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Necessary Sacrifices	By : magentasouth Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Hermione/Voldemort Views: 31230 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from any part of the Harry Potter universe

Chapter List
- 1-Ch 1
- 2-Ch 2
- 3-Ch 3
- 4-Ch 4
- 5-Ch 5
- 6-Ch 6
- 7-Ch 7
- 8-Ch 8
- 9-Ch 9
- 10-Ch 10
- 11-Ch 11
- 12-Ch 12
- 13-Ch 13
- 14-Ch 14
- 15-Ch 15
- 16-Ch 16
- 17-Ch 17
- 18-Ch 18
- 19-Ch 19
- 20-Ch 19b
- 21-Ch 20
- 22-Ch 22
- 23-Ch 23
- 24-Ch 24
- 5
- 6
- 7
Severus looked at the liquor cabinet ruefully.� He would not
have a drink at three pm on a Sunday.�

The memories of his father sprawled out on the couch with an empty bottle in
his hand flashed in his mind.� He was
secretly afraid he would end up emulating the vicious muggle if he gave himself
over to the temptation to run away and hide inside a bottle.��

He turned away and forced himself to go to the lab and begin
the initial preparations for the wolfsbane he would
have to start tonight.�

Damn the girl.� Why
had he allowed her to remain after brewing?!�

He knew why he had
allowed it..

Nevertheless he had been sorely
tempted to...� but that was all
foolishness.�

Albus may have subtly bribed him with the overeager student but he rather
doubted the headmaster would be tolerant of his exercising his carnal appetites
upon her fresh young body.�

He sighed.� She was so
small and bright and soft.. He wanted to bury his face
in that mares nest she called hair.�

Fruit scents.. she had a
range of different hair products, each of which he recognised by scent alone
after so many years.� Today it had been
peach and vanilla.� He�d been rapt when
she had hesitated during brewing because it had offered a justification for
standing very close to her and breathing in her enticing fragrances.

It was unwise to have her so temptingly close at his beck and call. �What was the old man playing at?! �And to shove Potter into his bedroom?!�

Perhaps the potion he made for the headmaster to slow the spread of the curse
in his hand was somehow affecting his mind..�

He chopped a handful of thick leathery roots and placed them
into a glass bowl at the side.�

Potter was intolerable.�
It was more than the fact that
Lilly�s eyes looked up at him continually from James Potter�s face � frequently
with a hateful challenge in them..�

It went beyond appearances..beyond his parentage - it
was the twerp himself.� The way he was worshipped
wherever he went for what essentially amounted to luck and the sacrifices of
others.�

The entire world was tossed asunder because of one little twit and he somehow
imagined that everything would unroll before him of its own accord.� The Dark Lord would just stroll up and slip
his head into the guillotine for him to sever. Everyone would have a colossal
party to celebrate how wonderful he
was and then he�d ride off into the sunset with the girl.

That may have been another more recent contributing factor
in his feelings for Potter, he grudgingly conceded.� The boy had been panting after Miss Granger
the entire year although she appeared to be oblivious.�

Seeing Potter�s dream had disturbed him more than he was prepared to admit..on a great many different levels.�

He had been disturbed from the very beginning, watching his fantasy of laying
the Gryffindor princess down in the rank puddles of the forbidding chamber and
having his way with her.. but
that discomfort paled in light of the worrying implications of the rest of the
dream.�

The actions of the Dark Lord had been intensely troubling.�

It was not exactly..the fact that the girl had been raped in and of itself,
even if watching it had caused several conflicting reactions.. �

It was not the threat made to acquire
the girl although that too was concerning.�

It was not even the fact that the Dark
Lord had carried out the act himself, although that never occurred in reality. �Severus
supposed it was possible he had done so because he believed it would be more
traumatic for the boy to watch his nemesis carry out the act than if he had had
dream-versions of Death Eaters take her violently over and over.

Although.. one might argue
the finer points of whether this would be the case.� He had been present for a lot of rapes and
observed the horror and distress of husbands forced to watch their wives and
daughters taken apart by three or four men at once.�

That was not so far off from the crux of what perturbed him about the dream.� �It was
the fact that the Dark Lord had barely harmed
the girl.�

Oh he�d crucioed her a little..
he�d branded her..but his
master seldom indulged in witches and those he did take never emerged
alive.� If they were to be dumped for the
order to find it, was inevitably in pieces.. exsanguinated,
scarred and mutilated pieces...without exception.�

Yet when the Dark Lord had finished taunting Potter, the dream version of Miss
Granger still lay on the ground sobbing and quite intact.�

This was entirely illogical...uncharacteristic.� The many different implications terrified him.�

His Master had been in a strange mood when he had visited
him yesterday though.. perhaps
it was nothing.�

The man had virtually apologised to
him for killing Lilly.� He had offered
him an open ended boon.. That was practically a personality crisis.�

And on the same day Miss Granger had shown a sudden interest
in brewing dark potions .�

Two personality crises..

possibly..probably.. a coincidence.� Her
explanation was not implausible and
the girl had always been willing to skirt the rules when it suited her..

The idea that...� it was preposterous.� Entirely unthinkable..�

He thought about Peter Pettigrew for a moment.� No one had suspected mousey little Peter.�

He didn�t know when the wretched little scab had first gone to the Dark Lord and
whether it had been solicited..but comparing the rat with Miss Granger in any respect was perverse.�

..He didn�t want
to entertain the idea that she might have been somehow ...compromised � Merlin
only knew how such a thing might
possibly occur.� It was preposterous.��

He had invited her to stay for tea purely in order to probe
her a little and allay that wild irrational fear and the girl had responded
with considerable reserve to his invitation to deepen her foray into the dark
arts.�

It was only when he had realised how much he was unintentionally revealing to the
skittish little minx and had backed off, that the girl had pled to be allowed
to brew Grays potions with him.�

She had been upset at his sudden distance and sought to undo whatever had
provoked it � her plea was therefore no true indication of her pursuit of dark arts.�

It was possible she merely wanted to be close to him..

He sighed.� That was wishful thinking.��

But her behaviour had been inconclusive.�
He would have to observe her carefully over the next days.�

It was usually better to remain far away from his Master
when he was not specifically summoned, and if he was obliged to see the man
voluntarily he preferred to do so on Fridays or Saturdays on the off chance he
might require time to heal.. however in light of the
situation, perhaps he should go and get an impression of the Dark Lord�s mental
state in the process of reporting Potters new change of address and the
appointment of his new assistant.��

Yes.��

He placed his ingredients in stasis and went to floo the
headmaster.

Draco groaned.�

He hurt.� he hurt all over.�

The vibrant stabbing burning pain had stopped but all of his
muscles hurt from his thrashing.� It was
not as bad as the cruciatus but it
had been pretty damn horrible and now he was in the Dark Lord�s chambers and he really, really, regretted touching Granger.�

He�d never been in here before.� He
wasn�t really high enough on the food chain to receive personal invites into
the great wizard�s private rooms.� The
fact that he was here now was worrying him massively.�

He hoped he wasn�t going to have to.. to do anything
with him..�

The Dark Lord never got involved in any of the revels.� He didn�t know whether the man even had a cock and he really didn�t want to
find out like this.�

He jumped at the coldly amused voice of the man seated at
the desk

�I have no interest in your body, boy.�

All his muscles jangled and ached even more.

Draco angled his head slightly so that he could keep the Dark
Lord in his sight.� He was seated at his
desk writing in a red book.�

At that point he seemed to finish and swept his hand over the page, closing the
book immediately and looking up at him.�

�I am informed that you are passably proficient in potions�
he said out of the blue.�

Draco blinked.� �Y-yes
my Lord..I am fourth in my year.��

The serpentine face looked thoughtful.�

After a while he enquired.. �What
are the ingredients of blood replenishing draught?��

Draco swallowed and thought hard.� He listed slowly, growing more confident as
the Dark Lord nodded. He quizzed him on a number of other simple potions, and Draco
felt confident in his answers.�

After he had provided the number and configuration of stirs required in each
stage of skelegro, his Lord sat back in his leather
desk chair pensively, his hands steepled in front of
him.

Draco swallowed.�

Perhaps the Dark Lord would want him to train as a potions master like his
godfather.�

It was possible.�

He wasn�t certain he would be disappointed with that.� He did enjoy potions.� ...Not quite as much as arithmancy but well
enough to make a profession of it if it was the Dark Lord�s will.�

Really.. he�d make a
profession of ballet if it was the Dark Lords will.� Not aligning yourself with the Dark Lord�s
will was really bad for your health.�

Better to be a living potions master than a dead businessman.�

The Dark Lord seemed to have reached a decision.� The red eyes that had been staring off toward the fire flicked back onto him and
pinned him to the sofa.

�You shall assist your godfather with brewing for the Hogwarts infirmary, Draco.� He is currently also receiving assistance from
Miss Granger.�

...You do remember what we spoke of, regarding her, don�t you?��

Draco quickly assented, hoping to avoid a reminder.�

�Very well...�

You are not to make your godfather aware, in
any way, that Miss Granger is anything other than what she was to you last
week.

...I am tempted to obliviate you, Draco, to ensure
that you are capable of discretion, but I suspect that you would eventually
repeat your foolish little attack of this morning, were I to remove this
lesson.�

�You will treat Miss Granger no better and no worse than you
have done for the entire year.� Do not ever assume while you are anywhere on
Hogwarts grounds that you are in private and may speak openly.��

�No my Lord.� Draco promised
uneasily.�

Why couldn�t he tell Severus?!� Severus
was in the inner circle.� Surely he knew about Granger.�

�That brings me to the next matter, Draco.��

The Dark Lord rose from his desk and moved to seat himself
in the chair closest to Draco�s head on the couch.�

Draco forced protesting muscles to turn his head up and look at the Dark Lord
above and behind him in the chair.�

He sat elegantly, almost primly, with crossed legs, his arms
on the wide square armests as if it were a
throne.� Draco looked up into the
chilling eyes and suppressed a shiver.�

�I am concerned about your godfather, Draco.� I believe he may have forgotten who he truly
serves in the process of playing his role.

For that reason he has not been made aware of Miss Granger�s defection.. and for that reason � you are going to observe his behaviour
and report your findings to me��

Draco went cold.� The Dark
Lord was telling him that his godfather might be killed..
and he was requiring him to put the noose around his neck, so to speak.

Was there any way he could escape this task?�

�Draco..� the Dark Lord�s voice
sounded measured and reasonable. �If Severus is a traitor..
it is not just I he has betrayed.. It would mean that
he has lied to you..
to your father..for Merlin knows how long.�

If he has truly committed to the order.. to defeating everything that we stand for..then it is in your own
interests to discover this as soon as possible in order to protect your family
from whatever evidence he might collect or have already provided.�

Surely you see that if Severus has deceived you in this way..he
does not deserve your commendable loyalty..��

Draco nodded reluctantly.

�He wouldn�t do that, my Lord.� Severus
is almost part of my family.� He wouldn�t� betray...you�� he said thinking.. �he
wouldn�t betray..me�..

The Dark Lord nodded agreeing. �That may be so, Draco.� All the more reason for you to observe him to
establish that there is nothing to be concerned about.�

I will expect you to report to me weekly and you will contact me as soon as it
is safe to do so should anything definitive
occur.��

Draco licked his bottom lip nervously.� �What would be definitive, my Lord?�

The serpent snorted faintly.

�Definitive would be the man trying to recruit you to spy for the order...or trying
to persuade you not to participate in the tasks I assign you outside of school
hours..

Definitive would be observing him intentionally sabotage anything he is doing
in my service..��
I�m sure you grasp the concept..��

Draco nodded but he felt miserable.� He was remembering how Severus had been very
angry with him when he had learned that he had asked to take the mark and how
he had told him it was a sad waste.�

Lots of very little things were starting to be reinterpreted in light of this
suggestion of betrayal.�

The Dark Lord looked pensive again and seemed to sigh.�

�Do not worry so, Draco.�
I am inclined to be lenient where your godfather is concerned, however lenience does not mean remaining intentionally ignorant.�

Get up.� You may return to school
now.��

Draco winched himself up into a vertical position feeling
extremely sore.�

�Thank you my Lord� he ground out with difficulty, drawing
his wand.�

�Oh.. one
other thing, Draco.� The Dark Lord said with a cold little smile.�

He braced himself for something else unpleasant and was not disappointed.�

�Harry Potter will be staying in your godfathers
quarters for the foreseeable future. �It
goes without saying that you are not to allow him to know of your affiliations,
obviously. �

Do have fun working around the three.��

Draco nearly groaned.�

Potter.. in the same room as
the mudblood and his godfather.�

Fan-fucking-tastic.�

He bowed to the Dark Lord who looked greatly amused and disapparated back to the bushes alongside the road to Hogsmeade.

Severus observed his godson returning to school as he was
walking down the path toward the forbidden forest and frowned at the state he
was in.�

The boy was walking like an old man.� It
was clear where he had been.�

He thought again sadly about what a waste the boy was making
of his life.�

He could see Draco�s desperate longing to be accepted and
praised.� He had told Lucius
time and again that the boy deserved more of his attention but it was always �later-later�
with him.�

The boy had grown up in an icebox of a home.�
Narcissa was pleasant enough in her way but
she couldn�t see past the end of her nose.�

Draco had come to Hogwarts and immediately fallen in with
the wrong people.. all the
children of his father�s associates.�

It had been inevitable, the moment he had been sorted into Slytherin.�

Severus had hoped the boy might be a Ravenclaw.� His entire life might have taken a different
path if he had been less...hungry.. less..ambitious..�

There were times he truly disliked Draco these days.�

It seemed like only yesterday that he was a small child,
hiding behind the furniture and refusing to have his hair brushed.� He had cried when his father had scolded him
for breaking a sui dynasty vase.�

Severus was tempted to veer from his path and help the boy
into his dorm; feed him healing draughts and stroke his hair comfortingly as he
had his father only yesterday.�

But Draco would not appreciate that, he knew.�
He despised anyone seeing his weakness.�
��

Severus turned away, hardening himself in preparation for
the man who would likely kill him one of these days.. possibly even today.�

He had a bad feeling after yesterday.�

He had been complacent perhaps.. had
been doing this for too long.� Maybe he
had given himself away at some point and not realised it.�

The Dark Lord did have a habit of giving one more than
enough rope to hang themselves with, when he suspected someone of something.�

His Master had listened to Regulus
fabricate the most convincing lies, meeting after meeting.�

He had never learned that the man had stolen his horcrux but he knew that he
was betraying him and had used his lies to ferret out two more Death Eaters who
were teetering on the fence.��

The end, when it came for Regulus, was neither swift
nor merciful.��

The Dark Lord could be preternaturally patient, especially
when he already had you by the balls and had simply not yet begun to
twist.�

Having reached the informal apparition point he pressed his
wand to his dark mark up his sleeve and waited.�

It seemed to take a long time.� Perhaps
the Dark Lord was busy.��

After almost half an hour his mark finally burned and he apparated to his side.

Lord Voldemort� steepled his
fingers and waited for the man around whom so many of his thoughts had revolved
lately.�

He was tempted to bring things to a head, but repressed the
urge with a half sigh.�

The pop of apparition was almost immediate.� Severus must have been waiting at the
apparition point for a response.�

Presumptuous of him.�

He shot a cool even stare across the desk as the potions
master dropped to one knee.�

�Back so soon, Severus?� �

He gestured for him to rise.

The man looked up with hooded eyes as he stood.� His mind was as intangible as fog, nothing to
grip, he barely even bothered to try to penetrate it anymore.�

Severus had a particular gift for occlumency.� It was taxing to try to squeeze anything out
of him and one could never be certain it was the truth.�

�Yes my Lord.� There
have been developments.� The headmaster
has moved Potter to my quarters in light of his..nightmares..� I am to occlude for him.��

The Dark Lord smiled wanly.�
�I am pleased that you have informed me, my servant.� I shall not waste further effort and I will
be spared the boy�s insipid fantasies.��

The potions master smirked.

�In addition.. the headmaster
has granted me Miss Granger � the girl from Potter�s fantasy � as a lab
assistant.� She will take on some of the
more basic brews I deliver for the school.��

The Dark Lord raised his hairless brows in mild
surprise.� �Is that so..
That is perhaps convenient.. You shall have even more
time to devote to the tasks I intend to set you today.�

I have already spoken with young Draco about assisting you.� It seems you now have two assistants.��

Severus� face seemed to fall microscopically.

�Does this not please you, my servant? I had hoped to free
up your time for a more advanced project..�

The potions master�s expression was inscrutable.

�My Lord?� he enquired politely.

The Dark Lord hesitated..

...he suspected that Hermione was correct. �Severus wanted her.� He hoped the man was not foolish enough to
ask for her.

�Yes Severus.. I have a new
interest.. it is a muggle science.. �it is called �cloning�..have you heard of it?!�

He derived great satisfaction from the way the man�s jaw very nearly hit the
ground. �He had never seen Severus so discomposed.

�My Lord?� A muggle science??!��

Smirking he went on. �Yes.. as I gather, it involves extracting the information inside
cells which is like a plan for the person.. and
placing that information inside a female sex cell..

..after her own material has been removed from it,
obviously-��

�obviously..� Severus chimed in
weakly. �

The Dark Lord smiled wider.

�Oh come now, Severus.. when
have you known me to disregard potentially valuable information?�

I even possess a computer.. I searched out the practice on the muggle internet.� ...It is a useful creation.��

Severus looked pained. ��Indeed, my Lord?� I shall endeavour to inform myself.� Perhaps Miss Granger..��

The Dark Lord frowned.�

�Potter�s mudblood?!.�
You will be working on the task here,
most of the time.

Unless you are suggesting bringing the mudblood here?�

Perhaps... yes.. come to
think of it, that would be convenient!� I
could send Harry a pensieve of..�

Severus interrupted him. �My Lord, I merely meant to ask her
what she knew about it, but I see that it is not wise to alert anyone to the
project.�

The Dark Lord smiled nastily.

�Ah but she would not be informing anyone in the brief time
she were here..

We might create an entire collection
of blue material for the order to enjoy before we sent her back by owl ..over several days..��

The smirk the potions master shot was not quite convincing,
he decided.� It had a slightly harried
edge to it.� �

�But then I would lose an assistant. �Providing Potter with porn is of less value to
me than not having to brew blasted pepperup any
longer.��

He let the man off and switched back to his preferred
topic.�

�I will have a facility fitted for you here, Severus.

You are not unintelligent.� I anticipate
you will master the computer with little difficulty.� I would like you to begin research on the
practice as soon as possible.�

�I shall provide you with further apparatus and resources as
you determine you require them.�

Perhaps some muggle scientists to begin with.�

They have not achieved sufficient success in the practice to duplicate humans.. however I have no doubt that
with the addition of magic and with your incisive mind, you will advance where
they have failed.��

Severus nodded noncommittally but there was a faint spark of
interest in his eyes.

�What is the objective of the..clonine..my Lord?��

�Clone-ing Severus.� The replicated creature is a clone. The
original is cloned. I have no idea why and it matters little.��

�I wish you to replicate my body.� I am growing weary of this form.

The venom potion and the cold are tedious.. As devoted
as I may be to the emblem of our house..I wish to feel
myself once more.��

�I desire for you to create a copy of my body from blood...which
I will provide from old stock when you have proven the process works.�

I intend to transfer my essence to the new body you create for me � however that
part of the endeavour I shall take care of personally.� You need only concern yourself with ..physicalities..�

You will need to amend the aging potions in existence at present, or create a
new one, in order to allow for a permanent aging.. but that is all rather small detail in light of the rest of
the work you face.�

Severus nodded, his expression revealed nothing about his
thoughts on this endeavour.� The Dark
Lord decided to throw out the hook and see if he might bite.�

�In addition, Severus.. I thought you might like to
manufacture a copy of Lilly Potter.� Her
body was encased in stasis you know.�
Undoubtedly there is material you might utilize.�

I do not know whether it might be possible to restore her essence..

If not she would be, I imagine.. essentially
the same witch, merely lacking in memories.� �

The veiled expression on the sable haired man�s face was
somewhere between disgust and fascination. �Is that an order, my Lord?� he
asked tonelessly.

�No Severus.. it
was merely a suggestion.� Do as you
please regarding the witch.��

The man looked down.�

He could almost see the request for Hermione
approaching and spoke quickly.

�Severus..��

The potion masters black eyes slid up to his and for a
moment he could see, superimposed, the beautiful youth
he had plucked from a young Lucius� lips one day on a
whim.

�My Lord?� he asked neutrally.�

The Dark Lord sat back in his chair thoughtfully.�

�I was curious..��

He hesitated and the man�s eyebrow rose a nearly
imperceptible fraction. �He ignored it.

�...- what you might like to do when Potter is dead and you are no longer
required to teach at Hogwarts?��

The man before him seemed to freeze but he could see his adam�s apple bob slightly.�

The answer when it came was carefully neutral.�

�I will do whatever you require of me, my Lord.�

He nodded slightly. �That is as it should be.� But lately I find myself frequently musing on
your tireless service, Severus. �You have
sacrificed more than any other and quite without complaint.�

After the boy is gone, I have decided I will allow you to work on whatever you
please. �

Perhaps from time to time I may make a request.. but by and large, I believe I will show my appreciation by
setting you up in a lab and leaving you to your own devices.�

The potions master looked mildly confused and suspicious.. as if at any moment he were
about to fall into a trap.�

�Thank you, my Lord.�
You are very...generous.� he
responded uncertainly.��

The Dark Lord smiled wanly

�It is nothing.� Return to Hogwarts Severus.� I am certain your roommate will be rifling
through your drawers.��

The dark man clipped a bow and was gone.

Severus apparated back to his home in spinners end and stood
for a moment, before walking numbly to his tatty old leather armchair and
flopping down.�

Shortly thereafter he summoned the bottle of firewhisky
in the cabinet and a glass.�

After he had thrown back the second glass he started to be
able to think again.�

He felt a terrible sense of unbalance; the feeling of
stepping down, expecting another stair, and stumbling on the floor.�

Too many different things.�

This new project.� The Dark Lord used muggle technology?!� What else was he unaware of regarding the
man?!

And resurrecting lilly?!...

Potter in his bedroom..Miss Granger
in his lab..� oh god.. Miss Granger
and Potter and Draco in his quarters.�

Had the Dark Lord just offered him freedom?�

It probably truly meant that death was not far away but he couldn�t help but
imagine for a moment how it might be in the post-Harry-Potter world..

...To have his own lab and work quietly without disturbance...without
schoolchildren or demands or even financial worries..�

...and perhaps ..perhaps not
alone.�

The Dark Lord had not appeared to react to mention of Miss Granger..

Well.. at least he had not
appeared to react unexpectedly.� He had considered having her raped and killed
to upset Potter but that was ..normal.�

Perhaps if he was amenable to allowing him to resurrect one
muggleborn...he might consider allowing him to have the other instead.�

He swallowed..

It felt familiar..the line of reasoning.� He would just assist the Dark Lord to kill
the Potter boy and then he would have the girl he wanted at the end.�

It hadn�t worked out so well last time. �The Dark Lord tended to disregard collateral
damage and other peoples desires in the face of what he wanted.�

But..perhaps..

He shook his head at himself, wide eyed.� What in Hades was he thinking..

This was the Dark Lord.. he would never allow him to live
free, even if he succeeded..

and..and it was not about his freedom...his selfishness had
been what got Lilly killed.� If he had
accepted that he simply could not have her and had tried to protect her from
the Dark Lord, perhaps she would be alive today.�

How many people would he be killing to have a bit of quiet
and a shag with a sixteen year old girl?!�

It was so tempting suddenly to stop fighting.�

He could return to Hogwarts, slip two drops of Magellan�s Silent Sleep into the
boy�s pumpkin juice...or drop it into his mouth while he slept, ...or his nose,
...his eye - it wouldn�t matter

... and then it would be only thirty seconds or so and the boy who lived would
live no more.�

It had always been
within his power to erase the light�s last hope.�

He had struggled with the wretched boy for six years,
despising him and protecting him and knowing all the while that it would only
take the smallest slip of his hand over the boy�s cornflakes and the one who
has the power to defeat the Dark Lord would be food for worms.�

He dropped his head into his hands.�

But he couldn�t do that..� He couldn�t.�
He never could.� He had promised himself that he would protect Lilly�s
son.�

The Dark Lord was a mad tyrant who would enslave half the
world and slaughter the other half without a second thought.� He had to be stopped.�

Giving up and retiring to a private estate and spacious top-of-the-line potions
facility, where he would not be troubled by the news of mass slaughter,
torture, abuse, the collapse of society etc was cowardly.�

Better to be in Azkaban in a world where others were able to live and work and
go about their lives unharmed, than to relax in comfort and material and
intellectual bliss while the world burned.

He should return to Hogwarts and report to the headmaster
what had happened.

He did not want to.

What did that mean?!�

He was entertaining the idea of returning and intentionally deceiving the
headmaster about the meeting with the Dark Lord..

Omitting certain details.. significant
details.. almost everything in fact. �The muggle technology..
the project.. the Dark Lord�s
offer.�

He poured another firewhisky and
drank this one more slowly.�

He needed to talk with someone.. but there was no one..

He had been able to speak with Albus about his feelings regarding the Dark Lord.
But he could not speak with anyone
about his current position.

Not even Lucius was aware of his work for the light
over the last ten years.�

And anyone who was aware of it would
hardly be sympathetic to his temptation to return to true service of the Dark
Lord.��

His mind flicked to Miss Granger again.�

He had told her that one never truly gave up the dark arts.�

The conversation they had shared had not been helpful to him.� It was probably, on some level, contributing
to his temptation to reason away morality and take the road of maximum pleasure
and minimum pain.�

It kept ringing in his mind �All of this could be over..
All of this could be over..��

He roared in frustration and flung his half full glass into
the grate.� He imagined this was what a
recovered gambler felt like outside a casino.�

Good grief.. could
they be any more melodramatic?! �

Hermione seethed as Ginny and Ron both went ballistic all over Harry at the
news that he would be staying with professor Snape for a while until he could
shield his mind properly.

They seemed to be upset over different things.�

Ron was flipping out over �Snape the git, the bloody
bastard.� And �everyone�s going to talk� and things of that nature whereas
Ginny was squawking that professor Snape should watch over Harry in his dorm because
�it wasn�t right� and �how would anyone know if anything happened to him.��

He hadn�t told them about the contents of the dream,
although his eyes had shifted uneasily when Ron had rudely asked.�

�It�s not as if I want
to stay there� he yelled back at them.

�If I don�t, I�ll have Voldemort in my head
every night.. and I can�t
take it.. You don�t know what it�s like..�

Ginny rushed up and grabbed his teeshirt.� Hermione�s eyebrow rose slightly.

�I KNOW what it�s
like, Harry.� We can�t help you if you
don�t talk to us.��

Harry�s eyes slid to meet her own.� �Hermione..� he said
slightly lamely.�

She was sitting on the couch quite calmly waiting for
everyone to get over it and function once again.. not that they were particularly high functioning at the best
of times.

She responded reasonably �I�m sure professor Dumbledore wouldn�t send Harry
down there if professor Snape were a threat Ronald.��

�And Ginny � how do you think Seamus, or god forbid Neville, would feel if professor Snape
were sitting in his dorm room all night.�
He�d fall apart.� You know how Neville is about professor Snape.�

And it would be just as inappropriate to have one sixteen year old boy in his
professor�s quarters all night, as it would be to have a professor in the
sixteen year old boys� dorm room all night.�

More so since if professor Snape were that way inclined, he�d have far more to ogle.�

I dont think he is
that way inclined but I have no evidence to the contrary.� I�m sure he�ll behave himself either
way.� He doesn�t particularly like Harry.� I don�t think he fancies him.��

A small look flew across Harry�s face and he looked
away.�

She frowned slightly, curious.�

Had professor Snape said or done something to make Harry think he might want
him that way?!� She made a mental note of it and glanced at
her watch.� Almost ten pm.� She had transfiguration in the morning.� How much longer was this going to take?!��

Ginny was hugging Harry and looking like he was going off to
war, possibly never to be seen again.�

She�d see him at bloody breakfast.� It wasn�t
the end of the world.�

Hermione could imagine worse
things than spending the night in professor Snape�s chambers.��

She was a bit curious actually.� She�d only had sex once.� She wanted to do it again ...and although Tom
apparently could shag her in Harry�s dreams whenever he felt like it, she was
going to have to wait until whenever she was allowed to go back.�

Before she�d gotten stuck on the idea of Tom Riddle she�d dreamed of Professor Snape
quite a bit.�

He had that dark sexy dangerous thing that Tom had (except tom had even more of it obviously).�

She wondered what it would have been like to sleep with Professor Snape.. (Severus, her mind corrected unhelpfully)..

Of course when she�d been most fascinated by him she�d been
thirteen, going on fourteen years old.�

If he had slept with her then, that
would have made him a massive paedophile.��
Paedophiles weren�t sexy, even if
they were dangerous and dark.�

At any rate she�d only really dreamed about him kissing and holding her at that
time.�

Now.. now
it was different.��

When he�d wrapped his finger in her curl teasingly, before
she�d broken the mood by asking him for too much information, he�d been looking
at her in this intense hungry manner that had sent a shiver down her
spine.�

She�d become suddenly aware that she was alone with him in his rooms and it had
frightened her a little.�

Now when she brought that memory up in her mind she wondered vaguely what it
would be like to touch professor Snape..to kiss
him.�

She wondered what his body looked like beneath all those robes..

...Guiltily though.�

The memory of that pale perfectly defined sculpture she�d
seen yesterday floated up in her awareness.�

How could she want any more than that?� There
was nothing that could possibly
exceed that!

She was curious about professor Snape but it was in a kind
of addendum way.. an
addition.. not an exchange.� If she had to choose..
there was no choice.�
She�d already chosen and she�d choose it again.

�Hermione..�� Harry interrupted her thoughts.�

It was jarring to look at him after the line her mind had been following.� �Yes Harry?� she said automatically.

�Can I talk to you for a minute.. um.. in private?��

She felt like she�d swallowed a cannonball the way her
stomach sank.�

Ginny and Ron both looked disgruntled.�
Ginny was looking at Harry and Ron was looking at her.� She ignored him and suggested �How about I
walk you down to the dungeons.��

He looked at her gratefully and nodded. �That�ll do.��

There was another near tearful goodbye from Ginny - who had
the gall to throw her a suspicious
look.

What did she think.. Hermione was going to drag Harry
into an alcove and jump him?!�

Wryly she mused that it was something that Ginny herself would probably
do.� Goodness knows she�d been with half
the boys in their year.�

She turned away and headed for the portrait hole.�

Harry joined her out in the corridor after a minute.� He looked intensely relieved.

�Thanks Mione� he said quietly, when the portrait had closed. �At least I can
always count on you to keep things in perspective.� Ginny can be a bit..hard
to deal with.. sometimes.�

Hermione smiled emptily thinking �no kidding!��

She walked along with him, remaining alert as they moved
through the halls.�

�So..�
she began, intending to ask about Harry�s transfiguration assignment, hoping to
keep the conversation nice and light, knowing that it would never happen.�

Harry interrupted her.

�Mione I�m worried about you!� he blurted.�

She frowned slightly. �Thanks Harry � i
worry about you too.� But we�re all in
danger in this war��

Harry stopped in the middle of the corridor and shook his
head.

�No.. in my dream.. well.. you were there and he said he was going to hurt you in real
life.� You can�t go off by yourself� Hermione!� It isn�t safe!

Go with a group If you want to go off school grounds or ..or
even around school if its night or you�re in the dungeons or.. Merlin.. if you�re in the library even.. �

Well.. ok.. not a group but.. tell me at least.. I�ll stay with you.�

Hermione I couldn�t cope if he...if he hurt you.�

Losing Sirius was bad but if I lost you.. I think I�d go mad.�
Please Mione..��

Harry had moved closer to her and she backed up slightly,
unsettled.��

She nodded firmly.� �Ok Harry.� I�ll be much more careful now.� Don�t worry.�
He won�t get me.��

Harry moved closer again.�
He had a look of determination on his face.�

�If I don�t say this now.. I might lose my nerve
completely... and I�ve been wanting to say it for a long time now..so here goes��

Hermione�s eyes widened.�
Inside alarm bells were ringing and there was screaming and flames. Oh
God someone stop him!! �What the hell
have I done to make Harry think I�m interested in him that way?!�

Harry had come closer still and she backed up
surreptitiously again.�

Then she felt the wall behind her back.�

Harry stood far too close in front of her, looking at her
with shining eyes.�

�I ..I ...think you�re amazing, Hermione.� Half the time I�m stunned at how clever and
thoughtful and..and beautiful you are.�� He
blushed slightly.�

Hermione wanted to sink into the floor.� She was no good at confrontations.� How was she supposed to say to Harry �hey
look � I think you�re a nice guy but I�d rather date your mortal-enemy (or immortal as the case may be).�

She might have had a crush on Harry when she was in her Gilderoy
Lockhart phase and liked dashing obvious
hero types.. ...and she might have resented it a bit
when Ron dated Lavender and neither of the boys seemed to even notice that she
was female... But the time for thinking of Harry that way was forever gone.�

In order for her to be with Tom.. Harry was inevitably
going to have to die at some point.� Why
make it worse than it would be?!�

Oh god.. what
had he just said?!�� Caring and
really-like and.. the alarm-bell
words fried her brain.�

And then Harry stepped against her and put his hand on her
cheek and kissed her gently.�

She squeaked in shock and felt Harry�s other hand on her
waist, sliding around to her back, pulling her closer.�

She was frozen.. stunned.��

She didn�t come back to her senses until she felt Harry�s hot tongue flick at
her top lip, trying to deepen the kiss. �Objectively
seen he wasn�t a bad kisser..

She felt her hands press against his chest and push him away
slightly.�

He moved back immediately, looking down. �...Sorry.� he mumbled.� He looked hurt and afraid and she felt terrible.�

She swallowed. �Harry.. you just told me you�d lose your mind if anything happened
to me.. If we get involved like this then neither
of us are going to be able to think straight and if something does happen, we won�t be able to react
in the way we should.��

Harry looked up with a spark of hope in his eyes.� �I�ll win Mione.. I�ll
kill him.� And then...�� He took a deep breath� �-And then I�ll find a way to convince
you to fall madly in love with me..��

She smiled wryly at him.�
Yes.� That was good.� Later.� After.� Maybe � possibly � if etc.� Not now.�
Let it go now, Harry.

�It can�t be as difficult as killing an immortal dark
wizard� he joked.�

She grinned back at him and brushed his hair out of his eyes.�

�It�s going to be ok, Harry.� Don�t
worry.� Professor Snape will watch over
you when you sleep.� And I�ll be really
careful.� I won�t go to Hogsmeade alone
again,� Ok?��

Harry looked relieved and sad and hopeful all at once.� He stepped closer and then stepped away
again.�

�You�re right Hermione.. I know you
are.� It�s just hard..
I.. �� he shook
his head silently and looked at her longingly.�

�I guess I�ll say goodnight then.� I�d
rather you walked back from the second floor than from the dungeons.�

...See you at breakfast..��

She smiled approvingly.�
�Goodnight Harry.� I hope you have
a better night�s sleep than you did last night.�
See you at breakfast.��

She hesitated and then turned�
and headed back down the corridor.� After a few seconds she heard Harry start off
again too.�

As soon as she had turned the corner she sped up till she
was nearly jogging back to the portrait.�

Oh god oh god.. Harry had bloody gone and kissed her!!� She was certain
that the level of panic she�d just experienced would have informed Tom through
the necklace that she was in some kind of danger.

She sailed past Ron in the common room, raising a hand to
cut him off as he opened his mouth, and flew up the stairs to her room.� �

Within seconds she was changed and warded securely into her
bed, taking out the diary.�

She opened it expecting angry recriminations ...but there was an empty
page.�

Uneasily she wrote

Tom?

There was no reply for several minutes and then the words bled up through the
paper in red.

I�m going to kill him.

She responded uncertainly

You�ve always been going to kill him.�

A valid point.�

I want to do more than merely kill him.�
Killing him is too merciful. �

I want to dig up his father�s corpse, make him an inferus
and have him eat Harry Potter alive beginning with the
genitalia.�

Well that�s... certainly...more than death.

I�m sorry. I should
have expected it maybe but I was just so..shocked..when he did it.

I am considering having you abducted.

Twice I have felt you accosted and it has been only one day. �

You don�t even have to bother anyone to abduct me.� Say the word and I�ll be waiting.�

All of this..rubbish.. is
interfering with my reading time.�

Tomorrow I have classes.� Do you know what
we are doing in transfiguration?!� Objects into animals. �I�ve been able to do that for two years
now.�

I�ll spend the whole lesson helping Neville and Ron I expect.

Why do you help other students in class?

If I don�t then they�ll just hold everyone else up and I�ll be even more
bored.�

Besides..I�m sure you helped students in class too. �It goes along with the perfect prefect �butter-wouldn�t-melt-in-my-mouth�
bookworm image.

...If i keep this up, next year I�ll be head girl and
then I�ll really get to suck
up and waste my time on others.

Would you be disappointed if you did not have the chance to become head girl?

Let me think.. hmm... minor
prestige of a little shiny badge and my own room..vs..learning
forbidden magic from the greatest wizard in the world and experimenting with
different sexual practices..

Gosh..
that�s a really difficult choice.� I�m going to have to think about it and get
back to you.

I believe your sark is
growing on me.�

I took your advice regarding Draco.�
He will be assisting Severus also now.�
�

I have Severus working on a rather ambitious project to clone my body.� My original body, that is.

I..believe.. he is quite excited about it.� It is frequently difficult to tell with Severus.

Clone as in.. genetics?� Or is the word used in the wizarding world in
some other way I have never heard about?!

Yes.� Genetics.�

I had originally thought he might clone Harry�s mother and be content with that
but I gathered from his expression that cloning one�s dead loved ones may be
somewhat distasteful to less pragmatic individuals than myself.

Its a bit HP Lovecraft-ish.� Besides � they wouldn�t be the same person
anyway.� I tend to believe that we are
all a product of our experiences.��

How did you learn
about cloning.

I looked it up on the internet

Are you joking?

...I am not wearing my �joking� expression.

You have a joking expression?!

I find the internet to be..convenient.. in some ways. We must not allow our own prejudices to
prevent us from potential advantage, my dear.��

Severus nearly fell over when I told him. It was most entertaining.

do you have anything new to tell
me?

...still thinking about Lord Voldemort surfing the internet...

nothing has really happened in the last hours.� Ron is still an idiot.� Ginny thinks I�m stealing Harry.�

Harry seemed a bit scared that Professor Snape would molest him or something.�

The Senatus book is a bit cynical, isn�t it?!

Why would Harry think that?

Senatus is a realist.� Perhaps you do not want to accept certain
uncomfortable truths about the world and your interactions with others.

Maybe.� But it
seems like there must be more to it than just power and security.� What about... altruism.� People sometimes help others for no advantage
to themselves.

It allows them to feel good about themselves.�
A form of security.� Particularly if they are muggle and believe
in this or that god that rewards �good deeds�

What makes you think Harry might fear interference by professor Snape?

I�m sure there must be more to it than just feeling good about yourself...

it was just a look.� He had a funny expression on his face for a
moment when I was explaining to Ginny that Harry didn�t need to worry about
inappropriate behaviour because professor Snape probably doesn�t swing that
way, doesn�t particularly like him and almost certainly isn�t interested in him
that way.�

Most intelligent wizards (and witches) are bisexual, Hermione.� It does not carry the stigma that it does in
the muggle world

...although homosexuality is frowned upon, obviously.

Professor Snape goes both ways?!!

As do I.� Although not
preferentially.� I have seldom felt drawn
to my own gender.

! ! ! ! ! !

Apparently I have once again broadened your view of the world.

Get some rest, my dear.�

And he was gone.� The words
vanished.�

She was mildly irritated that he never bothered to wait for her to acknowledge
his farewells.� That was the polite thing
to do in correspondence or interaction.�

It was probably because most of the people he interacted with left when he
dismissed them.�

And in a sense, that was what he had done each time when speaking to her.�

But.. that
was correct, wasn�t it?� She could hardly
get in a snit because the Dark Lord wasn�t being polite enough with her.� The idea was patently ridiculous.�

Attempting not to be disappointed that he hadn�t spoken to
her like he had the previous night � instructed her to strip or do anything of that nature � she put the diary back in
its hiding place and turned over to sleep.�

Severus stalked up to his chamber door with an irritating
feeling of foreboding.�

The boy would be in his chambers.� The door would open for his hand, the
headmaster had ensured it.�

He had been given no choice.�� All his
intricate wards and defences were for little, since the boy could open the door
with a touch.�

He would have to impress upon him how displeased he would be if he were to find
that others had been admitted into his rooms.�

The meeting with Albus had been tense.� He had sat in his leather chair at Spinner�s
End and finally brought himself to the point where he decided to tell the
headmaster everything that had eventuated.

And then he had found himself before the man and his
decision went out the window.�

He found himself fabricating details of plans to abduct Miss Granger and
instructions to work on aging and de-aging potions.�

He had mentioned nothing of the Dark
Lord�s offer to free him following the boy�s death.�

He worked himself into a near sweat trying to occlude a
small section of his mind while leaving the rest open for Albus perusal.�

He was never allowed to occlude before Albus.��

It occurred to him as he raised his hand to lower the wards on his door that in
many ways, Albus was a harsher master than the Dark Lord.�

Certainly he knew he would not be cruciated or cursed when
he went to the headmaster but at least the Dark Lord did not employ guilt or
parade Lilly�s spectre before him like an accusation.�

Albus knew exactly which buttons to press to break down his
walls.�

He had been broken when he had begged him on his knees to
help him;� to
save her... and the old man had done nothing
to save her.�

When he had gone to him, enraged and beside himself with grief at Lilly�s death
- Albus had told him it was his fault
that she died � his fault for not coming to him sooner.. for
putting her into danger by telling his master of the prophesy.�

All of it his
fault.�

The entire wizarding world in danger � his fault.��

He had wanted to die.. but the headmaster prevented him from killing himself.

He let himself in to his quarters, noting the yellowish
light spilling onto the floor from the corridor, at the end of which lay his
bedroom.� He really had no patience for
the drama he was no doubt about to face.��

Hanging his cloak up he hesitated just a few moments in the entryway drawing
himself together to deal with the boy.��

When he entered his bedroom, Harry was sitting in the chair
by the fire with a book open that he was clearly not reading.�

He jumped slightly when Severus walked in and his eyes darted up momentarily
and then back down at his book.�

�Well, Potter?� It�s
late.� I have classes in the
morning.� Read on your own time.��

He walked to the ensuite bathroom
and stepped inside to change, swallowing his own discomfort.�

He had two options.�

Either the boy could sleep in his bed while he
sat somewhere close by and watched him, perhaps read, while he consciously
occluded him.��

Or they could both sleep but he would
need to have constant contact with the boy�s skin for his own now-automatic
occlusion to cover the boy�s mind.�

He was tired, but he somehow doubted the boy would be
amenable to the second option.��

When he emerged from the bathroom in a long grey nightshirt
and his dressing gown, the boy had not moved.�

�Do you intend to sleep in your clothes, Potter?�

The boy seemed to flinch and his eyes widened.

�Why are you
getting ready for bed, Snape?� Aren�t you
supposed to be staying up and watching over me?��

He scowled. �Well
there went his own rest. �He�d have to face second year Slythendors first thing in the morning on no sleep.

...Bugger that!

He fixed the boy with a brook-no-argument expression and
informed him.

�No.� I can occlude you while I sleep. ��

He removed the robe and got into bed.� It
was a large mahogany carved four poster which lacked curtains.� He made himself comfortable.�

Harry�s voice was uncertain. �Where am I supposed to sleep
then?��

He leaned up and glared at the boy.�

�You can sleep in the bed, or on the floor beside
the bed, Potter.� It is your choice.� I must cast a sticking spell on our hands to
be able to occlude you in sleep and I
assure you - �I have had a rather trying day and intend to get some rest.�

The boys face contorted. �I�m not going to touch you!!� You�ve got to be joking if you think I�m going to bloody hold your hand while I
sleep!!��

He looked repulsed and Severus felt both gratified and
indignant somehow.�

�Potter.. I am not in the least interested in arguing
with you about this.� You will come here
now and we will go to sleep or I will petrify you, levitate you over here and
we will still go to sleep, but you
will be less comfortable when you wake in the morning.��

This seemed to cause a reaction.

�Snape.. if you bloody..�

He interrupted him. �You flatter yourself, Potter.� I am not interested in your underdeveloped
little body, merely in my own rest.� Now
stop wasting my time and get over here.��

His words propelled the boy reluctantly out of the
chair.� He slipped his shoes off but did
not undress further.�

That didn�t bother Severus in the slightest � he would be only too happy to
wrap the boy in a full body dragon wrangling suit if he could.�

He held out his right hand tiredly as Harry hesitantly climbed onto the bed and
lay down on his back haltingly, looking at Severus with a suspicious look on
his face � as if he would be set upon at any second.�

For a millisecond Severus found himself tempted to terrify
the boy, but the urge passed.�

He gestured with his open hand again and the boy tentatively
placed his own in it.�

His hand was cooler than Severus� own, and smaller.� There were a few callouses
from quiddich.�

He placed his wand to their hands and muttered the sticking
spell, reaching behind his head and slipping his wand beneath his pillow.�

�Goodnight� he mumbled, yawning, and let himself relax somewhat, closing his
eyes and slowing his breathing.�

The boy calmed gradually as it appeared that he would not be raped any time soon and soon his
own breathing changed rhythm.�

Only when Severus was certain that the boy was truly asleep
did he allow himself to drop off.�

He woke up at some point in the night abruptly.� Something was touching him.�

At first he thought, disoriented, that he was in bed with Lucius.. the
familiar weight of a head on his shoulder, a hand on his chest.. but there was hair
tickling his chin and Lucius� hair was unnaturally
well behaved even in repose.

The memory of the boy...of bloody Potter..flooded back to him.�

The irritating little whelp was cuddling up to him in his
sleep.. ...or at least he hoped it was in his sleep.�

He listened hard and the boy was breathing evenly and
deeply.

He moved mindlessly, mumbling something and seemed to wriggle closer, his jean
clad leg brushing against Severus own naked one, their joined hands were at his
side beneath the boy.�

Merlin�s bloody balls.. How could
he get the boy off him without waking him and having another performance of
�you�re trying to get your lecherous old hands on me�?�

Good grief! �Was the boy drooling on him?! �This was intolerable!�

He gritted his teeth and turned his head away.�

He would put up a barrier of some kind the next time, he decided.� There was no way he was going to have Potter
laying all over him every night.�

For the moment however, it would probably be easier to go
back to sleep than to have a colossal drama and then be forced to sit awake
watching the boy for the rest of the night if he refused to remain in bed.�

He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the way the boys thumb was hooked into the
neck of his nightshirt.� �Swallowing, he cleared his mind as best he
could.�

After what probably only felt like an interminable length of time
he dropped off again with the weight on his chest and shoulder.

Harry woke up very slowly.�

He had the strangest feeling.� It was something he hadn�t felt in..he wasn�t sure if he�d ever felt it�

It felt..safe.�

he felt.. safe.. warm.�

He was curled around a warm mass and..

it was a person, his mind supplied..

he was wrapped around a warm body and had a feeling of
peace.� Like something..
some noise that he hadn�t been aware of, but that had
been gritting against his mind for the longest time..was
silent.

�Mione..� he mumbled.. but something felt wrong about that.� The shape was far too large to be Hermione.� He could fold her into his arms.� She was smaller than he was.�

The body beneath him flinched at the sound of his voice,
apparently jolting awake and a moment later he was flung away roughly.�

Only the hand holding his prevented him from sailing off the side of the bed.

�What?! Fuck?!� What�s going on?!� he blurted disorientatedly.

�MR POTTER!!�

The voice was horribly familiar.� Harry�s
eyes flew open to see the thunderous glare of his professor in a grey
nightshirt.�

His top button was undone.

�I�ll thank you to keep your revolting little hands to
yourself!� Had I known that I was in danger of molestation at your hands, I truly would have petrified
you.��

Harry gaped and sputtered.�
What the fuck was he talking about?!�

His mind pieced together the sensations and reconstituted the fact that he had
been lying pressed up against.. curled
around in fact.. his professor.�

Snape.�

The great git.�

The bloody bat of the dungeons.�

He had been snuggling up to him as if he were the world�s largest and most
acidic teddy bear.�

He felt the urge to laugh suddenly, feeling surreal
unreality slosh over him.� It was funny
in a way.� A really,
intensely, disturbing way.�

Oh god.. nobody could ever
know about this!!!�

�Sorry� he mumbled, reddening and looking away. �I�m not
used to..�

The man was already busy with his wand, undoing the sticking
charm. ��Spare me, Potter�� he snarled and tore
his hand away as the charm was loosening.�
It hurt and Harry pulled his hand into his chest automatically, guarding
it.�

Snape was already in the bathroom, the door slamming behind him.�

�Great..� he thought to himself,
getting out of bed.��

He felt crumpled and sticky from sleeping in his clothes,
but in light of how he�d woken, it was probably a good thing. �

He looked toward the bathroom uncertainly and decided to forgo a shower this
morning in favour of a scourgify.� It wasn�t really refreshing but it would
do.� He�d shower after classes.�

Anything to get very far away before Snape came back out of the bathroom.�

He was dressed and out the door in five minutes and burying
himself in a bowl of cereal with chocolate milk in the great hall.�

Hermione was sitting sipping tea and reading from a thick book on Roman
history.� It looked extremely dull.�

He wanted to speak with her but she seemed somehow quite
closed off this morning. �Suddenly she
looked up from her book and shot him a curious playful look.�

�So.. did professor Snape ravish you?�
she quipped softly.�

He looked down and stirred his puffs.� �No. You were right. �There was nothing to worry about� he
responded, trying to make it sound light.�

He was suddenly reminded of how he had felt when he was waking.� That..feeling of
safety..

it must have been Snape�s occlumency.� It was gone now and he felt tense.�

Whatever it was that Voldemort did to dig into his mind
during sleep.. he�d never
realised it but he must do it on some level all the time.� It felt like..a
constant irritating buzz in his head.�
Like.. being in a
steady breeze that you got so used to that you only noticed its absence.�

This morning he had noticed its absence.�

He didn�t want to admit it but it had felt really nice.

Even if it was Snape.. (that git!).. it felt..tranquil. ..and before he�d
realised who he was holding it had felt..warm..pleasant.�

He kind of hoped he�d force him to sleep the same way tonight, only for that..sense of peace he had gotten for a while, and the faint
hope was making him feel sick.�

He did not want to be near Snape.. he bloody well didn�t want to touch him!!

He stirred his soggy rice puffs.�

�Is everything ok, Harry?� Hermione asked softly, her eyes
examining him.

He forced himself to shake off his thoughts and smile at
her.

�Sure, Mione. Just worried about that poor excuse for
a transfiguration assignment that McGonagall is going to chew me out over.��

Hermione smiled back and apologised for not helping him work yesterday.�

At that point Ron joined them.� He was silent, piling food on his plate but
his eyes questioned Harry silently.�

He tried to nod reassuringly.�

There were more people in the great hall now and Ron obviously didn�t want
anyone to get the wrong impression.� Harry
was grateful.�

Then Ginny slid onto the bench beside him.�

She sat too close, as always. He didn�t know how to really
tell her that he wasn�t interested.�

She was always touching him and hanging on him and following him about.�

For a while he had been flattered and considered fancying
her, but over time he had realised that she was nothing he was looking for.�

...She was a bit of a slut.. although he wouldn�t use that word out loud, obviously.� She wasn�t stupid but she wasn�t..brilliant either.�
And although she was pretty enough, he supposed..
she had this look
about her.. it was as if he could almost see Mrs Weasley
superimposed inside her. The way she�d fuss and the bossy dictatorial tone she
took sometimes.�

He liked Mrs Weasley as a mum kind of figure.. but he didn�t want to date someone like that.�

He loved the Weasley family.. There was no place like the burrow..but
he didn�t want to have a family just like theirs..

He wanted...he wanted a family more like his mum and dad had been..

maybe a family more like Hermione�s too.� He�d met her parents at the train station a
few times and they seemed to love her to bits.�
They looked at her with such pride..

It reminded him of the way his mum had looked at him in the mirror of erised.�

He wouldn�t have a big messy family.� Just him and Hermione and
maybe a couple of kids.�

As many as she wanted.. but
he suspected she didn�t want to start a quiddich team either.�

�Are you ok, Harry?!�
He didn�t do anything, did
he?!� Ginny flustered at him urgently.�

He shook his head and gave her a similar response to
the one he�d given Mione.� �I had nothing
to worry about��

He didn�t want them all concerned about him.�

The rest of breakfast went by quickly and they got up soon
enough to head off to class.

Author note.

Review replies can be found at
http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/18725-review-replies/
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Necessary Sacrifices