Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Darkshines	By : anewname Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4601 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or these characters. I do not make any money off of this writing.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
A/N:

So sorry this one took forever!

Madamdragon: Remus hasn't quite figured things out. Severus was merely warning against blind trust. But . . . read on . . .. :)

“I need someone

A person to talk to

Someone to care, to love

Could it be you??”

Kiss Off – Violent Femmes

i

Try as he might, Remus could not wrap his head around the idea of Harry as an adulterer. He was a deeply loyal friend and companion, and in Remus's memory, he'd very much doted on Ginny as long as they'd been together. Before Severus Remus had even found himself feeling jealousy over Harry's and Ginny's relationship and sometimes avoided contact with them. Since Ginny changed jobs, Remus often worried about Harry feeling like a 'third wheel', but the subject (of course) never came up.

If Harry felt that way he never mentioned it. Every evening he spent with Remus and Severus was pleasant and grew better each time. No, Harry definitely enjoyed himself, and that hadn't changed with Ginny's decision to separate. Conversely, it appeared to get better. He couldn't make heads or tails of it but he refused to over analyze or dissect it. Tonks's death had left him professing his love to someone he was certain hated him and would hex him at the very idea of such a thing. She may not have died, but Ginny was still a significant loss. The mother of his children, partner for over a decade and sharer of a painful, devastating past. Remus wasn't one to expect that to come apart by something as avoidable as infidelity. Had Harry so soon forgotten what they'd been through?

He gave it long thought while he sat sipping tea in the living room, waiting for Severus to return from Knockturn Alley with potions ingredients. Severus repeatedly turned down the Ministry's requests for him to come brew for them, citing a moral opposition to the brewing of the sort of potions they would request of him. In truth, his opposition was to brewing for the Ministry itself. “Those people are incompetent and oppressive. My talent will not be wasted weaponizing potions let alone arming people who possess considerably less sense than goats. I refuse.” So he never did take up employment at the Ministry.

He did brew for friends and whatever the needs were around the house. He often sold potions to a select few individuals. Those were mostly friends of Remus's who were in need of Wolfsbane. Most of them couldn't afford it, so Severus brewed and supplied it to them free-of-charge, subsidizing it by inflating the price of the potions he was brewing for black market sale. “One ought to expect to pay a premium for breaking the law, however inane the law might be. The fact that I sell anything at all to them is a considerable risk to myself and I will not take that lightly. Your friends, on the other hand, are not a threat to me.”

Ever the practical one, Severus. And ever unwilling to admit he was doing something out of the goodness of his heart.

“Wolfsbane,” he thought. He had yet taken his first dose of the month. After folding the corner of his book, he closed it and headed to Severus's lab, where the potion was stored. He swallowed it quickly, disgusted as ever by the taste, and retrieved a glass of water to chase it. He looked around the lab, thinking how odd it seemed in there without Severus. Remus never found himself alone in the lab. He opened the door to the cupboard above the Wolfsbane, reading Severus's neat script on the labels of the potions, which were alphabetically arranged. Calming Draught, Grand Amortenia, Invigorating Draught, Strengthening Potion, Venomous Tentacula. The Teantacula might've been the most dangerous potion on the shelf but it certainly wasn't worth having brewed illegally. Remus had to wonder what sort of modifications Severus made to these that made them so valuable. He shuddered to think.

On yet another, lower shelf, he found more. Angel's Trumpet, Baneberry, Death-Cap Draught, Moonseed, Noxious Potion, Polyjuice Potion, S-03, S-157, S-566, Veritaserum. He knew Veritaserum, Polyjuice. He knew Noxious Potion, and if he recalled correctly, it had one fatal use. He wondered about the unnamed potions. What might those do?

He closed the cupboard and looked around the room, reading labels on ingredients and flipping through potions books. Bored after awhile, Remus went to Severus's workstation, where he noticed a tri-folded, blank piece of parchment. He picked it up. The material was considerably lighter and more expensive than the parchment Severus preferred. Expensive parchment. Tri-folded. Blank.

'Don't do that,' his mind warned him. Harry might stray but when would Severus get the opportunity? Unless . . ..

'Trust Severus,' he reassured himself, eyes closed tightly as he pulled his wand from his pocket. 'He wouldn't. So I shouldn't. But if he hasn't, he hasn't anything to hide.' Cheeks flushed, he opened his eyes and picked up the parchment.

“Reveal your secrets.”

Slowly, ink spilled out onto the parchment and another, more ornate handwriting was revealed. Remus didn't understand the salutation and hated it instantly. He correctly suspected he wouldn't like much of what would follow.

Snakelet,

Tentacula, Veritaserum, S-03, Moonseed, and Angel's Trumpet are the requested potions. I would honestly rather you skipped the Angel's Trumpet altogether. That particular potion was Draco's request and I believe Angel's Trumpet is traceable. Perhaps a bottle labeled Angel's Trumpet containing S-03? Such a miracle that potion is. It would be a lie to say that little brew doesn't turn me on beyond all reason.

Talking of turning me on, when you come by the manor tomorrow, I will have your ingredients ready for you. No need to go to Knockturn Alley. We can make an afternoon of it. I know you are tempted . . . I have always tempted you. And you me.

I do ache for you. For as often as Narcissa is gone, I should have you to myself all of the time but alas, you have your flea-ridden dog. (I can only imagine the degree to which I have just infuriated you. And the jealousy I must have provoked! Yes, I see the jealousy over Cissy in your eyes every time I mention her name. I look forward to whatever punishment I may suffer at your hand.)

When you arrive, I will provide further details on the plan should you desire them. I suspect you will not, which is ideal, as this will leave considerably more time for me to ravage you.

Yours,

LM

Remus pursed his lips as he lat the letter back down on the dsk. Severus was brewing potions for Lucius and who knew what else? There was no admission of anything more in the letter, merely propositions providing evidence of nothing more than that Severus was up to no bloody good. But the way Severus once was with Malfoy . . .. Over the years they'd run into the man a few times and Severus could hardly look at him, likely for fear of falling in love with him again. As much as it pained Remus to know Severus could still love that monster, it'd brought him great comfort that he made the effort not to look. Now he was working with the man and meeting him at his home.

Remus abandoned the lab in favor of the living toom and a bottle of firewhiskey spiked with cannabis oil the Severus kept around during the autumn and winter months when he might have trouble smoking for one reason or another. Why didn't make a bloody bit of difference, really; his objective was to numb himself, a goal Remus hadn't undertaken for quite a number of years, having been so happy for so long. With so much in his life to please him – Severus, his job, the family he'd lucked in to – he seldom felt any pain that sent him running to a bottle.

First Harry, then Severus. Ginny remained faithful and that effort brought her nothing but heartbreak. Remus drained a glass, wondering who might shag him, disappointed to have come up with not a single candidate. “Pathetic,” he mumbled as he threw the glass in the fire and took a swig from the bottle. Already, his pulse was slowing down, his misery was being replaced with apathy and a dreamy comfort overtook him. He may as well have been stoned.

“Remus,” came a voice from the hall. Remus looked up as the entryway and called Harry into the living room with a bit of apprehension. Surely the only thing they'd have to talk about was infidelity and Remus couldn't imagine talking about that all night long.

He forced a smile as Harry appeared at the door. Contrary to what he expected (and much to his pleasure) Remus was genuinely happy when he laid eyes on Harry. “Harry,” he said lazily, patting the sofa beside him. “Come. Sit with me.”

Harry approached with some reservation. Remus was drunk. Very drunk. This, he'd never seen and never imagined he would. “I see I've got some catching up to do,”he remarked.

“Ah, but I'm not even two drinks in,” Remus replied, swirling the alcohol around in the bottle. “One of Severus's concoctions. Go on. Give it a go.”

Harry took the bottle from him. Remus smiled widely as Harry turned the bottle upside down and drank liberally. It went down like water. “Bloody hell,” Harry growled, wiping a whiskey trail from his chin. His legs melted from beneath him and he slumped down onto the couch. “Severus knows how to bottle a good time.”

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. “That's because he's always looking for one. And he often doesn't care at whose expense.”

Harry kept a lazy eye on Remus as he relaxed back onto the plush cushions. So Remus was upset at Severus. This didn't mean he'd figured out what was going on between them. “Talking of Severus,” Harry replied, “where is he off to?”

“If the letter I just read is a reliable clue, then he's off shagging Lucius Malfoy.”

Lost and annoyed, Harry's eyes narrowed at Remus. “How do you know that's what he's gone to do?”

“They've been seeing one another. That's all Severus needs to convince himself to hop into bed with Lucius.”

Harry stared at Remus whose eyes were fixed on the fire. It had been several days since he'd last seen Severus, a fairly lengthy period of time for them, so much that Harry spent the morning at work wondering if the newness had worn off for Severus. It seemed the concern was well-founded. Having been cast aside so easily was shameful for Harry. He'd poured himself into Severus like a starry-eyed schoolgirl. What a fool!

“Are things between you and this new bloke serious?” Remus asked earnestly.

“I should have known she'd have told you about that,” Harry sighed. It wouldn't have been enough for Ginny to leave it at telling Remus they'd separated. Pile on the new discovery and the truth about Harry's 'new bloke' and responding the the question promised to be misery. What a time to be miserable. “I was under the impression it was serious. A few thing shave come to light recently that have made me question that.”

Remus licked his lips. “Something in the water, then.”

Harry picked the bottle up from the table and took another drink. If he was going to bemoan Severus's betrayal in company, he'd bloody well be high for it.

“Do you know what it's like to discover the person you love most – the person who you thought would love you until your final breath – loved someone else entirely? Can you imagine it? And that someone else is a crazy person.” Remus sighed. It would've been amazing for Harry to have some justification to offer for Severus's actions or some piece of advice about how to cope, but he knew better than to count on it. Harry was great at being there, but when it came to love, he had a tendency to shrink away.

“The real frustration is that there's no guarantee the love won't last until your final breath. There's no guarantee he doesn't love you as much as he did the day you fell for one another. In fact, he probably loves you more.” Harry frowned at the realization.

The last thing Remus expected was a straightforward answer that made sense, however incredibly painful it might be. “Harry . . ..” They stared at one another for a few seconds. “That was bittersweet. And unexpected.”

Harry chuckled. “My feet aren't touching the ground right now. I have a feeling there won't be many things happening that meet expectations before I sober up.”

Remus laughed. Harry was providing a great distraction. It seemed that, like Severus, Harry would open up if sufficiently relaxed. “I want to know something about this man you're with.”

Harry shrugged. “Anything in particular?”

“Why do you love him?” Remus asked, figuring cutting to the chase was as good as chitchat.

Harry didn't consider the question for very long before he had an answer. “Because his darkness is profound. And it's painful because that's what feels so good.”

Remus raised an intrigued eyebrow. “Darkness?” he asked. “You've become an Auror only to fall for a dark wizard?”

Remus smiled, but Harry couldn't. Not until he knew what Severus was brewing for Malfoy. For all he knew, he had fallen for a dark wizard. “He has a reputation,” Harry admitted. “Supposedly reformed.”

Remus snorted. “Supposedly. They're never really reformed, are they?”

Harry shook his head sadly. “But there must be something better to talk about.” He caught Remus's eye and smiled softly. “Do you want to get out of here? Go to Grimmauld? I can't imagine you want to deal with Severus coming home.”

Remus didn't have to consider Harry's offer for very long. “I was actually worrying over what to say or do when I saw him next. Somehow I didn't notice I was until you mentioned it.”

Harry pushed himself up off the sofa and reached out his hand to help up Remus. “Ginny kicked me out so quickly.” Remus took Harry's hand and stood. “It was a good thing. I can't imagine the sort of things we might've said to one another if we'd tried to work anything out that night.”

Remus smiled. “Severus isn't going to want to speak a word.”

Remus followed Harry to the door and down the hallway to the Floo. “He also isn't going to leave and neither will he allow you to.” Harry was right. Sitting uncomfortably with Severus until morning was nothing he wanted to be part of.

ii

Harry and Remus spent the rest of the afternoon and better part of the evening sipping whiskey and smoking in the living room of Grimmauld. Harry disconnected from the Floo Network assuming Severus would take it to mean someone who shouldn't know about them was there. He didn't expect Severus to Floo in, though. It wasn't as though he was visiting very much and, after so many days of silence, he sincerely doubted Seerus would show up to ask about Remus.

It was eleven at night when Harry lit the evening's third joint. Remus made some half-arsed protestations as soon as Harry nudged him to take it. Almost instantly, Remus gave in. “You're a bad influence, Harry,” he said before taking a hit.

“I know how Severus smokes, so you won't convince me I'm the one who's the bad influence.”

“Fair enough,” Remus squeezed out, breath held. “However,” he continued as he exhaled, “I've decided I'm not going in to work tomorrow and since you're off, there's adequate time for you to negatively influence me.”

Harry smiled, wondering at the context of Remus's statement. He wondered at a lot where Remus's suggestive nature was concerned and he always had. It'd been embarrrassing to even think to ask, but he wanted to know what made Remus the person he was. Who was responsible for laying the groundwork for such a romantic and passionate being? “Who was your first? Sexually, I mean.”

“First I fooled around with or first I went to bed with?” Remus asked.

“Well, both, I guess,” Harry attempted to clarify.

“I fooled around fourth and fifth year with a boy in Slytherin named Amenophis Cresswell. We were in the same year and had a few classes together. One day he just started talking to me in DADA. We'd been sitting together most of the year but had barely acknowledged each other. A few nods here. Smiles there. Out of nowhere, he strikes up a conversation about an assignment. The conversation was in the middle of class, however, so we were instantly separated and banned from sitting near one another for the rest of the year. Strict professor,” Remus noted unnecessarily. Harry nodded. He'd certainly had one of those. “After dinner that evening, I followed him from the Great Hall to the Astronomy Tower. I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing. It was freezing outside and he'd gone straight out, no coat, no muffler.

“At the top, I found him sitting on the ledge, his face in his hands. I whispered his name and he wiped his eyes quietly as he turned around. I approached him slowly as he sat patiently. The closer I got, the better I could study his eyes and the better I could study his eyes, the further I fell into them. Amber . . . specks of blue . . . glistening. Like ice on fire. I wrapped my arms around him and slid him off the ledge. Then I leaned in and kissed him. It was like the world disappeared. This shivering, inexplicably broken boy was the only other being in the universe for all I knew, and I'd never felt safer or freer than in that moment. It was perfect.

“But it couldn't last, of course. I would go on to make the mistake of writing to him the summer before sixth year. The letter was intercepted by his father who, after some research, discovered enough about me to have more than homosexuality to hold against his son. He was thrown out. Disowned. And I never saw him again.”

“Wow,” Harry whispered. The boy's name was unfamiliar to him. There were no Cresswells at Hogwarts when he was there, to the best of his recollection. He never heard the boys mention any Cresswells. He made a mental note to ask Lily at Christmas. It wasn't really his business, but he was curious to know what happened to the boy; he suspected Remus was curious, as well. “And your other one?”

Remus laughed, shaking his head. “Regulus Black.”

Harry's eyes widened. Regulus Black? “Are you serious?”

Sighing, Remus continued. “It hit us like a ton of bricks, Harry, you wouldn't believe. In all the years I'd known Sirius, I'd basically never interacted with Regulus. They only ever fought if they even spoke. I broke up a fight between them one afternoon at the lake. Sent Sirius back up to the castle while I stayed back to talk to Regulus. He was crying as soon as Sirius turned his back and I couldn't just leave him there. So I sat down with him and tried to figure out what was wrong. He told me he wasn't sure about anything anymore. That he missed his brother, his friends were deserting him. He was losing his place and he couldn't figure out why. For the longest time he spoke. I learned things about Sirius that should have frightened me but, instead, I grew even more fond of him. But he broke Regulus's heart. And I was there.” Remus smiled. “Lucky me.”

It made perfect sense to Harry that Remus would fall in love with a Black, especially while he was broken. “You seem to have a thing for Slytherins in disrepair,” Harry joked.

Remus laughed. “I believe my thing may just be for Slytherins in general.”

“Doesn't explain Tonks.”

“Nothing explains Tonks,” Remus replied, smiling.

Harry grinned. “She was unique in every way, wasn't she?”

Remus nodded as his mind settled on Teddy for a moment. As he always did, he snatched it right back to reality, unwilling to wallow in the misery that was the regret he felt over the loss of that boy. How had he been so helpless? “Yeah. But she wasn't Regulus. No one was Regulus and I felt for him long after he was gone. I think about him still, actually. I wonder what might've been between us had he survived. I think about the nights we spent hiding in one corridor or another. And the heaps of trouble we were in the night Sirius caught me out of bed and opened the Marauder's Map.” Remus frowned. “We'd been stupid and careless and he'd seen us talking earlier in the day. Well . . . we were talking and he touched me. Sirius was coming over to start trouble when I took Regulus's hand in mine. He broke out into a full sprint and hurled himself at Regulus. There was a brief scuffle that I was able to break up and I sent Sirius away again. So when he caught me out of bed again, he got curious and went to the map.

“He broke Regulus's nose and a rib before I was even able to process what was going on. I tried to pull Sirius off of Regulus, but Sirius was fixed on his task, so much so that he forgot himself and ended up hitting me in the eye. As soon as he realized it, he stopped beating on Regulus and turned his attention to me, but I didn't care what he had to say. I went over to Regulus, sat on the floor beside him and tried to calm him. Sirius kept apologizing. I warned him that if he didn't get back to the tower I would tell Dumbledore Sirius was responsible. He got out of there quickly, but not before telling me we would be having a talk about it later and warning Regulus to keep away from me.

“I took Regulus to the Madam Pomfrey. I denied having seen the attacker, claiming I found him like that. Regulus said he wasn't sure who did it; someone just jumped on him while he was walking the halls. He took a detention over being out after curfew and we took our affair to the Shrieking Shack as we should have done in the first place.

“Sirius didn't talk to me for days after that, but when he did, he had a lot of horrible things to say. He tried to convince me that Regulus would kill me, that he would do away with a werewolf in a heartbeat. I'd already told Regulus, though. After all, when you think you'll be with someone forever, you tell them that sort of thing. And, furious with Sirius, I didn't neglect to take the opportunity to let him know that Regulus knew and loved me still. That was when it really hit the fan with Sirius, when I told him his brother and I were in love. For a few moments, he paced the room furiously, throwing his hands up in the air as he ranted that he didn't know who I was anymore and that he couldn't believe how stupid I was being about Regulus.

“'He's lying to you,' Sirius insisted. But I couldn't get him to tell me what Regulus stood to gain from lying. It drove Sirius mad to realize he wasn't thinking at all clearly, that he was being just as crazy as any other Black. For days he was beside himself with anger and frustration. Several times he intentionally bumped Regulus in the halls and began turning a once indifferent James against him.”

“What happened to end things between you?” Harry asked, wondering how long things could continue with Sirius behaving as he was.

“He died. Don't ask me how we managed to keep it together for that long. It wasn't anything like easy. But it was worth the hassle.”

“You know,” Harry ventured carefully, “I was almost in Slytherin.”

Remus grinned. “You're trying to entice me to misbehave,” he accused an amused Harry who chuckled.

His desires were leaning in precisely the direction Remus was thinking but Harry was determined not to complicate anything any more than he already had. “Nah. The last thing I need is more to explain to the kids.”

Remus had found himself wondering about the children now and then. Ginny was beside herself with disappointment over the situation Harry put her in. But he seemed to be willing to talk to them himself. She'd been certain he'd hang her out to dry. “Lily will be devastated.”

“Lily will adjust,” Harry assured him. “James will be furious. Albus. He will be devastated. He may never come out of his room again.”

Remus stared at Harry for a few moments, thinking of Albus, wondering how Harry could risk hurting someone he knew to be so fragile. Not that she deserved to be betrayed, but Ginny could withstand a blow so brutal. How could Harry not think of his children? “I guess it isn't easy to think about them when it comes to falling in love with someone new.”

Harry frowned, disappointed that Remus saw it that way. “In truth, I though about them a lot. I just didn't have my mind about me until after I'd taken him to bed, and by that time, the damage was done. If you know you're in love – really know it – and have been for as long as I have, it's like you aren't sure you can make the ones you love happy unless you're happy yourself. Tend to your own garden, that sort of thing.”

Remus nodded. That made sense. “And how long have you known you were in love with this mystery man?”

“Longer than you'd believe. Or want to hear about. It was long enough that my heart was breaking just to see him and know it wasn't returned. Long enough that I thought of staying away from him altogether. But that wasn't an option.”

Remus sighed. “I wish Severus hadn't done this. Whatever it is he's doing. This disgusting infatuation he has with Malfoy . . .. Harry. This may be too late to ask of you, but you're going to keep this between us. Right?”

Harry nodded. “Of course. I'll give Severus a chance to explain himself to you before I pursue anything.”

“Thank you. One never knows what his motivations might be. I'm holding out hope he's not gotten himself tied up in anything horrible. I've put aside even considering the possibility he isn't shagging that vile man.”

Harry re-lit the joint and handed it over to Remus. He put his hand on Remus's back and scratched it gently. “I think he's more in love with you than anyone,” Harry lied, exhaling. Being part of the reason for his misery, the least Harry could do was attempt to make Remus feel better.

Remus handed the joint back to Harry. “You're wrong. He'll prove it to you in time.”

They sat quietly for more than five minutes, staring at the fire and passing the joint back and forth. Each was lost in a world of thoughts that neither could imagine sharing with another. Harry had chased his to a memory of Severus well-worth sharing to break the tension.

“Severus didn't know what an MP3 Player was.”

Remus laughed. “Not possible. Really?” he said, disbelieving.

“Well, he guessed at what it was. But he certainly wasn't sure.”

“Leave it to Severus to miss twenty years of technological progress.”

Harry shrugged. “It's hilarious. But I guess he doesn't have much use for it.”

“Severus prefers the sound of the gramophone. I can't seem to sell him on anything else.” Remus smiled. “I miss laying with him all day and listening to it. Or to the rain. We used to take walks at three a.m..” Remus stopped and looked down at the joint in Harry's hand. He took it from him and smoked, eyes closed, mind occupied by thoughts of Severus's hand in his, his arms around his waist, falling asleep with him against a large tombstone in a sleepy cemetery. There was nowhere more serene at night, Severus believed, and he was correct (as usual). “Harry?”

Harry turned to Remus with eyebrows raised. “Remus?”

Remus smiled sadly. “Severus hasn't made love to me in two months. Well, I mean . . . we always shag after the full moon, but that's all it is – a shag. There's no love in what we do anymore. And it never happens otherwise.” Guilt was beginning to build within Harry. He feared he'd confess if he heard any more. “I don't know if I should quit my job and be with him or if I should cut my losses.”

Harry took the joint back, frowning. “I don't know what to tell you.”

Remus chuckled. “I didn't really think you would. I've been with him too long to just end it. Haven't I?” Harry continued to sit quietly. “Oh, it makes no difference. In the end I'll stick with him anyway. No one else wants an aging werewolf. It's a bloody miracle I've lived this long.”

“Severus's bloody miracle,” Harry reminded Remus. “It is, after all, his wolfsbane that keeps you from ripping your own flesh open monthly. He cares about you enough to do that.”

“He's set a precedent when it comes to brewing that . . ..”

“He cares enough to do it for your friends, too. So we know he isn't heartless.” Remus wasn't sure why Harry was coming to Severus's aid. “He loves you. And so do I. And so do many people who may or may not shag you, but . . ..” Harry grinned. “Age hasn't made you less shaggable. Professor.”

Remus shook his head, grinning, blushing. “Ha ha. Very amusing. A nice stroke of the ego, as well.”

“I'd stroke more than your ego if you'd let me.” The expression on Remus's face changed from one of amusement to one of surprise. Harry wasn't even sure what he was trying to accomplish. Well . . .. He was sure, but he didn't know why.

Remus chuckled nervously. “You must be in my head, digging deeply for some magic words.”

Harry slid closer to Remus and placed the roach on the ashtray. “Any chance I found them?” Harry asked.

Remus swallowed hard. He was expecting they'd flirt for awhile, perhaps. Harry would throw a few more compliments his way and Remus would head home and refuse to speak to Severus, maybe have a fight and tell him to go back to Lucius. Instead, things were taking an unpredicted turn. A dangerous turn, if truth had anything to do with it. “Harry, I can't . . . try to prove I was wronged by wronging someone,” Remus explained. “It's hypocritical.”

Licking then pursing his lips, Harry clasped his hands together in his lap, resigning his immediate plan to run his hand up the back of Remus's shirt. The conversation was becoming frustrating, but not for Remus's denial. Rather, Harry couldn't understand why Remus thought the objective was to get back at anyone. “I wasn't proposing we advertise anything,” he replied, disappointed. He shook his head. “I understand what you're saying,” he said, standing. “I'll leave you be. My house is yours, you know that. Stay if you'd like.”

“Not if you're leaving me alone,” Remus answered.

“Then go.” Harry's eyes met Remus's; his heart stopped when he realized what he'd said. “I could have phrased that better,” he mumbled.

Remus had no trouble hearing him. “Yes. You certainly could have.” He picked up the roach and lit the lit it, burning his fingertips. He tossed it back in the tray and relaxed back onto the couch.

“Remus . . .. I'm not offering you some revenge shag or pity shag or whatever you've got in your mind I'm after.” He crossed the room and pulled out a pipe, hit it, then returned to stand in front of Remus. Exhaling, he continued. “O.K., now,” he began. “The four of us are going through very complicated things at a very difficult time. And we've all – all of us – have suffered considerably worse. Worse than anything we could do to each other. Ginny's out of the picture. Severus is shagging a psychopath . . ..”

“I don't agree that either of those things are reasons to hop into bed together . . ..”

“No, they aren't,” Harry interjected. “They're facts. My reasons for wanting to hop into bed with you far outnumber the facts of the matter.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Start numbering them, then.”

Harry sighed. “Alright, number one: you were the first person who brought me close to my parents. Number two: you taught me some of the most valuable magic I've ever learned. Three: you worry that I'll be lonely. Four: you smile every time you greet me and no one else does that. Not Ginny. Not my children. Not my Dark wizard.” Harry licked his lips and picked up a bottle of wine from the table. His mouth was too dry to keep talking. After a generous swig, he put it down and sat beside Remus. “Five: there's poetry in the way you love, Remus, and I don't think Severus has realized that. And he obviously doesn't respect it.”

“Poetry?” Remus repeated. “What do you know about the way I love?” Remus found himself almost whispering.

“Not nearly enough.”

Remus's breath caught in his throat. That answer was made instinctively, in earnest. That hadn't been prepared, wasn't part of any set numbered to prove how much substance was behind their desire to misbehave, to do what was 'wrong'. Harry was open – wide open – and he had nothing to lose. Remus slid his hand over so the tips of their fingers were touching. “I want so much to touch you.”

Harry threaded his fingers between Remus's. “Then touch me.”

Remus turned slightly to face Harry and slipped his free hand under the bottom of Harry's t-shirt. His hand laid flat against a trail of hair that Remus traced up to Harry's nipples. As his eyes opened, Remus noticed Harry swallow and lick his lips, breathing more deeply. Harry's eyes had closed, too, and now his lips were parted and (as far as Remus could tell) just wouldn't stay wet. “Do you think this sort of touching is inappropriate between friends?”

“I'm not sure it matters what's appropriate. We can forgive ourselves and each other later,” he assured Remus who pinched the nipple lightly.

“I love a man with sensitive nipples,” Remus said lightly. “I like to watch the hair stand up on your arms when I'm touching you.”

Harry hadn't noticed but Remus was right; he was covered. Harry pushed his own hand under the bottom of Remus's shirt and sweater. The flesh was soft, the hairs coarse and masculine. Many of the scars that peppered Remus's stomach could be detected by touch. Harry was looking forward to seeing those scars. He'd trace them with his fingers, his tongue, and eventually, his cock. But, for now, the scars were a reminder of an unwavering, potentially uncontrollable passion within Remus. And that reminder did little more than convince Harry he needed to rouse that passion a bit. Harry pulled his hand away from Remus and lifted the shirt and sweater over Remus's head. He removed his t-shirt and moved closer to Remus, their legs touching. He put his hand on Remus's thigh and squeezed.

Remus was too high to stop himself reaching down and massaging his cock through the front of his trousers. He moved his other hand over Harry's bulge, squeezing and massaging. They moaned and writhed together for several minutes before Remus moved his hand up to Harry's waist and unbuckled his jeans. Harry's cock popped out of his boxers immediately and Remus wasted no time lapping at the tip.

Harry yelped in surprise as Remus suddenly wrapped his tongue around the head and twisted it around the shaft. He moaned Remus's name and grabbed a handful of his hair. “Suck it,” he found himself moaning. Remus added his own moaning and Harry's breath hitched at the vibration. “More,” Harry demanded.

Remus sucked Harry for as long as Harry would let him and was thrilled when Harry pulled his head up and sucked Remus's tongue into his mouth, fumbling with the button on Remus's trousers. It didn't take him long to undo. He immediately went from mouth to dick.

“Mmm,” Harry couldn't help but moan as he tasted the musky salt of Remus's enormous cock. He wrapped his fist around the base and pumped while he teased the tip with his tongue and sucked. Remus liked it hard with teeth gently scraping. He liked his balls sucked and his sac nipped, Harry learned once he pulled Remus's trousers off entirely. “Turn over,” Harry ordered and Remus did just that, positioning himself on all fours beside Harry, his ass in Harry's face. Harry sucked and nipped on Remus's balls before licking his perineum and dipping his tongue inside Remus's asshole and fucking it deeply.

“Oh, Merlin, Harry!” Remus shouted. Harry was now tonguing his asshole, licking the rim and, at last, sliding in a finger. “Mmmm,” Remus continued, wordless, as his mind processed the fact that fingers and (especially) tongues were not things friends stuck in other friend's assholes.

“I want you to fuck me,” Harry whispered as he pulled off his jeans. “I want you to fuck me dry.”

Remus turned around to find Harry leaning over the arm of the couch. He was over there in a second, positioning himself behind Harry, pulling apart his ass cheeks and inserting the middle finger on either hand to make space to drive his cock straight in. Harry yelled out in pain and wrapped his hand tight around his cock, wanking in time with Remus's thrusts. One after another they came, each one faster and deeper than the last. Remus touched depths within Harry no one else had been able to before. It was Harry's first big cock, and it was amazing.

Remus grasped tightly to Harry's shoulders as he snatched him toward him with each thrust. He plowed deep inside and stopped, hips circling and stretching Harry's hole. The more he stretched it, the wilder Harry went, so much so that Remus wished he had something else to shove inside. He made a mental note.

“Merlin, Remus, I'm going to shoot.”

Remus pulled out and turned him over. “Wank for me,” Remus commanded, standing over Harry, determined to catch his load. Harry came quickly, most of the load making it into Remus's mouth. Remus leaned down and pushed Harry's legs up in the air, bringing his asshole up enough that Remus could slip his tongue and Harry's cum, inside. Harry whined and whimpered as Remus stood back up and rested Harry's legs on his shoulders. “It's a good thing you like your hole brutalized,” Remus said, grinning.

“Bloody hell,” Harry sighed as Remus thrust inside of him again. This time, he fucked without mercy, as though he were aiming to harm. The proposition was making Harry's cock stiffen again. If this ruined their lives, it'd have been all worth it for Harry just to have heard Remus's balls slapping against his ass. “Fuck me, Remus,” he begged. Over and over, “Fuck me.”

Remus sped up to an inhuman speed that made Harry's cock stand straight up to attention. He went to grab it, but Remus smacked his hand away and grabbed Harry's ankles tightly. With a slight adjustment, Harry was screaming out his name and begging like never before. “I'm going to cum again,” Harry warned as he reached for his cock.

“No!” Remus shouted as he pushed Harry's hands away again.

Harry's whimpering began again as he was desperate to touch himself, eager to bring himself off again. But gradually, he was getting closer, his asshole burning as Remus barreled into him relentlessly. “I'm close,” Harry warned again and Remus nodded his head. Remus wrapped his left arm around Harry's legs and thrust the four fingers on his right hand inside of Harry. “Remus!” Harry gasped as his cum spurted all over his chest.

Remus milked himself thoroughly into Harry, using his hand to catch their cum as it seeped from Harry's ass. He grinned and put the palm of that hand flat on Harry's chest, rubbing it over him.

Harry smiled back and chuckled. “It's possible this is the best decision I ever made,” he said as he looked up at Remus.

Remus grinned back, shaking his head. He pulled Harry up off the couch and pulled him close to him, their naked bodies flush against one another, covered in sweat and cum. They kissed like they'd never tasted lips before and, after another shag and a shower, they drifted quietly off to sleep.
- 5
- 6
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Darkshines