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Never Mine	By : RynStar15 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 21248 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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I burst out of the tapestry grabbing at the stitch in my side and ran headlong into something very warm and solid which squealed as we toppled to the floor. Disoriented, as my mind was consumed with Draco, it took me a few moments to realize it was Ginny whom I was extricating myself from.
"Hermione, are you alright?" she asked, her brown eyes so much like her mother's boring into me. How could I admit to her that I'd failed? For a minute, I thought about lying. There wasn't time to explain…
"I-"
"What happened?"

…
Two months, one week and three days earlier…
When I woke the next morning, it was still dark. I rolled over and stared at the weak moon streaming through the dormitory window and onto the floor. The geometric shapes sliced into the ground by the window panes held my attention for a few brief moments before memories of the night before assailed me, starting with Draco and ending with Harry. I forcefully shoved all thoughts of what had occurred between me and Draco aside, guilt burning harshly at the scene which had met me on my return to Gryffindor tower.
The pain behind Harry's betrayal ate at me even as I tried to remind myself that he didn't mean it. He was just upset, that was all. Who wouldn't be in his situation? I had gone against orders and as a result, dozens of our people were dead. He was right to be angry, right to hate me.
Furious at myself, I could not bear to see him at breakfast. I hurriedly readied for the day and trekked to the library where I stayed until five minutes before my Arithmancy class. There, at least, I didn't have to worry about seeing him or Ron and could study in peace. After the class, however, we had Transfiguration and the three of us normally sat at a table together. I sat at the far edge of the table and didn't look up when the boys came in. I waited for Ron to drop his heavy bag onto the table next to me but their footsteps retreated to the back and I spent the period taking endless notes with by spine ramrod straight while their gazes burned holes into the back of my head.
Lunch was much the same. I sat next to Ginny and Neville who had obviously heard about the fight and were happy enough to talk about nonsense while Harry sat at the opposite end of the Gryffindor table and pretended I didn't exist and Ron snuck worried glances between the two of us.
Out of this whole debacle, the thing that hurt the most his lack of trust. Harry was repeatedly telling me that I was the only person he could really confide in. The only other time I had been at the receiving end of Harry's scorn was in the third year when he blamed me for having his Firebolt taken away (which, well, I had) and wouldn't listen to my concerns about Sirius. Usually it was Ron whom he butted heads with and I took the brunt of his anger. His cold accusations and resentment towards me was almost more than I could stand.
The boys had the afternoon off while I went to a double Ancient Runes so at least I had peace until dinner. I expected to sit at the end of the table alone again but I didn't even make it to the double doors of the Great Hall before someone caught my elbow and dragged me backwards, nearly throwing me into Firenze's empty classroom despite my protests. Long arms wrapped around me and I was crushed against a bony chest.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione," Harry choked in a strangled whisper. "I don't know what came over me. Of course this wasn't your fault, not at all. I was a prat, I was-"
"Upset, Harry," I finished for him, drawing back, my heart soaring. I knew he couldn't stay mad at me for long! "You were upset. I was too when I found out. But this wasn't Draco's fault either, you know that…"
His hands clenched into fists and his jaw grew hard. "Hermione, he can't stay. How many others have to die for him? A Death Eater?"
"Harry, we don't know that he's a-"
"I do! I saw his arm!?
"Can you be so sure what you saw?" I asked warily for the hundredth time.
"Yes! Hermione, it was there! I'm not daft!"
"I never implied you were," I stated calmly. I had been through enough of his episodes to know it was no use to fight with him while he was like this.
"Hermione, he's dangerous. The sooner you and the rest of the Order realize that the safer we'll all be." He began pacing the room, his tight fist banging against his hip with every step.
"Harry, be reasonable, we can't just throw him back to them, they'll kill him!"
"Better him than us!"
I jerked harshly at his words, unable to believe my ears. "Harry, you can't mean that?"
"Why not?" he shouted and I glanced around. People walking by might hear his heated outbursts. I quickly dug out my wand and threw up a Silencing Charm while snapping at him.
"Harry, listen to what you're saying! You would condemn our classmate to death over a ridiculous childhood grudge? You know the kind of life he grew up with, the kind of tasks he was put to, the decisions he had to make-"
"Yeah, and he made all the wrong ones, didn't he?" Harry said darkly. "No one forced him-"
"You know that's not true."
Air expelled from Harry's flared nostrils in his attempt to keep his cool. "It doesn't matter."
"It does."
"Why are you defending him?"
"Why are you so quick to accuse him of crimes we have no proof he has committed?" I retorted. "You know the Prophet has been taken over! Did you ever once wonder why the Death Eaters are so intent on having him back? Even if he is one of them, he's one of hundreds, and barely of age at that! What would they care if he deserted? Don't you think they have bigger problems to worry about?"
"Voldemort doesn't allow desertion," Harry stated lamely.
"That may be so, but he's not stupid enough to waste all his time and energy finding one lone boy who's run off. I think he'd be a little more worried about those missing Horcruxes at the moment."
"He might not know yet," Harry said. "There has to be another one out there, anyway."
"We got them all," I countered, listing them off in my head. "Nagini was the last one and we were able to make it look like an accident during that battle in September."
"Hermione, I told you, I used the Killing Curse on him just a couple weeks ago, it didn't work! There has to be another!"
"Dumbledore said six, we found six!"
"He must have been wrong."
"He hasn't been up until now." I wasn't going to give up faith. There must have been something else we'd forgotten…
Harry shook his head sadly. "Hermione, whether we got them all or not doesn't change anything. 16 people are dead because of Malfoy. He has to go."
"No, Harry." I stood my ground, lifting my chin to meet his gaze and told myself with was for the greater good and not for the smoldering moment we'd shared the night previous. "No. He's staying at Headquarters where he's safe."
Harry let out a frustrated yell. "Are you even listening to yourself? You're protecting the enemy!"
"He's not the enemy!"
"Sure as hell seems that way!"
I sighed, praying for patience. "Harry, listen, the Order and I think he knows something, something Voldemort doesn't want us to know…" I said quietly, desperate for anything that might make him see reason. Harry eyed me.
"What are you on about?"
I worried my hands under his hard gaze. "He had to have a reason for wanting to stay with us, there has to be a reason they want him so bad... Maybe he just hasn't gotten up the courage to tell us."
"If he knows something he better start fucking talking," Harry snarled, his hand going to his wand in his right pocket.
"Harry, we don't know what he's been through. He won't talk to anyone but me and he's pushing me away pretty hard. But we've come up with an idea we think will work."
"You've spoken to him?" Harry snapped, completely ignoring what I had just said. I winced as he caught on to my deception.
"Yes, Harry. A couple of times. He doesn't look good. In fact he looks really sick…"
"Good, the git deserves it."
I glared up at my friend. "Try to have a shred of maturity for once?"
Harry chewed his tongue and I went on. "The Order has asked me to tutor him three times a week to see if we can get him to open up. Maybe we can figure out why the Death Eaters are so anxious to get him back."
"No, absolutely not!" Harry thundered, rounding on me, his face a mask of fury.
"Excuse me?"
"There is no way I'm letting you tutor that maniac! What if he turns on you? Attacks you?"
I didn't divulge the fact that he had, indeed, attacked me several times and thought it best to tread carefully. "Harry, it's just a bit of schoolwork…"
"What if he snaps? He's dangerous!"
"I think I can handle him," I said coolly, my voice deathly hard. Harry's gaze turned stony.
"I know you can," he sighed and I could see the familiar pain that crossed his features anytime we spoke of the thing we never spoke of. "But that doesn't mean we need to be throwing you into risky situations again. We all know what happened last time."
"Yes, we do. And I'm fine, aren't I?"
"We almost lost you-"
"Almost being the key word. Harry, that was four months ago. You have to forgive yourself sometime. There was nothing you could have done to stop me. I knew it was a risk, one I was willing to take. It all worked out the way it was supposed to. You got the Horcrux and I'm safe."
"But not untouched."
"No," I submitted. "Not untouched. But stronger because of it."
Harry attempted to flatten his messy hair and relented by shoving his hands into his pockets. He fidgeted for several more moments until he was calm enough to speak. "I'm not okay with this."
"You don't have to be. It's my choice, the decision has already been made."
"The Order told you to do it, didn't they? Was Lupin a part of this?"
"I imagine he was involved in the process, but this had nothing to do with the Order and everything to do with me. If I didn't want to do this I could have said no. I was given a choice, Harry."
I didn't tell him that it wasn't really a choice at all, but I let him believe what he wanted. It would make it easier on him if he thought I really wanted to do this. Which I did, sort of. I wanted to help the Order in any way I could. Babysitting and interrogating Malfoy wasn't at the top of my "favorite things to do" list, but if it was what they needed, then it was my duty to assist.
"Harry, please do not worry about me or Malfoy. You have much more important things to think about. Malfoy is not evil, just misdirected. He obviously has some sense of right and wrong if he was able to choose to come to our side. He's not dangerous, he won't hurt me. I'm just getting him through his N.E.W.T's and seeing what information I can dig out of him. That's all. A few hours a week."
He nodded even though I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't about to let this go. So, I did what I did best and re-directed the Incredibly-Impulsive-and-Exceedingly-Stubborn-Boy.
"Come on, you need dinner before Quidditch practice," I urged. Relenting, Harry followed me into the Great Hall where the din of hungry children swallowed up our unspoken words and we settled onto the bench in front of Ron and Ginny. They both eyed us wearily but heaved a simultaneous sigh of relief when I smiled. Ginny immediately launched into an idea for a new Chaser formation she had found in an old Quidditch book in the library and I automatically tuned the three out, smiling when necessary, my face trained into mild fascination while my mind worked elsewhere.
What could the Death Eaters possibly want with Malfoy? I knew I had gone over it again and again, but nothing seemed to fit. I was stuck in a puzzle full of missing pieces feeling more lost than ever. Harry could be right, maybe there was another Horcrux. Did Malfoy know where it was? Was that why the Death Eaters wanted to get a hold of him, so he didn't dispatch the information to us? Though it didn't make any sense for someone as low on the totem pole as Malfoy surely was to know something so vital. Even if he did, they were sure to move the potential Horcrux just in case, so questioning him would be futile. Was it possibly something else, something bigger than any of us had imagined? Something stopping Voldemort from death?
"You alright, Hermione?" Ron asked, nudging my elbow. I looked around at my three friends' apprehensive faces and scolded myself for not keeping my dark thoughts away from them. They had enough to agonize over and if they thought they had to worry over me it would just add to their burdens.
"Yes, of course. I'm just so worried about my Arithmancy exam tomorrow!" I crooned in my old school-obsessive voice that they knew me by. "We weren't given nearly enough time to study and we were just starting the chapter about the Nurogi Method and-"
"Hermione, relax!" Ginny chortled and I was glad to see all their faces ease with my feigned anxiety. "You know you'll do fine!"
"But I really haven't learned enough about Japanese methods and I just know they'll be on the test!" I bemoaned. "I have to get to the library! Have a good practice!" I said hurriedly, grabbing my heavy bag and racing out of the hall as if the hounds of Hades were at my feet. When I heard their laughter mingle with the drone of the rest of the school, I breathed freely. I had to keep myself under control.
Having successfully escaped and not having an Arithmancy test to study for, I contemplated how I should spend the evening. The library seemed unappealing. It would be full of students at this hour getting help from Madam Pince and the Gobstones Club would be meeting in ten minutes. I sought solace for my morose thoughts and ended up heading to the Room of Requirement which opened to a vast library with a roaring fire and a lone, squishy armchair. Sighing in pleasure I scanned the shelves of Dark Magic and grabbed several books which looked like they might point me in the right direction of Tom Riddle's mind. For hours I poured over the sickening spells and the ghastly crimes committed by wizards of old. It wasn't until a cool voice alerted me that I would be late for my Potions class that I realized I had once again lost a night of rest. Tidying myself in a provided mirror, I ran to the dungeons and stilled the boys' questions by telling them I had gone to the library before dawn.
My lack of sleep made itself known halfway through the double lesson when I was forced to pinch myself repeatedly to stay awake. I retrieved every needed ingredient from the store room just to keep my body moving. Ron and Harry seemed not to notice, intent as they were on making up for last class when their Wolfsbane Potion had congealed to a tar-like substance, much to the dismay of Slughorn. I worked quietly next to them as they seemed more than happy to fill in my silence with their own beliefs as to the demise of the Ministry, which seemed to be crumpling a little more every day.
When the bell finally rang and we were dismissed for lunch I begged off saying I needed some last-minute studying. Once again seeking the Room of Requirement, I choked down a Pepper-Up Potion in hopes it would give me a much needed boost for Arithmancy and spent my lunch hour pouring through more books, ignoring my roaring stomach and steaming ears.
By dinnertime I had already had my third Pepper-Up Potion; my ears were burning and my hands shook from caffeine and hunger and nerves. I forced myself to bolt down half a sandwich and tried to involve myself in the conversation (something about Neville's grandmother's irritable bowels) but my mind was stuck at Headquarters where I would be in a quarter of an hour trapped in a room with Malfoy and an ocean of unanswered questions between us. I could still feel his lips on mine; still feel my stomach as it flopped over knowing that a part of me wished it would happen again.
I slipped away before the pudding and rushed up the staircase to McGonagall's office.
"Good evening, Miss Granger," she bade as I neared the door. I eased it open and stood before the aging woman who was up to her thin neck in Howlers and Daily Prophets and letters taller than myself. "Go on through. Hurry now, I think this one is about to explode any minute," she said, cocking her head at a Howler which was steaming, much as my ears had been doing for the better part of the day.
"Professor, who-"
"Go on, now. You don't want to be up all night again."
I ached to ask her how she had known I had indeed been up last night, but her frazzled state appealed to my empathetic side and I slipped into the fire after throwing the Floo Powder into the grate. Just as I shouted for Headquarters, the Howler exploded and shrill screams filled the room as the portraits around the room stuffed their fingers into their ears, all except Dumbledore who merely looked on with an interested air. The only words I caught before I was swept away were "careless," "child," and "maniac."
"Hermione, dear!" Mrs. Weasley wiped her hands furiously on a tea towel as she bustled over to give me a tight hug. "It's good to see you. You look peaky, would you like some tea?"
"No, thank you, Mrs. Weasley, I just finished dinner," I explained, eager to be upstairs.
"Well then would you mind taking some up to Draco? He hasn't been eating and I fear he may be ill, but he just slams the door in my face whenever I try to talk to him!" she tsked, irritated. "Temperament of a dragon, that one."
"Yes," I answered distractedly, taking the mug of steaming tea from Mrs. Weasley and hurrying up the stairs before she could engage me in any more talk. My stomach clenched in worry. Was Malfoy really sick?
Deciding to attempt for a civil relationship, I knocked before entering. The room was pitch black and the moment I walked into the room the Silence Charm was lifted and heart-rending screams filled the air. I hurriedly lit the lamp and as the room came into view I gasped and dropped the mug which shattered at my feet. I hurried towards Malfoy who was on all fours in the middle of the room, bellowing at the top of his lungs.
"Malfoy! Are you-?"
"Get-out!" he panted. Ignoring him, I kneeled at his side and put my hand on his shoulder but he shrieked at the touch and shied away, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Terrified, I stood to call for Mrs. Weasley but he grasped my wrist tightly.
"Don't," he croaked, his red-rimmed eyes meeting mine. "Please-don't-tell-anyone, argh!"
His fingers tightened painfully and my eyes watered as I watched him helplessly, my gaze shifting towards the door.
"Draco, you need help!" I pled, starting to rise.
"No one-can help me," he ground out through clenched teeth. His grunts slowly lessened and his grip loosened on me. I sank back down beside him as he worked to get himself back under control, his entire body shuddering harshly. As his breath evened out he looked up at me, malice glinting in his eyes, covering the pain.
"If you breathe a word of this to anyone-"
"I won't," I said hurriedly, realizing this could be the key to gaining his confidence. If I kept quiet about this, no matter how much it pained the both of us to, maybe he would grow to trust me. "Let me get you a pain potion, at least-"
"No need, better already," he grunted, gaining his feet and limping to the desk, leaning against it.
"Why-"
"Don't start. I'm not in the mood for the Granger Inquisition."
I bit my tongue and swallowed the questions I was dying to ask. What curse had he endured to put him through this much pain weeks afterward?
"You should at least try to eat…" I said quietly. He laughed sardonically.
"Why, so I can keep going through this?"
"We can help you. Let us take you to St. Mungo's, maybe they-"
"No one can help me now," he said, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. That was the second time he had said that, and the pain in his voice made me ache.
"I'm sure there's something-"
"Am I wrong in believing that you are here to tutor me, not offer me your sage words of advice?"
Clamping my mouth shut with some difficulty, I stood. If he wanted his privacy for now, he would have it. I had leverage; I knew something was ailing him, something he didn't think anyone could cure. McGonagall might understand what this was about, but could I break my promise to Malfoy? What if it got back to him? I would lose any ground gained. Then again, I was supposed to tell the Order anything I learned. And if it helped him, wouldn't it be for the better anyways?
Shoving these thoughts from my mind for the moment, I joined him at the desk and saw he had an Ancient Runes book laying open.
"Did you want to start on this today?" I asked bracingly, hoping to calm him. He waved a hand as if to say it didn't matter but sank into the chair nearest him. Struggling to hide my satisfied smile, I sat in the other and started in.
We spent the next hour in what I could loosely call companionable study, my gaze occasionally shifting to check on Draco's state when my explanations strayed from the text before me. He still seemed very pale, his bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead, but he quipped with all the usual spite so I figured he would live.
After Ancient Runes, we moved on to Charms and I debated giving him my wand so he could practice. Wondering what Moody would say, I reluctantly handed over my wand so he could try turning the desk into a pig. I watched him more than a little cautiously, wondering if he would turn on me, but he concentrated only on the complicated spell. When he'd done it successfully for the third time he tossed it back.
"Are we done yet? Haven't I been tortured enough tonight?" he asked scathingly. Chewing the retort I yearned to throw at him I nodded.
"Yes, we can be done. You did a good job tonight."
"Oh, thank you, Professor Granger!" he trilled sarcastically. "Just what I've always wanted, praise from a Mudblood."
Before I knew what I was doing, I had struck him across the face. He caught my hand on the downswing, a murderous look in his eye.
"Watch yourself, Granger, or you may find yourself less one appendage," he growled. "You may have gotten away with that kind of shite when we were thirteen, but you're treading in dangerous water."
"You watch your tongue, Malfoy!" I seethed, twisting my arm in his iron grip. "I'm not going to put up with your insolent behavior!" Yanking my hand from his grip I backed away. "I think I've earned a little bit of your respect!"
"Respect?" he snapped, bearing down on me. "I should respect you threatening me, bullying me into living my life shut up like a common house elf? Less! I am confined to a dank room the size of a broom closet, living in constant agony, but I should respect the pathetic excuse for a witch who put me here? I don't think so."
"I saved your goddamn life!" I screamed, losing the war with my temper which had never recovered from those four stone walls. "I could have killed you out there but instead I brought you here to safety, for what? So you can slander me and abuse me? So that you can throw me around and take our protection for granted? Do you know how many people have died at your expense, trying to keep you safe?"
He paled. "I didn't ask for that. I didn't ask for anyone to die for me."
"But they did," I breathed, glaring at him. "People, good people, are giving their lives every day to keep you safe. Maybe you can respect that."
I turned on my heel and stormed out, letting the door slam in my haste to depart.

…
XOXO
RynStar15
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