our meal, or my chance was gone.�

�And you chose to go with him.�

�I don�t know why I just didn�t walk away. Lucius wasn�t
going to hurt me, he would have been under orders to save it for later, when
they could have had more �fun� with me. But� I said
yes. We ate, and we left the restaurant.�

�Which restaurant?� Ron asked with his eyes narrowed
in calculation. �Was it that one off Diagon Alley� the one you never look at
when we walk past?�

Bloody smart redhead. �Yes, that one.�

�So, what happened then?�

�And then one of the most painful nights of my life seemed
to kick into gear,� Severus gave a bitter scoff. �Not before Lucius had some
fun, of course. He took me round the back alleys, in a dark corner, and asked
me, and by that I mean commanded me, to suck him off.�

�Which you did.�

�Yes, I did,�
Severus ran his tongue around his teeth, thinking back over his foolishness.
�When he was done, he re-arranged himself and side-alonged
me to their headquarters.�

�It was like some hideously bad horror film. The gates even
ominously clanged shut,� another humourless laugh escaped him. �And the doors
squealed, and there were dark shadows moving out of the corners of my eyes. At
one point there was a scream and Lucius just looked at me, and said �You don�t
comment on anything. Keep your eyes on the floor and take what he gives you
like you deserve it�.�

�I think it was at that point I decided I wanted to turn and
run. It wasn�t like I could.�

�So, knowing you,� Ron said quietly, �You would have walked
in to that room with your head held high and your shoulders back and your mouth
firmly shut.�

Severus shrugged. �I don�t remember it being quite so� noble
sounding, but it was what you�ve described, no matter what sentiment you attach
to it, I suppose.�

Ron took a mouthful of wine and breathed in and out
purposefully, though his heart beat fast with the fear of the story left to
finish.

�At that point he didn�t look so� deformed. But he still
terrified the shit out of me, and everyone else. Lucius reeked of fear, I can
remember it. Fear and utter respect.� Respect I instantly knew I didn�t have, and
would never have. Those who rule by fear never deserve it, in my opinion.�

�I can remember this only to a certain point. I remember
Lucius placing me in a chair in the middle of a room, high backed, so there was
no escape. I can remember him leaning over me, his hair� it swept across my
cheek. It smelt of lemons and violets. It distracted me whilst I didn�t notice
he�d invoked restraining spells which tied my wrists to the arms of the chair
and pulled my sleeve up.�

�I look back now and I wonder how I fucking missed it. How I
didn�t even really notice the start of it. But it happened, and then he was
gone, he retreated from the room without another word, no warning��

�Would a warning really have helped, though?� Ron whispered.

�No, I don�t suppose it would have.�

�And then the Dark Lord started, I remember him circling me.
He was saying all sorts about how he knew I was a half-blood, and so was he. He
was glad I�d chosen the right side on which to fight. He told me he expected
absolute loyalty and that he would know if I was lying to him. He promised me
all sorts of rubbish. He never made good on any of it. And then he cut off speaking
and I realised I was stupid to want the pleasantries over �then I wished he had
carried on. He asked me if I would like to be blindfolded. Idiotically, I said
no.�

Severus stopped and reached for the wine bottle, which Ron
freely gave, and he swallowed a deep swig. �You saw me at twenty� at eighteen I
was no different. Thin and �dainty�, as you put it. I was terrified when I saw
the knife he was going to use. One slip and it would have sliced my arm off. He
enchanted it and I immediately wished I�d gone for the blindfold� it wouldn�t
have done anything though, I suppose. I still would have felt the pain and at
least seeing it happen I could gauge when it would be over. I was screaming, I
remember that much, backing up in the chair, I knocked my head a couple of
times. It traced the outline of the skull and the snake, Lucius had showed me
his Mark before so I knew that�s what it was making.�

He sank another swig of wine. �I was bleeding all over the chair,
and he commented on that -the filthy muggle blood of my father being purged
from my body, if I remember rightly. When the knife was done there was no
respite. He set a spell on the wounds which seemed to dig deeper than the knife
and I screamed again. And then he walked close to me, told me he was honoured
that I�d chosen to join him, and then he set what I can only describe as hell
on earth through the wound.�

�I�ve never known how quickly I passed out. It felt like the
entire gouged part was pressed against a hotplate, searing into my skin. And
then it spread, all the way along my arm, into my hand, up into my shoulder and
then through my chest and the rest of my body, bit by bit. This mark may sit on
the arm but the magic; it runs through the entire body. Of course, it was
designed that way.�

He looked up at Ron, who was pale beneath his summer sun
tan. He asked so I�ll tell him. �The
Mark affects a different part of each of us �when he called, the immediate
reaction would be in the Mark, but if you didn�t answer the call, the pain
would worsen in the chosen body part.�

Severus could see Ron calculating back to those first
months, when he had still been a spy. �Your legs?�
Ron�s eyes flashed to them, then back up to Severus� face.

�Yes. I don�t know whether he knew of my reluctance, even then, and he thought
it would be a good way to stop me from running, if I couldn�t physically do so�
I�ve never found out. I don�t care to know.�

�So then what happened?�

�I passed out somewhere along the line. Nobody ever made it
through the pain without doing so; there was no badge of honour for being able
to stumble from the room.�

�Where were you when you woke up?�

Severus exhaled. �In what can only be described as a
legalised brothel, in the headquarters. I don�t know if anything happened
whilst I was asleep �I ached all over anyway and I wouldn�t have noticed if
they�d raped me before I woke up.�

Ron winced at the word he�d been dreading �though he didn�t
know why that should be any worse than what he�d already heard. It had all been
a kind of rape, in a sense. Dubious consent covered the whole area.

�I remember Lucius giving me a potion, to heal me, he said.
I was still an idiot. I drank it, if I had smelt it; I would have recognised
the sustainable erection solution he�d given me in an instant.�

�But, let�s be fair�� Ron licked his lips. �If you�d have said no?�

�They would have done it anyway, without the aid of magic.�

�And that would have been far worse for you.�

�I suppose so.�

�I can remember Lucius yelling orders about, and it was
obvious that I was his prize. He
wanted me stripped; I can�t remember who did that. And then he wanted me strung
up from the ceiling by my hands. My arm and the pain, I remember that more than
the fear of what was going to happen. I suppose by that point the solution
kicked in, I was hard, and horny, and lonely. I hadn�t had sex since Remus� and
I knew I was in for one hell of a culture shock.�

�The thing you probably remember about Lucius is that he
likes to play with his food before he eats it.�

�I remember,� Ron�s throat grew thick and his eyes darkened at that.

�So I remember the whip, and I remember the bleeding from
that� feeling it run down my thighs. I remember the water-sports,� his nose
wrinkled at that. Sex was disgusting enough without the introduction of urine
into the mix. �I took it all, stayed hard and let him play with me. When he
finally cut me down, I foolishly hoped he�d grant me a release but no. He fucked
me� well. I suppose it was pretty much rape, when you look at it. I couldn�t
stop him; I didn�t want it and god it hurt so much.�

�And that kept up, pretty much all night long, and he
wouldn�t let me finish, until right at the end, when he stuck his fingers up me
and actually pinched on the part that counted, and then fucked off and left me
shivering. I had no idea if I was allowed to leave� I could barely walk.�

He upended the bottle and glugged down the remaining wine. �Three
days later the mark burned and that was it. Away, as they
say. And I went back for more of the sex� Lucius singling me out made me
feel wanted.�

The bottle made a �thunk� sound as
he set it down heavily on the table, and then he looked at Ron again. �So�
that�s� it.�

�Are you alright?� Ron asked softly, reaching across the
table and picking up one of Severus� hands.

�Are you?� Severus asked, eyebrows rising. �Do you need me
to show you to the front door?�

He didn�t expect what happened next. Ron�s hand moved so
quickly Severus didn�t see the slap heading for his cheek. It wasn�t gentle, it
was firm and pointed.

�No, you stupid bastard, I do not need to be shown the front
door,� Ron glowered at him. �And you�re an idiot for assuming I would even
consider the possibility.�

Severus nodded, and raised a hand to his stinging cheek. Ron
got to his feet and straddled him in the chair, resting his hands on Severus�
shoulders. He lowered his lips and peppered the cheek he�d slapped with gentle
kisses.

�That was out of line, I�m sorry,� Ron breathed.

�Where did you learn to slap so well?� Severus looked at
him, eyes glittering not with anger, but with a happiness
from Ron�s acceptance, despite the fact he�d been struck.

�You can�t teach slapping like that,� Ron winked at him.
�But I am sorry.�

�No, it was perfectly called for,� Severus kissed Ron on the lips. �I�m just�
made up, that you�ve stayed. Yet again.� He wrapped
his arms tightly around Ron�s back.

�I was never going anywhere,� Ron whispered. �Not if you�d
told me that at the beginning or the end.�

Severus kissed him again and held him in place. Ron reached
out behind him and grabbed the back of the kitchen chair.

�Ready to move to the next part of
your life?� Ron
asked quietly, looking into intense eyes.

�As long as you�re in it, yes.�

�That was horribly clich�,� Ron informed him with a smirk.

�I don�t give a damn.�

-----

A/N: The song is the live version of �Kid� by The
Pretenders. It�s beautiful and I�ve listened to it many times writing this fic.
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Magic