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Sex, Drugs and Death Eater Rock	By : Icarus Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2855 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
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Draco was a fun-fun-funny bloke. Ron didn't know what it was about him, but he couldn't stop laughing. They burst into fresh giggles as Ron pointed out that there was far too big a lump in the front of Draco's dress.

"It's not a dress - it's lingerie," Draco corrected.

"Lin-ger-rrrrrie..." Ron said, in a very phoney French accent. Which completely broke Draco up, so Ron said it again.

Draco turned the slit around so it was right in front... and there he was, hanging out of his dress, with this big silly grin.

And Draco pointed out Ron was wearing lingerie, too.

Ron burst out laughing - 'cause he forgot!

He told Draco that he'd forgotten, and Draco nearly rolled off the bed, giggling like a girl. And then, and then, Draco said that maybe if he really forgot, he might wear it to work tomorrow. Ron thought that was a scream!

"Could you imagine the look - ahhahahaha - the look on Percy's face?" Ron could hardly breathe, his face was beet-red.

"Percy wears all the wrong colours..." Draco observed, pointlessly.

"And Lucius!" They burst into fresh giggles.

"Act like everything’s normal," Draco urged him. " 'Good morning, sir. Do you have my reports for the day?' "

"Like nothing was different! The whole day!"

"That would be great! What do you do at that job, anyway?" Draco asked. Ron took another hit.

"As little as possible," Ron grunted. And they both snickered. "What do you do all day?"

"Wanking, mostly."

"Yeah," Ron said, "that's what I thought you did." And they laughed some more.

Draco took back the pipe, and coughed. "You ever wank in the office?" Draco's voice was tight as he breathed in.

"Yeah. What are doors for? It's great being the boss..."

"Brings up a whole new image to the word 'assistant.'" Draco snickered. "What do you think about?"

"You, mostly."

"Only mostly?" Draco spluttered.

"Hand me that pipe."

"Sure. If you tell me you love me."

"I-love-you, you prissy little bastard; now give me the fucking pipe." Ron breathed in another hit, coughed and leaned back on the pillows. "I feel like honey, poured from a jar..." Ron sighed, and stretched his arms over his head, rolling over.

"Stop it. You're making me hungry."

"Yeah... I'm hungry, too. I don't suppose you scored any chocolate?" Ron asked.

"I've scored everything -" Draco leered at Ron, who snorted "- except chocolate. What's with you? You've been talking about chocolate all night."

"I want chocolate." Ron shrugged.

"Well, I haven't got any."

"That's a shame. I brought strawberries," Ron complained.

"None left. I checked."

"Shit. Any of that Ethiopian?"

"You mean din-din?" Draco asked in a child-like singsong voice.

"Din-din." Ron smiled at him. Draco was rather cute when he was high.

"Fuck no."

"Shit."

They both stared up at the ceiling, which was waaaaay far away. The pillows were awfully comfy, or would be, if they weren't hungry.

"Damn you, Weasley. Now you've got me thinking about chocolate."

"Percy's got chocolate," Ron thought aloud.

"Fuck Percy."

"He's got chocolate."

"Fuck Percy... but the chocolate sounds good. Is there anything to eat around here?" Draco said.

"Flour. Butter. Eggs..." Ron said.

"What? All those bags, and that's it?"

"Have to cook."

"What good is that?"

"Percy has chocolate," Ron intoned, turning to Draco on the bed. It was becoming a mantra.

Draco finally got the point. "Yeah. He does. It's not far, right?"

"Yeah."

They scrambled up, gathered their skirts. They took the pipe with them (of course).

"You know what, Ron? I love Percy," Draco decided.

"Because he has chocolate?" Ron asked.

"Yeah."

They both giggled as they went out the door.

They had to be very, very quiet to avoid the guards, because they were in prison, under house arrest, and this was breaking curfew. And that was a very bad thing, a bad thing indeed. All of it seemed pretty funny.

"If we get caught," Draco pointed out to Ron, as they peered around a corner. They scampered up the stairs.

"We'll get caught in dresses!" Ron said, puffing behind Draco.

"Just act like it's natural. Like at work tomorrow," Draco said.

Ron spluttered with laughter, and Draco hushed him, as he tried not to laugh either. Neither of them was successful, and they huddled behind a pillar, giggling madly. Ron slid to the floor.

"Oh shit, oh shit, you're so bloody funny," Ron giggled. His skirt rucked up around his waist, exposing a very naked arse, and quite a bit more.

"C'mon. Get off the floor. Chocolate, Ron. Percy's chocolate," Draco chanted. He managed to pull Ron up and propel him forward.

Ron , ", "I love Percy. Even without the chocolate."

"I know."

"But he's better with chocolate," Ron giggled, and teetered into the corridor wall.

They both burst out laughing.

"Sh-sh-sh-shhhhh!" Draco sputtered. "Guard's coming! Hide!"

They both looked around, panicked. But there was nothing to hide behind, just an empty hallway.

Empty?

"Oh, ah," Draco was embarrassed. "Sorry. That was just my shadow."

"You scared the piss out of me!" Ron hissed.

"You with the piss again," Draco giggled.

"It was yellow."

"Piss is always yellow. Oh. 'Cept when I did that curse on that Third Year. He was very upset. Mudbloods are a riot," Draco sniggered.

They were surprised to find they were already at Percy's door. Whoa! That was fast. Then Ron patted his pockets and realised he hadn't brought his keys. He usually had them in his pocket, but this dress didn't have any pockets. In fact, it didn't have much of anything. Damn the thing was short... it was probably meant for someone shorter than him. His cock dangled out of it like a bell clapper. Oh, right. Ron laughed at his own thought. Of course it was too short. It was meant for a girl.

"That's all right. I have the keys," Draco said. He jangled them loudly in Ron's face.

"Really?" Ron asked. "How did you get the keys?"

"Because I'm smarter than you. I picked them up on the way out." Draco inserted the keys in the lock and rattled them.

"You are not smarter than me!"

"Yes, I am. Professor Snape said so. And he's really smart, so he would know."

"You were fucking him, weren't you?"

"No. But he wanted me, I could tell. I didn't want my first time to be wasted on that greasy old fuck."

"So it was wasted on Crabbe and Goyle instead."

Draco stared at Ron, thunderstruck. His face fell in dumbfounded, open-mouthed shock.

"Weasley, you cunt!" Draco's voice was a squeak. "Who the fuck -! You -! Get inside!"

They scurried into Percy's Ministry flat. It was larger than theirs, with nicer furniture. There were photos on the wall, and some knick-knacks Percy had already collected. Draco slammed the door.

Ron wailed. "I'm sorry, it just came out -"

"Do you think I chose that?!" Draco's cheeks had two pink spots, and his eyes were wild, dark.

"I know, I know," Ron said. Draco looked like he wanted to hit Ron; he turned away and stared about helplessly with glazed eyes. Ron pulled him close, and Draco shut his eyes, his jaw clenched. "C'mere. Stop. Shhhh... stop crying. Draco."

Draco shoved him away. "I'm not fucking crying! Don't touch me!"

"I know," Ron said and he folded Draco against his chest anyway. "Don't. I know. It came out wrong. I'm here. Dammit, I'm such an idiot."

"You are," Draco mumbled into Ron's shoulder.

"Damn them," Ron breathed. "This is all the Death Eaters' fault."

"And Lucius."

"And Lucius. We'll kill them. It's all set up. It's all right. Shhhh," Ron said. He sat on one of the stools by the counter. He pulled Draco close, and then up onto his lap.

"There's chocolate here."

"Don't want chocolate."

"Yes. You do. C'mon. Open wide..." Ron rubbed Draco's back like his Mum used to do for him when he was sick or unhappy.

Ron said, "I know why you stay home. And it's okay."

"Yeah," Draco said.

"Take as long as you need, Draco. As long as you need."

"Yeah."

They were quiet a moment as they nibbled the chocolates. Draco leaned into Ron and sighed heavily.

At long last he said, "Do we have to leave Percy any chocolate?"

"We can leave him one," Ron said. Draco smiled a little.

"Yeah. Let's do that. Find the one with the coconut. I hate those." Draco snickered weakly into Ron's shoulder. Ron giggled.

"I'll poke out all the bottoms for you," Ron offered. "Percy hates that."

"I hate Percy," Draco said, sincerely.

"I know you do."

"Hey! Look, there's a whole other layer of chocolates underneath!" Draco was as delighted as a child.

"Goldmine..." Ron said with his mouth full, two chocolates in one hand; he helped Draco dig into the new treasures. Ron clumsily kissed the side of Draco's head, leaving a little smear of chocolate in his hair. Oops. Draco slipped a little, so Ron readjusted him on his lap with a little snuggle.

They sat there for a bit, floating in chocolate bliss. Ron's legs felt distantly cold, but he ignored it. Draco kicked steadily at a rung of the stool.

A door creaked behind them. Suddenly, they were rudely interrupted by a sharp voice:

"What on earth?"

It vaguely occurred to Ron as he turned to face his older brother, that this probably looked kinda odd.

Percy stood in his dressing gown, rubbing at his eyes, jaw hanging open. He had his glasses clutched in his hand. He quickly put them on and stared, completely confounded.

After all, Ron was sitting in Percy's flat, in the middle of the night, eating Percy's very delicious chocolates. He held Draco perched in his lap, and, come to think of it, they were both in makeup and wearing lingerie... his mind did that phoney French accent on lin-ger-ie again. And that's probably won son started laughing.

Which was likely what set off Draco, though the astonished look on Percy's face - Ron almost had his giggles under control, but then Draco said to Ron in a loud stage whisper:

"Act natural."

That was it. The giggles and then full out laughter just bubbled out of Ron and he couldn't stop.

Draco slid off his lap, bent over in hysterics and Ron fell off his chair, rolled on the floor, laughing uproariously. Percy stood over them in his robe, his jaw working around words that didn't materialise.

Finally Percy managed, "Wha... what is -? My chocolate..."

Draco curled up in a ball, convulsed with peals of high-pitched laughter.

Percy blinked. "If you could just be... what in hell's name are you wearing?"

Ron sobbed with long snickering laughs, his shoulders shook; he finally breathed out, in a phoney French accent:

"Lin-ge-rrrie."

- before dissolving into giggles again. Draco was spread out on the floor, and looked like he was in convulsions at this. His hair was a mess and Ron had never seen his face so pink.

"I see that," Percy said quite seriously. A smile quirked the corner of his mouth. "And what are doing in my flat?"

Unable to speak, Draco held out a melting chocolate - and not incidentally a really sticky, chocolate-y hand - as evidence. That hand looked yummy. Ron wanted to lick the chocolate off.

"And how did you get here?" Percy asked, enunciating carefully, as if speaking to two very slow children.

Now that was a very, very stupid question. Getting into the pantomime, Ron pointed at the door. Draco quickly followed suit. Ron grinned foolishly up at Percy, before he burst into fresh laughter.

Draco mimicked the grin. Perfectly.

Wanker. Ron fell apart again, put his head on the floor and snorted and snickered. His sides were starting to hurt; this was all Percy's fault.

Percy ignored their obviously hilarious comedy routine and sagged onto the edge of the couch. He put his head in his hands. "Oh my God. You broke curfew."

"We had to," Ron said earnestly. Draco tittered before he even finished. "We didn't have any chocolate!"

"You walked through the Death Eater hallways, dressed like that?" Percy asked in disbelief.

Ron lunged and snagged the chocolate out of Draco's hand. Draco shoved him away.

"Dressed like what?" Ron said through his mouthful, grinning absurdly. Draco giggled and shoved Ron again.

Draco whispered to him, "Keep it up, Ron. He'll never notice. Any lawyer will tell you: deny, deny, deny."

Percy blinked at them. "Makeup. You have on makeup."

Draco wiped his hand across his lips and stared at it, wide-eyed, "My God! What happened?" he joked.

Ron broke out laughing again and rolled over onto his back. Percy winced, holding up a hand to block what fell out in this view. Well, the skirt was too short.

"Have either of you any idea of the risk you took in coming here?"

Ron looked at his hand and realised his was sticky with chocolate, too. He smeared it on Draco's cheek. Draco pushed him away, glanced over and snickered. "Someone might've looked up your skirt, Ron."

"Hard not to," Ron said gruffly, and tugged uselessly at it.

"Do you realise what could have happened if one of the guards caught you? Out after curfew - let alone dressed like that?"

"They'd think they're having a hallucination...?" Draco offered. He irritably wiped at the chocolate on his cheek, which smeared it further.

Ron tittered, "It's getting everywhere. Don't get any on the carpet or Percy will be mad."

Percy stood up in frustration. "This is not a game! Dammit, Draco, Ron never did things like this before you showed up!"

"A crying shame."

"I had to keep myself company," Ron said, and smiled at the ceiling.

"In your office. With the door shut." Draco waggled his finger at Ron, and they both laughed.

"Muuuuuch more fun now." Ron lolled on the carpet luxuriously, giving Draco a naughty glance.

Draco grinned over at him. "Wanker."

"Me?! Look who's talking!"

"Dammit, both of you - listen to me! If you two had been dragged off to the dungeons, how would I find you? Where would I look?" Percy said, standing up and looming over them. "Lucius isn't all-powerful. There are other Death Eaters with other agendas! Ones that do not include us. What do you think I deal with on a regular basis? Death Eater politics don't get you fired - they get you killed!"

They were silent a moment.

"Wow, Percy," Ron said cautiously, squinting up him. "That was... really long."

"Yes. Kinda lost track there halfway through," Draco admitted. "But it sounded quite good," he added with quick politeness, and he and Ron nodded. "Very long. I feel like we should applaud or something."

They obligingly clapped, though with only two people it really didn't do Percy's speech proper justice. Which was disappointing.

"Then let me be succinct: I keep Lucius alive, and that keeps us alive," Percy said. "I can't do that if you pull stunts like this! Do you know what could have happened to you? Draco, you of all people should know."

"You're a Death Eater," Draco drawled.

"Draco, shut up," Ron said.

Percy ignored Draco. "Don't be so stupid! Ron, your job is to stay alive. Until Dumbledore launches his attack and the Ministry is retaken."

"I can just see the white horse - gallop, gallop, to save us - how many Death Eaters are just like Percy?" Draco said. "I've got the tattoo, but he's the real thing."

"Draco, shut up..." Ron repeated lazily, lolling on the carpet.

"Bloody hell, Ron," Percy's voice cracked. He ignored Draco. "I am not telling Mum how you died!"

"I saw it tonight," Draco said. "I understood. An army of apathy and fear... the scary Death Eaters are sheep, little sheep. Armed to the teeth. But I'm a Malfoy. No sheep here."

"Baaaa," said Ron.

Percy turned his attention to Draco. “Ron saved your life, Draco! And this is how you repay it, by risking his?"

"He didn't save my life. He postponed my death. There's a difference."

"Baaaaa," Ron said again.

Percy stared at them with a completely bemused, flabbergasted expression. He sat on the couch again and ran his hand through his hair.

"You're high, aren't you?" he asked at last, hands over his eyes.

Draco answered quickly, "No, no - we're not! We're drunk!"

Wow. That was a really good lie. Ron was impressed. Even Harry couldn't have come up with a better one.

"Draco. I know this is your fault," Percy said, and sighed. "Let me get you some clothes." He brushed the lint off his dressing gown and stood. "I suppose you could stay here, but I don't fancy walking you to your Sections in the morning. They've changed the passwords again and I've had a devil of a time with them."

Percy disappeared into his bedroom.

Ron grabbed Draco by col collar, and Draco looked up at him with a startled expression.

"Hear that? Passwords, Draco. Percy has passwords!" Ron hissed. "I knew it." Ron dropped Draco, who stared at him. "He doesn't have a curfew either. Bloody perfect!" Ron beamed. "I'd no idea they trusted him that much."

"That's 'cause he's a Death Eater..." Draco mumbled.

"No, he's not. Oh, they're so stupid." Ron slapped his forehead and laughed. "They don't get him. At all."

"What are you blathering about...."

"Think, Draco! They think he's one of them!"

"Here we are." Percy emerged with two basic black robes. "Hopefully you can walk. I'm not carrying either of you down all those flights of stairs."

Draco held out the robe and stared at it. He laughed. "Clothes, Ron. We could have got dressed!"

Ron struggled into his. "Now why didn't we think of that in the first place?"
- 5
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Sex, Drugs and Death Eater Rock