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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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LOST AND DAMNED

Steal the Glamour From Death

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To Harry's surprise it was Pansy Parkinson who stepped through the shadows and into the green glow they stood in. She was grinning nastily, dark eyes lit up in excitement. Pansy rushed to his side and Draco looked sick to his stomach. "You were right, Draco! He really did give you a job, didn't he?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yes…Draco was instructed to kill me," Dumbledore explained kindly. "But Draco isn't a killer. Are you, Draco?"

"How do you know?" Draco snapped.

"Oooh!" Pansy giggled giddily. "Do it, Draco!"

"Go away, Pansy! This isn't some game!" Draco snapped at her.

"Don't be so grumpy, Drakey!" Pansy said with a pout. "C'mon, Dray, I wanna see!"

Draco gritted his teeth and muttered under his breath. "You stupid slut, I will curse you myself if you don't get out of here now! This isn't any place for you, this is business!"

"If you would please refrain from using such disrespectful language, Draco," Dumbledore said.

"Shut up!" Draco snapped, waving his wand towards Dumbledore threateningly.

Harry wanted to beat him over the head. He couldn't talk to Dumbledore that way. He couldn't kill Dumbledore! Harry tried in vain to move his body, but he was still incapable of moving. He could only watch in horror as Dumbledore calmly faced Draco…while Pansy Parkinson bounced happily beside Draco, looking ever eager and ugly as ever…while Draco looked anxiously from one to the other, looking like he might be sick at any moment. Harry noted the way his wand arm shook. Don't do it. Please don't do it. You don't have to do this, Draco…You can't do this, Harry begged, wishing he could shove his thoughts into Draco's head. Harry could barely do Occlumency, though, let alone performing Legilimency and let alone that to the point of being able to put something in the other boy's head.

"I can do it, you know," Draco said, voice trembling. "I could kill you right now. Wandless…defenseless…it would be too easy."

"It would, perhaps, if you were that sort of person. But you're not truly evil, Draco. You cannot-" Dumbledore was saying.

"I CAN!" Draco shouted. "You don't know what I'm capable of. What I've done!"

Pansy grinned eagerly, but Harry noted the tone of disgust in Draco's voice as he said it. He himself had seen Draco's remorse. Dumbledore was right; Draco wasn't evil. He didn't want this…He was scared of this. He didn't want to be a Death Eater, didn't want to be a killer…He was terrified for his family and himself, though. Draco would do anything, even kill, to keep them safe. There's another way. There has to be, Harry thought desperately. Please let him know that. Please.

"Oh yes I do," Dumbledore said. "You almost killed Katie Bell and Hermione Granger-" Pansy giggled at the sound of Hermione's name and Draco flinched painfully. "-You have been trying, with increasing desperation, to kill me all year. Forgive me, Draco, but they have been feeble attempts…So feeble, to be honest, that I wonder whether your heart is really in it."

"It has been in it!" said Draco. "I've been working all year, and tonight…"

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It was disgusting. How had this happened? How had he not known? Severus reached the fifth floor and he saw some signs of bloodshed. Death Eaters in Hogwarts…Surely the Dark Lord was not among them? If Death Eaters could be here, though, why not him? Severus kept his eyes peeled for familiar faces as he strode through the corridors. Two fifth year Huffelpuff prefects were huddled in a corner, petrified. The boy held the girl close to him, his hand clamped over her mouth while she grasped desperately at his arms. Both sets of eyes were wide with terror. Severus scoffed at them. Amber Berry and Jeremiah Freestone. They were only children, though…Severus was half tempted to shout at them, to get them to do something. No one else was here at the moment…It would be safe enough for them to return to their common room. "Go," he hissed at them as he passed, though he couldn't afford to stop and made sure they followed his directions. Meanwhile, he was following one Death Eater as he threw curses at Neville Longbottom, though to Severus's surprise the boy was dodging them…not with great ease or skill, but he appeared mostly unharmed but for a large bruise on his left cheek.

Daringly, he wordlessly threw off the curse the Death Eater sent towards Longbottom…who was it…? Ah yes…Rabastan Lestrange. Neither noticed Severus's interference. Good. He continued on, finding much worse as he went. No one seemed to be dead, but it was…unreal. Such gruesome horror taking place within the walls of Hogwarts. It didn't seem natural…Only like some awful nightmare that was terrifying, but could in no possible way be real. But it was, he told himself. It was happening.

Where was Draco? Better yet, where was Harry? Was he safe? Was he still out with Dumbledore or had he returned? Foolish boy…If he was in the castle he would be out here with the rest of these do-gooders. Damn it. If that boy got hurt, Severus was going to personally strangle him. He would kill the boy and then find a way to bring him back. If he was dead…No, he couldn't be dead, Severus told himself, though recalling a meeting with Albus at the beginning of the year…

"When the time comes…Harry will have to die."

Severus willed them away, but the words repeated over and over again in his head. Surely not this soon? It was too soon…He hadn't had nearly enough time with Harry. He hadn't even told Harry yet. The Dark Lord wasn't weak enough yet. This couldn't be the end. He felt sick to his stomach, panic overtaking him. He felt suddenly dizzy, like he might collapse at any moment.

Maybe he was overreacting. There were no signs of any of this yet, he reminded himself. No sign of the Dark Lord…Surely there would be more terror, more death, more of everything if the Dark Lord's presence was near. He hadn't even seen Harry yet. Severus did his best to comfort himself with these facts, but he could still hear Albus's words in his head, could imagine the way the Dark Lord whispered those deadly words almost lovingly, could imagine that shot of green life hitting Lily, could imagine her lifeless body hitting the floor…A scene that switched to his Harry, standing so proud and tall and confident…hit by that same flash of green light…falling…landing limply beside his mother…two pairs of the same beautiful green eyes wide open and empty.

It killed him.

The force of the pain could have brought him to his knees, but he ignored it and powered on. He couldn't let this bring him down…Not when he had no proof that anything had even happened to Harry. All he had to do was make sure Harry was safe and find Draco and stop him before it was too late.

Up ahead he spotted Amycus Carrow dueling Ginevra Weasley. A dark side in him sneered, remarking evilly that he should let the man have her. She had kissed Harry, after all, but that was such a petty reason to be so cruel and again Severus found himself casting a nonverbal spell to block the curse Amycus sent her way. Not far was his sister, Alecto, dueling Nymphadora Tonks and Balthazar Avery was hurling curses towards Remus Lupin.

He could hear more screaming, more thumping, more everything from the floor above. Severus's black eyes moved around the corridor and the flashes of light from spells and curses that lit up the darkness. He turned and headed upstairs, adrenaline pumping through him, heart beating wildly and his stomach dropping in dread, not knowing what to expect to find when he reached the floor just above.

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"…Come over to the right side, Draco…You are not a killer…"

Several minutes had gone on, Draco and Dumbledore in a deep discussion. "Just do it, Drakey!" Pansy had interrupted multiple times, but she had gone ignored. She was now standing off to the side looking huffy and glowering suspiciously at Draco, dark eyes flickering to Dumbledore now and then. Dumbledore had been curious as to how Draco had gotten the Death Eaters in and Draco had launched into his explanation of the Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement and its link to a counterpart at Borgin and Burke's in Knockturn Alley. How he had fixed the broken one at Hogwarts. Even Pansy had seemed engrossed in the story, only returning to her annoyed looks and encouragement to kill Dumbledore once Draco finished explaining.

Then he wanted answers about the necklace that had cursed Katie and the mead that had poisoned Hermione. Draco had Imperiused Madam Rosmerta. It was Rosmerta who had given Katie the necklace and Rosmerta who had sold Slughorn the poisoned mead. They communicated via enchanted coins, much like the ones Hermione had created for Dumbledore's Army last year. He had even gone as far to refer to Hermione as "the Mudblood Granger", which had pleased Pansy plenty, though Dumbledore reprimanded him for the use of such a nasty word. Harry himself wanted to hit him upside the head, though even he could tell how obvious it was he was anything but happy with what he had said, even looking incredibly ashamed when Dumbledore scolded him for it. Pansy had to be blind to not see how much this whole thing was bothering Draco.

Finally they got to a discussion about tonight. How Rosmerta had tipped Draco off to Dumbledore leaving and how they set up a trap using the Dark Mark to lure Dumbledore into the tower.

It ended with Dumbledore giving Draco his options. There was a way out of it after all! They could fake the deaths of the Malfoys and they would be safe from Voldemort. No one had to be hurt. Everything could and would be just fine. Dumbledore didn't seem overly worried of Pansy overhearing. She only smirked in amusement as Dumbledore finished up and she shook her head.

"Ignore him, Draco. Just do it already! Kill him and the Dark Lord will be so happy with you!" Pansy exclaimed excitedly. "Your parents will be so proud, Draco! And you can finally be done with that Mudblood brat an-"

"Stupefy!" Draco hissed at her, eyes flashing angrily the moment Pansy referred to Hermione as that Mudblood brat. Pansy's body hit the floor and Draco glared down at her, his anger with her hardly matching the amount of sheer torment Harry could see in his best friend's face.

You don't have to do it Harry thought over and over again, feeling some relief. Dumbledore had given him an option. It was brilliant, really! There were always risks, but they would all be much safer in the care of Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix than anywhere else! Surely it was less risky than staying among Voldemort and his followers playing such games…One could never make a deal with the devil and expect him to play fair. None of Voldemort's followers were safe. Even if he gained favor now, there was always the chance to lose it…

Draco swallowed hard and turned his wand to Dumbledore. "A…Av…A…"

No! Harry thought desperately. He summoned all of his strength, all of his willpower…He tried to move…Tried to cast every spell he could think of nonverbally to stop Draco…To protect Dumbledore…something!

"Avada Kedavra!"

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The fight was steadily moving upstairs, heading higher and higher. Severus found himself caught up helping protect students where he could. Ginevra Weasley and Longbottom shoved past him as he walked further down, Amycus and Rabastan on their tails. "Finally, you're here," snarled Rabastan, though he got caught up in sending the Cruciatus Curse after Longbottom, surprisingly managing to miss the boy without Severus's interference. Part of him wanted to say something, do something to dismiss Rabastan's words, reminding him of his role…but Severus wasn't too sure he'd have much of a role after tonight. It all depended on how this went…

"Good, you're here!" Minerva said, relief filling her voice when she saw him. It was the first time she had spoken to him with no venom in her voice and her eyes not narrowed into a nasty glare. That wouldn't last very long, would it? Like Rabastan, she found herself distracted from him by Abaddon Avery.

No one attacked him. Both sides believed he was with them. He was safe as he passed through the halls, only ducking curses meant for others. Every shield he sent to protect the students and Order members were nonverbal and unnoticed. Everyone was too caught up in their battles to notice.

Some of the fighting was stalled in the corridor, but most of the action appeared to be moving. Severus followed the group as best he could, surprised to find many surrounding the staircase that led up to the Astronomy Tower, fighting starting to take place on the spiral staircase itself. Severus watched in surprise as a body was thrown over the railings and hit the ground with a loud thud. The mask fell off, revealing the enraged and beautiful face of young Azrael Avery, her long dark blond hair loose in its ponytail. She quickly jumped to her feet and pulled the mask back over her face and the hood back over her head, running back around, waving her wand about angrily.

Severus hadn't seen who pushed her, but whoever it was was in trouble now.

Severus moved forward quickly, pushing Azrael aside and moving through the angry crowd. He moved his head slightly to the left, just barely avoiding being hit by his own curse. He shot a glare at Azrael, certain it had come from her. Damnable wench.Sectumsempra was his own creation and having it used against him was more infuriating than anything else. He smirked when her brother glowered at her and began hissing to her, watching her face fall and her eyes narrow at him.

Even as much as Bellatrix hated him, she wasn't stupid enough to attack the Dark Lord's favorite.

There wasn't time to be distracted, though. He had to get up to that Tower…Draco must be up there. Something important must be happening for everyone to seem to be congregating in this area. Raising his wand he began uttering Shield Charms and shoved through the battle the best he could. It was hard not to become distracted by the fighting raging on around him, multiple times finding himself forced to send as many nonverbal curses as he could at his fellow Death Eaters. There was too much chaos for anyone to know where the attacks were coming from.

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Harry wasn't sure what had happened, exactly…If Dumbledore had dodged the curse or if Draco's words hadn't been powerful enough, but Dumbledore stood, very much alive, frowning deeply at Draco, whose arm was trembling uncontrollably.

"It's not too late, Draco…" Dumbledore said.

"YES IT IS!" Draco shouted.

Harry could hardly believe his friend had actually tried to kill Dumbledore. It had obviously failed, but no matter how much he didn't want to do it…He had tried. There wasn't much time to focus on that now. He had to do something! The urge was becoming more and more unbearable. He hated not being able to move. He hated it even more when there was so much he so desperately wanted to do. He hated Dumbledore for doing this to him. Hated him, hated him, hated him. How was he supposed to help when he was trapped this way?

Footsteps were thundering upstairs now, becoming louder over the sound of the battle raging below. Draco was shoved out of the way as four peple in black robes burst through the door. The hood of one flew off, but he made no move to fix it. A lump looking man with a lopsided sneer giggled in a wheezy fashion.

"Dumbledore cornered!" he exclaimed, looking towards a smaller woman who looked like she could be his sister. "Dumbledore wandless! Dumbledore alone! Well done, Draco, well done!"

Draco looked like he might be sick. He seemed completely paralyzed in his terror…Rigid and seeming more upset than before.

"Good evening, Amycus," Dumbledore said calmly. "And you've brought Alecto, too. Charming."

"Think your jokes will work on your deathbed, then?" Alecto jeered.

"Jokes? No, no, these are manners," replied Dumbledore.

Harry felt the strangest urge to laugh, then. He doubted it would sound very amused if he could laugh. He could only stare in terror at the Death Eaters around them. Had they won? Had the Death Eaters taken control? Had they won the fight below? Had anyone died? Were any of his friends hurt? What of Severus? Was he okay?

"Do it," said a voice from the stranger nearest to Harry.

"Is that you, Fenrir?" Dumbledore asked.

"That's right," rasped the voice. "Pleased to see me, Dumbledore?"

"No. I cannot say that I am."

"But you know how much I like kids, Dumbledore."

"Am I to take it that you are attacking even without the full moon now? That is most unusual…You have developed a taste for human flesh that cannot be satisfied once a month?"

"That's right," said Fenrir Greyback. "Shocks you that, does it, Dumbledore? Frightens you?"

"Well, I cannot pretend that it does not disgust me a little," said Dumbledore. "And yes, I am a little shocked that Draco here invited you, of all people, into the school where his friends live…"

"I didn't," breathed Draco, who was now staring at the floor, finding it impossible to look at anyone now. "I didn't know he was going to come-"

"Enough of this chit chat!" the woman, Alecto growled. "Come on, Draco, do it!"

At that moment, there were renewed sounds of scruffling from below. "They've blocked the stairs-Reducto! REDUCTO!"

"Now, Draco, quickly!" exclaimed Amycus angrily.

Draco raised his wand again, but his hand was shaking so bad he could barely aim.

"I'll do it," snarled Fenrir.

"I said no!" shouted Amycus.

There was a flash of light and Amycus and Fenrir were blasted out of the way.

"Draco, do it or stand aside so one of us-" screeched Alecto.

At that moment, the door burst open again and there stood Severus, his wand clutched in his hand as his black eyes swept the scene. From Dumbledore slumped against the wall, to the four Death Eaters, including Draco and the enraged werewolf. Harry stared at him, that anxious feeling inside of him growing to unbearable strengths. Let me go, let me go Harry silently pleaded. He felt Severus's eyes flicker over him, the only person to notice him, but his gaze flickered away just as quickly.

Harry didn't know how to feel upon seeing his lover-relieved or even more terrified.

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"We've got a problem, Snape," Amycus said, "the boy doesn't seem able-"

Someone else said his name softly.

"Severus…"

So this was it then. Harry was alive and Draco hadn't done anything, but there was no backing down. There were too many witnesses and not enough time. He had not yet found a way around this and they were out of time to find one. He swallowed hard, feeling his heart break at Albus's pleading voice. He could hear the words the man had spoken the past summer, past conversations that had infuriated now echoing in his head now, haunting him.

"Are you intending to let him kill you?" Severus had asked.

"Certainly not. You must kill me."

"Would you like me to do it now? Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"

"Oh not quite yet," Albus had said with a smile. "I daresay the moment will present itself in due course."

Severus glanced towards his godson, looking more fragile than Severus could remember seeing him. Even his father's abuse had not left such a mark upon the boy as the prospect of becoming a murderer. Of betraying his dear friends…the young lady he loved. No doubt Harry and young Granger would be upset with him if he killed Albus. Draco himself didn't want to harm the headmaster. He didn't want to kill anyone.

How had it gotten this far?

Stupid boy should have come to me, Severus thought bitterly. He wanted to scream at Draco, but there was no use now.

"The boy's soul is not yet so damaged," he could hear Albus saying in his head. "I would not have it ripped apart on my account."

He chanced one more glance at Harry, thankful above all else that he was alive and well and somewhat surprised no one had noticed him. Then again, all anyone was interested in tonight was Albus. Harry would hate him for this, surely. No matter what he had tried to make the boy understand of his role, of Draco's…How could anyone forgive him for this? Severus himself did not think he could forgive himself, no matter what Albus said.

"Thank you, Severus."

"Damn it!" Alecto said. "Move aside!" She moved forward, raising her wand towards Albus. At the same time, Draco hastily held up his own wand, struggling to keep his arm steady.

No…

Severus braced himself and forced himself to raise his own wand, holding it towards his old friend…his mentor…For the longest time, the only person besides Lily who had ever loved him, had faith in him…

"Avada Kedavra!"

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Lost and Damned