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Reflections of Desire	By : tbird1965 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 20754 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 5
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Reflections of Desire.
- 2-Two
- 3-Chapter 3
- 4-Four
- 5-Five
- 6-Six
- 7-seven
- 8-eight
- 9-Nine
- 10-Ten
- 11-eleven
- 12-twelve
- 13-Thirteen
- 14-Fourteen
- 15-Fifteen
- 16-Sixteen
- 17-seventeen
- 18-Eighteen
- 19-Nineteen
- 5
- 6
- 7
Severus stood, clutching the edge of the sink as tears streamed down his face. "Get a hold of yourself, man." He told his reflection, but try as he might, he could not stop the flood of emotions that had gripped him when Sabrina, his daughter, had wrapped her arms around his neck and asked him not to go. Since arriving in Minerva's office and learning of the girl's existence he had experienced a myriad of emotions; shock, disbelief, shame, wonder, fear. But nothing in his previous 49 years had prepared him for the pure raw emotion he had felt when the girl had hugged him. Was this love? Real love? This fierce, protective overpowering thing he was feeling? Never before had he even entertained the notion of having a child, being a father. He had no idea how to be a father. His own father had been a mean, spiteful, cruel drunk. But now that he had seen her, met her, hugged her, he knew that he would do anything for that little girl, or die trying. Now he just had to convince Hermione that he had to be a part of his daughter's life. True, she'd been more then reasonable so far, but his Slytherin self was naturally suspicious, distrustful. Would she want him to be a part of the girl's life and by extension, her's? She'd given him a pity fuck, once. She'd clearly never meant to tie her life to his forever. Turning on the faucet, he splashed his face with cold water and took some deep steadying breaths, readying himself for what lay ahead.

He returned to the living room to find Hermione curled up on one corner of the couch, two glasses of red wine on the coffee table.

"I thought you might need something a little stronger then hot chocolate. I'm sorry, all I have to offer you is wine."

"No this is fine." He said, his voice still a bit hoarse with emotion.

"It's a lot to take in, I know. I just want you to know," she reached out and picked up her glass, taking a quick sip. "It was never my intention to keep her from you. It's just when I knew for sure I was pregnant, you had...Dumbledore...and you were gone and I didn't know what to do, how to contact you and I wouldn't have contacted you anyway because I thought you were...I believed you were..."

"A murderer." He finished for her.

"Yes." She whispered, choking back a soft sob. "And then we found out the truth. But it was too late. You were dead. And it was so sad. Because she would never get to know you, know what a great and brave man her father was...is...oh this is so confusing." She swiped her hand across her face, wiping away the tears that had fallen. "I still don't understand. How are you here?"

"Like I said, Dumbledore." He shrugged his shoulders and took a quick sip of wine. "All I know is I was dead. And then I wasn't. When I came to I was lying in the Shrieking Shack in a pool of my own blood with Fawkes perched on my legs, dripping tears on my neck and in my mouth."

"But Fawkes had left when Dumbledore died, didn't he?"

"I thought he had." Snape shrugged his shoulders again. "But apparently the crazy old git had managed to attach some kind of spell linking me and that looney bird. At least that's the only thing I can figure out."

"So he healed you."

"For the most part, his tears neutralized the poison and closed the wound. But I was still weak, I'd lost almost all of my blood."

"What did you do? How did you get out of the shack?"

"Well I'd passed out again, from blood loss and when I came to I was in a bed in some cottage. Winky the house elf was there."

"Winky, Barty Crouch's house elf?"

"The very same. She told me she'd been sent by Dumbledore to save me. She had blood replenishing and pain potions. She took care of me until I was stronger. Then one day she vanished and returned with Minerva in tow. She was naturally shocked to see that I was still alive. By that time she had seen the memories I'd left with Mr. Potter and it seems Dumbledore had left his own memories with Winky to give to Minerva, so she knew. Everything." He hung his head and fell silent, taking a long drink from his wine. "She wanted me to come back with her. Turn myself into the Ministry. She was sure there would be no charges brought against me. But that just wasn't a chance I was willing to take. I simply could not stomach the idea of Azkaban, not after everything I'd been through. And I remembered something you had said to me," He glanced up at her quickly and then back down at his empty glass, "during our time together."

"What?"

"You said I should just run away, disappear. Go to America or New Zealand." He sighed heavily. "And at the time it sounded like the most wonderful idea. But I couldn't do it then, I had too many obligations, made too many promises, so much depended on me." He glanced up again and frowned sadly. "But now that I was dead. I was free. No promises, no obligations, no responsibilities. There was nothing to hold me here, or so I thought. So I decided to disappear. Vanish into thin air and start my life all over again. Only Minerva and Winky knew that I was still alive. We agreed that she would contact me only under the most dire of circumstances. I traveled for a bit until I found this quaint little New England town that suited me. No Witches, no Wizards, no magical beings of any kind. And that's where I've been until this morning, when I got Minerva's owl, ordering me to return."

"It must have been quite a shock for you."

"It was." He sighed. "It still is. I can't believe we were both so stupid, about the wand and the contraception thing, I mean."

"Yeah." She laughed wryly. "Imagine my surprise."

"Where were you when you found out? At Hogwarts?"

"At my parents house. I'd missed a couple menstrual cycles, but I didn't think anything of it really, what with the stress and everything. But then I started feeling ill, I couldn't keep anything down. I went to the Chemist and got a muggle pregnancy test and surprise, I'm up the duff."

"You must have been frightened."

"I was. And confused. Of course I immediately went to Florish and Blotts to research contraception spells, to see where we'd messed up. Who knew? You have to use your own wand." She shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of wine. "I did think about it, ending the pregnancy. But," she paused, looking thoughtful, "I just couldn't. It just didn't seem right. The time we spent together, you and I, it was just so...and you were...Oh I don't know what I'm trying to say." She waved her hand dismissively and took a quick gulp of wine. "Just forget I said anything."

Snape took a drink too, mostly to hide the smile that had turned up the corners of his lips, but also to keep himself from saying something sappy and stupid. Even after 10 years, he still remembered every moment of their time spent together. But now was not the time for reminiscing, there were more important matters they needed to discuss. "So even knowing you were pregnant, you still took off hunting Horcroxes with the Dunderduo?" He shook his head. "You could have been hurt, killed or even worse, captured by Death Eaters.

"I know. Probably not my best decision. But it had already been planned and they needed me. You aren't the only one who keeps their promises. Harry and Ron didn't know I was pregnant when we left."

"How did you manage that?"

"Well we left from Bill and Fleur's wedding, when the Death Eater's attacked, and I was only 4 months at the time. I was barely showing, just a little bulge in my tummy. It was easy to keep it hidden. Plus they're blokes, they don't really pay attention. I just wore baggy jumpers all the time to hide my stomach."

"So when did they finally figure it out? When she was born?"

"No." She laughed. "I was just so sick. I had terrible morning sickness that wouldn't go away. So finally after the millionth time I'd dashed from the tent, Harry took a really good look at me and asked if I was pregnant. We all got into a horrible row and that's when Ron left. I think he was already harboring some stronger feelings for me at that point.

Snape grunted non noncommittally. "So when did you finally become wise and decided to start taking care of yourself and our child?"

Hermione's eyes widened a little at his use of the word "our". She wondered if he's even realized he'd said it. "After Godrick's Hallow and almost being eaten by Nagini. I was getting huge by then and it was becoming hard for me to just even get around, let alone dodge great poisonous evil snakes. I felt dreadful leaving Harry on his own, but we both decided it would be best if I left. I went to The Burrow first, but it was too risky there. Too easy for me to be discovered by Death Eaters. So I finished out my pregnancy at Shell Cottage with Bill and Fleur."

"And you had her at a Muggle Hospital?"

"I didn't know who I could trust in the Magical world. I just couldn't risk a Death Eater finding out and the information getting back to...him."

"That was smart." Snape whispered, his face pale. "I can't even imagine what the Dark Lord would have done if he'd learned you'd had a baby. Fathered by me. And I don't want to." He shuddered slightly. "But you were there, at the finally battle."

"Yes. I just couldn't stay away. Sabrina was 3 months old by then, and Ron had come to Shell Cottage with his tail between his legs, wanting to find Harry again, so I left her with Fleur and Bill and we found Harry in the Forest of Dean and the rest as they say, is history." She fell silent, staring down into her empty wine glass. "So what now Severus?"

"Now?" He repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Now. What are your plans for the future? Will you be returning to America?"
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Reflections of Desire